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Rude or Polite: Another Thanksgiving Family Debate.

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YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 05:57 PM

So I have a question that gets debated with my family every holiday and it never ends pretty. Is it rude to point out that a person is vegetarian/vegan to another person? My husband, my adult siblings, and I are vegetarian/vegan (their are vegetarian and I am vegan). When we meet up with other family members they like to tell other people about our eating habits. For example, I went to get my hair cut with some of my family and after I got my hair cut, the hairstylist told us to have a nice Thanksgiving and eat a lot of turkey. I was polite and said thank you, you have a nice Thanksgiving as well. The other members of my family were not so polite and said "Well actually we are having a vegan Thanksgiving because she does not eat turkey." I find this rude and very awkward for the person who did not know I was a vegan, the other family members do not see it as such. This happens all the times in other situations (dining and non-dining) too, I have asked them to stop but to no avail and usually they blow up in my face and make a loud outburst. So what do you all think? It is rude? Does it matter? If you are the innocent bystander making polite conversation, would it make you feel uncomfortable? Maybe for once this matter can be settled.

Thank you for answering, and everyone enjoy the holidays! May your inevitable family blow-ups not cause to much drama. :)

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  1. j
    Jeri L RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 06:05 PM

    It is odd to feel the need to tell the world about someone else's eating habits when it doesn't concern them. I'd wonder about their reasoning. Is the holiday meal totally vegan in deference to the most restrictive diner or is it a mixed meal with something for all? Perhaps they're protesting having to forgo the traditional meal for your sake? I can see pointing it out to forgetful family members when you're making a mixed feast, "Uh, no Grandma...Sarah can't have the salad because you put cheese in it." but bringing it up in public is borderline hostile. I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving in spite of your family!

    2 Replies
    1. re: Jeri L
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      FrankJBN RE: Jeri L Nov 21, 2012 08:47 AM

      "tell the world about someone else's eating habits when it doesn't concern them"

      The Op, with a group of the people who would be eating Thanksgiving with her is told by someone to "eat lots of turkey". Somone among that group says 'No, we aren't having turkey, OP is a vegan so we all eat vegan'. Seems to me an appropriate and called for response in a non-private conversation.

      "borderline hostile"? Dangerous world for you isn't it?

      1. re: Jeri L
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        betsydiver RE: Jeri L Nov 27, 2012 06:08 AM

        so, they're also passive-aggressive within the family; that comment would do nothing but make granma wonder, hurt

      2. j
        jlhinwa RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 06:08 PM

        Rude, especially since you've made your feelings on the matter clear. But I doubt they will get it if they haven't by now.

        1. m
          miss_belle RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 06:10 PM

          If I was an innocent bystander I would not feel uncomfortable. After all it's YOUR family..:-)

          1. v
            veganwithavengeance RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 06:20 PM

            It is rather rude in my opinion. especially since a lot of people can get turned off by the whole "vegetarian"/"vegan" label because some may feel you are trying to sound better than someone who eats meat--which can happen from time to time unfortunatley. and in the context you mentioned above its kind of impolite to correct someone like that. like jeri l. mentioned it sounds hostile in public...if i was an "innocent" bystander i would feel awkward im sure.

            1. m
              magiesmom RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 06:55 PM

              Why, are you ashamed of it? I don't see the problem, in the scheme of things.

              1. Sarah RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 07:01 PM

                Will turkey+ be served to the non-v&v's?? or must everyone abide by the v&v diet regimen that day? If not, what's the big deal? If so, well...

                1. y
                  YersiniaTheScientist RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 07:15 PM

                  Thanks for all the responses! Yes it is a mixed thanksgiving so everyone can be happy for the holidays, I even asked everyone what is one dish that they wanted present. Also these family members' behavior is not just for thanksgiving but other times as well.

                  1. ipsedixit RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 07:26 PM

                    I don't see it as rude at all.

                    You are a vegan, right?

                    It's nothing to be ashamed of, so why the sensitivity to others mentioning it?

                    Unless, of course, you *are* ashamed of being vegan, in which case this is more of a YOU problem than a politeness/rudeness issue.

                    1. z
                      zippypinhead RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 07:54 PM

                      Perhaps your family is "coversation starved" and have nothing else interesting to talk about.
                      Me? Wouldn't give it a second thought

                      1. majordanby RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 08:34 PM

                        it strikes me as unusual if this is something that frequently occurs. if it's a dining situation - obviously, it makes sense to point out a person's diet restrictions. my hunch is (of course, without knowing you or any of your family members) that they are likely annoyed (or just generally disagree with) under the surface about your food choices (depending on what part of the country you're in, there can be a stigma against vegetarians/vegans). of course, im taking a leap in my conclusion - in the end, it could just be family acting like, well, family.

                        1. c
                          cheesecakejenny RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 20, 2012 09:20 PM

                          If you have let your family knows it bothers you, they really should stop. Maybe if you put the shoe on the other foot and ribbed them about something, they would get the idea. Do they know any other vegetarians? Maybe they think it's a bit odd,. Start pointing out celebrities who they know who are also vegetarians.

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                            antennastoheaven RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 08:13 AM

                            I totally understand where you are coming from. It seems to me that some people think vegetarians/vegans are some kind of exotic circus freaks, especially at the holidays, so they feel the need to point out their strangeness to others. I handle all Thanksgiving best wishes to "eat lots of turkey" the same way you did with your hairdresser, which is to thank the well-wisher for their kindness and not get into the ins and outs of what I do or do not eat - after all, who really wants to hear about that?

                            Not sure there is really anything you can do about your family, but you have my sympathy! It blows my mind in this day and age that vegan or vegetarian diets are in any way remarkable to anyone. They are really not that uncommon.

                            7 Replies
                            1. re: antennastoheaven
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                              FrankJBN RE: antennastoheaven Nov 21, 2012 08:57 AM

                              "I handle all Thanksgiving best wishes to "eat lots of turkey" the same way you did with your hairdresser, which is to thank the well-wisher for their kindness and not get into the ins and outs of what I do or do not eat"

                              I don't understand this at all. As others above have asked,is it shame? (I don't think so, although I might suspect self-satisfied smagness).

                              I know when people ask me "Cooking a turkey at home" at least this year, I say "No, I'm having rabbit." What's the difference between my response and yours? For one, I'm telling the truth, not leaving the well wisher with a false impression. Seems to me any rudeness is the person who is lying by implication.. Why not just say "Thanks, but I don't eat meat".

