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Rude guest?

Had invited a friend over for dinner tonight and had asked her if she liked fish. She said yes so i bought salmon. when she came over and told her I was going to cook salmon she said not to because she doesn't eat salmon. My fiancé then offered to get takeaway for all of us and she let him. Is it me or is this just out right rude?

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  1. Very rude. I would have just gone ahead with the dinner and she could have eaten the side dishes.
    Never have her over for dinner again.

    46 Replies
      1. re: wyogal

        Agreed. If someone asks "do you like fish", I will assume that anything from sushi to sauteed octopus to tilapia to halibut could be served....the widest possible parameters of "seafood" in type and in types of prep. If I have a qualm about something, I'll say "Oh, everything except jellyfish"....not "yes, I like fish"...and then when salmon's being served do the equivalent of the playground "PSYCH! GOTCHA! but not salmon!"

        Your guest sounds very clueless and spoiled. I would have done as wyogal did.

        1. re: pinehurst

          " Your guest sounds very clueless and spoiled"
          (This post is directed more to the general responses here that at pinehurst in particular)

          I'll accept clueless but I think if anyone is "spoiled" it's probably us hounds who are much more worldly in the ways of food than your typical American. We've been very spoiled by having had the opportunity to try and enjoy all kinds of food, many of us from a young age. In probably 3/4 of this country salmon would be considered an exotic fish and probably half the people in the USA have only experienced canned tuna, fish sticks, or a McFish sandwich.
          My guess is that the guest is young, grew up in a stereotypical meat and potatoes home and the thought that serving fish might mean salmon never would have entered her mind.
          Yes, still rude for her not to suck it up and eat what she was served but OTOH, the OP's fiance did make the gracious offer (kudos for him) and my bet is that he made it in such a way that it sounded like "no big deal", to make the guest feel OK.
          As far as the many posters who are suggesting never to invite this "friend" back, all I can say is WTF? I can't be her friend because she doesn't like salmon and accepted my fiance's offer to get take out? Tough crowd us hounds. Friends are friends. If my friends or I let food likes or dislikes or even the occasional social fopaux dictate our friendships I'd be a single guy eating by myself each night and not because I'm such a class act - I probably would have been dumped way back when I was in my 20's. Next time cook something "safe" for her and finish up with a Betty Crocker cake.

          1. re: bobbert

            ... and who is doing the stereotyping? sheesh.
            It's not about her not liking salmon, she was rude about it. Quite rude. and it wasn't just the salmon, it was everything about the meal. It hurt the hotess' feelings.
            some friend.
            I don't know if I'd dump her as a friend, but I'd never invite her for dinner again.

            1. re: wyogal

              Sheesh. As I said, I think she was rude although I don't believe she deliberately tried to hurt the OP's feelings and intent means a lot.
              Personally, I don't know of anyone who I consider a "friend" who I would not invite to dinner. I regularly, if not always, adjust my menu based on who is coming over whether that means subtracting or, more often, adding dishes.
              By the standards being set here, my own mother wouldn't be invited to my house.
              Yeah, it was rude, the OP's fiance made a very nice gesture to make his guest comfortable and we live and learn. If we value the person's friendship, next time we ask more questions. Hopefully, the guest does some growing up at the same time. In the whole scheme of things, I think this is pretty minor.

              1. re: bobbert

                Bobbert, whilst I agree with most of what you have said, I'm struggling to see how this is a minor issue.

                Yes, you are right our friend did grow up in a meat, potatoe & three veg household and eats quite a bit of fast food so perhaps salmon is considered a little exotic in her world.

                She is in her mid 40's however and should have more of a idea of proper etiquette when invited to dinner in someone's home.

                I agree intent is extremely important, as you stated above and I agree she deliberately try to hurt me but she most certainly was recklessly indifferent to whether I was or not I was.

                I've never seen her behave like this and that is why I have called her my friend...

                1. re: imogenvats

                  For some reason I tend to equate poor manners with my U.S. brethren :-)
                  Except for her age (which makes her announcement that she will not eat salmon quite a bit more rude) I think I filled in the blanks pretty well. I'm also willing to bet that your fiance was so smooth in disarming the situation with his offer that the guest probably didn't even realize that she was putting you out. Because of his quick actions, the opportunity for her to see that she had hurt you may have been missed. He sounds like the hero of this story.
                  As far as this being a minor issue, I guess that's really up to you. Maybe I've been burned so often, as often by family as by friends who don't eat this or that, who have put ketchup on $17 per pound halibut and most recently ice in a glass of $100 bottle of wine that I've learned to slowly shake my head and just move on, making note that "next time, fish sticks for him and a box-o-wine for her".
                  I have quite a few friends who are barely Neanderthals - I make adjustments when they're coming by.

