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My sis won't ever cook for Holidays.

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My sister has never hosted a dinner party or even a lunch party or breakfast party..ever!!. I usually host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners(and this year, I hosted my first seder meal, I am Catholic and my husband's side is Kosher)and my mom does other big and small family meals like birthdays.
I guess this is more of a vent than anything but how do I make my sister host a thanksgiving dinner this year? It's about time! She said she is not interested in cooking and she doesn't like the preparing, cooking and cleaning up. She simply won't do it. I don't think it's fair to me and to my mom. Maybe I won't invite her family this year. ha.

  1. Well a discussion of fairness is certainly appropriate. (assuming she is capable of hosting such an event i.e. not living in a studio apartment)

    After explaining the fairness issue still volunteer to be extremely helpful with the menu items. If she's not use to or a good cook it can be very daunting, so still offer to make and bring a variety of items to help her get over her fears.

    Good luck.

    1. I don't think you can "make" her host. You can ask her to host. Perhaps just providing the space and ordering out is all she is comfortable doing and that is ok.

      1. The funniest part is...she used to be a pastry chef..wahhahaha...and she won't even bake for hoildays!
        Her husband is a chef de cuisine at a hotel and usually works on big holidays..so maybe she doesn't get in the mood.
        they have a house with a capable kitchen so space isn't a problem. I asked her to host but she said she won't...that's her exact words.

        8 Replies
        1. re: Monica

          Could it be that she is resentful that her husband has to work on Thanksgiving so she just deals with it by basically shutting down and doing nothing? Then again, you mention that she doesn't host anything, ever, so maybe that's not it.

          How many people will be at Thanksgiving, assuming somebody will end up hosting? If the number is manageable, why not go out on Thanksgiving, maybe to the hotel dining room where her husband is working?

          1. re: Monica

            Honestly, I don't see why you are making a big fuss. Maybe people who make their living cooking for people all day every (which is long, hard, grueling work) don't want to have to do it in what little free time they have, especially when they have to work holidays? Maybe they get burned out on it? Maybe it's just something they don't enjoy doing? And why is that some horrible character flaw? Different people like different things.

            I am naturally introverted and while I can be social, it's something that drains me. Extroverts derive their energy from being around people, but it zaps mine completely away and I need time to recuperate afterwards. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy the socialization, but it's very draining. Add cooking and cleaning on top of it, plus having a job requiring long hard hours? No thanks. I'm a grown up with a very well defined sense of self. I know that it is not how I prefer to spend my time and I get to choose that for myself. It's the perk of being a grownup, along with buying booze and getting to eat ice cream for breakfast if I darn well please.

            The holidays are not a time of obligation. It's a time of being thankful, enjoying time spent with my friends and family, and relaxing. Some people enjoy being the hosts and some people don't. If no one in the group enjoys being the host, then we find an alternate method - restaurants, or getting together after our own meals just for dessert, or not doing anything on the day of and get together for a movie night the next day. There is no law that says you have to have a big gathering cooking enough food for leftovers for everyone. If that's your fantasy and why you feel obligated to do it, so be it, but you don't get to be mad at other people for not having the same fantasy. Instead of focusing on what other people are or aren't doing, spend more time getting to the root of why you are letting it bother you so much. "It isn't fair" doesn't cut it - it's petulant and you're presumably old enough to realize by now that life isn't fair. If you're resentful because you don't like being the host, but feel obligated and feel like you can't say no because she already has, then explore other options for your gatherings.

                1. re: OhioHound

                  Totally agree, just couldn't think how to say it as well.

                  1. re: amishangst

                    So if you don't mind let me ask you a few questions regarding your very well thought out and explained response.

                    As a self proclaimed "natural introvert" did writing that take any toll on you, or is it just in person, physical interaction with people that "zaps" you. It's obvious in your writing that you are somewhat passionate about the topic, so I was wondering if expressing that passion as clearly as you did was stressing to you knowing dozens or hundreds of people would be reading this and possibly responding.

                    I can completely understand where you are coming from, as an "extreme" extrovert myself I LOVE entertaining and I find it extremely invigorating to serve and entertain people, so I can completely relate to your polar opposite position.

                    Thank you for sharing.

