Unwanted Advice at the Store

[GraceW]

At the store, I was looking at a display of holiday-oriented cookies. A man walks up and says, "No, you shouldn't eat that. You will gain weight." I tried to laugh it off and said, "Oh, it is for the holidays." And he said, "It doesn't matter. You shouldn't"--and walked away.

What the what? Since when is that appropriate or tasteful to tell people what to eat? I'll be honest: I am not overweight, not even close ... I felt like mini-gingerbread men.. I bought the cookies despite his opinion. But I wondered why/how he would even think to tell a stranger what to purchase....

[Custardly]

So I'm watching "Demolition Man", which is set in 2042. There's a restaurant scene where Stallone's character asks for someone to pass him the salt. Bullock's character responds, “Salt is not good for you, hence it is illegal.”

Considering NYC soda laws, our future will likely suffer the same fate, maybe then people will stop offering unsolicted advice.

[Cheese Boy]

It was a man flirting with you. Take it as a compliment. He was trying to help you avoid the battle of the bulge that so many people face here in America with weight gain. You must have a nice bod otherwise he might not have said ANYTHING at all ... (JMO).

[sunshine842]

I'm not seeing that line of logic AT ALL. He repeated his admonishment and took off -- not the words nor the actions of a guy looking to make points.

[rccola]

Bull. He simply bought into the idea that men have the right to tell women what to do while simultaneously saying that gaining weight will cause the OP to lose attractiveness. A caring, decent man would never do that.

Imagine if women stood near the checkout line and commented on every dropped-waist beer gut that went by.

[foiegras]

What woman has time for that ;)

[MelMM]

+10,000

[rohirette]

rccola, you nailed it.

There is a certain type of man that feels entitled towards women and our bodies. Most don't, but those who do are real, and revolting.

[Karl S]

+1.

In no way is that flirting. None whatsoever.

[Custardly]

Except for those wannabe players who lead in with a put down to try to convince the female that they're an alpha male. But since he sounds too old for that he must really be an alpha!

[viperlush]

I just don't engage the crazy. Either a slight smile or a blank stare. Works well for anyone (strangers in the store, families at holidays, etc.) giving unsolicited advice. I do make exceptions though for the young, elderly, etc. I personally can't wait until I have reached the age where I can get away with saying outrageous/offensive/inappropriate things to random people in public.

[foiegras]

Raising a single eyebrow is good too. It never hurts to have a look or two up your sleeve that's guaranteed to freeze a miscreant in his tracks ;)

[sunshine842]

and The Mom Look. The one that came over the rim of her glasses, just before she spat out your first name, middle name, and last name; when you knew your goose was cooked.

[tracylee]

One of the funniest moments I had while in a nursing home, was a resident who was having a really bad day. One of the CNAs came up to ask her cheerfully how she was, and she replied: "Go to He**!" I just wanted to cheer and yell "You go, girl!". It almost made the abysmal food there worth it for the day!

[makko]

Did he resemble the Mayor?

[Bob W]

This was a grown man? My son recently got into trouble at school for calling a girl "Fatty," but he is just 8 and his verbal filters are still developing.

[Meowzerz]

I'm not sure I agree with the folks who are reading deeply into it. That dude, if I may say, is an a-hole. On a good day, I might do the token "Heh"-plus half-smile then turn away. On any other day, I'd outright ignore the jerk. One of my biggest pet peeves is anyone commenting on another's selection of food.

[Steve Green]

Reading this thread to GF, and she told me her experience from back in the days of the saccharine scare. She was admonished by a neighbor for putting saccharine in her tea: "That stuff gives you cancer". GF replied: "Good -- then it'll kill that big white lab rat I swallowed yesterday."

[pinehurst]

Awesome. AWESOME!

[sunshine842]

lolol

she swallowed the mouse to catch the spider that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her....

[PotatoPuff]

ugh, unsolicited advice makes me so mad I can't sleep at night.

[gaffk]

Have you tried warm milk or perhaps a hot toddy? That should help ;)

[Bill Hunt]

Just don't choose a diet soda - they cause cancer, don't ya know?

Hunt

[gaffk]

Yes, I only drink red wine . . . good for the heart (but the folks at the diner look at me funny while I eat my breakfast).

[Bill Hunt]

LOL!

I am always searching for a great "breakfast Chardonnay."

Hunt

[Leonardo]

Yesterday while in OR wine country, I had a breakfast Gruner Veltliner at 10am. Didn't stop tasting mostly pinot noir/blanc/gris until 2:30.

[Bill Hunt]

The concept of a "breakfast Chardonnay," just rolls off my tongue, and does not, in anyway, preclude other varietals. As GV's are usually VERY food-friendly, that sounds like a good one.

Enjoy,

Hunt

[pikawicca]

Was hooked on a really good breakfast wine a few summers ago -- a
New Zealand SB that tasted like superior grapefruit juice.

[Bill Hunt]

While I have obviously not tried every NZ SB, I do not see that, but it's probably my palate, as I am not a big grapefruit fan for breakfast.

Probably just me.

Hunt

[KaimukiMan]

when living in Korea I had one housemate who thoroughly enjoyed chardonnay with his kimchee and eggs at breakfast. I'd been wondering where the wine was going and walked into the kitchen one morning to find him polishing off a bottle that we had with dinner the night before. he was momentarily distressed to find that it was an 'adult beverage', but didn't let that stand in his way. He told me his grandmother drank rice wine every morning and lived to be 94. Who was I to argue.

note: the rice wine was home fermented in an old kim-chee pot - about 3 gallon size - and bubbled and burped away in a corner of the tool shed. it was the shame of the family because during the japanese occupation and up until the end of the Korean War rice was in short supply and it was illegal to use it to make rice wine. Apparently grandma brooked no "unwanted advice" about her wine, legal or not.

[Solstice444]

The cashier at the convenience store said to me a week or two ago, as I was purchasing diet soda, "Diet soda causes cancer, you shouldn't drink it." I said "Lots of things cause cancer." I'm aware that diet soda isn't the best thing for you, but I wasn't about to say "Oh, really? It's a good thing you told me! I'm not going to buy it anymore." I'm sure plenty of people buy diet soda there each day. Is he telling all people this??

