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Aug 7, 2013 03:56 PM

First World/Western World Problem. Please stop!


Can we please stop responding to posts with "that's a first world/western world problem? It serves no purpose, except to totally stop all conversation, and could literally be applied to virtually every post on this site. Please stop already!

  1. I'm in! Although I've never done this. And while we're at it, can we also stop telling people who ask for the best version of Prepared Food X that they should make it from scratch instead, because it's so easy?

    14 Replies
    1. re: small h

      "i'm looking for the best jarred marinara" always turns into "you should make your own, blah, blah, blah". it's an on going cycle on CH i've seen take place several times. I had a post about finding a good sub for Lea and Perrins steak sauce and sure enough i got a "make your own" response!

      1. re: small h

        I was going to give you my artisan saltine cracker recipe, but...

        1. re: flavrmeistr

          Saltines? Do those contain salt? I think that's a chemical, and I don't eat chemicals. Or processed foods like flour, which is probably also an ingredient in your crackers. Thanks anyway, though.

          1. re: small h

            Hey, some of my best friends are chemists!

            1. re: flavrmeistr

              Well, when you eat some crazy combination of letters (H20! NaCl!) and your legs fall off, don't come running to me.

              1. re: small h

                I think it's rather insensitive that you are telling them not to "run to you" once their legs have fallen off.

                1. re: jrvedivici

                  Do not defame my 1st world heritage!! My father was one, I was one, and generations of chemists in the kitchen.

                  Better living through chemicals is the motto of my generation.

                    1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                      And if it's not actually better living, then we will come up with a chemical solution to that! Isn't that how LSD was created?

                      1. re: jrvedivici

                        No, alcohol.

                        Sorry, it is Monday, and my witticism ability is lower than normal. And that is pretty low on a good day. As many will attest.

                2. re: flavrmeistr

                  Hey, small h doesn't seem to have any problem with you eating chemists, just chemicals. As long as you're eating free-range chemists, with at least a few hours of open-air lab time per day.

                  1. re: Wahooty

                    That probably accounts for the off taste.

                3. re: small h

                  I thought your response to flavrmeister was HILARIOUS!! I thought you were going along with the sarcastic "homemade saltine cracker recipe" gag then I realised you were serious. You were serious right? You're talking about soda crackers right? As in "Premium Plus" brand crackers for example, available in salted and unsalted? THOSE crackers? Salt is a MINERAL. There are minerals found in all foods. We would die without minerals, salt included, you can't live without it. Please tell me you were kidding and you really did know all of this and I was fooled and fell for your gag.

                  1. re: joseenatalie

                    < Please tell me you were kidding...>

                    I was kidding.

            2. I find "First World/Western World Problem" responses sort of amusing. It's the new millennium equivalent of "Eat your [distasteful food]! Kids are starving in [country/region]!" I think it's funny that people want to act as virtual parents to message board participants.

              1. A 3rd variant--
                It's not really ____ from ___ if it doesn't have _____.

                1. I will take "first world" over "amazing" any time. Those fries were amazing. The pie was amazing. The service was amazing. The salad was ok but not amazing. Anyone know where I can get an amazing appetizer and an amazing cocktail in an amazing atmosphere? What's the difference between very good and amazing? Why does every other post on Chowhound contain the word amazing?
                  If everything is so amazing, why aren't there more amazed-looking people when I go out for dinner?

                  16 Replies
                  1. re: Samalicious

                    While every fiber of my being is marinated in agreement, and I would include "awesome" in the proposed ban, gird your loins because it's getting worse. Recently I noticed on a regional post that "amazing" has been supplanted by "amazeballs". That being my first encounter with this abomination, I googled and found that it is increasing in popularity. Waiter Q: "How did you like the meatballs?" GenX customer: "Dude, they were amazeballs!"
                    Another reason to cook our meals at home, where we can banter-banish at will! ;-) BTW, if you want a number that would leave Carl Sagan gobsmacked, check the number of results of a site-wide search of "amazing".

                    1. re: greygarious

                      As Rat in Pearls Before Swine would probably say "I kicked him right in his amazeballs for using the word in public."

                      1. re: greygarious

                        Those darn kids. They should stick to good old fashioned sayings. I thought those fries were the bee's knees!

                        1. re: Jase

                          Swell! Terrif!

