HOME > Chowhound > General Topics >

Discussion

Really Dumb Food...!

Every once in a while, when I'm surfing the web, I run into an edible that stops me cold. Are they KIDDING? Well, I got a hit today. Check it out:

http://www.thekitchn.com/edible-spray...

According to this morning's exchange rate, that translates to just under 37 bucks a can. So I can have gold radishes? sheesh! For 25 bucks I can get 100 leaves of edible gold leaf on eBay, and it's a lot more versatile. Oh, well. Watch for it on Cupcake Wars.

I thought it might be fun to have a thread where we can "register" our weird food finds and when we're looking for something kookie, we'll know where to find it. This is my contribution to get things rolling.

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
Delete
  1. Nothing as weird as that but here are a few.

    Putting gold leaf on candy and baked goods.
    edible panties
    flavored douche liquids
    flavored condoms?
    pop rocks
    unflavored pop rocks
    The concept of a chocolate dress (break a piece off, eat it and say....I like your dress) (Btw, Chocolate starts melting at 94° F...body temp 98.6)
    Most of the products on willpowder.net

    10 Replies
    1. re: Hank Hanover

      Flavored douche? WOW!! Were they flavored or scented? Thank you for the Monday laugh-I needed that!!

      1. re: Hank Hanover

        Edible eatin' britches?? Wonder if they come in biscuit and gravy flavor?

        1. re: Hank Hanover

          edible panties

          ---------------------------------------
          Growing up, there was gift shop (of sorts) that sold "adult" gifts in one section. I remember they sold edible panties. As teenagers, we thought it was the raciest thing ever. From what I remember about the box, it looked like they were made from fruit leather. (Fruit Roll-Ups were popular at the time.)

          1. re: cleobeach

            If I remember right, they were kind of like a "bikini" bottom pantie that tied with skinny licorice whips on each side! Oh my, that was eons ago!

            1. re: boyzoma

              I got married in 1981... 'nuff said...

              (they were red licorice)

              (and they melt)

            2. re: cleobeach

              I can't remember where, but in searching for knit/crochet patterns, I once found a pattern to crochet edible panties out of licorice laces!! I guess it takes all kinds...

              1. re: linguafood

                If you can manage it, toss a couple of pop rocks into a coworker's hot coffee, and stand back.

                1. re: EWSflash

                  Aaaah. Too bad I work from home & like my husband too much :-)

              2. re: Hank Hanover

                The edible gold spray in a can I see as a novelty that happens to be edible, not exactly food. Ditto Pop Rocks.

                The flavored douche I see as a social problem. Isn't it enough that we need to pretend we're hairless from the neck down, we also have to have our hoohas taste like candy? At least flavored condoms can help stop the spread of disease.

              3. Hmmm... I might consider using it on a 50th Anniversary cake, but not on a tomato.

                I will be on the lookout for a contribution to this thread :)

                1. Hi Caroline1, I've been trying to answer this OP for a couple weeks now, and the site wouldn't let me post! Yay, it's fixed, because when I saw this item all I could think of, folks was:
                  The Batter Blaster. It looks like a whipped-cream can, only get this, it's loaded with pancake batter and is designed to sort of blorp out the perfect amount of batter for the perfect-sized pancakes on those days when you'd rather eat your house slippers than cook.
                  Of course, it's ORGANIC so you can feel good about yourself when you buy it.

                  138 Replies
                  1. re: mamachef

                    everything you just wrote made me laugh out loud, thank you!

                    1. re: mamachef

                      That's scary! But it reminds me of another product I've seen. In the Bisquick section, a large plastic jug-jar -- about a quart or so in size -- labeled "Buttermilk Pancakes." I couldn't believe my eyes! My first thought was, "How in the world do they keep the leavening active?" So I picked one up to read the directions... "Add XX cups of water and shake well"!!! I suppose it could be handy for a breakfast tailgate party. And then there are frozen pancakes in the freezer section. Frozen waffles seem okay for people who don't own a waffle iron, but frozen pancakes??? <sigh>

                      You've also answered a question for me. I've been curious why there weren't more responses. Your problem never occurred to me!