                              Actually veganism is "uncommon" in the US with most reporting about 2 out of 100 persons professing that diet.

                              1. re: FrankJBN
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                                antennastoheaven RE: FrankJBN Nov 21, 2012 09:45 AM

                                Just don't understand why anyone finds it worth commenting about someone else's eating habits/diet or why I would want to inject a discussion of what I'm eating into a simple holiday greeting. Especially because when vegans or vegetarians volunteer that information themselves, oftentimes people take it as some kind of commentary on their diet....or perceive "self satisfied smugness" where there isn't any.

                                1. re: antennastoheaven
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                                  FrankJBN RE: antennastoheaven Nov 21, 2012 10:13 AM

                                  Because in the OP's case, and in general when talking about an upcomin feast, what one or more of the conversants would be eating is the subject. it wasn't 'Hope the weather's good Thursday' followed by 'Do you know Margie doesn't eat meat.

                                  "I would want to inject a discussion of what I'm eating into a simple holiday greeting.'

                                  I agree. Don't respond to "Merry Christmas" with "I'm a vegan"

                                  However, when someone brings up the subject of what one will be eating at the holiday meal, it is not just a simple holiday greeting is it? SInce I last wrote here, I have had occasion to tell several people that 'No, I won't be having turkey.' None of those people had said merely "happy Thanksgiving!" All had mentioned what would be cooking (or eaten).

                                  1. re: FrankJBN
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                                    antennastoheaven RE: FrankJBN Nov 21, 2012 10:23 AM

                                    The situation described by the OP didn't seem to be a food-focused conversation. It seemed to be simply a greeting that included mention of eating. If the OP "corrected" everyone who wished her a happy Thanksgiving and to eat lots of turkey. odds are pretty good she'd be perceived as one of those uppity vegetarians who shoves her beliefs in people's faces.

                                    I think it would be lovely if "Hope the weather's good Thursday" and "Do you know Margie doesn't eat meat" were received the same way in conversation, but they are typically not. And again, the OPs family makes these comments often and after she has asked them to stop. That in and of itself doesn't seem very respectful to me.

                                    1. re: antennastoheaven
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                                      YersiniaTheScientist RE: antennastoheaven Nov 21, 2012 10:57 AM

                                      I agree with what you both have to say. I do not mind telling people I am vegan. In a situation that when I am asked what are you having for thanksgiving I would not mind telling people "Oh well I am having a vegan inspired thanksgiving." However after paying for a hair cut and asked to have a happy thanksgiving and eat a lot of turkey, I do not find it necessary to say "oh well I cant because I do not eat meat." I find it rude and makes the person who was being kind feel awkward. In my opinion it would be like someone wishing a person Merry Christmas and the other person responding well I do not celebrate Christmas, so you should say happy "insert holiday here". It was a kind gesture that did not need extra information. But this is not uncommon of my family members. At dinner parties the tell other guest I entered the kitchen on the left because I am vegan (they perceived that all vegan food is on the left of the kitchen, I do not know why) and that they enter on the right because they eat meat. And in that manner I feel isolated not only from my family but from my guests who wonder why it was necessary and now feel like I trapped them and forced my views upon then. And then I am perceived as an uppity vegan who shoves my views down their throats, even though I was not the one who did it! But the real issue is my family does not understand how I think it is rude, they think I am being sensitive and ashamed. Which is not the case, I guess it is just the manner it which it is brought up that is such an issue.

                                      1. re: YersiniaTheScientist
                                        linguafood RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 12:24 PM

                                        Your family sounds like a bunch of asshats. Try spending time with people who treat you with kindness and respect.

                                        Friends are great for that!

                                  2. re: antennastoheaven
                                    IndyGirl RE: antennastoheaven Nov 29, 2012 01:07 PM

                                    People definitely can be judgmental about vegetarianism and veganism, and because I don't want to be stereotyped as one of "those" high-and-mighty, healthier-and-more-ethical-than-thou v/vs, I just choose to keep quiet about it unless someone asks. Some members of my family never get tired of giving me a hard time about it, even though I don't make a big deal about it and am never judgmental about them eating meat at the same table (to be clear, most are just fine with it, though). I do understand why it would make you uncomfortable.

                                    I am also sure it has a lot to do with the culture around where you live; I'm from a tiny farm town, and vegetarians are like aliens there; where I live now, it's really not that unusual. Envisioning myself in the situation you described taking place in my hometown elicits very different emotional response than envisioning myself in the same situation where I live now.

                              2. f
                                FrankJBN RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 09:00 AM

                                As in my reply above, I wonder about if you were having say goose instead of turkey. Would you refuse to state that when someone suggested you eat a lot of turkey on T-day? Would you think it rude if one of your fellow diners stated that fact?

                                Is there any difference in these circumstances?

                                1 Reply
                                1. re: FrankJBN
                                  majordanby RE: FrankJBN Nov 21, 2012 10:20 AM

                                  i think it's fine if it's a one-off occurrence. but, my guess is that the OP has noticed a consistent pattern with this (see quote "This happens all the times in other situations (dining and non-dining) too, I have asked them to stop but to no avail"). In dining situations - fine. A few times here and there - fine, it's family and we all should develop thick skin. If it consistently happens in non dining situations and the OP specifically asks for the comments to stop - probably some underlying issue the person(s) making those comments have with the OP's food choices. i've encountered this before with friends and family - most times it's just a joke and i laugh along - but, if it's persistent, random, non-constructive and doesnt stop even if the target person either shows some discomfort or outright tells the commentator to stop, well there's likely a problem.

                                  i may be extrapolating from the OP's comments. If it was a single incidence at the hairdresser, shouldnt be a problem and one is likely being just over sensitive.

                                2. sunshine842 RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 10:16 AM

                                  Rude, but because you've asked them to stop and they don't.

                                  Otherwise, it's just unnecessary -- you're definitely in the right by just thanking the hairdresser for her good wishes...but It's not a matter of being ashamed of being vegetarian/vegan, it's just more that it's extraneous information that the hairdresser doesn't really need (or want) to know.

                                  Doubly if there is actually going to be turkey on the table for the others.

