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Funniest thing a server said to you 2 (or, funniest thing you've heard in a restaurant)

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sasha1 Apr 21, 2014 09:10 PM

This post from 2011-2013 is my favorite all time chowthread.
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/7878...

There may be no more stories 800+ posts later, but if there are, bring them on!

I have a cringeworthy story that is funny in retrospect, from back when Juniors in Westwood (LA) was still open. My husband and I had a casual dinner only to be presented with an extraordinarily large tab. When we asked the waiter, he took back our bill to investigate and it turned out that he had charged to our card another table's dinner, and our dinner to their card. They were a party of six. He talked to them about the mixup first, and then came over to explain it to us. After the explanation, he asked whether we minded if he just left things as they were, and didn't re-run the cards. He said he proposed this to the other table as well, and they were ok with it!

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  1. LindaWhit RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 10:40 AM

    Wait - he charged you for the higher cost table? That's illegal. (And of COURSE the other table was fine with it!)

    4 Replies
    1. re: LindaWhit
      coll RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 10:47 AM

      Yeah that wouldn't be funny to me.

      1. re: LindaWhit
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        sasha1 RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 02:19 PM

        No, he was willing to charge us the right amount if we asked him to re-run the cards. He just didn't want to go to the trouble if we didn't mind, just like the other table didn't mind.

        It's only funny in a retrospective, people are so clueless kind of way. I know it was a bit of a stretch, but I needed to kick off the chain, and I'd already used my lost in translation story in the first chain!

        I'll repeat it here just for kicks. We had a large group from work go to a corporate chinese restaurant for someone's birthday in one of those downtown skyscrapers. And the poor waiter apparently picked up an english idiom that he just didn't quite know how to use. Because when he went around the table asking for everyone's drink order, he answered "no kidding!" to us all. We were all talking so it took about 3 no kiddings for the table to go silent and then another 3-4 for giggles to ensue.

        1. re: linguafood
          LindaWhit RE: linguafood Apr 22, 2014 04:45 PM

          Ohhh, OK - so it was a V8 moment...on the waiter's part. I would have been more than glad to V8 him - AND the other table. :-)

          1. re: LindaWhit
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            sasha1 RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 08:52 PM

            Exactly - a V8 moment.

      2. u
        UTgal RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 10:53 AM

        Years ago our waiter, who is a friend of ours, typed in our order as "possum fritters" and "raccoon skewers". I have no idea how the kitchen got our order right, he must have run back and gave them the actual order. It was hysterical - I still have the itemized receipt from that meal.

        4 Replies
        1. re: UTgal
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          sasha1 RE: UTgal Apr 22, 2014 02:21 PM

          Speaking of receipts, one of my sons is peanut allergic and we mention it each time we go out. So once we got an itemized receipt that went something like this:
          entree $20
          entree $15
          ...
          drinks $10
          peanut allergy $0

          Thank goodness they didn't charge us for it!

          1. re: sasha1
            melpy RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 03:32 PM

            That's pretty funny!

            1. re: melpy
              LindaWhit RE: melpy Apr 22, 2014 04:48 PM

              It is, BUT I'm wondering if it shows up on the ticket in the kitchen, and gives them a heads-up that there is a table with a peanut allergy in the house. Kind of smart on the restaurant/kitchen's part!

              1. re: LindaWhit
                ttoommyy RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 05:36 PM

                That's exactly what it is.

        2. c
          cleobeach RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 11:05 AM

          My husband and I were at one of our regular restaurants and had a new server.

          I ordered a glass of sauvignon blanc. The server returned with a glass of red (probably cabernet sauvignon) and placed it in front of me.

          When I told her she brought me the wrong wine, she challenged me in a very sassy tone “how do you know, you haven’t tasted it yet”

          6 Replies
          1. re: cleobeach
            LindaWhit RE: cleobeach Apr 22, 2014 11:06 AM

            That's just flat out rude of that server.

            1. re: LindaWhit
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              sasha1 RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 02:22 PM

              Rude can be funny. To someone else, in storytelling!

              1. re: sasha1
                LindaWhit RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 04:51 PM

                I guess. But a completely wrong glass of wine - like completely different color? Sounds more like stupidity on the server's part, IMO.

                1. re: LindaWhit
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                  sasha1 RE: LindaWhit Apr 22, 2014 08:52 PM

                  Another V8 moment.

