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Sh&t happens

SO thinks I overstepped my welcome here, at a time when I was so happy to begin interacting. If so I am sorry, truly. I don't want to rile people up, that's so not my goal. If I'm still welcome here, I'd be relieved to do so. My SO is a diabetic, had a stroke, and I first read here to learn the real-life whats and what nots to learn about food and diet. If I offended anyone I am sorry. I get scared. Food is life, sometimes food is what can end life, and sometimes it's hard to distinguish between comfort and life, and which is more important. SO and I tend to think that comfort is more important, but I wonder why we can't have both.

This site is important, not only for foodies but for people who want to learn about the risks and value of food available, in multiple regions. I hope I can continue to post here and learn here, if for no other reason than that I've seen such sensible, compassionate posts here, and that I can learn about what is valuable and worthwhile and worth pursuing.

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  1. All I can say is welcome to the club.

    You will be hard pressed to find any of the regular posters who haven't had their nimble typing fingers slapped at least once or twice (mostly for good reason) mine were. Live and learn.

    3 Replies
    1. re: KaimukiMan

      a couple of ps notes:

      1) it's too good a screen name to loose
      2) is it just your SO that thinks you went a fridge too far?

      1. re: KaimukiMan

        I'm not sure what to say, here. SO does think so, after discussion. He and I don't have a large "real life" social circle, due to illness and our aging social life, "real life" friends, circumstance. Nevertheless, if I reached out in an online circle where I'm not welcome, so be it. I apologize for any offense, I never intended any, just hoped for some stimulating discussion. I'll get on, online or not, so will SO. I just hoped I could share some insights and enjoy some interaction, here, mutual interests on food, nutrition, it seemed like a nice place for some casual, interesting, interaction.

        1. re: afridgetoofar

          I have nothing but a positive opinion of the things you've posted.

    2. Um, there are probably a large number of people who, like me, have no idea what you're talking about. Keep posting and remember: when the belly is full the mind goes blank.

      12 Replies
      1. re: rccola

        "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker" (t.s. elliot)

            1. re: sr44

              omg, my bad! and i first learned some of her work in 4th grade. shame on me!

          1. re: KaimukiMan

            Actually boys and girls, it's Ogden Nash.

            1. re: roxlet

              I thought it was Willy Wonka (food reference bonus points)


              1. re: HillJ

                Willie Wonka quoting Ogden Nash :). Poor Ogden. Everyone else get credit for his cleverness.

                1. re: roxlet

                  its a sad commentary that the answer was on youtube of all places. hats off to roxiet. im doubly ashamed now.

                  1. re: roxlet

                    I was teasing. Ogden has nothing to fear.

                    1. re: HillJ

                      Don't worry about Dorthy Parker. She has a pretty great line on this subject with he quip "I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host."

                      1. re: Servorg

                        I modified that one to "when it comes to martinis there is a very fine line between 3 and 7"

                        1. re: hill food

                          When it comes to Martinis the line is very blurred between 7&10!

          2. Thank you, both of you. To err is human, eh. I'd like to believe that people can discuss things with passion as well as reason, and learn from those discussions. It's comforting to me to think that people aren't so different, when it comes to discussions of what sustains us, in ways we can all understand and appreciate and carry on. Life is messy. I can live with messy. Messy doesn't mean we can't carry on, learn, live from each other, and take comfort from our mutual mistakes, and find happiness in common ground as well as in our differences. Thank you for your responses.

            1. What the fuck are you talking about?

              11 Replies
              1. re: ipsedixit

                Again, I don't know what to say to this. I guess I'm oversensitive. I posted some things recently that I thought in retrospect might be thought of as offensive, when at the time I just thought I was tossing out food for thought, so to speak. After having discussion of the same topic here on this side of the monitor, to get some real life feedback, however, it was suggested to me that I had appeared offensive. If so, sorry. :O This is a site for discussions about food, not about individual quirks.

                It's not like I'm the first or will be the last person to post potentially inflammatory thoughts online, but I'd prefer to think I can get through life without unnecessarily bruising sensibilities, regardless of how I feel about their choices or lifestyles. Go to.

                1. re: afridgetoofar

                  Again, I'm sitting at the computer and TV supposed to get something done with hubby at his computer in his office probably also faking working and YOU'RE TEARING YOURSELF UP ABOUT NOTHING. Join a couple of different threads. 99% of the people here (if not 100%) have no idea what you're talking about. DROP IT. POST A FAVORITE RECIPE.

