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Two people ordering the same dish; ok?

musugu Sep 7, 2012 07:51 AM

My husband is not ok with us both ordering the same thing at a restaurant even if that's what we both want... I think this might be a cultural thing. Does anyone feel the same and if so, can you help me explain why.

Many Thanks!

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  1. ipsedixit RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 07:57 AM

    I think this is perfectly fine.

    In fact, when you do a tasting menu, this is taken to the nth degree.

    1. l
      LeoLioness RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 07:58 AM

      I would hope he's the one who changes his order if he feels this way!

      1. Jpan99 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:00 AM

        Very silly. The only reason I could think not too is if you want to try more things from the menu. Maybe your husband is hoping you'll get something different so he can have his AND yours!

        1. f
          FrankJBN RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:02 AM

          "I think this might be a cultural thing"

          What culture?`

          6 Replies
          1. re: FrankJBN
            musugu RE: FrankJBN Sep 7, 2012 08:05 AM

            Family culture. He seems to have picked up somewhere that that it's just "not done" or embarrassing somehow. I don't quite understand it but he gets very uncomfortable. I want to be supportive and understanding but sometimes don't want to share.

            1. re: musugu
              rasputina RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 12:57 PM

              ohhhh he wants you to share so he wants you to get something different. We do this sometimes but only when we both are in agreement. Either of us has been known to say, I really want it all so if you want some order your own dish. And that is fine too.

              1. re: musugu
                Bill Hunt RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 09:12 PM

                Interesting. In my family, a bit of familial sharing was OK, but plates were usually not passed. Soup was an obvious exception.


                1. re: Bill Hunt
                  Peg RE: Bill Hunt Sep 19, 2012 12:38 AM

                  Does one pass the soup to the left or the right?

                  1. re: Peg
                    ricepad RE: Peg Sep 19, 2012 12:02 PM

                    Neither. Away from one's self.

                    1. re: Peg
                      Bill Hunt RE: Peg Sep 19, 2012 05:59 PM

                      Well, I would suppose that this would depend on which side of the one, who ordered the soup, was sitting.


              2. c
                Chi_Guy RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:07 AM

                While I don't have strong feelings about it, my wife and I usually make a conscious effort to order different things from each other at restaurants. Mainly for the sake of variety since we share plates. I think it's especially wise not to get the same thing when you're ordering something you both haven't tried before.

                4 Replies
                1. re: Chi_Guy
                  LaLa RE: Chi_Guy Sep 7, 2012 08:51 AM

                  I dont really have any stromg feeling about it either, but now thinking about it I can only recall one time we ordered the same thing and even then we ordered it prepared a different way. We are sharers though.

                  1. re: LaLa
                    Sooeygun RE: LaLa Sep 7, 2012 09:26 AM

                    Mr S and I tend to order different things and share bites (or not share if he orders lamb or I order liver). There are rare occasions we both want the same thing, so that's what we order. No rules or customs or etiquette involved.

                    When I go out with my work team for lunch (about 12 of us), I can usually tell what one item on the menu most people will order...usually a pasta/chicken combo. Usually at least half the team will order the same thing.

                    1. re: Sooeygun
                      Bill Hunt RE: Sooeygun Sep 17, 2012 09:19 PM

                      I'm very cool with that. You get the liver, and I get the lamb - nothing ba-a-ad about that, as long as one wine can work with both courses, or we can have other wines somewhere along the line.


                  2. re: Chi_Guy
                    Bill Hunt RE: Chi_Guy Sep 17, 2012 09:17 PM

                    Sounds like my family. We also will chose dishes, based on the wines, that we wish to drink, but nothing is set in stone. As we have slightly different tastes, it has proven fairly easy for us, and there are few meals, regardless of the number of courses, where we DO order the same things. When we do, that is fine too. No big deal. I just try to pick a wine for THAT course.


                  3. b
                    beevod RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:10 AM

                    Do you both use the same brand of toothpaste?

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: beevod
                      Bill Hunt RE: beevod Sep 17, 2012 09:21 PM

                      In our case - NO, but that is almost as personal as the choice of dishes in a restaurant.

                      Wife does some eggplant dish, and I order the scallops. She cannot do bi-valves, and I have had but a few eggplant dishes, that I would want to revisit. Life is good, but I WILL share my toothpaste in the Red Carpet Club, if she runs out...


                    2. Veggo RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:31 AM

                      You order first.

                      3 Replies
                      1. re: Veggo
                        escondido123 RE: Veggo Sep 7, 2012 09:45 AM

                        Absolutely perfect!