                                  19 Replies
                                  1. re: sunshine842
                                    Justpaula RE: sunshine842 Nov 21, 2012 10:50 AM

                                    I agree that it is not a matter of the OP being ashamed. In the next month, I am sure to hear a lot of people wish me a Merry Christmas. I will reply with, "Thank you, same to you!", and NOT, "I am Jewish". It doesn't mean I am ashamed of my faith, it just doesn't seem important to tell a store clerk which holiday I celebrate. My guess is that is how the OP feels about her diet of choice.

                                    I was initially inclined to think the OP is making much ado about nothing, but then I thought about the analogy I just made, and more importantly, if she has made her feelings clear to her family then they are being disrespectful to her. Sounds like the comment to the hair dresser was a little passive-aggressive.

                                    1. re: Justpaula
                                      ipsedixit RE: Justpaula Nov 21, 2012 10:56 AM

                                      That's a bit different, though, isn't it?

                                      Too often we on this board hear the refrain, "I am vegan or vegetarian and I have nothing to eat when invited to dinner" or "Why didn't they tell me this was made with gelatin or beef stock!!!"

                                      So, if a vegan doesn't tell people, or people are not made aware of their unique dietary lifestyle, how is the world supposed to accommodate their desires?

                                      Vulcan mind-meld perhaps? But I am too irrational to have such powers.

                                      If I ignorantly wish a practicing Jew a "Merry Christmas" I am not actually putting something into their body -- on a physical level -- that they find offensive.

                                      1. re: ipsedixit
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                                        antennastoheaven RE: ipsedixit Nov 21, 2012 11:02 AM

                                        The situation you are describing about having someone over for dinner is kind of apples and oranges to "Happy Thanksgiving, eat lots of turkey" If someone invites me over for dinner, I have no problem telling them that I don't eat animal products because my diet has a direct impact on our planned activity. But if someone is just greeting me (and "eat a lot of turkey" is something people say often), then I don't take that as an invitation to explain what I eat.

                                        1. re: ipsedixit
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                                          Linda_W RE: ipsedixit Nov 21, 2012 11:16 AM

                                          The hair dresser was providing a general holiday greeting and was trying to be inclusive and warm, not to cause harm. The OPs family responded by intentionally excluding the OP from the hair dresser's best wishes for a nice holiday. Call is what you will, it was inappropriate.

                                          1. re: ipsedixit
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                                            CloggieGirl RE: ipsedixit Nov 24, 2012 08:25 PM

                                            Perhaps you're trying to be helpful, ipsedixit, but please leave us Jews out of this. We're pretty used to saying, "Thanks, You too." or something similarly bland and non-commital to people who don't know we're Jewish or are trained to say specific holiday phrases (eg salespeople).

                                            As a vegetarian, I would have taken a similar tact for the same reasons. It's a general way of wishing someone a nice day. 90+% of the time, they don't care if you actually eat turkey or celebrate certain holidays. They're trying to be friendly. It's possible the family members thought they were being helpful, but I would have found their response to be obnoxious too.

                                            1. re: ipsedixit
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                                              akated RE: ipsedixit Nov 27, 2012 08:13 PM

                                              "So, if a vegan doesn't tell people, or people are not made aware of their unique dietary lifestyle, how is the world supposed to accommodate their desires?"

                                              but why would the hairdresser need to know that the OP doesn't eat turkey? unless a turkey was used/killed in the course of the OP getting her hair cut?

                                              1. re: akated
                                                Chemicalkinetics RE: akated Nov 27, 2012 08:22 PM

                                                <but why would the hairdresser need to know that the OP doesn't eat turkey?>

                                                I don't think the hairdresser NEED to know, but it does not make it impolite neither. Someone could see me with a kid and say to me. Have a great Thanksgiving with your son, and I may reply: "This is really my niece, but thanks.". Does thos person need to know that this is not my son, but my niece? No, he does not need to know, but it doesn't make it an impolite reply neither.

                                                1. re: Chemicalkinetics
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                                                  akated RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 27, 2012 08:39 PM

                                                  hmmm... i think it depends on the tone in which the family members made that statement.

                                                  i inferred from the thread that the tone would likely have been a snide/sarcastic one in line with passive-aggressive behaviour; rather than a neutral/informative one. The OP mentioned that she has told her family of her preference for them not to say anything when such a situation arises, and the latter tone wouldn't have made sense, unless everyone in the family were really forgetful.

                                                  1. re: akated
                                                    Chemicalkinetics RE: akated Nov 28, 2012 08:20 AM

                                                    <i think it depends on the tone in which the family members made that statement.>

                                                    I agree. It really depends how "defensive" the tone is. If the family member(s) were saying "She is vegetarian. (How dare you assume everyone eat meats)", then clearly it is impolite. I agree. If the tone is passive-aggrssive, then it is definitely no good.

                                                  2. re: Chemicalkinetics
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                                                    cresyd RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 28, 2012 12:11 AM

                                                    Personally, I relate to this situation if I change the vegetarian/vegan label to religion. When I'm in the US, and a hairdresser/cashier/server wishes me a Merry Christmas - I'm rarely in the mood to confront that person with "Thank you but I'm Jewish and will do nothing to commemorate Christmas". So instead I'll respond with some other platitude and the event doesn't stick with me.

                                                    However, if a Christian friend or family member took it upon themselves to correct the person in that situation, then I would be insulted. I know I'm Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas (as the OP knows she's not eating turkey), but I've chosen that in this situation how I want to deal with the issue. And I don't want someone else to decide for me.

                                                    People who are apart of a number of potential "invisible minorities" (being gay, non-majority religion, vegan, etc.) have the right to chose when and how to advocate for themselves. And also when it's not the time for giving someone a lesson on plurality.

                                                    1. re: cresyd
                                                      Chemicalkinetics RE: cresyd Nov 28, 2012 08:13 AM

                                                      <However, if a Christian friend or family member took it upon themselves to correct the person in that situation, then I would be insulted.>

                                                      Right, but again, that would be between you and the family member, not between the hairstylist and the family member. Also in this case, it is a vegetarian family talking about being vegetarian. So it will be closer to a Jewish family took it upon himsefl to correct the person in that situation...etc.

                                                      <People who are apart of a number of potential "invisible minorities" (being gay, non-majority religion, vegan, etc.) have the right to chose when and how to advocate for themselves.>

                                                      I don't disagree. Again, that is the issue between the family members, not the hairstylist. So it may be impolite to you (the minority), but I don't it is impolite to the hairstylist.

