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my friends have no social sense at all

  • m

A friend's birthday is coming up, and because of physical limitations (can't do stairs, can't walk any significant distance, can't stand very long) I volunteered my house for the party, so she could park by the back door, and only have two steps to manage.

I suggested a potluck, with me providing the space, the linens and plates and flatware, and a big pan of roasted chicken, as an entree. I'll pick up a cake from the local bakery. Her husband sent out an invitation asking for sides and salads and wine and soda, and specifically said entree only if you don't like chicken.

So I just got an email from one of the guests announcing he'll be bringing "a freshly roasted 12 pound turkey with potatoes."

I don't know whether it was the "freshly roasted" or the "turkey" that cheesed me off more, but all I can think is that's gonna be a hell of a lot of poultry.

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  1. So there'll be turkey and chicken. Some people only like one, and some people enjoy both... it's not a slight on you, it's just what it is. At least you know in advance so you can prepare. Cook a bit less chicken and count on people eating both, or season your chicken differently so there's 'Mexican chicken' and 'traditional turkey' (or whatever). You don't get to control the menu at a potluck unless you want to make thirty individual phone calls to negotiate.

    1. they probably have a turkey in the freezer and see this as a chance to off it LOL

      that said - let it go - its a pot luck - if there is too much send people home with doggie bags

      maybe someone else can bring duck and you can have a deconstructed turduken :)

      1. You could change up your entree.
        Too much poultry- boring!!!!

        At least you know beforehand and can avoid a table full of fowl!

        I know, I know, it sucks that you called poultry first, but be the bigger person and change up your entree to make this a more interesting meal.

        12 Replies
        1. re: monavano

          But she didn't call "poultry", she called "chicken". To some people I guess there's a difference.

          1. re: coll

            My father loves chicken, hates turkey. It's like saying meat is meat, whether it's lamb or beef.

            1. re: chowser

              This is me -- I like chicken, but I'm not a big turkey fan. DH likes turkey for sandwiches and snacking, but not as part of a whole meal. We always do ham for Thanksgiving. LOL

              1. re: chowser

                the kid (our son) must have been hatched from a blue egg laid by a turkey-he would be allllll over that turkey but would also be thrilled to see the chicken-he'd do 'em both with shear excitement

                1. re: iL Divo

                  Twelve pound turkey. I could, only slightly stretching it, eat half the breast meat.

                  1. re: James Cristinian

                    yah, I myself would go straight to the oyster delicacies.

                    1. re: iL Divo

                      If no one was around I could eat every bit of skin, plus a drumstick and half a breast as stated above. Did I mention I love turkey, and since it's so hot here 6 plus months, and the wifeacita and I have wildly divergent cooking methods, I'm lucky to get it twice a year. Il Divo, I cede the oysters to you.

                      1. re: James Cristinian

                        well thank you for allowing me the gloriosity of delicately chowing down on the succulent oysters-they're so good :)

              2. re: coll

                Distinction without much of a diff to me.
                I'd still avert the redundancy if I could.
                That would be my move, but the OP can do whatever she wants.

                No harm, no foul ;-)

                1. re: monavano

                  I agree, it makes for a weird menu to me. I would at least make my chicken entree very different (not just roasted).

                  I am with the others and bet the "turkey guest" has one in the freezer and thinks this is a generous way to use it.

                  If I were the OP, I would just alter my plan for chicken a little. Maybe marinate, make Asian style, BBQ, Mexican flavors, etc.

                    1. re: sedimental

                      My feeling is if you want a menu that makes sense, don't do a potluck. If you do, it's bound to get weird. Not that weird is a problem. Our family get togethers have included a diverse menu but w/ good food.

              3. I'm with the others: Now you only need to provide the space,the utensils/linen, and the cake.

                Focus on the cleaning. It appears you were saved from "food duty".

                1. It could be the cheese.

                  1. More leftovers for all to share. You said "entrees only if you don't like chicken". So, he probably doesn't like chicken and is bringing his favorite roast turkey. Don't take offense.