                  1. re: sasha1
                    LindaWhit RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 09:11 AM

                    I keep hearing that V8 "pop!" noise on this thread. :-)

            2. re: cleobeach
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              justme123 RE: cleobeach Apr 23, 2014 01:13 PM

              ah!! a similar thing happened to me. I asked if they had zinfandel, got an affirmative answer and a lovely glass of 'pink' wine appeared. UGH. I explained to the BARTENDER that this wasn't zinfandel (didn't get into the issue of whether or not it is even wine) and he argued with me, showing me the bottle.
              I told them it wasn't what I thought and ordered a glass of merlot...

            3. coll RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 11:11 AM

              When Randazzo's Clam Bar opened an outpost here on Long Island in the 1970s, we paid a visit. They must have been trying to keep the Brooklyn vibe because our waiter was a dead ringer for John Travolta at the time. We asked him what "Clams Oreganata" was, and he replied in a Saturday Night Fever voice "It's like, you know, clams with, you know, oregano."

              You might have had to be there, but we both still crack up 40 years later when one of us says it to the other.

              1. jrvedivici RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 11:17 AM

                One of my largest faux pas as an owner/manager on the floor. A good customer comes in for dinner after what was a bit of a long spell without seeing him. Honestly the customer was much more aware of it than I was, however he brought it up when I visited the table to see how things were going.

                I approach and ask, how is everything tonight? He responds and goes on to say "I"m sorry for not being around in awhile...........{{and then the live music got a little louder and I couldn't actually hear his explanation for not being in for awhile}}.......once he as finished speaking I didn't want to make him repeat himself so when he stopped talking I just nodded and smiled and said; "It's ok, I won't hold that against you".......and walked away.

                Later in the evening the gentlemen's girlfriend came over to me and pulled me aside and said, "It's obvious you couldn't hear what he said, but I just wanted to let you know he told you he hasn't been in for awhile because his daughter passed away.................."

                Guess who got their check picked up that night!?!?!?!? Needless to say I went over and profusely apologized for my not hearing him. Probably one of my worst public embarrassments.

                7 Replies
                1. re: jrvedivici
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                  UTgal RE: jrvedivici Apr 22, 2014 11:22 AM

                  Ohhhhhhh man...I feel for you. My stomach dropped into my shoes.

                  I'm sure he understood.

                  1. re: jrvedivici
                    ttoommyy RE: jrvedivici Apr 22, 2014 11:56 AM

                    "Later in the evening the gentlemen's girlfriend came over to me and pulled me aside and said, "It's obvious you couldn't hear what he said, but I just wanted to let you know he told you he hasn't been in for awhile because his daughter passed away.................."

                    I literally spit out a pretzel I was eating when I read that! Not that the daughter's passing away is funny, but to think you said "It's ok, I won't hold that against you" in response! I hope you don't mind the laugh I got out of this, but then you did post in in a thread titled, "Funniest thing a server said to you 2 (or, funniest thing you've heard in a restaurant)"

                    1. re: ttoommyy
                      jrvedivici RE: ttoommyy Apr 22, 2014 12:01 PM

                      How could I mind.........it was probably the completely worst thing that could be said in response........even the cheesy sarcastic smile I had on my face when I said it and then just casually strolled away from the table. It was bad........but none of us are making fun of the passing of his daughter, every one share a laugh over what an idiot I am!!

                      1. re: jrvedivici
                        ttoommyy RE: jrvedivici Apr 22, 2014 01:18 PM

                        Ok, thanks.
                        I am still giggling at this as I type!

                    2. re: jrvedivici
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                      sasha1 RE: jrvedivici Apr 22, 2014 02:24 PM

                      I am doing my cringe smile right now. They one where you are smiling but appalled at yourself for doing so. Mild self flagellation I guess.

                      1. re: jrvedivici
                        NonnieMuss RE: jrvedivici Apr 23, 2014 07:50 AM

                        I once set a drink down in front of a blind customer and said , "Here's your orange juice." He loudly stated "I'm blind, sweetheart, I don't know where 'here' is."

                        "Well I guess you don't want to see a menu then." came flying out of my mouth before I could stop it.

                        Luckily he had a deep dark sense of humor and laughed. I'm still embarrassed all these years later.

                        1. re: NonnieMuss
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                          Chowrin RE: NonnieMuss Apr 23, 2014 01:27 PM

                          Lol. Hopefully you read him the menu.

                      2. Gastronomos RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 03:09 PM

                        Me: "I'll have the Chateaubriand. How is it served?"