                        1. re: Veggo
                          Karl S RE: Veggo Sep 7, 2012 11:15 AM


                          1. re: Veggo
                            Bill Hunt RE: Veggo Sep 17, 2012 09:19 PM

                            Now we normally huddle first, and make those difficult choices. Sometimes, we ARE the last couple to order, as the huddles can take some time.


                          2. iluvcookies RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:32 AM

                            If I'm at a new place and want to try stuff, it's fun if everyone orders something different. But I think a person should order what he or she wants, even if everyone at the table gets the same thing.

                            1. s
                              small h RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:36 AM

                              I feel the way your husband does, which is not to say I think he & I are right. It's because I'd like to sample, or at least look at, a different plate of food than the one in front of me. It doesn't embarrass me if someone orders what I order; it annoys me. (Again, not saying this is right. Just true.)

                              1. m
                                MonMauler RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:51 AM

                                I generally try to order something different from those I'm with so that I can get a taste of different dishes. On the other hand, my friends and I regularly go out Friday evenings, and we each order exactly the same thing, but that's more of an exception.

                                It really doesn't bother me if the person/s I'm dining with order the same thing as me, but I try to avoid it.

                                1. t
                                  travelmad478 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 09:32 AM

                                  For me, it completely depends on the person I'm dining with and whether that person is a "sharer" or not. I am, and when eating out with certain people, we routinely strategize on ordering so that we can swap plates entirely, mid-course. But if my dining companion just isn't that kind of person, and many aren't, then I have no problem getting the same thing.

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: travelmad478
                                    Crockett67 RE: travelmad478 Sep 19, 2012 05:04 AM

                                    Same with me. Usually my SO or my twin like to share, but we have ordered the same thing before without fan fare.

                                  2. m
                                    musugu RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 09:47 AM

                                    Hi Everyone. Thanks for the insight. To clarify: just because he doesn't like it doesn't mean it never happens, I just wanted to do a reality check. He's uncomfortable ordering the same thing I think because he thinks it's weird or embarrassing to order two of the same from the server. I don't get it but I also understand that what a person finds to be odd or embarrassing is usually based on what you were taught is the norm and clearly we weren't raised by the same family.

                                    Again, thank you for the group reality check and I am genuinely interested if anyone else feels the same way that he does just to get more insight. He's unfortunately unable to articulate past "it's weird".

                                    15 Replies
                                    1. re: musugu
                                      ipsedixit RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 09:51 AM

                                      I am seriously curious. Do you guys ever do tasting menus? What are his thoughts then?

                                      1. re: ipsedixit
                                        musugu RE: ipsedixit Sep 7, 2012 10:04 AM

                                        We do tasting menus.... most recently we did Vetri in Philadelphia for a special occasion. With tasting menus it's set up that way so he's comfortable that we're not breaking the unwritten social rule. And actually, I do remember that at Vetri they never gave us exactly the same item because the assumption is that we would share.

                                        1. re: musugu
                                          Bill Hunt RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 09:24 PM

                                          Even with Tasting Menus, we often end up with a few different dishes. I contact the restaurant beforehand, and point out that my wife cannot do bi-valves, so I might get the scallops, or oysters, and she might get something else. Even when we do the sommelier's wine pairings, they accommodate the two of us. Now, she can do a taste of a scallop, or an oyster, but not much. I get a bigger taste, than she does, in those instances. We do share the wines.


                                      2. re: musugu
                                        ChillyDog RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 11:03 AM

                                        It would be nice to hear from some servers about this.

                                        I was one in another lifetime. I really would not care what you order. Actually if both plates are the same, it's more convenient.

                                        1. re: ChillyDog
                                          Karl S RE: ChillyDog Sep 7, 2012 11:16 AM

                                          " Actually if both plates are the same, it's more convenient."

                                          Indeed it is much more convenient for a table to have as much in common as possible. It's way easier on the kitchen, and therefore easier on the servers.

                                          1. re: ChillyDog
                                            rasputina RE: ChillyDog Sep 7, 2012 01:01 PM

                                            I used to be a server and it never even crossed my mind, I just took the orders and served them.

                                            1. re: ChillyDog
                                              upsidedownorchid RE: ChillyDog Sep 17, 2012 06:34 PM

                                              As a server, I always find it hilarious when people are reluctant to order the same meal. I have heard so many people say something like " I want the lamb meatball spaghetti, but that's what John's having". Some people literally ask my permission! I always say that you should order what you really want to eat!

                                            2. re: musugu
                                              jessicheese RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 04:01 AM

                                              My husband is the same way, unless its at a place that specializes in something specific. I'll usually ask him if its ok before I order just to be nice. Similarly, he will usually order in the same style as me so if I am getting an entree he won't get a sandwich or vice versa. I figure that I have my fair share of quirks- he can have this one.

