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Memorable Quotes about booze

In the spirt of jrvedivici's "Leave the gun, take the cannoli..." post about memorable food quotes,

Here is a great one from Bogie from The Big Sleep to start with:

General Sternwood: How do you like your brandy, sir?
Philip Marlowe: In a glass.

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  1. "To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." ~Homer Simpson

    1. Winston Churchill - "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."

      1. Any James Bond (particularly Connery) drink order...

        1. “I like to have a martini,
          Two at the very most.
          After three I'm under the table,
          after four I'm under my host.”
          ― Dorothy Parker

          One Martini, Two Martini, Three Martini ....Floor !

          7 Replies
          1. re: gourmanda

            How's about: Three many martoonis? :)

            1. re: gourmanda

              One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

              James Thurber

              1. re: ebchower

                or "Martinis have a very fine line between 3 and 8"

                - me

                OK that's not famous, but I thought it was memorable.

              2. re: gourmanda

                From Commanders Palace New Orleans lunch menu:
                Our 25¢ Martinis
                The Best Kept Secret in Town!!
                “Limit three (3) per person ‘cause that’s enough”
                ~ Available with the purchase of any Entrée ~
                Classic • Commander’s • Cosmopolitan • Ray’s Melon

                1. re: gourmanda

                  I've always heard that as one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. :)

                  1. re: gourmanda

                    Or Wayne & Shuster, two Romans:
                    Customer: “I’ll have a martina.”
                    Bartender: “You mean a martini?”
                    Customer: “If I want two, I’ll ask for two.”

                    1. re: VitalForce

                      If the plural is "martini", then the singular should be "martino". (The plural of "martina" would be "martine")

                  2. Great thread idea!

                    Margo Channing: I'll admit I may have seen better days, but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut. (All About Eve)

                    Kasper Gutman: I distrust a man who says "when." If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does. (The Maltese Falcon)

                    Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
                    Rick: I'm a drunkard.
                    Captain Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world. (Casablanca)

                    Kendig: Yours was gin and ginger ale, right?
                    Isobel von Schonenberg: Mine was NEVER gin and ginger ale. Montrachet '69, right next to the beer. (Hopscotch)

                    Capt. Jack Aubrey: To wives and sweethearts.
                    Officers: To wives and sweethearts.
                    Capt. Jack Aubrey: May they never meet. (Master and Commander)

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: mcsheridan

                      Also used in Katterbach, W. Germany at every officers call in 1979. 37th Armor.

                      1. re: mike0989

                        But I still have a favorite, in fact it's one of my favorite movies.
                        The Fatal Glass of Beer:

                        1. re: ratgirlagogo

                          "It ain't a fit night out for man nor beast."

                          1. re: mcsheridan

                            *FOOMPT!* (That's the best I can do for the sound effect).

                        2. re: mike0989

                          "Somebody took the cork out of my lunch."

                          1. re: mike0989

                            The list missed one: "Last night I slipped on the ice. How my foot got in the glass I'll never know."

                          2. "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

                            Hannibal Lecter

                            1. Drinks for all my friends! (Barfly. See also: pretty much every other line in Barfly.)

                              1. Frank Sinatra once said:
                                "I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when you wake up in the morning, that's as good as you're going to feel for the rest of the day."

                                It's probably an old joke he stole from a vaudeville old timer...but he delivered it with panache and conviction, :-)

                                1. "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy."

                                  Not sure who originally said it, but I've seen it credited to Tom Waits.

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: 4X4

                                    somehow, I remember it as being Phil Ochs.

                                  2. "Balls! We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!"
                                    (Withnail & I)

                                    1. Waiter: Would monsieur care for another bottle of Chateau Latour?
                                      Navin: Ah yes, but no more 1966. Lets splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you’ve got – this year! No more of this old stuff.

                                      From "The Jerk"

                                      1 Reply
                                      1. re: mike0989

                                        In another thread a couple of weeks ago I posted a quote from that scene - when Navin complains that there are snails on their plates.

                                        I also love the "pizza in a cup" scene.

