HOME > Chowhound > Not About Food >
Are you making a specialty food? Tell us about it
TELL US

Food jokes - list

v
Vinnie Vidimangi Sep 15, 2013 10:13 PM

Let's start

New wife: The best things I cook are meat loaf and peach cobbler.
Her husband : Which is this?

  1. jrvedivici Sep 16, 2013 06:00 AM

    Bacon and eggs walk into a bar
    Bartender looks them over and says "Hey you two get the heck outta here!!"
    Stunned by this greeting bacon and eggs pause and bacon says "Why what's the matter?"
    Bartender looks back and responds "We don't serve breakfast in here!!"

    2 Replies
    1. re: jrvedivici
      porker Sep 16, 2013 07:46 AM

      Little while later a mushroom walks in and orders a beer.
      Bartender looks him over and says "Hey get the heck outta here!!"
      Stunned by this greeting, mushroom says "Why what's the matter?"
      Bartender looks back and responds "We don't serve food in here!!"
      So the mushroom says, "But I'm a fungi!"

      1. re: porker
        s
        seamunky Sep 19, 2013 09:46 AM

        Meanwhile, Chantarelle and Portobello are scoping out the place through the window, deciding if they should come in. Chantarelle asks, "Do you see any open tables?"
        Portobello replies, "No, there isn't mush-room."

    2. LindaWhit Sep 16, 2013 07:40 AM

      Q: What do cats call mice on little teeny tiny rollerskates?
      A: Meals on Wheels.

      1. pinehurst Sep 16, 2013 07:44 AM

        The Amorous, Persistent Melon Gets Turned Down by his Girl

        "I cantaloupe with you."
        "Oh, honeydew!"

        1 Reply
        1. re: pinehurst
          v
          Vinnie Vidimangi Sep 16, 2013 08:20 AM

          Did the rejection make him meloncholy?

          I think there was a song "in the old days" spoofing "Come To Me My Melancholy Baby" and was a tribute to this branch of the cucurbita family.

        2. porker Sep 16, 2013 07:53 AM

          Guy pulls up to a farm and is greeted by a 3 legged pig. He asks the farmer what happened to the pig. Farmer says there was a fire in the house awhile back, pig came in, woke everyone up and saved the family.
          "Thats how he lost a leg?"
          "No. But I'll tell you, another time I was huntin and the pig followed along. Bear came out and attacked me. That there pig run the bear off. If it weren't for him, surely I'd be a goner"
          "So thats how he lost a leg, the bear?"
          "No..."
          "Well howd he lose it?"
          "I tell ya, a pig that good, you don't eat all at once!"

          2 Replies
          1. re: porker
            jmckee Sep 16, 2013 09:19 AM

            This is one of my favorite jokes. An actor of my acquaintance tells it, and it's a good bit longer, but done in such high style and with such fine accents that it's a scream. He states the last line very matter of factly: "Well, hell, a pig that great you wouldn't wanna eat all at once't."

            1. re: porker
              melpy Sep 17, 2013 10:45 AM

              So sad! I need to stop watching that damn Chipotle ad. I am seriously contemplating swearing off meat.

            2. v
              Vinnie Vidimangi Sep 16, 2013 08:29 AM

              Arranged marriages, the first date.
              The boy: Do you think that you will learn to love me ?
              The girl: I don't see why not. I learned to like spinach.

              1. Paprikaboy Sep 16, 2013 10:30 AM

                I went to my favourite Indian restaurant yesterday and had trouble choosing what to eat. The waiter suggested chicken Tarka.
                What's that I asked. Well he said it's like chicken tikka but it's a little otter.

                1. TroyTempest Sep 16, 2013 10:42 AM

                  Husband: What's for dinner tonight?
                  Wife: Chicken Napoleon
                  Husband: What's Chicken Napoleon?
                  Wife: All the Boney-Parts

                  courtesy of my 8th grade history teacher. RIP.

                  1 Reply
                  1. re: TroyTempest
                    LindaWhit Sep 16, 2013 10:58 AM

                    OK, I giggled at that one. :-)

                  2. porker Sep 16, 2013 12:24 PM

                    Three couples are eating a feast when one man tries to impress the others with his eloquence. He turns to his wie and says
                    "Pass the sugar, my sweet."
                    Second man does not want to be outdone; he turns to his wife and says
                    "Pass the gnocci, my litle dumpling."
                    Third man breaks out in a sweat as he too does not want to be outdone. Stammering, he turns to his wife and says
                    "Pass the pork you pig."