                                              1. re: musugu
                                                taos RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 03:01 PM

                                                I think this is more about your husband's peculiar issues than any convention in the restaurant industry.

                                                1. re: musugu
                                                  happybaker RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 03:38 PM

                                                  My husband and I often order different things so we can taste the others dishes, but every now and then we do order the same thing. He got embarrassed a bit about it once (I don't know why) and when the waitress came for our order and we both ordered the same thing I simply said "It's just so good!" She smiled, agreed deeply and that was that. He never felt self conscious after that!

                                                  Heck, many restaurants make their reputations on a single dish, so I think it happens way more often than not that folks order the same thing - it's what they've come for. I guess we all just don't talk about it much : )

                                                  1. re: musugu
                                                    soypower RE: musugu Sep 15, 2012 09:03 AM

                                                    My boyfriend and I often share bites, but we don't like to order the same thing because we're quite immature and don't want to be seen as 'copying' each other. I should probably edit that to say 'extremely immature'. But we do laugh about it. If your husband doesn't want to be specific about what about it makes him feel weird, he could possibly just be embarrassed about being immature.

                                                    I usually 'win' though, because I'm the lady and I always get to order first. :o)

                                                    1. re: soypower
                                                      huiray RE: soypower Sep 15, 2012 09:17 AM

                                                      Wouldn't that be sexist? ;-)

                                                      1. re: huiray
                                                        soypower RE: huiray Sep 15, 2012 09:21 AM

                                                        All's fair in love and culinary warfare..

                                                      2. re: soypower
                                                        Bill Hunt RE: soypower Sep 17, 2012 09:31 PM

                                                        I have never thought about "copying," but do like to have different "tastes," where applicable.

                                                        Guess that I had not thought it through enough.


                                                        1. re: Bill Hunt
                                                          soypower RE: Bill Hunt Sep 17, 2012 09:39 PM

                                                          I hardly think you have an issue with not thinking it through enough. It's probably the mere fact that you have actually entered adulthood. We're still waiting to get there. :o)

                                                    2. sbp RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 10:17 AM

                                                      While it doesn't bother me, I understand the psychology of it. Assuming he comes from an "adventurous" family when it comes to eating, there is probably a presumption that everyone will share each others' dishes, so that the family gets to taste everything. He probably views ordering the same dish as passive-aggressive anti-social; you're saying "I want this all to myself, and since you're having the same thing, you can't share mine."

                                                      10 Replies
                                                      1. re: sbp
                                                        Karl S RE: sbp Sep 7, 2012 11:17 AM

                                                        " you're saying "I want this all to myself, and since you're having the same thing, you can't share mine.""

                                                        Deftly directing the reversed tines of a fork into the trespassing hand is far more effective, of course.

                                                        1. re: Karl S
                                                          bagelman01 RE: Karl S Sep 8, 2012 03:55 AM

                                                          I wasn't going to comment on this thread, as wife and I often order the same dish in a restaurant, BUT>>>>
                                                          "Deftly directing the reversed tines of a fork into the trespassing hand is far more effective, of course"
                                                          My 66 year old brother has 4 feint marks on his right wrist from when he attempted to take a piece of crisp turkey skin from my plate, Thanksgiving dinner 1963. He has never reached for sonething on someone else's plate since.

                                                          1. re: bagelman01
                                                            Karl S RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 09:27 AM

                                                            Well, another way for him to remember the assassination and funeral of JFK to his grandchildren. Wonderful. He would not gotten away with that at our table at the time, either (though I was only just shy of 3 years old, I had 4 older sibs, and one yet to come; he came the day after the eldest graduated high school in '68).

                                                            1. re: bagelman01
                                                              mucho gordo RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 10:57 AM

                                                              Really??? I can't believe you would do something like that. I guess food brings out the beast in you.

                                                              1. re: mucho gordo
                                                                bagelman01 RE: mucho gordo Sep 8, 2012 02:15 PM

                                                                He was warned twice by me and my father told him that if he ever put his fork.hand into some one else's plate again it would be the last time. As far as I know it was........

                                                                1. re: bagelman01
                                                                  mucho gordo RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 02:43 PM

                                                                  I admire your willingness to protect your food at all costs. Lesson learned.

                                                                  1. re: mucho gordo
                                                                    bagelman01 RE: mucho gordo Sep 15, 2012 01:45 PM

                                                                    I am very territorial. Tomorrow night we're having the family for the holiday dinner.
                                                                    One roast turkey breast, 6 extra necks, 12 extra wings....no one likes dark meat.
                                                                    Doing it this way avoids disputes and grabbing.