[Lillipop]

Because we all know that cashiers @stores hold Ph.D's in nutrition...oncology...cancer research right? Just have to feel a bit sorry for blatantly ignorant people@times and be the polite person we were taught to be by our parents:) I do not even"take the bait" if someone makes a dopey comment I usually just giggle stupidly and then "act out"@ the ATM taking up their time pretending to not know how to use it in a passive agressive manner:)Ha teach them!

[pine time]

I think I'd have a chat with the manager about that checkout clerk. Isn't the store's business selling things, all sorts of things, including diet soda?

[Solstice444]

Good point!

[Disneyfreak]

I had someone comment recently about something I was buying -- yogurt the fat free flavored kind. I was at the check out and had just put it on the belt. The woman behind me saw my yogurt choice - I think it was Yoplait -- and then she asked me what it was sweetened with. She proceeded to ask me about the ingredients and then told me that it wasn't healthy (this compared to the kind she was buying.) My teenage daughter was shocked that someone would comment on someone else's purchase. I told her I was buying it because it was on sale. Then I turned away.

[Isolda]

This sounds like something that happens all too frequently in a Whole Foods, but WF doesn't sell Yoplait. They do, however, sell sugary-as-hell cereals in politically correct biodegradable bags (and I'm sure each sugar cane is lovingly nurtured from birth and even baptized and named) so I haven't quite figured out where they draw the line. Gelatine in yogurt, maybe? Who knows? I'll keep eating my knock-off Lucky Charms and you enjoy that evil yogurt.

[Disneyfreak]

Put some Lucky Charms in the yogurt and you have a complete meal. Completely evil that is.

[rccola]

I'd have said, gee, looking at you I assumed you wanted it for naturopathic yeast vaginitis cure.

Sorry. I'll go stand in the corner now. =(

[gaffk]

Snort and chortle . . . I'm saving that in my memory bank should some random shopper comment on my yogurt choice :)

Please leave the corner and join the class.

[Disneyfreak]

Too funny! I wish I would have come up with a comeback like that, but it probably would have embarrassed my daughter.

[cosmogrrl]

Isn't that in your job description as a Mom? ;)

[free sample addict aka Tracy L]

I have always looked younger than my years and have had my fair share of people everywhere giving me unsolicited advice. I had a similar incident in TJ's over Joes Ohs. I was in a kitchen store looking for some cookie cutter when a lady came out of nowhere and suggested poultry shears are an excellent gift for mom. It was to early for Christmas and a few months past mother's day so I was speechless. My ex husband who witnessed the interchange apologetically and gently told the lady they don't allow sharp objects where my mother is at. In the retelling of the story my friends thought he was mean, but I was relieved she didn't bother me any further.

[sunshine842]

LOL -- I think that's hilarious!

[Kajikit]

Answer (especially since you're apparently far from having a weight problem) - 'you say that like it's a bad thing'...

[KaimukiMan]

not sure of the nuances of his comment or other behavior, but its the kind of thing my Grandfather would have done. He had an opinion on most everything and rarely denied himself the enjoyment of sharing it. Grandma was only a little more subtle, often telling women (that she had never met before, didn't know, and would never see again) that they should get their hair bobbed as it wasn't attractive hanging in fingers.

Appropriate? Nope. Were my Grandparents in some way deranged? No more than most of us.

[Lillipop]

I love little old people in the store. I also taught both of my adult children ( male & female) to show kindness and respect for them. To this day my 28 year old son will practically knock people out of his way to get the door for an older person....or chat them up in the grocery store or reach that item off of the top shelf. So sweet:)

[Bill Hunt]

K'Man,

Sounds like my maternal grandmother (second marriage, so probably my "step grandmother."), when, on her deathbed, she told me that my beard did not suit my face. Moments later, she died, and had that thought on her mind. Now, and 40 years later, I still have that beard, but do not have that grandmother.

Hunt

[LeoLioness]

I'm pretty sure I would have told him to fuck off. As an occasional smoker who has heard all sorts of random, unsolicited comments from strangers about it, that has become my stock reply. Rude begets rude.

[Bill Hunt]

I agree about personal choices. While I never smoke my cigars in closed, public places, and even seek out an outdoor spot, I do not appreciate others imposing their choices on me.

I do not look for any confrontation, and seek private places, but do not appreciate anyone telling me, how to live MY life.

So long as it IS private, and away from others, they tread on very, very thin ice. They are usually only warned once, and then things go bad, very quickly.

Hunt

[fishyman45]

One time at the market an elderly gentleman instructed me to become a vegan, and grabbed the bacon from my cart and put it back in the case. He told me that eating meat was unkind to animals. I just said thanks for the advice, and decided to purchase the bacon anyway. I respect that some people feel that way, but it's not his place to make those decisions for me.

[sunshine842]

as much as I try to avoid confrontation, when it's that blatant and that confrontational, I'm afraid I've had ripped it out of his hand, plunked it back in my cart, and asked who the hell appointed him my grocery fairy.

[Bkeats]

You are a lot nicer than me. I would have grabbed it back and said what the eff are you doing?

[Bill Hunt]

I agree completely. What I want, is what I want - no equivocation. What someone else wants, is up to them. I do not care, and do not wish to hear anyone critique any choices that I make, until it gets to the US Supreme Court.

Stay clear, and you will likely not be hurt, at least too badly. Get in my face, and you take your chances - "feeling lucky punk?"

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

Sounds like an "elderly gentleman" needed a big slap on the hand.

Even at MY advanced age, I would NEVER try to impose MY tastes, and food choices, on anyone. I mean, would I ever place a platter of foie gras into a stranger's cart? No way.

Some folk feel that age gives them extra power, over others' lives, or choices. I would never do that.

What I enjoy, is what I enjoy. What you enjoy, is what you enjoy, and the two are likely to never meet.

While I have gained some wisdom, in all of my years, they do NOT impact you, and never should they. All "older gentlemen" are not the same.

Hunt

[jujuthomas]

<snort> I did almost the opposite the other night... a really yummy looking package of cookies was placed first on the checkout by the person in line behind me. I commented on how delicious they looked... then commented that cookies like that are the reason I don't usually visit the cookie aisle. The cashier and I offered to taste test them before he took them home, to make sure they were safe for his consumption. The three of us had a good laugh. :)

[goodhealthgourmet]

see, that's normal - and acceptable - to me. i only comment on someone else's items if they're buying something i really like, or if i've been wanting to try one of the things they're purchasing and i ask them about it.

cashiers and the customers next to me in line can never seem to keep their opinions to themselves about how "healthy" my purchases are, and it's just as irritating as it would be if i was buying all junk food and they told me how bad it was for me. just shut up and mind your own business.