                    1. w
                      WNYamateur Sep 17, 2013 10:04 AM

                      I may have read this on another thread, but it's become one of my favorites:

                      Four men in their 40s are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because they like waitresses' cleavage in their costumes.

                      10 years pass. The same four men, now in their 50s, are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because they like the wine list.

                      10 years pass. The same four men, now in their 60s, are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because it's quiet on a weeknight and they won't be disturbed.

                      10 years pass. The same four men, now in their 70s, are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because there's a good early-bird menu.

                      10 years pass. The same four men, now in their 80s, are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because they've never been there before.

                      8 Replies
                      1. re: WNYamateur
                        suzigirl Sep 17, 2013 12:13 PM

                        Love it!

                        1. re: WNYamateur
                          Robin Joy Sep 18, 2013 12:43 PM

                          10 years pass. The same four men, now in their 90s, are picking a restaurant for dinner. They pick the German place because they like the waitresses' cleavage in their costumes.

                          1. re: WNYamateur
                            Delucacheesemonger Sep 18, 2013 12:47 PM

                            Love it too.

                            1. re: WNYamateur
                              EWSflash Sep 18, 2013 07:36 PM

                              I sent my mother-in-law the female version of this joke the year she turned 80. Her two-word reply

                              NOT FUNNY

                              I'm hoping it was a joke because she has all her marbles, plus more that most folks don't have.

                              1. re: WNYamateur
                                EWSflash Sep 26, 2013 06:34 PM

                                I sent my beloved mother-in-law tha joke after she turned 80- her reply was

                                NOT FUNNY

                                1. re: EWSflash
                                  r
                                  ricepad Sep 26, 2013 09:19 PM

                                  That is one, long, slow stutter you have there.

                                  1. re: ricepad
                                    g
                                    gourmanda Oct 3, 2013 11:47 AM

                                    Took a minute, but that is hilarious ricepad!

                                    1. re: ricepad
                                      Delucacheesemonger Oct 3, 2013 02:23 PM

                                      Best joke on the page.

                                2. j
                                  Jerzeegirl Sep 17, 2013 11:10 AM

                                  And we can never forget the ever popular (and very old) one:
                                  Customer: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
                                  Waiter: The backstroke, sir.

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: Jerzeegirl
                                    jmckee Sep 18, 2013 08:41 AM

                                    In Mel Brooks' "Silent Movie" there's a moment when an exterminating truck rounds a corner and the giant fly on top tears off, sails to the sidewalk, and lands in the soup at a nearby outdoor café. The diner is Henny Youngman, who beckons and says only [via title card], "Oh waiter......}

                                  2. a
                                    amazinc Sep 17, 2013 12:02 PM

                                    And Miss Piggy's sage advice...."Never eat more than you can lift."

                                    17 Replies
                                    1. re: amazinc
                                      cayjohan Sep 17, 2013 12:39 PM

                                      You've reminded me of the inimitable B. Kliban's "Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head." If we can extend the jokes to the visual medium, Kliban made a lot of wonderful cartoons with food themes.

                                      1. re: cayjohan
                                        gingershelley Sep 18, 2013 09:11 AM

                                        Creamed Kitty on toast!

                                        1. re: gingershelley
                                          cayjohan Sep 18, 2013 11:22 AM

                                          Our family's favorite (and, I suppose, a riff off VV's OP) is "How to tell a cat from a meatloaf."

                                          An aside: my husband practically worships B. Kliban, and that was *click* number one on our first date. I subsequently made him a meatloaf dinner. A B. Kliban meatloaf. He asked me to marry him on the spot. (I made him ask a few more times, honestly, as I didn't want to think that it was just a meatloaf with ears and a tail that did it.) And yes, when a meatloaf gets made around here, it typically has ears. Ah, I feel a meatloaf coming on...

