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Food Network Does It Again

A new low. Who would have thought to put mustard on a ham sandwich?

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/fo...

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  1. I'm a mustard on ham sandwich type of guy, but the recipe being the "Ultimate" is pure hyperbole which usually implies a joke. However, FN is probably serious the "recipe" being the "Ultimate Ham Sandwich."

    1. I think the mustard is fine. The pickle is disturbing though.

      1. I personally am stoked that I have this fine, fine recipe. I never knew how to make a ham sandwich. Thanks, FN...
        Now, if I could just find a recipe for ice....

        7 Replies
        1. re: freia

          hahahahhaahahahahaha........freia.............. > you're hysterical.
          let me help you any time you need it, I'll help you all you need with the daunting task of making ice....ahahahahh

              1. re: BabsW

                Or for more advanced cooks (or high school science students)
                http://www2.gi.alaska.edu/ScienceForu...

                or if you are into molecular gastronomy
                http://blog.khymos.org/2008/04/13/ice...

                1. re: paulj

                  Now I want to grow a block of perfectly clear ice!

                2. re: BabsW

                  LOLOLOL I love the comments!
                  :)

                  1. re: freia

                    The comments are always the best part. :)

              2. This recipe is useless. How the f*ck do I make ham?

                4 Replies
                1. re: kurtt

                  LOLOLOL cant...stop...laughing...:)

                  1. re: kurtt

                    Well,,, surely we need to get Americas Test Kitchen involved here, and have them figure out the the best bread, ham, cheese and even mustard to use!

                    1. re: Spelunk

                      Hey, we could get into some passionate arguments about any of those points!

                    2. re: kurtt

                      Serioulsy busted out laughing at work...Thanks, kurtt!

                    3. wait, so the meat and cheese goes BETWEEN the bread slices?

                      1 Reply
                      1. re: hill food

                        ultimate low carb ham sandwich--one slice bread between slices of ham and cheese!

                      2. Does what? Provide a recipe that even you can follow?

                        1 Reply
                        1. As an East Coaster, I'm cool with the mustard and pickles, but the mayo has to go! I love mayo, but not on meat sandwiches.

                          34 Replies
                          1. re: StrandedYankee

                            Your contention is folks in the East don't put mayo on sandwiches? Is there a cutoff line?
                            Roast Beef and Ham sandwiches with mayo were standard in the Midwest of my youth.

                            1. re: bbqboy

                              Mayo on meat sandwiches is sort of joked about in this neck of the woods, along with Wonder bread.

                                1. re: FoodChic

                                  Don't be silly.White bread is the standard for BBQ.
                                  It also does make classic American sandwiches like ham with mayo,lettuce, and tomato.Or substitute roast beef or chicken if you like.
                                  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches demand white bread.
                                  I'm sorry you are so jaded..

                                  1. re: bbqboy

                                    Maybe I am blind - but I see no-one saying anything about white bread. There seems to be a dislike of Wonderbread but that is different than white bread.

                                      1. re: FoodChic

                                        But there are degrees of crappiness in white bread. And a great rustic Italian, a great sourdough, or well-made baguette just might not qualify for the crappy label at all!!

                                        1. re: sandylc

                                          Right, sandylc! I love real artisanal breads. To me those don't qualify as "white bread' - at least not the type bbqboy holds so dear.

                                          1. re: FoodChic

                                            I like those breads too, but for some things as mentioned above plain old white bread is the
                                            carrier of choice.

                                            1. re: FoodChic

                                              But they ARE white bread......by any definition.

                                              1. re: sandylc

                                                Call it what you want, but I do not equate store shelf bread with artisanal breads.
                                                One is delicious and elegant, and the other is crap.

                                        2. re: bbqboy

                                          I lived in Tennessee for 6.5 years. I am aware that pre-sliced supermarket white bread and hamburger buns (like those made by Wonder) are the standard at BBQ places. And the BBQ itself is usually good. The bread, however, is pretty lousy. Wherever it was offered, I usually paid extra and got cornbread pancakes instead. I can't tell you how many times I thought longingly of good rye bread at BBQ places.

                                          1. re: StrandedYankee

                                            Pure genius. What if BBQ joints had amazing bread. Nothing would stop them from taking over the world......

                                            1. re: StrandedYankee

                                              oh yeah, I know it's traditional but I too never understood the wonderish white bread. but rye? I dunno. yet I agree something denser would be a blockbuster move.