                      1. re: Caroline1

                        My dear, are you also familiar with "Uncrustables?" The first time I saw them my head almost exploded: little kids' sandwiches, pbj and cheese and the like, on balloon bread, with the crusts cut off. Wrapped in plastic and for sale in a refrigerator section of your nearest fullservice grocery store. Is that a joke, or what? They look like a sandwich your mother would make if she totally hated you. : )

                        1. re: mamachef

                          And can't you just hear the young mom packing her kid off to school with a couple of those in a Thomas the Train lunch box saying to a friend, "I just won't let Junior eat that crappy cafeteria food. I MAKE his lunch myself!" '-)

                          1. re: Caroline1

                            <...falling out of chair laughing......and then he comes home, to his nice snack of a Ding-dong and some Sunny Delight (it's orange, right? Must be good!!) and his dinner of a cheesefood and ham product casserole sided by white bread with margarine and a glass of Koolaid. And we sit here and wonder why our hyperactive kids with dental problems are growing obese.

                              1. re: mamachef

                                cleverly camoflauged swipe at spam.... try it, you'll like it....

                                1. re: KaimukiMan

                                  Hey, I've eaten it and it's not half-bad in a decent hash on a camping trip. No, the swipe was a completely OT swipe at ALL diets heavy on processed foods.

                            1. re: mamachef

                              I never understood the 'cutting off the crusts' thing...it has to be one of the dopiest food practices ever devised.
                              Besides, the crust was _always_ my favorite part of the bread.

                                1. re: sandylc

                                  I agree that crusts on good bread are yummy, but on run of the mill, packaged, sliced bread (like you would get in a lunchables type of product), they are dry and nasty.

                                2. re: The Professor

                                  Just for the record, cutting the crusts off sandwiches and bread comes out of the tea sandwich tradition. It belongs to the era of "garden parties" and "cotillions" and other fancy occasions. And kids LOVE fancy food. So while you are no longer obligated to choose between watercress and cucumber sandwiches when invited for afternoon tea, you can still get the "elegance" by trimming your crusts. But if you like them, by all means leave them on!

                                  There is a very elegant '60s "loaf sandwich" made especially for elegant buffets in which a whole "sandwich" loaf (baked in a rectangular pan with a flat top to the bread and sometimes even baked in a pan with a lid to it that forces the shape) that is damned good eating to this very day, but very few make it. You take the unsliced sandwich loaf (often brioche) and cut all of the crusts off leaving you with a long uncrusted block of bread. Then you slice it horizontally into long thin slabs. Make a bunch of fillings that you adore BUT they should not sog up the bread. Some typical fillings are a nice spreadable truffled pate or foie gras mousse; pimiento cheese spread, spinach spread made by combining well squeezed spinach (put the spinach in a cloth and wring out all of the moisture) and cream cheese plus a little salt and pepper and herbs of choice. The objective is interesting color contrasts between the layers of fillings AND great flavor. Each vertical slab of bread is spread evenly and fairly thickly (about an eighth to a quarter of an inch) with one colored spread, then another slab of bread with another color spread, etc. ending with a top slab of bread with no spread on it. Then the whole thing is "encased" in a "frosting" of whipped cream cheese just like you would ice a cake. No sandwich showing through! It can then be piped with more of the whipped cream cheese in fancy designs if you wish. Chill until firm. Serve on a long platter with appropriate garnishes and slice two or three slices to get things started. Leave a nice "cake knife" on the platter for folks to help themselves after the starter slices are gone. Every time I have made this, I have PRAYED for leftovers so I can have a taste too but there never are. <sigh> But I DO save the crusts just for me, and they are delicious! With or without spread. Brioche.... mmmmmmm

                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                    The Supersizers Go ... , Seventies episode (Cooking Channel, BBC) sampled such a sandwich loaf. It was part of the Party Food menu (Fish Sandwich Cake).

                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLC...

                                    Some kids just don't like the crust. Whether it is something that indulgent parents have abetted or not, kids can be quite sensitive to contrasting textures. Crusts never bothered me, but things like fibers in squash, skin on cocoa, and cream on top of unhomogenized milk made me gag.

                                    1. re: Caroline1

                                      reminds me of the character Cher played in "Mermaids" and all she thought to/could make was "party food" so even simple sandwiches were shaped with cookie cutters

                                      1. re: Caroline1

                                        Caroline1 - My mother used to make a version of that for bridge club! she put things like ham salad in it...

