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Kitchen Misunderstandings with the Significant Other

Something a fellow chowhound posted about a kitchen mishap she had with her husband led me to think it might be fun to share some of our odd/strage/funny misunderstandings in the kitchen with our significant other.

In my case most of the mishaps related to food shopping rather than cooking since my partner rarely comes into the kitchen (I'm a bit of a control freak in there).

Example 1: I asked him to pick me up a few bunches of green onions at the market. I should have known something was up, but I told him that they are always in bunches but if for some reason they were loose that he should get me 12 green onions.

He came home with a huge bag of 12 leeks. I laughed my butt off, and luckily he thought it was funny also.

Example 2: I asked him to grab 2 whole wheat and 2 regular baguettes at the bakery as we were having some company. When I saw him come home with a few bags from Safeway I asked if he went to the bakery. He said yes that he had been and the presented me with 4 huge french loaves from the safeway bread case. Again I laughed but this time he didn't think it was so funny. I explained that when I said bakery I meant the neighbourhood baker we go to all the time and not the bread case at the local safeway. Also, while a baguette is technically a French type of bread it was not interchangeable with any loaf of French bread.

He got the point, and we are now much clearer when discussing errands.

What funny mishaps or miscommunications have you had in your home kitchen.

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  1. OK, I can't resist - I've just got to publish this joke I received right before the holidays.

    Avocado Shopping

    My lovely wife, Chris asked me, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."
    A short time later I came back with six cartons of milk.
    Chris asked me, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"
    I replied, "They had avocados."

    If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
    Men will get it the first time.
    My work is done here. Retirement is not easy.

    My DH and I have had things like this happen as well. He likes to do all the shopping!

    33 Replies
    1. re: boyzoma

      I seriously think we're married to the same man.

      1. re: boyzoma

        Speaking of milk. Sent my husband to buy a gallon of whole milk. Told him to get "one gallon of milk with the red cap." He came home with strawberry milk.

        Costco- please pick up mango. If they have it pre sliced, get a container. If not, get a case. End result... A case of pre sliced containers of mango.

        Reason why husband does not do the shopping: at any given time, we have Poland spring water in mini bottles, 16oz bottles, sport bottles, and gallons. Pellegrino and several cases of seltzer take up several shelves too

        1. re: cheesecake17

          There are many reasons why Mr. CB isn't "allowed" to go to the grocery store and cheesecake17's water inventory is just one perfect example.

          1. re: cheesecake17

            the only advice that my husband's ex-wife gave to me... don't let him go to Costco alone. :D

              1. re: KarenDW

                He can't!!!! He's not a member, only I am :)

            1. re: boyzoma

              Anyone with a computer science background gets it the first time :)

              Similar: A programmer's wife tells him, "While you're at the grocery store, buy some eggs." He never comes back.

              1. re: DGresh

                Ok, DGresh, I confess: I am a programmer's wife, but I don't get it.

                1. re: DGresh

                  I am a programmer's wife. I get it. (eye roll)

                  1. re: DGresh

                    I shared this with my (software engineer) SO and he laughed and laughed. Good one!

                      1. re: southernitalian

                        In a computer program, a "while" loop is something where you say something like "while done=false do.... and then inside the loop you might say "if I find what I'm looking for, done=true". And you exit the loop (that is "return") because now the condition for "while done=false" is no longer fulfilled. So here the while says "while you're at the grocery store, buy eggs. He's still at the grocery store, so he buys eggs. He's still at the grocery store, so he buys eggs. and so on. It's a very geeky joke.

                        1. re: DGresh

                          Yeah, but a real software developer would eventually stop buying the eggs in order to get a fresh can of Mountain Dew.

                          1. re: davis_sq_pro

                            HA. Or programmer pellets (M&Ms, peanuts, whatever works).

                            So painfully true.

                            1. re: HillsofBeverly

                              Hahaha! In our unit we counted the colors of M&Ms in vending machine bags over lots of time and created a graph with colored M&Ms as plot points. When I posted it outside my cubicle, the boss was a bit concerned. I can't remember now what my answer to him was, but we didn't get in trouble!

                    1. re: DGresh

                      I told my mathematician husband, who laughed out loud. And then explained it to me!

                      1. re: DGresh

                        I'm doubly jinxed: Mr. Pine is both a computer engineer and mathematician, so very bright, but not real practical-minded.

                        Three true experiences:
                        We were grocery shopping together (which is now verboten). Told him I had forgotten tomato paste, about 2 aisles back, and please go get a can; gave detailed explanation about the can--small, not tomato sauce, approximate location on the shelf. I continued to shop, actually got up to the check out before he returned with his hand behind his back. Said "they didn't have what you wanted" [yeah, right], "but can't you use this instead?" And whipped out a box of corn flake crumbs. Sure, perfect substitution.