                                              1. re: hill food

                                                BBQ isn't some upscale Manhattan restaurant fare, or even NY deli. It's part of down home southern cooking, the land of unsweetened cornbread, sweet tea, and biscuits made with self rising bleached white flour. The Texas brisket is prepared and served at butcher shops, not bakeries. The white bread is used because it is familiar, and absorbs juices and sauce well. Native southern wheat is soft, better for biscuits and cakes than bread.

                                                I was going to say the white bread serves as the trenchers of old England - except that trencher bread was coarser than anything we eat now.

                                                1. re: paulj

                                                  oh I do get the bread's more for sopping than anything else.

                                                  but it indeed has become upscale Manhattan fare as odd as that sounds. (though it oughta be eaten in a backyard, a parking lot or a dingy roadhouse IMHO...)

                                                  1. re: paulj

                                                    IMHO, there is nothing that destroys my Texas BBQ than white bread or sauce. There is true artistry in the smoking of the meat, and things like white bread and sauce only serve to ruin true Texas BBQ. In fact, many BBQ joints in Texas refuse to serve sauce.

                                                    1. re: FoodChic

                                                      But don't those famous Texas butchers provide white bread with the meat?

                                                      1. re: paulj

                                                        I think we've covered this...or did you not read the entire thread on this topic?

                                                        1. re: FoodChic

                                                          At some places you have a choice of bread or crackers. Many small stores and butchers sell homemade white bread, call me a rube, but I love the stuff.

                                                          1. re: James Cristinian

                                                            Now, homemade white bread sounds like a fine idea, as well.

                                                            1. re: sandylc

                                                              Homemade bread is outstanding. When I see Texas toast coming out of the plastic bag, I'm out!

                                                  2. re: hill food

                                                    I was trying to think of a traditional, or well known, meat sandwich that uses a dense bread. I can think of ones that use crusty rolls, but they are still basically white bread. Fancy multigrain breads seen to go with vegetarian alfalfa sprout fillings, or dense German breads with cheese.

                                                    1. re: paulj

                                                      Reuben (on rye)? Rye is decidedly not white and is dense.

                                                      1. re: sandylc

                                                        Though in my experience the rye used for reuben (and similar sandwiches) is light as rye bread goes. I'm think for example of the 'New York deli rye', with maybe a quarter of the flour being fine rye.

                                              2. re: FoodChic

                                                "Wonder bread is a joke everywhere.
                                                By FoodChic on Apr 10, 2012 03:13 PM"

                                                Not everywhere. You can't have a true bologna and potato chip sandwich unless it's squished between two mustard-slathered, pillowy slices of white bread whether it be wonder, schmidts blue ribbon, sunbeam or etc... Although these days I've switched ot Natures Own because it doesn't have hfc or trans fats.

                                                Oh, almost forgot. Wonderbread and its ilk make great fish bait.

                                                Directions: take a slice of bread and cut into quarters. then take each individual quarter and roll between palms so that a tight ball of dough is formed. repeat quartering and rolling bread until desired quantity is reached. place dough balls into a zip lock bag and seal bag. gather fishing rod, fishing line and fishing hooks. proceed with dough balls and fishing gear to a water source that is populated with fish. upon reaching water source, assemble rod, line and attach hook to line. remove one dough ball from zip lock bag. reseal bag. attach dough ball to hook by pushing dough ball onto barbed end of hook. cast line into water. repeat until all dough balls have been used or until desired quantity of fish has been caught, whichever comes first. ;)

                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                    I've caught perch with it and catfish.

                                                    1. re: Vidute

                                                      My uncle used to catch carp with a similiar method.

                                                      1. re: Vidute

                                                        hmmm. we have these in the nearby river I assume the hook is weighted with sinkers (and to think I expected another useless pure snark thread!) thanks!

                                                        1. re: Vidute

                                                          I always used worms while fishing at my grandparents' house, but we used Wonderbread at summer camp. I once caught a smallmouth bass with my Wonderbread doughball - I'm not sure who was more surprised, the fish or my counselor.

                                                      2. re: Vidute

                                                        Yeah, this is so completely loaded with the obvious, I refuse to make a meaningful comment. :-)

                                              3. If you can make roast ham with a mustard glaze - why would mustard not be appropriate for a sandwich. Sure the recipe format for a sandwich sounds a little silly. Personally though I am more of a mustard with peameal bacon sort of person (a Toronto classic).

                                                I would however put the dill pickles as wedges on the side - not on the sandwich itself.