                          Just watched Thoroughly Modern Millie last night for a themed dinner and a movie out friends do. So many antiquated phrases.

                        2. re: greygarious

                          I will not be using amazeballs. Wow.

                          1. re: melpy

                            Me either. I hate that saying.

                            However, i DO like, "It's (or you're) the tits!" Trying to incorporate that into everyday life. probably not at work though...

                            1. re: mariacarmen

                              "It's (or you're) the tits!"

                              Yeah, I've always thought you were - I mean your posts were, or are. I hope you're not at work...

                              1. re: mariacarmen

                                oh god. and now that i've posted to this thread i will have to see it pop up and know that "amazeballs" is being said hundreds of times....

                                1. re: mariacarmen

                                  Let's get all the parts involved. Sam F. used to say that I smile like an ass eating cactus...

                                  1. re: Veggo

                                    That sounds like something Sam would say - and he wouldn't hesitate to try it if it were on a plate - not your ass - and I mean that in a good way.

                                2. re: mariacarmen

                                  I have friends who have totally made that phrase work in real life.

                                1. re: EM23

                                  Thanks, that was interesting for me, a person who evidently lives in a hole somewhere devoid of these new words and phrases.

                                  I did like "evil prairie dogs," however, and plan to start using that.

                              2. re: Samalicious

                                I will withstand all of the above over "to die for." Because honestly? I wouldn't want anything I would die to eat.

                                1. re: Samalicious

                                  I have a friend who has never eaten a morsel, taken a vacation, seen a movie or boughht an item of clothing that was not "amazing". It's amazing that I haven't throttled her.

                                2. Many areas of the world do not have affordable access to the internet, or any access at all, so they are not among us to share their stories here.

                                  39 Replies
                                  1. re: Veggo

                                    Yes, the very fact that we're having this discussion is a....
                                    you know...

                                      1. re: Kalivs

                                        Where did you find the best jarred amazeballs in the "first world?"

                                        1. re: bulavinaka

                                          Are you talking about malted milk amazeballs?

                                          1. re: bbqboy

                                            Gosh no - I don't want to get called out as not being authentic. Besides, those aren't vegan-friendly...

                                          2. re: bulavinaka

                                            Jarred amazeballs? Never! They are so easy to make at home . . . Let me know if you would like my amazeball recipe for amazeballs.

                                            1. re: gaffk

                                              Don't be so douchey - you know amazeballs recipes are supposed to be posted on the, "Home Cooking" board. But then I'd have to search for it... searching drains the crap out of my cordless keyboard's batteries... then I'd have to find a nickel to open the battery compartment... who even keeps nickels these days? I'd ask one of my less-salaried workmates for a nickel, but they'd think I was poor like them... Wait - what if an, "Amazeballs Recipes" board was created? First World solution!

                                              1. re: gaffk

                                                I would love your recipe!!!
                                                Do any of you other guys have a great tried and true amazeballs recipe? I’m about to get a bumper crop of CSA amazeballs, and I need ideas. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but this will be my first time eating amazeballs. Y’all seem to know so much about them, so I am going to pick your brains. Here are my quicky q’s:
                                                How much should I tip on my CSA amazeballs delivery? I was thinking 10% because it’s not like the delivery guy is cooking AND serving my amazeballs.
                                                Would it be rude if I keep my amazeballs locked in my new kitchen? Will my friends and family shun me for not sharing my amazeballs?
                                                Are amazeballs safe to eat if I leave them out on the kitchen counter overnight?
                                                Is it safe to stick my hand down the garbage disposal if my amazeballs get stuck in it? I have read that Cleobleach uses thongs for this purpose, but I don’t really understand how that would work.
                                                My DSIL pronounces amazeballs, ah-ma-zeh-balls, and it drives me batty. Should my DB get a divorce from her for this?

                                                1. re: EM23

                                                  Amazeballs taste exactly like Brussels sprouts, which means they are inedible. Drop them off on your neighbors' porch--the ones you like the least--in a plain brown bag, then run.

                                                  1. re: Isolda

                                                    Clearly you have never had true amazeballs.

                                                    I feel I must now be snarky and surly in response to every post of yours I read. I had things to do today, so this will really be a burden to hunt down all your posts to add my obviously witty brand of snark. Dammit!