[Bill Hunt]

At a Costco checkout, I pointed to a baby in the cart's seat, and commented, "was he on sale?" Hope that everyone got the joke. At least the mother did not put the child on the belt for checkout...

Hunt

[escondido123]

Boy, Bill I think some in this crowd would have tackled you to the ground and called the pedophile squad.

[Bill Hunt]

In some areas, to the West of me, I am sure that no one would have gotten the joke, and would have over reacted. At least I was in AZ, and not to the West.

Hunt

[jujuthomas]

yeah, commenting about how healthy - or not - the contents of your cart or your plate is unnecessary.

we had some oaf recently in a sushi restaurant who was A.mazed at the amount of sushi we ordered.... a total of 5 rolls, but the put it on 1 giant plate. he made his party stay in the restaurant until we were done to see us finish it all. Even came to our table and told us how amazing it was. 5 rolls, 2 people, 2.5 rolls each.. dude, really?

[sunshine842]

but had he been at Olive Garden or Cracker Barrel, he wouldn't have flinched to see more food than that on each individual plate...that's weird.

[Bill Hunt]

Yes, there are many spots in the Deep South, where that sushi dinner would have been considered but one early course, of 8. If one does not take home at least 8 lbs. of food, the portions are considered too small, and the reviews are very negative.

Hunt

[why_itsme]

Reading all these comments just reinforces my choice to have my groceries delivered. Avoids all these issues.

[Bill Hunt]

That sounds good - until the delivery person tells you that the Beryer's Toasted Pecan will make you fat... No tip!

Hunt

[redfish62]

I would assume he's mentally ill, smile and nod my head.

[Leonardo]

TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury, could be an explanation. The filter is off.
I'm not appreciating the feminist man-bashing going on here. Were it a woman, I doubt there'd be any woman-bashing, or if it were, it would be deleted.

[sunshine842]

Please let me be completely clear -- if Cookie Man or Carrot Man were women, I'd still remove myself from the situation -- it's far enough out of the confines of what is defined as "normal behaviour" that it's unsettling and unpredictable.

My heart hurts for those dealing with the autism/Asperger's spectrum, cranial injuries and mental illness -- but if someone is functioning at a level high enough to mean that they go out into public unaccompanied, then they should be functioning at a level high enough to understand that insulting or frightening behavior doesn't have to be tolerated by others, either.

[latindancer]

I completely agree.

[escondido123]

Truly, far outside the confines of normal behavior? Boy, you must live in a very sheltered environment if that gets you insulted or frightened. Guess I just live in an entirely different world where off hand comments are no big deal.

[sunshine842]

Boy, you must be lucky enough to have never been stalked through an entire mall by someone offering an offhand comment.

I didn't say anything about being frightened -- I said I would choose to remove myself from the situation -- thus removing any potential for being frightened or insulted...or threatened.

it only takes ones to change your perspective.

[escondido123]

If someone is bothering me for any length of time, I would go to store/mall security and ask for assistance.

[sunshine842]

I have had to do so.

[pamf]

Exactly, escondido123. It's in the stores best interest to look out for their customers. They have security and will remove someone if they are harassing other customers.

[sunshine842]

but it is in my own best interest to remove myself from a situation that doesn't feel "right" -- hopefully before security has to be called.

And you'll pardon me if I really don't want to put my personal safety in the hands of the average mall security guard, although I didn't hesitate to have store personnel call mall security when it became apparent that this guy was dangerous.

[pamf]

OK, cool, you did call security. Exactly what I meant, if there is more than a passing concern, then ask for help.

I would rather have an "average mall security guard" walk me to my car, than go unaccompanied, if I felt someone was dangerous or threatening me.

[sunshine842]

which was exactly what happened.

Happily, I wasn't hurt -- but it's as close a call as I ever want to have.

[latindancer]

<it only takes once to change your perspective.>

So true and in many cases that innate intuition we're born with comes in handy. Nobody is suggesting that every person who comes along, and says something off color, is potentially dangerous. I think, in your situation, where you were actually stalked, *flight* is certainly warranted. And quickly.

[Bill Hunt]

Sunshine, when I am "on the move," I often introduce myself as "The Cookie Man," or the "Carrot man," but it depends on the setting...

Nah, I get what you are talking about. I really only introduce myself, to the unsuspecting, as "The Montrachet Man... "

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

Not sure about the "lady-bashing," but I would assume that some folk would view a lady, as being more vulnerable.

Still, as a guy, I have encountered the same, but only in CA restaurants (or on the street at their door), and never in a grocery store.

Hunt

[foiegras]

Feminist man-bashing, are you effing kidding me?!

Men attempting to control women by commenting unfavorably on their weight or what they're eating is a norm among some sorts. I have had this happen to me at work--I believe I was a size 6 at the time. My coworker informed me I should lose weight. And I am not the kind of woman who invites unsolicited advice, so I'm sure others have experienced this more than I have. Actually, it last happened to me on Sunday. I went to a open air food fair with a group, and the man who put it together looked at my bag of leftovers and said to me, "That's a lot of food--what did you get?" (It was not a lot of food--it was a lot of oversize containers.) And then last week, a male coworker commented on what I was considering ordering at a restaurant, that it might be too much food. This is beyond common ... too bad you can't walk in my stilettos for a week, you'd know just what we're talking about.

Grace, a line for you from my mother (who lifted it from a book) ... "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

[Bill Hunt]

Just a guess, on my part, but any man, commenting on a lady's weight, cannot be married. Enough said. That is like a death-sentence. Some topics are just NOT allowed. To do so, exhibits several things: the commentator has no class, no social skills, and is NOT married. A sentence tells a lot about a person.

Hunt

[foiegras]

Of the three, only one is married ;) I strongly suspected that he was on automatic pilot with me, that his wife is the usual recipient of his anxiety about ordering too much food. (I wonder if he is aware of to-go boxes ...) The one who told me I needed to lose weight, definitely was not.

I generally cook my meals and I tend to cook healthy food ... when I eat out 1-3 times a week, I get to order what I want, it being a free country and all.

But I did seem to notice a neon sign lighting up on all three foreheads ... "Whatever you do, don't pick me!!!"

