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I'm sorry you don't like what I ordered, but keep your thoughts to yourself

I was at dinner last night with 2 friends. "Jim" ordered spaghetti with white clam sauce. "Roz" had a salad with seared tuna, and went on and on about how she thinks white clam sauce is "not good" and you may as well put rubber erasers in garlic on your spaghetti, "Jim" finally blew up and told "Roz" to pipe down about his food of choice. These 2 consider themselves good friends, so I think "Roz" felt confortable speaking her mind on his entree, and her thoughts on food in general. Similar comments were made about dessert choices, and rather than facilitate a conversation about food, it served to make everyone uncomfortable.

I am fine with people having whatever opiniion they want about what I order - to each his own and as long as I am happy with my choice I'm all set. But last night there was some tension and "Roz" did not understand "Jim's" position. The 2 are now barely on speaking terms.

What do you think - is it OK among friends to speak candidly about food choices, or is it just plain rude? Should we care what people think?

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    1. re: nothingswrong

      Maybe? If verbal sparring equates to that kind of chemistry it is very possible!

      1. re: SamuelAt

        I was kind of joking, but it seems there is something else going on there.

      2. re: nothingswrong

        My thoughts exactly. Possibly some subtext going on here. ;)

        1. re: nothingswrong

          nothingswrong: if they were they're not anymore (and that point in the timeline was before the dinner)

        2. This is the textbook example for "Don't yuck my yum". "Roz" needs to learn enough good manners to keep her opinion to herself. Who is she to determine what someone else wants to eat?

          There is a very fine line among good friends between speaking one's mind and being frankly rude. Making people uncomfortable is the opposite of what good friends ought to be doing. In the future, "Roz" can order her seared tuna salad and pipe down about anyone else's choices. Truly, it is none of her business.

          1. Its all in the tone - and the repetition - a comment that you don't like lasagna is different than mocking ones decision to order lasagna and demeaning them for such poor taste in food. Sounds like your friend pushed the topic a bit too hard. With a few drinks in me as "Jim" I could pick a fight over this starting with "if you don't like lasagna you clearly just never had good lasagna and also obviously don't know shit about food in general because you are an iditot" and on we go

            1. There's no way to make a negative comment about someone else's food choices and not cause at least some level of offense. If you've had the dish at that particular restaurant, and they haven't, then you might make a comment about whether they prepare it properly not. That at least is useful information - so long you mention it *before* they've ordered it

              Otherwise, it's best to keep your thoughts to yourself and enjoy what you have ordered.

              I also wonder, like nothingswrong did, if there wasn't some unspoken subtext to this food discussion; if not, there's just no other answer - "Roz" was just plain rude, period.

              1 Reply
              1. re: mcsheridan

                Sure there is, the person on the receiving end has to actually have a spine though and not need validation on every choice they make. Now if it happens at every single meal or every time the specific topic is mentioned that's a whole other issue.

              2. I squirm in my seat when I hear my dining companions order 'the steak' in any restaurant, but I never make a comment. But when I order the sweetbreads in a white wine lemon sauce, everyone seems to deem it ok to make comments that would make anyone uncomfortable and even lash back with comments. But why would I want to push my Chowhoundness on others? Let them eat whatever they want, just as long as I get what I want.......

                17 Replies
                1. re: Gastronomos

                  It's a shame you get comments about being more adventurous.
                  Agree on "the steak"- seen if backfire.

                    1. re: Gastronomos

                      funny, Gastronomos, because i get critical comments because i WON'T order "the steak."

                      never could figure out why it matters to so many people. . . .

                      1. re: westsidegal

                        Funny indeed. I'll be sitting with nice company and they'll order 'the steak' and when I order anything other than 'the steak' I'll get all sorts of comments. It's like I insulted them or something. Hell, if you want a steak, for whatever your reason, go ahead. Just cause I won't order one in a restaurant shouldn't be such a personal problem to anyone. There are people out there that seem to take offense to Chowishness no matter what. I make no comments about their choice but people are often offended by mine.
                        Maybe I should just give in to the Laws of Power and order 'the steak' or whatever they order, but I want to just enjoy my food as much as they enjoy their comfort in their choice...

                          1. re: Gastronomos

                            Personally, it does not bother me at all if someone at my table orders steak. I usually order seafood if we are eating at a steakhouse. I always order steak when I find myself at Texas Roadhouse (my father and brothers like the place).

                            1. re: John E.

                              I never order steak in a restaurant either - I prefer seafood. But I have a good friend who loves the Texas Roadhouse - he always orders steak in most of the restaurants we go to. So when we go to the Texas Roadhouse I'll order the petite filet with sauteed mushrooms, a loaded baked potato and salad and it IS pretty damn good! And reasonable too.

                              1. re: John E.

                                ya' know... it doesn't "bother" me either, by itself. It's just that if I don't, it's like I insulted them. And they make it very uncomfortable. Whatever.
                                This video was a reply to me in this post somewhere, it is Perfect... http://youtu.be/PcMaZLiqVpI

                                1. re: Gastronomos

                                  Sorry, I guess I was focusing on 'the steak' and the fact that I sometimes do order a steak in a restaurant, rather than your dining companions' comments to you. I don't understand that either.

