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Please suggest a wedding gift

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HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:05 PM

I'm shopping for a nice wedding gift for a family member. I've looked at some of the cookware sets at Williams Sonoma---nothing is jumping out at me so far.

The couple is just starting out--in their early 20's.

I'm open to suggestions for the perfect gift!

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  1. s
    sharebear RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:13 PM

    How much are you looking to spend? Do they cook / bake? If so, do they spend a lot of time cooking, and already have a lot of kitchen basics? Do they like to entertain? What kind of food do they like to cook?

    Off the top of my head:

    Basics for cooks / bakers:
    - a nice set of kitchen knives
    - KitchenAid stand mixer
    - stainless steel skillets / pans (All-Clad)
    - food processor
    - Le Creuset dutch oven / other cookware

    For more advanced cooks:
    - sous vide circulator
    - smoker
    - ice cream machine
    - meat grinder

    For non-cooks:
    - dinnerware/ flatware / serveware for entertaining
    - vases
    - decanters

    8 Replies
    1. re: sharebear
      t
      trillen RE: sharebear Apr 1, 2014 12:37 PM

      I think these are all great suggestions. It really depends on the couple and their situation/preferences though. I have a Sous Vide Supreme and love it, but admittedly it is a bit unconventional, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend a sous vide circulator as a gift unless you know the couple is really into the whole modernist cuisine movement (even if they are advanced cooks). A safer, though more boring gift might be a crock pot.

      Another suggestion might be a pressure cooker like the Fagor Duo (recommended by America's Test Kitchen). Saves alot of time, very versatile, and is easy on the utilities bill - which is great for any couple, newly married or not.

      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000...

      1. re: trillen
        c oliver RE: trillen Apr 1, 2014 12:46 PM

        Ah, but see, if I were given a PC, I'd take it back as I have no interest in it. I understand they can be wonderful but just don't turn me on. Registry!

        1. re: c oliver
          t
          trillen RE: c oliver Apr 1, 2014 12:56 PM

          Agreed. It really depends on the couple and what they're interested in.

          Just thought of another suggestion - a high-end coffee or espresso maker. For my wife's bridal shower, one of the gifts she received was a Nespresso machine, which she absolutely loves. I'm not a coffee/espresso drinker at all, but she says it's the closest thing to what we had in Europe on our honeymoon. It's also very convenient - load the capsule, press one button, and you have espresso in under a minute. We also have the foamer to make the milk froth. She got the CitiZ model (same as shown in the link but in silver).

          http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009...

          1. re: trillen
            c oliver RE: trillen Apr 1, 2014 01:30 PM

            And that was on the registry? What they're interested in is found there.

            1. re: c oliver
              h
              Hobbert RE: c oliver Apr 1, 2014 02:04 PM

              Or you could just do what my uncle did- the nitwit gave us a bottle of hard liquor. My husband hasn't touched alcohol for over 10 years and I have a mixed drink maybe once a year. He got all bent out of shape when I gave it to my brother.

              Please buy a gift from the registry or write a check!!

              1. re: Hobbert
                c oliver RE: Hobbert Apr 1, 2014 02:09 PM

                Oh lord, yes :( I understand that people think buying from the registry is boring or shows no imagination but honestly our kids anyway put a lot of thought and effort into figuring out what they were missing and wanted. And it really is a PITA to go all over town (or the internet) returning things you don't want.

                1. re: c oliver
                  LaLa RE: c oliver Apr 9, 2014 08:06 PM

                  I'm not sure...you are for a registry, right?

                  1. re: LaLa
                    c oliver RE: LaLa Apr 10, 2014 04:21 AM

                    Definitely. 100%.

    2. p
      pedalfaster RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:21 PM

      You mention you looked at WS. Is the couple registered there?

      If so, the gifts they registered for should give you some big hints.

      1. ccbweb RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:22 PM

        A basic set, like All Clad with a skillet (10 inch or 12), a 2 quart pot with a lid and a 6 quart pot with a lid would be a great start. Then you can add on from there. A 3 or 4 quart pot would be good. A 1 quart pot would also be good. A non-stick skillet would be a nice addition. A roasting pan. Basically, just depending on how much you want to spend. Also, taking into account how much kitchen space they've got and such.

        Personally, I prefer the stainless steel line because it's pretty much indestructible and I like how it looks and you can, if you wish, put it in the dishwasher.

        1. s
          Sherri RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:28 PM

          Do you want a traditional wedding gift or something more suited to the couple's interests?

          Is this couple registered anywhere? Can you ask them what they would like?

          Approx how much do you want to spend?

          1. h
            Hobbert RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 03:31 PM

            I'd write a check.

            1 Reply
            1. re: Hobbert
              jrvedivici RE: Hobbert Mar 20, 2014 09:33 AM

              Exactly!! Money talks..........I don't know how many food processors we were giving between her shower and our wedding. Show me the money, I'll decide what I want!!

            2. kaleokahu RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 13, 2014 06:43 PM

              Hi, HTB:

              I'm no fan of the chain cookware retailers, but my first choice would be a gift certificate to a place like Bed, Bath & Beyond.

              If I *had* to buy and deliver something, it would be a dozen good-to-great, all-purpose-size, traditionally-shaped wine stems in their own storage box.

              I HATE gift registries. e20s know virtually noting about what will please them even a few years later. Wahine just bought such a couple what they wanted on their registry--a cheap electric waffle iron. I'd rather have a warm bucket of spit...

              Aloha,
              Kaleo

              14 Replies
              1. re: kaleokahu
                c oliver RE: kaleokahu Mar 16, 2014 11:12 AM

                That's making a really big assumption, k. Both our daughters had been cooking for years in their early 20s. In addition, the waffle iron is something THEY wanted, not something YOU wanted them to have. People use registries for a reason. I respect that. Our younger daughter and her now husband registered at WS, Crate and Barrel and BBB. Covered all the bases and prices ranges that way.

                1. re: c oliver
                  kaleokahu RE: c oliver Mar 16, 2014 03:31 PM

                  It's not an assumption, it's a generalization. It obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but IME it's been the rule, not the exception.

                  The silver lining in modern consumerism and the planned obsolescence that drives it is that few e20s will ever know the difference.

                  I just lament that the couple in question is getting a schlocky waffle iron--exactly what they want.

                  1. re: c oliver
                    pikawicca RE: c oliver Mar 19, 2014 04:31 PM

                    A little more than slightly of-topic, but I just purchased a new baby gift, "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day." The parents don't even know that such a tome exists, but it was the best baby gift we ever received. Sometimes young ones starting out might not know what they will find most valuable. If I have a pot, casserole, whatever that has served me as a kitchen workhorse for 30 years, I'm going to be inclined to gift that, rather than some item from BBB. Part of it, I guess, is that I get a lot of pleasure shopping for things I think my friends/loved ones would like. I do not like buying from a list, but that's just me:)

                    1. re: pikawicca
                      c oliver RE: pikawicca Mar 19, 2014 04:51 PM

                      I love being creative but I try to rein that in on things like wedding and babies. And that's just me :) I liked it that Amanda and Steven registered with three stores that have such different things and price ranges. I loved it some few years ago when our niece and now husband registered...and included power tools from Home Depot. They had an old home in Atlanta that they were redoing. We gave power tools!!!

                      1. re: c oliver
                        girloftheworld RE: c oliver Mar 19, 2014 07:10 PM

                        I overheard this today: two young teachers talking " Just register for a lot of stuff. People are more likely to buy off you list than give you cash. You can just return the shit you dont want"

                        1. re: girloftheworld
                          c oliver RE: girloftheworld Mar 19, 2014 07:20 PM

                          Ugh. I think/hope that's more likely for people who DON'T buy off registries. Hopefully the couples are actually asking for things they really do want. And since I'm originally from the South, cash (or gift cards) IMO are tacky. But I admit I'm a 67 y.o. dinaosaur :)

                          1. re: girloftheworld
                            kaleokahu RE: girloftheworld Mar 19, 2014 07:34 PM

                            Hi, girloftheworld:

                            A little inadvertent candor, the best kind. Administer sodium thiopental to all the about-to- and newly-married, and this would be more the rule than the exception. IMHO, of course.

                            This Saturday Wahine is attending a bridal shower for a young woman who is the daughter of a coworker. Other than that (strained) relationship, she has no connection *whatsoever* with the bride (or anyone who will be there, FTM). She cannot politely refuse to attend, and cannot attend without bearing a gift. I'm sure we'll get an announcement when her firstborn graduates from Montessori potty training, too, expecting another gift. Being my ever-helpful self, I suggested giving a bran muffin...

                            Aloha,
                            Kaleo

                            1. re: kaleokahu
                              girloftheworld RE: kaleokahu Mar 20, 2014 03:41 PM

                              My MerMer (grand mother) called these Oh SHit I am Old Showers.... she would get invited to Daughters of co workers and grandaughters of friends and neighbors that she barely knew from pictures on the peoples desks and refridgerators..."The Joy of Cooking" and hot mit was her go to

                              1. re: kaleokahu
                                a
                                alwayshungrygal RE: kaleokahu Mar 21, 2014 02:16 PM

                                I wonder if the coworker knows that (according to Miss Manners, and any other etiquette expert) you should not be invited to the bridal shower, if you are not on the actual wedding guest list. So, I think you can "expect" that Wahine will be invited to the wedding too. Again, unless the coworker is clueless about proper etiquette.

                                1. re: alwayshungrygal
                                  kaleokahu RE: alwayshungrygal Mar 21, 2014 03:27 PM

                                  Oh, Wahine's on THAT list, too. This girl and her mom have cast a very wide net. I think there are 10-12 other lady co-workers of the mom's who are expected to be at both. Go figure...

                                  Baby shower's next...

                              2. re: girloftheworld
                                a
                                autumm RE: girloftheworld Mar 20, 2014 07:44 PM

                                I will admit I registered for sheets and thanks to a Marshal Fields registry mix up I wound up with 5 identical sets of queen sized bed sheets. Plus 3 other queen sheet sets which I"m assuming people saw the size on our registry and bought on their own. It worked out quite nicely to turn 5 sets of sheets (we registered for 2) into a 10 piece Calphalon set. Still have an unopened set of sheets in the closet almost 10 years later.

                                1. re: autumm
                                  c oliver RE: autumm Mar 20, 2014 07:48 PM

                                  Nowadays when you buy through registry, it will reduce what's "wanted."

                                  1. re: autumm
                                    f
                                    foiegras RE: autumm Apr 1, 2014 04:10 PM

                                    My sister had that issue too--3 or 4 sets of crystal S&P shakers, one of which was from me. I still remember the thank you note--"I will always consider these to be from you." LOL

                                    I think she may have kept some of the extra for entertaining.

                                    The registry was supposed to show what had been bought, but clearly didn't work as designed, for whatever reason.

                                    I once went off-registration for a baby shower. I knew the decorating theme was Noah's Ark, and I bought one from a crafts show. Everyone else had dutifully bought diaper pails and such, and I felt a bit bad for them when my gift was the favorite.

                                    1. re: foiegras
                                      kaleokahu RE: foiegras Apr 1, 2014 06:00 PM

                                      Hi, foigras: "I once went off-registration for a baby shower... when my gift was the favorite."

                                      Bingo.

                                      Aloha,
                                      Kaleo

                        2. tcamp RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 14, 2014 07:39 AM

                          Do they live near a Sur La Table? If so, gift cert for a couples cooking class (date night, they're called) and if you want, extra for purchase of an indispensable cooking tool of their choice.

                          1. d
                            debbypo RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 14, 2014 07:53 PM

                            I think I'd get a 5 or 7 quart round d.o. from LC or Staub. Last a lifetime. They'll think of you fondly whenever they use it and, from my experience, that's likely to be often.

                            1. girloftheworld RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 14, 2014 08:05 PM

                              My Aunt loves this Allclad metal measure cup that can go on the stove. It is enamel. My mom got it for her when she got married twenty years ago and mom couldnt aford much...and at the time it seemed really odd... but my mom wrapped it filled with heart cookies... anyway... My aunt says she uses that cup more than any of her other pots...

                              point..sometimes it is not the most expensive thing that ends up beong the most "perfect"

                              1. c
                                chocolate RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 15, 2014 05:04 PM

                                A Vitamix would be the perfect gift!

                                My friend and I have decided this is what were going to give together when our friends children get married from now on, thats how much we love ours.
                                I bought mine at WS (totally unplanned) but there are so many more models and price points to choose from if you check the Vitamix site then what WS carries. Also, when they hv Roadshows at Whole Foods, Costco etc, they also offer great deals as well as QVC.

                                My other suggestion would be a Le Creuset Cast Iron Dutch Oven as Sharebear mentioned as well.

                                2 Replies
                                1. re: chocolate
                                  c oliver RE: chocolate Mar 16, 2014 11:14 AM

                                  Not trying to yuck your yum but I'd hate it if you gave me a Vitamix. I'd have no use for it and would return it. I just feel strongly that if people are registering that we give them something from it.

                                  1. re: c oliver
                                    j
                                    julesrules RE: c oliver Mar 17, 2014 06:21 AM

                                    Agreed... a lot of these gifts are very cook-oriented. Do these young people need or want high-end cooking equipment, specialized cookbooks, and the like? If so, great. If unsure, take a look at their circumstances and habits. If they are still in school or starting new jobs, they might not do a lot of cooking at home for many years. And/or might be moving around a lot, as mentioned below.
                                    Better yet.... look at the registry (even if you don't buy off it, it gives you some context). Or, ask them.

                                2. s
                                  sydthekyd RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 03:43 PM

                                  A nice big wooden salad bowl with servers.

                                  7 Replies
                                  1. re: sydthekyd
                                    firecooked RE: sydthekyd Mar 18, 2014 08:28 AM

                                    In the process of moving... one of the things that is going is the wooden salad bowl set (one large and six small bowls). They were a wedding gift, and haven't been used in 30+ years. I would recommend a handmade ceramic salad bowl and plates... something that can go into the dishwasher.

                                    1. re: firecooked
                                      c oliver RE: firecooked Mar 18, 2014 08:41 AM

                                      I once bought a big wood salad bowl at Costco. After years and years, I finally donated it. I like to serve salad in a wider, shallower bowl (think pasta bowl). Again, that's where personal preference comes in.

                                      1. re: c oliver
                                        b
                                        Bellachefa RE: c oliver Mar 18, 2014 09:02 AM

                                        As with all things in life, all wooden bowls are not created equal. Some are massmarketed crap, others are hand worked pieces of culinary art.

