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Funniest frozen turkey memories

There must be hundreds/thousands of funny stories about peoples experiences with frozen turkeys. How about putting some of them up?
This is mine. Many many years ago our family was driving into Banff on the 'Old Banff hwy'. Just outside Banff we came upon an eighteen wheeler that was on it's side in the ditch. The accident had just happened. The driver was standing beside his truck. When the trailer landed in the ditch the entire roof of the trailer had opened up like a sardine can. There were hundreds of frozen turkeys everywhere! In the ditch, in the trees, on the road. My dad after checking to see if the driver was OK asked what was going to happen to the turkeys. The driver didn't seem to care so my dad told my mom and us kids to hurry and get every turkey into the car as possible. Fortunately the car was a huge 'Kiaser Fraser'. We must have stuffed a hundred turkeys in the car. I remember driving home with frozen turkeys piled on my lap. What to do with all the turkeys? The turkeys were mostly given to relatives but we ended up with a bunch. We knew someone with a freezer locker but my parents decided to have them all cut in half first before going in the locker. My dad knew someone with a big band saw (remember, these turkeys were huge) and we dropped them off to be cut in half. An hour or so later we went over to get the cut in half turkeys. The man with the band saw had cut the turkeys in half all right. He had cut all of them across ways in stead of length ways! So for months we either had the front half or the back half.
Let's read your funniest turkey story.

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  1. "So for months we either had the front half or the back half."

    I just spit a mouthful of tea all over my monitor!

    1. Awesome story. The front half would be better, right? That's where the drumsticks are?

      My little tale of a sun bath to a still-frozen bird on thanksgiving morning now isn't really worth telling.

      1 Reply
      1. re: tcamp

        I think the drumsticks were attached the 'back half'.

      2. First turkey dinner cooked in the apartment in college. Yes I called my grandmother for recipes and help.

        When pre-heating the oven, make sure the tupperware you have stored in there has been removed. Salvador Dali could have used the resulting dripping mass for a decade of inspiration.

        2 Replies
        1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

          LOL! Would you have called the look on your face when you opened the oven door a Kodak Moment?

          1. re: RelishPDX

            my tupperware moments inspire me to believe he smelled the problem before he saw it.

        2. I like to make a defrosting turkey hand puppet every Thanksgiving morning at 0500. I wake my husband up with it.

          This past year he locked the bedroom door after I got up to cook.

          3 Replies
          1. re: DuchessNukem

            heheheh-my mom and I do a a sort of macabre turkey hustle dance and then pull the neck out for additional gross value. John Waters Style.

            1. re: mmerino

              Have you guys seen Mr. Bean's turkey-castrophe? Yes, the best turkey-stuck-on-the-head scene ever!

            2. re: DuchessNukem

              This is possibly my favorite Chowhound post ever!

              (Missed this thread originally; just saw it now due to the bump)

            3. I know a woman who was in her basement, searching through her chest freezer. To get a better look in there, she removed a frozen turkey, placing it on a shelf next to the freezer. She eventually found what she wanted, but forgot to put the turkey back in. About a month or so later, she was wondering what was smelling down there. She had a festering, rotting turkey carcass on the shelf....
              Another lady I know was doing the same thing - looking through the chest freezer. She dropped the gobbler on her foot, breaking two metatarsels.

              Does anyone remember the WKRP in Cincinatti Thanksgiving turkey giveaway fiasco?
              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST01bZ...

              1 Reply
              1. re: porker

                yes! They dropped live turkeys from a helicopter because Les didn't know they c ouldn't fly.