                                                8 Replies
                                                1. re: cacruden

                                                  Joy of Cooking, the classic edition, has 6 pages of sandwich recipes, many of which are just as simple as this FN one. e.g. 'ham, tomato and egg sandwich' (rye, ham, lettuce, tomatoes, egg slices, dressing).

                                                  1. re: paulj

                                                    Are they referred to as "Ultimate"?

                                                    1. re: paulj

                                                      This came from the quick and easy recipe section, as many cookbooks have as you have pointed out. I think few of the typical crowd of Food Network bashers noticed that the first ingredient is homemade mayonnaise, and if you read the recipie it requres at least moderate preparation. Not everyone has the chops to be a gourmet or advanced cook, and this recipie and many others as paulj said can introduce less talented to the world of food, much as, gasp, Rachel Ray has done with her Thirty Minute Meals.

                                                      http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/fo...

                                                      1. re: James Cristinian

                                                        Yes, Rachel Ray, with her 3 Sherberts Recipe -- see my post below.
                                                        Sometimes I think that the recipes are put together by others and posted under the Chef's name.
                                                        If you google "dark chocolate as a snack recipe" you'll be linked to a recipe from another FN chef that read as follows:
                                                        Dark Chocolate as a Snack
                                                        Ingredients: 2 oz dark chocolate
                                                        Place chocolate on plate. Enjoy.

                                                        Seriously, from FN, it became an internet meme it was so stupid, and the recipe is no longer on the site. If you google it, you'll find screenshots of it..

                                                        Just sayin'

                                                        1. re: freia

                                                          I think I posted the same/similar on the Paula Dean English peas thread (or I at least thought it at the time). I'm sure there is some intern in the basement of FN headquarters who is tasked with transcribing every. single. recipe. for the website. There are food recommendations on TV that seem perfectly normal (i.e. microwave bacon as a shortcut, or just have a piece of chocolate as a snack), but when translated to the internet as a "recipe" they seem idiotic. I don't hold it against the TV personalities/chefs, they aren't in charge of the web. I don't hold it against the who ever transcribed the "recipe" either, doubt they have much decision making power.

                                                          1. re: mpjmph

                                                            oh sheesh, google "Mr. Food" every one of his syndicated TV segments calls for massive shortcuts (hey I'm no snob, sometimes that IS the way to go) and then adds one or two ingredients that make it all go wrong. and weird. makes Betty Crocker look in a league with Jacques Pepin

                                                            his delivery makes me want to go scrub with sand and bleach. sackcloth and ashes. 40 days in the wilderness and all.

                                                        2. re: James Cristinian

                                                          Well, yes I did see the "homemade mayonnaise" ingredient. I find it laughable that anyone would ask someone to make homemade mayo, which does require a bit of skill, then feel the need to tell them how to make a ham sandwich. I don't agree that making a sandwich introduces less talented to the world of food. It introduces them to making a sandwich, nothing more.

                                                          1. re: RC51Mike

                                                            Yes, but making homemade mayonaisse can give them confidence to making a more complicated dish than a simple ham sandwich, I'm sure you've heard the term can't boil water. I think the same could apply to a ham sandwich, a marinara sauce, or even a hamburger. Go ahead, have another laugh at my expense, and those that can't cook, or are afraid to cook. [Edit] Yes I know making a sandwich is not cooking, it is food preparation, but I see people at work that won't make their own lunch, and shell out 9.50 for a crummy Jimmy John's sandwich with chips. Ten dollars would make a weeks worth of ham sandwiches, with homemade mayo.

                                                    2. When "Food Network" first hit the airwaves, I was GLUED to it. Then it slowly morphed into "Moronic Food Realty TV", & I ceased watching it. It's literally been YEARS since I watching anything on "Food Network".

                                                      Then "Food Network" launched "The Cooking Channel", & I really enjoyed that from Day One. But now that's slowly morphing into idiocy.

                                                      When oh WHEN will "Food Network" actually GET any sort of input from their viewers. They're not gaining viewers - they're LOSING them. And I know that for a fact.

                                                      So sad, because "Food Network" & "The Cooking Channel" had/have so much potential if they just didn't feel the need to attract the lowest common denominator of viewer.

                                                      8 Replies
                                                      1. re: Bacardi1

                                                        Thanks for all the laughs. I knew this would generate some good comments. What;s next from FN- a recipe for a bowl of cereal????

                                                        1. re: little debbie

                                                          Nope, how about Mixed Sorbets?
                                                          http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ra...
                                                          Thank you, Rachel Ray for this winner...OH and don't forget to read the reviews at the bottom.