                        Waiter: "It's like meat."

                        1. j
                          judybird RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 03:21 PM

                          Lots of years ago, when Kentucky Fried Chicken was still a pretty new chain, we stopped at one while on a road trip. I'd gotten giblets in the past at one near us. I asked if they had giblets, the response was "no, ma'am, we only serve chicken."

                          1. kitchengardengal RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 04:21 PM

                            My sister and I were at the steakhouse at the local mall (this was back in the 80s when every other mall had a steakhouse or pub).

                            I had ordered a cheeseburger, and when I lifted the top bun to put mustard on it, there on top of the burger was a lid to a large sized drink cup. My sister and I started laughing, and the waitress came over. I lifted the bun back up and said, "Look what's in here!" Very matter of factly she responded, "That's your daily ration of plastic".
                            Which of course started my sister and me howling.

                            I did get a new burger - and a meal I'll never forget. The restaurant is long gone, as are most of that mall genre, but I'll always remember the place because of that cheeseburger.

                            1. elegraph RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 06:56 PM

                              Our family's restaurant does a brisk Sunday morning business so it's difficult for any of us to make a trip to church. One of our servers chatted with her customer, who turned out to be the pastor of the church she used to attend. When he left, he said to her, "See you in church next Sunday!" to which she replied, "That WOULD be a miracle!"

                              1. meatn3 RE: sasha1 Apr 22, 2014 09:57 PM

                                I was living in a very small town in the middle of no where. Every restaurant in town pretty much served the same selection of Sysco inspired country cooking.

                                Then a chef with decent credentials moved down to be close to his ailing father and opened a restaurant. His focus was seasonal and local with many "odd" (to the area) vegetables. (Zucchini was odd in this area - had to drive an hour just to find a grocery which carried some.)

                                A group of us went to try the place and everything on the menu was tempting. I asked the waitress what she recommended. She looked at me aghast and said "How should I know? I don't eat this weird shit."

                                Needless to say the chef's venture did not prosper in that town.

                                1 Reply
                                1. re: meatn3
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                                  Uncle Yabai RE: meatn3 Apr 22, 2014 11:08 PM

                                  This reminds me of a classic I've repeated a number of times here but it's worth mentioning yet again.

                                  Setting: mid-1980s, Buzzy's Fabulous Roast Beef, a long-gone and sorely missed late-night dive outside a prison in downtown Boston.

                                  Time: 4:00 AM on a Friday morning

                                  Condition: Three sheets to the wind, coming into hangover, need something to give consistency to the puke.

                                  My roommate just looooves Buzzy's roast beef sandwich, so he goes up to the guy at the counter (more like a little window) and tells him so. They guy snaps back, "you like this shit?"

                                2. melpy RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 08:44 AM

                                  Here's an excerpt from a blog post I wrote a few years ago:

                                  The most interesting part of the meal might have been the goings on at the next table. I don't mean to poke fun at another person's ignorance but I thought it was rather an amusing turn of events. A woman and her daughter were visiting, looking at colleges. The mother was a vegetarian. She orders bolognese sauce (over crespelle filled with mushrooms). She tries to decide whether or not it is meat. Then proceeds not to eat it. My problem with the whole thing is: if you are a vegetarian (or have any dietary considerations that the kitchen should know about), and you don't know what a specific ingredient is or contains, wouldn't you ask the server? In every restaurant I have ever been to, the servers have been very gracious about dietary needs and will try and get something else for someone if what they have ordered is not able to be eaten by that person for that reason. The woman did tell the server at the end of the meal. I think it just made the server feel worse. (Although bolognese sauce by definition, at least as I understand it, contains meat.)

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: melpy
                                    jrvedivici RE: melpy Apr 23, 2014 11:07 AM

                                    On a similar note I wish I had a dollar for every time I witnessed this conversation between a server and my mother;

                                    Waitress; "Ok are we ready to order, or does anyone have any questions"

                                    Mom; " I would like the Shrimp Fra' Diablo, but can I get that not spicy?"

                                    Waitress; "Sure Shrimp Marinara......."

                                    Mom; "NO!! I want the Fra Diablo, just not spicy"

                                    Waitress; "Well Ma'am that would be Shrimp Marinara...."

                                    Mom; "I'll have chicken parm...."