                        Second story: needed marshmellows and hunted all over the baking aisle for them. He said "of course you can't find them, they're with the vegetables." He thought they were veggies (yes, I know there's a "mallow," but hardly what works in Rice Krispie treats.)
                        That's why he's verboten in the store with me.

                        Finally, tried to engage him as a sous chef. Told him to beat an egg for me. He held up an egg between his index finger and thumb, told it "I don't know what you did to be so bad, but here it comes," and then used his other hand to pretend to smack the heck out of it.

                        At least he makes me laugh!

                        1. re: DGresh

                          I messed up the joke and my husband is still laughing!

                        2. re: boyzoma

                          uh, no... i got it before the punchline. jeebus.

                          1. re: boyzoma

                            I'm a woman & got it the first time! : )

                              1. re: boyzoma

                                I'm also a woman, and I got it the first time. But then, I'm also a computer programmer, so the logic of this and the joke below make perfect sense to me!

                                  1. re: boyzoma

                                    YOU MUST watch this video! This is one of my favorite stories by this comedienne.

                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUS...

                                    1. re: PotatoHouse

                                      one of my faves too, it's posted further down as well, but two postings are better than one.

                                      1. re: PotatoHouse

                                        Why have I never heard of this woman? She's brilliant!

                                        1. re: pikawicca

                                          I know - I can't believe I hadn't heard of her until this post. Now I am a fan.

                                          Now if she could just post the recipe for that pound cake...

                                          Oh! Just wandered and she actually published the recipe in a magazine. Here's the link. No baking powder, so maybe the 7 up does that?

                                          http://jeannerobertson.com/TasteOfThe...

                                          1. re: happybaker

                                            wow, thank you happybaker, i always wondered about the recipe.

                                        2. re: PotatoHouse

                                          I had a good laugh about this situation just yesterday. Mom had actually made yeast rolls (first time in many years) from a recipe given to her by a friend. Dad dropped the recipe off the other day when he stopped by.

                                          I read through it and didn't see the flour she'd mentioned in the list of ingredients, however there were 4 1/2 cups of butter! I asked her about it, figuring she'd typed something wrong. Nope, the first 5 ingredients were listed 1,2,3,4,5 followed by some instructions, then flour and eggs and other stuff was in the following instructions. Not the usual recipe layout!

                                          1. re: boyzoma

                                            Oh man, welcome to my nightmare. DH is the son of an engineer, from whom he inherited several engineer-type social weirdnesses

                                            1. re: boyzoma

                                              What on earth? I'm a woman and not only did I not need to reread it to see what happened, but I knew how it would end from the initial request.

                                            2. Give'm an 'A' for effort, it's the thought that counts!! IMO, whoever cooks should do the grocery shopping.

                                              15 Replies
                                              1. re: treb

                                                Exactly. My SO and I don't have any kitchen misunderstandings, because he doesn't come into the kitchen except to get the food I've made, and I do all the grocery shopping too! I'm an uber control freak when it comes to stuff like that.

                                                1. re: juliejulez

                                                  I usually do as well. He often comes shopping with me, because he wants input on the wine purchases, but I am usually responsible for all the food related purchases. In both my examples above I had decided to make a very ambitious menu for guests and couldn't leave the kitchen for the better part of a day, so my man was enlisted. Given the issues, I have definitely learned how important specificity is.

                                                  1. re: juliejulez

                                                    Mr. Sun would rather side naked down a mile of barbed wire than go to the grocery.

                                                    So I do the shopping and the cooking...and that's okay with both of us.

                                                    1. re: sunshine842

                                                      Mine too, he HATES just about any kind of shopping (unless it's at Cabela's or Bass Pro Shop LOL). I did bring him one time, and in between his pouting and frowning, he put all kinds of crap junk food in the cart. I can get him to go to Costco to help me lift the heavy cases of stuff, but if it's crowded, he pouts then too (and still manages to throw in impulse snacks).

                                                      I think our arrangement works out very well for both of us. I love grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking, and he likes to eat.

                                                      1. re: juliejulez

                                                        Ha sounds like my house. Except, when we go to Costco he sneaks in MORE water

                                                        1. re: juliejulez

                                                          Sounds like my fiance. :p If he gets into a Bass Pro, I lose him for hours. And whenever I take him grocery shopping, we come home with monstrosities like Hot Pockets. >.>

                                                          1. re: Kontxesi

                                                            I have Hot Pockets in my Freezer as we speak, along with a half dozen boxes of Hamburger Helper. They were there when I moved in, and I'm just waiting til I can sneak them out and donate them somewhere.