                                           
                                          1. re: gingershelley
                                            EWSflash Sep 26, 2013 06:36 PM

                                            The cat blues singer, singing-

                                            "Love to eat them mousies
                                            Mousies what I love to eat
                                            Bite they little heads off,
                                            Nibble on they tiny feet"

                                            1. re: EWSflash
                                              k
                                              kcshigekawa Oct 3, 2013 02:57 PM

                                              I gave a friend a poster of that one, to celebrate her divorce; her ex had recently become a vegetarian, and my friend was a dedicated omnivore.

                                            2. re: gingershelley
                                              eclecticsynergy Oct 13, 2013 02:44 AM

                                              And of course that longtime Chinese restaurant favorite, Kitten Chow Mein...

                                               
                                              1. re: eclecticsynergy
                                                a
                                                Augieang Oct 13, 2013 07:40 AM

                                                Kung Pao Kitty!

                                                1. re: Augieang
                                                  LotusRapper Oct 18, 2013 04:20 PM

                                                  And this old one:

                                                  http://www.peeniewallie.com/images201...

                                                  1. re: LotusRapper
                                                    eclecticsynergy Oct 19, 2013 04:03 PM

                                                    Getting a prompt that link is forbidden. Could you post the image?

                                                    1. re: eclecticsynergy
                                                      LotusRapper Oct 19, 2013 06:12 PM

                                                      Ooops, sorry. Here:

                                                       
                                                      1. re: LotusRapper
                                                        eclecticsynergy Oct 27, 2013 11:48 PM

                                                        Next cookie, courtesy of the management...

                                                         
                                                        1. re: eclecticsynergy
                                                          LotusRapper Oct 29, 2013 10:12 PM

                                                          http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit...

                                            3. re: cayjohan
                                              EWSflash Sep 18, 2013 07:37 PM

                                              Is he still out there publishing? I don't haunt the card shops like I used to, but i've always loved him

                                              1. re: EWSflash
                                                cayjohan Sep 19, 2013 09:47 AM

                                                Kliban died in 1990; it appears that most of his books are out of print. I've got most of them - what treasures they are! It's a rare day around here that someone doesn't find a place to slip in a Kliban-of-the-Day. Ordering in a restaurant always makes me think of this one:

                                                ETA: can't seem to load photo; retrying.

                                                1. re: cayjohan
                                                  cayjohan Sep 19, 2013 09:49 AM

                                                  Won't seem to work. The text is:

                                                  "I'll have the gazpacho, leeks vinaigrette,marinated zucchini, orange mousse, a bottle of Côtes du Rhône Rouge '59, and bring some shit for my fly."

                                                   
                                                2. re: EWSflash
                                                  f
                                                  FishTales Sep 19, 2013 02:03 PM

                                                  With a bit of patience his books aren't too hard to find online (Amazon, eBay, AbeBooks, &c) or at bricks & mortar stores. Just like tracking down good places to eat, part of the fun's in the search, or so I tell myself, til it drags on too long...

                                                  Cheers!

                                                3. re: cayjohan
                                                  jmckee Sep 19, 2013 09:11 AM

                                                  I Would LIke Some Spa Ghe Ti And Pork Please.

                                              2. Gastronomos Sep 17, 2013 01:57 PM

                                                the biggest joke

                                                 
                                                3 Replies
                                                1. re: Gastronomos
                                                  Paprikaboy Sep 17, 2013 02:06 PM

                                                  WTH is pasteurized process topping?
                                                  Are they marketing this as food or some sort of DIY product?

                                                  1. re: Gastronomos
                                                    s
                                                    sandylc Sep 18, 2013 01:07 PM

                                                    We call this tire patching material.

                                                    1. re: Gastronomos
                                                      EWSflash Sep 26, 2013 06:39 PM

                                                      I was reading a food service magazine that I'd fund. There was an ad for something like this, the subtitle said (I can see it to this day)- "Colorful shreds add the appearance of cheese to your salad bar"

                                                    2. s
                                                      Steve Sep 18, 2013 11:20 AM

                                                      New Yorker cartoon.

                                                      Etched on the glass door at a university office:

                                                      Department of Foreign Languages
                                                      French
                                                      Russian
                                                      Italian
                                                      Creamy Italian

                                                      1 Reply
                                                      1. re: Steve
                                                        eclecticsynergy Oct 13, 2013 03:05 AM

                                                        "I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians."