[Bill Hunt]

<<I get to order what I want, it being a free country and all.>>

Sounds like a grand plan - and I support you.

Hunt

[KaimukiMan]

any man who comments on a woman's weight not only must be single as Hunt noted, but must have been hatched as he obviously had no mother either.

[Custardly]

Not to offend, but aside from the one saying you should lose weight, maybe your perspective of the reason for their comments was slanted, perhaps projecting your insecurities at them.
The guy looking at your bags then saying "that's a lot of food", did he mention your weight? Maybe he just thought it was a lot of food, and had no other meaning behind it.
The guy saying your order "might be too much food", sounds like he was thinking you wouldn't be able to all of it.
Though I don't know the full context, it doesn't sound like either was being critical of your weight.

[Custardly]

Oh, and as for "men trying to control women", when I use to ride a motorcycle I was constantly harped on by female coworkers to wear a helmet. At stoplights, women would lower their window to lecture me about not wearing a helmet. The times I wore a helmet and carried it into a store with me, they would approach to say how dangerous motorcycles are and that I shouldn't ride one. Then there was always the stories about a person they knew who was severely injured or died. Thanks, just what I wanted to hear.

If I cared to think it over, I could come up with many other scenarios for unsolicited comments from women.

So foiegras, and other woman upset about unsolicited comments from men, have you mothered a coworker/stranger lately?

[foiegras]

I did work with a woman who allowed her ex, permanently disabled in a motorcycle accident, to move back in with her, and now she cares for him.

Hopefully you won't project any insecurities onto this neutral piece of information.

[Custardly]

Wow, how awesome of her!

Haha, no projections here. I apologize for any offense, it truly wasn't my intention.

[Custardly]

Haha!

[redfish62]

What makes me certain this guy is "different" is he used the word "weight" in a conversation with a woman, there are certain words you just can't use. Do not ever refer to size, I don't care if she weighs 95 pounds. Gaining weight, losing weight, anything even remotely related to weight, stay far far away from it.

[grampart]

These sensitive women, leave the house much do they?

[foodieX2]

you owe me a new keyboard! LMAO!

[goodhealthgourmet]

ha! that was awesome :)

[Karl S]

Not just women, but anyone. Do.Not.Go.There.Ever.

[Bill Hunt]

No! After 42+ years of marriage, I have learned that there ARE words, not to be used:

Weight
Dress size
Number of pairs of shoes
Number of ball gowns
Number of purses

And there are probably a few more, that are not coming to my mind right now. Guys - never use those terms!

Hunt

[KaimukiMan]

well put. jeff foxworthy did a little video on this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJytm3...

[Bill Hunt]

Though from the Deep South, I have not caught much Jeff Foxworthy. Thank you for linking that video. I almost completely agree with him, and almost on everything. Luckily, with about # 4, my wife is FAR and away, the best cook, do it's a no-brainer, at least for me.

Now, similar could be said for people, who wish to coerce others into ordering dishes, that they deem appropriate. As Mr. Foxworthy might say - "Don't do it. Others do not care what YOU think, and might be heavily armed... "

Hunt

[Custardly]

This guy was definitely out of line, but the sad thing about the "w" word is that many woman fail to treat men with the same consideration they expect from us regardless of the words/subject being spoken of.

[sunshine842]

Once, when receiving unsolicited advice about child-rearing in the supermarket (my kiddo was sitting quietly in the seat in the cart, telling me in inside voice about a trip they'd made at day-care that day -- not screaming or even talking loudly) -- I tried ignoring, and she followed me down the aisle. I finally just stopped, turned, held out my hand in introduction, and said "I'm sorry -- you're Dr......?" "Oh, I'm not a doctor." "Oh, really? Because I was sure if you are so well-versed in child nutrition that you need to give unsolicited advice to complete strangers, you MUST be a pediatric specialist of some sort!" She looked like she'd been slapped, but turned and went back to her card"

With a far-too-nosy checkout clerk who was commenting on every other item I bought -- just a comment that I was here to buy my groceries, and she is here to ring them up and accept my payment. No additional services necessary.

But the guy with the cookies in the OP and the carrots-in-lye guy? Those are just weird, and I think I'd just ignore both of them. Weird in the "this person obviously doesn't think like most people, so I cannot assume that his continued behavior will be anything resembling normal, so it's probably best to remove myself from this uncomfortable situation."

[Lillipop]

People always talk to me in the grocery store. But some random male coming up to specifically tell you that you will gain weight if you eat cookies does seem rather like a scene from a Woody Allen flick. Like maybe the guy wanted to flirt but was so anxious and socially inept he started spewing forth nonsense:) We always joke about "drive-bys". It is when people do socially outrageous things in public that leaves other people's jaws dropping and turning red or running as fast as they can.

[Bill Hunt]

I was thinking more about a Larry David scene, than Woody Allen, but can see your point. Sort of the same weird situation, and not a good one, at that.

Hunt

[GraceW]

My goodness--had it been Larry David, then I maybe would have understood the situation because Larry is always absurd!

[Bill Hunt]

GraceW,

As was your unfortunate interaction.

Hunt

[Crockett67]

Mild street harassment. A man who felt entitled to tell you (a women) what you need to do to keep favorable in his eyes.

I file this under the "smile, you look better when you do" or like the one time I stock up on a few bottles of wine had two men keep following me saying they wanted to come home with me and asking where the party was. They were not frat boys either. It got so bad to the point where I set the basket down and left the store. I had only three #@$! bottles of wine in my basket dang it!!

Look I know that most guys are not going to understand but I deal with it all the time. I was on the plane and about to eat a fig newton, man next to me said "You know you shouldn't eat that if you want to stay that way" I'm 5'7" and size 4! I was too stun to say anything.

This is how you can tell when it's sexist. Would that man ever tell another man that?

I was glad to hear you were strong enough to brush his comment off and do what you planned to.

[khuzdul]

Actually I would assert that most guys do understand and are appalled, but they are not the ones that matter to resolve this particular issue. Sadly the fellows whom you do need to make understand probably will never understand. If they do, they leave the asshole population at a rate slow enough that new additions more than makeup for the loss.