                                  It's like going to Mendes with Kenny Bania.

                                  1. re: John E.

                                    exactly. in both ways. understanding is beyond comprehension

                            2. re: westsidegal

                              How does that even enter into the conversation? What kind of situation are you in where people would dictate what you should order (as opposed to the topic of this thread, which is about people being critical of what you did order)?

                            3. re: Gastronomos

                              I can understand a steak being a safe choice, but a really great steak is actually not always easy to find! But that said, I usually order something else unless I am in a steak house, or have a serious craving.

                              1. re: Gastronomos

                                I order 'the steak' in lots of restaurants. I have a number of allergies, and often it is the safest option compared to other things. I wish that I could get something more fun, but a steak and baked potato is almost always safe for me, and going out is not all about the food.

                                However, I'm also the person that goes through the entire menu and looks for fun things to suggest for my husband to order. Plus, if I look through the menu, I find ideas for things that I can make at home in a way that will not kill me.

                              2. I think it was plain rude. I don't think there is any level of familiarity (even my husband, with whom I do... um... sleep!) that should entice ridicule for a food selection. Let people choose what they want and you choose what you want. That was really uncalled for, IMHO.

                                1. I think that if she had stopped after the first comment it may have been okay. The problem is that, as you say, she went on and on.

                                  1. That's just odd and rude. I'd be extremely put off if someone commented negatively on what I had ordered.

                                    1. Was Roz a bit tuned up with a few drinks?

                                      23 Replies
                                      1. re: monavano

                                        Roz had a couple of Gimlets, Joe had a Chocolate Martini, and if I had made a comment, I would have told him I think a Chocolate martini and Spaghetti with white clam sauce sounds like a disgusting combination.

                                        1. re: SamuelAt

                                          I had assumed "Jim" was male and "Roz" was female given the names and pronouns used, but based on the evidence provided by the drink orders, I will now assume you threw a curveball with the names to protect the guilty. Chocolate martini??? I will probably get flamed for making this statement but I've never known a guy to order a chocolate martini.

                                          1. re: Bkeats

                                            That reminds me of going to a fancy resort bar with my brother in law, who is a muscular jock. The waiter had a real problem delivering our drinks correctly - gin martini for me, cosmopolitan for BIL.

                                            1. re: Bkeats

                                              Names have been changed, genders have been not. I think maybe he ordered it because he does not like the taste of alcohol?

                                              1. re: Bkeats

                                                why is besmirching the guy's cocktail choice any better than trashing his choice of meal?

                                                1. re: sunshine842

                                                  Because it's easier to talk shit when you've had a few drinks...

                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                    It's not, and I said nothing, but find me anyone on here who thinks a chocolate martini would be a good taste between mouthfuls of speghetti with clam sauce...?

                                                    1. re: SamuelAt

                                                      beside the point.

                                                      It's his money, and his mouth -- not my problem, and not really my place to comment. (I agree it's weird...but if that's what an adult wants to do....hey, life's too short)

                                                      1. re: sunshine842

                                                        I agree, and as I said made no comment.

                                                2. re: SamuelAt

                                                  now if I were to gripe and be pissy about anybody's order (of any gender), it would have been about the chocolate 'martini' before dinner.

                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                    I've never ordered a chocolate martini, but I have had chocolate vodka on the rocks. My father regularly drinks vodka martinis with vermouth but he occasionally gets weird and buys flavored vodka. The last time it was cake flavored vodka. I hope he never buys the Fruit Loops flavor.

                                                    1. re: John E.

                                                      ok but BEFORE dinner? uggh.

                                                      I'd still roll my eyes, yet keep my stupid mouth shut. I wouldn't even bother to explain why it wasn't a martini. your business and digestion.

                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                        What's wrong with having a cocktail before dinner?

                                                        I understand the 'not a martini thing'. Some purusts say a martini can only be made with gin.

                                                        1. re: John E.

                                                          cocktails before dinner? no problem, required even. it just tastes sort of more a dessert in a glass that's all, hell I used to extend cocktail hour so long we sort of forgot about dinner and ordered a pizza. that's all.

                                                          1. re: hill food

                                                            "... I used to extend cocktail hour so long we sort of forgot about dinner and ordered..." breakfast at the diner...
                                                            at 4am... (last call is 4am)...

                                                            1. re: Gastronomos

                                                              This was actually what he drank at dinner. Either way, I have to say it would not be and was not my choice. Remarkably, no comments were made on drink orders - just food!

                                                              1. re: SamuelAt

                                                                "Remarkably, no comments were made on drink orders - just food!"

                                                                that was the "load"... the straw that broke the camels back was the rubber bands "Roz" was once served... and thought she saw on his plate.

                                                            2. re: hill food

                                                              The chocolate flavored vodka I had tasted of cocoa, but certainly was not sweet. It never occurred to me that it was "a dessert in a glass". There are many cocktails that include sugar and juice that are sweet and they don't seem like desserts either.

                                                              1. re: John E.

                                                                Oh I had a choc-latini in Las Vegas, at a very good hotel, that was SO sweet.