                  1. re: bobbert

                    I had someone put catsup on my cheese souffle.

                    1. re: bobbert

                      You were doing fine until you mentioned "US brethren". Having lived in the UK for 5 years and spent most of my 60+ years involved with foreigners...trust me..it's no wonder Neanderthals evolved in Europe. Some of the comments I got over there and over here were equally boorish

                      1. re: bobbert

                        Very true!! Im slowly learning to be more patient and assertive with people. I too have witnessed some pretty odd behavior still can't help but gasp. Went out with someone who doesn't eat any vegetables who sent his open plate yiros back because there was a tiny piece of capsicum on one of the pieces of meat. Go figure....

                    2. re: bobbert

                      Sorry about my grammar and typos!! I meant "didn't deliberately try to hurt me"

                      1. re: bobbert

                        "it's probably us hounds who are much more worldly in the ways of food than your typical American"
                        and
                        "In probably 3/4 of this country salmon would be considered an exotic fish and probably half the people in the USA have only experienced canned tuna, fish sticks, or a McFish sandwich."

                        1. re: wyogal

                          I assume we're pointing out my stereotyping. I guess I'm guilty and I'll stick to my not-backed-up-by-any-facts claim that as a group, the people who post on this site are more knowledgeable about food than the average man or woman on the street.
                          I'll also stick by my unsubstantiated claim about 3/4 of the people in America considering salmon exotic and their very limited forays into eating fish in general. I will use as circumstantial evidence the lines I see outside of Olive Garden, the Cheesecake Factory or Red Lobster:-)

                          1. re: bobbert

                            I would assume the same. I may be misinformed, I don't know I have never been to America but my sister who has says that while she loved her holiday in the US the diet was punishing. She said that she struggled to find healthy food options and that even the nicer food restaraunts that she went to offered mainly gourmet junk food. She was on budget so in no way am I saying she went to really nice restaraunts but that is the overall feel I got from her. Still find it odd how limited people's diets are when things like salmon are so readily available and sourced from local super markets and not from specialty shops.

                            1. re: imogenvats

                              pls come visit us, but do eat at (real) Asian, Middle Eastern or Mexican joints - we have plenty of great ones in every city! and there is FAR more to be found than what is seen on TV.

                              or plan on day or two of spinach salad, if you go with the standard advertised stuff.

                            2. re: bobbert

                              Cheesecake Factory and Red Lobster both have salmon on their menu. Since farmed salmon became more widely available quite a few years ago, it's sort of become the new chicken breast. So 3/4 of the population may be a bit of an exaggeration.

                              1. re: pamf

                                Actually, the statistics show that 3/4 of the US population does not eat salmon (see one of my other posts somewhere in this thread - I'm not sure how they're organized anymore).

                                I did take the time to look at the menu of the Cheesecake Factory, Red Lobster and Olive Garden (which also has salmon on the menu). For all that's "bad" for you on these menu's in terms of fat, sodium and calories, the salmon dishes are actually pretty good so, if you should find yourself in one of those lines, go with the salmon. I can't vouch for their preparations but at least it won't kill you.

                                1. re: pamf

                                  I would argue that tilapia is the new chicken breast. Salmon is a close second though.

                                  1. re: melpy

                                    Tiliapia does seem to be showing up a lot lately, probably because it is even cheaper than farmed salmon. Can't say that I care for it though.

                                    I think seafood consumption is on the rise in the general population because of health recommendations to eat healthy fats and get omega 3s. This has become pretty mainstream knowledge in the past several years.

                                2. re: bobbert

                                  All of the supermarkets here in Bloomington, Indiana, sell a lot of fish. The biggest seller is salmon (right now, wild king).

                                  1. re: pikawicca

                                    Really? You still have wild king salmon? Everyone here says they're not finding it on the market any more.

                                      1. re: pikawicca

                                        Not previously frozen? I'm jonesing for it.

                          2. re: bobbert

                            I may be wrong, but the OP's spelling and word usage indicates that she was raised in a country heavily influenced by UK spelling and grammar.

                            It's absolutely possible that she, her fiance and the spoiled brat they invited to dinner aren't American at all.

