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Most embarassing dinner party story

My eldest son left for NY this morning to go back to college. We had a very small get together last night and after we ate the group went outside to our patio. We just had a new misting system put in, everone was relaxing with cocktails and i heard a little shriek from inside. Husband and i ran in... to find a half alive raccoon in the living room! I live in palm springs, and never have seen one here before. My dogs have a seperate yard with access via dog door. I think they caught it and brought it in. It was a little horrifying, in front of everyone to have to catch it, clean up, etc. Afterwards my guests were finding humor in it, and i probably will in the future... but oh my goodness

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  1. They will come in through a dog door if they smell food. Happened to my neighbor a few times until she replaced the door with a unit that operated with the signal from the dog's collar.

    1 Reply
    1. re: EM23

      They will come to a TV or radio if the volume is real low, sounds crazy but.....

    2. My story also involves animals, mine and a guest's dog. Our friends insisted on bringing their dog even though they were clearly told that one of our dogs would not tolerate another dog in his home.

      They started off by leaving their dog in their car and after dinner went to check on him. At that point, my dogs were out in their dog run minding their own business. My husband and I were having after dinner drinks with our other guests when we heard a huge commotion from outside. We all ran out to the dog run where my 110lb golden retriever had the guests dog by the neck and was clearly going to kill him. Our friend had taken his dog to "play" with my dogs ignoring all of our warnings.

      Thankfully my husband and our other friends were able to break it up and amazingly our friend's dog was basically uninjured. The beauty of the whole thing is that our friends left furious with us because of the incident even after they were reminded that we had clearly told them not to bring their dog. Who brings a dog to a sit down dinner party anyway?

      The end result is that we haven't seen them since and that was 3 years ago. It certainly put a damper on the rest of the evening and gave our other friends something to talk about.

      10 Replies
        1. re: baseballfan

          Good riddance. There isn't a single thing those "friends" did right.

          1. re: baseballfan

            Wow. You have a dog aggressive Golden? I have never seen such a thing in my life. We had Goldens for years.

            1. re: Jerseygirl111

              I had a 100+ lb Golden that would bark at every dog in its sight line..... He would defend you to the death from another dog coming near you on a walk...

              1. re: Jerseygirl111

                I know it's unusual. He was attacked and bitten in the face by a neighbor's dog when he was about 6 months old. After that, he would attack any dog he saw except for our black lab. He was great with people but awful with other dogs. The vet said that his reaction was not unusual and can happen with any breed.

                We had to be really careful. he couldn't be let off the leash outside of our fenced backyard. Could never go to the dog beach or dog park.

                People think goldens are always friendly so we had to warn people off who wanted their dog to come over and say hello. He was a great dog in every other way and sadly passed 2 years ago.

                  1. re: baseballfan

                    Aw, well that would explain it. My dog did not have an excuse....he was just tapped.

                1. re: baseballfan

                  What is up with dog people?? Some people are so stupid.....their dogs are smarter than they are....

                  1. re: Dirtywextraolives

                    You're not a dog person? OK, you can leave now....;-)

                    1. re: sandylc

                      No, I'm not, I'm a human person that loves dogs ;)

                2. OK - here's mine. I have two couples from work over for dinner, when the door bell rings at about 8pm. It's the police, looking for our 15 year old son, who was identified along with a couple other kids as having stolen a case of beer from a garage. There was really no way to cover it up and pretend it was no big deal. And of course we didn't know where our son was, so when he finally waltzed in an hour later, we had to excuse ourselves to deal with him. And then, because of the seriousness of the crime, the police came back (breaking and entering, theft, and underage drinking) and my husband left with them to accompany my son to the police station. Really, I just wanted to kill my son, and then just curl up in a ball and die. Our guests were nice as could be about it - fortunately their kids were older than mine, and they'd had a few run ins with the law, too. They were very supportive and gave us a little hope for our son's future. Probably the most embarrassing moment we've had with our kids. In the end, we all survived, 15 year old criminal is now a 22 year old decent enough human being.

                  5 Replies
                  1. re: jeanmarieok

                    Oh my word... How embarrassing!! I feel for you! I hope my boys don't do anything stupid like that, but they most likely will!

                    1. re: Dirtywextraolives

                      Truly a low point, but we've survived! And fortunately that was the worst thing he did.

                      1. re: jeanmarieok

                        Yes, VERY fortunately!! Like I said, I am raising two boys, and besides beating them senseless, I'm not sure what I would have done in that situation! Sounds like you guys handled it well, since it was the worst thing he'd done! Kudos!

                    2. re: jeanmarieok

                      Wow- sorry ab out that, jeanmarieok- kind of embarrassing, to say the least.

                      1. re: jeanmarieok

                        I had forgotten about an embarrassing dinner party story that happened to my parents until I read your post.