                                                      1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                        linguafood RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 28, 2012 08:54 AM

                                                        It makes the hairstylist uncomfortable and is completely unnecessary. Period.

                                                        1. re: linguafood
                                                          Chemicalkinetics RE: linguafood Nov 29, 2012 09:17 AM

                                                          <It makes the hairstylist uncomfortable and is completely unnecessary. Period.>

                                                          Does it make the hairstylist uncomfortable? Sure. Most likely so.

                                                          Completely unnecessary? I don't know about that. I am sure the family members see their reasons for doing this. Likely because they want to declare their diet preference and that they are tired of being assumed for something they are not. I just really do not think it is that bad to declare your own diet preference, religion preference or any preference. Should they declare the original poster's preference? Now, that is different.

                                                          1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                            linguafood RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 11:46 AM

                                                            In the context, it is totally irrelevant. And they weren't declaring *their own* diet, they felt the need to explain the OP's diet.

                                                        2. re: Chemicalkinetics
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                                                          cresyd RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 28, 2012 11:10 PM

                                                          Oh, my reading of the 'rudeness' was not in response to the exchange with the hairdresser (though I presume it made her uncomfortable) - but rather that I felt the family members who spoke up were being rude to the OP.

                                                          If I was with my (Jewish) mother in the "Merry Christmas" situation when someone was speaking directly to me (and not both of us), and she felt the need to speak up for me - I'd be irritated with my mother. And not because I'd feel that she had been rude to the person providing a professional service (based on the way she phrased it). What I think is rude is speaking for people when they are adults and have the ability to express themselves to the world. Particularly when it's on a point where it's been established that you don't want someone to speak for you.

                                                          1. re: cresyd
                                                            Chemicalkinetics RE: cresyd Nov 29, 2012 07:54 AM

                                                            <Particularly when it's on a point where it's been established that you don't want someone to speak for you.>

                                                            Yeah, that part I agree with you. I think it is likely rude to the original poster. The original poster, of course, probably has more authority to decide on this than I do. If it makes the original poster uncomfortable, then it is impolite to do so. Afterall, it is about his/her feeling. I just thought it was about the hairstylist because that is more "questionable" and "debateable".

                                                        3. re: cresyd
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                                                          merrua RE: cresyd Nov 29, 2012 12:51 PM

                                                          I agree. I

                                                          1. re: cresyd
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                                                            noya RE: cresyd Dec 1, 2012 05:21 AM

                                                            agree completely cresyd. well said!

                                                    2. re: Justpaula
                                                      linguafood RE: Justpaula Nov 21, 2012 10:56 AM

                                                      Yep, totally agree on the PA take. The fact that they feel to bring this up randomly sounds like folks who are pretty disgruntled about the whole vegan thing.

                                                      Ah, family. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em '-)

                                                  3. DuchessNukem RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 11:46 AM

                                                    Family is family. The behaviors you can reliably change, are your own.You sound like you wave your "vegan flag" very subtly and gently. I'm not vegan/veg but try to eat healthy (sprouting, green smoothies, ferments) and I laugh off the comments and just reiterate how much I like these foods/processes and how good I feel. Your beaming healthy smile is your exemplar and your best defense.

                                                    And one other comment on this behavior: while it is a bit "complain-y" about your preferences, it's also your family's way of boasting to others about their rather-exotic-to-them holiday plans. You lend them a bit of trendy, interesting cachet.

                                                    1. pinehurst RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 21, 2012 11:56 AM

                                                      I'm curious as to why they "blow up" when you ask them to stop. Kinda odd. You're vegan and your siblings and husband are vegetarians by choice. Period. This is as weird as imagining that every time my cousin Leon and his wife/kids walked into a cookout, someone announcing "And LEON is a BAPTIST". So to me, more weird than rude.

                                                      I work in a Jewish neighborhood. When somebody wishes me "Happy Hanukkah", I say "Thank you!". I'll take well-meaning wishes from whomever. But in your case, it sounds like they're sniping at your choice of being vegan.

                                                      And I totally agree with Duchess...sounds like you're the most exciting thing, perennially, in these peoples' lives.

                                                      1 Reply
                                                      1. re: pinehurst
                                                        jmcarthur8 RE: pinehurst Nov 21, 2012 01:43 PM

                                                        I also agree with Duchess that you're the hip and happenin' member of the family and they want to bask in your vegan hipness.
                                                        I read once that people gossip because knowing something that nobody else knows is a big power trip. All you need do is show up, and the rest of the family has boasting rights for the day.
                                                        Don't worry about it. They're the ones who end up looking silly, not you.

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                                                        antimony RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 09:12 AM

                                                        Ugh, I dislike it when family does this sort of thing as well. My husband I convinced to stop -- he was definitely well-meaning by it, and thus there were no blow-ups when I asked him not to do it, just honest confusion. (He was mostly doing it because he wanted people to be more aware of the fact that vegetarians exist, because he'd seen me go places and have nothing to eat. When I explained that I didn't feel like doing Vegetarianism 101 all the time, he stopped.)

                                                        The rest of the family I just politely ignore, because it's not worth the fight. They do see my eating patterns as a curiosity to be remarked upon, although with time they've gotten more used to it and less likely to comment. I think it's partially passive-aggressive critique of my "fussiness", and thus rude, but the best way to counter that kind of rudeness IMHO is a cheerful smile and a blithe comment as if the rudeness had gone completely over one's head. They also sometimes go overboard in asking "will I be able to eat anything" when I'm a guest in their home, and again, I just smile. (They have known me for over a decade. They know what ovo-lacto vegetarianism is. They're not confused about what I can or can't eat, they're doing it to point out how "unusual" I am and how they've gone so far out of their way to accommodate me when they've actually done very little.)

                                                        3 Replies
                                                        1. re: antimony
                                                          sunshine842 RE: antimony Nov 26, 2012 10:27 AM

                                                          Good lord -- you're getting all this flak AND you're lacto-ovo? I don't even blink anymore when someone tells me that -- it's no trouble at all to do lacto-ovo dishes!

                                                          Vegan starts to get tricky, particularly if they're on the stricter end of the spectrum (the no butter, no honey folks) - but I've had many wonderful meals with even the strictest vegans.

                                                          (it always throws vegetarians for a loop, though, when I ask what *type* of vegetarian -- most folks don't figure anyone will even understand vegetarian, let alone the variations.)