                                                          This one from Paula Deen is one of my faves -- I just can't seem to get the hang of it though...
                                                          http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/pa...

                                                          LOL Can't...stop...laughing....

                                                          1. re: freia

                                                            I think I need english peas for dummies

                                                          2. re: little debbie

                                                            but what temperature should the milk be? can i use warm milk on a cold day and cold milk on a warm day? Is it legal to buy soy milk in wisconsin? what's so wrong with adding sugar to my captain crunch? is hot cereal like cream of wheat really cereal?

                                                          3. re: Bacardi1

                                                            What did you think of the viewers' choice of ingredients for Chopped on a recent episode?

                                                            OK, they don't take input from viewers that they lost years ago (I assume you gave them input, didn't you?). But don't you think that there are viewers who like their current offerings?

                                                            1. re: Bacardi1

                                                              i loved it when it first came on too, but it quickly morphed into something entirely else. it just has tv personalities as hosts now. no chefs. what's the point?

                                                              it's funny to me that folks get so exercised about the food network. just don't watch it, ya know?

                                                              1. re: Bacardi1

                                                                Could not have said it better!!
                                                                I also gave up on FN but enjoyed Cooking until a couple of months ago. All those competition shows are soo boring.

                                                                1. re: Oonasheila

                                                                  One series that I really like is Masterchef Australia. It runs about 70+ episodes over a three month period - and about 10 of those shows are "Masterclasses" which so it is not just the competition but competition and learning.

                                                              2. Too hard. I need the Sandra Lee Semi-home made version with corn nuts.

                                                                1. Where's our food haiku master at a time like this? FN needs a haiku!
                                                                  FoodFuser...where at thou?

                                                                  1. The FN web site recipe section is basically a data base for all the recipes. If the ham sandwich appeared on a show or in the magazine in winds up on the site. Maybe someone saw the segment on TV about sandwiches and couldn't remember if they added pickle or not. They go to the web site and there is the recipe. It's just a reference tool. That's all. From the simplest recipes to the most involved, they are ALL there.

                                                                    3 Replies
                                                                    1. re: ttoommyy

                                                                      So if I understand correctly, if the recipe was on FN tv or magazine it gets put on the site? That means that somewheres, somehow, Paula Deen ACTUALLY offered up her Buttered English Peas as a recipe? (2 cans peas, 1 stick butter, heat and mix and serve) Yowza!

                                                                      1. re: freia

                                                                        Yes. It was a small part of a bigger meal. In the context of the show you wouldn't have even thought twice about it. The recipe, being part of the script for that particular show, was cataloged and made it to the site . As simple as that.

                                                                        1. re: freia

                                                                          When I watched that PD episode I did not see them prepare the peas, though they were on their plates. By them I mean Paula and President Carter and Roslynn. The episode focused on the President's mother and things that she, as a working mom, prepared.

                                                                          The comments and threads that focus on knocking FN and PD frequently loose sight of the human dimensions of these shows and recipes. But then that's true of a lot of attempts at humor - exaggerate some minor aspect of a much more complicated story.

                                                                          http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/759050

                                                                      2. Good Grief, the lack of humor on these boards never ceases to amaze me. :)

                                                                        6 Replies
                                                                        1. re: freia

                                                                          Believe me, I'm all for humor. But the constant picking at FN for something as inconsequential as the topic of this thread is just silly and old at this point. Especially when there is a valid reason as to why the recipe in question is on the site, but people choose to ignore the facts and go on poking fun.

                                                                          1. re: freia

                                                                            I'm with you. I'm also amazed at all of the people coming to the defense of the FN which has become a laughable shell of its former self.

                                                                            1. re: gourmanda

                                                                              +1. I watch it when something good is on....this is becoming more and more seldom, to my great disappointment. Freia, you are right, we do need more humor here!!! There are a couple of folks here whose personalities might be a little more serious/dour.....they have good input, just not much for teasing!

                                                                              1. re: sandylc

                                                                                I like humor as much as the next person, but many of these FN threads aren't humorous. They are just bitching and nitpicking. Not that bitching can't be fun - I like BK even though the generational gap is yawning. In fact most of the FN shows that I have enjoyed have a humorous element, even it is corny.