                        Way back in the early 70s my parents had a small dinner party with just two other couples. It was winter time and I was banished to the basement with one of my brothers. We weren't too happy about it because our oldest brother got to go snowmobiling. During the dinner party the front doorbell rings and there is a police sergeant standing there. We lived in a small town so my dad addressed the cop by name and asked what he could do for him. Well, the cop asked about our snowmobiles and where they were. It turned out my brother's friend on the back of the snowmobile decided to throw a snowball at a car and it was an unmarked squad car. My brother zipped off not knowing what had happened and they went into our backyard with the cop following into the driveway. My mother was mortified, and my dad wasn't pleased either. The only repercussions were that my brother and his buddy got the crap scared out of them by the cop (he had a police dog with him too).

                        My brother just recently retired after being a police officer for 30 years.

                      2. Years ago, I had a group of women (i really didn't know) at my house for dinner at the request of a friend. I was trying to start to unthaw a big pork roast more quickly by putting it in the microwave for a few minutes first. My 7 year old daughter entered the kitchen, the roast was slippery, hard as a rock, and I ended up dropping the huge frozen chuck of meat on the floor and it skidded all the way across the kitchen and landed at my daughters feet. We had a good laugh.

                        No harm done. I washed it off in the sink and proceeded to in thaw it, then roast it in the oven.

                        Dinner was wonderful. As the guests piled through the kitchen toward the front door, giving me thanks for the lovely meal....my little princess said "you mean you ATE that meat my mom dropped on the floor??? GROSS. I wouldn't have eaten it!". They all looked at me in horror as I tried to explain.

                        She is getting married soon, I will have to remind her of this :)

                        6 Replies
                        1. re: sedimental

                          Oh no! But I'm sure they understood when you said that you dropped it BEFORE it was cooked!

                          1. re: sedimental

                            I am pretty sure I was served food that was dropped on dirty commercial kitchen of a restaurant..probably more than once or twice.

                            1. re: Monica

                              I can assure you that you have. (we all have)

                            2. re: sedimental

                              At least it was still frozen so it ws easy to wash off.

                              1. re: sedimental

                                You've got to love children who blurt out your secrets! My husband & I learned early never to tell our boys our age or weight.... Duh!

                                1. re: sedimental

                                  I'm sure you'll get a chance to retaliate some day...

                                2. my boss very kindly invited my husband and i, and a few other people, over for a formal dinner one holiday season. the entree was duckling a l'orange. as we were digging in to the entree, one of the other guests began a rather *detailed* synopsis of his recent orthoscopic knee surgery. i turned to my left, and there was my husband, teetering at the table, about to pass out into his duck! he survived.. but just barely. i actually thought he was joking (because the guy's story was pretty gross..) but ever since then, we've been very careful to pick our dinner topics.

                                  1. Our young (4 or 5?) son told one of our guests that he had a REALLY big nose.

                                    14 Replies
                                    1. re: sandylc

                                      When I was six I asked my grandmother, at the Thanksgiving dinner table, if she used Tampax. I was an advanced reader and had gotten my hands on "Are Your There God, It's Me Margaret" at too young an age.

                                          1. re: NonnieMuss

                                            Ugh - what a gross typo. *You. My apologies. I got all hung up in the there-their-they're drama that I completely ignored the extra letter. That's unlike mef.

                                          2. re: sandylc

                                            My friend's 3 y.o. asked me why I had big nipples.

                                            1. re: Wintergoblin

                                              I don't think it's fair you drop that and not tell us the answer you gave them! (YOU brought it up!!!)

                                              1. re: jrvedivici

                                                I think I told them that I didn't know why, I just do. His mom explained that they do come in all shapes and sizes. LOL!

                                                1. re: Wintergoblin

                                                  lmao.....well thank you for following up!

                                                  1. re: Wintergoblin

                                                    Excellent...I think great parenting includes simple honest and truthful answers to uncomfortable questions.

                                              2. re: sandylc

                                                I thought my cat walking into the middle of a room full of people and puking everywhere was bad.

                                                1. re: Wintergoblin

                                                  I have Hallmark software on one of our computers so we can print greeting cards. One of my favorites shows a woman in her kitchen obviously before a dinner parter lecturing the family dog and cat. The captions reads:

                                                  "Now, I want the two of you to keep the crotch sniffing and hairball puking to a minimum tonight, you hear?"

                                                  1. re: John E.

                                                    Our old greyhound was a crotch sniffer without remorse. As we were used to muzzling him around the small children in the family (he was nervous around little-littles, and we worried about snappishness), we started using the muzzle has a sniffing deterrent in general. He was a tall dog, so his snout was always...right *there" with most folks. It was easier all the way around to muzzle him.

                                                    BTW: LOVE your Red Owl avatar!

                                                    1. re: cayjohan

                                                      I have been known to switch avatars with some frequency.