                                  2. m
                                    medrite RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 09:01 AM

                                    I once had a waiter ask if I'd like to order dessert after a fabulous meal. I made my standard joke in those situations: "These are the diet desserts, right?" Without batting an eye he replied, "Yes, we leave the calories in the kitchen." Best comeback I've ever gotten to that line.

                                    3 Replies
                                    1. re: medrite
                                      ttoommyy RE: medrite Apr 23, 2014 10:58 AM

                                      Really? Becasue I waited tables for years and that was pretty much the stock comeback whenever a customer said what you did (which was just about every other shift). :)

                                      1. re: ttoommyy
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                                        medrite RE: ttoommyy Apr 23, 2014 12:15 PM

                                        First and last time I ever heard it. And I've eaten in some pretty classy joints in my time.

                                        1. re: medrite
                                          ttoommyy RE: medrite Apr 23, 2014 01:02 PM

                                          Well, there it is... I NEVER worked in a classy joint! :)

                                    2. Kat RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 09:11 AM

                                      Out at dinner at a mid-range Italian restaurant, I ordered both a glass of red wine (forget which) and seltzer water. The waitress said "Are you sure?". Perplexed as to why should question it, I confirmed. She delivered a glass of red wine mixed with seltzer, served on the rocks!

                                      5 Replies
                                      1. re: Kat
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                                        ebchower RE: Kat Apr 25, 2014 10:29 PM

                                        When I was a teen, I was at a diner with two friends and we ordered 3 Sprites. The waitress got this terrified look and said "I'm going to have to see some ID, especially from HIM (points to me.)" It was a long running inside joke that I get carded for soda.

                                        1. re: Kat
                                          melpy RE: Kat Apr 29, 2014 08:31 AM

                                          In southern Spain red table wine is mixed with gaseosa (sort of a seltzer/sprite hybrid, it has some sweetness but not like soda) to make a tinto de verano. One of my favorite drinks from studying abroad.

                                          1. re: melpy
                                            Midknight RE: melpy May 23, 2014 05:42 AM

                                            That's an italian drink, as well. Gasosa (and I'll assume it's the same in Spanish, but I could be wrong), is very similar to Sprite or 7Up.

                                            1. re: Midknight
                                              melpy RE: Midknight May 23, 2014 08:31 AM

                                              http://www.losconsejosdemama.com/inde...

                                              In Spanish it is definitely gaseosa not gasosa. It is less sweet but similar to Sprite or 7up. Read the differences explained in the PDF linked above.

                                            2. re: melpy
                                              kattyeyes RE: melpy May 24, 2014 06:35 AM

                                              Foxon Park makes gassosa--maybe you already know.
                                              http://foxonpark.com/cart.php?m=produ...

                                          2. prima RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 09:57 AM

                                            Not the funniest thing I've heard, but one of the funniest things I've seen took place at a restaurant in Cambridge,UK about 6 years ago.

                                            I ordered an iced tea, not realizing it wasn't a common beverage in the UK. The server took the order with the other drink orders, and soon brought over a ceramic teapot, a cup and a saucer. I lifted the lid of the teapot, and found a tea bag floating on some ice water, complete ice cubes. Then I started to laugh.

                                            The server looked embarrassed for a moment, then mentioned she hadn't the foggiest idea how to make iced tea, and figured that's how it was made. She then apologized if it hadn't been made correctly, and asked if she could bring me a pineapple juice instead.

                                            1 Reply
                                            1. re: prima
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                                              chileheadmike RE: prima Apr 23, 2014 11:15 AM

                                              I was on a long flight one time. As usual, a few minutes into the flight the FA came down the aisle with drinks. Soda pop and juice are too sweet to me. I really wanted some coffee, but I could smell burnt, stale coffee from several rows away so that was out. When she got to me, I asked her if she had iced tea. She said she didn’t have it, but that she had hot tea. I told her that sounded just fine, I’d like that, thanks. She asked, “What do you want in it?” Me: “Ice”

                                            2. elegraph RE: sasha1 Apr 23, 2014 08:09 PM

                                              When my son graduated from college, he took us to his favorite Middle Eastern restaurant to celebrate. For our 8-year-old daughter we ordered the grilled cheese. When the item was served, it wasn't the usual sandwich. We told the server we had ordered the grilled cheese. "Yes," he replied, "is the finest Israeli grilled feta." And it WAS delicious... just not what we expected.