[Crockett67]

I totally agree with you. 95% of the men I interact with no worries. In fact, down right gentlemen. It's the other 5% that I don't care for. The only problem is, you don't know which guy is which until they reveal themselves. *sigh*

[Bill Hunt]

Well, not over a Fig Newton, but I have had men tell me to not eat what I ordered, in a restaurant. I always just give them "the look," and have only once had to resort to "the voice of God," to get them to focus on THEIR meal, and not mine. That was in California, to help a previous poster understand. Elsewhere, around the globe, I have never had any other diner comment on my food, other than to comment on how great it looked, and possibly ask what dish I had ordered.

Some folk feel inclined to press their tastes, or social responsibilities on others. They should never do that.

Hunt

[Crockett67]

*Hug* you are a very special man. :)

[jmcarthur8]

Grace, I know a lady who does that. I think it's just the empty nest syndrome in her. She really thinks everyone appreciates her advice, and that she's doing a public service.
There are plenty of food police out there who aren't crazy, they're just obsessive about everyone else's eating habits.

[sal_acid]

What annoys me is when I ask the meat guy if he has a certain cut and he answers by saying "what ate you going to use it in?"

I'm not looking for a consult from a meat packer. Damnit. Do you have it or not?

[Kat]

Once a guy in the grocery store told me not to buy the baby carrots I had in my hand because they are dipped in lye. I smiled politely at him and started to walk away with the carrots and then he started to berate me for buying them and I took off with my carriage.

[Jay F]

>>Once a guy in the grocery store told me not to buy the baby carrots I had in my hand because they are dipped in lye.<<

I thought they only used chlorine.

[Bill Hunt]

I expected this to be a "carrot genocide" reply. You surprised me.

Hunt

[Jay F]

???

[grampart]

The Carrot Genocide

"It was cold and the pinpricks of rain falling upon our faces were reminders of reality. We trudged through the mud, as the rain fell harder. Thunder sounded, lightening flashed. We walked over to where Bailey lays, face down on the ground..."

The carrots had already gotten to him.

Bailey was my brother, and a farmer as well. It was the year 2028, and the carrots had begun a war with the humans. They were a mutation through genetic engineering, and were never meant to breathe life and walk... or kill.

They started with the rabbits first, their animal screams and cries kept me up through the night. The sound of dying hares forever echo within my head. No one knew what was killing them all at the time. After all of the rabbits were eliminated from the area, they moved on to humans. The carrots realized they had been food, produce for humans for years. Now it was payback.

The first person they got was just a little girl, sent out to the garden by her mother to fetch some carrots for a cake. All of the childhood images I ever had of carrots was gone, the smiling rabbits with a carrot in their mouth around Easter time, the thoughts of springtime and sunshine in the gardens. It all became a horrific nightmare of bloody murder.

Now I stand here with my sister at the body of my dead brother in the garden. Her red hair blended into my rainstruck brunette as she leaned against me in tears. The water blackened everything a shade, but the mood made my eyes dark with calm fury.

"What are we going to do, Bex?" she asked me.

"The only thing left we can..." I loaded my shotgun and handed her a weed-eater.

"Never give a vegetable a brain."

[sunshine842]

even more ????

[MrsBridges]

I'm guessing this is NOT from the Great Vegetable Rebellion episode of Lost in Space? Moisture! Moisture!

[Bill Hunt]

That deserves a major award!

Just fabulous, and well-written.

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

>>Once a guy in the grocery store told me not to buy the baby carrots I had in my hand because they are dipped in lye.<<

"Baby carrots." What part of that, do you not get? "Carrot genocide." Not THAT abstract an issue, at least not to me. Maybe it is just MY sense of humour?

I envy you, your creativity, and writing skills. Better than most of the papers that I grade.

Hunt

[Harters]

Seems to me a completely trivial matter which, had it happened to me, I doubt whether I'd even mention it on returning home.

[Jay F]

+1

[grampart]

The horror........the horror.

[Bacchus101]

+2

[Leonardo]

+6. Socially inept does not equal sociopath. He's not Jeffery Dahmer.
And 99% of what is called "harrassment" isn't. He committed no crime.

[Karl S]

Sociopath =/= psychopath.

[sal_acid]

+3

[escondido123]

+4

Strange, creepy, jerk, sociopathic, harrassment seem like much too strong reactions--I think the guy was just making a comment that I wouldn't have remembered by the time I got home.

[latindancer]

+5.

Perhaps a chuckle, but that's about it.

[Bill Hunt]

Except for when he popped up from the back seat, as you turned out of the parking lot...

Hunt

[escondido123]

I love it when people make comments in the grocery store. You should have seen the back and forths at TJs yesterday over the pile of brussels sprouts still on the stalks--lovers, haters and all sorts of recipes flying. Very fun.

[melpy]

Usually comments at the grocery are from the cashier and are insensitive a out what I am buying, generally about what they consider to be exotic vegetables. Makes me sad for the youth of the nation since inevitably it is the teenagers who have the gall to make comments like that.

[Bill Hunt]

Hey, my wife just bought a "stalk" in AZ today. Actually, I did not know exactly how the little dudes grew. Looked sort of like one of our yucca plants, when it finally "blooms." I learned something new!

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

Some years back, a nicely-dressed gentleman approached me in a Costco. I had just filled my basket with wines, ranging from a couple of 1er Cru Bdx., to a couple bottles of Penfolds Grange, down to some everyday Chards. He commented that he could see that I really enjoyed wines, and offered a suggestion. I held my breath, expecting the worst. He asked me to try a certain Bdx. Blend wine, but begged me to not look at the price. I first thought that he might be a distributor, but saw his cart, and he was just a shopper, like me. He pointed out one wine - but I looked at the price - $12.98. I hesitated. He caught my hesitation, and said, "I asked you to NOT look at the price." I asked about the wine, and he went into detail on it. Based on that, I bought 4 bottles. It was the Glen Carlou Grand Classique for SA. When I got home, I told my wife the story, and we opened a bottle with some grilled beef. It WAS good. So good, that the next day, I bought the two cases that that Costco had. I gifted several bottles, and everyone went to their Costco stores, and bought the wine, by the case. That recommendation, and chance conversation, were greatly appreciated. While not a 1er Cru Bdx (and not age-worthy, by my testing), it WAS a good wine, and a great "deal."

Hunt

[escondido123]

Bill, you make me chuckle. For me, the concern wouldn't be that the wine was too cheap, but rather too expensive. Ah, the different worlds we live in. Glad you were willing to take the "risk."