                                                        - Pat McNelis

                                                      2. s
                                                        susan1353 Sep 18, 2013 12:32 PM

                                                        Two muffins are baking in an oven.

                                                        One of the muffins says, "Man, is it hot in here."

                                                        The other muffin says, "Holy Moly!! A talking muffin!"

                                                        1. j
                                                          josephnl Sep 18, 2013 01:10 PM

                                                          My favorite is the classic from the film "When Harry Met Sally".

                                                          Sally and Harry are dining at Katz's Delicatessan on the lower east side of NYC when Sally (Meg Ryan) very loudly and with much drama spends about 5 minutes faking an orgasm. Immediately thereafter a much older woman sitting at an adjacent table places her order..."I'll have what she's having!".

                                                          See: http://m.youtube.com/watch?autoplay=1...

                                                          1 Reply
                                                          1. re: josephnl
                                                            eclecticsynergy Oct 17, 2013 07:35 PM

                                                            Interesting bit of trivia- the older lady is played by Rob Reiner's mom.

                                                          2. a
                                                            Augieang Sep 19, 2013 09:53 AM

                                                            Why is it you can pop corn but can't pee ( pea) soup?

                                                            3 Replies
                                                            1. re: Augieang
                                                              boyzoma Oct 20, 2013 05:11 AM

                                                              Kind of along the lines of: Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?

                                                              1. re: boyzoma
                                                                porker Oct 20, 2013 06:34 AM

                                                                Which has nothing to do with the question
                                                                "why is there an interstate highway in Hawaii?"

                                                                1. re: porker
                                                                  eclecticsynergy Oct 27, 2013 11:53 PM

                                                                  Or the airline that advertised "All our flights from California to Hawaii are now nonstop." I definitely wouldn't have wanted to be on a flight that landed somewhere in between!

                                                            2. suzigirl Sep 19, 2013 10:01 AM

                                                              What did the baby chick say to the mama hen when she was trying to hatch an orange? "Look at the orange marmalade." Get it? Teehee.

                                                              1 Reply
                                                              1. re: suzigirl
                                                                l
                                                                ludmilasdaughter Sep 24, 2013 01:48 PM

                                                                Ha! Took a sec, but I got it!

                                                              2. Robin Joy Sep 19, 2013 12:31 PM

                                                                Q: What's green and invisible?

                                                                A: This cabbage.

                                                                (Hold out empty hand)

                                                                4 Replies
                                                                1. re: Robin Joy
                                                                  cayjohan Sep 19, 2013 01:22 PM

                                                                  My kids always loved: " What's invisible and smells like carrots?" Answer: "Bunny breath."

                                                                  Their favored answer, of course, was "bunny farts," but after far too many fart jokes to count, I convinced them to branch out.

                                                                  1. re: cayjohan
                                                                    porker Sep 19, 2013 01:53 PM

                                                                    Can you really have too many fart jokes?

                                                                    1. re: porker
                                                                      r
                                                                      ricepad Sep 19, 2013 04:28 PM

                                                                      Not at the ricepad pad.

                                                                    2. re: cayjohan
                                                                      eclecticsynergy Oct 13, 2013 03:09 AM

                                                                      What did one snowman say to the other?

                                                                      You're right- I smell carrots too!

                                                                  2. mtlcowgirl Sep 21, 2013 01:40 PM

                                                                    Wife: I want to go someplace I've never been before.
                                                                    Husband: How about the kitchen?

                                                                    1. suzigirl Sep 21, 2013 06:47 PM

                                                                      What do computers eat for snacks? Micro-chips.

                                                                      1. s
                                                                        seamunky Sep 23, 2013 08:19 AM

                                                                        What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

                                                                        He got a little behind in his work!

                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                        1. re: seamunky
                                                                          LindaWhit Sep 23, 2013 08:49 AM

                                                                          How very Sweeney Todd of you. :-P

                                                                        2. c
                                                                          cookingschool Sep 23, 2013 12:01 PM

                                                                          Q: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

                                                                          A: Close the door. Don't you know I'm dressing?!

                                                                          6 Replies
                                                                          1. re: cookingschool
                                                                            cronker Sep 23, 2013 10:08 PM

                                                                            Actually saw this one on here just recently. Gave me a chuckle.

                                                                            Q: how can you tell when one of your guests is a vegan?
                                                                            A: don't worry, they'll let you know!