                                        1. re: c oliver
                                          monavano RE: c oliver Apr 14, 2014 09:04 AM

                                          I think we bought the same bowl. Did it come with a tripod-like stand?

                                          1. re: monavano
                                            c oliver RE: monavano Apr 14, 2014 09:13 AM

                                            YES!!!

                                            1. re: c oliver
                                              monavano RE: c oliver Apr 14, 2014 09:14 AM

                                              Mine had the same fate!

                                              1. re: monavano
                                                c oliver RE: monavano Apr 14, 2014 09:22 AM

                                                At least I bought it for myself and then didn't use it. Instead of cursing the person who bought it rather than the one I actually wanted :)

                                    2. David11238 RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 03:59 PM

                                      Kitchen Aid Pro Burr Grinder or a Breville XL Toaster Oven. I have both. Both are rock solid in their delivery. I do have a problem with my Breville's display LED, however, it doesn't hamper the cooking performance in the slightest.

                                      1. i
                                        INDIANRIVERFL RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 04:48 PM

                                        Candlesticks.

                                        They always look nice on the table, and you have a choice of china, crystal, or sterling.

                                        You could probably write a movie scene about the quest for a fine wedding gift.

                                        1 Reply
                                        1. re: INDIANRIVERFL
                                          w
                                          wonderwoman RE: INDIANRIVERFL Apr 11, 2014 06:08 PM

                                          well, there is that scene in "bull durham," with the players on the mound discussing, among other things, what to get a couple for the wedding and the manager suggests candlesticks.

                                        2. m
                                          mfb237 RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 05:00 PM

                                          I like to get mis-matched serving pieces from local antique stores. ie.Mother of Pearl handed sterling olive spoons, or sterling meat forks, spreaders etc. They can be very affordable and you can choose pieces to suit the couple. I like smaller pieces so they can be used at cocktail parties as well as dinners. I've been doing this for decades (oh dear...I'm old) and I still get thanks 30+ years later from friends who say they use them all the time and think of us whenever they do

                                          1 Reply
                                          1. re: mfb237
                                            f
                                            foiegras RE: mfb237 Apr 1, 2014 04:15 PM

                                            Everyone seems to be missing tongs. I've bought them at an antiques shop for myself & others.

                                          2. a
                                            autumm RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 07:50 PM

                                            I gave a good friend a huge variety of rubbermaid storage containers (from Target) because they had virtually no storage in their condo, so everything else wound up in the garage. I put a 12 pack of their favorite beer in one of them. They loved it, and used them to pack up all the other gifts to head back home.

                                            1. b
                                              Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 08:00 PM

                                              Over 20 years later I still love my wedding gift of a white corning ware set. It's neutral and works well for holidays when lots of sides are in order. It stands up style wise without competing with my more artisinal bowls and platters for family gatherings. If you want to spend more, add a dozen different wood and stainless utensils

                                              4 Replies
                                              1. re: Bellachefa
                                                m
                                                Madrid RE: Bellachefa Apr 13, 2014 03:38 PM

                                                it's all a matter of taste. I hate white corning ware and white in general. I love pottery in vibrant colors and interesting shapes and textures. I received over a dozen of white corning ware pieces and returned all of them. That said, I am coveting the white sauceboat from the classic designs at Crate and Barrel, but it's because of the shape, and I'm so opposed to matchy that I set the table with different colored napkins.

                                                Going with the registry is the best bet unless you really know the couple and their tastes well enough to choose something you know they'd like that that may have not seen or known abut

                                                A friend once said to me, you can never go wrong with giving a white tablecloth. I said, I'd return it immediately.

                                                1. re: Madrid
                                                  c oliver RE: Madrid Apr 13, 2014 10:25 PM

                                                  I don't believe I have EVER used a table cloth. I have some family ones that I need to donate. I only use placemats when serving children. And, like you, am SO not matchy-matchy but do like some coherence.

                                                  1. re: Madrid
                                                    h
                                                    Hobbert RE: Madrid Apr 14, 2014 03:52 AM

                                                    I'm just the opposite. All my serving ware is white but from different brands. I think it looks nice- cohesive but not too perfect. And I've never owned or used a table cloth and probably never will. It's the sort of thing no one could really guess.

                                                    1. re: Madrid
                                                      b
                                                      Bellachefa RE: Madrid Apr 14, 2014 06:35 PM

                                                      I can see that! now show us that sauceboat!

                                                  2. t
                                                    texanfrench RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 09:26 PM

                                                    One of my mom's friends gave me a sturdy little saucepan (about a quart and a half in size) from what was then a very good brand. That, plus a cast iron skillet from my mom and a couple of Corningware casseroles and two decent knives from cousins and friends was the core of the kitchen equipment that got me through the first year of marriage long ago. We truly didn't want a lot because we knew we'd have to be moving around for awhile. Probably a whole set of anything is not needed, but one piece of something that is top quality is nice. Pick something you find very useful/necessary in your kitchen, and send a note sharing your experience.

                                                    1. j
                                                      JJC RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 16, 2014 09:51 PM

                                                      Penzeys wedding gift crate of spices

                                                      1. beetlebug RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 17, 2014 06:12 AM

                                                        I like including a cookbook with whatever kitchen thing I'm giving. And, I usually make notes in the cookbook to give it that personal touch. C has two cousins who got married recently and I'm probably going to give each a copy of All About Braising and a 4.5 Le Creueset. The hard thing is that the two cousins are brothers so everything has to be equal.

                                                        Recently, a good friend of mine got married. She likes chinese food but doesn't really cook it at home. So, I bought a copy of Dunlop's Land of Plenty and marked it all up with my changes and notes. With that, I bought a wok and seasoned it for her. Lastly, I bought all the condiments that she would need to be able to cook a meal (soy sauce, hot peppers, black vinegar, sichuan pepper, etc. etc.). It was the ugliest "wrapping" job since I just threw everything into shopping bags, but I'm not a wrapper anyway.

                                                        2 Replies
                                                        1. re: beetlebug
                                                          h
                                                          happybaker RE: beetlebug Apr 10, 2014 05:46 PM

                                                          A pre-seasoned wok? A cookbook with notes? All the condiments? What a fantastic gift!!!!!

                                                          ONly possible as you knew her so well and that it wold fit but yow. How thoughtful.

                                                          1. re: beetlebug
                                                            pikawicca RE: beetlebug Apr 11, 2014 06:11 PM

                                                            What a fantastic gift!

                                                          2. f
                                                            foxspirit RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 17, 2014 12:24 PM

                                                            Tupperware type glass containers.

                                                            Like so: http://www.containerstore.com/shop/ki...

                                                            When I was younger it was the most useful thing I received. When you're young the temptation (if you're into cooking) is to cook a bunch then end up throwing it into the freezer because you realize you have plans to go out the next 3 nights or (if you're not into cooking or just feeling lazy) to get extra take out and store left overs for the next meal. The cheapie plastic ones all discolor or wear out quickly in some way that makes you worry about strange chemicals. The glass ones, esp the ones that are oven & microwave safe, are still with me. I know its something I would've never thought to buy because they are pricey and it seems crazy to spend on storage ware but these days I still love and use em.

                                                            1. LaLa RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 17, 2014 03:48 PM

                                                              Th best food related gift I received for my wedding was a custom framed recipe in my great grandmothers handwriting.

                                                              2 Replies
                                                              1. re: LaLa
                                                                h
                                                                Hobbert RE: LaLa Mar 17, 2014 04:37 PM

                                                                That's absolutely wonderful! I would cherish that forever.

                                                                1. re: Hobbert
                                                                  LaLa RE: Hobbert Mar 19, 2014 04:20 PM

                                                                  11 houses later ...it has hung in every kitchen!

                                                              2. g
                                                                gourmoo RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 17, 2014 05:18 PM

                                                                I got married a year ago and we had nothing to start with (still working with basic cooking ware but it's okay!). I'd suggest pots/pans or a cooking class like another poster mentioned!

                                                                62 Replies
                                                                1. re: gourmoo
                                                                  c oliver RE: gourmoo Mar 17, 2014 06:22 PM

                                                                  Did you register anywhere? Did you get everything on your registry(s) Were there gifts where you wondered "why didn't they buy from the registry?" I truly don't understand why everyone wouldn't buy from there.

                                                                  1. re: c oliver
                                                                    KarenDW RE: c oliver Mar 17, 2014 06:30 PM

                                                                    +1 Or, I ask the couple whether or not there is something in my area of expertise that they would like.

                                                                    1. re: c oliver
                                                                      kaleokahu RE: c oliver Mar 17, 2014 06:32 PM

                                                                      Hi, c oliver: " I truly don't understand why everyone wouldn't buy from [the registry]."

                                                                      Well, I saw her today at the reception
                                                                      A glass of wine in her hand
                                                                      I knew she'd go meet her connection
                                                                      At her feet was her footloose man

                                                                      No, you can't always get what you want
                                                                      aaaahhwaw... [x3]
                                                                      But if you try sometime, you just might find
                                                                      You get what you need

                                                                      Aloha,
                                                                      Kaleo

                                                                      1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                        c oliver RE: kaleokahu Mar 17, 2014 06:39 PM

                                                                        Don't give up your day job, k :)

                                                                        1. re: c oliver
                                                                          kaleokahu RE: c oliver Mar 17, 2014 06:55 PM

                                                                          You're not impressed with double platinum and it being a B-side, I take it...

                                                                          1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                            c oliver RE: kaleokahu Mar 17, 2014 06:57 PM

                                                                            Chortle :)

                                                                            But, honestly, we have two daughters who married five and eight years ago. They put some effort into registries so that people who wanted to give something would have some guidance. The two "girls" themselves are QUITE different so what each wanted was quite different.

                                                                            1. re: c oliver
                                                                              kaleokahu RE: c oliver Mar 17, 2014 09:39 PM

                                                                              Hi, c oliver:

                                                                              Yeah, well, perhaps apropos, FYI, the A-side was "Honkey Tonk Women".

                                                                              With all due respect, an e20 little darlin' spending time expressing what they *want* at the moment doesn't especially float my boat of donative intent. In my world, if the couple (read: the bride) wishes for a Bitchin' Kitchen-style cornucopia of schlock, Uncle Kaleo's munificence will be lost upon them.

                                                                              I had a dear friend and client, an order gent, who years ago made me and Wahine a wedding present of a high-quality pewter platter. I HATED it for probably 15 years, but luckily never discarded it. I appreciate it--and the foresight behind it--now. Had I been gifted the Octodog (or Salad Shooter, Le Creuset, etc.) I *wanted* at the time, I would not be so blessed today.

                                                                              Seriously, the Stones aside, why *should* the Happy Couple get exactly what they want?

                                                                              Aloha,
                                                                              Kaleo

                                                                              1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                h
                                                                                Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Mar 18, 2014 05:06 AM

                                                                                Oof. I hope I never get a gift that takes me 15 years to finally appreciate.

                                                                                1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                  d
                                                                                  DGresh RE: kaleokahu Mar 18, 2014 05:47 AM

                                                                                  after 24 years of marriage, I *still* don't appreciate the "crab platter" I got which still sits at the bottom of our china cabinet.

                                                                                  http://www.lafuente.com/images/enlarg...

                                                                                  1. re: DGresh
                                                                                    c oliver RE: DGresh Mar 18, 2014 07:26 AM

                                                                                    LOL! That's a perfect example of the giver's taste not matching the recipient's :)

                                                                                    1. re: DGresh
                                                                                      kaleokahu RE: DGresh Mar 18, 2014 08:15 AM

                                                                                      I'll take it. kaleokahu@gmail.com

                                                                                      1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                        d
                                                                                        DGresh RE: kaleokahu Mar 18, 2014 08:24 AM

                                                                                        nah, we keep it as a reminder that "hey, we really *did* have a wedding, didn't we?" ;)

                                                                                        1. re: DGresh
                                                                                          kaleokahu RE: DGresh Mar 18, 2014 09:00 AM

                                                                                          So you *do* appreciate it, hmmm?

                                                                                      2. re: DGresh
                                                                                        girloftheworld RE: DGresh Mar 18, 2014 03:25 PM

                                                                                        my mom and I hunt goodwill for bargins... and there is one particular one that we go to that we call "the divorce will" because it always has soooooo many things that you can tell people got as wedding gifts and have hung on to til they are in the middle of a divorce and now moving out of the house and dumping ...cake cutters. mattching gobblets, candle sticks, fondue pots, (I got an allclad aspergus cooker there for 4.00) icecream makers, woks etc.....

                                                                                      3. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                        c oliver RE: kaleokahu Mar 18, 2014 07:30 AM

                                                                                        I honestly like the small trend of couples asking for donations to a charity but I doubt that's going to take hold. And while the registry does hold a little ick factor for me, if I'm going to give a gift I'd rather give what I know they can actually use. And nowadays it's couples not 'just' brides.

                                                                                        1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                          j
                                                                                          julesrules RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 10:46 AM

                                                                                          Hmm I guess there's hope for that Waterford bowl we got. I mean, I love it because I know the giver wanted to give me the best. And I've kept it, and have even used it on occasion. But 10 years in it still is not my taste nor does it go with any of my other stuff.
                                                                                          Meanwhile, I've used my stand mixer, cuisinart and mini chopper 100s of times to make all kinds of good things to nourish family and friends, sell at the school bake sell, etc.
                                                                                          I know some people really want to give a more a personal, thought out gift than the registry. But unless (maybe even *if*) they know the couple very well they are just as likely to miss as hit. If you must, consider buying something off the registry and then pairing it with something personal. A favourite that stands out for me is amazing reclining camping chairs from our registry, accompanied by a 6-pack of beer. And it didn't matter that it wasn't craft beer!

                                                                                          1. re: julesrules
                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: julesrules Apr 10, 2014 11:13 AM

                                                                                            Hi Jules: "... it still is not my taste nor does it go with any of my other stuff."

                                                                                            Ten years in, I was the same way. A wealthy friend of my parents have me a beautiful (and extensive) set of Waterford stem- and barware. They may have sat unused for 15 years for all I know, but I moved with them several times.

                                                                                            Turns out, they're now used all the time. I think of this old gentleman and his generosity (and his foresight) every time I touch one. If he had picked something off my registry, not only wouldn't I remember, but it's doubtful I'd still have it.