                                                    1. re: Isolda

                                                      from your response it seems you've never had shaved amazeballs then. you're clearly missing out.

                                                    2. re: EM23

                                                      Just be careful how long you leave your amazeballs out on the counter, or you'll need to post how many cc's of amazeball antidote you'll need to avoid amazeball illness.

                                                      1. re: EM23

                                                        OK EM23, here's the recipe for my amazeballs:
                                                        1) Drive out to Lancaster County (or the agricultural area closest to you). Stop at the cow farm and get one lb prime cut beef. and 1/2 lb of the best veal. Proceed to the pig farm and obtain 3/4 lb heritage pork.
                                                        2) Proceed to S. Jersey (or whatever agricultural area closest to you, but farthest from ag area 1) and obtain a dozen ears of fresh sweet corn.
                                                        3)At home, harvest fresh parsley, thyme, oregano and sage from your herb garden.
                                                        4)Grind the meats and herbs in your Delorean meat grinder. Be sure to refrigerate meat mixture IMMEDIATELY so that it does not grow bacteria or attract flies.
                                                        5) Roast the corn on high. When it is thoroughly dry, mill it in to flour in your backyard creek mill.
                                                        6) Combine meat mixture and flour. Simmer in cast iron pan on stovetop for 2 hours in sauce. (You can go with a brown sauce or red sauce . . . but don't even get me started on those recipes.)

                                                        In answer to your other questions:
                                                        -Never offend your amazeballs delivery person by even entertaining less than 30% tip. I mean, did you see that recipe? That delivery person is saving you tons of time and effort.
                                                        -Amazeballs should be locked away and served only to those foodie friends and family who you are confident will appreciate the amazeballness of it all.
                                                        -Never leave amazeballs on the counter. If in doubt, throw it out.
                                                        -I understand Cleobeach's advice, but personally feel a VS wonder bra is just as effective.
                                                        -ah-ma-zeh-balls is too easily confused with matzo balls and I suspect your DSIL will be expecting soup. Unfortunately, a divorce is the only solution--I hope your DB has a good prenup, lawyer and relation with his children.

                                                        1. re: gaffk

                                                          You forgot the most important step! One needs to take pictures of every step. Pictures should include captions:
                                                          -names for every cow, pig and farmer met on your journey
                                                          -steps to disassemble and pack the Delorean meat grinder
                                                          -pictures of the roasting process - especially of the creek mill (ooh - envy!)
                                                          -fuzzy picture of amazeballs in the fridge

                                                          Skip taking pictures for all the remaining steps and then appropriate somebody else's pic of the perfect amazeball presentation.


                                                          1. re: MplsM ary

                                                            Damn . . . I usually have my DC handle the photography so I forgot this oh-so-important component. I'll hang my head and stand in the corner for 30 minutes :(

                                                            I also forgot (and so did you . . . tsk, tsk) the need to post said photos to my amazeballs blog.

                                                            (Seriously, I haven't had this much fun on a thread since the April 1 Banana Board :)

                                                            1. re: gaffk

                                                              Isolda – You must be a supertaster and it appears that you wish to yuck my yum. Therefore I shall be joining MplsM in replying to your future posts with great snark.
                                                              Pine – Are you a doctor? I may need your help if the thong or wonderbra gets, uh, stuck in the disposal.
                                                              MplsM – let’s snark and be surly on every thread. I get high off of being condescending towards others and I’m going knock the socks off of “first world problems” from now on.
                                                              Gaffk – What can I say?!?! You are a freakin amazeballs amazeball!!! Thanks for all of your sage advice:)) That said, I decided to replace the sage in your recipe with Aleppo pepper. I hope you don’t mind my adaptation.

                                                              So fun having a laugh with you “guys” Just waiting for this subthread to go poof…

                                                              1. re: EM23


                                                                First, substituting peppers for sage absolutely destroys my *perfect* recipe; I will no longer share any recipes with you.

                                                                Second, I am not a guy. Your colloquial insult has left me with no choice but to snark at you on all future threads.

                                                                Third--and with all sincerity--I hope the mods have enough of a sense of humor to leave this subthread. Maybe they can use it as a basis for next April 1?

                                                                1. re: gaffk

                                                                  Go on then...snark away. Helloooo, flag button!

                                                                  I would understand if it was deleted, though. I think it's cool that they have left it untouched so far.