                                                      The Red Owl is in honor of my father. He was once a part owner of a Red Owl store that was pretty much the same as the Walmart SuperCenter and Super Target. I guess they were ahead of their time. There were two problems. First, they attemped to do this about 40 years ago, and second, the managing partner was a philanderer.

                                                2. re: sandylc

                                                  My niece (she's more like little sister, since she is only 8 years younger than me) once said to one of my mother's friends, "you're fat" and then to another of my mother's friends' "you are..." and then she realized what she was saying and ran away in shame. My mother's friends let it go since the child was only 5 years old. My mother was horrified.

                                                3. that's not embarrassing!!

                                                  Problem with the misting system watering down the cocktails would have been more embarassing!! :-)

                                                  1. I exploded an entire liter of black cherry soda at the table during a formal dinner at boyfriend's parents' house. The tablecloth survived... the relationship did not.

                                                    And my husband tells the story of the new minister visiting the house as he gets to meet the parishioners. His five-year-old self offers to serve drinks, which are all poured into shot glasses. Guess those seemed the perfect size to a kindergartener.

                                                    1 Reply
                                                    1. re: susan1353

                                                      I did something similar...while gesticulating at the dinner table, I splashed a full glass of cab onto a friend's white cashmere sweater.

                                                      We're still friends but oy...if I could have disappeared.

                                                    2. Twenty some years ago, my sister was in preparations to marry a truly despicable man. (You'll all have to take my word for it on the level of despicability, as I don't wish to even think about it too much; just trust me.) Still, as her matron of honor and a fundamentally hospitable person, I agreed to host a dinner for the wedding party. Why not? Traditions, and all. Family, and all.

                                                      Well, apparently the Cone of Silence in my house was about as functional as that of CONTROL's. So really, what happened was ultimately all our fault.

                                                      The late-ish dinner was timed for after my 4 1/2 year old son's bedtime. The table was populated, dinner was proceeding. All was well. Then my son, who was fully into his (mercifully short-lived) stripping phase, burst into the dining room wearing nothing at all but a pith helmet and brandishing a He-Man sword, demanding, "So who is The Asshole here?!"


                                                      Yes, I had used that word to describe my BIL-to-be. No, I had not yet figured out that the peculiar HVAC twistings and turnings in my house meant that little pitchers with big ears could hear adult conversations in the kitchen, from a storey away. Management of the situation kicked in immediately, but not without my son protesting that he knew The Asshole was going to be present and he wanted to save us all. Naked, pith-helmeted, sword-brandishing child was returned to bed as the silence continued.

                                                      My then-husband (bless his heart, and I don't mean that in the Southern way, but most sincerely, and most gratefully), stepped into the void, raised his glass, and announced "Well, we've all got one, so we'll just never know the offender, will we?" And dinner continued.

                                                      We all survived, but I was a little mortified getting caught in my loose speech and faulty Cone of Silence.

                                                      The despicable man lasted only a couple of years, getting foiled in the end by his own violence and criminality, and my sister (recovered nicely from the marriage) and I laugh quite often about that dinner party. My now 25 year old son wear clothes regularly, and is more circumspect about his rescue missions. And we know all about the acoustical peculiarities of our house.

                                                      But: Oof.

                                                      15 Replies
                                                      1. re: cayjohan

                                                        You had me snort laughing reading this story. Man, that would be embarrasing

                                                        1. re: cayjohan

                                                          I'll be chuckling about this for the rest of the evening. Thanks for the story!!

                                                            1. re: cayjohan

                                                              I had the shittiest day. Thanks for making me laugh.

                                                              1. re: dmjordan

                                                                Me, too. I nominate this National Shitty Day.

                                                              2. re: cayjohan

                                                                Ok - Seriously - That is EPIC! Thank you for one of the best on Chow AND your "Bless His Heart" Ex. OMG - That is awesome!

                                                                    1. re: cayjohan

                                                                      Too bad you didn't have a video camera in your hand.

                                                                      1. re: cayjohan

                                                                        I'm so glad you all can laugh with me on this! At the time, I was devastated and pretty much sobbed myself to sleep. In my defense against over-emotionality vis-à-vis a dinner party, here's the timeline I was dealing with:

                                                                        Start: BIL/wedding party dinner with Pith-Helmeted Avenger appearance
                                                                        + 5 days: high tea wedding shower hosting for a second wedding (also matron of honor for that wedding)
                                                                        + 7 days: sister's and despicable man's wedding
                                                                        +10 days: second appearance as matron of honor, + 11 days, host of gift-opening luncheon
                                                                        + 14 days: gave birth to Pith-Helmeted Avenger's sister

                                                                        So: I was a wreck, for the most part. Advice for those who might possibly get cajoled into a similar set of circumstances: just don't; the reality of maternity bridesmaids' fashions alone will kill you, let alone the unexpectedly dramatic chivalrous behavior of a 4 1/2 year old.