                                                                If I could have had a cocoa flavored one that was not so sweet I would have been a very happy girl!

                                                                1. re: happybaker

                                                                  I guess I've never had an authentic choclatini.

                                                            3. re: John E.

                                                              I believe that ALL purists would say a Martini is gin and vermouth because that is what a Martini is.

                                                              1. re: Virginian

                                                                yes. and gin is the 'original' 'flavoured vodka'...

                                                    2. It's the "on and on" thing that is the problem in my opinion. If someone --especially a good friend-- said to me simply "I think clam sauce is bad --might as well put rubber erasers on pasta," depending on my mood, I might quip back that I like rubber erasers, or that now I do not feel guilty not offering a taste, or then its a good thing you didn't order it for yourself. Or I might take a more accomodating line: yes it can, but if it is done right with good clams it is not at all bad or like erasers. But if the person continues to go "on and on", I'd start to get annoyed --at that point it goes beyond a comment about a food preference and into a personal attack.

                                                      3 Replies
                                                      1. re: MagicMarkR

                                                        I just answered similarly without seeing your reply first. :)

                                                        1. re: MagicMarkR

                                                          I think you nailed it - that was really the problem. He laughed the first time she said it. Maybe that is why she repeated it several times.

                                                        2. One of my shrink's favorite stories was from when I lived for a month at my parents house when I was in my 20's - I went out and bought Grape Nuts and bananas for breakfast one day -

                                                          When I returned with my bags my father looked at me and said "Why are you eating bananas?"

                                                          I couldn't even understand his question/statement (and got furious) until my shrink and I figured out that he doesn't like bananas and therefore couldn't understand how anyone else could like bananas.

                                                          That said - I think it's fine to tease friends sometimes, you just have to be aware enough to know when to stop...

                                                          2 Replies
                                                          1. re: harryharry

                                                            Sounds like my MIL, who doesn't eat gluten but insists every time she see's bread in the house says " I can't eat that". I just say, " well, we like it".

                                                            1. re: harryharry

                                                              I used to cook for my ex-boyfriend's family (long story short - his Dad was having heart trouble and his Mother and I banded together to improve his diet) and I'd put "exotic" ingredients in things, like pumpkin and seasame seeds as a garnish on a green sald. BF's brother used to crowd me while I was cooking: "I don't like that, or this, or those....". I always cut him off quickly with "then isn't it great that I was making that for Dad? You can go get a cheeseburger."

                                                              He couldn't comprehend people liking things that he didn't like, or trying new things to improve their health, but he did understand "I don't care, it's not for you".

                                                            2. I'm not easily offended so a friend expressing their opinion and telling me they personally don't like something I order or even a simple "I don't know how you can eat that, I hate clam sauce" would be fine with me, but to go on and on about it would just be annoying. I don't go out to dinner with friends to hear their opinions of what I choose to eat the whole time.

                                                              To answer the second part, no, we should not give a shit about what people think about what we eat. To each their own. If you enjoy it, eat it.

                                                              1. I would never consider criticising the choice of my partner of some 42 years standing. I might ask her how she was enjoying it in a certain tine, but never an overt criticism

                                                                1. This kind of thing really rubs me the wrong way. I have a good friend who has some particular food dislikes, and one of the only disagreements I can ever recall us having was when she went on and on about how disgusting my [rather innocuous] choice of meal was, with lots of nose-wrinkling and eewwwws included. i listened quietly and continued to eat for a while until I finally lost patience and said something along the lines of "Would you please shut up and let me enjoy my dinner?" Didn't go over well. And on the other side, I have some very strong food dislikes, including all forms of fish and seafood, but I would never comment negatively on what my friends order. Many of them know I don't like seafood, and if someone doesn't, what's the point of my expressing how much I can't stand salmon / lobster / tuna / whatever? Obviously they do like it since they ordered it.

                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                  1. re: cookie monster

                                                                    God that would annoy the hell out of me. "ewwwww" "how can you eeeeeat that?"

                                                                    I would've said the same thing.

                                                                    I also can't stand seafood but would never comment on someone else's order. In fact, often when I'm out to dinner with my parents, my father will order fish and he always offers me a bite. Like the pushy parent offer, where he cuts a huge piece of it and starts trying to shove it onto my plate. I've hated seafood since I was a little kid, but even so, I just say "No thanks dad." I don't see the point in going "EWWWW GROSSS I HATE SEAFOOD." Nobody cares.

                                                                  2. This post reminds me of when I was in high school. Having lunch with my friends in the cafeteria. Commenting on what I ate. Some people never grow up. What happened to having some manners.

                                                                    1. Wow, really inconsiderate and childish behavior, IMO. Even my kids know not to do that.

                                                                      5 Replies
                                                                      1. re: Dirtywextraolives

                                                                        Serious reply:
                                                                        A When my order arrived I would have got up with my food and gone to sit by myself at a different table. If no table was available I would have taken my food to the counter and asked that it be 'doggy-bagged'. Then I would have left without saying a word to the other two.
                                                                        Had one or both of them come up to me and asked what I was doing I would have told them I no longer wished to dine with either of them that night.
                                                                        Then I would have severed my friendship with 'Roz'.
                                                                        At some point most of us understand how short life is and what a waste of vital time it is to be involved with anyone who is not adding to one's quality of life but rather the opposite.
                                                                        AKA: Who needs that shit?
                                                                        People like 'Roz' are emotional moochers. They never ever change their spots. Don't worry about 'Roz'. After you cut her loose she'll find some one else to emotionally mooch off. Until that person cuts her loose then 'out comes the stack of business cards and the Rolodex' of people she's met before.

