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The Obnivore: A Cooperative Chowhound Game

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  • Steve Jan 17, 2014 08:11 AM
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The Obnivore: A Cooperative Chowhound Game

I plan to open up a virtual restaurant called The Obnivore. It will be very expensive and feature food that is thoroughly obnoxious, but in a cunning way. When people eat here, they will not know what to think. Is it a joke or serious? The best food they’ve eaten…. or the worst?

Critics will be stymied. Their pens will run dry. Words will escape them. It will be completely astounding. Everyone will be speechless except to talk about the mystery of the restaurant.

But I am going to need your help, and this is where the game begins. I am having trouble coming up with a signature dish, the single dish that will define the restaurant for, hopefully, years to come. I am not looking for a name for this dish; I’ll name it later. I am looking for a recipe, written out with instructions in sentence form.

To compose this recipe, I am asking for your collective help. The recipe will be written cooperatively by any and all who want to participate.

There are only two rules:

1) You can only add to the recipe TWO WORDS AT A TIME including prepositions, articles, numbers, etc. Anything normally separated by a space is considered a word. You can add punctuation before, after, or in the middle of your two words. Example: 350 degrees are two words, but 350° is one word.

2) You can’t post twice in a row, but you can post more than once.

Two Housekeeping notes:

1) Always reply to this post. Simply click on the BIG BLUE REPLY button at the top of the thread. DO NOT REPLY to the other posts in this thread. Because of the way Chowhound posts ‘nest,’ everyone needs to stick to this method of reply or it will become too difficult to follow.

2) Please resist the temptation to ask questions or make other comments on this thread. My e-mail address is in my profile if you have a question.

Keep in mind the theme as stated above. The temptation will be to turn it into an obvious joke, but that is not the purpose. Let the first paragraph be your guide.

Just like the restaurant, I have no idea if this game will be a success or failure, but now I will leave it in your hands.

I will start off with the first two words, and then the rest is up to you:

“Preheat the…..

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  1. deep fryer

    1. The chef.

      1. thinly slices

        1. penguin liver

          1. into carpaccio.

            1. Then dust

              1. finely powdered

                1. roast kale

                  1. Sea salt

                    1. and roughly

                      1. 1/8 pinch

                        1. of dehydrated

                          1. ghost peppers

                            1. over carpaccio.

                              1. (you got it Tommy)
                                ...

                                1. Meanwhile, mix

                                  1. two grams

                                    1. Porcini powder

                                      1. with a

                                        1. single drop

                                          1. of concentrated

                                            1. elk tear

                                              1. and repeat

                                                1. marinate overnight

                                                  1. Uncork the

                                                    1. single malt

                                                      1. pomegranate vinegar

                                                        1. and pour

                                                          1. liberally over

                                                            1. sliced kumquats.

                                                              1. Deep fry

                                                                1. four pounds

                                                                  1. hummingbird wings,

                                                                    1. for exactly

                                                                      1. 86 minutes

                                                                        1. Add wine

                                                                          1. Or untill

                                                                            1. Could you define OBNIVORE? It is not in my dictionary and I tried Googling for a definition and can only find OMNIVORE in both sources.

                                                                              Is there something I am just not getting?

                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                              1. re: Candy

                                                                                obnivore is just a word. It doesn't matter if the OP's restaurant is called Restaurant. -- it's the fun of the game that matters.

                                                                              2. wings crispen.

                                                                                1. In a

                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                    large saucepan

                                                                                  2. flambe the

                                                                                    1. kumquats until

                                                                                      2 Replies
                                                                                      1. re: Steve

                                                                                        softened, then

                                                                                        1. re: Steve

                                                                                          add six

                                                                                        2. ostrich eggs

                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                          1. re: melpy

                                                                                            and three

                                                                                          2. free range

                                                                                            1. gummi worms

                                                                                              1. Lightly brown

                                                                                                1. until kerfuddled

                                                                                                  1. reddish orange.