                    **Edit.....oh I can't let your handle go without asking Amish-angst.....please share that story!! lol

                    1. re: jrvedivici

                      Speaking only for myself, the net is easy because I can close the browser anytime I want, or choose to not return to a topic. Once people are in my house it's not so easy or graceful get to them to shut up or leave. And my sister has never hosted TG, but I've hosted it countless times. But the difference is that I like cooking and I'm going to be cooking for my family anyway. The only way I'd eat TG in a restaurant was if I was on vacation at the time.

                2. i'd tell her that you are taking mom out for dinner on thanksgiving.

                  ~~~~~~
                  oooh, she doesn't like cleaning up? well, everyone else just adores it.

                  and she doesn't like preparing or cooking, but i'll bet she doesn't mind eating!

                  how long has she been a self-centered taker?

                  1 Reply
                  1. re: alkapal

                    alkapal sounds like she is speaking about my sister!

                  2. You don't make anybody do anything. Host or don't host.

                    1. I think expecting her to host Tgiving as her very first effort when she has no interest may be a bit much. Certainly you can put your foot down and let her know you need her help (financially, by bringing dishes/wine, and/or with clean up). In fact you could say (ahead of time) 'you'll be on clean up duty - I'll be relaxing with my feet up'. And then do exactly that when the time comes. Maybe over time she'll take on more and develop an interest or sense of duty but I would not expect great results from just expecting her to take over. Depends on how much you care about the results I guess.

                      1. I'm trying to figure out why on earth you would think that going to the home of someone who doesn't like to prepare, cook or clean up would make for an enjoyable dinner. I don't know what's not "fair" about it...is it the money you and/or your mom spends?

                        4 Replies
                        1. re: gourmanda

                          I prepared my first ceder meal this year not because I wanted to but because of my duties as a member of family.

                          1. re: Monica

                            So your point is that you got roped into doing something you didn't want to do and you're bitter about it?

                            1. re: gourmanda

                              No it's not. Not bitter at all. There are times when you have to do things you don't want to do. One can't live and do everything he/she wants.

                              1. re: Monica

                                So you're upset because has different boundaries than you do.

                        2. It sounds like this is your issue, not hers. She has stated that she doesn't like to prep, cook, or clean. That's her choice and her right. You can't make her. If you try to, you are opening yourself to a lot of anger on her part, anger on your part, disappointment, grief, more anger, possibly starting a family feud, etc.

                          So do your own thing. Decide if you want to invite her to your dinners or not. That's about all you can realistically do. But don't expect to have any success trying to force her.

                          Maybe instead you should ask her to either chip in for expenses when you entertain, or bring some luxury desserts or appetizers, nice bottles of wine, spirits, after dinner liqueurs/sherry/port, etc.

                          7 Replies
                            1. re: JMF

                              Of course it's my issue and not hers..i am sure she is ok just saying no, i won't do it.

                              1. re: Monica

                                My sister wouldn't host a holiday to save her life. Wouldn't think to offer to help with anything even if it's not food related. Anything she brings is store bought, hardly ever homemade. She's very generous $$ wise, she will buy whatever I want her to. She doesn't get that it's a lot of work prepping the house, the kitchen, the table setting, the cleanup, the cooking itself. I'm over it!

                                My sister in law is the same way except she won't even offer to buy anything.

                                Have I said I hate the holidays yet? :(

                                1. re: thedryer

                                  The thing is that my sister is pretty stingy too..but honestly, I don't think she knows that she is stingy. I don't think she knows how much prep, money and labor goes into preparing a holiday meal. maybe she is just so used to getting invited that she has no clue, i don't know. A few years ago, she showed up with nothing...usually she brings a bottle of wine her husband brings from his work or free turkey he receives from his work(which i don't need after the thanksgiving). She takes a lot of leftovers which I don't mind..but i just hate hearing, oh, I am going to pack this extra because my husband might like this...oh, my daughter likes this..

                                  1. re: Monica

                                    We probably eat turkey 5 or 6 times a year. Actually, we eat turkey more than that, but we cook whole birds more than just for holidays. Of course Minnesota (where we live) leads the nation in turkey production at almost 50 million birds a year.

