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Aug 29, 2014 11:59 AM

Patricia Lockwood shares the most profane food diary ever.

"2 p.m.: Fine, I'll submit myself to the indignity of breakfast. I'll eat a … a yogurt. What IS yogurt? Is the yogurt having sex, in my mouth, as I eat it? Is it some sort of dairy orgy?"

Probably not safe for work, this one.

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