                                                                        1. re: Puffin3

                                                                          Roz and Jim are not speaking right now. It's too bad, but maybe they'll work it out. I have a thicker skin, and though Roz can direct some comments my way, I don't pay it much attention.

                                                                          1. re: Puffin3

                                                                            <Then I would have left without saying a word to the other two>

                                                                            A serious reply?
                                                                            Nobody 'emotionally mooches' off of me and, after reading over the OP a few times, my first reaction would have been to laugh out loud at the two of them for their ridiculously childish behavior and enjoyed the show. They're not speaking to each other now?
                                                                            You've got to be kidding me…over clam sauce?

                                                                            1. re: latindancer

                                                                              Right. If this is the level of emotional maturity these people are displaying who needs them?
                                                                              If I want that sort of childishness I'll visit a day-care.

                                                                              1. re: Puffin3

                                                                                I can understand that. I do think friends should be able to talk about food, and what they like, but respect limits. Roz is stubborn.

                                                                        2. "roz, i don't care if you think i have poor taste in food. my concern is that if you continue repeating yourself, people will think i have poor taste in friends."

                                                                          1. I think he should of punched "Roz."

                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                            1. re: beevod


                                                                              A little slapstick, along with the melodrama, always makes for good entertainment. I'm a little surprised they didn't start throwing things at each other.

                                                                            2. The fact that "Roz" did not get it when "Jim" told her to pipe down about his spaghetti with clam sauce and then made similar disparaging remarks about dessert mean "Roz" is oblivious to her rudeness. Because that is exactly what it was.

                                                                              And if she's calling clams "rubber erasers", it means she's not had well prepared clams.

                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                Roz said she enjoys her clams at rawbar.

                                                                              2. I hate this and it happens to me ALL THE TIME!! A casual example from a few weeks ago - minding my own business drinking a protein shake a coworker asks "what is that" to which I respond "it's a protein shake." Coworker: eww that's gross, Me: silence, Coworker: is that milk?, Me: No it's almond milk, Coworker: eww, I hate almond milk. I like soy milk. Uh OK thanks for sharing. I have my own thoughts about soy milk but never would I criticize it while she was eating it and only if she inquired as to my thoughts very directly.

                                                                                I find this behavior very rude but it seems to be quite rampant, at least in my world.

                                                                                6 Replies
                                                                                1. re: fldhkybnva

                                                                                  All I can hope is that your coworker acted like a dolt in front of other coworkers.
                                                                                  Your calm responses would have said it all.

                                                                                  1. re: fldhkybnva

                                                                                    <I have my own thoughts about soy milk but never would I criticize>

                                                                                    Me either. Over the years I've had many acquaintances who, when they see me ordering milk for my cappuccino, will tell me the virtues of soy milk and why it's 'better'.
                                                                                    I say nothing. Why do they have to inject their opinions?

                                                                                    1. re: latindancer

                                                                                      I don't get it, the need to comment. Another experience - one day eating my salad with mustard again minding my own business...coworker #2: why do you eat so much mustard? My response to many of these comments is just silence because I truly have no idea what to say to such an insane question other than "because I like it."

                                                                                    2. re: fldhkybnva

                                                                                      My favourite retort when asked something that is none of anyone's business but mine: "Why do you ask?".
                                                                                      Work's every time. When the answer is "I just wanted to know". I ask again "why?".
                                                                                      Doesn't take more than once or twice for the average sentient person to get the message. For those who don't I ignore them and walk away.

                                                                                      1. re: Puffin3

                                                                                        That's a great tactic. Turning the tables.

                                                                                      2. In theory - I am a huge supporter of don't yuck someone's yum. And in any kind of professional/formal/meeting strangers situation, I could never see myself doing anything like this.

                                                                                        But, there are also foods I strongly dislike - and if I'm in a situation where I'm a bit relaxed, around friends, maybe have had a glass of wine - if someone were to order a hard boiled egg covered in black pepper, nigella seed and olive tapenade (just to take some items I really don't like) - it'd be hard for me to have a truly neutral response. And I could see a situation, particularly if I was encouraged (by the person who ordered the dish or other diners) to perhaps take my 'yuck' a bit too far.

                                                                                        So I have sympathy for someone ending up down the "didn't know when to stop" road - but in general it's definitely not my go-to way of behaving no matter who I'm around.

                                                                                        13 Replies
                                                                                        1. re: cresyd

                                                                                          What business is it of your's if they order the hard boiled egg? You're not eating it. There's no need to comment on it.

                                                                                          1. re: Jeanne

                                                                                            Hard boiled egg covered in black pepper is an unusual item to find in a restaurant...but I see the main point!