                                    1. re: Monica

                                      Can I just say that you need to have a conversation with your sister? All of these things you are saying about her on this thread should be said to her directly. You said you don't mind if she takes home leftovers, but your posts indicate otherwise. If you feel she's clueless, help her get a clue. You should tell her exactly how you feel and let the chips fall where they may. And this is how I would be afterwards...she & her family may be invited to partake in the meal regardless of whether she brings anything or not but under no circumstances would she be taking home an extra meal because her family likes this or that ....with the exception of a plate for the working husband who could not attend....

                                      1. re: Cherylptw

                                        I think the OP is just venting and I totally understand. The things I posted in this thread would be a waste of time to say out loud in my family.

                              2. Why do you want her to other than its "not fair"?
                                <stamp foot>

                                Is it the money? The time? The stress? Cleanup?

                                I think you need to identify the why before you can have a rational/mature conversation. Thanksgiving is a daunting task and if she has *never• hosted a big family meal Thanksgiving doesn't seem like the right place to start, especially in late Oct.

                                How dies your mom feel about it? Is she happy with the status quo or is she feeling taking advantage of by sis?

                                Why not work on why you are so bothered by it and then sit down as family and talk about it. After the holiday you could all have lunch, broach the subject and then divvy up the holidays for next year.

                                2 Replies
                                1. re: foodieX2

                                  Ding Ding Ding!!! We have a winner!!!

                                  1. re: Dinermite

                                    apparently monica *has* talked about it with her sister. apparently the sister doesn't feel she has any family duty to host and apparently monica does feel the sister does have some family duty to host. perhaps monica feels it is not fair to be the one doing all the work year after year after year, with nary a helping hand from the sister. at least that's my take on it.

                                    i know this kind of family member.

                                2. after 35 years of always being a guest, we shamed my brother's wife into hosting Thanksgiving in 1997. We were invited for 1PM, our usual holiday dining time and arrived at her house in the NY suburbs. We entered the house and were told: Don't take your coats off, back to the cars and follow us....
                                  We got back in the cars and 20 of us followed them about 1/2 mile to a Greek Owned Diner. She had made reservations for 1:15 and we were told to order whatever we wanted, we dodn't have to eat turkey.

                                  This was the obnly time in almost 50 years married to my brotherthat SIL hosted a holiday and she couldn't even be bothered having the family in her home.

                                  13 Replies
                                  1. re: bagelman01

                                    Only "liked" your post to empathize. :)

                                    1. re: bagelman01

                                      The next time I invite them, I'd put their plates outside on the deck! (of course, after a while, I'd let them back in :-))

                                      BTW, is the bagelman01 - due to your expertise in bagel making?

                                      1. re: acssss

                                        My first job after college was as the purchasing agent for a large wholesale bagel bakery. I traded wheat and commodity futures. Scheduled railcar movements and such. When I'd call suppliers the telephone operators would announce my calls as coming from the bagelman.

                                        1. re: bagelman01

                                          Got it. I asked because I am from NY and LOVE NYC-style bagels and my husband took a three month bread course at FCI and now makes them at home because no one outside NYC can make them right (actually it's even hard to find old-style wonderful NYC-style bagels in NYC!)

                                      2. re: bagelman01

                                        That is what is known in the business as passive-aggressive...

                                        1. re: medrite

                                          Or in the family as tots on a bull....totally useless

                                          1. re: bagelman01

                                            You can always invite them next time and make a joke like "No soup for you!"

                                        2. re: bagelman01

                                          You shamed the wife -- what about your brother? Does he take any responsibility for hosting his family?

                                          1. re: Tara57

                                            It was a whole family effort to 'shame' bro's wife into hosting. She made an agreement with all the siblings to host Thanksgiving every 5th year, and at the 35 year mark she hadn't honored her commitment once. Bro had honored his commitment to host July 4 or Labor Day BBQ every third year. No shame on his part.
                                            SIL has the nerve to call and ask for entertaining advice for hosting her family for Thanksgiving on more than 10 occasions.
                                            We sibs made an agreement more than 40 years ago as to which person would host what holiday. This meant as the family expanded and in-laws were brought in we could be assured that the entire family could be together for certain holidays in certain predetermined years. Some hosted by women, some hosted by men, some spouses help, some don't. My EX used to ask me what time I was serving Thanksgiving dinner and showed up 10 minutes before, never helped with cleaning, shopping, cooking, etc. BUT she did a full Mother's Day brunch with only minor assistance from me. This SIL just plain reneged on her commitment and showed her contempt for husband's side of the family.