                                                                                            Likewise the heirloom wooden bowl I got. Scarred, a little warped, wouldn't fit in my first house's cupboards or my aesthetic. Total zonker at the time. Now, it'd be one of the last things I'd part with. That and those Waterford rolly-polies (Irish blown and cut, not the newer cast ones from Poland).

                                                                                            Instant gratification of the newly wed isn't all it's cracked up to be, and elevating their taste is underrated.

                                                                                            Aloha,
                                                                                            Kaleo

                                                                                            1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                              j
                                                                                              julesrules RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 11:23 AM

                                                                                              Obviously it's up to the giver what effect & intent they want to have with their gift. "You'll appreciate this when you're older" is not a particular goal of mine.
                                                                                              All that I suggest is that people consider *why* they think they can do better than the registry, or would rather ask internet strangers what to get their close friends & relatives than go directly to the source. Superiority? True concern for the long-term life of the item? Utility?
                                                                                              A wedding is about nothing if not respecting the adult choices of the couple involved, whether that be choice of partner or choice of household items ;)

                                                                                              1. re: julesrules
                                                                                                kaleokahu RE: julesrules Apr 10, 2014 12:08 PM

                                                                                                Hi, Jules:

                                                                                                Yes, good of you to recognize that gifts, being gifts, are up to the giver.

                                                                                                Somehow we have gotten to the point where, if the getter doesn't get exactly what they want at the moment, it's an uncaring or selfish giver's sin. That's not the way donative intent works, and it *certainly* doesn't square with the history of bestowing wedding presents. I believe wedding registries are a 20th Century sales innovation by Marshall Field & Co.

                                                                                                I have never given a wedding or shower gift with the attitude of "You'll appreciate this when you're older". I give quality gifts I think the getter will use and appreciate.

                                                                                                As for involving "internet strangers" with such gift decisions, I think asking here on CH shows the askers' care and concern for getting it right. From where I stand, default buying from a registry might as well be utterly anonymous.

                                                                                                Aloha,
                                                                                                Kaleo

                                                                                                1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                  c oliver RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 12:14 PM

                                                                                                  " default buying from a registry might as well be utterly anonymous."

                                                                                                  What could be less "anonymous" than giving people what they'd like?

                                                                                                  1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                    kaleokahu RE: c oliver Apr 10, 2014 12:35 PM

                                                                                                    Um, something of surprising delight and significance?

                                                                                                    I can visualize the thankyou note of the honest bride/groom: "Thank you for the beautiful #23 on our list! How thoughtful of you to get us a 23, which we fell in LOVE with by reading Bride Magazine. How did you know we'd like it SO much better than the #31? (We put that on the registry at Crapco just 'cuz we knew we could return it) We'll treasure that #23, we think, at least until we're 25. Thanks!"

                                                                                                    1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                      c oliver RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 12:41 PM

                                                                                                      It's clear that the people you know are quite different than the ones I know.

                                                                                                      1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                        kaleokahu RE: c oliver Apr 10, 2014 01:06 PM

                                                                                                        I said "honest".

                                                                                                        The notion that a recipient gets to specify all their gifts is really a perverse one, and not just because of the sense of entitlement and expectation it engenders. And not merely because it can glorify un-knowing (and its Champion, du jour ad-driven consumerist fashion).

                                                                                                        I find it most perverse because it really takes the donor out of the equation, save as financier. The hour or more spent thinking about and looking for the perfect gift? Nope, you'll pick from our list and now the store needs your credit card number. That set of leather potholders from Montepulciano, or the little lamp made from their first bottle of good Champagne? Nah, just Google up BB&B. If BB&B/Macy's/W-S doesn't carry it, it isn't worth having, is it?

                                                                                                        This is the stultifying, flavorless, leveling, Everyman effect of monetizing the custom of wedding gifts. I am but the slave delivering the execrable waffle iron.

                                                                                                        Aloha,
                                                                                                        Kaleo

                                                                                                      2. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                        h
                                                                                                        Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 01:03 PM

                                                                                                        Or maybe this-

                                                                                                        Thank you so much for the beautiful platter from Williams-Sonoma. We'd seen it many times and always admired but just didn't think we could quite afford it. Thank you so much for buying us something we'll really treasure. We'll think of you fondly every time we use it.

                                                                                                        1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                          kaleokahu RE: Hobbert Apr 10, 2014 03:39 PM

                                                                                                          Hi, Hobbert:

                                                                                                          Yes, that would be a nice thankyou (and probably a nice gift), regardless of the platter's presence on a registry.

                                                                                                          Aloha,
                                                                                                          Kaleo

                                                                                                          1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                            h
                                                                                                            Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 03:47 PM

                                                                                                            We'll agree to disagree :)

                                                                                                            1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                              kaleokahu RE: Hobbert Apr 10, 2014 04:42 PM

                                                                                                              We disagree that the platter would be a nice gift, or that the thankyou is nice?

                                                                                                              Or does it cease to be a nice gift if it is off-registry?

                                                                                                              1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                h
                                                                                                                Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 05:38 PM

                                                                                                                We disagree because of your insistence on giving people things they won't appreciate for years on end and refusal to accept that a registry is a helpful way to buy people items they actually want. Sure, I've bought people some ridiculous things that *I* don't want but I imagine they've done the same for me. Just because I value an item doesn't mean I should force it on others.

                                                                                                                1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                  kaleokahu RE: Hobbert Apr 11, 2014 09:02 AM

                                                                                                                  Hi, Hobbert:

                                                                                                                  Where on earth did you get the idea that I insist on giving unappreciated gifts? Implicit in this, your (incorrect) view is that a registry contains all the gift items which the couple would find pleasing.

                                                                                                                  I think registries *can* be useful for general ideas, themes or patterns.

                                                                                                                  The notion that one "forces" a gift on another is very odd, and the image is hilarious.

                                                                                                                  Aloha,
                                                                                                                  Kaleo

                                                                                                                  1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: kaleokahu Apr 11, 2014 11:44 AM

                                                                                                                    Actually, IME, registries include the lusted for items as well as the wanted, needed items. So I'd suggest that not buying from the registry, if there are things still available, is at best uncaring.

                                                                                                                    1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                      kaleokahu RE: c oliver Apr 11, 2014 01:17 PM

                                                                                                                      Oh, I'd suggest that always buying from the registry is weak, lame and unimaginative.

                                                                                                                      1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                        monavano RE: kaleokahu Apr 13, 2014 03:40 PM

                                                                                                                        That's really harsh.
                                                                                                                        The couple took the time to register and probably put a lot of thought.
                                                                                                                        The gift is for the recipient, not the giver, even if you *think* you know better, you are saying that they can't figure out what they want and/or need, and that you know better.

                                                                                                                        It's treating them like children, and that's an insult.

                                                                                                                        I cook a whole lot and have some mad kitchen skills, but buying the couple a gift is not about me.

                                                                                                                        1. re: monavano
                                                                                                                          kaleokahu RE: monavano Apr 13, 2014 07:59 PM

                                                                                                                          Hi, monavano:

                                                                                                                          LOL. Harsher than being called uncaring for giving off-registry? Shirley, you jest. And I did say "always".

                                                                                                                          Of course a gift is for the recipient; in fact that's a workable definition of the term, if not a complete tautology. What a gift is *not* is a dictate by the expectant recipient or a judgment by anyone. It's the giver's to give, and the getter's to like or not, use or not, value or not.

                                                                                                                          At the risk of being called harsh again, I consider most young couples to BE children--in the sense of setting up and maintaining a household. If the issue is something like color preference, great, I'll try to find something which will fit with their taste. But if I see they want a Bitchin' Kitchen apple peeler, and I already know: (a) it's a POS; and (b) there's a great apple peeler they have no idea even exists, guess which one I'm gonna buy them?

                                                                                                                          If you think for an instant that the above example is about *me*, you're wrong.

                                                                                                                          Aloha,
                                                                                                                          Kaleo

                                                                                                                        2. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                          h
                                                                                                                          happybaker RE: kaleokahu Apr 13, 2014 07:16 PM

                                                                                                                          Kaleokahu -

                                                                                                                          I love so many of your posts - but I have to disagree with this one.

                                                                                                                          I married at 30, already was a great cook and baker (trained by my parents) and didn't want to register for much (it seemed too grabby) but my mom pushed me to register for nice everyday and formal flatware. (Both Dansk. And to be fair, we registered at discounters, to make it easier for all : )

                                                                                                                          We now have at least 8 full place settings of both, and they give me so much joy, daily.

                                                                                                                          I did not want to impose, my mom reassured me, they had given gifts to all their friends kids to help, now their friends would want to help back. As with many things - she was right.

                                                                                                                          It's been more years than I want to admit and still STILL! - she's right. Having art, in my life daily, is fabulous. Having it happen with love? Even better!

                                                                                                                          We did have many gifts off -register that were great. And to this day, if folks haven't registered or nothing seems right, I have my go to gifts (crock pot, really good kitchen towels, good spices or, multiple sets of tongs and pyrex measuring cups.

                                                                                                                          But overall, when given a wedding invite, I always look at the registry first.

                                                                                                                          1. re: happybaker
                                                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: happybaker Apr 13, 2014 08:11 PM

                                                                                                                            Hi, happybaker:

                                                                                                                            I like it when people disagree with me, so no problem.

                                                                                                                            I believe that registries (or something like them) are perfectly fine for things like tablewares, for the simple reason that they allow different people to help the couple amass enough of a certain pattern of some things.

                                                                                                                            It is really refreshing to hear that you thought registering would be some kind of imposition on your guests' generosity. IME, you are in the minority.

                                                                                                                            Aloha,
                                                                                                                            Kaleo

                                                                                                                        3. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                          pikawicca RE: c oliver Apr 11, 2014 06:22 PM

                                                                                                                          Dear Catherine, I hate to disagree with you, but I really, really do. If you do not know the recipients well, buying from a registry could be fine, but I remember trailing along with my mother as a kid when she shopped for wedding gifts for relatives/close friends. She agonized over every choice, weighing what she knew about the recipient's tastes. Mom was a great cook and entertainer, and I think that she frequently had a better sense of what the giftees would end up using and liking more than they did.

                                                                                                                          In any event, a gift is a gift, not a demand or request. I have several "white elephants" from my own wedding many years ago that I've never used, but that enjoy display space in my home because they reflect the care and love that the givers took in selecting them.

                                                                                                                          1. re: pikawicca
                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: pikawicca Apr 12, 2014 11:20 PM

                                                                                                                            Hi Cindy. I think if one wants to go off registry, then don't give cooking items. I went off registry only once and that was for my niece who is also my goddaughter. I gave her a lovely, Tiffany vase. I knew her taste. I don't "display" cookware. I honestly don't care for the whole registry thing (wedding or baby) but it does simplify an occasion for everyone. The giver can give something that would be appreciated and the receiver isn't running all over town returning things they really don't care for.

                                                                                                                            I don't bake so that's a HUGE category that would go right back to the store(s). Oh, and I didn't bake 40 years ago and I still don't.

                                                                                                                        4. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                          h
                                                                                                                          Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Apr 11, 2014 12:13 PM

                                                                                                                          Up thread, when you stated that "With all due respect, an e20 little darlin' spending time expressing what they *want* at the moment doesn't especially float my boat of donative intent." I took that to mean you aren't too worried about what the guests of honor may actually want. If I was mistaken, could you clarify? It seemed clear to me.

                                                                                                                          1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: Hobbert Apr 11, 2014 12:41 PM

                                                                                                                            Hi, Hobbert:

                                                                                                                            Forgive me if my pithy expression confused you.

                                                                                                                            I meant that I don't feel constrained to give exactly that which is invited, even if the betrothed have spent time listing the specific gifts they expect to get. Without getting into issues and meta-issues of who cares more about what or whom, it's *my* money, *my* thoughtfulness (you might say lack thereof), and--until it's actually *given*--it's mine to give, change, withhold, etc.

                                                                                                                            It's my view that when the giftee dictates to the giftor what the gift will be, it's not exactly a gift. It's more a exercise in solipsism.

                                                                                                                            Aloha,
                                                                                                                            Kaleo

                                                                                                                            1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                              h
                                                                                                                              Hobbert RE: kaleokahu Apr 11, 2014 01:02 PM

                                                                                                                              It sounds like I understood you. Regardless, I don't think we're going to agree so let's call it a day. Enjoy your weekend! I've got plans for a Zuni chicken and some roasted asparagus- can't wait :)

                                                                                                          2. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                            MrsPatmore RE: kaleokahu Apr 13, 2014 01:57 PM

                                                                                                            <<I believe wedding registries are a 20th Century sales innovation by Marshall Field & Co.>>

                                                                                                            Amen to that . . . and as a frequent recipient of "invitations" to attend the showers/weddings/birthdays/b-mitzvahs etc of people that I don't know all that well, it seems like these occasions have devolved into gift grabs. Just recently, I received a "save the date" email with a link to numerous gift registries, including Amazon, where the happy couple (who I've never even met) registered for gift cards ($0.15 to $2,000.00)

                                                                                                            1. re: MrsPatmore
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                                                                                                              foiegras RE: MrsPatmore Apr 13, 2014 05:44 PM

                                                                                                              Wow. Although it's awfully nice of them to include an option for someone who has only a dime (and a nickel) to spare.

                                                                                                              A member of my own family had (for a second wedding) both a normal registry and a honeymoon registry where you could spring for dinner, massages, golf, etc. It was called Honeypot ... or something. Some people may have loved that option--I did not. I got white everyday dishes from the sparsely-populated normal registry.

                                                                                                              1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                monavano RE: foiegras Apr 13, 2014 05:47 PM

                                                                                                                Honeymoon registry?
                                                                                                                Good grief!

                                                                                                                1. re: monavano
                                                                                                                  b
                                                                                                                  Bellachefa RE: monavano Apr 14, 2014 11:44 AM

                                                                                                                  next up a baby moon registry

                                                                                                                  1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                    monavano RE: Bellachefa Apr 14, 2014 11:49 AM

                                                                                                                    Yes, what we really need to buy for Mom is a cake made of diapers that cost 10x more than a couple bags at the supermarket!

                                                                                                                    1. re: Bellachefa
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                                                                                                                      foiegras RE: Bellachefa Apr 14, 2014 03:58 PM

                                                                                                                      We'll know it's bad when people start registering for IVF.

                                                                                                                      1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                        h
                                                                                                                        Hobbert RE: foiegras Apr 15, 2014 04:39 AM

                                                                                                                        Oh that's a thing! I've gotten Facebook requests to donate to an IVF fund. No, thanks...