                                      2. Nick Charles: "The important thing is the rhythm. Always have rhythm in your shaking. Now a Manhattan you shake to fox-trot time, a Bronx to two-step time, a dry martini you always shake to waltz time."

                                        The Thin Man (1934)

                                        Many more in that movie

                                        3 Replies
                                        1. re: TroyTempest

                                          Even better:
                                          Nora: "Say, how many drinks have you had?"
                                          Nick: "Umm, this will make six Martinis."
                                          Nora: "Alright, waiter, will you bring me five more Martinis. You can line them all up right here."

                                          1. re: ratgirlagogo

                                            when I quit martinis I had to quit Dashiell, Nick and Nora.

                                            1. re: hill food

                                              Hell, Nick and Nora are lightweights compared to the ghosts in Topper. Even dying while driving drunk doesn't slow down their posthumous drinking - in fact they push booze on Cosmo incessantly.

                                              Clearly a Prohibition artifact.

                                        2. From Russia:

                                          The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully.


                                          1. Sideways
                                            If anyone orders Merlot I am leaving. I am not drinking f&cking Merlot!

                                            2 Replies
                                            1. re: cgarner

                                              This is my favorite Sideways scene:


                                              Miles and Jack are at a bar, holding two glasses with Pinot Noir against the sun-filled window.

                                              MILES: First thing - hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You’re looking for color and clarity. Just get a sense of it. Okay?

                                              JACK: Okay.

                                              Again, both are holding their glasses against the light.

                                              MILES: Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Okay?

                                              JACK: Okay.

                                              MILES: Now tip it.

                                              Miles is tipping the glass over the counter.

                                              MILES: (cont.) What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out toward the rim. That’s gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It’s usually more important with reds. Okay?

                                              JACK: Okay.

                                              MILES: Now stick your nose in it.

                                              Jack waves the glass under his nose like a perfume bottle.

                                              JACK: Yeah?

                                              Jack looks to Chris, the wine pourer, for confirmation.

                                              MILES: Don't be shy. Really get your nose right in there. Really -

                                              Miles buries his nose in the glass while Jack follows his lead.

                                              MILES: (sniffs) Mmm. A little citrus. Maybe some strawberry. Mmm. Passion fruit. Mmm. And - Ah, there’s just, like, the faintest (sniffs) soupçon of like, uh, asparagus and - There’s a - just a flutter of, like, a - like, a nutty Edam cheese.

                                              JACK: Wow.

                                              Both start sniffing again.

                                              MILES: Mmm.

                                              JACK: Strawberries. Yeah.

                                              MILES: Good.

                                              JACK: Strawberries. Not the cheese.

                                              MILES: Yeah. Put your glass down. Get some - Get some air into it.

                                              Miles expertly swirls the wine on the counter. Jack follows suit.

                                              MILES: Oxygenating it opens it up. It unlocks the aromas, the flavors. Very important. Smell again.

                                              Both inhale into their glasses.

                                              MILES: Ah. That's what you do with every one of ‘em.

                                              JACK: Wow. (unpatiently) When do we drink it?

                                              MILES: Now.

                                              Jack gulps his wine down in one shot. Miles chews his before swallowing.

                                              JACK: Mmm! Ahh.

                                              MILES: Mmm.

                                              JACK: How would you rate this one, Miles?

                                              MILES: Well, usually they start you on wines with learning disabilities… but this one’s pretty damn good. (to Chris) This is the new one, right, Chris?

                                              CHRIS: Just released about two months ago.

                                              MILES: Nice job.

                                              CHRIS: We like it.

                                              JACK: (to Miles) You could work in a wine store, Miles.

                                              MILES: Mmm. Yeah, that’d be a good move.

                                              Miles looks at Jack and notices something.

                                              MILES: Are you chewing gum?

                                              1. re: foodieX2

                                                I LOVE that movie! One of my favorite lines, spoken by Miles: " Quaffable, but far from transcendent."

                                                And this, from Maya: "I like to think about the life of wine . . . How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline . . . And it tastes so fucking good."