                                          2. re: bagelman01

                                            Wait--you shamed your brother's wife into hosting, not your brother? Bravo to her, I would have all told you all to pound sand!

                                            Incidentally, what's wrong with going out to eat for the holidays? Again, if you want dinner a certain way....make it yourself.

                                            1. re: bagelman01

                                              I think she did exactly the right thing, except she should have then left everyone at the diner and let everyone to pay for their own meals.

                                              No one should be forced to host a dinner, party, etc. if they don't want to.

                                              1. re: bagelman01

                                                Well you sure showed her with that shaming, eh?

                                                1. re: bagelman01

                                                  So you shamed them into hosting and they took everyone out to eat and that wasn't good enough.

                                                2. Every time I read threads about difficulties in hosting holiday meals/gatherings I am thankful. This year will be the 11th year in a row that a cousin is hosting Thanksgiving for our extended family. My cousin and his wife like to entertain and they have a large house. One year there were 63 people who attended and everyone had a place to eat at a table (rented tables and chairs). Every family is assigned a dish to bring. I'm the only one who actually prepares the food at their house. Mashed potatoes don't transport all that well. I bring a huge kettle of potatoes and cook them on a propane burner outside. I've mentioned this on other threads. The most mashed potatoes I've made was 35 pounds. I think 25 pounds is about the way to go this year.

                                                  4 Replies
                                                  1. re: John E.

                                                    Your family sounds awesome! Think they'd notice 1 more person? Ok 2, I'd have to bring my husband. :)

                                                    1. re: John E.

                                                      Your story reminds me of my cheap cousin who owns a mansion...her house is over 6,000 sqft with HUGE modern kitchen..rich as hell but the last time she had a house warming party(apparently to show off her new house), the food was nothing but premade hamburgers and packaged hotdogs from discount store and bags of potato chips. I was telling my mom, why did she need a maid there? Everything was served on plastic plates and spoons.

                                                      1. re: Monica

                                                        My cousin's house is big, but not that big. Does your cousin actually cook in that kitchen?

                                                        1. re: John E.

                                                          I think it sounds fun that everyone brings something!

                                                    2. M,

                                                      Other than not hosting, is she a good member of the family? Does she remember birthdays, help when folks are sick, etc?

                                                      I had an aunt who never ever took cooking duty b/c she hated it. But she brought the family flowers and veggies from her garden every summer, and treated every niece/nephew like gold.

                                                      Choose your battles, dear lady. HUGS to you.

                                                      8 Replies
                                                      1. re: pinehurst

                                                        Come to think of it, I think my sister is just clueless in many ways. It's not that she is a bad person or selfish. She is a good person..but just clueless and senseless.

                                                        1. re: Monica

                                                          As I read these and other posts that complain about family & holiday meals, I keep thinking that Thanksgiving is a time for counting your blessings, and one of life's great blessings is family Many people don't have family members to share Thanksgiving with. Assuming the family relationships are not wholly toxic or dysfunctional, it seems to me that this is a time to view the glass as half full -- or, as Pinehurst says, to pick your battles. Stated otherwise, regardless of whether its fair, if you have the ability to host every year -- in terms of space, cooking skill, time, and money -- you are providing your family and yourself with the gift of time spent together and memories. Enjoy these times while you can.

                                                          If she is a good person, but just clueless, then talk to her in a calm manner about ways in which she can help you out. It could be as simple as asking her to bring enough bottles of wine (rather than just 1) to cover the entire wine consumption for the dinner. Or maybe paying for a cleaning service to come help you tidy up the house a day or 2 in advance, so you don't have to do that too. Or, for her to assume the clean up duties after dinner.

                                                          1. re: masha

                                                            What is interesting about your post is that you mentioned toxic and dysfunctional family relationships. The Thanksgiving scene I described upthread is not as Rockwellian as it appears. The sister of the host will not attend. She has been ostrecized by her brothers. They would say otherwise. It's all about money and inheritance.