[Bill Hunt]

In my particular case, with that incident, my choices were way, way above what the gentleman was recommending. I hesitated, when I saw the price, but am glad that he kept me focused - very good wine, and at a very low price-point. Had he not recommended it, I would never have bought it. Shows that price is not all, that some (like me) crack it up to be.

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

Some people feel obligated to change the world, but in their view of the world.

I would have ignored that person, and not thought about them.

Hunt

[GraceW]

I named a gingerbread-man cookie after the man... right before the cookie-man went for a swim in hot coffee.. then I ate him.

A literal rendition of: "Let the poison of your neighbor die within you."

[Bill Hunt]

Grace,

Think that I would have crumbled "him," and tossed "him" into the trash.

I am not a fan of "creepy people," whether it's in a supermarket, or elsewhere.

I talk to my wife about such people, and am glad that she is heavily armed. Too many "creeps" around.

Take care, and be safe,

Hunt

[lcool]

Smart you and wife.
Snoopy etc short of creep I prefer to ignore.Sometimes it just doesn't work.
On election day a women my own age verbally accosted my in the check out line because I wasn't wearing the "I voted sticker".That fact I vote absentee Montana wasn't a good answer.It really set her off about what a scummy tax cheat etc I must be.The manager and security escorted her out,PROMPTLY.I get halfway to my car and here she is,trotting at me screaming with security on her tail.No problem,van,auto open door,MY GUN DOG,75# Chesapeake Bay Retriever,not a breed noted for warm and fuzzy and this one tolerates NO ONE,EVER yelling at MOM.As "off" as she was,she was on enough to choose uniform security over me and a bay dog.Bless the husband for my new old lady van with auto everything this past birthday.

And an if I am so lucky in the future with wit
We had my parents,still very active and healthy,but frail,born 1909 & 1910 with us 1997 to 2002 & 2003.In between work and heavy travel schedules there was THE trip to our large independently owned fancy supermarket once or twice a month with them.Both still very involved in food,ingredients,the cellar etc and as opinionated and particular as ever.Me,a cart filled with 24qts of heavy cream,12 bottles of devon cream,4-3# block of butter,ducks and liver etc on my way to collect parents in produce acquired a lurker.Just a glance told me,OH SHIT this lady is either the health or fur police.She got maybe three sentences into the evils of cream when my VERY FRENCH mother arrived,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,who brought her rant to a HALT with,this is ALL mine and "the refrigerator NEEDS these things,will perish horribly without them" and much more.Me 50+ actually felt more sorry for this 20 something fool than I did for my struggle to keep a straight face.When all of us were in the parking lot I laughed until I cried.

[jujuthomas]

those are great stories! sheesh - voting lady needs to get over herself. Our polling stations did not give out I voted stickers this year. Good thing she didn't see me! ;)

the refrigerator NEEDS these things - awesome awesome line.

[sunshine842]

but my curiosity is getting the better of me -- what did you actually do with all of that?

I'm betting it was delicious...and that there was a LOT of it!

[lcool]

We were shopping for an annual bash,Bobby Burns birthday and the 28th anniversary for me and hubby.Me with a 110% Scottish father to go with the 110% French mother was then and now plenty smart enough to leave the menu,shopping etc alone.1998,the dad born 1909,still making puff pastry,ergo the imported butter blocks,the mom still making sauces,ICE CREAMS and pastry,ergo the barely pasteurized cream,LEAVING ME to take the heat for the cart while they were driving Henry the produce manager crazy and bickering about the merits of a curd featuring kiwi fruit. Yeah,nay,yeah,nah,sieve gauge?size?blanche time?what for acid?Yes kiwi makes an excellent curd,the acid settled on was 1/2 Meyer lemon 1/2 Champagne and so on.This was them,
healthy,active,involved,sharp to the end and life was lived.OR ELSE
Spouse and one of the owners were hanging out in the managers elevated place watching,listening and rolling on the floor laughing so hard the cashiers came to a halt.
My mother was a pistol,as was her mother with the tongue.
IT WAS ONE HELL OF A PARTY...........

[sunshine842]

Awesome...

[lcool]

Thank You ,from all,certainly including the lurkers from above

[Crockett67]

How poetic!

[EM23]

"Cookie" met a just fate. Well played, Grace.

[Bacardi1]

That's outrageous. And I agree that you were lucky that he just walked away & didn't end up following you around.

The only time I've ever spoken to someone in the market is if I've accidentally overheard them & can chime in that I've tried the product they're thinking about & how it's worked for me. Or if someone is looking for something, & I know where they can find it. But I'd never EVER say anything rude like that to anyone. Geesh.

[Karl S]

Such behavior is never appropriate; it is sociopathic behavior. Be perfectly still, and glare icily. Such people typically expect to fluster you, and don't like when their behavior is noticed for what it really is (as all bullies hate being called out, as it were). Passive avoidance is only advisable when the person might be physically dangerous.

[Bill Hunt]

However, I encounter it too often in California, where many feel appointed to control everyone around them, and especially regarding food.

Not sure WHERE this incident happened, but I encounter similar, all too often in San Francisco, where many feel obligated to "correct" all of my choices.

I just ignore, and move on.

Hunt

[linguafood]

Really, this is particular to California? I know the best nuts are from California, but would you care to share some of your many experiences where people felt obligated to correct all of your choices?

[Bill Hunt]

Not sure the exact geography, where it might be particular, but I have encountered it in CA, mostly in San Francisco, but not in other parts of the US. Maybe I just missed it?

I have had several, who commented from a near-by table, on my (or my wife's) choices of meals. As neither of us even acknowledged them, I felt rather put-out, that they should even indulge us in conversation, let alone comment on our choices.

Hunt

[cosmogrrl]

Never heard anyone comment on my food choices in SF, and I'm a native. I'm lucky I guess.

[Bill Hunt]

I suppose that it is all about the where, the when, and then, the who is around you.

Hunt

[Lillipop]

The thing about San Francisco is that you were probably interacting with tourists Bill Hunt.I am a native Californian born in San Rafael just a few miles north of San Francisco in Marin County and then raised in Sonoma county from age four. From age eight until fourteen I spent every summer in San Francisco with my older sister and her husband. My experience with San Franciscans (as a child and an adult) is that they rarely speak unless spoken to:) Plus the city is so full of rude overbearing tourists that you have to prepared for anything when you are in the city.