                                                                                            1. re: SamuelAt

                                                                                              I saw hardboiled eggs sold in a gas station the other day.

                                                                                              1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                Eggcelent protein on the go. Many convenience stores sell them.
                                                                                                They are a delicious, nutritious, filling and very cheap meal.

                                                                                                1. re: monavano

                                                                                                  Yea, I see them at 7-11 and Wawa pretty routinely.

                                                                                                  1. re: monavano

                                                                                                    Yes, excellent protein on the go, for sure.

                                                                                                    The whereabouts with this particular greasy, grimy, station, filthy and disgusting, out in the middle of nowhere, was my main objection.
                                                                                                    I didn't want to know where the eggs came from…
                                                                                                    Let's just put it that way.

                                                                                                  2. re: latindancer

                                                                                                    why is it gross? did they cook the eggs on the car's engine?
                                                                                                    speaking of gas station, french sell macarons at gas station...oh man, i love that country.

                                                                                                    1. re: Monica


                                                                                                      Okay, you're right. Got a little carried away.
                                                                                                      This was no ordinary gas station in the middle of a town.
                                                                                                      But, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe one of the local farmers brought their hardboiled eggs to the gas station that's located 50 miles from the nearest human in the desert that's so parched not even the buzzards find it compatible.

                                                                                                2. re: Jeanne

                                                                                                  I know it's not my business.

                                                                                                  And as I mentioned, if I were in a more "proper" setting (people I don't know very well, work function, etc.), I wouldn't say a thing. The other day my very close friend ordered a dish of brussel sprouts that came topped with chopped hard boiled egg - and even though I thought "wow, I'm really glad I didn't order that (as the eggs weren't mentioned on the menu)" - I only mentioned it in passing when asked if I wanted to try one.

                                                                                                  But I put out a theoretical dish full of ingredients that I have a strong negative response to. And so I can sympathize with an initial moment of thinking "ew gross" and not keeping that thought to myself in a more relaxed context. Or more likely, making a face or saying so little that a close friend might say "tell me what you're thinking".

                                                                                                  This level of low impulse control is not something that's universal for me in all settings - but I can sympathize with the OP's Roz in terms of being with close friends. I think she went too far - but I can relate to that moment of weakness.

                                                                                                3. re: cresyd

                                                                                                  Just wondering do you just dislike tapenade or olives in general?

                                                                                                  1. re: fldhkybnva

                                                                                                    Olives in general. I made up a dish full of a number of ingredients I don't like to the point where I might have a strong reaction (not a dish that I necessarily think exists somewhere) where amongst friends I could predict having a reaction. Even if a repressed reaction.

                                                                                                    Where I sympathize with the situation, is that were that item ordered and say I had a reaction (either a facial expression or if someone asked me if I'd like to split the dish as a starter - the tone in which I might say no) - I could see a friend going "what are you thinking - no tell me". And a casual, "that dish has a few ingredients in it I don't care for" - could turn into a more elaborate story about why I find those items unappealing. And particularly if some people are laughing and providing an "encouraging" environment to continue...perhaps going a bit too far.

                                                                                                    In terms of general manners for general company, I am 100% in the agreement of 'yucking someone's yum' being bad form. And even amongst friends, it's not behavior I see as a regular concern. It's more I could see a situation amongst friends spiral to where I might become a Roz.

                                                                                                    1. re: cresyd

                                                                                                      Man I am so with you on the olives. I don't know how many friends have tried to take me to olive bars because I clearly haven't tried the "good ones" for me to react as I do. I've had the surprise tapenade spread in a sandwich before... I can not swallow the bite in my mouth. My gag reflex takes off and the best I can hope for is a tasteful slipping of the food into my napkin before the gagging starts.

                                                                                                      1. re: Firegoat

                                                                                                        I've lived in the Middle East, I like capers and really assertive olive oil - but I don't like olives....I dunno.

                                                                                                        Maybe I'm just horribly rude - or others on CH are super polite - but around my friends/family, I think the foods that folks hate often can become part of jokes/playful ribbing. My immediately family in particular can spend a long time joking about various people's different food hates and related stories.

                                                                                                        Now I get that's different from going after someone at the exact moment they've ordered something "yucky". But I can see how slightly misjudging a situation could take something from "everyone's laughing together" to when someone doesn't enjoy the joke.

                                                                                                4. I only do it if a person i am having a meal with is picking a bad restaurant.

                                                                                                  1. The original post made me chuckle. I believe it is extremely poor manners to speak ill of the food one's companion is currently eating, Yet I have two friends, whose company I otherwise enjoy, who not only commit this crime, but have a curiously annoying manner of ganging up on the victim, telling him or her how bad the food is that he or she is trying to enjoy. Among my social circle, we use a portmanteau of their names as a verb to describe this unwelcome behavior.
                                                                                                    However, I obviously do not consider it such an offensive act as to sever a friendship over it. I would not invite these two friends to an evening centered around a special dining experience, either.

                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                    1. re: Idyllwild

                                                                                                      Right! That is what I would think too. "Jim" and especially "Roz" will not be invited out with me for finer dining.