                                            2. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

                                              1 Reply
                                              1. re: beevod

                                                The older Irish quote:
                                                “An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth”

                                              2. From WC Fields' "International House," which I just re-watched last evening.

                                                Fields (to a valet): Hey, garcon. Bring me a drink.
                                                VALET: Water, sir?
                                                Fields: A little on the side…very little.

                                                1. I thought I posted this yesterday, if it was removed I'm unsure why, so here it is again.

                                                  At the 1:00 mark;

                                                  "It's so good........once it hit's your lips it's sooooo good"


                                                  Everytime I take a sip of my martini and it crosses my lips into my mouth I play this scene in my head. JR the tank....Jr the tank......Jr the tank.....lol

                                                  1. The Philosopher's Drinking Song

                                                    Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
                                                    Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.

                                                    David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.
                                                    And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

                                                    There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
                                                    Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

                                                    John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
                                                    Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!

                                                    Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
                                                    And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.

                                                    And René Descartes was a drunken fart:
                                                    "I drink, therefore I am."

                                                    Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
                                                    A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
                                                    - Monty Python

                                                    Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
                                                    - Oscar Wilde

                                                    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
                                                    - Dave Barry

                                                    1 Reply
                                                    1. re: MplsM ary

                                                      You just reminded me; I have to change my e-mail signature now that I'm retired. For the longest time, it had been: Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

                                                    2. «I went to brush something off my cheek and it was the floor.»

                                                      — Raymond Chandler

                                                      1. "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings." / no clue

                                                        "You look like I need a drink." / no clue, but applies to many CH threads....

                                                        "I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini." / George Burns

                                                        Too drunk to look up the sources for the other two. :-P

                                                        1 Reply
                                                        1. re: linguafood

                                                          lingua - that's really close to a quote from Edward Albee's play "Tiny Alice" (I might be wrong about which play and may have the exact words wrong as well) an uninvited and unwelcome aunt explains in one scene, "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. An alcoholic wants to change."

                                                          1. Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
                                                            ~Dudley Moore in the movie "Arthur"

                                                            1. The Mayor looking for Miller High Life and not finding it in "Do the Right Thing" ...

                                                              "But you asking a lot to make a man change his beer. You asking a lot, doctor!"


                                                              1. It just occurred to me, no one's quoted the TV series, M*A*S*H. Although Hawkeye and his roomie manned the still, Hawk didn't always have the best lines about booze. Witness these:

                                                                Henry Blake: Do we have enough sherry and ginger ale for the General?
                                                                Radar: Oh, nobody does, sir.
                                                                Henry Blake: Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't.

                                                                Radar: [takes a drink of Hawkeye's home-made gin, and grimaces]
                                                                I thought this stuff was supposed to make you feel better.
                                                                B.J.: No. It's supposed to make you feel nothing.

                                                                But I'll leave the last word for Hawkeye:
                                                                Hawkeye: I want a dry, arid, barren martini. I want it so dry, Mr. Quoc, that it could be declared a disaster area. I want it so dry that there is dust on the olive.

                                                                1. Famous quote from W. Somerset Maugham:

                                                                  "A weakness for the grape is a good man's failing."

                                                                  1. Since it's apparently beneath everyone else to quote it:

                                                                    Shaken, not stirred.

                                                                    1. I think this one has been used in a few places, but I found it attributed to Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield...

                                                                      "Thornton Melon: Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes."

                                                                      Then there is "Beer is proof that God loves us" which may or may not have been said by Ben Franklin.

                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                      1. re: Philly Ray

                                                                        re: "Beer is proof that God loves us" which may or may not have been said by Ben Franklin...

                                                                        I believe that it has been determined that the attribution to Franklin is indeed correct...but that it he has been misquoted thru the years. Evidently, he was in actuality speaking about wine.

                                                                        Still love the spirit of the quote, however.

                                                                      2. Otter: Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.
                                                                        Marion Wormer: Cut the crap. Give me a drink.

                                                                        Pinto: I was thinking, maybe we could get some beer.
                                                                        Clorette De Pasto: Nah, not tonight. Besides, you might get lucky without it.