                                                                                                                        1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                          f
                                                                                                                          foiegras RE: Hobbert Apr 15, 2014 04:19 PM

                                                                                                                          Have mercy.

                                                                                                                          1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                            monavano RE: foiegras Apr 15, 2014 05:17 PM

                                                                                                                            Believe it. People want you to gofundme.com everything these days, including children.

                                                                                                                  2. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                    MrsPatmore RE: foiegras Apr 13, 2014 06:00 PM

                                                                                                                    Oh that's another pet peeve! 2nd and 3rd weddings, baby shower for 4th kid of a co-worker's stepchild, high school graduation "announcements" (not an invitation, just an announcement) and so on.

                                                                                                                    I think that the tradition of gift-giving at weddings, in particular, originated long ago when most newlyweds were genuinely needy (e.g, they were young, just starting a new household together, etc). Nowadays, in my experience anyway, I'm getting invites to weddings (with registries) from couples that have been living together for years, own their own home, are financially well-off, all student loans paid off and this maybe is the 2nd or 3rd marriage for either or both of them. And the registry lists a $775 carry-on bag as a requested item? Or twelve crystal champagne flutes at $125/each? $395 silver picture frame? Um, sorry, but no, I'm not buying you something from your registry.

                                                                                                                    1. re: MrsPatmore
                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: MrsPatmore Apr 13, 2014 10:29 PM

                                                                                                                      I've never gotten an invitation from anyone I didn't know well. If I ever do, I'll simply decline. And showers for second marriages or second babies is gauche beyond comprehension.

                                                                                                                      1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                        girloftheworld RE: c oliver Apr 14, 2014 03:20 PM

                                                                                                                        mom had a second shower... but i think it was against her will...my stepdad had never been married.. and when mom left bio dad she just took me and my sister and drove off she never got any of our "stuff" back so we were still living with plastic cups and goodwill dishes...one of her friends said they needed to start their marriage out with "couple" things. ..They had a couples shower...they didnt register or anything... guys brought things like tools... and women brought house things...

                                                                                                                        1. re: girloftheworld
                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: girloftheworld Apr 14, 2014 11:56 PM

                                                                                                                          I think that's a totally different situation and one that is deserving of "showering with gifts" and I'm glad it was coed. The females only ones, IMO, are just plain stupid. Helloooo, it IS the 21st century :)

                                                                                                                        2. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                          foodieX2 RE: c oliver Apr 14, 2014 03:29 PM

                                                                                                                          I agree. My niece was just had a shower for her second child. She is divorced from the dad of her first (6 yo boy) and now pregnant. This is her partners first child as well as the first grandchild on his side. The grandmother to be would not hear anything about not having a second baby shower. It actually ended being really nice especially since she did need a new car seat, high chair, etc.

                                                                                                                          1. re: foodieX2
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                                                                                                                            foiegras RE: foodieX2 Apr 14, 2014 03:58 PM

                                                                                                                            The only registry that really struck me as excessive was the one for Elizabeth Taylor's 8th wedding.

                                                                                                                            1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                              girloftheworld RE: foiegras Apr 14, 2014 05:24 PM

                                                                                                                              and the one for when she re married richard burtton

                                                                                                                            2. re: foodieX2
                                                                                                                              c oliver RE: foodieX2 Apr 14, 2014 11:57 PM

                                                                                                                              In my antiquated world, family members aren't supposed to give showers but that's a topic for a non-CH world :)

                                                                                                                          2. re: MrsPatmore
                                                                                                                            h
                                                                                                                            Hobbert RE: MrsPatmore Apr 14, 2014 03:56 AM

                                                                                                                            That's exactly why we didn't have one! My husband had been married previously, we'd lived together for a couple years, owned 2 houses, and were 29 and 31. I thought it would look tacky to register for stuff...besides, we already had it!

                                                                                                                            1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                              c oliver RE: Hobbert Apr 14, 2014 05:49 AM

                                                                                                                              Plus one! We described it as "marrying two very mature households."

                                                                                                                  3. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                    f
                                                                                                                    foiegras RE: kaleokahu Apr 10, 2014 12:32 PM

                                                                                                                    I've had a similar experience with my own taste developing ... it is certainly not what it was in my 20s. I still have and use things I acquired at that time, and it's not that I hate them now, but they're no longer what I would choose. It took awhile for my taste as it is now to develop. I also think that one's home, if it has character, helps set the standard of appropriateness for acquisitions, and of course, few 20-somethings have one yet.

                                                                                                                    I really appreciate the family items I have, even if they don't rise to the term 'heirloom.' For me, that would be a lovely gift.

                                                                                                                  4. re: julesrules
                                                                                                                    girloftheworld RE: julesrules Apr 13, 2014 03:27 PM

                                                                                                                    maybe you should put 100.00 dollars in an envlope with a note saying "open on your fifth wedding anniversry when you have more taste"

                                                                                                        2. re: c oliver
                                                                                                          foodieX2 RE: c oliver Mar 18, 2014 08:29 AM

                                                                                                          I use the registry for weddings of folks I don't know very well. I am at age now that I am getting invited to the wedding of friends children. Some of the kids I am close to but other I rarely see except for the occasional holiday party.

                                                                                                          For the kids that I do know well I try to get something more personal that I know they will appreciate. There is a woman in town that decorates and frames wedding invitations. They are really beautiful! I will often include one as part of my gift.

                                                                                                      3. Ruthie789 RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 19, 2014 06:03 PM

                                                                                                        I like the idea of a good set of knives, or a knife depending on the budget. Some Emile Henri serving dishes would be lovely.

                                                                                                        23 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: Ruthie789
                                                                                                          c oliver RE: Ruthie789 Mar 19, 2014 06:17 PM

                                                                                                          I personally don't have or would give a "set" of knives. I also feel that knives should be actually handled by the user before buying. How it fits one's hand. And, of course, you have to include (at least) a penny when 'giving' a knife :)

                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                            Ruthie789 RE: c oliver Mar 20, 2014 04:58 PM

                                                                                                            Yes agree about the penny.

                                                                                                            1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                              s
                                                                                                              sydthekyd RE: c oliver Mar 21, 2014 10:31 AM

                                                                                                              Penny why?

                                                                                                              1. re: sydthekyd
                                                                                                                c oliver RE: sydthekyd Mar 21, 2014 10:46 AM

                                                                                                                Luck!

                                                                                                                http://thebridesguide.marthastewartwe...

                                                                                                                1. re: sydthekyd
                                                                                                                  kaleokahu RE: sydthekyd Mar 21, 2014 11:01 AM

                                                                                                                  Hi, Syd:

                                                                                                                  Frequently wrong, but never unsure.

                                                                                                                  It's superstition. From The Bride's Guide (among innumerable other sources):

                                                                                                                  "Apparently it's bad luck to be given something that can sever. The blade, it's thought, will sever the friendship. It's especially bad luck for a wedding gift, where the fear is that the sharp edge will sever the marriage vows."

                                                                                                                  http://thebridesguide.marthastewartwe...

                                                                                                                  The penny is said to be a way around this, either: (a) as evidence that money is changing hands, and therefore there's no gift and nothing to sever; or (b) the penny symbolically blunts the knife, keeping it from severing the relationship.

                                                                                                                  Aloha,
                                                                                                                  Kaleo

                                                                                                                  1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                    daislander RE: kaleokahu Mar 21, 2014 11:07 AM

                                                                                                                    Interesting. I gave my sil a tomato knife as part of her wedding gift and they are now divorced! ekk. on the other hand I gave a whole knife set to friends as a housewarming and they are still married.

                                                                                                                    I am on the hunt for a wedding gift right now. I was thinking of knives again! I am going to get a peek in there kitchen before deciding. Im personally addicted to buying serving bowls.

                                                                                                                  2. re: sydthekyd
                                                                                                                    Ruthie789 RE: sydthekyd Mar 21, 2014 03:52 PM

                                                                                                                    According to my Irish mother, giving something sharp without a penny invokes fighting. The penny also brings luck and also should be included if you give someone a wallet.

                                                                                                                2. re: Ruthie789
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                                                                                                                  Bellachefa RE: Ruthie789 Mar 21, 2014 11:15 AM

                                                                                                                  Never knives! Let's not even get into the electric can opener!!

                                                                                                                  1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                    justbeingpolite RE: Bellachefa Apr 10, 2014 11:15 AM

                                                                                                                    OTOH,
                                                                                                                    a nice chef's knife has been my go to gift for several years now. Personally I like to give a nice 8" Shun Classic Chef's Knife, but I've gone to Myabi on occaision as well. I always include a penny, and so far (knocking on my head) no divorces, except my own, and no one gave me a knife! I've gotten only good feedback on how much a nice quality knife enhances their kitchen time together. It's suprising how many people have never had a good knife, so a Shun is usually a reasonable start.

                                                                                                                    1. re: justbeingpolite
                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: justbeingpolite Apr 10, 2014 12:16 PM

                                                                                                                      So you know that they don't already have the chef's knife of their choice I assume.

                                                                                                                      1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                        justbeingpolite RE: c oliver Apr 10, 2014 12:38 PM

                                                                                                                        I guess I've found that most of my acquaintances are not CHers and don't have a nice chef's knife. Or if they do, might appreciate a new high quality one.
                                                                                                                        That said, I usually try to purchase at a store they have access to like a SLT, and include a gift receipt.

                                                                                                                        As with any gift (except off a registry, I suppose), there's always that risk.

                                                                                                                        1. re: justbeingpolite
                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: justbeingpolite Apr 10, 2014 12:44 PM

                                                                                                                          So why not buy from the registry? As I've said, our daughters COULD NOT be more different in their tastes. So going with their registries gave them what they'd like to have without causing them to go all over returning things.

                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                            justbeingpolite RE: c oliver Apr 10, 2014 01:06 PM

                                                                                                                            If I didn't think they needed it, didn't have it, and would love it... I probably would.
                                                                                                                            Someone upstream described those close enough to go "off registry", probably a good rule: if you're close enough to know something they'd appreciate : get it.

                                                                                                                            1. re: justbeingpolite
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                                                                                                                              Hobbert RE: justbeingpolite Apr 10, 2014 01:32 PM

                                                                                                                              I totally agree. The list of people I go off registry (sounds so adventurous!) for is limited to my sister, brothers, and best friend. Everybody else, especially those I don't really have a tight personal relationship with, like coworkers or cousins, the registry is a god send. No registry? Ya get a check!

                                                                                                                              1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                                justbeingpolite RE: Hobbert Apr 10, 2014 01:42 PM

                                                                                                                                I might include some cousins, too, but we're a close family! :o)

                                                                                                                                1. re: justbeingpolite
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                                                                                                                                  Hobbert RE: justbeingpolite Apr 10, 2014 01:43 PM

                                                                                                                                  That's just my list...I hope other people's are longer :)

                                                                                                                              2. re: justbeingpolite
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                                                                                                                                pedalfaster RE: justbeingpolite Apr 10, 2014 03:59 PM

                                                                                                                                If you are close enough to the couple to go "off registry" you are probably not asking advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet.

                                                                                                                                When I was younger, I used to love coming up with fun, creative wedding gifts. For girlfriends, college room mates, even close work colleagues.

                                                                                                                                Now that I am older, I get invites from relatives' children.

                                                                                                                                Many times the registry has saved me!

                                                                                                                              3. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                autumm RE: c oliver Apr 10, 2014 07:15 PM

                                                                                                                                Sometimes registry's aren't budget realistic. SIL is our 4th sibling to get married, and an inexpensive item on her registry is $75. She wants for her "everyday" dishes a $170 4 piece set, 12 of them please.

                                                                                                                                At her shower last weekend, I only saw 2 things from her registry. Why? It might be her dream list, but the rest of us have a budget to stick to. I gave her a bunch of kitchen towels which coordinated with her kitchen color scheme.

                                                                                                                                For her wedding, she's getting a Home Depot gift card. Something every home owner, new or otherwise, will need (even if she thinks she doesn't yet. . .)

                                                                                                                                1. re: autumm
                                                                                                                                  c oliver RE: autumm Apr 10, 2014 11:25 PM

                                                                                                                                  Our SF daughter did BBB, WS and C&B so something for every budget. The lowest price item was probably $5 and, yes, HD is a GREAT gift.

                                                                                                                                  1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                    monavano RE: c oliver Apr 13, 2014 03:44 PM

                                                                                                                                    Agree HD is a great gift.

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                                                                                                                                      autumm RE: monavano Apr 13, 2014 07:45 PM

                                                                                                                                      Just looked. Home depot does not have a wedding registry. If I were getting married these days after owning this house (late 50s rambler, tons of charm and older home "charm") HD would have been a no brainer for us.

                                                                                                                                      1. re: autumm
                                                                                                                                        monavano RE: autumm Apr 13, 2014 07:47 PM

                                                                                                                                        I was referring to a gift card.

                                                                                                                                        1. re: monavano
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                                                                                                                                          autumm RE: monavano Apr 13, 2014 07:54 PM

                                                                                                                                          Agreed, but I would register there if I could. Instead of a place setting, get a patio chair!

                                                                                                                    2. DuchessNukem RE: HickTownBarnaby Mar 20, 2014 09:21 AM

                                                                                                                      My personal philosophy is that every couple has a small circle of family/friends/mentors that can give something not on the registry. Every couple is different; the circle tends to includes parents, grands, siblings, that eclectic auntie, best friend since grade school, that favorite teacher they still keep in touch with, that first boss who gave you a chance, etc. If you're in that circle, you already know it. For the rest of us, registry or cash/check (I'm from the north originally).

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                                                                                                                        foiegras RE: HickTownBarnaby Apr 11, 2014 02:08 PM

                                                                                                                        I thought of this thread when I saw mentioned in a magazine article that the best wedding present the author received was a pair of Groucho Marx glasses/eyebrows/noses to be worn during fights, still in use many years later. I bet they didn't register for those ;)

                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                        1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                          kaleokahu RE: foiegras Apr 11, 2014 06:09 PM

                                                                                                                          Or the framed, original sonnet to love? What a zonk, I mean c'mon, where's our melonballer!

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                                                                                                                          happybaker RE: HickTownBarnaby Apr 12, 2014 08:39 PM

                                                                                                                          I am a very happy baker (hence the name). I'd made my own marcella hazen wooden rolling pin from a large dowel, oiled it and it served me well for decades, but when my mom shut up her house and asked me what I wanted, the first words out of my mouth were - "Your french rolling pin."