                                                                        Anyhoo...we just had a big family gathering for the holiday weekend, and since I'd been having a few good chuckles over this particular remembrance, mentioned it to my grown-up Avenger. He actually remembered the incident, we had a good laugh, and then he gave me his singularly beatific smile. Which failed to tip me off, as it should have.

                                                                        (I should mention here that one of the family members at our weekend party has a singular reputation as a boorish pill. But, fam's fam, right?)

                                                                        When dinner was ready to be served, I asked T. to get everyone to the table. Once all was ready, T. stood up and asked to make a toast to the hostess...then pulled THE PITH HELMUT from behind his back, placed it on his head and...well, I never got to really hear the toast-to-mom, as I was dealing with a whole array of wine-through-the-nose issues. That infamous pith helmut had been in the storage cubby all this time, and that dang kid had hauled it out. This all went sailing over the head of the intended target (the "Pill") of course, but it entertained this mama like nothing else.

                                                                        I hope you all have such fun people to put a positive coda to an otherwise embarrassing moment. I guess sometimes it takes 20 years.

                                                                        1. re: cayjohan

                                                                          Wow, quite a guy you've raised there, and I mean that in the most wonderful way possible. Thanks for the chuckles.

                                                                          1. re: pine time

                                                                            Oh my, I just realized I've been typing 'helmut" instead of "helmet." My daughter just spent the summer in Germany, and there was "this guy" and well, discussion of "guy" has affected my spelling. Now that's another layer of embarrassing, isn't it?

                                                                            1. re: cayjohan

                                                                              Funny is funny, whether with "e" or "u."

                                                                              A Young Man named Helmut is another kettle of fish altogether.

                                                                              1. re: pine time

                                                                                Oh, the kettle around here has so many fish that I can't keep track! I'm hoping The Avenger will come in handy in weeding out the less desirable fish. ;-)

                                                                          2. re: cayjohan

                                                                            And the story continues to be funny. What a funny guy.

                                                                        2. mine is about the dinner that wasn't.

                                                                          A co-worker of my husband (and his wife) had traveled extensively in a country we were keen to visit, and invited us over to dinner so we could pick their brains. Please arrive at 7, they said when inviting us.

                                                                          So, at 7 we show, a bottle of nice wine in hand, which they pour and serve. We drink it, talk, look at maps, photos, etc........

                                                                          8 pm, 8:30.... no food smells, nobody checking on dinner's progress.... and it's either eat soon or leave, because I was pretty hungry when we arrived. Husband and I are exchanging glances, but can't really say anything. I mean, not even a cracker was offered.

                                                                          Finally I make up an early morning meeting, and we head out, starving, looking for an open restaurant.

                                                                          We've never asked about it. Maybe they thought we were bringing the food? I still don't know what happened.

                                                                          3 Replies
                                                                          1. re: cheesemonger

                                                                            There are some weird people in the World....

                                                                            1. re: Monica

                                                                              My relatives in India wouldn't even be thinking yet of dinner at 8. More like 11. I learned to eat heavily at "tea time" around 4-ish.

                                                                            2. re: cheesemonger

                                                                              That happened to us once. We were invited for burgers on the grill, and about four hours later, we left, starving.

                                                                            3. I have more than one, sadly!

                                                                              We lived in a "gentrifying" neighbourhood and had a wee bit of a mouse problem so we had laid bait downstairs. At a dinner party one night one of the mousies walked through the dining room, walking like a punch drunk from the warfarin. My husband and I kept talking louder and louder to keep the guests from seeing "Mickey" take a walk around.

                                                                              Another time we were having 30 clients for a celebratory dinner (we both worked for the same company). We had planned to do the food ourselves but at the last minute we were both so busy working on the client's business (the thing we were celebrating), pulling 18 hour days, etc, so hired a caterer and a general barman/waiter. He arrived an hour before the guests and I took him through the drill......obviously he had done this a thousand times before and didn't need my instruction.....so he said "Madam - I'm fine - why don't you go get ready and I'll sort things out here".

                                                                              I was ready.

                                                                              Went back upstairs and got ready, again (he was right BTW!)

                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                              1. re: ElizabethS

                                                                                Your mousie story reminded me: when we had been in this house just a week, I invited some friends over for a housewarming dinner. It was a chilly evening, so I lit the gas fireplace for the first time. As we sat around talking, I began to see a distinct shape in the shadow of the flames. Kept staring, and talked faster and louder as the evening progressed. Sure enough, next morning, I was right: there was a bird skeleton by the fake logs. Must have fallen in years before, got trapped, and cremated.

                                                                              2. Just how well do you really know somebody?

                                                                                Known them for a couple of years, had socialized together many times, and I invite the two of them for dinner. I ask if there is any special restrictions I should know about, and the answer is no.