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: Kat

                      This is my feeling, too. And, he's bringing a big turkey to make sure there's enough for everyone. For someone who does't like chicken but likes turkey, it is a completely different entree.

                    2. I, like you, would have initially been irritated. Then I'd likely come around to "hey, more leftovers! And maybe the carcass for stock!"

                      1. If you read Judith Martin's manners column, you'll see a great deal of the letters she receives are about proper hosting etiquette. And a great deal of those letters are about passing off responsibilities to the guests. This post looks exactly like one of those letters. She would not blame the guest for bringing turkey under the circumstances.

                        7 Replies
                        1. re: ebchower

                          yeah, it's a bit odd but not grounds for offense.

                          at least the guest who wants turkey isn't just bringing a 1/4 lb. of deli turkey.

                          1. re: hill food

                            Agree, it's a nice offering and takes some work to pull together a whole turkey, so the guest is trying, albeit making the proteins a bit redundant, to me.

                            I wouldn't discourage.

                            1. re: ebchower

                              so a potluck is passing off responsibilities to the guest in some unacceptable way? does a guest have an obligation to come? i'm just wondering whether all potlucks are supposed to be socially "unacceptable" if you have one. if so, i'm guilty. a social pariah.

                              1. re: alkapal

                                me too.
                                In fact, I'm even a control freak social pariah, as I document what each guest offers to contribute, and send out the list in a reminder email...

                                1. re: alkapal

                                  my guests always offer to bring something anyway -- and frequently arrive bearing chocolates or wine if I say "nothign" -- so at least in my case, the guests are asking to be given some responsibility!

                                  I keep a list for the sole purpose of avoiding the situation where we have 40 bags of potato chips, or 6 pies, and nothing else.

                                  Often it's as basic as keeping track of who's bringing sweet, and who's bringing savoury.

                              2. I understand the frustration. I'm always trying to stop people from bringing fresh roasted turkey to my joint.

                                1. Playing Devil's Advocate for the OP, what if your guest offered to bring a whole turkey before you announced or knew what entree you'd be making.
                                  Would you say "oh, your bringing turkey, I'll make a chicken"?
                                  Or, would you change it up a bit?

                                  1. That's lots of poultry but my guess is that turkey is what the guest is comfortable making, had on hand and really likes. You could ascribe baser motives ad nauseam but I'd just live with it and try to find ways to centerpiece the two poultries in interesting ways.. Instead of just putting a slab of turkey or chicken on a plate offer things like steamed soft tortillas, taco fixings like salsa, grated cheese, guacamole, chopped onions and cilantro might be one way to go. Dollar buns with sandwich fixings suitable to either fowl preparation are also good and less work. Obviously if you have reached your own contributory limit for this event make the suggestion to the husband. He organized the party and wants everyone else to supply the setting, drinks and grub it's the least he could do.
                                    Sometimes people (like the turkey roaster) bent on doing something contributory to an occasion just don't think it all through so make lemon-aid not lemons.

                                    1 Reply
                                    1. re: KateBChi

                                      "Sometimes people (like the turkey roaster) bent on doing something contributory to an occasion just don't think it all through so make lemon-aid not lemons."

                                      As DH says, it's not a cryable offense.

                                    2. I think he mentioned "freshly roasted" not as a slight, but to let you know you won't need to provide oven space to cook the bird.

                                      1. I'll gladly take that 12 pound turkey.

                                        The Munchers are getting ready for the US Memorial Day gathering. We will be serving between 150 to 200 friends and family. And some do not like the fabulous 30 lb stuffed turkey roasted over a hard wood fire as they think it is too spicy.

                                        May we have many problems such as yours.

                                        1. Since you are hosting and providing dessert, how about making it easier on yourself and just not make the chicken? However, as chowhounds, we all know that we want to make that chicken.