                                              1. s
                                                sasha1 RE: sasha1 Apr 24, 2014 10:17 AM

                                                In college I was good friends with a southern boy, born and raised in Mississippi. He told me that you can't go to a restaurant and order a Coke, because "coke" is what they call soda. So if people order a coke, the waiter is likely to ask what kind of coke - sprite, orange, root beer, etc. I think it's hilarious imagining all those poor tourists who are thinking what do you mean, what kind of coke? A coke coke!

                                                4 Replies
                                                1. re: sasha1
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                                                  Chowrin RE: sasha1 Apr 24, 2014 10:36 AM

                                                  My mum asked for a soda in WV and got a soda float!

                                                  1. re: sasha1
                                                    EatFoodGetMoney RE: sasha1 Apr 24, 2014 11:02 AM

                                                    Other customer: "Is that gluten free"

                                                    Me: "Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

                                                    1. re: EatFoodGetMoney
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                                                      sasha1 RE: EatFoodGetMoney Apr 25, 2014 03:19 PM

                                                      You being the server? I'd only laugh - and then only if it was my last day - if they were asking about a bread basket.

                                                    2. re: sasha1
                                                      JMF RE: sasha1 Jun 14, 2014 10:21 AM

                                                      That reminds me of the time I lived in Georgia and I had just finished moving in and went with my two roommates (both female) out for some bbq (at a place I later ending up working at). They both ordered Cokes, and then the waitress asked what type. One said Pepsi, the other RC.

                                                    3. s
                                                      sumrtym RE: sasha1 Apr 24, 2014 11:08 AM

                                                      Had a meal with a friend at a restaurant in a casino one night. He's Indian born in Canada and raised in the U.S. so no accent, and I'm Caucasian. When the waitress brought back our credit cards, she couldn't figure out which went to what person so I adopted an Indian accent and said, "Of course I am Rajesh, are you not remembering?"

                                                      She apologized and gave us each back the others credit card.

                                                      8 Replies
                                                      1. re: sumrtym
                                                        EatFoodGetMoney RE: sumrtym Apr 24, 2014 11:15 AM

                                                        Hahaha, lovin' that story.

                                                        1. re: sumrtym
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                                                          sasha1 RE: sumrtym Apr 25, 2014 03:21 PM

                                                          So funny! We were at a store in Albequerque once (don't kill me on the spelling) and the cashier gave back my very American husband back his card and butchered his very American first and last name in the most exotic way. Between the silent consonants and the surprise accents, I don't even know which ethnicity she made him!

                                                          1. re: sasha1
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                                                            ricepad RE: sasha1 Apr 25, 2014 05:22 PM

                                                            By "American", I presume you mean 'Western European/Anglo'. Sadao Munemori was very American.

                                                            1. re: ricepad
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                                                              sasha1 RE: ricepad Apr 25, 2014 09:26 PM

                                                              Yes - you're right. My bad. It isn't John Smith, but close. So it was hard to fathom how it actually came out of her mouth.

                                                          2. re: sumrtym
                                                            melpy RE: sumrtym Apr 29, 2014 08:36 AM

                                                            Reminds me of my dad and his best friend. My dad buys a drink at the golf course and goes to hit and says my brother will pay for it. Cashier looks around confused as my dad continues to say this getting farther away. My dad is Italian-American. His best friend is black. They always pretend they are brothers.

                                                            1. re: melpy
                                                              ttoommyy RE: melpy Apr 29, 2014 03:04 PM

                                                              Is your dad black?

                                                              1. re: ttoommyy
                                                                melpy RE: ttoommyy May 23, 2014 08:31 AM

                                                                No.

                                                                1. re: melpy
                                                                  ttoommyy RE: melpy May 23, 2014 09:36 AM

                                                                  Sorry. I misread your post the first time. I was also confused because in this day and age a white person and a black person can certainly be brothers. But I guess if your dad is of a certain age and lives in a certain area of the US, I can see where this might stump a server.

                                                          3. jw615 RE: sasha1 Apr 24, 2014 11:38 AM

                                                            I was explaining a severe food allergy to a young and probably new server.

                                                            Server: So you have one of those needle things?
                                                            Me: Yes. An Epi-Pen.
                                                            Server: I would just die if I had to inject myself with a syringe.
                                                            Me: Well, that is the other choice...

                                                            5 Replies
                                                            1. re: jw615
                                                              LindaWhit RE: jw615 Apr 24, 2014 12:35 PM

                                                              Best.
                                                              Reply.
                                                              EVER!!!!

                                                              I'm curious - did the young server "get it"?