                  (But maybe you are mixed up and you think you're on a site discussing the Kardashians or something and so have reason to be upset. Really. This is just about what we ate or cooked or bought, not politics or gun control or anything important.

                  Today I had Indonesian with my husband and our daughter: rendang ((of course)), nasi goreng, a chicken stew and smashed fried chicken with sambal on top. What did you have?)

                  1. re: rccola

                    ahhhh... I posted this below in reponse to a post that has been deleted by the OP. I wish it was still here, it was deserved and I appreciated it... Anyway, below is my response to that reply. And, I'm done, now. I wish everybody good eats and happy days. I don't know what the "liquor is quicker" reply was about, but whatever, carry on and be happy however you choose to be happy.


                    LOL. Thank you. I guess SO and I do spend too much time bleeding internally about things over which we have no control, and worry too much about our online presence and its very small, wee, impact on readers, how egotistical of us. :O Thank you. I appreciate your common sense!

                    Tonight I did a stir fry for dinner with blanched gai lan, some bits of leftover chicken, steamed rice, etc., and red bean stuffed mochi, bought at the same store where I bought the huge sack of gai lan for under 3$. I love that store. I can come home with a week's worth of groceries from that market for a fraction of what I'd pay at the Price Chopper store down the street.

                    1. re: afridgetoofar

                      there you go, read the site's guidelines, keep it on topic. God knows I stray and get cut (ouch). Just search the Home Cooking and/or General board for similar diabetic issues and I'd say asking away on these with specifics in those places will probably fly. occasionally I cook for people with special dietary needs, and doing a simple search first does cut out a lot of needless wonder, like "why is nobody responding? etc).

                      most posters do express a LOT of empathy.

                      my motto is usually "if I want to ask it, then probably hundreds+ more already have"

                      if you've truly crossed a line, the mods will generally let you know through a discreet e-mail. a deletion here or there is par for the course.

                      In that regard under a Home Cooking thread regarding cooking for/with diabetes, your stir-fry method would probably be let stand (just guessing here).

                      1. re: hill food

                        Thank you. I'm new to the posting online scene. I didn't have my knuckles rapped by a moderator, but did get some negative feedback and felt embarrassed, of course. It's hard to judge what's acceptable or appreciated online, faceless, voiceless, so I do appreciate your response here. I'll learn, from feedback good and bad, but of course I would rather get thoughtful, compassionate feedback. When considering future postings I certainly will think, "Who else has asked", and do some research before blurting out questions or opinions on my keyboard.

                        1. re: afridgetoofar

                          and pls don't forget it's easy for any of us (you, me, anybody) to sound abrupt when it's not necessarily meant. the shorthand in our heads doesn't always translate to the keyboard.

                          1. re: afridgetoofar

                            I am quite confused here. What exactly did you do wrong?

                            1. re: andrew_eats

                              I was overly opinionated and brusque on a thread a while back, at least to my, and maybe some others way of thinking. My bad. If I take the time to think and not just react I prefer to be civil and thoughtful, in at least one instance I wasn't and now it's on the World Wide Web for all to see. I won't delete what I posted, which I could, because that would be cowardly and I don't think my opinions were wrong just perhaps too strongly worded. I don't like thinking I've hurt anyone's feelings, so I apologize here, and I'll be more restrained in any future postings, that's all.

                              1. re: afridgetoofar

                                Don't beat yourself up and don't isolate yourself over a post or two. This is one very well-mannered and pretty forgiving forum. Love of food apparently builds bridges and mends fences. :)

                                1. re: afridgetoofar

                                  Do link that post to this thread. So everyone can review it. Otherwise, this is a bit vague.

                          2. re: afridgetoofar

                            "candy is dandy" was in reply to rccolas comment about a lack of thought process that can occur after two much food. I was implying that too much alcohol can have the same (potentially disastrous) side effects. The original intent of Ms. Parker's quip was not geared toward food, but a different kind of hunger and how to access the reward.

                    2. If you haven't found the Special Diets board yet, this may be more helpful to you than the Home Cooking Board. Many Chowhounds using the SD board share a common health concern or dietary challenge.


