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May 24, 2014 12:43 AM

So annoyed with dinner guest

So I've had the same best friend for 25 years. Unfortunately her husband of 6 years drives me nuts. He's insanely rude at times and he doesn't even realize it. He's one of those people who feels the need to share his opinion on EVERYTHING even when it's not asked.

I've made meals for them multiple times and EVERY SINGLE TIME he has to chime in on the food. The first time was when I was making a picnic basket for us to take to the Hollywood Bowl. He's vegetarian so I told him not to worry as I was bringing hummus, avocado and tomato sandwiches. His response? "Oh...I hope not too many tomatoes. I'm not always crazy about them." I brought them dinner after he & my BF had their daughter. I walked in with a tray of lasagna. His response? "Oh" (sad face) "I was hoping you'd bring potato tacos."

It's her birthday so my husband and I are having them over for dinner tonight. I mentioned in passing to her via text that I was making cheese enchiladas. She was grateful (as always) and said she was looking forward to it. He proceeded to send me a long text msg saying how he just had to be honest but he's not a big fan of enchiladas and would I be making rice and beans on the side? He ended it by saying maybe I could just make a quesadilla for him as well (I had told his wife I'd make a quesadilla for their daughter in case the enchiladas were too spicy for her) I'm so annoyed. I haven't responded. I don't want to hurt my friends feelings but frankly I'm sick to death of her hubby's behavior. It makes me not want to ever cook for them again (which sucks because I love cooking for people, particularly my friend who's never anything but gracious)

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  1. I should also add that any restaurant my husband and I have ever suggested, BF's hubby always let's it be known that he finds the food mediocre. Whatever happened to little white lies to protect feelings???

    1. It's not fun trying to please people who will never, ever appreciate your efforts. Because you care about about the wife and kids and you know that he is relatively unappeasable go with what pleases-the people you care about. This is someone that you can't control. Don't cook anything that might make the control freak comfortable or made a focus of your efforts. Let the guy fend for himself. If he's hungry after your party what, honestly, do you care

      1. Don't cook for them anymore and when you dine out, let him pick the restsurant. There are too many other, bigger problems in life that need your attention. This situation is not worth your aggravation over it. Not sure how old you are, but I have learned this lesson with age, the hard way.

        6 Replies
        1. re: ttoommyy

          6 years of his nonsense? ttoommyy took the words right out of my mouth.

          Don't reply to his text - make him the darn kiddy quesadilla tonight(or not) and be done with it.

          1. re: ttoommyy

            I bet ya $10 if given the choice of restaurant he'll defer to everyone else and then gripe anyway. some people are just like that.

            1. re: hill food

              There is a solution to that scenario. If he doesn't make a decision, do NOT succumb to the temptation to fill the vacuum. He either makes the decision (or his wife does) or nothing happens. Period. It is essential social medicine.

              1. re: Karl S

                This guy has been enabled, and his manipulation has been working for him.

                Call the bluff and be prepared to stay the course.

                1. re: Karl S

                  I like that. He needs to experience some natural consequences. Sounds as if he's been enabled his whole life.

              2. I wouldn't make anything different than what you already planned. Don't acknowledge the text. Make 1 quesadilla for the kid.

                3 Replies
                1. re: Njchicaa

                  From my own experience, being passive-agressive really never solves much and in this case may lead to an uncomfortable evening for the OP.

                    1. re: ttoommyy

                      Quesadillas are easy, fast and cheap.
                      This one is a no-brainer, but I'd turn the spigot to a very slow trickle when it comes to ever hosting them again.

                  1. I am so sorry this is happening to you! I can understand how you feel - in fact I know people just like him, unfortunately. I think people who always complain about the food others fix or the restaurants others chose fall into two camps:
                    1, People who use food as a way to be in control. They usually have special diets or allergies of are just ridiculously picky, and they preface every meal with "I hope it's not..." or "I don't eat that," etc.
                    2. People who are immature. They act like a spoiled 5 year old, and cannot reason that this is not their last meal so it doesn't have to be their favorite food, and have not been taught it's rude to criticize a meal someone has specially prepared.
                    One of my best friends falls into both categories, and eating with her is hell on earth. She makes faces when food is served, says things like, "That looks like an autopsy" when someone orders rare meat, picks things apart on her plate looking for offending ingredients, will say, "This is disgusting" when tasting something a friend has cooked, etc. One of our other friends gets furious when this friend pulls her shenanigans, but I just shrug and ignore it. It's her issue, not mine, and I am not going to let it ruin my good time and good meal!