                                                                                                    2. I had a similar "discussion" with my sister recently. We were out for dinner with other family, the soup of the day was a chicken concoction I hadn't heard of before, so naturally I ordered it.

                                                                                                      She: "You know, that's how they use up the leftovers".
                                                                                                      Me: "Good- that's what soups are for. And at least it shows the kitchen can do something besides open cans".

                                                                                                      It wasn't exactly what I was expecting (I thought it would be a clear soup rather than a cream one) but it wasn't bad, and I just may have added a new soup to my repertoire.

                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                      1. re: tardigrade

                                                                                                        I think this is the perfect response - lightens it with humor, and also gets across you don't care what the other person thinks of your choice since they can make their own as you did.

                                                                                                      2. I so agree with the "don't yuck my yum'' manners. Just shut up if you don't like what I ordered, I didn't order it for you.
                                                                                                        Years back I had a big argument with my mom when I was visiting with her. I like my coffee strong with lots of half and half. She did the usual mom sneer and said 'I don't know how you can drink it like that'. Cue very angry me, saying 'I don't see how it makes any difference to you how I drink my coffee. I don't comment on your black coffee with sweet n low so why would you put me down?'
                                                                                                        It's also irritating if you go to a steak house and order chicken, it's as if you're a complete idiot when you hear the comments 'but we're in a steak house'.

                                                                                                        6 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: smartie

                                                                                                          It seems as though coffee is a polarizing drink, such that people feel free to comment and judge how one takes one's coffee.

                                                                                                          1. re: monavano

                                                                                                            I've had people comment on my decaf cappuccino, early in the morning, over and over again.
                                                                                                            None of their business, for sure, but when it gets to the point they won't let up I just respond with the FACT that decaf has lowered my blood pressure to a very healthy, normal range from my previous 6 shots of espresso a day.
                                                                                                            That usually shuts them up.

                                                                                                            1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                              Ugh, us decafs are not worthy, apparently.
                                                                                                              It's still coffee, not cat piss, for Pete's sake!

                                                                                                              1. re: monavano

                                                                                                                getting a bit OT, but I truly believe the flavor and smell of decaf can have the same effect for one who used to drink the full-on caffeinated. similarly I can just think about hot peppers and my scalp will start sweating with no capsaicin (sp?) in my system.

                                                                                                          2. re: smartie

                                                                                                            "It's also irritating if you go to a steak house and order chicken, it's as if you're a complete idiot when you hear the comments 'but we're in a steak house."

                                                                                                            I agree in principle but it does seem logical to order something that is the specialty of the house.

                                                                                                            Also I question why my husband would order spaghetti in a Greek diner. Order it if you want, but don't complain to me that it is subpar while I'm enjoying my excellent Spanakopita.

                                                                                                          3. I believe people should be allowed to express their opinions, but not insistently and repeatedly.

                                                                                                            For example, if someone wants to crack a durian next to me, I should be able to say that shit stinks. If someone wants to eat a waterbug, I should be able to say that looks nasty. Someone wants to order Starbucks, I should be able to say that's a waste of money.

                                                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                                                            1. re: Worldwide Diner

                                                                                                              Just like they have the right to tell you to 'eff' off right?

                                                                                                              1. Along with "don't yuck my yum", can we also add that I don't need to hear an amateur nutritionist tell me about the fat, calories, cholesterol, GMOs, gluten, soy, processed ingredients, mercury, saturated fats, frozen ingredients, dairy, bug parts, animal cruelty, carbs, or ANYTHING else about my meal.

                                                                                                                If asked, one might say "I'm not really a fan of clam sauce, but this tuna is excellent." Why just offer up negative unsolicited opinions?

                                                                                                                17 Replies
                                                                                                                1. re: NonnieMuss

                                                                                                                  "... an amateur nutritionist tell me..."

                                                                                                                  Yes. and its the "professional" ones you also gotta watch out for....

                                                                                                                  1. re: Gastronomos

                                                                                                                    By "amateur" I mean self-taught via Snopes-worthy websites and articles. Like "I read this one article one time by someone I've never heard of, so I'm never eating this particular food again because it's made from the souls of baby pandas."

                                                                                                                    1. re: NonnieMuss


                                                                                                                      99% or greater are "Snopes-worthy websites and articles"

                                                                                                                      but, YMMV

                                                                                                                        1. re: ricepad

                                                                                                                          I only eat organic local baby panda souls.

                                                                                                                        2. re: NonnieMuss

                                                                                                                          pfff - souls of baby pandas need to brine overnight in the tears of consumptive orphans.

                                                                                                                          1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                            Are those orphans cared for in a home staffed by union represented labor?

                                                                                                                            1. re: jpc8015

                                                                                                                              Grass-fed, too. The orphans, baby pandas, and union labor.

                                                                                                                              1. re: ricepad

                                                                                                                                Non-GMO, Organic, Kosher, Gluten-free, low-carb, fat-free, caffeine free, no HFCS, Pure Grass, from carefully sourced virgin pastures gently irrigated blade by blade with the pee of angels.........

                                                                                                                      1. Basically he told Roz that it pissed him off. She should respect that and move on. There is nothing to be mad about. People make such dramas out of nothing.