                      3 Replies
                      1. re: HillJ

                        wow I never noticed the Special Diets board before, my nephew is marrying into a largely gluten intolerant family and I need to adapt some favorite familyrecipes for him. THX, HillJ

                        1. re: hill food

                          I read the SD board every day, have yet to contribute. Wealth of information over there.

                          1. re: hill food

                            jump on to special diets please. need more people over there. thanks.

                        2. Also, afridget, I can see thru your profile that you spend time on the Not About Food thread. That board covers some hot topics thru passionate opinion. I hope you'll discover some of the other boards around the site to get a full picture of this food loving community.

                          And, you are absolutely right-shit happens.

                          10 Replies
                          1. re: HillJ

                            It has always baffled me what the Not About Food thread *was* about. Are there parameters? (I don't post here for social reasons but to get hints about restaurants/food/cooking but now I'm curious. I may have replied to something that came up with the new format that doesn't ask one to pick a forum automatically.)

                            1. re: rccola

                              I can see your point. I'm new to this site too. A few weeks back, I didn't spell the name of a wine correctly. I think I added an "s" to it. Boy, was I corrected quickly! Felt like a dang slap on the hand.......ya just gotta go on. :)

                              1. re: chloebell

                                I'm not new. My name is new because I left for quite a while and then came back without remembering what name I used. My leaving was first because there's someone on the SFBay board who seems determined to ruin the business of any restaurant he finds challenging to one he likes, etc. and I didn't want to spend my time sparring rather than reading balanced reviews/food comments/cooking tips (whoever told about freezing and microplaning ginger needs to be rewarded in heaven.)

                                That and I was very ill.

                                1. re: rccola

                                  very ill in a "let's not discuss food" way...

                                  and the guy I'm talking about was "this site's only big enough for one expert!"

                                2. re: chloebell

                                  don't know if you were on the wine board but, whoa! those guys are crazy over there.

                                3. re: rccola

                                  If you have questions about the Not About Food board, this "FAQ" my be of help:


                                  1. re: carolinadawg

                                    Well chalk one up to stupidity. I read it and STILL don't exactly know.

                                  2. re: rccola

                                    hi rccola. I see the sticky for NAF board was offered. every board has one that explains the parameters a bit. but much is left open ended to be flexible. which is why the moderation often comes into play; only the Mods fully understand just how flexible any thread can get.

                                    we all get deleted from time to time.

                                    1. re: HillJ

                                      Thanks for the reassurance. I'm not too worried about being deleted--something I posted here was deleted when the OP deleted (or the mods deleted) the post I was responding too. Far as I can see, you're not supposed to really bitch about restaurants, etc. but where the board differs from the rest (like bitching about the service in a restaurant thread about the restaurant is ok) is mysterious to me.

                                      I'm not emotionally upset about this at all so don't waste good football watching on this!

                                      1. re: rccola

                                        You're not coming across as upset, just looking for clarification. Trust me, I ask for clarification all the time. We learn from each other :)

                                4. Fridge, I first ran across your screen name in the thread about eating endangered species. I didn't really have anything to add, except for the lame joke about how a loon (the Minnesota state bird, I'm from Minnesota) tastes a little like a cross between a bald eagle and a whooping crane). Those kinds of threads bring out the intolerance in some people. 

                                  Early in my time here (2010, not so long ago) I got in a heated discussion with an individual about 'eating local'.  We both got several posts deleated and the thread was locked after my last post. In fact, I was the cause of another thread getting locked back then, although I do not recall what the topic was. I also got posts deleted and admonishing e-mails from the moderators. Apparently, I was naughty. While I still get posts deleted occasionally, (some were off topic, some were little testy exchanges) I have not gotten an e-mail from a moderator in at least a couple of years. i have learned to be a bit more judicious with my posts. I start and delete posts before finishing on a regular basis. (I wonder if anyone else does this)? 
                                  Do not let this bit of angst over a couple of posts keep you from participating here. We need the thoughts from someone who can come up with a username like yours. (I wish I had lurked a little more here before jumping in so I would have something more interesting than 'John E.' I should have gone with "A Few Good Melons").

                                  (Every once in a while there is a thread started in Site Talk with the topic being annoying and irritating posters. I never participate in those threads out of fear I am one of the offenders).