                                                              1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                jw615 RE: LindaWhit Apr 25, 2014 08:34 PM

                                                                Nope, at least not before she walked away. I just got a confused look in return.

                                                              2. re: jw615
                                                                suzigirl RE: jw615 Apr 24, 2014 01:10 PM

                                                                Oh man. I just made myself choke I was laughing so hard.

                                                                1. re: jw615
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                                                                  sasha1 RE: jw615 Apr 25, 2014 03:22 PM

                                                                  Dry humor at its best.

                                                                  1. re: sasha1
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                                                                    INDIANRIVERFL RE: sasha1 May 5, 2014 07:34 AM

                                                                    Finally, I have the perfect response.

                                                                    Thank You!!

                                                                2. s
                                                                  sasha1 RE: sasha1 Apr 25, 2014 03:24 PM

                                                                  Btw, I noticed that now that I opened this #2 thread, people seem to be reviving the first thread, which is so long and unwieldy it takes 5 minutes just to load. Mods, can you send them all this way and close the first thread, or am I not powerful enough to make that suggestion?

                                                                  1. t
                                                                    thingmaker RE: sasha1 Apr 27, 2014 02:04 PM

                                                                    When my DH was a kid, my future FIL took him & his sisters, cousins, ect. to the state fair. After a long day of fun, they stopped at a food cart/ souvenir stand.

                                                                    FIL ordered a long list of food for the kids and ordered 'bird on a stick' for himself, thinking that shish kebab sounded good to him.

                                                                    When they got their order, after passing out all the burgers and fries, the guy in the window handed my FIL what he had ordered- a mechanical bird toy on a stick. :)

                                                                    1. PotatoHouse RE: sasha1 Apr 28, 2014 09:43 AM

                                                                      Overheard in an IHOP by Lewis Black.

                                                                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ0s0...

                                                                      1. meatn3 RE: sasha1 May 2, 2014 02:11 AM

                                                                        I like my burgers cooked medium rare.

                                                                        Twice in a row at my go-to for burgers pub the results were radically different. Once was very well done. The next time it was just cooked on the outside and raw and cold inside.

                                                                        On the second visit when I asked the server to have the dish corrected she sighs heavily...Then precedes to explain how tired she is of explaining to people that each cook has a different interpretation of what the various terms for done-ness mean," 'cos, ya know, cooking is real creative!"

                                                                        I have since changed my go-to burger pub to one that fully understands the concept of temperature and expends their creative efforts on other aspects of the menu.

                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                        1. re: meatn3
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                                                                          Puffin3 RE: meatn3 May 2, 2014 06:04 AM

                                                                          We went for our usual dinner at a Lahaina restaurant. Live small stage entertainment every night the same. Six dancing 'warriors' supposedly having just arrived by canoe from Tahiti according to the audio taped 'entertainment host'. Our same 'stoned' young waitress hobbled over. She had a large bandage around her leg. She said a barracuda had bitten her that day. She always looked at the top of my year when I was ordering for some reason. Then a bus boy tipped over a full cart of dishes just entering the swinging doors going into the kitchen. Then the entire set of stage lighting came crashing down in front of the on-stage 'warriors' just as our barracuda victim brought our steamed lobsters.
                                                                          I said jokingly: "Well it looks like things are going real smooth tonight". She looked at the top of my ear and earnestly said: "Yeah for once".

                                                                        2. BiscuitBoy RE: sasha1 May 2, 2014 06:54 AM

                                                                          More WTF than funny - Fast Food version: Rolled up to a Mcd's drive thru around 10pm one night a few years ago. This was one of those "open 24 hrs" stores. "Large fries please." The speaker replies, "I'm sorry, we're out of fries." I ask them how mcd's can run out of fries, and the reply, "we can make you hash browns?" Long silence on my end, "okay." I get to the window and they give me 2 orders of hash browns on the house...put them in a large fry box, even

                                                                          5 Replies
                                                                          1. re: BiscuitBoy
                                                                            Gastronomos RE: BiscuitBoy May 2, 2014 11:35 AM

                                                                            I haven't been in a long while, but last there I saw that the 'hash browns' were not peppery at all anymore. I recall when they were 'real hash browns' and had plenty of black pepper in them, as they are supposed to.