                                                            1. re: John E.

                                                              I don't mean to idealize holidays as some sort of Rockwellian experience. I've hosted plenty of holiday celebrations where family tensions simmered below the surface. The OP has described a situation in which she has a sister whom she seems to love but who has traits that really bug her -- sounds like plenty of families I know. The question for the OP is what kind of holiday experience would she like to have: presumably, at a minimum, one that brings pleasure to her mother, who surely would like both of her daughters to attend.

                                                          2. re: Monica

                                                            It's not clueless to not want to host a big family meal. Maybe the holidays just aren't a big deal to her?

                                                            1. re: Monica

                                                              Well Monica , if you are as critical about your sister as you are about the patrons in resturants you dislike but still dine at , in other threads perhaps she doesnt feel it is worth the trouble ?Perhaps she doesn"t feel valued ? Or maybe she really just doesnt feel the need to cook for people who think she is clueless ? Maybe she feels that you will find fault with her cooking just like you find fault with her?

                                                              1. re: Monica

                                                                I think these repeated comments prove the fuss point made upthread was right on.

                                                            2. She said no. Your choice is to carry on as you have, or not invite your sister and her family to the holiday dinners. Which is more important to you?

                                                              1. Do you really want to eat food cooked by someone who was forced to do it? And since I cannot suppress my inner pedantic, I need to point out that in this context, if you are Catholic, your husband is Jewish, although perhaps he observers Kosher dietary laws. Perhaps you should consider converting? I think you've got enough tsuris for it.

                                                                1 Reply
                                                                1. re: Cheflambo

                                                                  actually he doesn't eat kosher at all..he eats everything but my mil does observe...then one year, I hosted a thanksgiving, she was invited..I had to cook a kosher turkey but totally forgot that i can't use meat and dairy product at the same time. I put herbed butter all over the breast of kosher turkey...my mil gobbled it up saying it was the best turkey she has ever had....then it hit me....

                                                                2. Like everyone else said, you can't make her host. Many people find Thanksgiving dinner to be very intimidating. I have an aunt and uncle who never have anyone over for meals, because my aunt panics at the thought of planning a meal, executing it, what happens if something goes wrong, etc.

                                                                  If she doesn't want to prep and clean up, why not ask her if she will host it if you do it potluck style? Or get the meal catered? There's no hard and fast rule that says she must cook. And there's no hard and fast rule that says you should expect her to cook, either.

                                                                  If she still says no, then it's up to you and your mother whether you want to continue hosting and inviting her, or not invite her and let her know why.

                                                                  1. I recognize your post as a rant. My mother insisted on hosting every holiday dinner. She just didn't like the way her own sisters or my father's sister cooked.

                                                                    I have a very good friend who always accepts holiday dinner invitations but never reciprocates. She has a beautiful kitchen, a formal dining room, and a very large kitchen eating area. Prior to living there, she had a condo with a formal dining room. While she will host a potluck dinner or party at her place, she will never host a holiday dinner. At the potluck events she has at her home, she demands that her guests do all the clean up! Her reason for not hosting a dinner is "I don't know how."

                                                                    8 Replies
                                                                    1. re: Kate is always hungry

                                                                      I have a question, is her home impeccable at all times? The clutter and clean up might just drive her nuts. On the other hand, she might be a bit lazy and does not wish to put forth the effort to host.

                                                                      If she says she does not know how to host, does that really mean she is not much of a cook? I have an 87 year old aunt who never enjoyed cooking. The last 35 years if there was ever a family holiday meal at her house her daughter and DILs did everything.

                                                                      1. re: John E.

                                                                        She's never had to cook. She either gets something prepared or fast food. She has eaten mostly every meal reheated by her microwave. Not kidding, by the way.

                                                                        As for visible clutter, there isn't any however, I organized her place about two years ago prior to her having it painted and carpeted. She had stuff that was many years past expiration date in both the pantry and the bathroom. Stuff was just thrown in with no organization at all.

                                                                        She is very organized when it comes to paperwork, though.

                                                                        On balance, I'd say she is lazy when it comes to cooking and cleaning for more than one person.