                                          2 Replies
                                          1. re: rudeboy

                                            I would be scared not to make the chicken. I once hosted a party where a friend was bringing the main dish. She showed up about 2 hours late, and everyone was starving and they hadn't known that the entrée was being brought by someone else, and things just went from bad to worse...yes, I was very young at the time.

                                            Lesson learned: Don't trust others to bring the only main dish to an event - you have no control over how reliable they will be.

                                            The person may decide not to bring the turkey at the last minute, and bring a bag of chips instead.

                                            1. re: sandylc

                                              EXACTLY -- don't COUNT on that person to bring a turkey.

                                          2. I think it's very generous. Maybe they won a free turkey from somewhere and have been trying to figure out a good use for it. Gift horse, etc. Chicken, turkey, all are good. Nice of someone to bring food!

                                            1. Reminds me of one of my (ex) friends who bought Costco roasted chickens to my Christmas party (only asked guests to bring dessert). Felt pretty annoyed because we had a freshly roasted turkey as well and she knew the menu and she complained no one ate her chicken.
                                              This girl had no common sense in general though. Would bring duplicates of dishes guests said they were bringing already (found out a friend was bringing homemade brownies, she showed up with a pan of brownies, etc.), offered to pick up samosas at a local joint for a group of 25 and showed up with 5 samosas (no joke), and also without fail she would show up 2-3 hours early for a party and leave 2-3 hours earlier than anyone else. However, in all these instances I tried to be polite and cordial – let it roll off my back. No sense in getting worked up when I have a lot of other good company surrounding me.
                                              Anyway, we had a lot of issues in our friendship (other than the food) which led us to drift apart but I don’t miss having to worry / wonder what she had up her sleeve next.

                                              2 Replies
                                              1. re: pumpkinspice

                                                I like Costco chicken, don't get me wrong, but I'd find arriving at a party and giving my host a plastic box with a chicken in it to be rather odd.
                                                So great that you let it roll off your back, because it is a rather funny story to tell now.

                                                1. re: pumpkinspice

                                                  good grief, what a dip!

                                                  i'm at that stage in life where i don't have friends who are always having "issues." i don't need the drama.

                                                2. Do you know this person, and what chance there is of them not coming through? I've been in charge of enough potlucks to know how often people flake out altogether, or don't bring what they'd committed to. To me this is the most problematic thing about letting this person say they'll bring such a big dish. is there any way you can call/email them and very nicely ask them to bring a side instead? If someone who is supposed to bring a side doesn't show up, or they bring something different than what you'd asked for, it's usually no big deal. And what if it's awful? Dry, undercooked, overly salted...Or what if they have a cold and can't make it? Or they didn't thaw the turkey in time? Also. won't the turkey and potatoes be stone cold by the time they get to your house?

                                                  Bottom line, I would not forego your chicken and trust that this person will show up with a wonderfully roasted and hot turkey that will serve as the main course for your guests.

                                                  13 Replies
                                                  1. re: christy319

                                                    Really good point.
                                                    I was envisioning a scenario where the guest might not be familiar with how to properly thaw a turkey and whoopsie, not cook all the through!
                                                    At worst, if everything goes correctly, there's lots of leftovers.
                                                    But... if that main protein doesn't make it there....

                                                    1. re: christy319

                                                      Yes, that's a hard lesson I learned over many years of hosting and co-hosting potlucks. You have to assume that people are flakes and a certain number of them will either show up late, not show up at all, or bring something totally different from what they said they were bringing. Lessons learned from one party where none of the people who said they were bringing appetizers showed up on time, and another where a guest who couldn't cook said he would bring sodas and then didn't show up at all. From then on, I would always buy/make some appetizers myself and stock enough beverages so that the timely arrivals would be taken care of and not left feeling like they had arrived too early.

                                                      1. re: cookie monster

                                                        I remember one I attended where no one made what they'd promised to, and everyone brought dessert. Everyone. A dessert potluck is great is you're expecting it, but not if you haven't had your dinner!