                                                                            1. re: Gastronomos
                                                                              BiscuitBoy RE: Gastronomos May 2, 2014 11:39 AM

                                                                              blanding it down for the masses, maybe

                                                                            2. re: BiscuitBoy
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                                                                              sasha1 RE: BiscuitBoy May 4, 2014 10:28 PM

                                                                              Many years ago, we were driving around one of the Hawaiian islands on some remote-ish route, and were starving. We passed a hamburger shack and got out to order some burgers. The lady wouldn't sell them to us. She said - "they take too long to cook. You should get something else." And after not being able to talk her into it - we just left. Still don't know what was up with that.

                                                                              1. re: sasha1
                                                                                coll RE: sasha1 May 5, 2014 06:38 AM

                                                                                She was probably out of them but didn't want to admit it.

                                                                                1. re: coll
                                                                                  ttoommyy RE: coll May 5, 2014 07:11 AM

                                                                                  That or she just couldn't be bothered.

                                                                            3. iL Divo RE: sasha1 May 5, 2014 08:38 AM

                                                                              ...couple tables away a patron asked,
                                                                              "will the baby ever settle down?"

                                                                              "well it's no wonder 'he' came into this $7 BBQ lunch buffet"

                                                                              "do they plan on leaving anything left for the rest of the diners?"

                                                                              "would you like change back?" ya think! $100 left on check for a $21.27 total bill.......

                                                                              "sir, did you authorize paying for that table as well?"

                                                                              1. m
                                                                                macsak RE: sasha1 May 23, 2014 05:52 PM

                                                                                was at a chinese restaurant with a group of friends
                                                                                chinese waitress suggests we order "beef with wegtables"
                                                                                friend asks, "what kind of wegtables do you have?"

                                                                                7 Replies
                                                                                1. re: macsak
                                                                                  linguafood RE: macsak May 24, 2014 02:55 AM

                                                                                  I don't get it.

                                                                                  1. re: linguafood
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                                                                                    ricepad RE: linguafood May 24, 2014 08:40 AM

                                                                                    I think the waitress was auditioning for the role of Ensign Chekov….

                                                                                    1. re: linguafood
                                                                                      m
                                                                                      macsak RE: linguafood May 24, 2014 10:25 AM

                                                                                      waitress pronounced the "v" as a "w"
                                                                                      my friend, without thinking, asked the question pronouncing it the same way, much like my post below about the credit cards

                                                                                      1. re: macsak
                                                                                        linguafood RE: macsak May 24, 2014 03:26 PM

                                                                                        Gotcha.

                                                                                        1. re: linguafood
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                                                                                          Lizard RE: linguafood May 24, 2014 06:02 PM

                                                                                          Accents. They're hilarious. HILARIOUS, I tell you. What is it with people who speak more than one language?

                                                                                          1. re: Lizard
                                                                                            Kris in Beijing RE: Lizard May 24, 2014 06:32 PM

                                                                                            You know the joke?

                                                                                            What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
                                                                                            Trilingual
                                                                                            What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
                                                                                            Bilingual
                                                                                            What do you call a person who speaks one language?
                                                                                            American

                                                                                            1. re: Lizard
                                                                                              ttoommyy RE: Lizard May 26, 2014 06:19 AM

                                                                                              I think the gist of @macsak's post is that his friend repeated back to the waitress "wegetables" without thinking. I've done the same in similar situations. The person is not purposely mimicking the other person with the accent; it just happens. I've found this funny/embarrassing when it's happened to me.

                                                                                    2. m
                                                                                      macsak RE: sasha1 May 23, 2014 05:53 PM

                                                                                      i was paying one time and the cashier asks me, "will you be paying with Veeser or Mastercard"
                                                                                      i replied "Veeser"
                                                                                      :0

                                                                                      1. m
                                                                                        macsak RE: sasha1 May 24, 2014 05:47 PM

                                                                                        just remembered a story from another friend
                                                                                        family-run hole-in-the-wall chinese restaurant in denver
                                                                                        specials menu on paper on the wall
                                                                                        owners must've learned english from the "sound it out" school
                                                                                        special was "virginia ham"
                                                                                        except they spelled it V...A...G...I...
                                                                                        you can guess the rest, i hope
                                                                                        my friend wanted to order it, but he thought it might not be what he expected...

                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                        1. re: macsak
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                                                                                          sasha1 RE: macsak Jun 3, 2014 11:05 PM

                                                                                          I hate to say it and perpetuate stereotypes, but sometimes Chinese restaurant menus are the source of much mirth.

