Restaurant Service

[Lolaray]

I recently ate at a restaurant and after the last plate arrived I turned into a piece of furniture.I was invisible and left waiting for at least 20 minutes.The owner thinks I'm unreasonable for becoming irate.Is this reasonable?

[ta0126]

it was wrong of them to neglect you. sorry that this happened. it might have been neglect, or it might have been an honest mistake. most likely it was a mistake because a server has only to gain by getting you to order coffees and desserts and after dinner drinks. you certainly have a reason to be angry if you think it was anything else, such as a form of discrimination. sorry that happened to you.

but your question is about the "reasonableness" of your response. did you walk over to the service area or front desk to ask for help? did you notify them of your situation and singlehandedly salvage the dining experience for your group that night? did you explain your expectations to set the tone for future visits? did you take an action that would end the suffering right there? win-win-win! that would be reasonable!

the only thing you give up is the chance to sit and fume about it, mutter to others about how your standards are usually much higher, and allow the suffering to continue, leading to growing anger and an irate discussion. remember, the damage was already done; you were neglected. that's past. if you decided on principle to sit and wait and see how long the indiscretion would continue, you may have taken precisely the right action to maximize that damage.

a "reasonable" reaction is to look for the wins and not the most painful path, even if you are right in principle. i know it's hard to think about when you are in the situation and feeling irate! good luck next time!

[Lolaray]

Thanks for the counciling.I do support what you're saying but unfortunately after a week of salvaging situations I am at my limit.Is a simple meal with the requisite amount of attention too much to expect.

[lcool]

NO
to be "served" isn't unreasonable,from water glass to check in a timely manner
we tip on the thoughtful level of service

Near us was a restaurant with good food,same distance two more just as good.All three with similar menus but very divergent specials.When we were choosing on a given night it was usually decided by the specials and parking.We had poor enough service two visits in a row I was against the third try.Husband has a "nicer" streak than me and said let's try.We know the owner,so at the door DH explains our issues.That evenings visit wasn't a step up to retain a customer.Now back before times were as tight as 2012 it was BUSY four nights,OK covers two nights and closed one night a week,guess the owner was resting on immunity.I didn't work.His store is closed and the two nearby have both opened second locations expanding family businesses into new areas.With I might add well trained floor help and line cooks,service is great.

[kengk]

This is the thing most likely to annoy me at restaurants. After I have eaten the last bite, I want to pay my bill and go outside and have a smoke.

A relatively new thing I have learned is that some places will not give you a check until you ask for it. I was dumbfounded at a very nice French restaurant that had impeccable food and service, except that the waiter didn't bring me the check when we were finished. It finally dawned on me that the guy was not ignoring us or had not forgotten us but was waiting to be asked.

[tastesgoodwhatisit]

For a nice French restaurant, I would not expect to get the bill unless I asked for it, and the same for any type of cuisine that involves a long, lingering meal, with lots of conversation and multiple courses. With good service, it should be easy to ask for it, though, as they will be paying attention to you even if they aren't hovering.

In US restaurants, I find it annoying to be presented with the bill before I've even finished eating, as I'm getting the message that they want me to finish up, damn it, and get out of there so another customer can take the table.

In Taiwan it's very standard to go to the cash to get the bill when you're ready to leave, which really confuses the tourists. They're waiting to get the bill, or to be asked if they want it, when all they need to do is get up and go to the entrance. Mind you, with no tax and no tip, paying at the cash while splitting the bill among multiple people is actually pretty easy.

[babette feasts]

In some countries, it is customary to need to ask for the bill. They would feel like they were rushing you if they brought it without your asking.

[Harters]

Must admit, when we visit America, it always takes a day or so to get used the bill being plonked down on the table without us asking for it or, indeed, while we may still be finishing dessert.

It always seems so rude but then we remember it's just that this is how it's done in that country.

[Bob Martinez]

"... and after the last plate arrived I turned into a piece of furniture.I was invisible and left waiting for at least 20 minutes."

All your food was delivered. What were you waiting for?

[Lolaray]

The bill ,anything.I should have said 20 minutes after being completely finished.

[Bob Martinez]

I'll pass on a bit of advice that I've given occasionally in the past. Yes, you're right - they should have checked in with you. It was a major lapse. At one point I would have sat there and simmered, just like you did.