                                                                    1. re: bagelman01
                                                                      ricepad RE: bagelman01 Sep 15, 2012 09:56 PM

                                                                      Is that a traditional Mexican Independence Day dinner?? "Let's eat the Mutant Turkey!"?

                                                                2. re: mucho gordo
                                                                  budlit RE: mucho gordo Sep 12, 2012 06:17 PM

                                                                  I was preparing a family meal and a guest jumped in to "help". But she was so sloppy and all over my cutting board with her sloppy ways, that I instinctively stabbed her in the hand...oops

                                                            2. re: sbp
                                                              rasputina RE: sbp Sep 7, 2012 01:02 PM

                                                              And that is what I say sometimes LOL. No passive aggressive about it. I'll call it out boldly.

                                                            3. c
                                                              ChillyDog RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 10:55 AM

                                                              Please assure him there is no unwritten social rule. HIS believing there is the only thing that is weird here.

                                                              I'm gonna order whatever I want and keep your paws off, please, unless invited.

                                                              3 Replies
                                                              1. re: ChillyDog
                                                                Leonardo RE: ChillyDog Sep 7, 2012 11:17 AM

                                                                My mom expects us all to negotiate dessert so we all order something different in order to share. I refuse to take part and don't reveal until I actually order. My mom can't stand that. She says "What if we all end up getting the same thing?" My reply: "Then I guess we'll all have gotten what we really wanted!"

                                                                1. re: Leonardo
                                                                  Bill Hunt RE: Leonardo Sep 17, 2012 09:45 PM

                                                                  For dessert, my wife normally does a sweet, and I a cheese course. She normally gets more cheese, as I usually only take on fork/spoon for her sweet.


                                                                2. re: ChillyDog
                                                                  lifeasbinge RE: ChillyDog Sep 12, 2012 06:03 PM

                                                                  thank you!

                                                                3. iL Divo RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 11:13 AM

                                                                  we rarely even think of ordering the same thing. our tastes are very different. he'll see a pork roast with brandy apples on the side on the menu at (for instance a Railway City Restaurant in the heart of our local mountains) whereas I feel inclined to order a flat iron steak burrito with rice and beans.

                                                                  there have been maybe 2 times in our lifetime that we've both decided on the same thing. reason for that is nothing else on menu really appealed to us. that's fine too.

                                                                  we have no steadfast rules when ordering. anything goes.
                                                                  when we go to a diner he'll order classic cheeseburger with a side salad , come and coffee.
                                                                  I always order a patty melt with fries and iced tea.
                                                                  he always feeds me his salad and he always takes fries from my plate.
                                                                  and I wouldn't have it any other way.

                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                  1. re: iL Divo
                                                                    Bill Hunt RE: iL Divo Sep 17, 2012 09:46 PM

                                                                    Kind of sounds like us. Wife will nearly always do fish, where I will go more to red meat. However, and in the recent past, we have both gone for the same red meat. No biggie, as she goes more toward medium, and I am more medium rare, to rare, depending on the chef. Stuff happens.

                                                                    We do like to taste each others dishes, and sometimes that works out great, but when the menu does not accommodate, it is not a problem, and we just smile at each other.


                                                                  2. b
                                                                    baseballfan RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 11:23 AM

                                                                    I order exactly what I want and if someone else gets the same thing, I just assume that that is what they wanted as well. Of course, I am disinclined to share at all. Order what you want and leave mine alone. I am always privately horrified when people switch plates part way through the meal. I understand wanting to try a bit of everything but for some reason, I just find the plate switching gross.

                                                                    I also don't like to be told what to do, so that might make me revert to an obstinate child with unpleasant results.

                                                                    1. b
                                                                      Bkeats RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 11:33 AM

                                                                      I think your husband is at the far end of the spectrum on this if he thinks its wrong to order the same thing. If there are 6 people dining together, would he expect everyone to order something different?What happens with dinners at home? Do you prepare different meals for everyone? Order what you like. I don't mind sharing but if I want to have the same thing as someone else, I will have it.

                                                                      1. m
                                                                        musugu RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 11:58 AM

                                                                        This is all very interesting... I think I've decided/realized based on the focus on sharing that he probably just doesn't like when I (through my actions) say that I don't want to share with him and that he maybe feels it doesn't reflect well on us as a couple that we wouldn't. Now that I think of it, the issue doesn't really come up when other people order the same thing as he does, he just really objects when we both order the same thing. Although he might care and just bite his tongue when it's someone else; ha! the wonders of marriage. It really does bring out the crazy in a person. (myself included)

                                                                        2 Replies
                                                                        1. re: musugu
                                                                          chowser RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 01:40 PM

                                                                          Putting on my Dear Abby hat, I think a bigger issue might be why he's so concerned about what a stranger thinks that he's willing to put your feelings second.