                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                          This sounds absolutely delicious! I must try for my next party. Bonus points because i can make it in advance.

                                        2. re: The Professor

                                          +1- eat the damn crust, for chrissake. And no peeling of apples, either.

                                          1. re: EWSflash

                                            LOL! When my mom used to make apple pie, I _always_ ate the peels. I considered them a treat!

                                            1. re: The Professor

                                              I got so pissed off at my mother when I found her peeling my son's apples and peaches for him when he was a little shaver- it was an obsequious maneuver to make him adore her more, and made life at home tough because I hardly peel anything- fiber and vitamins are good. She never peeled OUR damn fruit except carrots, as I recall, and I've thought about it a lot- not a big peeler except for her Only Grandson. Also she fed him cream like mad that I hope doesn't come back to haunt him in middle age, although he's fit and slender now and knows how to eat in a healthy fashion. Thank the good Lord.

                                              1. re: EWSflash

                                                I consider it my God given right and duty to relentlessly and shamelessly spoil my grand daughter. I cut the crust off her peanut butter sandwich and cut it in quarters without her even asking. She was a late crawler because her grampaw would carry her anywhere she wanted to go and if she wanted to go faster all she had to do was go aggghhh. I would say "enough tummy time!" if she whined. We did eventually teach her to crawl but I'm not sure I liked it.

                                                It never occurred to me to skin her apples just cut them in wedges. She is almost 7 years old. Do you think it is too late for me to start skinning the wedges?

                                                1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                  My god, I am SOOOooooOOooOoOOo glad to hear that they still make grandfathers like they used to many many years ago when I was 7! Good job! Keep up the good work!

                                                  1. re: The Professor

                                                    Me too- if I'm making an apple crisp for the extended family I usually eat the peels as I'm peeling the next one. Shouldn't waste good pectin and tart apple skins, it's a sin, I think.

                                                2. re: The Professor

                                                  crust is the best part on a decent to good piece of bread. but on a bad piece of bread.... notsomuch.

                                                3. re: mamachef

                                                  gonna be completely honest here (and prepared to be flamed for this one)

                                                  but uncrutables are actually kinda delicious when you freeze them

                                                  and try to imagine that theyre not supposed to be a gourmet snack

                                                  1. re: mattstolz

                                                    Hey, if it tastes good, eat it! I think Andrew Zimmern says that, but it's a good philosophy. But I eat some things I would NEVER talk about on Chowhound! '-)

                                                    1. re: Caroline1

                                                      Caroline1, you already copped out to the occasional Jack in the Box taco. : )

                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                        Shhhhh.... Don't tell anybody I told you this, but there ARE worse culinary sins that a Jack in the Box taco....!!! '-)

                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                          That's like throwing down a gauntlet....

                                                            1. re: Caroline1

                                                              Beef Regular Taco Filling Ingredients: Beef, Water, Textured Vegetable Protein
                                                              (Soy Flour, Caramel Color), Defatted Soy Grits, Seasoning [Chili Pepper, Corn
                                                              Maltodextrin, Spices, Bleached Enriched Wheat Flour (Contains Niacin, Reduced
                                                              Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, and Folic Acid), Salt, Garlic Powder,
                                                              Hydrolyzed (Corn, Soy, Wheat) Proteins, Monosodium Glutamate, Onion
                                                              Powder, Natural Flavors, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Succinic
                                                              Acid], Salt, Tomato Paste, Worcestershire Sauce (Distilled Vinegar, Molasses,
                                                              Corn Syrup, Water, Salt, Caramel Color, Garlic Powder, Sugar, Spices,
                                                              Tamarind, Natural Flavor, Sulfiting Agent). Tortillas Ingredients: Ground Corn,
                                                              Water, Lime. Contains Soy, Wheat

                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                  I got this. Generic house brand Vienna Sausages.

                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                            Oh shoot- how many of us have outed ourselves on CH? I know I have. Carolyn, you 're a sly fox. I was born totaly bereft of that gene, unfortunately.

                                                          2. re: mattstolz

                                                            I hate to ask but what's an uncrutable?

                                                            1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                              Hey, hank, I think they mean "uncrustable" - a crustless PB&J presumably found in the freezer section of your processed food store....