                                                        1. re: christy319

                                                          This happened to us at work once! We did a potluck for our clerical staff, and we ended up with 8 desserts and one pasta salad (which I brought). We all love dessert, but we needed food! LOL After that, we started doing a sign up sheet, with only 2 spots for dessert, to avoid that happening again.

                                                          1. re: christy319

                                                            I have to say, I *love* that cookie monster was the one person who "liked" your post about everyone bringing dessert, christy. :-P

                                                            1. re: LindaWhit

                                                              Wait - what - there's a problem with an all desserts potluck?

                                                              1. re: cookie monster

                                                                Now that it's come up, I think I'm going to have a dessert potluck!

                                                                1. re: chowser

                                                                  I've had a couple of those. And they are fantastic!

                                                          2. re: cookie monster

                                                            I once had a potluck where someone volunteered to bring plastic forks for all. She came almost two hours late. At least I had plenty of napkins :).

                                                            1. re: P_penelope

                                                              I let someone talk me into trusting her with appetizers. I was already onto her, though...so I served appetizers when my other guests were ready. Sure enough, she was over 90 minutes late, and was grumped that 30 people hadn't waited for her.

                                                              1. re: sunshine842

                                                                Hard to fathom, isn't it? And yet there are so many people like that just running around loose...

                                                                1. re: sandylc

                                                                  And we not only allow them to cook..we allow them to vote!

                                                              2. re: P_penelope

                                                                .....we probably have all had cirumstances like that.
                                                                the obvious late arriver to that party, who just happens to be bringing, the entire batch of wine for the evening :(

                                                          3. He only told you this yesterday, right? And I assume the party is at least a few days away? Would it be so bad if you called or emailed back and said something like this?:

                                                            "Would it be very inconvenient for you to bring something other than turkey? I'd mentioned when we were organizing everything that I'd be roasting a big pan of chicken, and having both turkey and chicken seems like a lot of poultry."

                                                            If he gets annoyed or insists, let him make the turkey, but I don't see anything wrong with reminding him in a nice way what the original plan was. And maybe he knows that turkey is your friend's favorite or something. There may be a good reason for his wanting to bring it.

                                                            1. much ado about nothing......maybe "he" (no sex related comments) had it already and it's a way to use it to good use

                                                              OR.....why not actually TALK to "him" and find out...maybe he can suggest an alternative

                                                              1. Well, maybe he he doesn't like chicken?

                                                                1. Do not ask him to bring something else. Do not change your original plans. It will be ok.

                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                  1. re: Samalicious

                                                                    Plus, if the potluck stars are aligned, there may be stuffing in that bird. Who wants to miss out on stuffing?

                                                                  2. Id be cheesed. Maybe if he was doing something different like smoking it or.. Jerk move on his part I'm sure he knows it. I don't think I would change your dish incase he bails on his dish.

                                                                    4 Replies
                                                                    1. re: daislander

                                                                      Do you think her friend is malicious and deliberately picked turkey to be a jerk at a mutual friend's birthday party? To what end? To ruin the party?

                                                                      1. re: daislander

                                                                        It's possible he didn't read the whole invitation very carefully. I notice this happening a lot on social media. People ask the dumbest questions when the information is already right there.

                                                                        1. re: ursy_ten

                                                                          A thousand times yes to this suggestion.

                                                                          1. re: ursy_ten

                                                                            ...didn't read carefully. I notice this all the time on Chowhound, done it myself even with my "superior" reading comprehension.

                                                                        2. After reading several pot luck threads here my only reply is how lucky you are to have such a generous friend!
                                                                          Worst case scenario there are leftovers....

                                                                          1. Some people like to help and don't always read, think it through or have remotely the pattern of thought we have. ;-)) At least the guest RSVP'd and is bringing something.

                                                                            The funniest pot luck we had was with the inlaw's extended family. Everybody except me brought baked beans.

