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Dec 3, 2012 01:14 PM

I'm Taking the Food - No Invitation or Discussion


I don't want to be too detailed . . . but here's the general scenario.

Party with young adults.

One YA brings a dessert which is delicious. I overhear person X ask to take home the leftovers (about half the dessert). YA dessert maker says she promised the leftovers to some friends who helped out. Thinking that's the end of the discussion I move around to do some clean up.

I notice person X kind of stalking YA but guess they are just chatting.

But . . . I see X ends up leaving with a huge cup of the dessert. I'd estimate four to five typical servings.

Same group - different gathering.

Meat is grilled in batches. Basically they are samples. So, everyone (17 total) kind of eyeball and take what would be a fair share until the last batch. Person X fills her bowl heaping with about a quarter of the final batch. I do not see her do this, but I do see her walking away and know she has left with her afternoon snack, because the napkin on top of the bowl is not large enough to hide the mountain of meat heaped up in the bowl. Again, I'm cleaning etc. and she's some distance away and headed off.

In addition to all this, X also makes it a point to talk loudly about the foods she doesn't like after having taken large shares of those foods (made by others, donated, or purchased and free to her). "This is just nasty," would be an example. "My Grandma makes much better cake than this." You get the picture I think.

On top of this, every YA in the group, at a minimum, picks up their empty plates, cups, napkins, and some help with wipe down and so on. Not X. I end up having to clean up her mess as she's walking off with the "good" food. Yes. She leaves her plate of rejected "not good enough for her" foods there for all to see.

Would it make sense to speak with her privately about this? I would say something light right on the spot, but I bascially pick up the host duties and only catch the aftermath. The other YAs would not want the food after it had been plopped on her plate.

  1. Speak with her privately about what? You don't personally approve of her actions? You didn't hear the rest of her conversation in situation A, but you assume you know what was said? It's a hard and fast rule at these parties that everyone busses after themselves at these parties? That no one is allowed to comment in any way but favorably about what is served? That sshe is ruinging the party for you and you won't stand for it?

    Why not just not invite her? Or do I read you right and these are not your parties to pick the guests - in that case why not talk to the host and sya that you don't like how X acts. See what happens

    1. Hi CydiA- I'd like some more details if you don't mind? Is this a group of your peers, or are you hosting a group of young adults and if so for what reason? Also, what age are young adult (teenagers, 20 somethings?). Finally, are the gatherings social or for another purpose?
      I'd like to respond, but am not quite sure how without that information : )

      1 Reply
      1. The original comment has been removed
        1. I would probably say something, particularly if the others in the group are complaining about it. If you speak to her privately, you'll save her the embarrassment of eventually being called out publicly. A friend of my husband's liked to do this sort of thing - he came one year at Thanksgiving, after the actual dinner hour. He swooped in and ate (without bringing so much as a bottle of wine) and after eating for about 30 minutes (and not participating in the conversation, etc.) said he needed to leave and demanded leftovers. My other guests, who had contributed quite a bit of the food, were LIVID and told him in no uncertain terms where to go. He hasn't been invited back since.

          1. Ok so there is no way to exclude her from being a guest?

            I guess I'd step in and say something if I saw her bullying someone into giving her things like in the dessert situation. Other than sticking up for someone who is dealing with her selfish behavior I'd generally ignore her. I can't image she has many friends.

            1 Reply