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Let's get silly...imaginary mock meats no one wants- GO!



Tofu sLIVER and onions

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    1. re: Science Chick

      'cept that's a real thing - and it's soooo god. I meant good, but I'll mark that as a 'stet'

      not v/v but no reason why you couldn't sub in extrafirm tofu or tempeh.


      1. re: hill food

        Hmmm....I wouldn't consider that a "faux meat" thing, since it uses chicken liver instead of goose liver. Just subbing in tofu or tempeh would not result in anything reasonably tasty at all (Just a big ball of butter and tofu!). You need to have ALOT of umami to achieve that. I actually have a great vegan pate recipe that tastes similar to chopped liver, using a combination of lentils, walnuts, miso and umeboshi plum paste to get you there:


        But as the OP said...just being silly here with faux meat products no one would like!

        1. re: Science Chick

          I've definitely had good vegetarian liverwurst in the Netherlands and Germany. Of course, it isn't "low fat".

          And various versions of mock chicken liver have existed for a long time.

          I'd think some of the umami could derive from nutritional yeast.

          And science chick, that pâté looks great.

      2. re: Science Chick

        Love it! I'll steal that idea and add

        Rocky Mountain Fauxsters/no-calf fries

          1. re: Ttrockwood

            That's actually kind of tempting. I've always been curious about the kelp caviar too...


        1. Quail shaped tofurkey

          Beet burgers that bleed when you cut them

          3 Replies
          1. re: Ttrockwood

            Quail tofurkey- with birdshot. More fun shooting it than eating it.

            1. re: Ttrockwood

              They make just that beet burger at a restaurant here in Albuquerque, Ttrockwood. Doesn't taste bad, but does bleed quite a bit.

              1. re: ninrn

                Mmmm...I actually want one with herb goat cheese. Just maybe not extra "rare" and I definitely won't wear white.

            2. TongueFu. C'mon, y'all were thinkin' it.

                1. Eye of round potato.

                  Mock of mock turtle.

                  English riding saddle of rarebit. (rabbit)

                  Gene Krupa drumsticks. With a latin beet.

                  1 Reply
                  1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                    Too funny! Allthough rarebit is actually veg (lacto)! :)

                    1. re: Kris in Beijing

                      Perfect and delightful! I'm surprised this one didn't come up earlier.

                    2. Not imaginary---really happened. About `15 years ago we went to a downtown sandwich shop with a name something like Heartwise or Heartfelt that advertised no-meat sandwiches that were good for your heart. We enjoyed some wonderful fake barbecued beef that was unbelievable, made with vegetable protein. So of course I ran right out and bought a box of vegetable protein to try and make this wonder. I followed the instructions precisely and worked very carefully and when I was done I had a product exactly the consistency of dog shit. If I had put it on the kitchen floor I would have slid in it and had it stick to my shoe. Don't know what went wrong. Never tried it again. But it definitely was a mock meat that nobody wanted.

                      1 Reply
                      1. re: Querencia

                        Heh. I wonder if the dog would still eat it. I can identify- I've had some pretty grody experiences with TVP. Soggy sawdust comes to mind.

                      2. Black-eyed pea-ork, for pulled pea-ork w/ slaw on a potato roll.

                        1. I can't think of a funny name for it, but fake sweet breads sounds awful.

                          To-feet (like chicken feet)

                          3 Replies
                          1. re: Onymous

                            Sweetbreads - How about "VeGlands"?