                                                                                                    1. and set

                                                                                                      1. Thinly slice

                                                                                                        1. a lobe

                                                                                                          1. of pig's

                                                                                                            1. Sliced kishke

                                                                                                              1. . To assemble:

                                                                                                                1. gently plotz

                                                                                                                  1. until the

                                                                                                                    1. fugu liver

                                                                                                                      1. pile foam

                                                                                                                        1. turns into

                                                                                                                          1. has become

                                                                                                                            1. partly obviated.

                                                                                                                              1. Turn oven

                                                                                                                                1. to 425,

                                                                                                                                  1. To 1000'

                                                                                                                                    1. and gently

                                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                                      1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                        toss the

                                                                                                                                      2. roasted squab

                                                                                                                                        1. Gently until

                                                                                                                                          1. it caramelizes.

                                                                                                                                            1. Now you

                                                                                                                                              1. start to

                                                                                                                                                1. wear pants

                                                                                                                                                  1. to prevent

                                                                                                                                                    1. Guy Fieri

                                                                                                                                                      1. from grabbing

                                                                                                                                                        1. a huge

                                                                                                                                                          1. baloney and

                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                            1. re: emglow101

                                                                                                                                                              asparagus sandwich.

                                                                                                                                                            2. hitting someone

                                                                                                                                                              1. from Chopped

                                                                                                                                                                1. with a

                                                                                                                                                                  1. sequin purse

                                                                                                                                                                    1. will only

                                                                                                                                                                      1. Help. Then,

                                                                                                                                                                        1. serve the

                                                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: pinehurst

                                                                                                                                                                            Lord. Or

                                                                                                                                                                          2. the carpaccio

                                                                                                                                                                            1. slathered in

                                                                                                                                                                              1. the roe

                                                                                                                                                                                1. of twenty

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. sea urchin.

                                                                                                                                                                                    1. Suddenly, the

                                                                                                                                                                                      1. wind shifted

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. Plate on

                                                                                                                                                                                          1. the backs

                                                                                                                                                                                            1. of unicorns

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. farting mightily.

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. :/
                                                                                                                                                                                                  Well, it was fun while it lasted.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Okay, that's done... what's for dessert?

                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. Mousse of

                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. (I didn't really know what to expect when I posted this game, though I have done similar games elsewhere. Sometimes with kids. Dare I say who is more mature, children or Chowhounds?

                                                                                                                                                                                                      There are always major questions: can people participate in a positive, cooperative manner? Can anyone really come up with insightful suggestions that fulfill the two opposite goals of seroiousness and ridicule? At best I was hoping the creative juices would flow.... and at worst I feared infantile self-aggrandizement.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I was happy to see that things started out well, in fact VERY well. The winners of this game are the 'team' of people who came up with this excellent instruction:

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Then dust finely powdered roast kale, sea salt, and roughly ⅛ pinch of dehydrated ghost peppers over carpaccio."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      WOW, that was fantastic. The "⅛ pinch" was specific enough to sound serious, but the idea was ridiculous at the same time. And that quantity fits so nicely with the ingredient of dehydrated ghost peppers. The reason why this worked so well is that nobody was in a rush to add some kind of ludicrous ingredient without prepositions, quantities, and clarity. Congrats to all who added to that, we got off to a start better than anything I could conjure. That’s’ the beauty of a game like this. The GRAND PRIZE WINNER is ttoommyy who added not only the "⅛ pinch", but finished it off so nicely with "over carpaccio."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      The recipe proceeded nicely with the following:

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Mix two grams of porcini powder with a single drop of concentrated elk tear and repeat, marinate overnight."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Ok, so far we are preheating the deep fryer -not sure to what temperature- we have dusted our carpaccio of penguin liver, the porcini powder is marinating overnight. Then what?

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Uncork the single malt pomegranate vinegar and pour liberally over sliced kumquats."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      That's ok, not great, and we are starting to lose quantities. How many sliced kumquats? Perhaps it’s my fault that I didn't spell out in the OP "there is no ingredient list, everything must be explained. Don't add ingredients without quantities." I start to see a problem: in a rush to add one's own stamp to the recipe, logic is forgotten....