[cosmogrrl]

Their not all bad, I live near Huntington Sq. and see many everyday. Not a week goes by when I direct someone to wherever it is their going, or offer tips about places to eat, etc.

[Bill Hunt]

Well, I AM a "tourist," but dine there about 60 nights per year, due to our travels. Obviously, not a local, but a frequent diner. Actually, I have had more negative interactions in "neighborhood" restaurants, than those, that I would typify as "tourist."

Hunt

[cosmogrrl]

Actually, we import most our nuts from other states :)

[foiegras]

Here in Texas, we prefer to import our nuts from other countries--other states as a last resort ;)

[Custardly]

"I know the best nuts are from California." Hey, an unintentional pun!

[linguafood]

Not really.

[latindancer]

<However, I encounter it too often in California>

I was just having this conversation yesterday with a friend who was driving with me. We were behind a young man in an environmentally safe car who was going EXACTLY the speed limit in the passing (fast) lane. Anyone who knows LA freeways understands this is unadvisable. Everyone, including me, who passed him the on right, dodging traffic, got a big fat middle finger. The next stop for us was at Trader Joe's where I picked up a basket full of their tamales for my freezer. The checkout lady advised me they were loaded with calories (I know) and proceeded to tell us they weren't good for me and she stays away from them for that purpose. Our last stop was dinner. We both ordered our usual cabarnet, caesar salad, ribeye and creamed spinach. Neither one of us is even remotely overweight but our waiter (a young, good looking wannabe actor) informed us that if we continue to eat like this we'll be heffers in no time (not his words but eluded to it).
The world is filled with self-appointed guardians of the world and its inhabitants. In this city I've learn to laugh at it. If I took it all to heart I'd be 6 ft under in no time :).

[Karl S]

That's why I say keep dogma out of food and in religion where it can do less harm. Give me a bible thumper over the food guardians any day. The food guardians don't realize how noxious they are; the bible thumper knows and employs it as a shtick, and so you can actually mutually acknowledge reality with a bible thumper in a way you cannot with a food guardian.

[linguafood]

"That's why I say keep dogma out of food and in religion where it can do less harm."

Yeah, the influence of the food police on politics over the bible thumpers' is shocking.

You're kidding, right?

[Karl S]

Nope. The food police are even more noxious in person. They actually spoil myriad daily social interactions. The religion police, less so by comparison. I venture more TG dinners will be spoiled by food nannies curdling people's social interactions than religion folks. You see, in good manners, people can always end a discussion about religion by reminding folks that religion, politics and sex discussions are unwelcome. However, in a feast about food, the food nannies feel emboldened rather than chastened. Dreadful.

[linguafood]

I guess I'm just *really, really* lucky with my circle of friends, then.

You're not talking about food police with regard to strictly adhering to recipe guidelines, right?

'-D

[Karl S]

Nope, about what is healthy/good versus what is unhealthy/evil. I've witnessed countless social interactions killed by this in ways I've NEVER seen religion discussions (partly because people who are not children feel more empowered in religion discussions so bullying can be stopped more readily; in areas of health/food, a lot of people lack confidence to stop health/food bullies in their tracks - worse still, many people actually internalize the bullying and then inflict it visibly upon themselves at the table with self-feedback ("oh, no, I really shouldn't; it's unhealthy/et cet.") that prompts the anti-social cycle).

Here's a good social rule of thumb: when dining, it is profoundly rude to comment (by word or noticeable reaction) on the health merits of food. It never occurred to the old etiquette manualists to include this in the old banned trinity of religion-politics-sex from polite conversation because they probably never thought people would be THAT clueless. But they are, Blanche.

[latindancer]

<However, in a feast about food, the food nannies feel emboldened rather than chastened>

I have a friend who invites 25 people to her home for holidays and refuses to serve sugar or carbs. The entire meal is sugarless and no carb. It all tastes like cardboard. Everyone leaves and goes out to dinner at a restaurant.

[Bill Hunt]

Good analogies. I try to steer clear of both parties.

Hunt

[Bill Hunt]

Sounds like what I have experienced in San Francisco (we are there, La Jolla, San Diego, Napa and Sonoma, but seldom in Los Angeles). I have had folk at near-by tables say things, such as "You know, that is not good for you." "That fish is not sustainable and is on several do not eat lists." "Do you know what the duck goes through, so you can eat that?" Some days, it never ends. I have even had "street people" approach me, when entering a restaurant, to warn me that they do not serve fish, approved by the UN!

I did not realize that LA would be the same, and assumed that it was a "Northern thing," but see that it is not.

Where I come from (the Deep South), and now live (the "wild" West), folk would never intrude on a diner, with such comments. The only time that there is any conversation about dishes, is the "Wow, that looks lovely. What dish is that?" I am always glad to share that info.

Hunt

[Isolda]

Bill, we call those "crone attacks" in my family. Usually, it's women of a certain age, primarily on the west coast (Seattle, where my family lives, has them, too) who do this. As I am middle-aged myself, I am very careful to keep all of my comments to strangers friendly and uplifting. I do not want to be that crone!

[Bill Hunt]

Hm-m-m, sounds like some of the comments, aimed at me. I smile, and then ignore them, as they prattle on. Some folk feel compelled to change all choices of others, whether it is food choices, or other.

In all cities, where I have spent much time, I am confronted by "others," in San Francisco, more than any other city. Some people are inclined to try and convince anyone, who will listen, that they are doing bad things, and should "change their ways." I do not change easily, so I just smile...

Hunt

[KrumTx]

Could have been any of the above, but on the chance that he's just a giant fruit loop, put your head down and move on! Easier said than done, though. Glad he walked away first!

[binky1]

some people are also so dry in their humor that they miss the mark. Whatever the case, this was about his need to say it, and it was your turn.

[Custardly]

Guilty. Fortunately my smile more than makes up for it.

[Quine]

One could think kindly and just pass it off as a person who had some issue that compelled him to speak . You know, something like having no social filters.

[PotatoHouse]

What you are describing is a form of Autism called Aspberger's Syndrome. It may not have been the man's fault.

[Bill Hunt]

OTOH, that person could have been part of the "food police," and thinking that they are doing their duty, to change the tastes, purchases, of others. Some feel so obliged.