                            People from all over the world read this board.

                            1. re: sunshine842

                              Your a clever cookie :p I'm an Aussie! What gave it away?

                              1. re: imogenvats

                                Takeaway, knickers, keen
                                And the fact that you had Indian takeout.

                                1. re: melpy

                                  Lol, Didn't realise I stood out like a sore thumb :p

                                  1. re: imogenvats

                                    And your spelling "realise." :-) I love Aussies...one of the best vacations of my life was spent in your country.

                                    1. re: jlhinwa

                                      :) Haha, thought that was the only thing that would give me away and yes I live in a very beautiful country, especially fortunate that we are a multicultural country and get to experience a variety of cuisines from all over the world :)

                                      1. re: imogenvats

                                        from what I have heard I'm VERY jealous of the food you have (OK maybe not if you live in Coober Peady) but Sydney? Melbourne? if I ever get to your land I will be spending all my time at the grocery store (yeah Jorn Utzon opera house, stunning bridge,nice bay yeah yeah ... but look at these whelks!)

                                      1. re: imogenvats

                                        Not a sore thumb. It was definitely a few posts before I made the connection.

                                    2. re: imogenvats

                                      imogenvats: "whilst" gave it away, too! And, AFAIK, few Americans say "take away."

                                      1. re: imogenvats

                                        your grammar and spelling -- nothing at all wrong with it, just sussed out that you weren't schooled in the US, thereby not likely American. :)

                                        1. re: sunshine842

                                          Lol, your a very polite person! My spelling and grammar in this thread has been horrific! Being quite emotional while replying to the comments, I haven't then checked over them to ensure they are coherent. Pretty embarrassed :/

                                          1. re: imogenvats

                                            not at all -- as others have mentioned, "whilst", "-ise" rather than "-ize" -- Indian takeaway --- just little flags.

                                            1. re: imogenvats

                                              don't be embarrassed, as linguistic dissection is part of the fun of international forae!

                                          2. re: imogenvats

                                            "Takeaway" is a decided give-away; we Yanks say "take-out."

                                          3. re: sunshine842

                                            I should have noticed that as well. In some pathetic way, knowing that it's not only Americans that grow up in sheltered lives without learning basic manners is reassuring to me.
                                            Edit to add: while I think I rightly shit on my fellow Americans, on further thought, I think my stereotyping of the eating habits of the typical American might be universally true in other countries as well ( when it comes to eating foods other than what they've been raised on).

                                            1. re: bobbert

                                              " In some pathetic way, knowing that it's not only Americans that grow up in sheltered lives without learning basic manners is reassuring to me. "

                                              yes there are assholes all the world over.

                                              once in a late night round of BS I posited it doesn't matter how one quantifies people; race, ethnicity, social class whatever, as the percentage of idiots (and their more welcome counterparts) remains fairly uniform across all boundaries.

                                          4. re: bobbert

                                            "and the thought that serving fish might mean salmon never would have entered her mind."
                                            ~~~~~~~~~~
                                            Ummm....how could it not, bobbert? What is salmon other than FISH? The guest said she liked "fish". She didn't clarify "but only shrimp and scallops" (which technically means she only likes a few types of shellfish) OR "But I don't like oily fishes like mackerel and salmon."

                                            If this were a good friend, I'd suppose one should know whether she actually likes fish or if there are clarifications. So perhaps this was more of an acquaintance friend. But the person should also have clarified and given specifics of which fish she doesn't like vs. just saying "Yes, I like fish." - when there were obvious dislikes in that entire family of food items.

                                            1. re: LindaWhit

                                              If I were being asked or (at the risk of again stereotyping) the average hound, then of course salmon comes to mind but there are many people I know who ate "fish" every Friday growing up who have never tried salmon or many other non-traditional species of their upbringing.
                                              Come on Linda, you're from the Boston area, you have to know people who had cod or haddock every Friday but never salmon. They're so familiar with eating the type of "fish" that they grew up with they don't think "salmon" or monkfish or ahi tuna when someone asks "do you like fish"?
                                              I still contend the guest was rude in not just eating. My only issue in this thread is the giving of the "death sentence" of never again does she get an invite to my house.

                                              1. re: bobbert

                                                But the OP doesn't say she never had salmon. "when she came over and (I) told her I was going to cook salmon she said not to because she doesn't eat salmon".

