Offering wine to friends?
I really enjoy wine with meals or while relaxing in the evening, but my husband doesn't drink and because we live in the "Bible Belt", indulging in a drink isn't as commonplace as it is in some other areas.
What is the best way to offer friends/new acquaintences a drink in my home or order drinks in a restaurant when I don't know if they drink or not?
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I grew up in the bible belt and spent a fair amount of time in church on Sundays at your typical southern baptist churches. If you have alcohol on your home, they would look at you as a sinner that needed to be saved. So while they may not take offense, watch out where the conversation goes as they may ask if you have taken JC as your personal savior. Now that I'm apostate, I offer plenty of wine and booze and don't spend much time with those who view me as a sinner because I choose to have a drink. I find this view of alcohol indicates a closed mindedness that is tiresome for me.
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You need to find yourself some hypocritical Methodists (like me--I rarely say no to a glass or two), Catholics, or Episcopalians.
But if you don't know your guests very well, do what we do and say, "What can I get you to drink? We have Coke, Sprite, fizzy water, wine and beer." Then let them pick. To cut down on awkwardness and maybe causing an alcoholic to go off the wagon, I don't drink alcohol unless my guests are. To make up for this sad deficit, I usually have an extra piece of cake.
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Wow, I've never encountered this at all. Crazy stories on this thread. Interesting.
For my part, I always have water, coffee, diet soda, beer, wine and whisky on hand. If I'm expecting guests, though, I'll usually pick up some regular soda, as well as vodka and gin to offer.
It could just be someone just dropping something off first thing in the morning - after inviting them in, I always make the same offer, "Would you like beer, wine, whisky, Diet Coke, coffee, water?" Always start with the alcohol first...
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Wow I have never experienced this!
I tend to say "What can I get you to drink? There's tea, coffee, 7up, gin, wine, beer...." then just trail off. I always make sure we are equally well stocked with soft and hard so there's no pressure on anyone to drink one or the other. Am very much a believer that if you fancy a glass of wine if you're at mine in the afternoon then you should have one, but if it's a Saturday night and you want to stick to cola then that's ok too!
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You need to make friends with the Irish Catholics (like me)......we never turn down a drink or 5 lol!
In all seriousness, just offer them an "aperitief", before or after dinner, I think any offer is the nice thing to do. Also, if you say "may I offer you an aperitief?", even if they say no, you sound proper and unboozy!
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iluvcookies
Aug 22, 2012 07:23 PM
In my home, I offer guests what I have--and 99% of the time that includes wine.
If they don't drink alcohol, they will chose another option.
However, if I know that a person doesn't drink, whatever the reason, I don't offer. But in your case, you don't know. So if they are offended at your offer, then they are the ones being rude.
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danna
Aug 22, 2012 10:17 AM
I think this is a problem of perception for the OP, nothing to do with the Bible Belt. I've lived here all my life and am Southern Baptist, and it would never cross my mind to worry about someone being offended by being offered a drink in my home. They can say "no" if they don't drink.
That said, it is certainly polite to offer another option in case the person is religiously opposed, or dieting, or pregnant, or like my husband just doesn't like the taste of alcohol.
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re: danna
sunshine842
Aug 23, 2012 12:11 AM
It varies greatly from one synod to another.
We lived in a town for a while that was heavily Southern Baptist, and there were regular scandals about people having wine bottles in their trash (usually politicians) and the absolute horror when it was report that the car of a forty-something city councilman was spotted outside the home of his thirty-something girlfriend AFTER 11 PM (both of these folks were single, by the way)...local parents were shunned by the community for having had a dance for their daughter in the basement of their own house. (DANCING...)
I won't name the town....but there are some pretty close-minded people out there.
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re: lbs
sunshine842
Aug 23, 2012 08:58 AM
actually, the dance thing happened just a few months before Footloose came out...we didn't think it was so weird -- we were living it! (never did find a pair of those red boots, though)
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re: sunshine842
danna
Aug 23, 2012 10:34 AM
I had to look up synod. thanks for the new word. i assume you're using that in more expansive way than the actual definition, otherwise I'd say "well, everybody in an area surely doesn't go to the same church".
Anyhow, you don't have to convince me there are people out there who would refuse the drink on religious grounds, I just don't know any that would be *offended* by the offer.
I was once in a restaurant w/ my cousin. We were of age, but just barely. I ordered iced tea and she a beer. Right afterwards, our minister walked in and was seated next to us. My cousin called the waitress over and asked to have her beer order canceled and replaced with tea. I switched mine to beer.
Come to think of it, I amend my statement to say the actual minister of church with a specific no-booze policy might be offended. Sorta like offering the local PETA chairman a burger. :-)
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re: danna
sunshine842
Aug 23, 2012 11:43 AM
there were people in that town who not only would have been offended to have been offered a drink, but would have gotten up and left because they had been sitting in the home of a sinner, and if the Rapture came, they'd be caught right there in that sinner's house.
I cannot make this up.
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re: sunshine842
"I cannot make this up."
I'm sure you're right but I'm sitting here trying to take this all in. One drink and it makes a person not a good person or not bible worthy? Do they look @ the person who's offering the drink as a sinner and therefore is offended by them? If I know, for sure, there is a person entering my home who doesn't drink, for one reason or another, then I would not offer them such. I would never intentionally be rude to anyone I knew had a problem with alcohol. However, am I to assume everyone in the bible belt is a nondrinker?