                                                                        1. re: Kate is always hungry

                                                                          Does she have a family? I always find it fascinating whenever I hear about people who don't cook and wonder how a household can survive if nobody is willing to cook something.

                                                                          1. re: John E.

                                                                            No. Never married, no kids. Her sister and family live out of the country. She willing overpays for "convenience" foods such as instant oatmeal packets instead of making oatmeal.

                                                                            My brother and I had BBQ dinner at her place Sunday. My brother, the cue master extraordinaire was at the grill. I had to prepare the sides. Diana set the table with her finest plastic plates and red cups.

                                                                            By the time dinner was on the table, my brother was doubled over in pain from a kidney stone. He couldn't eat his dinner and asked to be taken to the ER. I finished mine in a hurry and wrapped up his to go.

                                                                            Don't think she didn't make a comment about us leaving before washing the dishes! The dishes were the steak platter, the vegetable serving bowl, two BBQ utensils, and three knives and forks. It probably took me longer to compose and type that last sentence than it did to wash the dishes!

                                                                              1. re: Kate is always hungry

                                                                                I am assuming your Aunt is older than you by a few years ?Sometimes as one gets older ,.simple chores become physically , mentally or emotionally daunting .What seems like nothing to you , could be traumatizing to her . Especially if she is not used to being around others for meals . I for instance have recently experienced health problems that make it a challenge to get one dirty dish to the sink ! And again she doesnt like to cook so people cooking in her house was not a pleasant experience to her , it was unsettling and in her mind caused her extra work . Dont be so dismissive of her paper plates , perhaps she too cannot grip things that are heavy in her hands such as china plates.

                                                                                1. re: saltylady

                                                                                  John E. was referring to his 87 year old aunt. My post is about my friend who is 2 years younger than I am. I've known her since she was in her mid 20s and she was like that even then. Any time she has guests she expects, no demands, they clean up.

                                                                                  Wishing you speedy and complete relief from your health problems!

                                                                                  1. re: Kate is always hungry

                                                                                    I'm curious, when she "demands" that guests clean up.....do they do it?Do they return? I'm of the mindset that people "get away" with certain behavior because others accommodate it.

                                                                      2. I agree with others that said that you can't make her host and why would you want to make someone host if they don't want to? If it's a matter of the cost to you since holiday dinners can get pretty costly, perhaps she could contribute some money?

                                                                        1. I have never figured out if I'm lucky or if I've been unfortunate. Since I was 19 years old, I have never lived in the same state as any of my family members. My two sons were raised with very quiet holidays, and are now grown and off on their own across the country. This Thanksgiving, DH and I will be happily joining our close friends at their home, as we did last year.

                                                                          No, we don't have holiday angst, and the meals are always delicious. Is that better than the alternative? I've never known what it's like to have family near, as we moved often as I grew up, too. As I said before, I don't know if we're blessed or unfortunate, but we've always made our holidays as nice as we can for ourselves, and have had good friends to share with when we could.

                                                                          Perhaps a look from this side of the situation will give the OP a different perspective on her problem.

                                                                          1. You can't make your sister host Thanksgiving dinner this year. So don't invite her. Yeah, that'll teach her!

                                                                            Do you want to create a permanent family rift over this? Your sister has made her wishes known and you think it isn't fair that she gets away with it. Is this a younger sister by any chance? (Don't answer, that is a rhetorical question, I have no intention of being an armchair psychologist here.)

                                                                            If it bothers you always being the hostess, stop being the hostess. But demanding that others step in and "do their fair share" doesn't even work when you're president of the united states, thought that doesn't stop people from trying.

                                                                            1. Some of you people are overacting...i guess that's just part of internet talking to strangers. I am not bitter and I am not being a big fuss so stop being bitter and make a big fuss about my story. Stop criticizing like you know me and my situations. I honestly think people enjoy reading about people criticizing others. I guess that's the human nature.

                                                                              5 Replies
                                                                              1. re: Monica

                                                                                Monica, you are the one who decided to vent here in a public forum. In doing so you expected and elicited comments. People are reacting to what you wrote. Now you are upset when people respond? Maybe you need to look closer at what you wrote, and how you feel.