                                                                                Even the salad had wine in it. Every other course did also. To include the flaming dessert. Luckily, I mentioned the wine in the slaw just before she tried it. "No alcohol, thought you knew, Dale."

                                                                                Living on a boat presents challenges as well as novel solutions. Sliced some more slaw and dressed with herbs, sugar, vinegar and oil. Caught a couple snapper hiding under the boat and cooked as fillets in butter. Dessert for them was spray can cheese on a sleeve of crackers. I had wild bananas foster.

                                                                                We had a great time, but I am still pained at my lack of observation concerning this part of their life. It was no secret and they just figured I knew.

                                                                                4 Replies
                                                                                1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                                                  100% their fault for saying no restrictions. You were an amazingly considerate and adept host.

                                                                                  1. re: sandylc

                                                                                    Not their fault. I can be really clueless. For good and for ill. I firmly believe that all people are nice until proven otherwise. And it is not my job to check on what people are drinking unless I am tending bar.

                                                                                    As for adept, my good bosses through the years discovered that to get the best results from me, they should give me a three day job with only two days remaining.

                                                                                    Procrastination is a problem of mine that I will resolve one of these days. :-)

                                                                                    1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                                                      A couple of my husband's siblings tend to make a note of how much everybody drinks, and then relay the counts to other people. What a despicable habit- you are to be commended for not tallying things up.

                                                                                      1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                                                        Me too, procrastination can sometimes bring out my best work as well. It's not always a good thing, it's frustrating, but it happens. I too intend to someday do something about my procrastination problem.

                                                                                  2. I once was a date to a barbecue/dinner party where I knew few people - at the home of a couple I'd never met. After a pair of quick drinks, I went inside and opened what I thought to be the door to the bathroom only to behold the hostess "kneeling" before some guy who had, shall we say, her hair in hand. He smiled. I retreated.

                                                                                    I kept my mouth shut. The hostess bent over backwards to be nice to me all evening. On the way home, my date observed, "I think Susan really liked you!"

                                                                                    8 Replies
                                                                                    1. re: MGZ

                                                                                      But apparently Susan didn't like you as much as she did that other guy...

                                                                                      1. re: MGZ

                                                                                        "I kept my mouth shut."

                                                                                        Sounds like the hostess needed to keep hers shut as well.

                                                                                        1. re: MGZ

                                                                                          Sounds like someone should have put cocktail wieners on the menu.

                                                                                            1. re: Jerseygirl111

                                                                                              No, it seems I had gone a door to far I swore the husband had said "the second door on the right", but he was pretty busy with the grill when I asked.

                                                                                              1. re: MGZ

                                                                                                (Mental note to self, when MGZ is over for a BBQ make sure I do NOT work the grill)

                                                                                                1. re: MGZ

                                                                                                  Hmm...methinks maybe you missed your turn.

                                                                                              2. re: MGZ

                                                                                                Now that's some impressive multi tasking......

                                                                                              3. That's a doozy, for sure.

                                                                                                1. Some years ago, we were doing an "intimate" Easter dinner. My wife asked to add two more people, who had no local family, and I agreed. Well, each had four additional people, who just had to come. The "dinner party" went from the two of us, to 13! I was planning lamb (to coincide with Seder), so had to rush out and quadruple the quantity. Got back, just as the "guests" began to arrive. I had wines in the cellar, but many wanted custom-made cocktails, so I set up the bar, and turned them loose.

                                                                                                  Put the lamb on the grill, but some of the cocktail drinkers needed me to come up and mix for them - they could not do that for themselves. I did, and then some wanted special wines, so back down to the cellar, turning the lamb. About that time, several of the guests needed a tour of the cellar, which I did, turning the lamb. Back to the bar, as some could not use my shakers to do their Martinis.

                                                                                                  The lamb BURNED!!!! And I had to break off the bones, which were incinerated. Got things trimmed an up to the table, but again, I had to mix drinks, and get more special wines. I went down, locked myself in the cellar, and let everyone else deal with it.

                                                                                                  Yes, I was a bad host, but from that moment, I refused to host a dinner for more than 6, without a caterer, and a bartender. That edict has now held for 15 years. We either cater, or actually have an "intimate dinner." No two ways about it.


                                                                                                  4 Replies
                                                                                                  1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                    You know Bill, someone just said to me the other day, people can only drive you crazy if you give them the key! I've had a few out of control meals myself, live and learn.

                                                                                                    1. re: coll

                                                                                                      Yes. After a deep discussion, my loving wife now understands "intimate family meal," and such.

                                                                                                      If I have any doubts about such understandings, then I sweep her off her feet, and fly her to some resort, where we know no one!


                                                                                                      1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                        Does Mrs. Hunt know that all she has to do to get a quick and exotic vacation is to tell you she's organizing a small dinner party and invited two dozen of her closest friends?