                                                                  Have a good "one", G!!!

                                                          2. re: gaffk

                                                            Sounds delish! I'm getting very hungballs.

                                                            1. re: tcamp

                                                              Ummm....I think that might be hungryballs......methinks
                                                              "hungballs" are entirely different. ;O

                                                              1. re: sedimental

                                                                I just wonder if this whole "balls" discussion can be traced back to "Schweddy Balls" in terms of origination?


                                                        2. re: bulavinaka

                                                          Free range organic amazeballs from Liechtenstein are probably best. They are low carb, gluten free and no MSG!

                                                          1. re: MplsM ary

                                                            Amazeballs in Liechtenstein with a toddler and a vegan ? TIA.

                                                            1. re: Samalicious

                                                              While the amazeballs across the border in Feldkirch may not be as piquant as those in Vaduz, FL, I find they more than make up for them in size.

                                                              1. re: Samalicious

                                                                Kinda doubt MplsM ary's cred - see my response. Question - TIA? Oh, I get it - "This Is Amazeballs!" Oh crud - getting a "low battery" prompt on my cordless keyboard - you wouldn't happen to have a nickel I can borrow, would you? And don't try to pawn off a 5-centime coin on me - there are no money changers that are open right now...

                                                                1. re: bulavinaka

                                                                  No solar cell on the wireless keyboard? What about your carbon butt print?

                                                                  1. re: Servorg

                                                                    Solar cell manufacturing is almost all commie - commies outlawed amazeballs along with religion - and that ain't 'merican. And what's more 'merican than religion and butt prints?


                                                                    1. re: bulavinaka

                                                                      Are we saying we cannot lie, we like big, never mind...

                                                              2. re: MplsM ary

                                                                Liechtenstein? Castles? Game of Thrones is SO amazeballs! Wait, what season did the low-carb version come out in? Did they have MSG back then? I'm calling you out...

                                                                1. re: bulavinaka

                                                                  I am 58. I have no idea what Game of Thrones is. On my first of many visits, the Prince autographed a childrens' book I bought in the tourist office and gave a 5 minute explanation on the Principality. This was in 1975, and a long walk from Feldkirch with a 35+ kilo backpack.

                                                                  And the MSG is organic coming from shrooms growing under the cow flops. Mind altering tea from those amazeballs.

                                                                  1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                                    I think it's pretty frickin' amazeballs that there is still at least one human on planet First World who hasn't been sucked in by this show:


                                                                    True story - a friend of mine was actually courted by the Prince of Liechtenstein. Is that coincidence or amazeballs?

                                                                    MSG from cow flop shrooms? Please tell me those cows are grass fed - that would be - you know - AMAZEBALLS!

                                                                    1. re: bulavinaka

                                                                      First discovered along the headwaters of the St. Johns river in 1972. On the largest ranch east of the Mississippi River. Deseret. And it is all grass fed.

                                                                      Too expensive to ship corn down here.

                                                                2. re: MplsM ary

                                                                  Just to clear up the confusion - Liechtenstein amazeballs should be available at Whole Foods, any natural foods stores or coop. Of course Trader Joe's has their own organic knockoff brand (Swiss made), which are serviceable but not nearly as amazeballs as the Liechtenstein amazeballs.

                                                                  1. re: MplsM ary

                                                                    Nope, Huffpost just came out with an exposé. They are not really from Switzerland. They are from Wisconsin!

                                                                  2. re: MplsM ary

                                                                    In Japan, we call it bikkuriballs. I think it has surimi in it. But since it's an Ajinomoto product, it probably contains MSG.

                                                                3. re: Kalivs

                                                                  I love all of you -- you're all amaze...amz....

                                                                  Nope, can't do it. But you know what I mean.

                                                                  This is one of the threads that makes me love CH -- y'all make me laugh with my brain, and that's a big plus in my book.

                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                    I hear from unreliable sources that AC/DC is releasing a new version of an old song they will name "I Got Big Amazeballs"

                                                                  2. re: Kalivs

                                                                    In the immortal words of AC DC

                                                                    I've got big balls
                                                                    I've got big balls
                                                                    They're such big balls
                                                                    And they're fancy big balls
                                                                    And he's got big balls
                                                                    And she's got big balls
                                                                    But we've got the biggest balls of them all