                                                                        2 Replies
                                                                        1. re: BoneAppetite

                                                                          Figured this was the right place...

                                                                          Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
                                                                          Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

                                                                          1. re: mcsheridan

                                                                            Or..."They took the bar!!!! The whole f#cking bar!!!!"

                                                                        2. I'm not sure why, but my "shaken not stirred" was removed.......

                                                                          1. "I don't drink nuthin' stronger than pop. And he'll drink most anything."
                                                                            -a bartender in Cortez Colorado-

                                                                            1. They have this quote from Sinatra in my local:

                                                                              I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

                                                                              1. "A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink." W. C. Fields

                                                                                1. "Miles, did you drink and dial?"
                                                                                  "No fucking Merlot!"

                                                                                  1. A pair of personal favorites to repeat:

                                                                                    A fundamental from 'Where the Buffalo Roam': "I hate to advocate drugs or liquor . . . . But in my case it's worked."

                                                                                    And, some solid medical advice from Dazed and Confused:
                                                                                    "Put some ice on it. After that, there's nothing a few beers won't take care of."

                                                                                    1. Don Corleone: I like to drink wine more than I used to.
                                                                                      Michael: It's good for ya, Pop.
                                                                                      Don Corleone: Anyway I'm drinkin' more.

                                                                                      1. "What do you say to a little whiskey?"
                                                                                        "Hello Whiskey!"

                                                                                        Joe Sida

                                                                                        1. "Mr. you're inebriated."
                                                                                          "No I'm not. I'm a capricorn."

                                                                                          1. not directly regarding alcohol, rather its aftermath -

                                                                                            in "Mame" her friend Vera Charles announces (irate): SOMEone has been sleeping in my clothes.

                                                                                            1. "Champagne for all my real friends,
                                                                                              and real pain for all my sham friends"

                                                                                              Tom Waits

                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                              1. re: chowyadoin99

                                                                                                "'cause the piano's been drinking - NOT me."

                                                                                              2. " I don't drink anymore"
                                                                                                " ya well you don't seem to drink any less"

                                                                                                1. "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for." -- WC Fields

                                                                                                  1. "I demand to have some booze!" -Withnail

                                                                                                    Withnail & I

                                                                                                    1. "Work is the scourge of the drinking class." -Unknown

                                                                                                      Sign seen at a local bar called the Shady Nook: "If your wife drives you to drink, please have her drive you to the Shady Nook."

                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                      1. re: OCSteve

                                                                                                        "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde

                                                                                                        Used that as my e-mail sig until I retired. :)

                                                                                                      2. Winston Churchill was once Reprimanded by his hostess and admonished, "Mr. Churchill, I think you've had way too much to drink!"
                                                                                                        Churchill replied, "Yes, madam, but in the morning I shall be sober but you will still be ugly."

                                                                                                        3 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: Chefpaulo

                                                                                                          I have heard it as "Sir, you're drunk!" "Madam, you're ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober"

                                                                                                          1. re: jacquelyncoffey

                                                                                                            I've heard it as :
                                                                                                            "Sir, you're drunk!" scolds an offended hostess, to which he replied "Yes, and you're ugly. The difference is that in the morning I shall be sober, but you'll still be ugly!"

                                                                                                            Then again, given Churchill's love of drink, I'm sure he was reprimanded more than once, and had several ripostes waiting.

                                                                                                            1. re: KailuaGirl

                                                                                                              His other great retort after correction for a vulgar remark (not booze related but when he was likely under the influence) was:
                                                                                                              Lady Astor: Why, Winston! If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
                                                                                                              Churchill: And if you were my wife, I WOULD DRINK IT.

                                                                                                        2. This may be a good one for drinking with colleagues from work.
                                                                                                          "Drink the first sip the second and skip the third."
                                                                                                          -Vince Lombardi-

                                                                                                          1. “Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector...and miss.” Robert A. Heinlein

                                                                                                            1. "There's a line in Othello about a drinker: 'Now a sensible man, by and by a fool, and presently a beast.' That pretty well covers it."
                                                                                                              - Barney, The Simpsons.