                                                                          1. re: chowser
                                                                            Bill Hunt RE: chowser Sep 17, 2012 09:48 PM

                                                                            Interesting observation.

                                                                            We try to split things up a bit, but never consider what anyone else is thinking. They are never in our considerations - it is very focused - it is about us, and no one else.


                                                                        2. r
                                                                          redfish62 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 12:29 PM

                                                                          I'm going to order what I want to eat regardless of what everyone else at the table orders.

                                                                          1. r
                                                                            rasputina RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 12:53 PM

                                                                            Of course it's ok, since when is what I order dependent on the other diners? Weird.

                                                                            1. monavano RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 01:12 PM

                                                                              First let me say that I don't think there's anything wrong with 2 people or a whole table ordering the same thing.
                                                                              DH has this same hang up. It's just a thing with him and I know it's because he wants to try not only his meal, but a bit of mine too! Many times, it's hard for him to widdle his decision down to just one thing, because just reading all the possibilities on that menu makes him so excited. He's like a kid in a candy store.
                                                                              Since I know he does this, I sometimes concede a dish to him if I know he really, really wants it and I know I'll be happy with another choice. It makes him happy and he shares. We both do.
                                                                              Since it is his hang up, and I really don't care if we order the same dish, he usually is just fine with me taking "our" first choice.
                                                                              Sometimes I screw with DH a bit and hold off on telling him what I'm going to order and watch him squirm when I ask "so, what looks good to you, what are you going to order?".
                                                                              He just can't help himself!

                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                              1. re: monavano
                                                                                happybaker RE: monavano Sep 8, 2012 03:37 PM


                                                                                Ah the sport of marriage! It's a fun one.

                                                                                1. re: monavano
                                                                                  Bill Hunt RE: monavano Sep 17, 2012 09:48 PM

                                                                                  We hosted a table of ten recently, and everyone went with the salmon. We should have gone with the "rubber chicken," but who knew?


                                                                                2. jmcarthur8 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 01:58 PM

                                                                                  When DH and I go out to eat with our two adult sons, the older one will plan with me on two shared dishes, as we each get kind of tastebud-bored pretty easily. Son #2, however, will wait till hubby has chosen his meal, so he doesn't order the same thing. There's some kind of tradition between the two of them not to order the same, and young-son will order last to make sure that doesn't happen. The two of them will negotiate for first choice if it's something one really wants. I think they both are nuts.

                                                                                  4 Replies
                                                                                  1. re: jmcarthur8
                                                                                    Veggo RE: jmcarthur8 Sep 7, 2012 02:09 PM

                                                                                    Some times you feel like a nut, other times you birth them...

                                                                                    1. re: Veggo
                                                                                      jmcarthur8 RE: Veggo Sep 7, 2012 02:10 PM

                                                                                      (insert big laugh here)

                                                                                      1. re: Veggo
                                                                                        mucho gordo RE: Veggo Sep 8, 2012 10:58 AM

                                                                                        Once in a while you get a fruit, also. Still, he's my son and I love him.

                                                                                        1. re: Veggo
                                                                                          Bill Hunt RE: Veggo Sep 17, 2012 09:51 PM

                                                                                          Once, I thought that I was passing a walnut, but that is fodder for another thread, and maybe not here...


                                                                                      2. huiray RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 05:20 PM

                                                                                        As others have commented, he does seem a little odd. I agree with chowsers' comment.

                                                                                        Of course all this is predicated on the meals you are talking about being Western/European-format meals. Why not try dining more in Chinese/E Asian/SE Asian places where the norm would be to order several dishes and share them family-style? :-) Do you eat these cuisines at all? (I wonder since you have said nothing about these)

                                                                                        1. c
                                                                                          christy319 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 05:52 PM

                                                                                          Interesting thread. I know quite a few people that are under the impression that it's not okay to order the same thing. I never got that memo and I am never the one to change my order. I am also not really a sharer, so people aren't changing their order to try different things. There must have been some etiquette advice somewhere, sometime, that advised against ordering the same thing.

                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                          1. re: christy319
                                                                                            Mrs M RE: christy319 Sep 7, 2012 06:12 PM

                                                                                            Went to dinner last night and we both got the same dish. NOT on purpose. Server had 3 specials, husband asked to have the "shrimp one" described again, then ordered it. I said, "I'll have the salmon." Meal was delivered, both the shrimp pasta dish, server said, "Oh, I thought you said "I'll have the SAME". I kept it, it was getting late, and it just seemed the thing to do. Be careful when ordering around a SALMON choice, this also happened to my son, but in reverse.