                                                If my friend invited me over and told me she was making Mexican or Thai, I would ask if she was using cilantro and if so, if she could put a portion aside before adding the cilantro. And if I didn't think to mention it and she served me cilantro, I would choke it down so as not to hurt her feelings.

                                                1. re: dmjordan

                                                  Bingo. The first thing I think of with both Mexican and Thai is cilantro. And because it tastes only of soap to me, I would ask the same thing, dmjordan. I would *try* and choke it down, but because it is such a vile taste for me, I would have difficulty. I probably would do my best to pick out any visible cilantro leaves and hope for the best.

                                                  1. re: dmjordan

                                                    She does mention that she had only tried smoked salmon but would try it even though she disnt like smoked but then sniffed at the other dishes being served as well. IIRC

                                        2. I think that she let your fiance get takeaway was rude. I think that all of us have odd things that we really don't like/care for that aren't necessarily obvious. Salmon compared to canned tuna fish compared to flakey white fish is distinctive. So I could understand a person enjoying fish in general but disliking salmon specifically.

                                          However, when being a guest at a meal made by friends there are better ways to be a guest. Either just eating a lot of sides, asking for a protein of scrambled eggs, whatever. I'm sure everyone on this site has made it through a friend's dinner party where the food wasn't 100% what they wanted to eat. Doesn't mean you make the host order a pizza.

                                          28 Replies
                                          1. re: cresyd

                                            Agree with this. Yes, rude but.... there's fish and then there's salmon. As cresyd says it's a very distinctive flavor, and if all you've ever had was flounder, haddock or cod it can be a shock. I have a number of relatives who eat "fish" but wouldn't eat salmon or a tuna steak. Still, when you're invited to dinner, unless you're allergic or it violates some dietary law or rule, you smile and eat - who knows, maybe you'll find a new favorite food.

                                            1. re: bobbert

                                              I feel the same way about salmon, I can tolerate it if it's well done and well spiced. But I would not turn it down if offered as an entrée. I'd eat a bit, or mention I like it well done, or something like that I guess. It's so popular now that I'm surprised people don't serve it more often, guess I'm just lucky.

                                              Once we went to a friend's for dinner, he had a new girlfriend who was visiting from Greece and she wanted to make some family favorites for us. Speaking to her on the phone, I could tell she was nervous yet excited, and I wanted to make this as easy as possible for her. Then we get there and my husband refused to eat her fish because it wasn't fried, but grilled. I was certainly embarrassed and even tried to eat extra to make up for him. I definitely considered him rude at the time. I would not let her make anything else for him, or god forbid takeout. I know they were a little puzzled and a bit put off by his behavior.

                                              On the other hand, I brought some corn to go with her meal, got it at the local farm which is famous for it. Figured it was a summer BBQ, right? When I handed it to her, I don't think she knew what to do with it so she stuck it in the fridge. I didn't consider that totally rude; but on the other hand, I'm not married to her!

                                              1. re: coll

                                                I know you meant well but an unexpected batch of fresh corn might be the last thing I would want to deal with if I'd already planned dinner. Off the cob, yes. Shucked, maybe. Unshucked - no:-)

                                                1. re: miss_belle

                                                  and like flowers and bottles of wine, unplanned food is a gift to be used or not at the discretion of the host.

                                                  (Me? I'd have been stashing it in the fridge so I didn't have to share :P )

                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                    Thanks for the feedback, I'm trying to remember my reasoning with the corn. I remember her being really nervous that she was serving what she would have made in Greece, she knew how my husband was at trying new foods. So I thought something American would a be fun addition, and something I knew he would eat. She was trying so hard to learn about American cuisine. My plan was to ask for a pot and show her how. She had passed on a few tricks from her home to me. Hopefully her boyfriend taught her about corn on the cob over the next few days. Anyway I'm sure that's not the only contribution I brought! Just the one I remember.

                                                    Poor girl, she was such a sweety but maybe too young, so they broke up and she went back home, to my eternal sadness. Oh well. I really liked her.

                                                2. re: coll

                                                  In some European countries, corn (maize) was fed to the pigs, and certainly not considered human fare on the cob. She probably simply didn't know what to do with it.

                                                  Not all countries grow sweetcorn. I remember tins of sweetcorn in salads in France, but nobody ate corn on the cob. This might have changed 20-30 years later.

                                                  1. re: lagatta

                                                    That's sort of what I had thought too.