                                                                                                                        1. We lived in Israel. We went out once a week with the kids for lunch to give the Ms. a break. (My style- cheap and good.) She decides that she isn't going to eat meat, just fsh. But the same damn sea bream, cooked the same way, week after week? Local and farmed. Minor exception for the occaisional piece of salmon, Norwegian and farmed, a fish that you can get anywhere in the world.
                                                                                                                          Of all the fish in the sea, and very fresh, the same sea bream! Would you be able to restrain yourself?

                                                                                                                          5 Replies
                                                                                                                          1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                            some women, but certainly not all, in any way, just those that I know, personally, that are "stay at home moms/homemakers/whatever the new PC term is these days" don't give a rats ass what they order or eat when they "go out" to eat with the family. They are most often just happy they do not have to cook or clean that day.
                                                                                                                            AND, that is only my own personal experience, from my own little part of the world and in no way may and/or may not reflect any one elses experience, views or observations in any way.

                                                                                                                            1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                              "We lived in Israel."

                                                                                                                              You must have been the only person named Vinnie there.

                                                                                                                              1. re: Tripeler

                                                                                                                                On the contrary. We left because there were so many Italians there that they displaced us. So if in Rome, go visit Trajan's Arch, honouring the Italian presence.
                                                                                                                                Adherents from a smorgasbord of religions live in Israel bearing their often distinctive names. They live in as much harmony with adherents of each other faith as Jews do among themselves. For eg. go to Haifa and visit the Italian Hospital.

                                                                                                                                In any event, Vinnie isn't my original name. I changed my name. Before, it was "mangiakike"

                                                                                                                                1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                  IIRC "mangiakike fantasticoa" was the working title of a Food Network animated series.

                                                                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                    Vinnie, Thanks for the response.
                                                                                                                                    All of this is just a bit surprising to me. Mangiakike, as it would be pronounced, sounds like it could be a title to a Japanese Anime series. Still, "Vinnie Vidimangi" is a really great-sounding name for which you can be rightfully proud.

                                                                                                                            2. Life is too short to eat with people like this. There are folks like "Roz" in my circle of friends, and a few in-laws. I never know when they are going to go bonkers over something I am ordering and enjoying, but I ignore the in-laws, and just recently told a friend "if you don't like it don't order it". It IS rude to tell someone "don't order THAT!" or, my favorite jibe ... "Is that all you're having?" My personal beef (so to speak) is with the self-righteous vegans and vegetarians who whine "there's nothing here I can eat" and feel the need to deliver a lecture at every meal.

                                                                                                                              11 Replies
                                                                                                                              1. re: Cheflambo

                                                                                                                                If by "people like this " you mean the Ms, it was different B.M. (Before Marriage). If you mean me, I agree and it may get even shorter. She threatens to bring my insurance policy to an early fruition if I don't shut up. It's a big problem, because she often eats different things at mealtime than what she cooks for the rest of us.

                                                                                                                                1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                  Try to be patient with your wife. When women get older and they have had a couple of kids, their metabolism and digestion are likely to change. She is probably just trying to eat food that agrees with her and keeps her weight in check.

                                                                                                                                  1. re: pamf

                                                                                                                                    you're joking right? It's pretty stereotypical to assume that a woman who's had kids is worried about her weight.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: roostermom

                                                                                                                                      Just speaking from my own experience. It's just one of many things that effect changes in your body as you move through life.

                                                                                                                                      Not just weight, but overall digestion and feeling healthful and energetic. We each have to find our own way. If her family prefers other food that doesn't agree with her than why shouldn't she provide them with what they like while eating food that makes her feel good.

                                                                                                                                      Bless you if you have not had to deal with it.

                                                                                                                                      1. re: pamf

                                                                                                                                        I've had 3 kids, very close together, and although my body has changed, I wouldn't be happy to think that people assumed that I ate a certain way because I wanted/needed to lose weight. I would rather that they a) ask, or b) MYOB, or c) not make assumptions, instead of saying, 'oh she must be eating X because she wants to lose the baby weight', or, 'she's avoiding Y because she just turned 40 and her metabolism is slowing down'.

                                                                                                                                        1. re: roostermom

                                                                                                                                          Whoa, I'm not talking about "people" my initial post was to a husband who seemed to be confused or frustrated by his wife's eating habits. I was hoping to give a little insight. Maybe I didn't do a good job of communicating that.

                                                                                                                                          I would rather that people didn't notice or comment on my eating habits either. But the reality is that they do. If you are casual friends then, I agree MYOB. But close family who eat together every day should be able to discuss this sort of thing.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: pamf

                                                                                                                                            It's not children but rather marriage itself. Courtship, she was great. Ate everything. With marriage she became dyspeptic. and diet changed.

                                                                                                                                            1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                              perhaps a visit to a medical professional might be in order.

                                                                                                                                              1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                I think we're not supposed to offer medical advice but given the change maybe individual or couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea - there's no shame in any of that, sometimes it's just good to have a thoroughly neutral ear to unload on.

                                                                                                                                                1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                  Suggesting someone seek medical advice is in itself medical advice? And is somehow more or less objectionable than seeking advice from a mental health professional?

