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Nov 13, 2013 08:00 PM

Allergy etiquette question

I'm going to my BF's aunt's house for Thanksgiving. I have a nut allergy.

Last year, she made a stuffing with walnuts and cooked it inside the turkey, rendering it inedible for me. No big deal, I'm not a huge turkey fan and there were more than enough sides to fill me up. She seemed a little distressed that I wasn't able to eat the main dish.

Would it be ruder to have my BF send her an e-mail or FB message to remind her or ruder to not and not be able to eat her food again, assuming she makes the same recipe? If you were hosting, would you want to know, or would you want to make your recipes in peace and not worry about your nephew's girlfriend's allergy?

I'm perfectly happy filling up on side dishes (I tend to like the vegetable dishes more anyway), but I just want to be a good guest. :(

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    1. re: almond tree

      I would definitely remind her as early as possible, but also let her know you are not picky and happy to eat whatever is easiest for her.

    2. I would definitely have your boyfriend tell his aunt. She'd feel much worse if she forgot than she had the first time simply not knowing.
      When I feed people , I want them to enjoy my food, and I don't mind at all having the opportunity to try new recipes.

      1. I think since you will be a more than once guest, I feel it is okay for you or your boyfriend to politely, quietly, let her know that you have nut allergies. Tell her (if you feel this way) you don't want to change her food, it looks lovely, etc, but that is why you aren't eating anything with nuts in it. Cause that would really add to the evening's entertainment, and not in a good way. And then go crazy with the mashed potatoes and all the other good sides.

        I'm a mom of a nut allergic toddler. "but it's just a little bit" from family members drives me Crazy!

        2 Replies
        1. re: autumm

          The worst is honestly my parents! It's a miracle I survived to adulthood...

          My mother freaked out once because she saw me eating a sesame seed bagel, but then gave me a container of pine nut pesto.

          Every holiday, without fail, my dad asks if I will bake him a pecan pie.

        2. Especially since the aunt seemed distressed that you weren't able the eat everything last year, it makes sense to let her know. As you suggest, your bf should add that you are happy with the sides and don't want to put anyone out. Proper etiquette IMO is for your bf to mention it with the caveat for her not to make special accommodations for you and then the proper etiquette for the aunt would be to make some special accommodation. Many times I've made a side meatless stuffing for the girlfriend of a nephew. Always want my guests to be happy.

          1. I would want to know, too. I might make one with and one without nuts if that isn't too much. But for an allergy (or for religious reasons) I would have no issues changing the menu or recipe.

            I would not necessarily change it for the "I don't like _____" person though I might if I had any concern that there wouldn't be enough alternatives.