                                                                                          2. h
                                                                                            Hobbert RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 06:02 PM

                                                                                            Eh. My husband and I have done this on occasion. I personally couldn't care less if someone thinks it's weird. If I was worried about what others thought, it's because I'd lump it in with those annoying couples who sit on the same side of a booth (with no one on the other side) and call each other cloyingly sweet pet names in public.

                                                                                            1. Mutch2Do RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 08:56 PM

                                                                                              I hated it when I would go to a new restaurant with my Ex, we'd look at the menus (usually I'd have researched it ahead of time and discussed what they had to offer with him), he'd allow me to place my order first.....and then tell the Waiter that he'd have the exact same thing based on the fact that for him it was "just food". No variety, no adventure, no desire to learn something new....just open his pie hole and shove it in. Did I mention he's an Ex?

                                                                                              1. e
                                                                                                escondido123 RE: musugu Sep 7, 2012 09:09 PM

                                                                                                If I want a dish I order it and I expect my husband to do the same. Now if there are two dishes we are both considering then we might agree to order one of each and split them. But to say ordering the same is weird or embarrassing, well the person who says that has the problem--maybe a need to control?--not you. Stand up and place your order, after he does.

                                                                                                1. b
                                                                                                  Burghfeeder RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 07:50 AM

                                                                                                  Although my girlfriend and I both eat a wide variety of foods, it's very common that we will both study a menu, and without discussion between us, will order the same thing. At that point, I usually roll my eyes, and change my order...


                                                                                                  1. meatn3 RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 07:55 AM

                                                                                                    Maybe he grew up eating at Shopsin's?

                                                                                                    I was once out with a friend and their family for dinner (we were teens). Everyone ordered the same dish. The Father grumbled all night that we might as well have eaten at home. In his mind the point to dining out was that everyone could order something different.

                                                                                                    4 Replies
                                                                                                    1. re: meatn3
                                                                                                      Veggo RE: meatn3 Sep 8, 2012 08:22 AM

                                                                                                      What if a restaurant is famous for a special dish? Should one of a couple order a greaseburger at Lobsters-R-Us, to comport with some silly imaginary restriction? I would feel moronic eating squab at Durgin-Park while most others feast on roast beef.

                                                                                                      1. re: Veggo
                                                                                                        mucho gordo RE: Veggo Sep 8, 2012 11:00 AM

                                                                                                        Their roast pork, with stuffing, is far superior to the roast beef. Topped of with Indian Pudding .......magnifique.

                                                                                                        1. re: mucho gordo
                                                                                                          Veggo RE: mucho gordo Sep 8, 2012 11:04 AM

                                                                                                          So much for our girlish figures, mucho...!

                                                                                                          1. re: Veggo
                                                                                                            mucho gordo RE: Veggo Sep 8, 2012 11:35 AM


                                                                                                    2. j
                                                                                                      joe777cool RE: musugu Sep 8, 2012 12:56 PM

                                                                                                      I dont understand the uneasyness over ordering the same meal, kinda strange to me.

                                                                                                      I have a different problem. My fiancee "shares" my meal and orders something that I dont like. Now THAT pisses me off! Now I just threaten to order veal (I love, she won't touch) and she gets the hint.

                                                                                                      10 Replies
                                                                                                      1. re: joe777cool
                                                                                                        mucho gordo RE: joe777cool Sep 8, 2012 01:10 PM

                                                                                                        It's a control tactic, joe.

                                                                                                        1. re: mucho gordo
                                                                                                          bagelman01 RE: mucho gordo Sep 8, 2012 02:16 PM

                                                                                                          as my mother told my bride to be years ago:

                                                                                                          What's his is yours, what's yours is yours

                                                                                                          1. re: bagelman01
                                                                                                            huiray RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 02:19 PM

                                                                                                            Really? WOW.

                                                                                                            I *hope* joe777cool orders whatever his fiancée hates every time they eat out from now on.

                                                                                                            1. re: huiray
                                                                                                              bagelman01 RE: huiray Sep 8, 2012 02:35 PM

                                                                                                              My wife doesn't eat, veal or lamb; my two favorite things to order <VBG>

                                                                                                              1. re: bagelman01
                                                                                                                huiray RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 02:37 PM

                                                                                                                Good fer ya. But then there's still the veggies/starch or sides...

                                                                                                                1. re: huiray
                                                                                                                  bagelman01 RE: huiray Sep 8, 2012 03:13 PM

                                                                                                                  I always choose rice if offered, then pasta, then potato. Wife the opposite.
                                                                                                                  We tend to order the same veg.