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                    I don't make the rules, but it has been grounds for deletion by the mods. granted I wasn't saying xxx mgs of yyyy need to be taken or anything but still it would be irresponsible of me.

                                                                                                                              2. We have enough guilt and shame to deal with as it is in our society about food. NO ONE should ever say anything negative about someone's food choices period. What each person puts into his or her body is his or her business and no one else's. Friend, lover, acquaintance or partner: it doesn't matter who it is coming from.

                                                                                                                                9 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: delleelise

                                                                                                                                  (a) The Ms is a superb cook with a light, woman's hand. Her father would cover the plate with a coating of salt without looking at what he was doing and without tasting the food first.
                                                                                                                                  (b) The Ms makes a superb onion tart that I love . However it gives me so much gas for two or three days that I would be nationalized in some countries.
                                                                                                                                  (c) The Ms had a vegetarian come to a dinner party. She went especially down to the fish farm and bought for him a beautiful sea bream that must have been harvested that day or the day before. She overcooked it because she knew that this is how he liked it. He still objected. It went back in, was tested a couple of times and came out finally dry and fibrous.
                                                                                                                                  (d) Morbid obesity is a national problem in places such as Tonga and Samoa. and I do mean morbid. Lamb flap, (which is imported from New Zealand ) is a favourite . At the bottom of the rib cage; fat with a thin layer of meat. Tonga has forbidden its import.
                                                                                                                                  What would you do?

                                                                                                                                  1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                    Hot damn. I want to try that lamb flap now!

                                                                                                                                    1. re: pdxgastro

                                                                                                                                      It is good, but I had it with most of the fat rendered out just to try it. I don't permit myself more.

                                                                                                                                      1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                        Well ok but I'd save the rendered fat and use it for roasted potatoes etc. Amiright?

                                                                                                                                          1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                            Lamb flap is now a more expensive cut than shoulder! Price has gone up four fold. (sorry, but not really)

                                                                                                                                              1. re: pdxgastro

                                                                                                                                                Yes . Chicken wings and flank steak used to be almost garbage.
                                                                                                                                                In many countries I understand that, from the chicken, dark meat is more expensive than breast.

                                                                                                                                                1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi

                                                                                                                                                  i'm finding that very common now in Toronto. Boneless skinless thighs are more expensive than the breasts, and for good reason!

                                                                                                                                2. When I was married, most of the years I cooked a meal for my late husband, and a meal for me. His was meat and starch and a token vegetable. mine was usually something quite different with the vegetables mainly. Because why fight it, or fight? I wanted him to have what he wanted to eat, and saw no reason to eat that way myself.

                                                                                                                                  But - after some single years I've been trying to date a bit, and have been a little taken aback. Just too used to having unfettered foodie ways about me now. I recently had dinner with a quite charming man (unfortunately he turned out to be a little too married, oops) who asked if I wanted to have the beef tartare as an appetizer. So obviously I said sure, but got it wrong because he was making an incredulous joke. Damn, that tartare sounded pretty good, and looked great on the table next to mine while I was eating the spinach artichoke dip. Next time I go to that restaurant, it won't be on a date with somebody who won't eat tartare.

                                                                                                                                  1. I think it would be pretty rude to comment on what another guest orders. If it were a very good friend, maybe a little light ribbing, or if they ordered something obscure I'd never heard of or tried I'd be interested in trying to get a bite of it. I work with two vegetarians and we all manage to not get too grossed out over each other's food choices.

                                                                                                                                    1. It is as fair as being critical if you and some friends decide to go out for lunch and someone suggests Applebee's.

                                                                                                                                      Of course, it is always fair game to heckle vegans for their food choices.

                                                                                                                                      1. It is extraordinarily rude to comment on someone else's food choice like that, period. I don't care if you are good friends or not, keep it to yourself.

                                                                                                                                        The last time I had to endure commentary on my choice of entree like the OP describes, I ended up telling a truly disgusting story involving things that should not be discussed while people are eating. As far as I was concerned, served them right.

                                                                                                                                        2 Replies
                                                                                                                                        1. re: mwk

                                                                                                                                          "Jim" tried this with "Roz" but "Roz" told him he was being disgusting. But "Jim" said it did not seem off base since "Roz" was being "open" with her thoughts too.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: SamuelAt

                                                                                                                                            I guess at that point, a simple STFU would be called for :)

                                                                                                                                        2. Among friends I think it's ok to speak candidly about anything ( though not everywhere). They are friends after all. But when it goes too far, gets too loud, or someone isn't comfortable with the conversation/situation it should stop. "Enough", " we are done with this conversation", " STFU", etc.

                                                                                                                                          I would have said, " I'm bored. But thank you for reminding my why I don't want kids."

                                                                                                                                          1. Get used to it. We are now a social media crazed society where everything someone does is posted on twitter, instagram, pinterest, facebook, yelp etc. Some people are self entitled, special little snowflakes and all of their opinions need to be telegraphed somehow. If they can't hold back from texting to social media sites on their phone then nothing prevents them from making verbal comments about what others eat.

                                                                                                                                            My mom used to say if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything. I think today it would be if you don't have anything nice to say then add a hash tag and tweet.