                                                                            1. re: cronker
                                                                              chris2269 Sep 23, 2013 10:13 PM

                                                                              I like that one

                                                                              1. re: cronker
                                                                                porker Sep 24, 2013 06:52 AM

                                                                                Subtle and in-your-face at the same time.
                                                                                Likey!

                                                                                1. re: cronker
                                                                                  Motosport Sep 24, 2013 07:48 AM

                                                                                  Vegans, the Hezbollah of vegetarians!

                                                                                  1. re: Motosport
                                                                                    s
                                                                                    sandylc Sep 24, 2013 10:47 AM

                                                                                    I once had a vegan drop in unexpectedly for Thanksgiving after we had already begun eating.

                                                                                    I leapt up and steamed some veggies quickly, and offered him some of the baguette that I happened to have - you know, baguette = no dairy or eggs.

                                                                                    He said, "What's baguette?"

                                                                                    1. re: Motosport
                                                                                      v
                                                                                      Vinnie Vidimangi Sep 26, 2013 11:43 AM

                                                                                      The Dine Cossacks

                                                                                2. s
                                                                                  seamunky Sep 24, 2013 01:13 PM

                                                                                  Two peanuts were walking through Central Park at night. One was a salted.

                                                                                  1. c
                                                                                    Clams047 Sep 26, 2013 02:49 PM

                                                                                    Two coworkers-

                                                                                    1st coworker asks the other "What's the difference between sex and a chicken salad sandwich?"

                                                                                    2nd replies " I don't know."

                                                                                    1st coworker says "Are you available for lunch on Friday?"

                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                    1. re: Clams047
                                                                                      s
                                                                                      Steve Sep 26, 2013 06:21 PM

                                                                                      That joke is funny no matter how many times you hear it.

                                                                                    2. suzigirl Sep 28, 2013 02:35 PM

                                                                                      Why do most fish live in salt water?
                                                                                      Because they are allergic to pepper.

                                                                                      1. suzigirl Sep 28, 2013 02:47 PM

                                                                                        Why are cornfields good listeners?
                                                                                        They're all ears.

                                                                                        1. suzigirl Sep 28, 2013 02:49 PM

                                                                                          A farmer was walking in the pumpkin patch when he saw one lonely green pumpkin. He asked the pumpkin "why orange you orange?"

                                                                                          1. suzigirl Sep 30, 2013 04:01 PM

                                                                                            What did the hot dog say when he won the contest?
                                                                                            I'm the weiner!

                                                                                            1. s
                                                                                              seamunky Oct 3, 2013 10:50 AM

                                                                                              Why did the french chef serve only one single egg?

                                                                                              Because one egg is "un oeuf".

                                                                                              1. porker Oct 3, 2013 11:05 AM

                                                                                                A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar…tender here?”

                                                                                                1. b
                                                                                                  Bkeats Oct 7, 2013 02:12 PM

                                                                                                  This will be a bit long.

                                                                                                  A tourist in Spain goes to a restaurant and asks for the specialty of the house. The waiter brings a plate on which there are two large meaty balls covered with a wonderful sauce.

                                                                                                  The tourist finishes the dish and calls the waiter over. He tells the waiter that the dish was one of the best things he has eaten and wanted to know what it was.

                                                                                                  The waiter say "cojones."

                                                                                                  The tourist asks "What's that?"

                                                                                                  "Bull testicles" the waiter replies.

                                                                                                  At first the tourist is shocked, but on reflection, recalling how wonderful the dish was he gets over his shock.

                                                                                                  So the next day the tourist returns to the restaurant and proclaims that he will have the cojones again.

                                                                                                  When the dish comes this time, instead of two large meaty balls, there are two much smaller shriveled balls on the plate. The tourist is a bit puzzled. He eats the dish and calls the waiter over when he's done.

                                                                                                  He asks the waiter "Yesterday when I came and had the cojones, they were big and meaty. Today they're much smaller and scrawny. What happened?"

                                                                                                  The waiter shrugs and says "The bull doesn't always lose."

                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                  1. re: Bkeats
                                                                                                    porker Oct 8, 2013 06:19 AM

                                                                                                    Interestingly, I heard the punch line as

                                                                                                    The waiter shrugs and says "The matador doesn't always win."