                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                            1. re: wekick

                                                                              Oh that must have been a tootin' good time! For myself I wouldn't discourage the turkey (I don't like it) and make the chicken you were planning to make - lots of leftovers - or maybe make it jerk or something. I probably wouldn't eat either one if there were plenty of canapes. Love me some canapes!

                                                                                1. re: monavano

                                                                                  Had Mr. Taggert been there, he'd brought some darn good beans.

                                                                              1. I decided to host a potluck once when I was in college. One of the invited guests showed up with empty tupperware (so he could bring home leftovers). When I asked him why he didn't bring any food to contribute to the party, he said, "I don't know how to cook." The next time we had a get together, I reminded him that he needed to bring food - not just empty containers. He showed up with ONE can of Snow's Clam Chowder! For a group of 25+ hungry students! Ha! To this day, I cannot look at a can of Snow's Clam Chowder without laughing out loud.

                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                1. re: MrsPatmore

                                                                                  That's funny. Did you "de-friend" that person? Probably a guy, but I don't want to assume. It's a good idea to have empty tupperware in the car while attending a potluck, coincidentally, so one doesn't have to go about the business of returning a container. Something tells the that I should show up at Meann's potluck and bring tupperware and canapes!

                                                                                2. Meh, it's weird but not tragic. Potlucks are almost always weird in my experience; it's kind of why I like them. When else can you legitimately have pasta salad, rice, buffalo wings, home fries, and brownies on the same plate?

                                                                                  I'm not trying to minimize your feelings at all. Bringing turkey is not a choice I would make. But once you make it potluck, you're guaranteed to have sort of a random assortment of dishes. You may wind up grateful for the extra protein when That One Person shows up with a small bag of chips or a pint of deli potato salad.

                                                                                  1. My guess:

                                                                                    Your friend doesn't really cook. But he's been stuck hosting Thanksgiving before. So he's made a few turkeys in his day - maybe even got good enough at turkey to get a few compliments on his birds. Turkey is the only food he's particularly good at cooking or comfortable cooking. So he volunteered to make it, even though you're serving chicken. Because he doesn't really know how to make anything else and would feel even lamer bringing a veggie tray.

                                                                                    Don't sweat it. Heck, make some cranberry sauce.

                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                    1. re: cowboyardee

                                                                                      Funny that you mention that - I love to have "Thanksgiving in July" parties. Or Christmas - put up lights and everything. My sister's birfday is in July, and I once decorated the whole house and made Christmas Dinner.

                                                                                      I know that this doesn't really apply to the OP.

                                                                                      1. re: cowboyardee

                                                                                        I did also read that the friend is very proud of his freshly roasted turkey and is glad for the opportunity to showcase it. :)

                                                                                      2. Am I the only one who thinks some 'fowl play' is involved here?

                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                        1. I like you guys. Thanks to you all for the perspective.

                                                                                          Mostly I just needed to vent, with a side order of "am I nuts, here?".

                                                                                          Turkey guy fancies himself a flashy cook, and also birthday girl and husband themselves are the sort who would show up at a potluck with a bag of chips and a dozen Dunkin Donuts, so he may be practicing self-defensive food socializing here.

                                                                                          It still seems like a lot of poultry, so I think I'm switching over to spicy sort-of-Mexican meatballs. At least, the guy who always brings the best wine is coming, so I won't end the evening unhappy.

                                                                                          7 Replies
                                                                                          1. re: Meann

                                                                                            Sounds like a good plan.

                                                                                            1. re: monavano

                                                                                              or......he reads CH too..see's this and switches his dish to Peruvian Meatballs!!!!!

                                                                                              amazing what a 3 min voice-to-voice discussion can solve!

                                                                                            2. re: Meann

                                                                                              The meatballs sound amazing! And the best wine is always a win. I have a potluck book club meeting on Saturday after I will be away from home for 8 hours, so I'm hoping to be the person who brings decent wine instead of the person who sucks too hard to bring a homemade dish:)

                                                                                              (I'm also hoping to finish 340 of the 350 pages of the book by then, but that's a whole nother story).