                                                              1. re: sandylc

                                                                So how much does it cost for 20 cents worth of product? .... $1.79?

                                                              2. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                oops. unCRUSTable.

                                                                but i think i would win this gross food fight with whatever an unCRUTable would be...

                                                              3. re: mattstolz

                                                                Amen, Matt!

                                                                Uncrustables are deee-licious right out of the freezer. (and I don't have to scour a butter knife, and then the sponge or brush to remove all the peanut butter schmutz. Is there anything quite as nasty as unloading the dishwasher and getting a glob of sanitized peanut butter on your hand?

                                                                1. re: AeroDoe

                                                                  LOL! Knife, fork, or spoon, I LICK the peanut butter off my spreader before I even set it down! I thought everybody did. It's in the Escoffier Hand Book! Page 135. '-)

                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                    haha i have to agree with caroline on that part at least.... my peanut butter spreader is clean before it even makes it to the sink

                                                                    1. re: mattstolz

                                                                      And that's just the way God intended. '-)

                                                                    2. re: Caroline1

                                                                      So is my ice cream bowl and I even know that most people don't bother to lick the bowl. I'm just smarter than most.

                                                                      1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                        Have you ever sat in a restaurant and wanted to lick a plate or a bowl or whatever, but because of where you were you just couldn't allow yourself to do it? It's a really miserable feeling. Hang ups! We all have hang ups!

                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                          thats when i normally employ the finger-swipe-when-no-one's-looking technique

                                                                          1. re: mattstolz

                                                                            why I keep a crust of bread handy during a savory course.

                                                                2. re: mamachef

                                                                  I was shocked when a friend who works at Smuckers told me of the concept but they are amazingly profitable.

                                                                  1. re: mamachef

                                                                    They have the Uncrustables where I work...FREE...It seems Everyone here thinks they are wonderful, I havent tried or been tempted till I saw them toasted in the toaster..looked interesting! May have to break down and try them!

                                                                    1. re: Deedine

                                                                      That could be nasty in a vertical toaster with a peanut butter leak. Yuk!

                                                                      1. re: Deedine

                                                                        Sounds like a spinoff of the pop tarts idea.

                                                                        The only time I had pop tarts as regular fare was on a winter backpacking trip in the California mountains. We had things like pop tarts, instant oatmeal, hot jello, peanut butter in a fill-it-yourself toothpaste tube, pilot bread, dried salami, and the relatively expensive freeze dried Mtn House entrees. Only pilot bread and salami are part of my regular car camping fare.

                                                                  2. re: mamachef

                                                                    I bought Batter Blasters for two co-workers as gag gifts/stocking stuffers for Christmas, and not to be left out, brought home a can for our house. My wife and both co-workers said it made incredible pancakes, for what it's worth.

                                                                    1. re: Big Bad Voodoo Lou

                                                                      Hey, it must be a decent product or it would already be remaindered, Lou. I wasn't referring to the product proper. It was the idea I found dumb, that manufacturers are constantly looking for one more way to convince you to buy something that you really do not need. As a cook, I find it easy to make a batter for pancakes although I realize that it's not the same for everybody. What I found dumb was that it seems like by putting it into a can (although that may be for preservation's sake?) turned it into a novelty-ish item. I like to have a relationship with the food I eat, as in, I'd rather chop broccoli than bow to the convenience of buying it chopped or frozen, and I'd rather drop pancakes onto the griddle from my own spoon, but that's just me and I surely didn't come here to argue.

                                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                                        The economy would collapse if manufacturers couldn't convince people to buy things they don't need.

                                                                        1. re: FoodPopulist

                                                                          Thanks for letting me know that. I'm pretty aware, though. : )

                                                                      2. re: Big Bad Voodoo Lou

                                                                        Okay, but here's the difference. For pancakes, I take a large "Big Gulp" style clean plastic cup, fill it about 1/4 full of AP flour, add about a tsp of baking powder, a quarter that amount of baking soda, a scant half tsp of salt, 2 tsp sugar (promotes browning) and stir it dry with a wire whisk to mix it all up. Then I add one lightly beaten egg and enough buttermilk to bring the total amount to about two or three inches below the top of the plastic cup, and a Tbsp of flavorless oil or melted butter and stir to almost blend. Don't get all of the lumps out! Pour it onto a heated grill or into a heated frying pan. Watch the pancakes and when bubbles break through to the top of the batter AND stay open, flip the pancakes and brown the other side. Serve with butter and syrup or whatever rings your chimes.