                                                          1. re: sunshine842
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                                                            antimony RE: sunshine842 Nov 26, 2012 11:20 AM

                                                            Well, they don't do it that often, but the in-laws were just in town for Thanksgiving and interrogated my recently-vegan mom for a while, so I'm tetchy about it.

                                                            1. re: antimony
                                                              sunshine842 RE: antimony Nov 26, 2012 02:53 PM

                                                              I'm sorry you had to go through it.

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                                                          ebchower RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 09:22 AM

                                                          If you read Judith Martin's Miss Manners column, you'll see that a lot of the letters she receives concern specialized diets. Check out the archives on the Washington Post website.

                                                          1. mrsleny RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 02:26 PM

                                                            IMHO it is rude of your family members to respond that way to the hair stylist. Also their comment is untrue as you are not having a strictly vegan Thanksgiving.

                                                            Also I am sure your hair stylist felt a bit uncomfortable by the response. I certainly would if I was just offering a holiday greeting and got more personal information than I expected.

                                                            It sounds like there is something else going on. Hope your holidays went okay!

                                                            1. paulj RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 02:42 PM

                                                              Does this mean that because you are vegan, they can't eat turkey and the likes at Thanksgiving? Sounds as though they resent that.

                                                              1 Reply
                                                              1. re: paulj
                                                                linguafood RE: paulj Nov 26, 2012 02:50 PM

                                                                "Yes it is a mixed thanksgiving so everyone can be happy for the holidays, I even asked everyone what is one dish that they wanted present."

                                                                No reason for resentment. But with family, it's all up for grabs I guess :-D

                                                              2. hill food RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 03:04 PM

                                                                sadly some folks take your decision of "X" to be a comment and criticism of their choice of "Y" and they can get all defensive.

                                                                and some just don't know when to shut the hell up and realize that not everything needs an editorial comment.

                                                                1 Reply
                                                                1. re: hill food
                                                                  linguafood RE: hill food Nov 26, 2012 03:06 PM

                                                                  "and some just don't know when to shut the hell up and realize that not everything needs an editorial comment."

                                                                  those people are the only ones who *should* get a facial tattoo saying just that.

                                                                2. Chemicalkinetics RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 26, 2012 06:41 PM

                                                                  I don't think it is rude. It does make the innocent bystander uncomfortable for a second or two. Of course, as some other posters have pointed out, it may be rude to you since you have already said that you don't want the whole world know about this. However, I don't think it is rude to the hairstylist in this example.

                                                                  25 Replies
                                                                  1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                    mcf RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 27, 2012 05:49 PM

                                                                    You don't think it's rude that a relative has repeatedly ignored the OP's stated wishes that such comments be withheld, though? I mean, who is it really about and what is the real point?

                                                                    1. re: mcf
                                                                      Chemicalkinetics RE: mcf Nov 27, 2012 07:22 PM

                                                                      That is what I exactly said.

                                                                      "it may be rude to you since you have already said that you don't want the whole world know about this. However, I don't think it is rude to the hairstylist in this example."

                                                                      However, the original poster was asking if it is rude to the hairstylist.

                                                                      As for why they did this and what is this for, I think the original poster probably knows more. Possibly the other family members were coming from the angle that: that is nothing shameful about being a vegetarian. We should not be shy to declare our belief....etc..etc.

                                                                      1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                        mcf RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 28, 2012 06:10 AM

                                                                        Ok, point taken, but it is rude to make someone else feel corrected, uncomfortable or awkward for no reason. Kind of the bottom line of etiquette is to avoid taking such actions.

                                                                        1. re: mcf
                                                                          Chemicalkinetics RE: mcf Nov 28, 2012 08:14 AM

                                                                          <but it is rude to make someone else feel corrected, uncomfortable or awkward for no reason>

                                                                          Probably.

                                                                          1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                            hill food RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 28, 2012 07:43 PM

                                                                            Ck - 'probably'? sorry but no, that's entirely it. etiquette rules are there for all to feel comfy. and the bigger issue is there is no purpose served by making anyone feel awkward over something like this. at that point the relative may as well have explained for 20 minutes the horrors of the commercial poultry industry or said "we belong to an extreme sect of Jainism and intend to comb the lawn of bugs before we eat some plants dressed with our own urine".

                                                                            I'll have to remember that one.

                                                                            1. re: hill food
                                                                              Chemicalkinetics RE: hill food Nov 29, 2012 07:48 AM

                                                                              Man, You (hill food) and magiesmom are so hard on me. :)

                                                                              I think I just like to see there is a huge gray area between "polite" and "rude" -- a very large neutral area. For example, I like to make faces to little babies and toddlers. I consider the actions are neither rude nor polite.

                                                                              Look, I am not a vegan nor a vegetarian, but I don't think a vegan or a vegetarian should be ashamed or uncomfortable to express their practice. A little discomfort here and there is not that bad. I think it is one of those hurdles which we just have to repeatedly do it -- so that people become more comfortable with it. Everything has a starting point, right?

                                                                              Is it really that uncomfortable or that awkward someone tells me that he is a vegan or that he is gay or that he is a libertarian or that he is a Mormom...etc? Even if it is a little bit of awkward in whatever that situation may be, I don't think it makes it impolite to express their position or belief.

                                                                              Just imagine this. I tell a female coworker that I wish her a happy valentine day with her boyfriend, and then she explain to me that she is really not into boys/men. Does it put me in a awkard position? Possibly a little bit. However, I don't think that makes it impolite or rude. I really think it depends on the tone.

                                                                              1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                mcf RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 07:50 AM

                                                                                "Look, I am not a vegan nor a vegetarian, but I don't think a vegan or a vegetarian should be ashamed or uncomfortable to express their practice."

                                                                                Neither do I and clearly that's not even at issue in this discussion.

                                                                                1. re: mcf
                                                                                  Chemicalkinetics RE: mcf Nov 29, 2012 08:13 AM

                                                                                  <Neither do I and clearly that's not even at issue in this discussion.>

                                                                                  It was a response for hillfood and magiesmom. It is not an issue if we focus on thee relationship between the original poster and her family members. It is an issue if we are discussing between the dynamics between the hairstylist and the family members.

                                                                                2. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                  jmcarthur8 RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 07:58 AM

                                                                                  If another coworker was the one to respond,"Oh, no, Lucy swings the other way", or some like comment about the valentine girl, that would be more like the OPs situation.