Hunt

[Quine]

PotatoHouse, I am not Doctor, so I do not offer a diagnosis, nor is this the place for them. There are other conditions and personality traits, that can be responsible.
All I am suggesting is that perhaps having a kinder viewpoint other than "creepy" or weird.

[PotatoHouse]

Quine, read again. I never ONCE said "creepy" or "weird". So far, I am one of two who have offered a possible explanation that did NOT say or infer "creepy" or "weird". Aspberger's is a clinically diagnosed condition not a metaphor for "creepy" or "weird".

[khuzdul]

I think that this is a product of inability to have a robust conversation via boards. To me, you both are coming from the same direction, just slightly different tracts...

[Custardly]

khuzdul: Perhaps they both unknowingly suffer from Asperger's Board Syndrome? It's a common affliction on internet forums.

[Lamanda]

I think if you are going to diagnose people you've never met over the internet you should, at the very least, try to spell your diagnosis right.

[Querencia]

Actually, he missed the diagnosis too. He seems to be thinking of Tourette's Disorder. Folks with Asperger's are more likely to be socially withdrawn. But who's counting?

My favorite unsolicited grocery store comment was made by a woman in London who picked up a roast from Safeway's butcher counter, looked at the price, and said, " 'e want four pound for this, do 'e? Well, 'e can stick it up 'is
'ole, 'e can." This was in 1976; allow for inflation.

[Quine]

Wow, Guess you totally missed the point. Have a wonderful day!

[dmjordan]

Could you explain the point that you were making? (Seriously. I'm not being bitchy.) I seem to have missed it as well.

[Quine]

For various reasons and various medical issues, some people lack social "filters". So, they just, outright say what sometimes we think, but do not say out loud. Asperger's syndrome is just one. It is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction. But others apply as well. And there are just straight out self-appointed food/anything "police" who do exist.
My point was just to offer up, a reason that that indicated it may have not have been a "mean/stalker" issue, but someone who, for other reasons, felt compelled to express what the OP experienced.
Sure, the he may have be a whack-a-doddle, a food police ( I've interacted with those) or, perhaps someone with not so great social skills who was trying, what he thought was a compliment.
My response to PotatoHouse, was merely a comment, that reflected the whole of the posted replies to the OP. PotatoHouse chose to take it as a personal response. And so it goes. Again, I am not a Doctor, I am not making a diagnosis, I use spell check, know it is called Asperger disorder, as a past Bboyfriend has it, and I understand, it is not something that is mean-spirited, Rather it is just not a "filter" they have. Have I helped?

[ursy_ten]

Thank you both to Quine and PotatoHouse. I have Asperger's syndrome and am thankful for the good intentions behind your posts.

[dmjordan]

Sorry you had to do all of that typing. I am aware of everything you wrote in the first two paragraphs. I was confused that you were responding to Potato House with that comment. I guess I took it the same way he/she did. That's why I wasn't sure what point you were making.

[taos]

Or he was just being a jerk. Or he was trying to make a comment on your current thinness and the idea that you would lose that if you ate cookies. Or he is really averse to people eating sweets.

Sometimes people just act in socially-unacceptable ways. It does not mean they have some "syndrome" and can't help it.

[Tripeler]

Grace (the OP),

Or, he was trying to pick you up, but was so inept socially that all he could do was make an issue about your potential weight gain, in his imagination. Overall, I agree with Harters take on the situation, which is posted far below.

[Bill Hunt]

"Socially inept," came to my mind too. However, we may never know the full details, unless they "catch the perv... " Sorry - could not resist.

Hunt

[rohirette]

Thank you, Taos.

I have had quite enough of this environment where the injured party is admonished for not spending time scouring the web for possible PC explanations of the offender's conduct.

[vegiefudie]

If you don't know what you are talking about, you might as well keep quiet. As a father of a boy with Autism (and many of his friends being Aspie), thats not how their social interaction skills work.

[rccola]

I have to say you are right. As the wife of a man with Asperger's (neuro-psychological testing, not just a wife bitching) but greatly improving with working on skills, he'd never have said that directly to a stranger. He would have said something about her choices/volume to me, though without regard to the stranger hearing him.

[ursy_ten]

It's a huge spectrum with great variety, and we have to learn these things over time. I might not say such a thing now because I've learned better, but in my younger years, it's entirely possible I could have.

These things, in hindsight, were like "well, Duh" moments - but the intention was never bad. It all just comes out wrong.

I also know a lot of Aspies who are more severe than me, and who might never learn from these mistakes. I also know Aspies who know not to say these things too - like my daughter. But is this because she was diagnosed very young and we helped her with social awareness? There are a lot of undiagnosed people out there who have no idea.

Either way, I appreciate those who are trying to point out that "assholery" might not have been the motive.

[rccola]

And my husband is living proof that, no matter what the age, someone can improve. He's even learned to modulate his voice so, if he says something like that to me, the victim of his attention can't hear.

But leave open the concept that this guy may have been an asshole who has no desire to improve. Perhaps a new psychiatric diagnostic classification should be made: Asshole--recalcitrant. .

[ursy_ten]

Of course :)

My main point is that nearly everyone's first reaction is always "asshole", and this is not always the case, and it's nice for people to be aware of that.

[Custardly]

So you made him get tested rather than admitting you're a preachy wife? Of course I'm just kidding, it was just funny reading how you qualified your statement.

Over the last few years it seems like Asperger's became the popular reason for others differing behavior. While it's great for awareness, it's sad that many have a misunderstanding of what it really is, especially when trying to label others.

Thank you for sharing. Becoming more aware of things like this helps me to be less judgemental.

[rccola]

good

[tcamp]

That is what I would do. I admit I have offered unsoliciited advice but usually of a positive nature - "oh, you'll enjoy that XYZ, it is really good" type of stuff.

Life is too short to waste psychic energy on random musings of strangers.

[linguafood]

W. T. F. is really all I can say.

WTFF?

[pinehurst]

I agree with monavano: creepy. If you're inclined to creative writing, you have an intriguing beginning to a novel, maybe a thriller?--inspired by real life.

[monavano]

Be very glad the weirdo said his piece and walked away. There's nothing to say to someone as strange as that and better to walk away. Seriously, that behavior is very odd and who knows if he would have escalated.

[hambone]

I have the advantage of being over six feet tall and not looking like the big teddy-bear I am. I find myself saying to people more and more often now, "Didn't your mother teach you you shouldn't talk to strangers."