                                  13 Replies
                                  1. re: John E.

                                    Fridge, I just read that post too. For the record, I loved what you said, and the sentiments behind it, and I love your screen name.

                                    I think it was on topic, just in a much wider sense. I liked the compassion in it, the thought behind it.

                                    There are a few whose posting style I find quite abrupt and sometimes even rude. I have no idea if they are even aware of it. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt at the same time. Often over time I get used to their posting style and realize that they aren't being malicious, it's just how they come across. Just very blunt and factual.

                                    1. re: ursy_ten

                                      The benefit of the doubt is so important around here. Speaking for my CH writing, many of my replies on a thread are short because I'm lazy, on the road trying to type, not always in the mood for lengthy replies...but I don't wish to appear rude or blunt....I read faster than I type.

                                      1. re: HillJ

                                        "I read faster than I type."

                                        Trouble comes when I drink faster than I type and then I think slower than I read...

                                        1. re: HillJ

                                          I always read you as friendly HillJ.

                                            1. re: HillJ

                                              As the OP of the endangered species thread, I had no problem at all with what fridge said. I can usually tell the difference here between passion and ranting and raving for shock value only.

                                              Especially in other people:)

                                              1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                I can't always tell tone or intent from reading words on a page. Humor is often lost without sound. If you can tell, you're fortunate. That's why I try very hard to read with the benefit of the doubt. Why I use so many smiley faces or !! to add to my delight. My words have been misunderstood and I have definately been guilty of the same.

                                                I think time is about the only way to get to know the commenting habits of a fellow CH....stick around long enough and time takes care.

                                      2. re: John E.

                                        If it helps, we don't really lock threads on a 'straw that broke the camels back' basis -- it's never one person's post, even if that person is the last person to have posted. Often, in fact, the last visible post is the last okay post before we started removing them, rather than being the problem at all

                                        1. re: The Chowhound Team

                                          Yea, I get that. When I said last post, I meant the last one deleted before the thread got locked. I haven't participated in any threads that have gotten locked in the last couple of years. I learned my lesson. (Although I've read a couple of locked threads and really, really wish to respond).

                                          1. re: John E.

                                            Even there, we promise it wasn't (entirely) your fault!

                                            1. re: The Chowhound Team

                                              +1 it was entirely John's fault. (Just joking John I'm now poking a mod with a stick let's see if it get's this thread locked.....this response taken down....or a joking response back from the Mod's)

                                              I'm betting they remove this response. Prove me wrong Mod's!!! Show you have a sense of humor under that delete button!!!

                                                1. re: jrvedivici

                                                  sheessh, wise up, they're trying to be nice, it WAS you.

                                        2. I'm not really sure I'm following everything you are saying but I get the general idea. Fact of the matter is if you were able to make this post (although I am surprised with the title the mods didn't take this down) but if you are able to start this thread then you're obviously not banned. So if your not banned you didn't do anything that outrageous so just move on.

                                          It's very common for people to misunderstand the written word so get use to it. The more you contribute the more your likely you are to possibly find someone of a differing opinion. Don't sweat it.

                                          1. If you want to participate in online message boards you have to have a slightly thick skin. Just the way it is. This is about the "kindest, gentlest" one I've ever participated in.

                                            1. I usually respond in two ways here on Chowhound. Usually with help on the Space Coast of Florida and Milwaukee. The other is with tongue firmly in cheek and double entendres. And I was banned for two weeks the first month I logged in.

                                              I have learned to state my opinion, clarify later on if needed, and then cease to beat a dead horse. Some folks just like to pick an argument just for their entertainment.

                                              1. I just, very trepidatiously, checked in here. I'm relieved, grateful, breathing out. Thank you, all of you, who replied here with such sensible, humane, compassionate perspectives.

                                                I realize that our online personas are just that, I prefer to nurture than nag. It comforts me that others have gone through their online growing pains, so to speak,and have continued to offer fine, kind, sensible words about what we eat, how we eat, and how what we eat impacts on our lives and our world.

                                                This is why I've read here for so long. This is why I decided to enter the fray and offer my input. It fascinates me to see how others have come to their respective epiphanies, or learned through hard and often sad experience what to say to others who may be going through the same challenges.

                                                Thank you. The poster who deleted her/his? post here said I wasn't posting to a site about the Kardashians, or politics. I agree. This site is about food. Food is life. What I've read here has been a boon, and I'm grateful. Thank you, those of you who shared your insights and I'll certainly continue to read, if not post, because this website is interesting, and makes the world a more interesting place for anybody who comes across it and stays.