                                                                                  Valentine is certainly welcome to state her preferences in partners, food, whatever. It's when others find it incumbent on themselves to tell what valentine likes (when she has not offered the information herself), that it's encroaching on her personal business.

                                                                                  1. re: jmcarthur8
                                                                                    Chemicalkinetics RE: jmcarthur8 Nov 29, 2012 08:05 AM

                                                                                    <If another coworker was the one to respond,"Oh, no, Lucy swings the other way", or some like comment about the valentine girl, that would be more like the OPs situation.>

                                                                                    jmcarthur,

                                                                                    Very good point, and insightful. Again, I have said this before. I hope I don't have to repeat again in every posts. :) I think it is likely to be impolite between the original poster and the family members. In our example, it will be between Lucy and her coworker. :) That relationship between the original poster and her family members is really up to the original poster to decide -- she knows her feeling more than I do. She can make the call regarding if she thinks her family members were being rude to her by giving away her privary and personal information. So far, it is clear to me that the original poster is uncomfortable, so I have already said that it is impolite to the original poster -- see my previous replies.

                                                                                    What I was focusing is the interaction between her family members and the hairstylist. Was it rude to the hairstylist. That I think is in the gray area. In other words, if I asked Lucy out, and another cowoker stepped in and revealed Lucy's preference to me. Was it awkward for me. Yes. Was the other coworker being rude to me? That I don't think so. Was it rude to Lucy? Probaby -- that depends on Lucy's feeling.

                                                                                    So going back to the original poster's story.

                                                                                    Was it rude to the original poster? Likely, but the original poster has the final call on this.
                                                                                    Was it awkard for the hairstylist? Likely.
                                                                                    Was it rude to the hairstylist? Possibly, but most probably not. It depends on the tone which the message was told.

                                                                                    1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                      jmcarthur8 RE: Chemicalkinetics Dec 1, 2012 03:45 AM

                                                                                      There are two components to this situation. One is the violation of the OPs personal business, that makes it awkward for her.
                                                                                      The other part of this situation is what I call a 'conversation stopper'. It's that 'clever' comment made by usually a clueless boob, (or my hubby), that simply cannot be responsed to, thus that awkward silence. It succeeds in giving control of the conversation to the boob, who stands there triumphantly watching everyone else swallow and look for an exit.

                                                                                      1. re: jmcarthur8
                                                                                        Chemicalkinetics RE: jmcarthur8 Dec 1, 2012 05:50 AM

                                                                                        <One is the violation of the OPs personal business, that makes it awkward for her.>

                                                                                        I don't disagree. From the beginning, I admitted that the action wasn't so nice to the original poster. I just wasn't so sure about the interaction toward the hair stylist. Now, the more I think about it. The more I think it was the non vegetarian relatives who spoke out (instead of the vegetarian ones). This of course makes the situation even worse. Thanks for your response.

                                                                                  2. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                    a
                                                                                    antennastoheaven RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 08:15 AM

                                                                                    CK, many people think vegans and vegetarians are smug and prissy and forceful about shoving their diets in everyone's faces. Taking a casual comment that is not actually a question about what someone is eating and turning it into an opportunity to make a statement about one's diet would just continue to reinforce this unfortunate stereotype. I don't really care what others eat and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hear about what I eat, unless they actually ask out of curiosity or my diet impacts plans that we have (such as having dinner together).

                                                                                    Also I think you are missing the point that it's not even like the OP gets to make this decision for herself as to whether or not to discuss her vegan diet - her family is taking it upon themselves to point it out, even though she has explicitly asked them not to. That is inherently disrespectful.

                                                                                    Lastly, I think it is terribly presumptuous and awkward to tell a female coworker to have a happy valentine's day with her boyfriend if you don't know her well and don't know if she has a boyfriend...you are making a universe of assumptions when you say something like that, and could get in trouble at work, regardless of your tone or intent.

                                                                                    1. re: antennastoheaven
                                                                                      Chemicalkinetics RE: antennastoheaven Nov 29, 2012 08:24 AM

                                                                                      <CK, many people think vegans and vegetarians are smug and prissy and forceful about shoving their diets in everyone's faces>

                                                                                      I agree your point, but that is another topic. Maybe we should not expand the topic too large.

                                                                                      <her family is taking it upon themselves to point it out, even though she has explicitly asked them not to. That is inherently disrespectful.>

                                                                                      Again, that is between the original poster and her family members, and I have repeated my answer just about the tenth times now, so I wouldn't think I have to repeat this part again. Please read my above responses to others. There are two relationships here. The one between the original poster and her family, and the one between the family members and the hairstylist.

                                                                                      <Lastly, I think it is terribly presumptuous and awkward to tell a female coworker to have a happy valentine's day with her boyfriend if you don't know her well and don't know if she has a boyfriend....>

                                                                                      Right. You do understand if it is terribly presumptuous and awkward....etc to do this. Then what you really are saying is that the hairstylist was terribly presumptuous and awkward to wish the original poster to eat a lot of turkey. Look back the analogy. The hairstylist who wished the original poster to eat a lot of turkey is equivalent to the person (I) who wished the coworker a happy velentine's day with her boyfriend without knowing she has a boyfriend or not.... In this case, the hairstylist assumed the original poster will eat a lot of turkey without knowing that she will or will not eat turkey.

                                                                                      <you are making a universe of assumptions when you say something like that, and could get in trouble at work, regardless of your tone or intent.>

                                                                                      That would be the hairstylist again -- according to the analogy. Are we faulting the hairstylist who made the universal assumption regardless of the hairstylist's good intention? If so (going along with this logic), then the original poster's family members did have right to act defensive and impolite then. I am not saying they should, but I am just going along with your previous answer.

                                                                                      1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                        a
                                                                                        antennastoheaven RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 10:47 AM

                                                                                        I agree that it is presumptuous that most people assume everyone celebrates Thanksgiving and eats turkey. In that sense, yes, the hairdresser should not have made the assumption. But it happens to vegans and vegetarians all the time.

                                                                                        Having said that:

                                                                                        A) I don't think the family members were sticking up for the OP when they were correcting her, it sounded much more like, "hey, check out our freaky vegan relative that we have to 'put up with'"

                                                                                        B) My point about the reception that vegans/vegetarians get when they mention their diets is exactly why many of us would rather just ignore such a comment and move on. It is relevant - it is context.

