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Apr 30, 2013 08:12 AM

How much does food contribute to a successful marriage?

I wouldn't say our lives together center around food. We have a lot in common, but looking back over our marriage (25+) it certainly has played an important role. We both love to be in the kitchen in our free time - he bakes (bread and pastries - FCI NYC), and I cook. When we travel - a big part of our travel preparation is where to eat. Birthdays gifts to each other consists of cooking/baking something special for the other. A great deal of the holidays are spent in the kitchen with our kids. On second thought, maybe our lives do center around food!

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  1. As you say, love of the same things and interests clearly aids a long relationship. On the flip side, it's hard to think that if my partner & I had little in common that we'd still be together.

    1. I found your OP adorable and very relating. I met my husband in an International Food warehouse. I think you could say that moment captured our future beautifully. We even have a photo of the two of us at that warehouse (before it closed) framed in our home. While our children remain the soundtrack of our life together, food is part of the way we show love. And like you, I'd be hard pressed to recall an occasion where food wasn't a big part of the pleasure we share. Three of our four children work in the food biz. I have worked in and around food specialists in four diff careers. My guy is a pilot and his career affords us access. We all take turns in the kitchen and enjoy entertaining and being invited to all sorts of food incorporating occasions. I can't think of the last time food didn't come up in conversation; at least 3x's a day. I'm not sure I'd call food the center of our lives as much as the tasty part of our day.

      5 Replies
      1. re: HillJ

        Sounds very much like our house - except that my husband and I are both Engineers - I wish he were a pilot... I tried to get our kids interested in food - but they just like to eat and also went into Engineering (it must be the genes). In any case, thanks for sharing!!

        1. re: acssss

          A household of Engineers-how interesting! But what recipe are you asking for :)

          1. re: HillJ

            Sorry... my reply doesn't work. I have to refresh the screen before I reply to one and then the other. I replied to you and then I replied to Perilagu (comment above yours) - but it posted them both to you.

            1. re: acssss

              Oh np, I just didn't want to be guilty of missing something. :)

        2. Wow. You and your hub sound an awful like the Khantessa and I. Hell, I think I won her over with my chicken-and-sausage gumbo. ;)

          3 Replies
          1. re: Perilagu Khan

            If I didn't know better, I might think you were my husband! He did the same for me, although his was a seafood based, chicken sausage gumbo. This was 20 years ago and we still joke about the most expensive pot of gumbo ever because he decided to make it in the dead of winter in NE.

            1. re: Perilagu Khan

              Hmmm... recipe please? (my reply to you was misplaced and was posted as a reply to HillJ - so here is another try)

              1. re: acssss

                I'll see what I can do. It's basically a modified recipe from The New Orleans Cookbook by Richard and Rima Collin.

            2. I think it can definitely help if both people are into food. And I do have a teeny bit of envy when I see couples talking about the finer points of a meal.
              But every couple is unique.
              Mr. gator is an eat to live person. And I love to eat, cook, read about, watch shows about any and all kinds of food. It's my main hobby. But our marriage is great, that's just one thing we don't have in common.

              4 Replies
              1. re: alliegator

                Same here allie. SO is not really a food person although he enjoys good food, just like anybody else does, and he appreciates everything I make for him. Me on the other hand, am rather obsessed. Like you said too, I am envious when I see couples who enjoy food together, but in the end that's just one part of our relationship, and we have plenty of other things in common that we like. Besides, I hate having people in the kitchen with me when I'm cooking haha

                1. re: juliejulez

                  Ha! Good point about other people in the kitchen. I hate that. It's the one room in the casita that I have complete control over and I like it that way :D

                2. re: alliegator

                  Same here - Mr. Muss eats because if he didn't, he would die. He's wistfully talked about a future where we could take a pill instead of eating. He also enjoys a good meal, and is supportive of my hobby/mania though, which is the important part. He'll manfully choke down whatever mess I put in front of him - and there are usually more misses than hits. I do sometimes wish for a couplehood that involves chopping side-by-side and taking turns stirring the pot. I put a dish in the oven the other night, set the time, and asked him to take it out when the timer went off. I hopped in the shower and came out to find a still raw dish sitting on the stove with 10 minutes left on the timer. He heard the oven beep when it preheated and thought that was that. Dinner was late that night.

                  1. re: alliegator

                    Yep, we fall into this category too. DH likes to eat but when he cooks, it is bare minimum, can-opening stuff. He doesn't share my interest in recipes, markets, cookbooks, etc.

                    We do, however, have lots in common and it has worked for us for 25+ years. Fortunately, I have plenty of friends who enjoy cooking and opportunities for cooking outside of the home so it all works out.

                  2. My husband and I share a love of cooking, though we are not always compatible in the kitchen. :-) In our 32 years of marriage, we have had times when one or the other of us have been more into cooking than the other, or have had more or less time to cook than the other so it definitely hasn't been a consistent thing.

                    Unfortunately, we aren't much alike in what we enjoy to eat, especially since he adopted a vegetarian diet about 15 years ago. I am an omnivore and could not imagine living without seafood and pork in my diet. Our 12-year-old daughter is a proud omnivore despite her father's attempts to lure her over to the dark side of vegetarianism. Her motto is "I'll eat anything, as long as it's dead." Love that girl!

                    Thankfully, we have other interests in common and are very much aligned in our core beliefs, so it all works out okay. Still, I try every now and again to lure him back to meat. Two years ago, I told him all I wanted for Christmas was for him to eat meat again. The perfect gift--no shopping, no wrapping, no thinking involved. Alas, I had to settle for a lovely Coach handbag instead.

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: jlhinwa

                      I like meat more than my husband as well - but I usually make dinner that has enough items that both of us can enjoy it all. For us the bread is what connects us. It's the bread - the bread is a passion that we both share - and can be eaten with meat and vegetarian food!