                                                                                                              1. From what's probably my all time favorite novel, "All We Need of Hell" by Harry Crews:

                                                                                                                ``You sure drink a lot of that stuff,`` said Felix.

                                                                                                                ``I do, son. At times I do. But I`m going to tell you something. I wouldn`t trust a man who could get through this cold sober.``

                                                                                                                ``This? This what?``

                                                                                                                ``Life, son. A man who could get through it cold sober is either a fool or he isn`t paying attention.``

                                                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                                                1. re: 4X4

                                                                                                                  I love Harry Crews. The first novel I ever read by him was Car (and waddaya know, there's an eating reference too) when I got it out of the library in junior high and I was so impressed (still am) that all the blurbs on the back cover of the book were bad reviews of his previous novels.

                                                                                                                  1. re: ratgirlagogo

                                                                                                                    Check out Larry Brown and William Gay (if you haven't already.) I think you'll like them too.

                                                                                                                    1. re: 4X4

                                                                                                                      Yes, I have read them, and you're right, I do like them too.

                                                                                                                2. Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. - Phyllis Diller

                                                                                                                  I drink to make other people more interesting. - Ernest Hemingway

                                                                                                                  This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought. - Samuel Johnson

                                                                                                                  1. Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

                                                                                                                    1. Noah Sweat's 1952 speech to the Mississippi legislature:

                                                                                                                      My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey:

                                                                                                                      If when you say whiskey you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

                                                                                                                      But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

                                                                                                                      This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.


                                                                                                                      1. Big Sleep:

                                                                                                                        They don't close for another hour or so. It's raining pretty

                                                                                                                        I got my car. That's right. It is, isn't it? You know, it just
                                                                                                                        happened I got a bottle of pretty good rum in my pocket. I'd rather get wet in here.

                                                                                                                        Well. It looks like we're closed for the rest of afternoon.

                                                                                                                        5 Replies
                                                                                                                        1. re: BoneAppetite

                                                                                                                          Hate to correct that great quote, but I'm pretty sure it was rye, not rum

                                                                                                                          1. re: TroyTempest

                                                                                                                            From Movie Quote DB
                                                                                                                            Marlowe: You'd make a good cop. [A heavy rain begins to fall, he pulls out a bottle of rye] I'd rather get wet in here.
                                                                                                                            Clerk: [pulling the shade, letting her hair down, and removing her glasses] It looks like we're closed for the rest of the afternoon.
                                                                                                                            Marlowe: Hello!

                                                                                                                            1. re: Sloth

                                                                                                                              While rum-running is alluded to in the film, I believe Rye was Marlowe's constant companion. There was always a bottle somewhere.

                                                                                                                              1. re: mcsheridan

                                                                                                                                Right mc, I think that you are alluding to this line.

                                                                                                                                Philip Marlowe: Yes, in the old days, when he used to run rum out of Mexico and I was on the other side. We used to swap shots between drinks, or drinks between shots, whichever you like.

                                                                                                                            2. re: TroyTempest

                                                                                                                              My bad -- distracted -- and we're rye drinkers too when It's Five O'clock Somewhere.

                                                                                                                          2. Oh, and there's an entire song devoted to it - "Alcohol" by the Barenaked Ladies.
                                                                                                                            or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kAJO...

                                                                                                                            (I am fairly certain this is not the only song we can think of, but it came to mind...)

                                                                                                                            9 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: MGZ

                                                                                                                                  Alcohol by GangGreen (old Boston punk band)

                                                                                                                                  1. re: jjbourgeois

                                                                                                                                    And there's yet another song named Alcohol, by Gogol Bordello. A classic.

                                                                                                                                2. re: truman

                                                                                                                                  There is an olllllld Irish drinking song
                                                                                                                                  All for Me Grog that has many incarnations including one by the bearnaked ladies and Trout Fishing America

                                                                                                                                  1. re: truman

                                                                                                                                    Songs about alcohol would be the subject of an entirely new thread; songs go way, way beyond quotes. Sounds like something for the Spirits board.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: mcsheridan

                                                                                                                                      Yeah, I could easily list 10-20 classic Blues and Country songs about drinking (including "Swinging Doors" by Merle Haggard and "Drunken Spree" by Skip James) just off the top of my head. :)

                                                                                                                                      1. re: 4X4

                                                                                                                                        George Jones had some good ones. I like "there stands the glass".