                                                                                        Your example about Valentine's Day could get into issues of discussing people's sexual orientation, which is inherent to a person and not a choice and would be a very sticky misunderstanding to get into at work or socially in a way that having a misunderstanding about diet would not. Sorry, I don't think it's a good analogous situation.

                                                                                        1. re: antennastoheaven
                                                                                          Chemicalkinetics RE: antennastoheaven Nov 29, 2012 12:17 PM

                                                                                          Believe me. I probably agree with you more than you think. I have a feeling that maybe the family members were more than just explaining. They probably were being defensive. However, I wasn't really there, so I cannot tell for sure what the tone was like. They could be totally nice about it.

                                                                                          <A) I don't think the family members were sticking up for the OP when they were correcting her, it sounded much more like, "hey, check out our freaky vegan relative that we have to 'put up with'">

                                                                                          I doubt that. The family members are vegetarians, and the original poster is a vegan. I think it is unlikely that vegetarians make fun of vegans. It is not impossible, but unlikely. *Update: I re-read the original post. Now I wonder if I may have misread the post. It might not be the vegetarian relatives who responded. It might have been the non-vegetarian ones. If so, the situation changes, and I like to take some of my comments back. It looks like it was an attack on the original poster. Thanks for pointomg this out. I think for some reasons when I read "My husband, my adult siblings, and I are vegetarian/vegan (their are vegetarian and I am vegan). ". I assumed these vegetarian relatives responded to the hairstylists, but it may very well be that the non-vegetarian relatives responded. In my mind, it makes a huge difference depending who responded and how it was responded. If indeed the non-vegetarians relatives were making the passive-aggressive responses, then they were impolite and rude to the original poster and to the hair stylist. If it was the vegetarian relatives responded, then I imagine that either the vegetarian relatives were simply explaining/informing or that they were being defensive of their lifestyles*

                                                                                          <Sorry, I don't think it's a good analogous situation.>

                                                                                          Probably not. It wasn't a perfect analogy and it did not start off that way.

                                                                                          <which is inherent to a person and not a choice and would be a very sticky misunderstanding to get into at work or socially in a way that having a misunderstanding about diet would not.>

                                                                                          Nah, if that is the logic, then more the reason that it is OK to correct the hairstylist, right? If something is less sticky, then the argument would actually move toward my original point, which is that it is less hurtful for an open discussion -- e.g. more the reason to correct/inform the hairstylist.

                                                                                          1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                            a
                                                                                            antennastoheaven RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 01:27 PM

                                                                                            No, I sense that we do agree to a certain extent and hate to get nitpicky so I apologize if I have been :) And yes, my impression from the OPs post is that the family making the comments are non-vegetarians, so your comments make more sense to me if you were thinking that they were.

                                                                                            But I still say that someone saying "Happy Thanksgiving, eat lots of turkey" isn't worth the time or effort to "correct" in most cases...though apparently I have felt the need to talk about it on the internet for days, so who knows. LOL

                                                                                            Hope everyone had a nice tofurkey this year ;)

                                                                                            1. re: antennastoheaven
                                                                                              Chemicalkinetics RE: antennastoheaven Nov 29, 2012 02:18 PM

                                                                                              <so I apologize if I have been >

                                                                                              You didn't. You were very respectful and polite. Afterall, you were focusing on the issue.

                                                                                              <my impression from the OPs post is that the family making the comments are non-vegetarians>

                                                                                              Yeah, you may very well be correct. In which case, you have definitely convinced me that the family members were out-of-line.

                                                                                              Yes, I actually had a specially nice Thanksgiving. Hope you had a good one too.

                                                                                    2. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                      hill food RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 05:23 PM

                                                                                      Ck - I do see your point and while some are over-sensitive and look for opportunities to take offense, there is an increasing number of others who just share too much.

                                                                                      the comparison to religion, politics or sexuality is a bit stretched. nobody ever got beaten or killed or driven out of town because they don't eat bacon. to me it's all 'hey no skin off my ass' but some don't see things that way.

                                                                                      well anyway I think I'll start using the 'vegan' excuse when ever I'm offered something I don't particularly want. "hey do you need anything from the hardware store?" "wanna go to the botanical garden?" "do you like these socks?"

                                                                                      "no, thanks, I'm vegan!"

                                                                                      1. re: hill food
                                                                                        j
                                                                                        jljohn RE: hill food Nov 29, 2012 05:23 PM

                                                                                        Without attributing anything to the OP, let's not forget that food choices are very often driven by both religion and politics.

                                                                                        1. re: hill food
                                                                                          Chemicalkinetics RE: hill food Nov 29, 2012 05:40 PM

                                                                                          <there is an increasing number of others who just share too much.>

                                                                                          Twitter and Facebook?

                                                                                          <the comparison to religion, politics or sexuality is a bit stretched>

                                                                                          I didn't start the comparison. Someone did, and I was responding/continue along those lines. cresyd wrote "People who are apart of a number of potential "invisible minorities" (being gay, non-majority religion, vegan, etc.) have the right to chose when and how to advocate for themselves....etc"

                                                                                          <nobody ever got beaten or killed or driven out of town because they don't eat bacon>

                                                                                          Then more the reason to express the vegan lifestyle -- since it is a less sensitive subject, right? Surely, there are more urgent reasons for not disclosing one's religion due to potential harms than revealing one's eating lifestyle.

                                                                                          <"no, thanks, I'm vegan">

                                                                                          Are you trying to be Louis CK?

                                                                                          1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                            hill food RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 06:01 PM

                                                                                            Louis CK? I WISH I was that clever!

                                                                                            yeah nothing to be ashamed of, but no reason for others to trot it out either until the menus are passed.

                                                                                            I think we all agree to some extant, hairdresser offended? doubtful, they can probably share stories that might curl your hair without chemicals or heat. OP annoyed? absolutely, but hey it's family and if one is truly miffed, one knows in turn how to chafe their weak spots. I know I do.

                                                                                            jlj - a good point for us all to remember.

                                                                                            1. re: hill food
                                                                                              Chemicalkinetics RE: hill food Nov 29, 2012 06:17 PM

                                                                                              Louis CK is awesome. You should be more like him.

                                                                                              Like I was telling antennastoheaven earlier, I may have read the story incorrectly. It may be the non-vegetarian family members told the hairstylist about the original poster's eating preference to ridicule the original posters, instead of the vegetarian family members trying to explain/clarify the situation. I was under the impression of the latter situation, but I may very well be wrong now. Obviously, my feeling is very different for the two different cases.