                                                                                                                          She'd had it since the 1960's and it was still in fab shape, even after being well used. Still working well in the year of 2014. Yet - they are not too pricey.

                                                                                                                          Here's a sample -

                                                                                                                          http://www.webstaurantstore.com/20-ta...

                                                                                                                          So if you think the folks might be bakers (or pizza makers) a french rolling pin is thrifty but hugely helpful gift.

                                                                                                                          5 Replies
                                                                                                                          1. re: happybaker
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                                                                                                                            DGresh RE: happybaker Apr 13, 2014 12:50 PM

                                                                                                                            just curious; I have a "standard" wood rolling pin (like http://www.foodservicewarehouse.com/u...);

                                                                                                                            what is the advantage of the taper?

                                                                                                                            1. re: DGresh
                                                                                                                              kaleokahu RE: DGresh Apr 13, 2014 02:30 PM

                                                                                                                              Hi, DGresh:

                                                                                                                              The chief advantage is that, with a thicker middle, you can work at thinning the dough anywhere you please, without making creases or overthinning elsewhere. With a straight flat 'pin, you must resort to all sorts of gymnastics to obtain a uniformly thick disk while avoiding running its edge into the dough.

                                                                                                                              Also, expanding circles' areas being what they are, the tapered pins push/redistribute more dough toward the periphery, making splits and tears there less likely.

                                                                                                                              Aloha,
                                                                                                                              Kaleo

                                                                                                                              1. re: kaleokahu
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                                                                                                                                DGresh RE: kaleokahu Apr 13, 2014 03:03 PM

                                                                                                                                I believe you. I guess at my age I've figured out how to do my pie crusts in my own idiosyncratic way, so I can manage to talk myself out of another gadget :)

                                                                                                                                1. re: DGresh
                                                                                                                                  kaleokahu RE: DGresh Apr 13, 2014 08:16 PM

                                                                                                                                  Hi, DGresh:

                                                                                                                                  Yes, of course. I, too, have not seen fit to buy a French pin when I bake so little and already have a nice marble pin I'm used to. But I will certainly buy one if mine breaks, is emanicipated, or a special need arises.

                                                                                                                                  Aloha,
                                                                                                                                  Kaleo

                                                                                                                                2. re: kaleokahu
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                                                                                                                                  happybaker RE: kaleokahu Apr 13, 2014 07:03 PM

                                                                                                                                  Just made pizza, rolling out the dough with my mom's french rolling pin.

                                                                                                                                  It ROCKED.

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                                                                                                                              espressoiloveyou RE: HickTownBarnaby Apr 13, 2014 06:01 PM

                                                                                                                              Le Creuset dutch oven is really nice to give as a wedding gift. I would love that.

                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                              1. re: espressoiloveyou
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                                                                                                                                venice4504 RE: espressoiloveyou Apr 14, 2014 07:02 AM

                                                                                                                                Great gift but a vast majority of 20 something's wouldn't know how to use it nor would they have storage for it if they lived in an apt. Might as well just buy a nice crock pot.

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                                                                                                                                FeastFinder RE: HickTownBarnaby Apr 13, 2014 08:24 PM

                                                                                                                                Breakfast-in-bed trays with legs that fold up so they can be used as trays.

                                                                                                                                9 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: FeastFinder
                                                                                                                                  kaleokahu RE: FeastFinder Apr 13, 2014 08:49 PM

                                                                                                                                  Oooh, I like that idea... Never seen those on a registry.

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                                                                                                                                    Roland Parker RE: FeastFinder Apr 13, 2014 10:39 PM

                                                                                                                                    Not everyone likes breakfast in bed....

                                                                                                                                    I've done it and contrary to what we may see on Downton Abbey it's very awkward and there's the risk of making a mess on the bed. The last time I did it we were staying in a fancy hotel and I knocked the coffee over and stained the sheets.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: Roland Parker
                                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: Roland Parker Apr 13, 2014 11:03 PM

                                                                                                                                      Agreed. I'll have coffee in/on the bed when in a hotel but would never consider breakfast. I can just picture myself opening that gift and thinking, 'oh my, hopefully there's a gift receipt for this.'

                                                                                                                                      1. re: Roland Parker
                                                                                                                                        monavano RE: Roland Parker Apr 14, 2014 06:58 AM

                                                                                                                                        Thumbs down on the breakfast in bed tray for me too.
                                                                                                                                        It's a lovely, romantic notion, but not practical.
                                                                                                                                        If it folds and does double duty, then it has far more potential to be used.
                                                                                                                                        If I eat in bed, and I do, I just place the plate on my lap.

                                                                                                                                        1. re: monavano
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                                                                                                                                          DGresh RE: monavano Apr 14, 2014 07:45 AM

                                                                                                                                          I love those commercials where the kids bring mom breakfast in bed on mothers' day. I'm up hours before them every day of the year!

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                                                                                                                                          FeastFinder RE: Roland Parker Apr 14, 2014 08:04 PM

                                                                                                                                          We've almost NEVER used them for actual breakfast in BED though occasionally when daughter was little and got a kick out of helping daddy bring in mom's day breakfast or me bring in dad's day breakfast. They've been used a MILLION times for the occasional meal when sick and your sweetie brings you a meal so you don't have to get up, same for a child; in the living room for the Watch a Movie during dinner treat, on the couch or floor to do multiple projects needing a surface off the floor.... They may be called Breakfast trays but Think Outside the Box as I see couple of you have; you miss out on so many uses if you limit your vision

                                                                                                                                          1. re: FeastFinder
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                                                                                                                                            DGresh RE: FeastFinder Apr 15, 2014 01:55 AM

                                                                                                                                            with all due respect, still wouldn't have used it in any of those ways either! (I guess we're fortunate we don't get sick very much)

                                                                                                                                        3. re: FeastFinder
                                                                                                                                          ccbweb RE: FeastFinder Apr 14, 2014 06:33 PM

                                                                                                                                          We have two. We use one almost every night when we have dinner in the living room. The other gets used on the rare occasions when we're both having breakfast in bed. But breakfast in bed is also a frequent treat in our house.

                                                                                                                                          Also, room service breakfast in bed in hotels is one of the main reasons to stay in a hotel. We get it most every night we stay if we're staying for leisure.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: ccbweb
                                                                                                                                            girloftheworld RE: ccbweb Apr 14, 2014 06:56 PM

                                                                                                                                            they also work great for toddlers who visit and you dont want food strung everywhere.. sit 'em on the kitchen floor with a tray... if you dont have the booster seat high chair thijgy

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                                                                                                                                          FeastFinder RE: HickTownBarnaby Apr 14, 2014 09:13 AM

                                                                                                                                          Been thinking of this much & though I made the breakfast-in-bed trays suggestion, do support the suggestions to either get something off their registry or a gift certificate - even for food items they'd love as a treat. I know many people (including ourselves) put a lot of effort into making a list to find the things we truly loved and hoped to own. It was a real treat to be given something of our dreams instead of living with the tastes of someone else no matter how lovingly purchased. Even more-so that appliances come in glorious colors they may love... a Sur La Table certificate for them to choose? Did just think of electronic scale but again, so might someone else buy multiples. Large basket with coffees, teas, condiments, high quality bottled pasta sauces w/ pasta for that easy-to-fix dinner, jams, cheeses, salamis, etc... that can't be exactly duplicated. Herbs & spices can add up to be pricy so a set that includes whatever they may use setting up a new life with an amazon gift card for them to buy a cookbook of choice &/or a stack of recipes you've loved that might help them along (I just did this for college daughter, making decorated sacks that included recipe, dry ingredients plus cash to cover cost of fresh ones). I still stand behind them getting to choose; I STILL after many years treasure the lovely things I picked out for our registry that I would never have treated myself to buying... whatever you decide, they will know it is done with love :) Also just remembered my Cuisinart immersion blender is Invaluable as are my Microplanes - could be added to food basket?

                                                                                                                                          38 Replies
                                                                                                                                          1. re: FeastFinder
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                                                                                                                                            HickTownBarnaby RE: FeastFinder Jun 27, 2014 09:22 AM

                                                                                                                                            Hi, everybody. I see that my question sparked quite a discussion.

                                                                                                                                            After shopping and thinking about it for a long time, I have settled on a wedding gift for my niece: four pieces of Staub cookware. Each piece is elegantly wrapped and ready to go.

                                                                                                                                            When I first met the boy who is marrying my niece, he told me he wanted to go to culinary school and become a chef. Later, he changed career paths but he still has an interest in cooking.

                                                                                                                                            The tricky part is my niece doesn’t have very good taste. She seems to never like the things I give her. (Maybe it’s me who has the problem?)

                                                                                                                                            However, I think her husband-to-be will appreciate the gift and he will sort of bring her along. I do think my niece will come to appreciate the cookware over time. Or, she might run it back to the store and exchange it for something else, which is fine.

                                                                                                                                            By the way, when I took the cookware to the paper store to have it wrapped the girls at the store went nuts over it. They said my niece is lucky to be receiving such a nice wedding gift.

                                                                                                                                            I could be wrong, but I am satisfied with my choice of gift.

                                                                                                                                            staubusa.com

                                                                                                                                            1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                              kaleokahu RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 09:40 AM

                                                                                                                                              Hi, Barney:

                                                                                                                                              Very generous gift.

                                                                                                                                              OK, I gotta ask... Were these Staub pieces on their registry?

                                                                                                                                              Aloha,
                                                                                                                                              Kaleo

                                                                                                                                              1. re: kaleokahu
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                                                                                                                                                HickTownBarnaby RE: kaleokahu Jun 27, 2014 11:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                No, I shopped outside the registry.

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                                                                                                                                                  Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 11:11 AM

                                                                                                                                                  Sounds like a lovely, thoughtful and generous gift.

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 12:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                    I'm curious about what kinds of things were on the registry that turned you off.

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                                                                                                                                                      HickTownBarnaby RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 12:49 PM

                                                                                                                                                      She was registered at Wal-Mart.

                                                                                                                                                      1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 12:53 PM

                                                                                                                                                        Sorry, I asked what not where.

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                                                                                                                                                          HickTownBarnaby RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 12:55 PM

                                                                                                                                                          I only know the where, not the what.

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 12:58 PM

                                                                                                                                                            So how did you know you wouldn't want to shop from the registry if you didn't look at the registry?

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                                                                                                                                                              HickTownBarnaby RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 01:01 PM

                                                                                                                                                              Gut feeling, I guess. Like I said above, I could have made the wrong choice. We'll see...

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                kaleokahu RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 01:05 PM

                                                                                                                                                                Yeah, by all means report back how the newlyweds like your off-registry gift.

                                                                                                                                                              2. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                                                Bellachefa RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 01:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                                what's with the 20 questions? I never buy from a registry. I think it is a bs marketing game and prefer to do something more personal to recognize and celebrate the day and a new life together.

                                                                                                                                                                Otherwise I stick with a cash gift when invited to a lifetime event in which I don't know the marital couple closely. I also don't attend destination weddings that will cost me a few thousand dollars to attend. Never look at the registry and send an appropriate gift with heartfelt warm wishes to the couple.

                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Bellachefa
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                                                                                                                                                                  HickTownBarnaby RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 01:19 PM

                                                                                                                                                                  Thank you. One thing that appeals to me about buying outside the registry is giving them something that they have not seen or even thought of.

                                                                                                                                                                  If I don't know the couple very well I would probably stay with the registry.

                                                                                                                                                                  In this case, I gave it a lot of thought and I did what feels right to me.

                                                                                                                                                                  I understand that how someone receives a gift can't always be predicted.

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Bellachefa
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                                                                                                                                                                    FeastFinder RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 01:43 PM

                                                                                                                                                                    I don't see how it's "a bs marketing game" when the items on it are chosen by the couple themselves. Both options can work well, personally chosen and from the registry. almost 25 years later and I STILL smile thinking of the person who gave me a particular item I dreamed to own that they bought off our registry; JUST as much, I enjoy the personally made pottery given by another friend. No bs involved :)

                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 01:46 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      You may think it's a "bs marketing game" but that's certainly not been my experience. Both of our daughters married in the last five plus years. They put thought into their registries and when I saw each I'd have known which was which without looking at the names :) "More personal"? Yeah, but perhaps unwanted - seriously unwanted. And they have the pain of returning/exchanging. I'd say a nice card with a loving note would be the best thing to accompany a desired gift.

                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                        kaleokahu RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 02:03 PM

                                                                                                                                                                        Hi, Bellachefa:

                                                                                                                                                                        Yup, it's been a craven marketing strategem since Marshall Field & Co. ginned it up in 1924. Couples get the illusion of thinking they'll get exactly what they (think they) want (of only the items carried by the registrar), and the registrar corrals all purchases in-house.

                                                                                                                                                                        Pretty good working definition of BS, since it interposes a retailer between giftor and giftee.

                                                                                                                                                                        Aloha,
                                                                                                                                                                        Kaleo

                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 27, 2014 02:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                          Our younger daughter was on three registries, different price points and different merchandise.

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 03:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                            However many registries there are, it's still bass-ackward, IMO.

                                                                                                                                                                            If the recipient requests an item, I just don't consider it a true gift--it's a delivering on an expectation.

                                                                                                                                                                            I can cotton to couples who post what they might like or need on a social medium. But if this wishful thinking amounts to anything more than a gentle suggestion or expression of preference, it's still presumptuous, IMO. Egregiously so if giftors are denigrated for not toeing the/a registry's line.

                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                              c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 27, 2014 03:56 PM

                                                                                                                                                                              Denigrated???? Where do you get that? Our one daughter did WS, C&B and BBB. Items ran from a few dollars and up.

                                                                                                                                                                              I actually don't love the registry idea but it does save the giver from giving something not wanted and the receiver from getting something not wanted and fielding the questions of "what do you want?" I dislike money as a gift far more than using a registry. And as young people are marrying later these days, most of the ones in our 'circle' have been established in their kitchens for quite a while.

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 06:02 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                Actually, I got it from...you, upthread. If giftors who go off registry are called "uncaring", I call that denigration. And if the giftees are automatically disappointed if they don't get *exactly* what they listed, I call that sad.

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                                  c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 28, 2014 07:40 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                  den·i·grate verb \ˈde-ni-ˌgrāt\
                                                                                                                                                                                  : to say very critical and often unfair things about (someone)

                                                                                                                                                                                  : to make (something) seem less important or valuable

                                                                                                                                                                                  That's an active verb. Being disappointed would be expressed to anyone other than perhaps one's partner.