                                                                                                    2. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                      I'd like to be locked up in Hunt's cellar. Hell, throw away the key.

                                                                                                    3. Many years ago, my mom and dad were going to Sunday dinner at the home of another middle aged couple who were among their best friends; these various couples ate together in various groupings and permutations over the years.

                                                                                                      Mom and Dad show up to Ed and Edyth's house, and they sit in the living room, chatting amiably. Dad doesn't smell anything cooking; Edyth never goes into the kitchen to hover and stir, the way she ought to have.

                                                                                                      Suddenly, she gets up, goes to the kitchen. Dad, whose stomach is starting to growl a bit, thinks, Ah. Finally.

                                                                                                      Edyth comes back in bearing a tray of cheese and crackers. They begin to snack.

                                                                                                      Well, my dad thinks, maybe we're having soup.

                                                                                                      They never had soup. Edyth, it turned out later, had forgotten they were coming at all, and she only put out the cheese to be hospitable.

                                                                                                      Mom and Dad stopped at the local Frisch's Big Boy on the way home.

                                                                                                      The next day, Eddie remembers that my parents were supposed to come over for DINNER. He tells his wife. She is mortified.

                                                                                                      She made a really good make-up dinner the next Sunday.

                                                                                                      1. Two stories:
                                                                                                        Years ago (many, many years ago!) when I was a teenager, my dad invited a couple of clients to our house for dinner. We had a lot of cats, one of whom had the weird habit of shoving his entire face into any armpit he could reach.

                                                                                                        My youngest brother, who was about 7 or 8 at the time, was put in charge of keeping this particular cat outside. Well, the kitty got in somehow, ran straight to one of the guests and shoved his face into the guy's armpit. My brother immediately apologized, saying, "Don't worry, he won't hurt you. He just likes to smell stinky armpits."

                                                                                                        Second story: A friend of mine, then a notoriously awful cook, invited me and my new boyfriend (now my husband of 22 years) to her house for dinner so she could meet him. We got there, bottles of wine in hand, and she announced that she was serving turkey. I figured that at the very worst, it would be dry, but we'd get through it.

                                                                                                        We sat down to eat and she announced that she'd found the turkey in her freezer when she moved into the apartment 8 months before and had been looking for an opportunity to serve it. I was dealing with an anxiety disorder at the time, had a panic attack, and passed out, hitting my head on an oak side table. Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by paramedics, transported to the hospital and getting stitches in my head.

                                                                                                        My friend has since learned to cook!

                                                                                                        11 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                          That's a hell of a way to get out of a questionable turkey

                                                                                                            1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                              Speaking of turkeys, I went to a thanksgiving meal where the turkey was served rare. As in red, pink, and bit frozen inside. Hostess does not eat meat or poultry, and stuck the whole thing in the oven semi frozen

                                                                                                              1. re: cheesecake17

                                                                                                                Wow, I can't think of anything much scarier.....

                                                                                                                1. re: cheesecake17

                                                                                                                  We went to the 1st American Thanksgiving cookery by a recent Indian immigrant. When we arrived, about 11 a.m, as directed for dinner expected about 3 p.m., she asked me when she should take the turkey out of the freezer.

                                                                                                                  About 8 p.m., we all were moving around bits of microwaved curried turkey, still bleeding, on our plates.

                                                                                                                  There was lots of alcohol consumed.

                                                                                                                  1. re: pine time

                                                                                                                    I always drink a bit of alcohol when I suspect food poisoning is a possibility, just as my Mom taught me.

                                                                                                                      1. re: coll

                                                                                                                        Well, Coll, you've got science on your side. I remember reading a study in The Lancet that found drinking red wine with a meal helped prevent traveler's diarrhea. Been drinking it ever since, travel or no travel.

                                                                                                                        1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                                          Mom is always right! Although she prefers vodka or brandy.

                                                                                                                      2. re: pine time

                                                                                                                        Sadly, there was no alcohol.
                                                                                                                        Or edible sides.
                                                                                                                        But there was salmon.

                                                                                                                  2. I have no memory of this, but my mother told the story so often that it's almost as if I did...

                                                                                                                    My grandparents had some very dear friends, Mr. and Mrs. Farmer. Mrs. F was one of my favorite grownups; warm, full of hugs and just all round wonderful to spend time with. Mr. F. was also very nice, and not, shall we say, the handsomest of men...

                                                                                                                    I was four or five at the time. At a lunch or dinner at my grandparents' house, I apparently asked if I could sit next to Mrs. F., and, afraid that I'd hurt Mr. F's feelings announced "So I could look at Mr. F." Mum said the whole table got a good belly laugh..

                                                                                                                    1. About 15 years ago (or maybe longer ago than that), two of my wife Maureen's sisters and their husbands visited us from London. On this particular night, we were joined by another sister and her husband who were living in Queens at the time, making a party of eight.