                                                                                              1. re: Meann

                                                                                                Good solution--love how you just go w/ the flow. It'll make for a fun, easy going party.

                                                                                                How do you make your spicy almost Mexican meatballs? Sounds good.

                                                                                                1. re: chowser

                                                                                                  Thanks. Your basic meatballs, browned and then baked in a sauce of (forgive me) jarred salsa and a can of chipotles in adobo. Scatter on some cilantro leaves for pretty.

                                                                                                2. re: Meann

                                                                                                  You're very flexible. I would have been tempted to call the guy and ask if two poultries are really necessary, in a friendly conversational way. In my circle of friends this is perfectly acceptable, as are planned potlucks. We're friends, we communicate with each other and make detailed plans for communal meals - it's not an all or nothing "host completely or give up any reasonable semblance of a normal meal". Maybe because we do basically function as extended family. People who are *too* controlling about others' contributions quickly get shut down because nobody complies!
                                                                                                  But on second thought... he relieved you of making the boring crowd-pleaser protein! And you are now free to do what you like. It's a win, I think.

                                                                                                3. I'd probably be cheesed off initially, but as others have said, some people prefer turkey to chicken, and vice-versa.

                                                                                                  Stick with your original plan. And have lots and lots of Ziploc containers for leftovers to send home with the birthday guests. :-)

                                                                                                  6 Replies
                                                                                                  1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                    or to drop off at the nearest 'soup' kitchen.

                                                                                                      1. re: chowser

                                                                                                        To follow up about my empty-handed friend who showed up with nothing but empty tupperware (to bring home leftovers) . . . we lived in a small town, we grew up together, we all went to high school and eventually college together and we were all part of the same, small social circle. So, unfortunately, I couldn't really ditch the guy back then - although we did have quite a few unflattering nicknames for him! After college, however, I learned that he worked as a CPA but got fired from several jobs after being caught with his "hand in the cookie jar." He is still single allegedly due to his miserliness . . . he didn't attend the high school or college reunions (too cheap to buy a ticket!) Although I feel sad thinking about how this person's extreme penny-pinching has adversely affected his work and social life, I still laugh when I see a can of Snow's Clam Chowder (which ain't what it used to be, but that's a separate thread!)

                                                                                                        1. re: MrsPatmore

                                                                                                          I also had a high school friend who was too cheap to buy a ticket to our first reunion. He wanted to make some kind of plan with me to go outside at a certain time and pretend I just ran into him, and then bring him in "just to say hi" to everyone. I never talked to him much after that!

                                                                                                          1. re: coll

                                                                                                            Coll, I think that you and I have the same "friend"! I heard that the guy I know did the same thing (tried to come in as a +1 with another classmate in order to avoid buying a ticket)

                                                                                                            1. re: MrsPatmore

                                                                                                              Glad to know it's not just me with wacky friends!

                                                                                                    1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                      s842: wow there were so many names I haven't seen in quite some time, THX

                                                                                                      1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                        I also thought of the baby-back rib guy, but especially after having read through this whole thread the turkey guy does not seem anywhere near that bad. Especially after hearing that the birthday girl and her husband are complete non-cooks who can be counted on to bring nothing, I'm thinking this was not passive-aggressive malicious like baby-back rib guy.

                                                                                                      2. don't look a gift horse in the mouth. be happy!

                                                                                                        i'm not SURE that i'd count on that turkey as the only entrée as some seem to suggest -- i'd still do the chicken as planned. the person might bug out and not bring it at all.

                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                        1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                          There are several online tools to coordinate a potluck. I have never used any, as i haven't had a potluck in a while. Here's an example:


                                                                                                        2. Wow, I get the feeling I'm the only person here who wouldn't be fussed. Really, if a person can afford to get in a snit over the fact someone is bringing a 12lb turkey, I suspect that same person could afford to host wholesale, no? (Not that I hold potlucks, but I think I'd be relieved to know there's loads of food-- when I have hosted potlucky dinners, I've usually overcompensated out of fear there wouldn't be enough.)