                                                    1. re: lagatta

                                                      Nope. Everybody looks at me weird when I buy corn on the cob at the market, and the guy at the local you-pick who was selling his own fresh-picked from his farm a few kilometres away was positively ecstatic to see me. He said I was the only non-African and non-Asian customer he has, and he peppered me with questions for quite a while about how Americans eat corn on the cob, different ways to prepare it, etc., etc. He'd never heard of putting on the barbecue grill, and didn't realize that it needed nothing more than a little butter to reach nirvana, if it's fresh out of the field like his was.

                                                      The stuff in the grocery stores is old and dimpled and has long ago given up all its sugars for starch -- it's no wonder nobody likes it -- the stuff they are selling is only fit to feed to animals.

                                                      1. re: lagatta

                                                        Barbecued corn is very common in Greece—at least in the southern part of the mainland. It's sold on the street as a treat.

                                                        1. re: Jasz

                                                          Thanks for the info! Good to know.

                                                    2. re: bobbert

                                                      Agreed. I love fish but salmon definitely would not be my first choice. That being said, I've been invited to dinner when salmon was served, and I smiled, ate as much as I could, and told the host how delicious it was all the same.

                                                      1. re: bobbert

                                                        Really? I'd say salmon was a pretty safe choice. Even my pretty-conservative-when-it-comes-to-food parents will eat salmon.

                                                        1. re: greedygirl

                                                          Agree that salmon has become fairly mainstream especially with the explosion of fish farming. But it does have a distinctive taste and there are many who were raised on that Friday white fish who have never tried it or on that one try made a face vowing that they'll never eat it again. Several of my relatives fit that category.

                                                          1. re: bobbert

                                                            Such is the western diet that we have soooo many people who only know or appreciate plastic junk food over quality nutritional food! No wonder the western world has so many obese people waddling around!!

                                                          2. re: greedygirl

                                                            Actually it is not a "safe bet." I know plenty of people who won't eat it even on a dare. I have a friend who loved salmon, her birthday is July 2 . She would always have grilled salmon for dinner until the summer her husband put the salmon on the grill and worms came crawling out of the flesh.

                                                            I just don't like the flavor (tastes like muddy weeds to me) or the texture. The first time I had it as adult I expected that I was really going to love it. What a disappointment. I really cannot eat it. I will make an exception for Copper River wild salmon. My husband love that and it does not get over done it is only available mid May to early June and we'll pay prime $$$ for it.

                                                            1. re: Candy

                                                              if it's wild-caught fish, there's a pretty good chance there will be some worms in the flesh, no matter the species.

                                                              If it's been properly cleaned, however, the chance of this are fairly small (the worms in saltwater species, especially, are big enough to be quite visible, allowing them to be excised easily with the tip of a knife)

                                                              1. re: Candy

                                                                It would be a safe choice for me. I've never met anyone who doesn't like salmon. And it has the advantage of coming in fillets. I know lots of people who hate bones in fish, including Mr GG. Drives me insane.

                                                                1. re: greedygirl

                                                                  Just for giggles, I decided to do a little research on salmon in the American diet (sorry - I know the OP is not American but I was lazy).
                                                                  Interesting data from different sources:
                                                                  Salmon is number 3 in the USA in amount of fish eaten behind shrimp and canned tuna.
                                                                  23 million Americans eat salmon more than once per month HOWEVER, only 25% of Americans eat salmon (I'll do some quick math here... that means 75% of Americans do NOT eat salmon at all).
                                                                  These stats came from http://blogs.nicholas.duke.edu/thegre... I will admit that the blog I got this from is not a primary source but it was just easy to find and the author does reference the primary sources if anyone wants to delve further.
                                                                  From another source: 1/3 of Americans eat "fish" once per week while half of all Americans eat fish "seldom or not at all".

                                                                  My gut feelings? A larger percentage of "hounds" fall into the 25% that eat salmon than the percentage of the general public which may explain why so many of us here think of salmon when someone says "fish" but that thought is probably far from universal.

                                                                  Oh, so as not to miss the main point of the discussion - yes, the guest was rude - more so once the OP gave some follow-up info. Just trying to point out that salmon is not quite as mainstream as many of us think.

                                                                  1. re: bobbert

                                                                    I'm not American.

                                                                    According to the Department for the Environment, four out of five households in Britain eat fish once a month. The most popular seafood choice is salmon.