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                    kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 07:23 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                    One can denigrate someone to another, as you well know.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Since an apple never rolls far from the tree, it's a safe bet there's denigration going on whenever little darlins' momma teaches that going off-registry is "uncaring".

                                                                                                                                                                                    Anyone who would be publicly and impolitely ungrateful to receive, say, four pieces of Staub (merely because of the inconvenience of driving a few miles to return it), should really bone up on the meaning of 'denigrate'.

                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 28, 2014 07:28 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                      If someone receives a gift, wanted or not, and writes a lovely, gracious thank you note, how would the giver feel denigrated? And if you EVER criticize my daughters again, I might turn into the ever-loathed Sarah Palin-type grizzley. Oh, right. SMILE.

                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                        kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 07:34 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                        By your theory, it would be a "lovely, gracious [insincere] thank you note", Sarah.

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 28, 2014 07:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                          Who cares if it's insincere? If I have a not so good meal at a friend's house I'll always say it was lovely.

                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 07:51 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                            No further questions, Your Honor.

                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                                                              happybaker RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 09:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                              Helpful for the guests - good idea!

                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: HickTownBarnaby
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                                                                                                                                                                    foiegras RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 09:14 PM

                                                                                                                                                                    I usually look at the registry, but if it were at Walmart, I would be unable to do so, as I don't darken their doors.

                                                                                                                                                            2. re: HickTownBarnaby
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                                                                                                                                                              Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 04:30 PM

                                                                                                                                                              what color did you go with? I love blue

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Bellachefa
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                                                                                                                                                                HickTownBarnaby RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 05:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                Blue

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                                                                                                                                                                  Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 05:40 PM

                                                                                                                                                                  ummm ~ I have a landmark birthday this month ~ wink wink!!! beautiful!

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Bellachefa
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                                                                                                                                                                    HickTownBarnaby RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 05:42 PM

                                                                                                                                                                    Happy Birthday! (Are you registered anywhere?)

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                                                                                                                                                                      Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 05:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      LOL!!! I trust if I were, your generous heart would consider, but making me giggle and smile is the best gift of all! They will love it.

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                                                                                                                                                                drrayeye RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 12:47 AM

                                                                                                                                                                HickTownBarnaby,

                                                                                                                                                                You and I are on the same wave length. I have three weddings coming up in the next three weeks--all involving children of close relatives I have never met--but know and love from a distance.

                                                                                                                                                                I've been on the internet all week, and spent the afternoon today at W-S trying to find a gift that they would treasure--but never buy on their own--and form a little family bond together at the same time.

                                                                                                                                                                For one gift, I came up with an All Clad professional slotted spoon that was far better than either of the several slotted spoons I own and use (out of my price range). Why? I know that they'll be able to use it regardless of their cooking level, skills, and interests; it's not overbearing--and, they still can exchange it, buy something else, and learn about a really interesting store in the process.

                                                                                                                                                                I'm also getting a 1 1/2 qt. SS saucepan--either All Clad d5 or W-S Thermoclad. Either one of them is extremely practical--and a work of art at the same time. Whichever couple gets the saucepan will have the same opportunities as the couple that gets the slotted spoon.

                                                                                                                                                                For the third, I will get a Dansk design 2 qt. saucepan, Kobenstyle from an online supplier: Mostly the same reasoning as above.

                                                                                                                                                                If i knew them better I might have given them Staub items--just like in my kitchen. I even had some items in mind.

                                                                                                                                                                It's not what they want or I want to impose: it's communication and support from and with a family member. It's a gift of love.

                                                                                                                                                                Ray

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                                                                                                                                                                  HickTownBarnaby RE: drrayeye Jun 29, 2014 11:54 AM

                                                                                                                                                                  Thank you.

                                                                                                                                                                  Many years ago I gave a terrible wedding gift. One that I regretted.

                                                                                                                                                                  I would like to get this one right.

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                                                                                                                                                                    Hobbert RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 29, 2014 11:56 AM

                                                                                                                                                                    Don't tease us! What was it? And how did you know it wasn't a great gift?

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                                                                                                                                                                      HickTownBarnaby RE: Hobbert Jun 29, 2014 12:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      I'm not going there. Let's just say it was way---WAY---off the registry.

                                                                                                                                                                      (Nobody commented about the gift. I just had the realization that it was the wrong thing -- too late.)

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                                                                                                                                                                        girloftheworld RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 29, 2014 05:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                        nothing given with good intentions and from the heart can really be a "terrible" gift... even my Jewish mother appreciated the cross bearing Precious Figurine and the "devotional for couples" book she got from his cousin... she a devout catholic and it just didn't occur to her is what my mom figured...

                                                                                                                                                            3. sandiasingh RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 01:12 PM

                                                                                                                                                              I was just looking on google for a Danish one-size-fits-all flat glass pot lid that I saw on New Scandanavian cooking. If you google Danish cookware images you will find some gorgeous stuff.

                                                                                                                                                              Otherwise, I like to start young couples out with a nice piece of Le Creuset, especially if you know they may not be able to afford it themselves. You can buy another piece to add to their set for every special occasion.

                                                                                                                                                              I have also been known to buy a great Chef's knife, despite the taboos. It's a must for every kitchen and many people don't go to the expense to buy a really good one.

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                                                                                                                                                              1. re: sandiasingh
                                                                                                                                                                c oliver RE: sandiasingh Jun 27, 2014 01:49 PM

                                                                                                                                                                But what if they have all the LC-equivalents that they want and have a chef's knife that they love?

                                                                                                                                                                I just sent one of our daughters an email asking if she wanted a particular item that I have and don't use. I'd also like to order her something that I think she'd like and I know she doesn't have. I've asked about both and will await her reply.

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                                                                                                                                                                  HickTownBarnaby RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 01:57 PM

                                                                                                                                                                  May I see a show of hands?

                                                                                                                                                                  If you did not already own the piece, would anyone here feel disappointed if someone gave you a piece of Staub cookware as a gift?

                                                                                                                                                                  Would it ruin your whole day?

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 02:27 PM

                                                                                                                                                                    Since I have multiple pieces of S-equivalents, yeah, I'd be disappointed. It wouldn't ruin my day then, but it would make me grumble when I have to drive 20 miles to return it.

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                                                                                                                                                                      drrayeye RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 01:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                                      c. Oliver,

                                                                                                                                                                      To some of us, there are no Staub equivalents. Given her husband's likely love for such cookware, she might end up with considerable regrets if she drove twenty miles grumbling to get some more money to spend on "essentials" at WalMart.

                                                                                                                                                                      Ray

                                                                                                                                                                    2. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                      kaleokahu RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 03:50 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      Hi, Barnaby:

                                                                                                                                                                      ECI isn't my thing, but I'd be flattered, impressed, and appreciative if I was gifted ONE Staub piece, let alone four.

                                                                                                                                                                      Aloha,
                                                                                                                                                                      Kaleo

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                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 27, 2014 04:00 PM

                                                                                                                                                                        Aha!!!!! That may be the word that turns me off. "Impressed." As in the giver wants to impress by spending a lot of money. FOUR Staub pieces? For a niece? That seems excessive esp. if her registry was at Wal-Mart. I'm guessing she might have been embarrassed by the largesse. For me I suppose it's a matter of what's appropriate as well as wanting them to be pleased that people are helping them fill in the gaps. If I'm needing/wanting a slow cooker, dish towels, spatulas and I get hundreds of dollars worth of something I don't want/need, who 'wins' there? 'Course the giver won't ever know what a PITA it was as s/he will get a thank you note.

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                                                                                                                                                                          Bellachefa RE: c oliver Jun 27, 2014 04:16 PM

                                                                                                                                                                          so happy a bridal registry, or multiple bridal registries worked out for your daughters, but that does not give you the right to badger and harass and insult the OP for doing what they were comfortable with in a beautiful and generous and timeless gift, knowing the groom likes to cook. Better to buy them kitchen mitts and towels from Walmart. Hick - don't let a stranger on an internet forum demand answers and make you second guess yourself.

                                                                                                                                                                          One of our most cherished bridal gifts was an elegant crystal bowl from Baccarat. Since then I've bought a few for brides with a note explaining it is one of of our favorite posessions from our own wedding and I hope they love it as well. If they decide it is a $150 hunk of worthless glass, that is their prerogative.

                                                                                                                                                                          Had my grandmother been alive when I married, she would likely have given me some type of shamrock belleck teacups for a shower gift, and some over etched Waterford crystal something as a wedding gift. Not my thing, but I would cherish the thought and love she put into it and cherish them.

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: Bellachefa Jun 27, 2014 04:48 PM

                                                                                                                                                                            Not badgering. CH threads aren't owned by any of us. It becomes a forum for an exchange of information and ideas. No different than disagreeing on the perfect way to cook a steak or season cast iron.

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                                                                                                                                                                            drrayeye RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 01:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                            c. Oliver,

                                                                                                                                                                            You're not representing the situation correctly at all. The giver in this example knew that the groom was serious about the culinary arts and wanted to support the growth of that interest between the newly married partners.

                                                                                                                                                                            It's not just a few extra dollars for basics at
                                                                                                                                                                            WalMart that they need--it's strengthening and enriching family ties. The four Staubs, enabling additional cooking opportunities the couple will be able to share, are an unmistakable sign that he cares very much.

                                                                                                                                                                            Ray

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                                                                                                                                                                              foiegras RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 09:08 PM

                                                                                                                                                                              Someone who registered at Wal-mart will likely be unaware that largesse has even occurred.

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                                                                                                                                                                            foiegras RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 09:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                            I'm a Le Creuset person, but I would be interested to receive a Staub piece as a gift, since I have never owned any. It certainly would not ruin my whole day. (I would also add that anyone whose whole day can be ruined by a gift--that isn't, say, a poison dart set--has some serious growing up to do.)

                                                                                                                                                                      2. Ruthie789 RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 03:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                        Emile-Henri cookware, bowls are quite nice.

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                                                                                                                                                                          HickTownBarnaby RE: Ruthie789 Jun 27, 2014 05:46 PM

                                                                                                                                                                          Thanks for the recommendation. I looked at them online and they do look nice.

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                                                                                                                                                                            Ruthie789 RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 27, 2014 07:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                            Form and function and so much to choose from at all price points.

                                                                                                                                                                        2. tim irvine RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 07:46 AM

                                                                                                                                                                          I like to look at the registry to gain a little insight as to their tastes and needs. Sometimes there will be something on there that really resonates with me, and I'll get it. More likely I buy something not on the list that really resonates with me that seems harmonious with their tastes and needs. The first thing that often pops into my mind is a salt pig in a style that won't clash with their other stuff. I have friends getting married later this summer who are going to have an instant big family. I am thinking of a fourteen inch DeBuyer fry pan for that couple. Interestingly silver has sort of drifted out of favor. One of our favorites was an old silver piece that had been a wedding gift to old family friends and was handed down to us. It is pretty and it connects us to a lovely family that has been close to ours for a century. I have to say most of the time gifts for people with eclectic tastes are a lot more fun than gifts for people going for a matched look, but every now and then even someone who has registered for a set of All Clad and a block of Wusthofs will present a cool gift opportunity, sometimes even on their registry. If not, they are getting a modern salt pig or an Emile Henry casserole.

                                                                                                                                                                          1. c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 07:49 AM

                                                                                                                                                                            I just had a thought that might pacify a few of us. Look at the registry. See what's still 'available,' and buy an upgraded one of those. A chef's knife, a DO, etc.

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                                                                                                                                                                              DebinIndiana RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 01:58 PM

                                                                                                                                                                              I found it.

                                                                                                                                                                              http://www.penzeys.com/scstore/giftbo...

                                                                                                                                                                              http://www.penzeys.com/scstore/giftbo...

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                                                                                                                                                                                c oliver RE: DebinIndiana Jun 28, 2014 02:02 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                I ADORE Penzey's spices but those pre-selected boxes just don't do it for me. And I never use blends - even the free ones they send me :) I'd have a really hard time picking out spices for someone else, even someone I know really well and know how they cook.

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                                                                                                                                                                                  DebinIndiana RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 06:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                  I was reading this thread:

                                                                                                                                                                                  http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/359568

                                                                                                                                                                                  so -- synchronicity!

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                                                                                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: DebinIndiana Jun 28, 2014 06:28 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                    Funny. And it shows how someone's "trash" is another's "treasure."

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                                                                                                                                                                                      DebinIndiana RE: c oliver Jun 29, 2014 09:47 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                      You could be right, too, that the blends are not very good. Most spice blends are mostly salt and garlic.

                                                                                                                                                                                      We have a favorite blend, though, called Shoups (also mostly salt and garlic) that won my daughter a reputation as a fabulous cook when she was in college. ("This grilled asparagus/broiled chicken/pork tenderloin/pot roast/hamburger/vegetable dish is delicious! How did you make it?" "Shoups")

                                                                                                                                                                                      I don't have a Penzeys nearby and have not shopped at one, so I'd love to get a big box full of goodies to try. And it would cause me to throw out any existing duplicates, which is always SO hard for me to do!

                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                    Ruthie789 RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 07:05 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                    I like blends, find them convenient.

                                                                                                                                                                                  3. re: DebinIndiana
                                                                                                                                                                                    Ruthie789 RE: DebinIndiana Jun 28, 2014 07:04 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                    I would appreciate a gift of this nature and do like blends.

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                                                                                                                                                                                    tzurriz RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 02:13 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                    The best and most used gift we recieved was an enameled cast iron dutch oven. I use it almost every day.

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                                                                                                                                                                                      Bellachefa RE: tzurriz Jun 28, 2014 02:30 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                      The best most used gift we recieved were fine down pillows from an auntie that had a big employee discount - and no it wasn't on 'the regsitry'

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                                                                                                                                                                                      Bellachefa RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 02:21 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                      It would be interesting to hear from the brides of the past few years, who felt obliged to "register" in about 10 years.

                                                                                                                                                                                      22 years later, I was 'strongly encouraged' to register. Thankfully I drew a line and I didn't register fine china and glassware, or silver, which was of great disappointment.

                                                                                                                                                                                      Funny all these years later, my mom prefers her 'everyday' dishes and flatware and the expensive stuff is boxed in storage with no interest.

                                                                                                                                                                                      And my most cherished items that I still have today were on no lists, and I remember each and every person that took the time to find something that represented them while complimenting our new lives.