                                                                        Total cost of these pancakes? Well, the most expenisve ingredient is the single egg. And what goes into the trash as a direct result of making these pancakes? ONE biodegradable egg shell. And what is the cost of the pancakes in an aerosol can and what goes into the trash because of it? Comparitively the aerosol pancakes are VERY expensive and the aerosol can is not quite as biodegradeable as an egg shell. How much more time does it take to make my scratch pancakes? Takes me about three minutes, max.

                                                                        Edit: This "recipe" is for pancakes for one. The thickness of the pancakes is determined by the liquid to flour ratio; for thicker pancakes, more flour, for thinner, more liquid.

                                                                        Edit! Edit! By making my own batter, I can also do things like add bacon bits to the batter, or coconut, or blueberries or Milk Bones, if that's what I want in my pancakes. OR I can add 2 or three tablespoons more melted butter and make waffles. Can you do that with the aerosol pancakes? I didn't think so! '-)

                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                          ...and the Duchess tries to imitate Caroline's quick pancakes:

                                                                          Flour... ah, damn, did I use it up last time... ah there it is... no that's bran. Same as?
                                                                          Baking powder... sheesh how old is this stuff.. when was Hoover president anyways...
                                                                          Baking soda... ah I know where that is. No, wait, I made some green cleaning stuff with it last month. Damn.
                                                                          Sugar.. will daiquiri-rim-sugar work? Surely.
                                                                          Egg.. jeez how old are these? They kinda rattle when you shake.
                                                                          Buttermilk, buttermilk. Nope. I do see some eggnog in the back there. But it's March...

                                                                          Griddle griddle griddle.. hey you cats QUIT CLIMBING the DRAPES! Oooh what's on the TV? Oh, hi Cindy, glad you called WHY IS THE SMOKE ALARM GOING OFF?

                                                                          (For the record, I once brought home a can of BatterBlaster as a funny for my husband. The pancakes were reasonable, not super-light but flavorful, no weird chem taste like I'd expected. The silliness and rude noises it made were worth the one-time purchase, but I agree completely, not fiscally sensible.)

                                                                          1. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                            Funny...!

                                                                            And then there's always Bisquick. '-)

                                                                          2. re: Caroline1

                                                                            but mixing it in a cup takes so much longer than blasting it out of a can!

                                                                            (notsrs)

                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                What chemicals?
                                                                                http://www.batterblaster.com/products...

                                                                                That got me wondering whether you can make pancakes with a whipped cream dispenser (the ones that use nitrous oxide to produce a foam).

                                                                                http://www.creamright.co.uk/blog/?p=97

                                                                                Now I know what to put on my Christmas wish list.

                                                                                1. re: paulj

                                                                                  paulj wrote:
                                                                                  "What chemicals?
                                                                                  http://www.batterblaster.com/products..."

                                                                                  So how many containers of SODIUM LACTATE do you keep in your pantry? Gotcha!

                                                                                  Beyond salt, which is an amazing preservative (think King Tut!), I don't use any preservatives in my organic pancakes. And of course you can extrude pancake batter with a whipped cream dispenser, but why would you want to? It's a pretty yucky mess to clean out. Those molecular gastronomy guys have galley slaves to clean up their mess. I don't! PLUS my plastic cup doesn't require gas cartridges!!! '-)

                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                    Sodium lactate sounds almost as bad as the sodium acid pyrophosphate that I put in my pancakes. BB also lists dicalcium phosphate. I use monocalcium phosphate instead.

                                                                                    http://www.food-info.net/uk/e/e325.htm
                                                                                    sodium salt of lactic acid (which is produced by during fermentation).

                                                                                    1. re: paulj

                                                                                      Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww...! You mean you don't mind eating stuff "produced in large amounts in the large intestine by the resident bacteria"???? Double ewwwwwwwwwwww.....!!! And exactly how can bacteria excrement be "vegan"? Triple ewwwwwwwwwww....!!! '-)

                                                                                      1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                        Reminds me of the Korean soup that I had for lunch, with intestine and tripe. Both were still chewy, and intestine pieces still had some of their natural filling. :)

                                                                                        Apparently Applegate Farms, a major producer of organic bacon (i.e. celery salt kind) can't claim to be preservative free - they use sodium lactate to prevent the growth of bacteria in their bacon.
                                                                                        http://www.applegatefarms.com/resourc...