                                                                                                            2. re: bagelman01
                                                                                                              mucho gordo RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 02:47 PM

                                                                                                              Which wife was that; the first?

                                                                                                              1. re: mucho gordo
                                                                                                                bagelman01 RE: mucho gordo Sep 8, 2012 03:13 PM

                                                                                                                The first wife hated meat not cooked to death, I order mooing, so she never touched the meat on my plate.
                                                                                                                2nd wife doesn't eat veal or lamb, and could easily be a vegetarian.

                                                                                                                1. re: bagelman01
                                                                                                                  huiray RE: bagelman01 Sep 8, 2012 03:28 PM

                                                                                                                  Heh. HEH.

                                                                                                          2. re: joe777cool
                                                                                                            soypower RE: joe777cool Sep 15, 2012 09:21 AM

                                                                                                            I remember going out to breakfast with my cousin and her husband one morning and thinking how gallant he was when my cousin couldn't decide what she wanted most. She ordered one dish, but then changed her mind to the other dish. He told the server not to change her order, but his (he had ordered a completely different dish). Very sweet.

                                                                                                          3. PotatoHouse RE: musugu Sep 15, 2012 08:29 AM

                                                                                                            My wife and I order what we wish, even if it is the same thing. Sometimes if we are in a new restaurant, we will decide to order two different dishes just so we can try more than one menu item, but it's not mandatory.

                                                                                                            1. jonoropeza RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 05:50 PM

                                                                                                              "Does anyone feel the same" - Sorta. Maybe not dogmatically, but my SO and I rarely order the same thing.

                                                                                                              We like to share across plates quite a bit, so we often reach some sort of agreement on what we're going to order together. Usually works like this: I choose two dishes that I might order. I let her go first, then if she picks one of my choices, I'll order the other one.

                                                                                                              Why do we do this? Why try just one dish when you can taste two! Life is short, only so many meals, and a lot of times we like to 'steal' dishes from restaurant menus to recreate at home. 'Research'. Ordering two different items in a course doubles the haul. ;)

                                                                                                              HTH -

                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                              1. re: jonoropeza
                                                                                                                musugu RE: jonoropeza Sep 17, 2012 06:05 PM

                                                                                                                OP here. We usually do the same; where we order together kind of a a mutual top 2 tasty sounding dishes. It's just sometimes, in a particular mood, I just want to house the whole dish of nachos by myself and not feel possessive of that chip with a lot of cheese off in the corner of the dish. It's not the best version of me but it does happen.

                                                                                                                1. re: musugu
                                                                                                                  jonoropeza RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 08:55 PM

                                                                                                                  Ha! Maybe time to renegotiate the sharing rules? We try only to give, not to take from each others plates. Ok, *she* only gives. I try to keep to the rules, but sometimes I'm a pig and reach across and steal something from her plate. Lucky for both of us, she's forgiving... and very good about just ordering two orders of nachos if she senses I'm going to eat 3/4 of the order if we only do one.

                                                                                                                  Good luck!

                                                                                                                2. re: jonoropeza
                                                                                                                  escondido123 RE: jonoropeza Sep 17, 2012 08:48 PM

                                                                                                                  That makes sense if you eat out at many different places. We go to just a few and one makes a great duck confit appetizer--we both want it so we always both order it.

                                                                                                                3. Midlife RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 09:09 PM

                                                                                                                  Board posts don;t usually explore all the possible angles of an issue, so it's difficult to be too judgmental, but "breaking the unwritten social rule" is a tough position to understand. I've certainly never heard of any such rule.

                                                                                                                  Is ordering the same thing supposed to say something negative about you? Maybe that you're dull and boring; that you don't have the imagination to be different? Huh? Why is it any more complex than that you each order what you would like to eat?

                                                                                                                  Sorry. I don't know that this is necessarily anything to be really upset about, but it is most certainly odd. I'd really love to know where he got this notion. "It's weird" isn't really giving you much respect I'm afraid.

                                                                                                                  1. Bill Hunt RE: musugu Sep 17, 2012 09:15 PM

                                                                                                                    We normally will find alternates on the menu, and will not order the same thing. However, there have been several times, where we have, other than Chef's Tasting Menus.

                                                                                                                    Normally, we alternate, and then share, so that each gets to taste the other's choices.


                                                                                                                    1. c
                                                                                                                      cresyd RE: musugu Sep 18, 2012 07:27 AM

                                                                                                                      In general, I am the same with your husband.....down to feeling like there's a "norm" being broken. That being said, I also feel that it's ridiculous.