                                                                                                                                  2. "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake."

                                                                                                                                    - W. C. Fields

                                                                                                                                    1. The Quiet Man had quite a few good ones as well.

                                                                                                                                      Mary Kate Danaher: Could you use a little water in your whiskey?
                                                                                                                                      Michaleen Flynn: When I drink whiskey, I drink whiskey; and when I drink water, I drink water.

                                                                                                                                      The scene where he is chasing after Sean and Mary Kate and his horse pulls to a screeching halt in front of the pub is also classic.

                                                                                                                                      1. Not enough Hemingway in this thread:
                                                                                                                                        An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.


                                                                                                                                        Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                        1. re: LisaPA

                                                                                                                                          "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

                                                                                                                                          I beg to differ. Following that first sentence has led to some of my best vacations. One late night, beer-fueled idea is still going strong, 15 years later. ;)

                                                                                                                                        2. From Absolutely Fabulous

                                                                                                                                          PATSY: What will you drink if you stop drinking?
                                                                                                                                          EDDY: I shall drink water.
                                                                                                                                          EDDY: It's a mixer, Pats. We have it with whiskey...
                                                                                                                                          I mean, YOU've given up drinking before.
                                                                                                                                          PATSY: Worst eight hours of my life.

                                                                                                                                          5 Replies
                                                                                                                                            1. re: Sloth

                                                                                                                                              Patsy: The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.

                                                                                                                                              1. re: Sloth

                                                                                                                                                just too easy, too many good drinking quotes in Abfab.(and offhand things in the sets - ever notice how the pantry turned into a walk-in champagne cooler? or how the back window of her car is strewn with bottles?)

                                                                                                                                                1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                  Same as with country songs -- just too easy. That said, "Bolly . . . must have Bolly . . . "

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: BoneAppetite

                                                                                                                                                    a Bolly-Stoli?

                                                                                                                                                    (those things are dangerous, trust me)

                                                                                                                                              2. Tequila makes my clothes fall off.

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                                                                                                                                                1. re: rainsux

                                                                                                                                                  That's an old Joe Nichols song. Light-hearted video goes with it.

                                                                                                                                                2. You know, how if you eat, before going to the grocery store, you don't buy as much food?

                                                                                                                                                  That doesn't work for the liquor store ...

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                                                                                                                                                  1. re: rainsux

                                                                                                                                                    That's a great one. Do you know where it is from?

                                                                                                                                                  2. Do you like gin? It is my only weakness.
                                                                                                                                                    --Dr. Pretorius, Bride of Frankenstein

                                                                                                                                                    1. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Ogden Nash

                                                                                                                                                      1. In memory of James Garner, this one is from Maverick

                                                                                                                                                        Never cry over spilled milk; it could’ve been whiskey.

                                                                                                                                                        1. In St. Louis late one night I saw a local TV spot from a drive through liquor store with the tag line "If she doesn't look good, you haven't had enough to drink!" or "If you don't look , she hasn't had enough to drink!" It was one of those two, I forget exactly which variant but couldn't believe that aired.

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                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Bunson

                                                                                                                                                            Bunson: 1980's? - Gina's package liquor over on the East Side? she was 24-7. gone now, but still legendary.

                                                                                                                                                            such a different era.

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                              This was actually back around 1999-2001! I had recently moved there from California for work!

                                                                                                                                                          2. "Your liver is evil and must be punished"
                                                                                                                                                            ~ SF dive bar

                                                                                                                                                            1. Speaking of Bogey again -- from To Have and Have Not:

                                                                                                                                                              Eddie to Morgan: "Drinking don't bother my memory. If it did I wouldn't drink. I couldn't. You see, I'd forget how good it was, then where'd I be? Start drinkin' water, again."