                                                                    1. re: bobbert

                                                                      Using your numbers, 50% of americans basically dont eat fish. 25% of americans eat salmon. Therefore 50% of american fish eaters eat salmon. So that would imply an american fish eater is as likely to eat salmon as not which would make it highly probable that someone who is serving fish would serve salmon. So if you say you eat fish but don't like salmon, remember to point that out. As someone else said, salmon is like chicken breast. It shows up everywhere. Pretty much the only fish option whenever I go to a banquet, wedding or other catered affair. As fish goes, its cheap and plentiful.

                                                                      As an aside, people are much more likely to have eaten fresh salmon than fresh tuna. I remember the first time I had a fresh tuna steak. Now that was a revelation.

                                                                      1. re: Bkeats

                                                                        Ah, the wonders of statistics! Yes, about half of all fish eaters would eat salmon but half don't. 75% of all Americans don't eat salmon at all.
                                                                        Actually, since salmon represents only about 13% of the fish consumed by Americans (the other 87% is shrimp, tuna, tilapia, cod, etc.) there's statistically only a 13% chance that when someone says they are serving fish it would be salmon. There's a 50% chance that if salmon was served, they would like it but only a 13% that someone serving fish tonight will actually be serving salmon. (my head is about to explode)

                                                                        IIRC (this pesky job of mine keeps getting in the way of my chowhounding), another interesting tidbit I found in my half-assed research is that the amount of salmon consumed in the US has increased anywhere from something like 6 to 10 times in the past 20 years so there is hope for us.

                                                                        And I agree with you about tuna. That was indeed an interesting first bite.

                                                                        1. re: bobbert

                                                                          But only shrimp and canned (not fresh) tuna came before salmon (you didn't specify canned or not so I'm going with not) . Shrimp in my book is shellfish, not fish. I would be shocked if someone invited me over for a fish dinner and offered me canned tuna. So "statistically" speaking, the highest probable fresh fish to be offered at a meal would be salmon. Amazing how you can twist any story you want from the numbers.

                                                                          1. re: Bkeats

                                                                            " Amazing how you can twist any story you want from the numbers."
                                                                            As I myself alluded to.
                                                                            Quite a bit of the salmon is also canned. I wouldn't expect canned salmon either.
                                                                            Some people here say that if someone offered fish, they'd be prepared for octopus. I wouldn't but... just saying.

                                                                            Still, the point is that 75% of Americans don't like salmon, 50% don't really like fish at all and if someone were to say "we're serving fish" and we discount shrimp, canned tuna, and canned salmon (no time to look up the % of salmon that's canned) we're probably talking around a 25% chance that salmon might be on the menu.

                                                                            So, yes, the highest probable fresh fish might be salmon but there's a much higher probability that it would be a different fish. Statistics.

                                                                            1. re: bobbert

                                                                              "the point is that 75% of Americans don't like salmon"

                                                                              Actually, no proof of that exists at all in the numbers above. Only 75% don't eat it. 50% have not eaten fish at all. Don't know why that is the case at all. Could be 50% doesn't like fish, finds it too expensive or doesn't have access to it. Even for the 50% of people who do eat fish, perhaps they would eat salmon more regularly but perhaps its too expensive so instead they buy tilapia. Can't draw a conclusion about like or not. Just the likelihood that any random fish meal will have salmon.

                                                                              For example, I love lobster but for health reasons I eat it maybe twice a year. So my consumption wouldn't even hit once a month in a statistical sample. Can you add me to the group that doesn't like it due to low consumption?

                                                                              Volley to you.

                                                                              Like you said earlier, if it it wasn't for this pesky work thing, we could go for a while

                                                                              1. re: Bkeats

                                                                                Good point. The 75% of the public that do not eat salmon might actually love it but they just don't eat it and those who eat lobster would probably be eating salmon if only they didn't have so much darn money to burn.

                                                                                Yeah, work calls me. It's been fun. I'll fold.

                                                                                1. re: bobbert

                                                                                  This discussion reminded me 50% of the time I'm always right.

                                                                          2. re: bobbert

                                                                            I understand that only 1% of salmon have tasted humans..and they were not happy!

                                                                            1. re: FriedClamFanatic

                                                                              I'm not sure that's correct, I've also heard 10 out of every 6 people have problems with statistics.