                                                                                1. re: paulj

                                                                                  Good points! paulj, did you think I was talking about you - !?!? ;-}

                                                                                  1. re: paulj

                                                                                    This board is clearly not humerous, eithe, for some postersr. It isn't a question of bitching and nitpicking. Any for-profin network which claims to be about food all all things food, who posts recipes like 3 sherbert dessert, maybe needs to have the air taken out of its sails just a little bit. Honesstly, it isn't such a big deal. I see bitching and moaning on this thread, and it certainly isn't from those of us who've had a giggle or two over a clearly silly recipe.
                                                                                    Hey, maybe I can find the recipe for seam on FN ! I'm off to look -- I've been trying for years to make it, but it just isn't working out...

                                                                            2. well I want to know how the prep time for this masterpiece is 10 minutes??

                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                              1. re: smartie

                                                                                Well, the prep time for Paula Deen's english peas recipe is five minutes. Four minutes to find a can opener, and one minute to eat a few biscuits, y'all.

                                                                              2. pickles? on a ham sandwich? ewww...thats so gross.

                                                                                if you want to make an ultimate ham sandwich follow the advice of that great chef Jack (thousands of restaurants across the country- he must know what he's doing) An ultimate cheeseburger has cheese and a burger, therefore an ultimate ham sandwich should have bread and ham. limited condiments. Preferably something fatty to up the cravablility. Grandma used butter (yes, really) auntie uses tons of miracle whip (again... yes, really) mom likes a bit of mayo. Now if you want to get fancy and call it an ultimate-ham-sandwich-deluxe i guess you could add lettuce and tomato. No cheese, thats a ham and cheese... do i have to spell out everything here? Mustard is seen as a natural accompaniment to ham, so a bit of that is ok. maybe a honey mustard dressing if you must. More than that and you are complicating it.

                                                                                Ive heard that there are people who actually make a bizarre sandwich with ham AND bacon AND tomato AND lettuce... the poor fools get so befuddled that they actually use three slices of bread. Now cummon, thats just going too far - stop the madness people, stop the madness!

                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                1. re: KaimukiMan

                                                                                  ham and bacon is a bit much. yet a buttered ham sandwich is not unusual in France (decadent yes, but your Grandma knew what she was up to) CAN mustard even be a question in proximity to ham?

                                                                                  I sorta thought its absence was illegal unless were talking something like Serrano or Prosciutto.

                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                    well, what i was describing was what I was raised to call a Manhattan Sandwich, which in the SanFrancisco area is a Clubhouse Sandwich with Ham instead of Turkey (or at least it used to be, but in googling manhattan sandwich, i find everything but.... how odd)

                                                                                    1. re: KaimukiMan

                                                                                      ahh yes, it can mean so many things...

                                                                                      don't get me wrong, in the right mood I'd eat it. and LIKE it.

                                                                                2. I love mustard on anything..including ham.

                                                                                  1. Well....... Food Network HAS become the bastion of lowest common denominator cooking and "reality food" shows. AND it IS the network where one of the earliest shows was called "How To Boil Water"............ so a ham sandwich recipe isn't all THAT surprising.

                                                                                    5 Replies
                                                                                    1. re: Midlife

                                                                                      How does FN compare with your tattered Joy of Cooking? My guess is that the range of recipes is comparable.

                                                                                      1. re: paulj

                                                                                        I don't see any real level of comparison between Food Network's place in the world of TV cooking shows and The Joy of Cooking's place in the world of cookbooks. Dr. Seuss"s Green Eggs and Ham........ maybe.

                                                                                        1. re: Midlife

                                                                                          The highlights of ICA on CC showed that Green Eggs and Ham appeared on that show 2 or 3 times.

                                                                                          Canadian Bob Blumer, Surreal Gourmet, also has a recipe for that. I saw that on FN years ago. FN Canada still has him. I'd like to see him on CC.

                                                                                          http://www.foodnetwork.ca/ontv/shows/...

                                                                                        2. re: paulj

                                                                                          I've yet to see anyone skin a squirrel on FN. :-)

                                                                                          1. re: mcf

                                                                                            heh, don't give them any ideas. Now that FN has Trisha Yearwood with her Southern family-style cooking, and the Pioneer Woman, I could foresee a "Roadkill Cuisine with the Nuge" show, exploiting Ted Nugent's recent notoriety and reputation for being a hunter. A squirrel would be right up his alley...small and unable to shoot back

                                                                                      2. The best part of these recipes are the comments. The sarcastic ones are funny but the best are the ones who take these overly simplistic recipes and provide serous editorial content.

                                                                                        1. Thanks for the chuckle, ld. :)

                                                                                          1. They forgot to tell you to eat it. What's up with that?

                                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                                            1. re: Leepa

                                                                                              You're supposed to eat it??? That's where I went wrong...