That said, I suggest you do what I do now when that situation occasionally arises. After 10 minutes I make a point of trying to catch a waiter's eye. *Any* waiter. Not necessarily mine. If I'm successful, I tell them we haven't seen our waiter in awhile. Could they please find them because we'd like our check (or another drink, or dessert, etc.)

If I can't quickly flag down another waiter I walk up to the front of the house person, smile, and mention that our waiter has been missing in action for 15 minutes. I'm not confrontational, I just pass along the message. Invariably I'm given an apology and someone appears at our table within 2 minutes to take care of our needs.

Again, I agree with your core point - the service lapse was egregious. That said, taking the steps I recommend will shift the situation from something that's your problem and makes it *their* problem.

It will also make you feel pretty good - you're not powerless. Try it the next time you find yourself abandoned by a waiter.

[kengk]

Plus, it's too late for them to spit in your food! Just kidding. I've done the same thing on occasion and agree it is effective but still it's annoying to have to do.

[Lolaray]

Exactly.After spending $200.I'm really not in the mood for chasing errant wait staff which in this case was the owner who says I'm a good customer.

[Midlife]

But you're more in the mood to get all upset and make a big thing out of it? No question that the service is bad, but waiting that long and then having something of a mini-stroke would seem to be hurting the wrong party...... you.

[Harters]

I'm with Bob.

If we feel things are not moving quickly enough, we flag down a passing member of staff. "May we order dessert, please". "May we order coffee". "May I have the bill, please". It works and has never failed to produce dessert, coffee or the bill.

[Lolaray]

unfortunately this is a very small resto run by the owner and one wait staff.No one to flag down.

[Harters]

In that case, you're stuffed (assuming that owner or server can't be flagged own). If it was me, I possibly wouldnt be troubling them with my custom again.

[Lolaray]

My feelng precisely.I called the owner hoping to reconcile .No go .Because they were busy it was my fault.And I'm agood customer.Haha.

[thegforceny]

To clarify: he has refused your future business? It got THAT heated?

[Lolaray]

No.She would like me to come back but says,"if it happened once it will probably happen again".

[rainsux]

Odd way to run her business, but you now have her answer ... That nothing is gonna change. Now the decision is yours.

- go only during slow periods
- take a chance, but don't become irate because you now know what not to expect
-take your business elsewhere

[Musie]

Sounds like the owner is probably new to the industry. I used to manage a busy city center cafe which was owned by a couple who had never even waited tables in their youth. They were far too eager to cut down on staff, often editing my staff rotas, putting themselves in and not working. When you're being stretched out like that, your service will suffer.

I'd wait a while before returning, eventually it should click that good food is accompanied by good service.

[jujuthomas]

Like Bob, on occasion I've flagged down whoever was passing... busser, another server, front of house staff, to request some attention from our server. It works beautifully, and sometimes spurs a visit from the MOD to see if everything is OK. I don't know that either of us has ever gotten up from the table to search out a member of the staff... but we might.

Obviously in a restaurant as small as the one in the OP, the situation is different. and from what I read downthread, the owner's response was less than satisfactory!

[ctfoodguy]

Very well put, Bob. Just to add one more thing, the waiter should be told that you're feeling ignored. He may not realize it. 20-30 minutes goes by very quickly when you are working.

[thegforceny]

There is much more to this story than this 3-line post. And thus not enough information to enable thoughtful commentary. Come on, fess up, what did you do?

IME it is rarely reasonable to become "irate" in a restaurant. Just not worth it to me.

[Lolaray]

we'd eaten and were left unattended for at least 1/2 an hour.No clearing of the table ,no asking if we would like dessert,no coffee no anything.I said i didn't like to be ignored and left .That's it.If someone is pouring your wine their attention doesn't let up when the bottle nears empty or does it in your world?

[babette feasts]

I said i didn't like to be ignored and left

***

And you left more than enough to cover your bill?

[Motosport]

On rare occasions, when all else fails, I have called the restaurant on my cell:
"Hello, ______restaurant. Can I help you?"
"Yes, could we see a dessert menu?"
"_______________________ " Pause while he looks around confused and sees me waving.