                                                                                                                                                                                      4 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: Bellachefa Jun 28, 2014 02:27 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                        Neither of our daughters went the china/crystal/silver route. They're in their mid30s and have been married five plus years. It's not their lifestyle and I understand that this is common in this age group. Hell, it's common in mine (67 and counting). I love to set a pretty table but RARELY does it mean the full on formal. One daughter does have some very nice WS dishes. Both couples entertain regularly.

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                                                                                                                                                                                          Bellachefa RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 02:33 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                          why are you responding again as if my post has anything to do with you and only you. this thread is not all about you.

                                                                                                                                                                                          get back to us in five years you just seem to tear down anyone who posts on this thread in a defensive way because you think bridal and shower registry is the way all to go and any thoughful gift including money is under you and your personal values. that is fine, but must you badger us so much and demand that your insight is superior?

                                                                                                                                                                                          The original poster is pleased with their choice yet you continue to post in a manner to second guess their very thoughfilled and generous choice based on people in their early 20's and comparing them to two daughters in their 30's who were already set up. Why not celebrate a beautiful and generous gift?

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                                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: Bellachefa Jun 28, 2014 02:42 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                            Deep breaths, dear. I was relating our daughters experiences and tastes because they kind fit the demographic you asked about.

                                                                                                                                                                                            I'm not tearing down anyone's choices. I don't think just answering "sounds good" accomplishes anything. I think that pointing out possible downsides to something is a positive. Doesn't mean that it's bad just saying. And I believe that I DID write that I was from the South originally and that may have colored my ideas of the appropriateness of money. Where you see me demanding anything is beyond me.

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                                                                                                                                                                                              Bellachefa RE: c oliver Jun 28, 2014 02:45 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                              Do not call me dear. It demeans you.

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                                                                                                                                                                                        healthytouch101 RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 28, 2014 04:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                        My niece had a Le Creuset knock-off covered enamel-wear bean pot on her registry. I happened to find an LC at a thrift store in perfect condition for $15. Bought it and sent it. My hope is that she appreciated it as much (same color even).

                                                                                                                                                                                        I do not like registries except as a launching pad for other ideas. If I do not know you (a new co-worker is an example) I will buy from the registry. if I do, I will use it as a guide to what you want/need. I like giving the eclectic. A hand-made wooden step-stool, an Amish bookcase, a rocker. A serious birdhouse/feeder (assuming one was on your list---mine will likely be a squirrel-resistant one as you don't yet realize the importance of that--my similarly-aged friends got one from us for a birthday or something and they STILL have it 12 or more years later).

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                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: healthytouch101
                                                                                                                                                                                          girloftheworld RE: healthytouch101 Jun 28, 2014 04:53 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                          "happened to find an LC at a thrift store in perfect condition for $15."

                                                                                                                                                                                          That is so cool! I would be thrilled! One...that you you out and and even remembered that had that on my registry when you found it...two that you would share such an amazing find with me and just not keep it!!

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                                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: girloftheworld Jun 28, 2014 05:04 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                            The SECOND I saw that you had replied here, I KNEW that would be your attitude. And it's mine also!!!

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                                                                                                                                                                                          healthytouch101 RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 29, 2014 05:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                          Honestly, I wanted to keep the LC pot, but truly a young vegetarian married couple would use the dickens out of it. Even if they moved to England.

                                                                                                                                                                                          I am torn about relatives not giving showers because in my area it is often relatives still in our little backwater area....and many who want to gift the young. So, no-one holds it against them. Latest invite is to a wedding shower hosted by three aunts. I don't care who hosts it, I know and love the young lady and want to wish her well. We were the household she was allowed to run away to when she was 7 yo...she was told to call us if she was in danger/under the influence and didn't want to call parents.....we still care for her. I don't care her loving aunts are hosting the party--I just want to be there.

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                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: healthytouch101
                                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: healthytouch101 Jun 29, 2014 05:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                            I wonder if that etiquette rule of family not hosting showers has gone by the wayside. Seems many/most do.

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                                                                                                                                                                                              girloftheworld RE: c oliver Jun 29, 2014 05:33 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                              i just hosted a "baby shower" for my former choir teacher.. but it wasn't a real baby shower.... she was adopting a 12 year old girl out of foster care... and I know it is probably something that "isn't done" but... she needed so many things of her own that were new and fresh...

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: girloftheworld
                                                                                                                                                                                                c oliver RE: girloftheworld Jun 29, 2014 05:34 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                I don't know why it "isn't done." Sounds great and a lot of fun.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                Hobbert RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 07:42 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                Yeah, it's kind of a weird "rule". I get the intention behind it but no one in my circle adheres to it. They even throw their own *gasp* showers!

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                                                                                                  DuffyH RE: Hobbert Jun 30, 2014 07:58 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Tradition is being thrown out the window with abandon, isn't it? I got an invitation once, that I *think* was to a wedding, but I really wasn't sure.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  "John and Mary invite you to join them as they unite their lives" was what it said, or some similar bullshit new-agey crap.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I was very much afraid we were being asked to help them move in together. What to wear? Party frock and strappy sandals or grungy clothes and sturdy shoes? Decisions, decisions.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Dude thought it sounded rather kinky, and didn't want to know more.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Tradition can exist for a very good reason; we fuck with it to our peril.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                    foiegras RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 09:27 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                    I plan to quote your last line on my wedding invitations.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                      DuffyH RE: foiegras Jun 30, 2014 12:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                      That'll get their attention, for sure. :-D

                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 01:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Boy, the use the registry objections have sure dried up :)

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                                                                                                                                                                                                          kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 02:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                          ...and most imagination along with it.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 30, 2014 02:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                            As dobs writes " going way off the registry says "I know your situation better than you and I know what you need better than you do." It can be perceived as paternalistic and quite a ballsy stance to take. "

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Also "whatever you do remember to get something the recipient would want, not what you would want the recipient to have."

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Since we gave power tools to one niece, I'm really loving the shop-vac :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                              kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 03:11 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Hector
                                                                                                                                                                                                              hec·tor hektər/
                                                                                                                                                                                                              verb
                                                                                                                                                                                                              verb: hector; 3rd person present: hectors; past tense: hectored; past participle: hectored; gerund or present participle: hectoring

                                                                                                                                                                                                              talk to (someone) in a bullying way.
                                                                                                                                                                                                              "She hectors us into silent submission"
                                                                                                                                                                                                              synonyms: bully, intimidate, browbeat, harass, torment, plague

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Ennui
                                                                                                                                                                                                              en·nui änˈwē/
                                                                                                                                                                                                              noun

                                                                                                                                                                                                              a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. "Insurmountable ennui inevitably follows endless hectoring"

                                                                                                                                                                                                              synonyms: boredom, tedium, listlessness, lethargy, lassitude, languor, weariness, enervation

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                                                                c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jun 30, 2014 03:13 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                I didn't think she was doing that either. Rather than giving an opinion based on someone else's experience, she gave her own experiences. I thought it was super.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  monavano RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 03:19 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Me too.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 03:21 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    She isn't the hectoratrix engengering the ennui.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                              drrayeye RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 04:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Oliver and Dobs,

                                                                                                                                                                                                              As a "giver," about to give three wedding gifts, I've ignored registries, and thought about family--and meaningfulness. As a total stranger, I'd be willing to consider registries, but I'd probably end up sending cash, and let those who make up these registries buy something themselves. I'd treat the check as an admission ticket to the party, or a reasonably polite way to show respects when I don't appear. I'd no longer feel connected to the event at all..

                                                                                                                                                                                                              A sincere gift would come from my heart, not your registries. The more you extol the virtues of a registry, the more I wonder why I am participating at all in any aspect of the wedding. It's hard to get excited being the enabler of someone's shopping spree.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: drrayeye
                                                                                                                                                                                                                c oliver RE: drrayeye Jun 30, 2014 04:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                I'd say as long as your "heart" knows "to get something the recipient would want, not what you would want the recipient to have" you're on solid ground.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                  drrayeye RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 07:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  For the right bride and groom, blood relatives, I might remind them of their Scandinavian heritage with a crepe pan and a Swedish pancake recipe book.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: drrayeye
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: drrayeye Jun 30, 2014 07:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And if it's not on their registry, could it be that they already have or have NO interest in?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      drrayeye RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 09:27 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      C Oliver,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Not only might they not have interest: t's entirely possible that they've never thought about it at all. It's also possible that they have not really explored their family traditions.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      In my extended family, I was fortunate to actually see my great grandmother in action (in her 90's), commanding her 5 daughters in Swedish as they prepared traditional Swedish feasts for the larger extended family. I then closely observed her daughter, my grandmother, as she baked twice a week and prepared a similar schedule of Swedish meals for us as I grew up.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Two generations later, no one in our extended family speaks fluent Swedish anymore, or remembers what's involved in a Swedish breakfast buffet any more--but Swedish pancakes are a remnant that has been passed on--just try Googling "Swedish pancakes."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      A simple gift of a Crepe pan and a recipe book might well help this generation of American Swedes to begin exploring who they are and where they came from.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You'll rarely, if ever, find exploring one's identity through simple meals in anyone's registry--and I wouldn't challenge just any new couple to embark on such an endeavor--but that's part of what family is all about: and a real take-away from the wedding..

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: drrayeye
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: drrayeye Jun 30, 2014 09:35 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Or not.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. re: drrayeye
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  DuffyH RE: drrayeye Jun 30, 2014 04:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Hi Ray,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I'm probably showing my traditional side again, but I've never felt that a gift/cash was my ticket to the party. I'm still operating under the quaint notion that I was invited because the couple would like me to be there to share in the joy of the day.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Showers, now. Gifts are obligatory for those events. That's my take, anyway.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  ETA - You may be going off-registry, but you're doing it with much forethought for couples it seems you know well. Nothing wrong with that, ever. It's the best way to choose gifts, IMO.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    c oliver RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 05:04 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Yep. "Shower" means to "shower with gifts."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: drrayeye
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    dobs737 RE: drrayeye Jul 1, 2014 06:18 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I apologize for stirring the pot so to speak. I promise I'm not a hector and really do try to avoid conflict and confrontation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I was just merely trying to open some people's eyes to another viewpoint. I only registered for what I knew would be useful to my husband and I because we had both been out of our parents homes for years and had accumulated a lot of stuff already. When we got engaged we went thru all our crap and did a merge and purge to get rid of unecessary duplicate, triplicates, etc. 3.5 years later I find myself still purging stuff!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I cooked my own meals in grad school and had lots of All-clad and Le Creuset and had mostly rounded out my cookware. The few items I did want / need in the year up to my wedding I did not purchase and just put them on the registry. I needed new towels in grad school and waited for a sale at Restoration Hardware for a color being discontinued. Between the two of us we already had 6 sets of sheets for 2 beds. These were all things I just did not need.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What we did want / need was some decent silverware and so that was a big thing we registered for. We registered for and received a pair of Waterford candelsticks from the most fitting giver because she is prim and proper and sets quite a formal table. I will ALWAYS think of her when I use those. The Waterford candelsticks are the only ones I will ever own because I don't see the point in having more than one pair (just clutter to me peronally and crystal, like diamonds, goes with everything). So, had someone given us another set of sticks I would feel guilted into keeping them due to the sentimental value of being a wedding gift.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I also personally believe that less is more, at least for myself. Some people find happiness in having a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff just looks like clutter to my and gives me an anxiety attack. I am happiest with less stuff and more memories / experiences. One of the gifts we registered for that I love is a Bocce ball set. We often play in the evening in the backyard as we are grilling dinner. Maybe some people would turn their nose up at giving us sporting goods but I really enjoy our evening beer and bocce.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    That being said, I do love the idea of the Crepe pan downthread. We received a Waterford Christmas ornament from a very Irish family so it was quite fitting. My 11 year old cousin made us a photo album which I treasure.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The point I really wanted to make is that getting a gift off a registry can be personal if you pick a gift that really represents you. Fixer upper / woodworking enthusiasts gave us a shopvac. Irish people Waterford. Prim and proper gave us formal candlesticks, a short person who understands my plight gave me a two-step stepstool. All things I registered for, all things I use regularly, all people I think of whenever I use their gift.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      drrayeye RE: dobs737 Jul 1, 2014 07:18 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Great post, beautifully written. I'd have thought very seriously about items on a registry you constructed with such care. If I were family, and you knew me well, you might have even thoughtfully guided my thinking with items on your registry, helping me avoid an awkward mistake.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Hopefully, I would have done my part.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        kaleokahu RE: dobs737 Jul 1, 2014 08:50 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Hi, dobs: "I apologize for stirring the pot so to speak. I promise I'm not a hector and really do try to avoid conflict and confrontation."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        No apology needed. I wasn't directing anything at you. You merely picked up the axe another (who thinks any gift off registry is "uncaring") loves to grind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Aloha,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Kaleo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: kaleokahu
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: kaleokahu Jul 1, 2014 08:59 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Actually I'm going to 'fess up AND make a concession. If it's not kitchen related or even practical, I can see going off registry. So no cookware, no sheets, no towels, etc. The kind of things pikawicca mentioned sound lovely. And when my niece/goddaughter got married I did give them a small vase from Tiffany. But if you're going for practical stuff, then why not give them what they need rather than what you think they should have or what they MAY want some day. As the giver, it really is about the receiver, isn't it?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            kaleokahu RE: c oliver Jul 1, 2014 12:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            No one in this thread has ever said their gift is about the donor rather than the receiver. OF COURSE it's about the recipient.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            What *was* said (by adherents to ONLY giving on-registry) is that going off registry made the gift just about the donor.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            It is not only possible, but somewhat probable, that a donor with decades of cooking and householding experience *will* know better than a young bride and groom when it comes to certain items. I'm NOT talking about matters of color, taste, or principally subjective things, either. Upthread, I used the example of a cheap-yet-crappy waffle iron, which I think is still a good example of the happy couple perhaps not knowing what would please them the most.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Since we're confessing, you may recall that said waffle iron was purchased anyway--from the registry--simply and solely because both bride and groom were virtual strangers to us. So, for lack of a better, more individualized, option, we chose to give them exactly what they [said they] wanted.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. d
                                                                                                                                                                                                        dobs737 RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 30, 2014 06:07 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                        A LOT has already been said on this thread that I gleaned over so I apologize in advance for any redundancy as I read, and then started to quickly ready. I may have missed some stuff.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        I have been married for 3.5 years. I got married when I was 28 and had been living with my fiance (oh the shame!) for 6 months prior to our wedding. We did have a registry at Amazon, BBB, and WS.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        In my opinion stick to the registry or write a check. I know your intentions may be wonderful but going way off the registry says "I know your situation better than you and I know what you need better than you do." It can be perceived as paternalistic and quite a ballsy stance to take. The couple carefully added items to the registry they knew they will use. Also, often when I use an item I received as a wedding present I remember that person / family which leads to a text or phone call to just say "hi, how ya doing, just thinking about you."