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re: latindancer
meatn3
Aug 24, 2012 03:45 PM
Not everyone in the bible belt is like this! But those of this ilk are pretty hardcore.
You usually get a hint of it since a major "getting to know you question" is which church do you attend. Not IF you attend mind you.I once had an acquaintance stop by briefly to return a cake pan. She had a friend in tow. The friend took one look at my dinner preparations and saw the bottle of Marsala on the counter and turned around and walked out without a word. I got a chilly reception from some of the townspeople after that.
For what it's worth I've experienced this more frequently in small towns. It probably occurs in larger areas too, but with a wider slice of humanity to even it out I haven't noticed it as much.
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re: meatn3
And these hardcore people really do breed hypocrisy. I remember a Sunday night gathering at my uncle's house in Alabama, at which he served booze. Lots and lots of booze. They hosted this gathering because we were all going to their club for dinner and didn't want to be seen ordering alcohol. My California-native husband and I (long-time New England dweller) cluelessly ordered beers at the club and got lots of eye-rolling. One of my uncles actually winked at friends at a neighboring table and told them we were "yankees." And yet, we'd had no alcohol at the pre-dinner booze fest and they were all hammered.
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re: latindancer
sunshine842
Aug 24, 2012 03:52 PM
Yep...they're the first ones in line, jumping up and down for the chance to cast the first stone.
and meatn3, it's usually phrased "So, where is your church home?"
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re: sunshine842
meatn3
Aug 24, 2012 04:41 PM
I guess I'm running so fast that I miss the nuances! Kidding...you have the phrasing down pat. I'm just glad I'm in an area now where I don't encounter this view point very often.
Now my VSM (very Southern Mother) always taught us that it is best to not discuss religion, politics and sex.
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re: sunshine842
I found this thread a week before my - wow, how did THIS happen - 50th highschool reunion. Small town, lower Midwest. I had gone to the 25th, good turnout. 40th, though, not so much, but I'm thinking, well, it's not a "major" date. Turns out it was because they held it in a private room at a restaurant/motel in the county seat and the restaurant adtually SERVED ALCOHOL, and several people would not attend.
So Saturday night, our reunion will be at the Baptist church's educational building.
I expect a fine turnout. I am not one of those folks who need alcohol to have a good time, but I am thinking I won't be staying 'til the last dog dies. Of course, the dog will probably be on a ventilator by, oh, 8:30 or so.
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re: lemons
sunshine842
Aug 27, 2012 12:29 PM
LOL....yeahhh....it happens, doesn't it?
You might, if you're an organizer type, get a hold of the local Holiday Inn or whatever and see if they could accommodate all of you who are willing to hold a proper wake for that poor dog.
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re: sunshine842
I don't live in the bible belt and I absolutely understand what sunshine84 is talking about.
There are a lot of large conservative Christian churches in my area, not Baptist or other "traditional" mainsream churches, most are independent. My former job put me in daily contact with this community/culture. Saying how they abstained from alcohol and preaching/educating people against their will about the sins of alcohol is often (if not always) front and center of the conversation. Who you were voting for in the next election was next.
Like another poster mentioned, I was raised that is wasn't polite to talk about religion or politics outside of your immediate circle so it was a shock to me when I first encountered it. I learned quickly to redirect the line of questioning.
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meatn3
Aug 22, 2012 08:45 AM
I've lived in the heart of the Bible Belt and have experienced the "horror" expressed by some. The manager of my apartment complex offered me a soft drink when we were signing my lease papers. It was a root beer in a brown bottle. She insisted on covering the bottle with a brown sandwich sized paper bag when I left with the half empty drink - she was worried someone might think we had been drinking! Very strange...
Just offer your guest several beverage options, just as you would if you lived anywhere else. If they are offended that alcohol is offered that is their problem. Personally I look at this as a quick method of self weeding - If they are that rigid and judgmental then they aren't really going to be a good fit in my social world.
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re: Motosport
meatn3
Aug 22, 2012 10:23 AM
I've met people who won't use their open style recycle bins because they don't want their neighbors to see alcohol bottles. My area is switching to covered, larger bins on wheels so perhaps those fearing censure will be able to recycle without fear!
Directions are often given by which church to turn at rather than by street name. My ex's mother was incredibly offended when I acknowledged that I lacked the interest in knowing the name and exact denomination of every church in town. Inadvertently set the tone with that woman which just infuriated and insulted her...
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re: meatn3
sunshine842
Aug 23, 2012 12:05 AM
LOL -- because a brown glass bottle in a brown paper sack NEVER looks like an alcoholic beverage. O.o
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boogiebaby
Aug 20, 2012 01:06 PM
"could I get you something to drink? Iced tea or maybe some red wine?"
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I don't understand why you can't just offer. Would it offend them to be offered a glass of wine?
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re: BethanyRose
linguafood
Aug 20, 2012 09:39 AM
Tough titties for your friends. It's only common courtesy to offer a beverage. I suppose you could simply ask if they would like "something to drink" without specifying whether the devil alcohol is an option.
That way, they're idiotic sensitivities are spared, and you don't have to deal.
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linguafood
Aug 20, 2012 09:11 AM
Well, they can always say "no".
Sorry about where you're living, tho -- that's gotta be tough.
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