                                                5 Replies
                                                1. re: afridgetoofar

                                                  Post away. You are impassioned, funny, and wise.
                                                  Add your voice to the cacophony.

                                                  1. re: afridgetoofar

                                                    Just as an FYI, one can't delete ones own post once one hits "reply". Only the moderators can do that.

                                                    1. re: carolinadawg

                                                      However, if it's in the 2 hour "self edit" window we can always go back and zap all of our own content and leave an ellipsis or something instead (effectively deleting what we may have written in a moment of pique).

                                                      1. re: Servorg

                                                        been there done that. and more than once wished the next morning i had.

                                                    2. re: afridgetoofar

                                                      Weighing in late, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a regular who hasn't done that--come off more harshly than intended. There are CHs who I think have a natural gift w/ words and seem to always come off kind, which is why it's surprising to see them in this thread confessing that they've done the same. As others have said, much is lost in posted word, especially when you're trying to be as succinct as possible on a cell phone (my experience). I've also read people being offended by others' posts when I didn't think they were offensive at all--we all have different levels of, um, skin thickness... If it happens, an apology at the time of the thread is most helpful; and less confusing than on another thread/board. Like others, I have no idea what you've been beating yourself up over and I agree w/ Kaimukiman that your poster name is far too clever to lose!

                                                    3. Is it bad that this thread kind of makes me want to be more provocative online. I've only ever had one comment deleted! I should have more fun... ;)

                                                      1. :O

                                                        That's a good emoticon, isn't it, for embarrassment. I'm new to this scene. I've been reading online sites for so long but never posted, and here I went and made a sight (site) of myself... :O

                                                        It is encouraging and comforting to me to see so many responses that don't attack my weakness, that are kind and I appreciate that.

                                                        Oh goodness I don't want to encourage anyone to be provocative online. There's enough of that in this world, and in this mini online world I have loved more than anything that people are willing and able to disagree over things but still find common ground, and be civilized. What mortified me more than anything was the thought I got "tetchy" (health reasons, fatigue, whatever, no excuse) and snarked at anyone here who didn't deserve that conduct.

                                                        I guess I'm an idealist. I'd love for people from all over the world, through all generations, to be able to discuss concepts and real-life successes and not-so-successes, and just be there for each other. The world is a scary place, sometimes. But we're all in this together, to quote "Red/Green/", eh?

                                                        1. Keep posting if you enjoy the banter of the site.

                                                          I had several posts removed and was admonished sternly by moderators twice, for posting things they thought were belittling or threatening.

                                                          I've very recently re-visited the site and have posted several times. However, I see a decline in posting activity (this is particularly in our regional board "Southern New England") but overall the activity just isn't there.

                                                          There's a fine line between the safety, comfort and dignity of the internet community -- and micro-managing.

                                                          Perhaps the current dearth in posting has something to do with it.

                                                          2 Replies
                                                          1. re: shaogo

                                                            I agree. It seems like posting on the Southeast Board is waaay down, and I can't help but wonder if the heavy handed moderation has something to do with that.

                                                            1. re: carolinadawg

                                                              really? I thought they'd lightened up a bit lately. but the pendulum takes time to swing back.

                                                          2. I think we should all join hands and sing Kumbaya. Smores, anyone?

                                                            3 Replies
                                                              1. re: HillJ

                                                                Have marshmallows and Graham crackers, matches, will travel. Bring chocolate of choice. S'mores, open fire, mmmmm. Singing? Nobody wants to hear me sing. But I can build a good crackling bonfire.

                                                                Sing away! I'd love it.

                                                                1. re: afridgetoofar

                                                                  Signing and dancing, afridge. Try to find the "dancing in the grocery aisle" thread for more insider :0) intel.

                                                            1. What does "DH" mean? "Dear Husband"?
                                                              Still learning some of these acronyms.

                                                              3 Replies
                                                                1. re: globocity

                                                                  I was wondering, globocity, what globocity means. And also, how it's pronounced.

                                                                  glo-BAH'-ci-TEE? glow-bow-CI-ty?

                                                                  1. re: Jay F

                                                                    glow-bow if you're watching TV in Brazil.