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Mar 15, 2014 05:48 PM

I plead temporary insanity, but I still want to sue......

I once started a thread titled "Unintentional Consequences of belonging to Chow". In which thread I explained I've eaten more Mc' Donald's simply from reading reviews of different items on the Chains board.

Well I've had another Chow inspired mistake this evening and I think someone should pay! There have been a few discussions on my local (NJ) board about crab cakes, specifically NJ vs. Maryland and so forth. Those threads have me subconsciously thinking about and silently desiring some of those Jersey Shore delicacies.

The wife and I were walking through our local BJ's wholesale club where I had picked up a couple of nice prime strip steaks to throw on the grill. As my wife must meander in and out of every Isle, as if there isn't one large direct lane out, I obediently follow behind. As we were walking down a frozen good section, and I assure you I am NOT a frozen food kind of guy, my eyes caught a glimpse of something that looked delicious. Momma Belles Maryland Crabcakes! No, could it be a sign from the Crabcake Gods that perhaps instead of just steak tonight should be surf and turf! They looked so good on the box cover, we've been talking about it on NJ, it must be meant to be! I grab the box and ran like the fat kid in a candy store to my wife's cart and placed them in.

I followed the directions to a "T", I baked them in the oven, no microwaving these babies, and I coated them with melted butter to give them the anticipated golden crisp finish as the box showed.

Well you can see for yourself how they turned out! Why.....oh why?!?!?! Why Chow have you betrayed me again! I want to sue! I have suffered damages! I think you, yes YOU, should pay me for making me suffer this cruel and extreme punishment!!!!

Seriously how are food companies allowed to so falsely represent their products? It's friggin ridiculous how bad these crab cakes were. My wife enjoyed a good snicker or two at my utter disgust in this product.

How about you? What are some of your biggest product dissapointments?

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  1. Phillips Maryland Style crab cakes have been around more than 50 years and counting. Nice reputation. They now use Asian crab meat, and are very clever about not revealing the source on the packaging. They suck, and that's why I still have two more packages in my freezer.

    4 Replies
    1. re: Veggo

      I was shivering as I started to read your reply, I remember going to a Philips seafood buffet on a trip one time. It was horrible, I have no idea what the draw is to that brand.

      1. re: jrvedivici

        I went to a Phillips buffet in SW DC. Highlights included a vat of butter next to a vat of tom yam soup. Lowlights were much of the same...

        1. re: jrvedivici

          It was at one time one of the best seafood restaurants in Ocean City, Md. This is going back 40 years or so, before they expanded the brand to include other locations. Comparing the resto now to what it was is like comparing the TGIF chain to the original on the UES in the 60s (not that the original TGIF was a temple of cuisine but in the sense that the current incarnation is a pale imitation of the original.)

        2. re: Veggo

          I actually bought and cooked them last night (for the first time) and was so disappointed. I had some shell bits in them and the flavor was really off.

        3. I'm curious what the ingredient list looks like.

          8 Replies
          1. re: c oliver

            Here ya go C, who is better than Jr?

            1. re: jrvedivici

              Nobody, buddy :)

              At least the first ingredient is crab :(

              1. re: c oliver

                The direction said for frozen 20 mins @ 400, coat with melted butter for crisper finish, which I did. After 20 mins I didn't like the looks of them so I flipped the oven to convection for 5 minutes to try and brown them. After all that you see the results, really pissed me off. Lol

                1. re: jrvedivici

                  They are much more manageable if you allow them to thaw in the fridge overnight, or on a counter for 4 hours, and then pan fry them with butter. I usually make a chipotle tartar sauce and serve on toasted English muffin halves. Adequate, but not a memory maker so I wait for the buy one get one free deals.

                  1. re: jrvedivici

                    20 minutes from frozen? -- no way, josé -- that ain't gonna get you to much more than "slightly warm and not frozen."

                    i agree with veggo -- thaw them in fridge, then pan fry those babies.

                    1. re: alkapal

                      If there are any remaining, I'd either throw them out or give them to someone with a cat.

                      1. re: alkapal

                        Here ya go.....

                        As I said I did 20 mins regular bake and the last 5 on convection hoping that would brown them, to no avail!

                  2. re: jrvedivici

                    Well that doesn't look scary but the cakes do. I would at least try and salvaging the box by trying them pan seared and finished in an oven heated to the boxes heat specifications only shaving off some time. They also look like they need a panko coating. I hate to put that much effort into a frozen item but it is crab. I hate to see it go to waste.

                2. first, it is obvious they need to be baked longer.
                  second, they need to be fried, imho, to get that nice golden crust you see on the package.

                  just my two cents worth.

                  i never expect frozen crabcakes to be much. They usually are a lot of filler.

                  1. I'm sure that they suck even if done perfectly...but these don't look cooked.

                    I'd finish these fellows on the stovetop in a pan with some butter.

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: sal_acid

                      They do look pretty pale to me too

                    2. When I had Directv I used to watch a show with Mark Summers called Unwrapped that goes into food production venues and shows how things are produced for a mass market. Ingredients are cooked, mixed and literally blown through huge tubes, hoses and Gad knows what.That show caused me to stop buying *pre fabricated* foods.