                                                                                                          3 Replies
                                                                                                          1. re: Lizard

                                                                                                            A copious amount of wine at the potluck will solve this problem.

                                                                                                            1. re: Lizard

                                                                                                              On the topic of fussed / not fussed

                                                                                                              Honestly, it would depend on a lot of things for me. Hormones, relationship with said friend, general stress levels, how the planets are aligned... I could react with anything from "Great - the more the merrier" to an enraged "How very dare he - what a f***ing liberty!!!" and anything in between. (The latter extreme would probably have me wondering 'what was I on about?' at some point in the future though)

                                                                                                              Does that make me weird or is it like that for most of us?

                                                                                                            2. I wouldn't be too fussed about a lot of poultry. Just confirm that the Turkey Guy will have the bird carved BEFORE he shows up! In my kitchen, there's not room for two cooks. Go ahead and make whatever you want. Except for potatoes... :)

                                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                                              1. re: KarenDW

                                                                                                                Good point about the carving, or at least that he's prepared to do it. My SIL brought a huge watermelon to a dinner party and then was offended that I didn't cut it (I were hosting their family of 25+ and didn't have time/space).

                                                                                                                1. re: chowser

                                                                                                                  You should have offered to "Gallagher" it.
                                                                                                                  (or at least threaten to do it next time!)

                                                                                                              2. Reminds me of a party I threw, told everyone I'd provide mac'n'cheese, I asked one person to bring dessert & she shows up with a big pan of fettucine Alfredo (plus dessert, I must hasten to add). No one touched it -- except maybe her.

                                                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                                                  1. re: medrite

                                                                                                                    all things aside Alfredo travels very poorly makes a strange choice for a pot luck I just imagine a congealed plate of jiggly noodles.

                                                                                                                  2. I have solved the mystery! (Maybe.) Turkey guy not only brought his turkey, he brought his new lady friend, whom most of us were meeting for the first time. And she's gluten allergic. So I think he was trying to make sure she had enough to eat.

                                                                                                                    8 Replies
                                                                                                                    1. re: Meann

                                                                                                                      And maybe she was concerned about possible flour in your cooking, but didn't want to be high maintenance. Etc. I think he can come out of this looking pretty good ;)

                                                                                                                      1. re: julesrules

                                                                                                                        And I wouldn't mind at all ... I have celiac friends who are VERY sensitive, and it can be brutal. I would be heartsick if I accidentally poisoned someone.

                                                                                                                        1. re: Meann

                                                                                                                          Yeah, but there are PLENTY of gluten free dishes he could have brought that would have fit in more nicely with what you made. My crowd has a number of GF folks and GF dishes are part of all of our potlucks, and no one has resorted to bringing a turkey. I'm with the person that said he mulst have had a turkey in his freezer for ages and he thought, here's my chance to use it.

                                                                                                                            1. re: christy319

                                                                                                                              i think the point is perhaps he was concerned about making sure she had a "safe" *main* dish. as to why turkey not pork, beef etc? maybe she doesn't eat red meat.

                                                                                                                        2. re: Meann

                                                                                                                          And they would both know the exact preparation of the turkey.

                                                                                                                          He sounds like a "RARE BIRD," for her!

                                                                                                                          1. re: Meann

                                                                                                                            Funny resolution to this story. Love it. Hope you all had lot's of wine, too!

                                                                                                                            1. re: Meann

                                                                                                                              Thanks for letting us know. What a nice gesture to his new girlfriend, although it would have been easy enough for him to tell you why (or maybe he didn't want you to feel put out). Since she's a new lady friend, he might be adjusting to it all. Dealing w/ allergies is tough as etiquette goes.

                                                                                                                            2. It won't matter. Roasting and transporting a turkey sounds from the heart---generous and kind. Accept it on that basis. People will eat anything at a party, any odd combo---it doesn't matter. Just keep the atmosphere happy.