                                                                                              1. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                                hill food RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 07:24 PM

                                                                                                "It may be the non-vegetarian family members told the hairstylist ... to ridicule..."

                                                                                                that would be the story in my family. not that anybody other than the yapping mouths even care.

                                                                                                "You should be more like him."
                                                                                                oh great, more advice and lifestyle-coach-type business. yeah well umm something right back at you.... I hope your knives were not made with the carbon content claimed and THEY ALL SNAP! ha. but I do get a kick out of your posts.

                                                                                    3. re: Chemicalkinetics
                                                                                      m
                                                                                      magiesmom RE: Chemicalkinetics Nov 29, 2012 04:36 AM

                                                                                      It absolutely is rude.

                                                                            2. twyst RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 27, 2012 06:05 AM

                                                                              I dont think its rude per se, but it would strike me as a bit "socially awkward"

                                                                              1. a
                                                                                alc RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 27, 2012 05:43 PM

                                                                                The reason why the comment is rude is that the only possible effect on the hairstylist was to cause discomfort and to diminish his or her sense of well-being after having expressed good wishes for the holiday. Depending on his or her sensibilitesthe impact may be anywhere from trivial and near non-existent to more bothersome. But the comment cannot possibly have made him or her feel better about his or herself; the comment could only have made the hairstylest feel worse. The only question is how much worse.

                                                                                1. mcf RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 27, 2012 05:50 PM

                                                                                  I think it was rude, or at last uncalled for. You handled it perfectly well and within your comfort level and the fact that you have specifically asked them to stop makes it rude. That's ignoring the fact that there's nothing to be gained by the rebuke, only discomfort for the person who was simply wishing you a nice holiday innocently.

                                                                                  1. MandalayVA RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 27, 2012 05:53 PM

                                                                                    Know how they know you're a vegan?

                                                                                    YOU TOLD THEM.

                                                                                    You don't have to broadcast your food choices. If you choose not to eat certain foods no one is entitled to an explanation about why you don't eat them. Period.

                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                    1. re: MandalayVA
                                                                                      Justpaula RE: MandalayVA Nov 27, 2012 07:43 PM

                                                                                      OF COURSE the OP told them - they are family, with whom she seems to dine with ocasionally, if not frequently. Are you suggesting she should keep her dietary preferences to herself, like a dirty secret, and if not she should be okay with their passive-aggressive, disrespectful comments? I must be confused.

                                                                                      1. re: Justpaula
                                                                                        hill food RE: Justpaula Nov 27, 2012 08:53 PM

                                                                                        Back to the top - the big question is who gives a shit what the hair dresser thinks when a simple "Thanks! you too!" would have sufficed.

                                                                                        and if I were the hair dresser I'd have saved a sidelong sympathetic glance to the client in question. or just rolled my eyes later.

                                                                                    2. j
                                                                                      jljohn RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 29, 2012 12:06 PM

                                                                                      I am surprised by how many people do not see the inappropriateness here, both in regard to the hairdresser and the OP. The OP's family felt the need to correct the stylists well-wishes and then proceeded to blame (what they perceived to be) their weird Thanksgiving on the OP. [IT IS NOT WEIRD!]

                                                                                      Allow me a hypothetical: Suppose you and yours run into me out in the streets next week, and I, recognizing you instantly as a chow-hounder, wish you a Merry Christmas and comment about kitchen gadgets you might find under your tree. You reply simply, "Happy Holidays to you too!" Now, your dear family is NOT content to leave that one alone. They immediately reply, "Well, we actually don't have a tree; we have a pole. And there won't be any presents, only the airing of grievances and feats of strength, because our relation only celebrates Festivus!"

                                                                                      Now I feel dumb for failing to recognize that you celebrate Festivus, or at the very least I feel like I should have offer you a different greeting, and you have been made to feel like you are the cause of their disappointing holiday.

                                                                                      In the end, we are talking about social pleasantries here. I think the intention of the pleasantry is far more important than the accuracy of its content! Correcting the inaccurate content of a well-intended social pleasantry instead of responding in kind is in rather poor taste.

                                                                                      3 Replies
                                                                                      1. re: jljohn
                                                                                        sunshine842 RE: jljohn Nov 29, 2012 12:09 PM

                                                                                        Dingdingding -- we have a winnah.

                                                                                        1. re: jljohn
                                                                                          mcf RE: jljohn Nov 29, 2012 12:57 PM

                                                                                          "In the end, we are talking about social pleasantries here. I think the intention of the pleasantry is far more important than the accuracy of its content! Correcting the inaccurate content of a well-intended social pleasantry instead of responding in kind is in rather poor taste."

                                                                                          AMEN.

                                                                                          1. re: mcf
                                                                                            hill food RE: mcf Nov 29, 2012 05:29 PM

                                                                                            well said indeed.

                                                                                        2. g
                                                                                          gourmanda RE: YersiniaTheScientist Nov 29, 2012 12:54 PM

                                                                                          I don't think it's rude and I don't see why the stylist (or anyone in that position) would be uncomfortable. I do think it's odd and your family socially awkward . . . reminds me of something Sheldon on Big Bang Theory would say.

                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                          1. re: gourmanda
                                                                                            h
                                                                                            Hobbert RE: gourmanda Dec 1, 2012 05:09 AM

                                                                                            Bazinga...

                                                                                          2. hill food RE: YersiniaTheScientist Dec 2, 2012 01:05 AM

                                                                                            OP - Yersinia: have some fun with this, since they already think you're some kind of food flake, tell them next you've become a raw foodist and just baked a lovely sprout and hand cracked whole grain pizza in the sun on your deck you'd like to share.

                                                                                            in a month or two say you've wised up and recognized that even plant life contains trace amounts of karma that need to be ruthlessly cooked out until it's mush so you don't jeopardize your reincarnation.

                                                                                            later go back to a raw, but all protein diet which definitely includes chicken so you DO ingest the karma.

                                                                                            then later go 'breatharian' and smile over a glass of Pinot Gris at dinner. or five. it'll keep 'em on their toes.
                                                                                            and then snarf vegan corn dogs when you get home.

                                                                                            I'm only being slightly facetious, if others are so concerned with your eating just give them something to think about. let them think "wow, if she were only just vegan again. yeah it was so much easier in those days"

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