                                                                                        2. kitchengardengal RE: sasha1 May 24, 2014 08:03 PM

                                                                                          We were at the Old Country Buffet when #1 son was maybe six or so. In one of those stage whispers that kids use at a volume everyone can hear, he asked, "Mom, why is everyone here so fat?".

                                                                                          How the hell do you answer that?

                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                          1. re: kitchengardengal
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                                                                                            nothingswrong RE: kitchengardengal May 24, 2014 08:05 PM

                                                                                            Lol! My younger brother did that once in a similar all-you-can-eat restaurant.

                                                                                            We also once had a very enthusiastic server at TGI Friday's or one of those kitschy restaurants and the same brother said very loudly "Why is he being so annoying?"

                                                                                          2. Kris in Beijing RE: sasha1 May 26, 2014 03:41 PM

                                                                                            This happened to me yesterday, and I almost posted it whilst still in the restaurant.
                                                                                            A local chain we visit 2x+ a month has just begun carrying Coke Zero this calendar year-- I'd been asking since Aug 2011!
                                                                                            Server delivers my glass of Coke Zero. I taste. It tastes just like cleaning product. Shudder. And my tongue feels "fuzzed" and tingles.
                                                                                            I flag the server [whom I've never seen before] and she says
                                                                                            "Oh, EVERYBODY says our Coke Zero tastes off. Can I get you a REAL Coke or a Diet?"
                                                                                            I am flabbergasted, but ask for a Diet. It arrives and the "mix" is off.
                                                                                            I sip water.

                                                                                            Later she sees my now-empty water glass and says "Oh, can I get you a refill?" and I nod.
                                                                                            She returns in a fly by delivery and says--"Here's your Coke Zero!"
                                                                                            It tastes fine/ normal/ great.

                                                                                            I stewed for most of my lunch, but blamed myself for being upset and not saying anything about it.

                                                                                            1. cookie monster RE: sasha1 May 26, 2014 03:58 PM

                                                                                              Catching up on this thread reminded me of something that happened a few years ago. Friend and I were at a local casino, and were lucky enough to catch a very young cocktail waitress during her very first day on the job. My friend ordered a vodka martini on the rocks with olives. Now setting aside the "that's not really a martini" debate, it's not a very complicated drink order. But our server clearly had no idea what it was, and my friend repeated it a couple times while she wrote it down. (I kept things simple and ordered a glass of red wine.) She returned, quite a while later, with a glass of red wine and an apple martini. With olives in it. Yuck. Stifling laughter, my friend explained how that was not in fact what she had ordered, and expressed surprise that any bartender would actually make that cocktail. Waitress replied "oh no, I added the olives. You did say you wanted olives."

                                                                                              1. Atomic76 RE: sasha1 May 31, 2014 06:03 PM

                                                                                                This is the other way around - some funny things customers have said to me when I was waiting on them...

                                                                                                One guy was dining with his wife, and when I brought them their check I asked them if there was anything else I could get for them - to which he replied "yeah, how about a tall blonde?". His wife, a brunette, didn't look too thrilled.

                                                                                                One of my other coworkers, who happened to be working the shift is technically "tall" and "blonde" - he's also super gay :D So I explained it to him, and asked him to swing by the table as a joke.

                                                                                                He stopped by and was like "So I heard you were looking for a tall blonde..." in a really flaming voice. His wife was cracking up, and she threw another $15 down on my tip.

                                                                                                4 Replies
                                                                                                1. re: Atomic76
                                                                                                  kattyeyes RE: Atomic76 May 31, 2014 06:09 PM

                                                                                                  FTW! :D

                                                                                                  1. re: Atomic76
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                                                                                                    sasha1 RE: Atomic76 Jun 3, 2014 11:08 PM

                                                                                                    Good for you! Maybe that night at least someone put him in his place. I feel bad for the wife. What a jerk.

                                                                                                    1. re: sasha1
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                                                                                                      chompie RE: sasha1 Jun 3, 2014 11:33 PM

                                                                                                      The other nite we were at a restaurant where the Board of Health was doing a routine surprise inspection, chefs and guys with clipboards all around.. When it came time to pay the bill I looked at the pen the waitress provided and it was from G & S Pest Control!
                                                                                                      maybe more ironic than funny....

                                                                                                      1. re: chompie
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                                                                                                        chompie RE: chompie Jun 3, 2014 11:35 PM

                                                                                                        oh yeah, same waitress..I asked her if the carrots were crunchy or well done and she looked shocked and said "How am I supposed to know?? I never eat the carrots!"

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