                                                                                                                      We decided to head to Telephone, the great British pub that had been in the East Village for years and that, sadly, closed a few years ago. Maureen and I had been semi-regulars there for some time, so we knew the staff and they knew us.

                                                                                                                      We decided between the two us that we'd pick up the tab, but we knew that this would cause the usual squabbling, so we came up with a ruse to try to avoid all that.

                                                                                                                      Near the end of the meal I excused myself to go the restroom. On the way I stopped to chat with our waiter and I told him I wanted to pick up the entire tab and gave him my credit card. On the way back from the restroom I signed the check and added a nice tip of around 25%.

                                                                                                                      I also told the waiter that what I'd like him to do when it came time for the check would be to announce that because Maureen and I were such good customers, and because the staff could see that there were visitors from England, the meal would be on the house. So that's what the waiter did.

                                                                                                                      This really took everyone by surprise (except, of course, Maureen and me), and made everyone happy. However, what I hadn't reckoned on was everyone then agreeing to chip in to leave a much more generous than usual tip. Uh oh!

                                                                                                                      Had I my wits about me in the first place I could have foreseen that and not added an already generous tip when I paid the bill surreptitiously. Now they were talking about leaving quite a bit more money.

                                                                                                                      Nothing to do but admit what I had done.

                                                                                                                      1. Beautiful alfresco dinner out on the patio of friends' home. Wonderful food, lovely centerpiece, and candlelight as night descends. The hosts' dog then arrives at the table, a huge Akita who stands 6 inches above the table. He goes around the table eating food off the hosts' and guests' dinner plates. The hosts allow this, say nothing. The guests (me included) politely shoo the dog away. Later, I am putting plates into the dishwasher, and the dog starts licking the food off the plates in the dishwasher tray. As I push the tray into the dishwasher, the Akita's teeth sink into my hand, puncturing both the tendons on the top of my hand and my palm. The pain is unbelievable. Next stop, the ER for hours, and stitches, and major antibiotics. Wasn't able to use that hand for a month, and the nerves took a full year to heal. As you might expect, the friendship ended.

                                                                                                                        2 Replies
                                                                                                                        1. re: maria lorraine

                                                                                                                          That's not embarrassing, maria lorraine, that's terrible! What selfish, irresponsible hosts! I no longer visit homes where dogs reside unless I verify that the dogs have been properly trained--meaning that they don't furiously hurl themselves at the door when a guest arrives, and that they respect personal space, especially at the table. The Leopold and Loeb approach to dog behavior is a menace.

                                                                                                                          1. re: maria lorraine

                                                                                                                            Again, I ask, what is with people who do not discipline their dogs? I mean, I wonder if this couple would allow their children to act the same way? It amazes me to no end how, under the guise of cuteness & familial bond, that people forsake so many basic things, like safety, decorum & relationships with others, for the sake of the dog......

                                                                                                                          2. Quite a few years ago, my wife's aunt and uncle had a party to celebrate the uncle's birthday. This is a set of family and friends who are massive, enthusiastic carnivores, so the main course was an immense standing rib roast.

                                                                                                                            The family likes its dogs big too, and Heidi, one of the biggest German Shepherds I've ever seen, was left alone in the house while the partiers were on the deck and patio.

                                                                                                                            Aunt Donna took the roast out, lightly covered it with, foil, left it to rest and absorb its juices, then went back out with her guests.

                                                                                                                            You know where this is going. Yep. Heidi had a nice snack.

                                                                                                                            Fortunately, there was also a ham, and she didn't get that.

                                                                                                                            But, not having learned from the first mistake, Aunt Donna left her alone with the huge sheet cake. Which she had a nice portion of as well for dessert!

                                                                                                                            11 Replies
                                                                                                                            1. re: jmckee

                                                                                                                              Our wonderful dog wasn't perfect (who is?) - for example, he did have a greeting disorder, but he did not steal food.

                                                                                                                              We could leave him alone in the house with a cooked steak within reach and he wouldn't touch it. I feared that he would drip drool over it while hovering and wishing, though!

                                                                                                                              1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                love it - a greeting disorder!! My dog has a greeting disorder too - and an eating disorder, but he is getting much better - with therapy

                                                                                                                                1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                  My father taught the dog "don't touch it". Showed the trick with a piece of meatball to the guests. Forgot to tell her "ok you can have it". Went to the movies and when they came home she was still lying down staring at the meatball.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: melpy

                                                                                                                                      Aw, poor sweetie! But what a good dog!!

                                                                                                                                      1. re: Violatp

                                                                                                                                        As she got older if you weren't watching she would go ahead and eat and then go hide. She had to be put to sleep in 1999 but lived to be 16 after surviving breast cancer. My parents never got another dog and her leash still hangs in the closet.