                                                                                                                      However, that being said - I will be more proactive to change my order to something different if it's a restaurant I've never been to or a restaurant that's more pricey and the chance of me being able to go again and try other dishes is less likely. In those cases, I feel it'd be a shame for the whole table to only have "one" experience of the food there. I feel this most strongly when I'm with a boyfriend or my family where I'm more open about sharing dishes. Where I go completely against the "order differently" idea, is if it's a restaurant where I go regularly. And especially a place where one or two dishes are clearly just the "best" orders on the menu.

                                                                                                                      6 Replies
                                                                                                                      1. re: cresyd
                                                                                                                        Bill Hunt RE: cresyd Sep 18, 2012 06:36 PM

                                                                                                                        I have reflected a bit on this thread, and do feel that my wife might be more inclined to NOT order what she wants, if I have expressed an interest in the same. We do discuss things, but I am usually the one to make other options (to share tastes), and always want to go with her 1st choice, but sometimes I have detected a hesitancy, on her part, to do so. Hm-m-m. Maybe I need to pay closer attention?


                                                                                                                        1. re: Bill Hunt
                                                                                                                          jmcarthur8 RE: Bill Hunt Sep 18, 2012 08:40 PM

                                                                                                                          Please tell Mrs. Hunt that she has a keeper. :-)

                                                                                                                          1. re: jmcarthur8
                                                                                                                            Bill Hunt RE: jmcarthur8 Sep 19, 2012 06:01 PM

                                                                                                                            I agree!


                                                                                                                          2. re: Bill Hunt
                                                                                                                            cresyd RE: Bill Hunt Sep 18, 2012 11:51 PM

                                                                                                                            In my personal case, I would also say that there's a bit my own individual weirdness going on. There's a very pricey restaurant near where my parents live that they go to 2-3 times a year for celebrations. As I live far away, my ability to join such meals has dropped to around once every 2-3 years. I have eaten there a number of times, and my favorite appetizer there is a salad they do. However, I always feel compeled to try another starter because it's such a pricey place with such good food that I feel like I'm missing out if I just order that salad. And then I always lust after the plate of the person who ordered the salad.

                                                                                                                            So I do admit that in the search for variety/new experiences I am prone to shoot myself in the foot.

                                                                                                                            1. re: cresyd
                                                                                                                              jmcarthur8 RE: cresyd Sep 19, 2012 03:02 AM

                                                                                                                              Like you, I generally order something different each visit to any one restaurant. Except for a local cafe that we go to maybe two or three times a year. Their 'Jellyfish' sandwich is so good I order it every time I go, even though so many other items on the menu are equally as delicious.
                                                                                                                              I don't know which is worse- missing out on a new taste, or missing out on one you really love!

                                                                                                                            2. re: Bill Hunt
                                                                                                                              Karl S RE: Bill Hunt Sep 19, 2012 05:00 AM

                                                                                                                              Or just let her decide first without input about what you want. Very simple.

                                                                                                                          3. boyzoma RE: musugu Sep 19, 2012 04:37 PM

                                                                                                                            DH and I have a different problem. He always wants to taste mine even if he orders the same thing (guess he thinks mine is made different????). He will also want to sample mine even though he KNOWS I don't like what he ordered so I wouldn't want a taste anyway. Over the years, I just got used to it. However, the one thing I can order that he WON'T taste is cream brule - I love that stuff (oh, and flan too).

                                                                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                                                                            1. re: boyzoma
                                                                                                                              Bill Hunt RE: boyzoma Sep 19, 2012 06:05 PM

                                                                                                                              Sounds like my two Bulldogs. Each is totally convinced that the other's food is the better. OK, maybe don't mention that... [Grin]


                                                                                                                              1. re: Bill Hunt
                                                                                                                                boyzoma RE: Bill Hunt Sep 20, 2012 02:29 AM

                                                                                                                                You always give the best replies! Love it. And, you are so totally right.!!!!!!!

                                                                                                                            2. s
                                                                                                                              staughton RE: musugu Sep 19, 2012 05:03 PM

                                                                                                                              People should be able to order what they want, of course, but I like some variety on the table in a restaurant and I must plead guilty to your husband's crime. I think we go about it this way because sometimes one person's dish is much better than the other person's, and if you both get something that is not great, well, you get the idea... I rarely want a whole steak or an entire order of something like pasta, so this mandatory sharing takes care of that problem as well.

                                                                                                                              1. l
                                                                                                                                lifeasbinge RE: musugu Sep 19, 2012 06:17 PM

                                                                                                                                I guess what's obvious to me at this point is that this is your husband's issue and honestly, you should order what you want.

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