                                                          2. re: juliejulez

                                                            Mine will go to the store if I say he doesn't have to stick to the lit but he will not go alone. He likes to push the cart and scan items and put crap in the cart because it is scan and bag as you go.

                                                            Mine isn't into Cabelas or Bass Pro but ANY store selling CDs takes years for us to get out of. We have thousands of CDs.

                                                            1. re: juliejulez

                                                              I'm one of those husbands who does most of the cooking and shopping but I also am a big fan of Cabela's. Anyway, my SIL travels to a huge three day craft show ea h summer with some of her friends. I snarkily asked her what they do after the first 15 minutes at this craft show. She responded "What do you guys do after the first 2 minutes at Cabela's". I guess she got me.

                                                              1. re: John E.

                                                                Ha that's hilarious.

                                                                I went shopping today with SO because he needs some nicer clothes for his new job (he currently works at home so he wears t-shirts and jeans every day). He acted like I was pulling out his fingernails and was whining the whole time (it was about 2 stores and less than 2 hours)... yet if I took him to Cabela's he would happily spend all day there.

                                                                1. re: juliejulez

                                                                  I dislike clothes shopping except for maybe shopping for hunting clothes in the bargain cave at Cabela's.

                                                                  1. re: juliejulez

                                                                    Threaten to take him to a craft store. That'll shut him up! I used to threaten the ex-husband with that all the time.

                                                              2. re: sunshine842

                                                                When I was growing up and my father was working full time I'm not sure he even knew where the grocery store was. Since he has retired the grocery store has become his second home. He has more or less completely taken over all grocery shopping, but I think it's mostly anything to get out of the house so he doesn't go stir crazy.

                                                            2. re: treb

                                                              I used to leave a list, my DH would shop, with the understanding that I would cook whatever was purchased. But he would eat whatever was cooked :)

                                                            3. This was not a misunderstanding between Mrs. ricepad and me, but between Mrs. ricepad and her mother many many years ago (I believe Mrs. ricepad was about 10 at the time). After they'd returned home from a grocery shopping trip, MIL asked Mrs. ricepad to "pick out all the brown spots on the apples." Mrs. ricepad thought, 'WTF?', but being the dutiful daugther, she grabbed a paring knife and went about carving out all the little brown flecks on the skin, until the apples looked like they'd been hit by a shotgun blast at 12 paces.

                                                              When MIL finished packing away the rest of the groceries, she finally saw what Mrs. ricepad had done to the apples. "WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO??" she asked. Mrs. ricepad said, "I picked out all the brown spots, just like you asked."

                                                              Turns out, MIL meant to pick off the remains of the shriveled blossoms from the ends of the apples. I think they made applesauce later that day.

                                                              1 Reply
                                                              1. The day before Christmas, I was sent out to get salt cod for Baccala. I came home with 2 lbs of dried salt cod...NOT the reconstituted she wanted. It hurt when she hit me with it.

                                                                3 Replies
                                                                1. re: njmarshall55

                                                                  I'd be hard-pressed to know where to get some, dried or otherwise.

                                                                  1. re: EWSflash

                                                                    Italian or Portuguese neighborhoods, no?

                                                                    1. re: pdxgastro

                                                                      Fortunately, there was another fish store that had the re-constituted cod. It's usually available around the holidays in, yes, high concentrations of Italian or Portugese neighborhoods. We were in No. NJ at the time.

                                                                2. Not an understanding but an oddity. If something my H likes goes on sale (examples include stewed tomatoes and pickles), he will buy 20 jars or cans of said item and stow them in odd places in our (tiny, tiny) pantry. Like in our laundry basket. Or behind the receptacle in which I save plastic grocery bags to reuse....which is like the black hole since I can't see behind it.

                                                                  It irks me because he never fills me in on the purchases....I discover them when I go to hang a load of clothes on the line, or when I come home and announce I got some nice pickles at the deli. I'll hear "Oh, I have 22 jars of kosher dills..." Also irksome because he always gets stuff HE likes...never my beloved anchovy olives, or dark dark chocolate, etc.

                                                                  5 Replies
                                                                  1. re: pinehurst

                                                                    Haha sounds like me. I stored cans of tomatoes in my linen closet. Till husband reached for a towel and a can fell on his foot

                                                                    1. re: pinehurst

                                                                      I think some hubbies missed out on the organizing gene.

                                                                      1. re: pinehurst

                                                                        When the rate of inflation exceeds savings interest rates, buying canned goods is a viable investment option.

                                                                        1. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                          So instead of storing money in the mattress, we should store canned goods? Sounds a little uncomfortable. Can I at least just store dried rice?