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If I owned a restaurant, I would/would not.....

One thing I would do is give everyone SPOONS.I've noticed a trend toward not providing spoons unless one orders soup, so if you have some sauce that you wish to eat every bit of, you need to sop it up with bread, or lick the plate.
I would NOT place the women's bathroom two miles away.

I'm sure I'll be adding more things as I think of them...

...oh, and be realistic; no "I'd serve Chateaubriand and charge $2."

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  1. I expect a spoon, at least one - that is how I was taught to set a table about 70 years ago, and I've seen no notice that the rules have changed.

    I would also make a point of asking when the diners would prefer their salad, and would require bussers to ask - politely! - before removing a plate or bowl. One "fancy" local restaurant has some fetish about grabbing an "empty" dish off the table without ceremony; a snail plate is NOT empty if there's sauce on it and I've just gotten some bread from the basket!

    6 Replies
    1. re: Will Owen

      AMEN on the snails! First time I had snails was at a little place in Philly. They came to the table, SIZZLING" away in stoneware crocks in DEEP individual holes. They were in a dreamy butter/garlic sauce with finely chopped nuts... maybe hazel nuts? Know we asked for more bread a few times so we coud get ALL of that "healthy" goodness sopped up!

      1. re: kseiverd

        Kseiverd - your snail paragraph makes me want to weep with desire. I think I would stab someone with a fork if they tried to take the snail plate away before we got every drop sopped up.

        If I owned a restaurant, I would print the specials with prices as a menu insert. Mr. CB turns deaf in a restaurant and asks the server to repeat the specials 2 or 3 times, waits until he/she walks away and then asks me "now what were the specials?"

        1. re: cleobeach

          I'm a lot like Mr. Beach, Cleo. If I'm with someone, and someone else starts talking to me out of the clear blue, I kind of freeze up and don't hear what the interrupting talker is saying. Happens all the time. I could never have been an actor, criminal lawyer, or politician.

        2. re: kseiverd

          For me, that place was the Brasserie Pittsbourg in Seattle's Pioneer Square. Though I knew I already liked cooking with wine (moules, coquilles), I had so many new things there that were so vinlicious, and it started with the snails.

          1. re: Jay F

            I remember eating at Brasserie Pittsbourg for my 11 or 12th birthday way back in the early 70s. I thought I was so grown-up eating snails. In later years, I realized that what I really loved was garlic and butter together, but I bragged about those snails for months.

            1. re: Jay F

              Aah... Brasserie Pittsbourg! Sigh. Miss that resto... as a life-long Seattleite, and from a family of good eaters, my dad took me there as a kid. Loved that place! My intro to French food.

              Delicious memories!

        3. Sometimes knives are hard to come by too. Or a sharp steak knife. I'd be sure to have plenty of knives.

          Also good lighting. I don't think a restaurant should be so dark you can't read their menu.

          Always list prices...including drinks from the bar.

          Bread must be warm and butter soft.

          9 Replies
            1. re: Bliss149

              Butter at all! I don't particularly care for the saucer olive oil sprinkled with dried herbs.

              1. re: NonnieMuss

                Nor the oil with balsamic vinegar. You would NEVER be served that in Italy!

            2. re: HillJ

              Yes. A sharp steak knife. I'm left handed, and regular knives are pointless save for buttering bread.

              1. re: NorthEncantoGirl

                What does being left-handed have to do with that?????

                1. re: sandylc

                  Many butter type knives only have the "teeth" on the left side, which renders them useless for cutting for people that are left handed. My mom is a leftie and I got to hear all about it growing up. :)

                  1. re: juliejulez

                    Learn something new every day, I guess!

                    That said, I don't recall the last time I used a table knife to cut with.....

                2. re: NorthEncantoGirl

                  In my home, I wouldn't serve a steak that had to be cut with a steak knife. So IF I ordered a steak in a restaurant, I would expect at least the same quality of meat. Just sayin'

                  1. re: c oliver

                    I remember once my Dad asking for a steak knife. Reply: "Sir, if you can't cut the steak with the knife you have, we will replace your steak.' Good answer!

              2. MAKE the potato salad. I can't believe how many places serve that slop that comes out of a bucket from Sam's.

                1. Written specials! With prices! I hate listening to the long spiel then having to ask for a price and, oh, can you repeat the first one and what was the side with the last special? So frustrating.

                  1 Reply
                  1. Clean with smelly PINESOL. I hate walking into a restaurant and smelling that stuff and it happens ALL the time.

                    2 Replies
                    1. re: Bliss149

                      My favorite auntie hated the smell of pinesol used in cleaning bathrooms, she said it smelled like somebdy shit on a Christmas tree.

                      1. re: EWSflash

                        I think she just became MY favorite auntie, too!