                                                            2. I think your guest was rude. I have friends like that, and I've stopped inviting them for meals.

                                                              5 Replies
                                                              1. re: Miri1

                                                                A good friend is eternally trying on new live-in girlfriends. Since we see him a few times a week for dinner, we also have to get along with his girlfriend du jour. One of them was a childish, picky, unpleasant little girl. I spent a little while trying to accommodate her meat and potatoes and ketchup dietary choices (with quality from-scratch versions of the crap she usually cooked) before I stopped inviting them over for dinner. If she cooked, I would just eat before we came over to avoid her "creations" (which I was always careful to be complimentary of, even if they made me want to swallow glass). As I got more and more frustrated with her, the few times I invited them over for dinner, I made increasingly "scary" meals, like lamb, and salad with homemade caesar dressing. It was horrible for her, and made me secretly happy.

                                                                  1. re: Jasz

                                                                    Why not cleverly manipulative?
                                                                    now I got it ;)

                                                                    1. re: Jasz

                                                                      some folks need (ask) to be messed with

                                                                  2. You know, I'm of two minds on this one. I think it's rude to refuse the food offered (and perhaps she ought to have noted the salmon thing when you asked after fish) but if your fiancé offered the food straight away, and if it looked like nothing had yet been prepared, perhaps she agreed because it was offered and seemed easier?
                                                                    I don't know. I think you know her better than we do, but if she is your friend, perhaps she deserves the benefit of the doubt-- especially as your bf made an offer?
                                                                    So, rude to refuse the first offer, but not necessarily in accepting the second.

                                                                    9 Replies
                                                                    1. re: Lizard

                                                                      sorry -- I'm not seeing how it's okay to wheedle one's hosts into paying for two meals, one of which is left untouched after ungraciously turning up one's nose at the original offer.

                                                                      The door was left wide open and swinging on its hinges to say "I like any fish *but* salmon" when the OP enquired as to acceptability of fish.

                                                                      Rude to refuse the salmon, freeloading oaf to let the host pay for takeout.

                                                                      1. re: sunshine842

                                                                        Well then clearly I missed something. As I said, it's rude to refuse what so done offers, but I don't see evidence of wheedling- the fiancé offered and that's where I become less comfortable declaring rude, especially as it also seemed that nothing had yet been prepared. I'm not saying I would do this; I'd most likely demur and eat sides, etc. But to escalate the take out to the friend's fault alone in which she is now a 'freeloading oaf' seems predicated on information I did not see, but again, I could have missed something,

                                                                        ETA: And I did miss something- the follow up. With additional information it becomes rude all over.

                                                                        1. re: Lizard

                                                                          Yep, that's what stops me from declaring it rude and wilting in a nice Victorian faint. The fiancé offered and she accepted. If it wasn't a true offer, then that's on him.

                                                                          1. re: Hobbert

                                                                            Of course it was a true offer, it was carried through. However for her benefit only. My fiancé and I were both looking forward to the salmon. She was a guest in our home and being a good host requires you to ensure that you guest is comfortable and happy....

                                                                            1. re: imogenvats

                                                                              Yeah but he didn't have to offer. The requirement to ensure guests' happiness does have its limits. If he didn't want to get takeout you could have just said "hope you enjoy!" and carried on with dinner.

                                                                              1. re: Hobbert

                                                                                I guess I probably shouldn't doubt myself so much.

                                                                                1. re: imogenvats

                                                                                  Hey, if you're annoyed, you have every right to be. Don't let us try to talk you out of your feelings. I don't think you're being unreasonable to be annoyed. It wasn't terribly polite of her. However, as someone who doesn't like salmon, asparagus, or rhubarb, I might have felt relieved if takeout was suggested and assumed dinner wasn't that big of an event if there was an alternative thrown out there. As for paying, well, to me, takeout is cheap and it evens out in the course of a friendship. Just talk to her- that conversation should tell you if it's a friendship worth continuing. Or figure out what else she doesn't like and serve it next time :)

                                                                                2. re: Hobbert

                                                                                  did you see how she sniffed at *every* other dish Imogen made?

                                                                                  No, he didn't have to offer -- but since they were making special dispensation to accommodate her pickiness, she is under the obligation to at least *offer* to pay.

                                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                    My thoughts exactly!!! I know I would have paid.

                                                                      2. Obviously this is rude.

                                                                        I have been in both positions: as a host offering food that a guest refuses and as a guest confronted with food that I don't eat or like.

                                                                        In the former case, I do my best to accommodate the guest and then never invite them again, unless it's to a pot luck. In the latter case, I suck it up and have a few bites or let the host serve it and discreetly avoid eating the offending item.