                                                                                                                                        I will be a wreck when my cat passes away.

                                                                                                                                        1. re: melpy

                                                                                                                                          I had a cat that showed up at my doorstep beat up and later found her to be pregnant. I watched her kittens be born and had one of them til she passed at 18. Mamacat passed at 13 for us. Who knows how old she really was. Wreck couldn't cover my loss. I still have her on my phone wallpaper. Good luck and eat kitty up with a spoon while s/he is here.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: suzigirl

                                                                                                                                            I just had to give my old girl cat a big squish. Going to be 15 in a couple months but I"m hoping she's going to be one of the longer lived kitties. Still perfectly healthy, so outlook is good!

                                                                                                                                            1. re: Violatp

                                                                                                                                              They are a true treasure. All of those furry friends.

                                                                                                                                            2. re: suzigirl

                                                                                                                                              How did we get to talking about cats?!

                                                                                                                                              1. re: suzigirl

                                                                                                                                                Dammit, got something in my eye. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

                                                                                                                                    2. Went to a lovely dinner party this weekend and the hostess had a world renowned psychic at the party and tho' I am quite intuitive, I didn't let on to my 'super powers'. ; )

                                                                                                                                      She came up to me and said 'Wow, you are very gifted'..
                                                                                                                                      I had a glass of wine in me so my answer was some flippant, smart ass comment.

                                                                                                                                      She said to me, 'You have a secret admirer'...I do, I said.
                                                                                                                                      'Yes and you two have met up once and he has found you on a forum'..
                                                                                                                                      A forum...what kind of forum?
                                                                                                                                      'A food forum'...really?!?!

                                                                                                                                      'You will both divorce your spouses and find wedded bliss'
                                                                                                                                      Are you f*cking serious?
                                                                                                                                      'Yes, I am'. .

                                                                                                                                      My DH can't stop skipping and whistling Dixie. . .rat bastard.

                                                                                                                                      1. Some years back my best friend started dating a new girl, they were having a large dinner party to celebrate her birthday and my pal asked me to bring over a six pack of wine he was storing in my wine cellar.

                                                                                                                                        Party was for 7 PM at the new girl's house and I turned up at 6:45 with the wine in my hand - her mother opened the door, took a look at me, without saying a word took the wine from me, thanked me for the delivery and shut the door upon me.

                                                                                                                                        Upon ringing the bell again, she opened the door and asked me what I wanted, I explained I was her daughter beau's best friend and was actually staying for dinner - she laughed with embarrassment and said she thought I was the delivery person - she and I did not get along very much after I asked her if she did think I was the delivery person - why I was not worthy of a tip!

                                                                                                                                        1. These are all too, too funny--though at the time, it was probably hard to see the humor. Funny how many of them involve animals!

                                                                                                                                          My party-story took place at our house. It was a sit-down dinner for 10. In the middle of dinner, our pet white rat, Einstein, who had obviously escaped from his cage (our small daughters must have been playing with him offstage) showed up in the dining room and proceeded to stroll casually and slowly along the top of the buffet-server and then jump with enviable agility onto the side-table and then up onto a highboy. (Not, thank God, onto the table!!) All eyes watched in fascination, and then one of our guests, an eminent pathologist (male) proceeded to turn pale and slump to the floor in a faint!

                                                                                                                                          It did put rather a crimp in the party, but fortunately he recovered fairly immediately and we didn't call 911. I don't recall that he ever came back to our house, though!

                                                                                                                                          1. I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Nigeria, West Africa from 1966 to 1968. I lived in a very nice house in a small bush village, however, the house did not have a finished ceiling, only wooden rafters or beams. One day I had a visit from Nate (I forget his last name), Director of the Peace Corps in Northern Nigeria. Of course, I had dinner for him and his driver, Sule. I made a spaghetti dinner and placed the platter in the middle of the dining room table. While we were getting seated at the table, a small lizard ran across the beam over the table and fell into the platter of spaghetti and scampered off across the table. Neither Nate or Sule saw the lizard fall. So I just pretended nothing happened and served the spaghetti! Both commented on how good the dinner was and neither had any ill effects so I guess the lizard was "clean."

                                                                                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                                                                                            1. re: elmdt1229

                                                                                                                                              Mr. P. says this was a common occurrence in his childhood home in India. It got to a point where a cousin took to wearing his motorcycle helmet inside the house.

                                                                                                                                              1. re: pine time

                                                                                                                                                Oh, that made me laugh right through my mouthful of morning coffee!! Love the image of the cousin wearing a motorcycle helmet to protect against "falling lizards"!

                                                                                                                                              2. re: elmdt1229


                                                                                                                                                Reminds me of the Geckos that fall off the ceiling in Tahiti when your sleeping...freak out!

                                                                                                                                              3. Here's a great Thanksgiving story - not mine, but cringe-worthy anyway...