                                                                                                    Somewhat related to food&drink....
                                                                                                    A seal walks into a bar.
                                                                                                    Bartender asks "what'll you have?"
                                                                                                    The seal replies "Anything but Canadian Club."

                                                                                                  2. m
                                                                                                    mwk Oct 8, 2013 01:49 PM

                                                                                                    How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
                                                                                                    You can find his footprints in the butter...

                                                                                                    Why are chefs so cruel?
                                                                                                    Because they beat their eggs and whip their cream

                                                                                                    For a 9 yo boy, those were hysterical....

                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                    1. re: mwk
                                                                                                      porker Oct 9, 2013 06:17 AM

                                                                                                      ...whats green with red all over?
                                                                                                      a frog in a blender.

                                                                                                    2. 4
                                                                                                      4X4 Oct 10, 2013 11:31 AM

                                                                                                      Why don't lobsters share their toys?

                                                                                                      They're shellfish.

                                                                                                      1. eclecticsynergy Oct 13, 2013 05:12 AM

                                                                                                        Some favorite food quotes:

                                                                                                        When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, "Four. I don’t think I could eat eight." - Yogi Berra

                                                                                                        "I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food."
                                                                                                        - W.C. Fields

                                                                                                        "Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!"
                                                                                                        -- Tommy Smothers

                                                                                                        "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are."
                                                                                                        -- Matt Lauer

                                                                                                        "My doctor advised me to stop ordering intimate dinners for four unless there were three other people."
                                                                                                        -- Orson Welles

                                                                                                        "I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy!"
                                                                                                        -- Tommy Cooper

                                                                                                        "Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."
                                                                                                        -- Mike Kalin

                                                                                                        "The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
                                                                                                        -- Julia Child

                                                                                                        "Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
                                                                                                        -- Fran Lebowitz

                                                                                                        "If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?"
                                                                                                        -- Stephen Wright

                                                                                                        "Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat."
                                                                                                        - Jim Davis

                                                                                                        "We've got another word for sushi where I come from... We call it bait."
                                                                                                        -- Jeff Foxworthy

                                                                                                         
                                                                                                        1. porker Oct 13, 2013 12:17 PM

                                                                                                          Two cannibals are eating a clown.
                                                                                                          One turns to the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

                                                                                                          1. 4
                                                                                                            4X4 Oct 18, 2013 04:49 AM

                                                                                                            Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

                                                                                                            Because it felt crumby.

                                                                                                            1. boredough Oct 18, 2013 05:53 AM

                                                                                                              A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

                                                                                                              Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

                                                                                                              The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

                                                                                                              Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

                                                                                                              She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

                                                                                                              He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

                                                                                                              "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

                                                                                                              He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh...

                                                                                                              "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

                                                                                                              6 Replies
                                                                                                              1. re: boredough
                                                                                                                w
                                                                                                                WNYamateur Oct 18, 2013 06:58 AM

                                                                                                                i heard this as a Blonde joke - no less PC than an old lady, right?

                                                                                                                1. re: WNYamateur
                                                                                                                  boredough Oct 18, 2013 07:14 AM

                                                                                                                  yes...they both work! You reminded me of a food-related video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wC6XR...

                                                                                                                  1. re: boredough
                                                                                                                    Delucacheesemonger Oct 18, 2013 07:24 AM

                                                                                                                    LOL,Thanks for that

                                                                                                                    1. re: Delucacheesemonger
                                                                                                                      v
                                                                                                                      Vinnie Vidimangi Oct 18, 2013 07:59 AM

                                                                                                                      A waste of bandwidth, but me too!

                                                                                                                      1. re: Vinnie Vidimangi
                                                                                                                        boredough Oct 18, 2013 10:08 AM

                                                                                                                        glad you both got a chuckle!

                                                                                                                    2. re: boredough
                                                                                                                      eclecticsynergy Oct 19, 2013 04:22 PM

                                                                                                                      Another food-related video:
                                                                                                                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUCpOY...

                                                                                                                2. gingershelley Oct 20, 2013 08:42 AM

                                                                                                                  And another funny video that uses food to illustrate how 'porn sex is different than regular sex'

                                                                                                                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q64hTN...

                                                                                                                  Actually very cute!

                                                                                                                  Show Hidden Posts