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Food jokes - list

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New wife: The best things I cook are meat loaf and peach cobbler.
Her husband : Which is this?

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  1. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar
    Bartender looks them over and says "Hey you two get the heck outta here!!"
    Stunned by this greeting bacon and eggs pause and bacon says "Why what's the matter?"
    Bartender looks back and responds "We don't serve breakfast in here!!"

    2 Replies
    1. re: jrvedivici

      Little while later a mushroom walks in and orders a beer.
      Bartender looks him over and says "Hey get the heck outta here!!"
      Stunned by this greeting, mushroom says "Why what's the matter?"
      Bartender looks back and responds "We don't serve food in here!!"
      So the mushroom says, "But I'm a fungi!"

      1. re: porker

        Meanwhile, Chantarelle and Portobello are scoping out the place through the window, deciding if they should come in. Chantarelle asks, "Do you see any open tables?"
        Portobello replies, "No, there isn't mush-room."

    2. Q: What do cats call mice on little teeny tiny rollerskates?
      A: Meals on Wheels.

      1. The Amorous, Persistent Melon Gets Turned Down by his Girl

        "I cantaloupe with you."
        "Oh, honeydew!"

        1 Reply
        1. re: pinehurst

          Did the rejection make him meloncholy?

          I think there was a song "in the old days" spoofing "Come To Me My Melancholy Baby" and was a tribute to this branch of the cucurbita family.

        2. Guy pulls up to a farm and is greeted by a 3 legged pig. He asks the farmer what happened to the pig. Farmer says there was a fire in the house awhile back, pig came in, woke everyone up and saved the family.
          "Thats how he lost a leg?"
          "No. But I'll tell you, another time I was huntin and the pig followed along. Bear came out and attacked me. That there pig run the bear off. If it weren't for him, surely I'd be a goner"
          "So thats how he lost a leg, the bear?"
          "No..."
          "Well howd he lose it?"
          "I tell ya, a pig that good, you don't eat all at once!"

          2 Replies
          1. re: porker

            This is one of my favorite jokes. An actor of my acquaintance tells it, and it's a good bit longer, but done in such high style and with such fine accents that it's a scream. He states the last line very matter of factly: "Well, hell, a pig that great you wouldn't wanna eat all at once't."

            1. re: porker

              So sad! I need to stop watching that damn Chipotle ad. I am seriously contemplating swearing off meat.

            2. Arranged marriages, the first date.
              The boy: Do you think that you will learn to love me ?
              The girl: I don't see why not. I learned to like spinach.