                                                                                                                                                                                                        There are a few exceptions to the rule though. If they registered for the cheap $2 basting spoon at walmart and you upgraded to the all-clad that is fine. If they registered for a crock-pot and you get them a SV, not so fine. It can be frustrating for a "keep it simple, less is more" bride to receive gifts she knows she will never use, but feels guilty de-cluttering and getting rid of a gift simply because it was a wedding gift.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        When we first wed we were renting a house in our hometown. Job layoffs necessitated an immediate and unexpected move to a big city where we needed to find housing quickly so the first apartment we rented was very small with the world's smallest kitchen. There was no room for a crock pot let alone a stand mixer or food processor. Take into consideration how much space the couple currently have. Keep in mind that the burden of student debt is delaying homeownership as young people are less able to save for a down payment so they may not have much room for quite a while. Will they need to move frequently like a military family would? Then perhaps the ultra fragile crystal may not be the best gift for them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        We asked for a shop vac because when we first wed we rented a house and my husband did a lot of woodworking. It had to stay at my parents when we lived in an apartment but now we are homeowners once again. That shop vac came in handy when we had to suck up 180 gallons of water in our basement on Christmas eve and dump it in the sump pump because the sewer system backed up. However a person in a high rise condo probably has no use for a shop vac. Just think carefully about the couple's situation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        While I stick to the registry (or write a check) I do try to go for things that are long lasting and not trendy. No home decor as taste change. Go for something like a nice knife or skillet if they have registered for that. They will use it daily and thank you. If they have registered for a set of cookware that is out of your budget you can get them 1 piece that is contained in the set. Many sets go unpurchased off of registries because they are pricey. Get them once piece so the bride can use the store credit towards the set.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        The thank you notes I just received make me feel like I made the right choice. My ultra tall cousin and her ultra tall husband were very happy for the check - it went toward a king bed and they now can sleep comfortably. My other cousin is happy for the Yamazaki silverware he registered for as it is quite the upgrade from the Wal-Mart silverware of his college days. As with any gift, whatever you do remember to get something the recipient would want, not what you would want the recipient to have.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        23 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                          DuffyH RE: dobs737 Jun 30, 2014 06:44 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                          <As with any gift, whatever you do remember to get something the recipient would want, not what you would want the recipient to have.>

                                                                                                                                                                                                          That pretty much sums it up for me. I feel like upgrading is usually fine, but subbing my superior judgement isn't.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                            h
                                                                                                                                                                                                            HickTownBarnaby RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 02:51 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                            I honestly had no idea that people were so fussy about giving/receiving wedding gifts outside of the registry.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Has it always been this way?

                                                                                                                                                                                                            I've soured on the whole affair. It seems that I can never win with my niece, anyway. Why should this occasion be any different?

                                                                                                                                                                                                            (I'd be willing to bet money, though, that the groom will like the gift.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                                                              c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 30, 2014 03:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Wedding registries have been around about 100 years and they are popular for a reason. And popular with the givers and the recipients. If I have the choice of knowing what someone would really love to have, that makes it easier for me and happier also. I KNOW I'm giving something they really want.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              PS: NEVER take gifts to the wedding. Have them sent. Always.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                dobs737 RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 03:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Agreed, schlepping gifts is the last thing the wedding party wants to be doing at midnight when you need to be out of the reception hall on time an need to tear down because you didn't have the budget to have a coordinator and did it all yourselves!

                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                                                                DuffyH RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 30, 2014 05:11 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Hi HickTownBarnaby,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                I'm not fussy about gifting off-registry, as long as I have a strong sense that the thing I've chosen will be well-received. That's my goal, always. I usually let the registry guide me in this, choosing something from it or similar.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                That said, I feel for you, shopping for someone who's so different from you. It can be difficult, for sure. I've been there, too. I'm still a little baffled, though. This line in your latest comment jumped out at me:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                "I've soured on the whole affair. It seems that I can never win with my niece, anyway. Why should this occasion be any different?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                It seems as though you've decided to get something you think the groom with his culinary interest will like and not worry about what your niece wants. Yes? I'm wondering why you'd do this. It seems as though there may be some frustration (commenting on her poor taste upthread) with her registry choices. OTOH, maybe I'm reading you all wrong.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                My question would be this to you... is this gift so completely off-registry (they didn't ask for any cookware that's even somewhat like a DO?) that it's likely to piss her off? If you think this, why would you pick such a gift, and it's a terrific one, but maybe not to her? Isn't the goal of every gift to please and delight the recipient, no matter how we feel about their taste or lack thereof?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Duffy

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: DuffyH
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Bellachefa RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 05:21 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  What rational person in any country and socio economic existence would be "pissed off" receiving 4 beautiful pieces of quality, last a lifetime, heirloom, blue cookery? I'm placing my bet on the OP and that the groom will be thrilled and that the niece will have many a fine meal and celebratory meals as they build their marriage.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    DuffyH RE: Bellachefa Jun 30, 2014 05:28 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Bellachef,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Perhaps the niece? OP implied as much in his last and prior comments. I hope she'll be be pleased, for both their sakes, but it seems OP isn't holding his breath.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      c oliver RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 05:30 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      It sounds like the only prayer of pleasing this niece is to give her EXACTLY what she wants. Well, maybe not 'pleased,' but she then can't complain, can she?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        DuffyH RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 05:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Sometimes that's what it takes, sadly.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                          foiegras RE: c oliver Jul 1, 2014 12:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Some may feel that people like that aren't worth attempting to please. I have one in my family, and she's a corker. Pleasing her hasn't been on my agenda for many moons.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          If this is in fact her character, poor groom.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            c oliver RE: foiegras Jul 1, 2014 12:21 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I don't know the etiquette nowadays but seem to remember that you have a year to send a gift. There are those marriages where one might want to wait the full year.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. re: Bellachefa
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        h
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Hobbert RE: Bellachefa Jun 30, 2014 06:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I, personally, would not appreciate it. I dislike blue pots and have what I need as far as pots and pans. Would I be pissed off? Of course not. Would it be vaguely annoying to have to store it somewhere in my not-that-big house while I figured out if I could return them or sell them? Yeah.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        If it's something one of them will love and will benefit both of them, go for it. Just don't be shocked when you come visit and don't see your weird candleholder/Christmas vases/hard liquor you gave me (examples from my own wedding). I did not want it. Perfectly nice gifts, just not for me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: Hobbert Jun 30, 2014 07:00 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Funny that blue is the color. I'm seeing a lot of blue in catalogs like Pottery Barn, etc. Beautiful but it's just not for me. I also have (technically!) too many pieces of any particular cookware.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          During our garage sale yesterday, I came across a rather colletible little porcelin spoon that a friend gave me years ago. I have no clue why she gave it to me. It's worth a tidy sum for what it is and I wish she hadn't wasted her. money.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            h
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Hobbert RE: c oliver Jul 1, 2014 05:51 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Blue does seem to be popular right now. It's a pretty color and I love to wear it but I find it unappetizing and it doesn't fit with my kitchen decor. All my dishes and serving dishes are white...but I doubt my wedding guests knew that ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: Hobbert
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            dobs737 RE: Hobbert Jul 1, 2014 06:23 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I agree, blue is not my thing. The color blue actually makes me blue. Additionally I would need a pry bar to get another piece of cookware in my small kitchen so I would go to the basement in a box and go rarely if ever used.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 05:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I just had a little 'aha' moment and a chuckle. We had a garage sale yesterday. No junk just things that we no longer use for whatever reason. Some because our tastes have changed. Some things that I really, really like but haven't used in ten or even twenty years. Maybe I should just save all those things for any upcoming wedding gifts. I mean *I* really like them :) Just being silly. (Maybe because of the heat stroke yesterday!)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            dobs737 RE: c oliver Jul 1, 2014 06:25 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            That actually isn't a bad idea. I like vintage items because the quality is usually better. They don't make things like they used to!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              DuffyH RE: dobs737 Jul 1, 2014 07:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I did that once with a couple just starting out, with no household goods at all. And oops! They didn't register for any of the kitchen drawer stuff, beyond knives. It just didn't occur to them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Dude and I put together a box of kitchen utensils and gadgets for them, collecting a number of things we'd been given (often by people the couple knew) over the years. We attached a tag with a short note about it's history to these items. Then we filled in with new stuff. Other friends and family heard about our gift box and wanted to play, too. They wrote a note about their item, and so on.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              By the time the wedding day arrived, the box had grown quite large and was a treasure trove of cool new and well-loved vintage kitchen stuff. The newlyweds were thrilled.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                dobs737 RE: DuffyH Jul 1, 2014 07:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                What a wonderful thing to do! A family friend started a hope chest for me when I was in high school. He didn't have children of his own so every year for Christmas he'd get me something for my "hopeless" chest as he called it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Setting up a box for a couple who doesn't have many household goods is AWESOME. All that little stuff can really start to add up.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I come from quite a large family (dad is 1 of 11) and I'm on the older end of the spectrum of grandchildren. I inherited household goods for my college apartment from a few older cousins and as I have gotten married and upgraded my hand-me-downs are now going to my younger cousins. I think most every cousin has owned grandma's sunbeam mixer at some point in college.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  DuffyH RE: dobs737 Jul 1, 2014 07:34 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  <I think most every cousin has owned grandma's sunbeam mixer at some point in college.>

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  That is too cool. I'll bet they all looked forward to the day they would finally get Grandma's Sunbeam. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: DuffyH
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            h
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            HickTownBarnaby RE: DuffyH Jun 30, 2014 05:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            It'll be fine. Nobody will be "pissed off." It will be a great day. All smiles.....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              DuffyH RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 30, 2014 05:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Hi HickTownBaranby,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              That's good news, and exactly as the day should be for everyone. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      3. re: dobs737
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: dobs737 Jun 30, 2014 07:11 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        So, so well expressed. Especially as Duffy noted "get something the recipient would want, not what you would want the recipient to have."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      4. pikawicca RE: HickTownBarnaby Jun 30, 2014 04:52 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Did not have a registry, don't think it was that common way back when. The 3 wedding gifts that I still own and treasure are not items that I thought I needed: A porcelain cache-pot that has held a succession of plants over the years, a gift from my vet and his wife; a sandcasting of dolphins that graces the guest bath, courtesy of my brother and SIL; and a beautiful slate and ash cheeseboard, gifted by a former boyfriend.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        These were gifts from people who knew me very well, and they nailed it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        5 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: pikawicca
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          c oliver RE: pikawicca Jun 30, 2014 05:17 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Actually I was reading that they got really, really popular in the 60s but have been around for a century or more. I've never heard of them NOT being around and used regularly. It's just so easy now with the internet.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Here's an magazine article with 22 suggestions for 'different' wedding gifts. Gifts that will "a clever and unexpected gift idea that will leave a wow-worthy impression." I'd say the majority couples would gladly dispense with "clever and unexpected." And if the giver is aiming for "wow-worthy" then it does sorta play into what the rationale is.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/re...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            pikawicca RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 05:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Cath, I think there's a real difference between "clever and unexpected gifts" (gag) and gifts that your nearest and dearest select with you in mind. I find gift registries soulless, so I think you and I will just have to agree to disagree. (However, you know me well enough, and my cooking habits, that I suspect you could come up with an unsolicited kitchen gift for me that would rock my boat.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: pikawicca
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              c oliver RE: pikawicca Jun 30, 2014 05:50 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I'd probably NEVER give you anything for the kitchen cause you have at least TWO of everything, don't you?!?!? Those gift suggestions from Real Simple were all quite nice but I think the only ones I'd like were those darling little vases. Maybe I'd buy you a horse!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                pikawicca RE: c oliver Jun 30, 2014 05:52 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                The horse would work. (Not to cook, I hasten to add.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: pikawicca
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  c oliver RE: pikawicca Jun 30, 2014 05:55 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Snorting vodka up my nose :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. Beach Chick RE: HickTownBarnaby Jul 1, 2014 05:58 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Tiffany fruit bowl..around $200..

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. c oliver RE: HickTownBarnaby Jul 1, 2014 12:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            One of our daughters called this morning and I was telling her about this thread. When I mentioned the word "creative" she started choking and as I continued she just kept saying "no,"no." When she was able to form multiple syllable words again :) she said to please, please buy from the registry. Please. Don't try to determine if someone would really like something else better. Or later. And she did qualify that to mean on practical items like kitchen, bath bed. She's 35 now and has been married six years, cooking since she was in high school and living in apartments during and after college.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            7 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: c oliver
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              monavano RE: c oliver Jul 1, 2014 12:41 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              The registry is your friend.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I jump online asap so I can still sort of choose something I think works, and still know the couple wants it.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Oh, and it's at my price point ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: monavano
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                HickTownBarnaby RE: monavano Jul 1, 2014 05:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I had dinner with my niece at a restaurant tonight.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I ordered the soup. When my niece saw how good it looked, she ordered one for herself.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                As she talked about how nice the soup was she added, "I could make this at home."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                That is the first time I have heard her say that at a restaurant --- "I could make this at home."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I didn't say it---but I thought, "My dear, there might be an OFF-THE-REGISTRY saucepan in your future that could be useful for that."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: HickTownBarnaby
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  DuffyH RE: HickTownBarnaby Jul 1, 2014 06:49 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  It sounds like your gift will be very well received. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: HickTownBarnaby
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    foiegras RE: HickTownBarnaby Jul 2, 2014 01:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Maybe you can put a couple recipe cards with your favorite soups inside :)

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      monavano RE: foiegras Jul 2, 2014 01:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That puts it over the top-great idea.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: foiegras
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        c oliver RE: foiegras Jul 2, 2014 02:04 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Many decades ago I went to a "bridal" shower (never understood why more don't include the men) and we were each asked to bring a favorite recipe. I thought that was a super idea.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: c oliver
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          foiegras RE: c oliver Jul 2, 2014 02:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I would really love that. I love church cookbooks, even though they tend to overuse Campbell's soup and similar products ... it's nice to see everyone's favorite recipes that they really use often to make family meals.

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