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Than we continue....

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Deep fry four pounds hummingbird wings for exactly 86 minutes, add wine, or until wings crispen."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      We are 'humming' along, awkwardly, but so far so good.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Then I think the wheels start to come off:

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "In a large saucepan, flambé the kumquats until softened, then add six ostrich eggs and three free range gummy worms. Lightly brown until kerfuddled reddish orange and set. Thinly slice a lobe of pig's kishke."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I am not sure if "free range gummy worms" was on purpose. IIRC, there was a lapse between posts, so now we have our first impossible joke ingredient.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I figure it was going to go downhill quickly, and I was right.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "To assemble: gently plotz until the fugu liver pile foam has become partly obviated."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I was hoping we would begin to assemble our carefully constructed recipe, but "gently plotz" is yet another complete joke. Immediately after that, "until the fugu liver" What fugu liver?

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I guess, if there is a lesson here, it doesn't take more than one person to cause others to go off the rails. This is perhaps an important life lesson, no? Haven't I heard that in soccer you are only as good as your worst player?

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Turn oven to 425 and gently toss the roast squab until it caramelizes."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      After that, the posts turn infantile.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Thanks everyone for playing along. It was indeed nice while it lasted, and I think many of you showed an impressive amount of cooperation and ingenuity.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                      11 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Potrzebie, Steve. I AM the least serious player and I would KICK your ass in a game of 43-man squamish, sir - anytime, anywhere. And it's kind of infantile to complain that some people aren't being serious in playing your game of exquisite corpse.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: ratgirlagogo

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Come on. Plotz? Kerfuddled? That's part of some other game that was not being asked to participate here.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: scoopG

                                                                                                                                                                                                            There was always one kid in the neighborhood who could be counted on to throw the ball onto the roof or into a hedge right in the middle of the big game because he or she didn't feel like playing any more.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                                                                              But everyone is missing the real point of this post...

                                                                                                                                                                                                              That I am "The GRAND PRIZE WINNER."

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Now, what do I get?

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: ttoommyy

                                                                                                                                                                                                                When the recipe is finished, I will make it for you. However, I might have to freely substitute some of the more difficult to find ingredients; I'm all out of sea salt.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Ha!

                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: scoopG

                                                                                                                                                                                                              To plotz something is to break it, and kerfuddle is a variant on muddle. Jeez, Melvin.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            3. re: ratgirlagogo

                                                                                                                                                                                                              I see your Potrzebie and raise you a Veeblefetzer.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: ratgirlagogo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                That's more than two words. ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                                More! More!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Just saw this thread. It was fantastic. Laughed and laughed and laughed...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. Gently whipped

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. If anyone really would like to continue, here are the instructions so far. In honor of ratgirlagogo, I have kept the gummi worms, which I think add a nice touch. Thank you for that. But I have eliminated any of the more confusing instructions.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Preheat the Deep Fryer.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Then dust finely powdered roast kale, sea salt, and roughly ⅛ pinch of dehydrated ghost peppers over carpaccio."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Mix two grams of porcini powder with a single drop of concentrated elk tear and repeat, marinate overnight."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Uncork the single malt pomegranate vinegar and pour liberally over sliced kumquats."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Deep fry four pounds hummingbird wings for exactly 86 minutes, add wine, or until wings crispen."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "In a large saucepan, flambé the kumquats until softened, then add six ostrich eggs and three gummi worms. Lightly brown until reddish orange and set."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Thinly slice a lobe of pig's kishke."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "To assemble: …..

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      delete

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Fan kishke

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: greygarious

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        on a

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. platter lined

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. with cholent.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. with sheets

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Steve

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              of phyllo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: LotusRapper

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                assemble cumquats

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. It might be better to just start over. People can read the directions again, reply only to the OP and follow the posts up and down.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. overlapping the