                                                                                1. re: Monica

                                                                                  LOL, you must be joking. Your numerous other posts prove otherwise. And no one would be commenting on your posts if you hadn't started this thread criticizing your sisters choice to not host. Do you not see the irony here? Reread your posts, you called your sister, stingy, senseless and clueless.

                                                                                  1. re: Monica

                                                                                    Monica - as time goes on, you learn who on CH are people who over-react and love to criticize, those who try to pick a fight with everyone and those who are know-it-alls and like to lecture everyone.
                                                                                    There are many of us who know how to take a joke, know how to read things as they are - and just use this site for enjoyment/entertainment.
                                                                                    Don't let a few bad apples spoil your enjoyment of this site.

                                                                                    1. re: Monica

                                                                                      We only know "you and your situation" so much as you write about it. If you want to vent about/criticize your sister and not have anyone comment on that, perhaps a blog with a locked comments section is a better forum for you?

                                                                                      1. re: Monica

                                                                                        Monica, there is someone like your sister in every family, either a blood relation or an inlaw. If you need to grow up and suck it up and everything else, so do I. I'm not a counselor in real life, but I play one on Chowhound. :-)

                                                                                        I understand about needing a safe place to vent.

                                                                                        You can't make your sister host this year...or any year. But I would not be shy about asking her to bring something other than wine, especially if it's something you don't love to cook. What's the worst she can do? Say no?

                                                                                        And if she did bring something, I'd make it a point to praise it publicly---"Didn't Lilith bring the most DELICIOUS apple pie? Thank you Lilith!" Not over the top praise, but sincere and public.

                                                                                        Also...about leftovers....those were SACRED in my house, growing up. I wouldn't feel the least bit of angst about making sure my husband and I (and my mom, were she still with us) had our faves squirreled away before anyone got to say "Oh my daughter might like this"

                                                                                      2. No one is making you host if you don't want to.

                                                                                        1. Ah the holiday season. When all family dysfunction, discord and stress spill out. Don't you love it.

                                                                                          1. People people people.....c'mon....Monica said in the original post "I guess this is more of a vent than anything...." she said she's venting, let her vent!

                                                                                            This is nothing more than the culmination of years of sibling rivalry between her and her sister, let me tell you a few things you should know before judging Monica;

                                                                                            1984 Monica and her sister both got Easy Bake Ovens. Her sister over stuffed her oven, putting all the pies in at once, and burned out her light. When Monica went to sleep her sister switched bulbs, then told her parents Monica broke her Christmas gift.

                                                                                            1992 Her sister told her to vote for Bill Clinton, Monica did then her sister told her she was only joking.

                                                                                            1995 Monica's sister was low on gas and took Monica's car to get a pack of smokes, her sister hit a car in the parking lot and took off, but the security camera recorded her plate as she left. Monica received the summons in the mail and had to pay a $500. fine. Her sister denied using the car.

                                                                                            1999/2000 New Years Eve- Her sister told her one of her sisters friends was having a Prince Themed "Party Like It's 1999" costume party. Monica learned how to ride a motor cycle, spent $500. getting her hair curled and teased, rented a Purple Valor suit and hired a Appolonia look alike, only to show up at the party and find out there was no theme.

                                                                                            2005 Her sister convinced her to buy all new software for her computer because of the little known Y2K & 1/2 computer glitch.

                                                                                            2007 Her sister thought it would be great to get matching tattoo's of their names. Since it was her sisters idea she let her take care of the details, in which her sister told the artist her name was Gretchen, and while Monica went into the room for the tat her sister took off.

                                                                                            2010 Her sister convinced her that Peyton Manning and the Colts would destroy The Saints in the Super Bowl. Monica sold all her worldly possessions and rented the Penthouse Suite in Cesars Palace in Vegas spending her sure win. (The Colts Lost) There is another tattoo story associated with this trip, but we won't get into details.

                                                                                            2013 Her sister refuses to cook Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner even though 6 month ago while at happy hour her sister said she owe's Monica for the Easy Bake Oven incident of 1984, but alas she backs out.

                                                                                            Now can we cut her some slack?

                                                                                            1. Folks, this is one of those questions that are more about the relationship than about anything to do with food and since it involves judging other people's behavior, it's not going well. We're going to lock it now.