                                                                                        1. re: paulj

                                                                                          Tripe is one of the very few foods I just cannot stomach, if you'll pardon the pun. It's truly ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

                                                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                            This is where you open yourself up to answers like this: "Oh, but Caroline1, you just haven't had GOOD tripe!! You haven't had MY tripe!! If you had MY tripe, why I promise you you'd just LOVE it! Here!! Here's MY bible-length recipe for how to make that **** palatable!!"
                                                                                            Remember, it's for Your Own Good. Nobody here has An Agenda. : )
                                                                                            I can eat a good bowl of menudo, and I have to admit that by that I mean, one that doesn't taste of tripe. With a LOT of lime and cilantro, and many preceeding beers, since the hangover is the reason I'm out for menudo in the first place.
                                                                                            I feel about Durian the way you feel about tripe. It stinks and reeks and I wouldn't eat it with somebody else's mouth. But now I'm in line too - "Mamachef, here!! I want you to have this recipe for Durian.....pie!!"

                                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                                              oh dont be silly!!

                                                                                              durian makes way better ice cream than pie.

                                                                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                I've told this sad tale of my youth here before, but (I think) it's been a while... When I was an early-ish teenager my best friend's parent's owned a huge dairy. One day we were doing something we really shouldn't have been doing. We went into an enclosure with a couple of cows and their new calves. I was cuddling and hugging and petting one of the babies -- they are ADORABLE! -- and didn't notice Momma Cow strolling up to us. She thought I was adorable for loving her baby, so she reached over with her slimy saliva dripping alfala laden tongue and LICKED MY FACE, chin to forehead. I got cow saliva up my nose, in my eyes. It was TERRIBLE...!!! And I can guarantee one thing for you: Tripe tastes and smells just like cow spit! No, ma'am. I do NOT eat that stuff! No way, no how, no time! Not for me.

                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                  NOTHIN' beats getting back to nature, right? Oh yeah.

                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                    i can honestly say im glad the story came along with that assessment of tripe. people always claim things like that "it tastes like cow spit!" but i often wonder how they actually would know what cow spit tastes like, and doubt they do. but that is hilarious.

                                                                                                    1. re: mattstolz

                                                                                                      I always imagined cow spit tasted like chicken

                                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                                        really? i thought it would taste like espuma.

                                                                                                        1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                          The next item on the new wave: Nose-to-tail Molecular Gastronomy featuring Cow Saliva Foam.

                                                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                            thats only between the nose and the tail when the tongue is IN the mouth ;)

                                                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                              Oy- I'll never eat foam again. nEver. Or anything that looks like it.

                                                                                              2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                The large intestine is just another place that LACTIC ACID is produced. Commercial Sodium Lactate is not derived from intestinal lactic acid.

                                                                                                1. re: AeroDoe

                                                                                                  Dear Sir or Madame, as the case may be,

                                                                                                  You have not recieved a passing grade in culinary humor..Please try again.

                                                                                                  The Culinary Humor Police

                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                    I wasn't striving for humor. I just thought you didn't know the difference between lactic acid and a salt derived from it. Wasn't its appearance in a list of ingredients in an organic product what was being discussed?

                                                                                                    When you bring up intestinal processes on a site devoted to eating, you should probably try to be funny too. (Though I'd never be mean-spirited enough to give you a failing grade.)

                                                                                                    1. re: AeroDoe

                                                                                                      i think she meant you didnt get her humor....

                                                                                                      1. re: mattstolz

                                                                                                        Yup. That's what I meant. Sorry if I confused you, AeroDoe, and welcome to Chowhound! Stick around! :-)

                                                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                          No confusion. That was a set-up for a really fun response, but Matt stepped in it first so it won't work now. Alas!

                                                                                                          I confess, bathroom humor and the ilk hasn't made me laugh since I was 5, but I'm sure many people were rolling on the floor when you mentioned intestinal bacteria.

                                                                                                          Thanks for the warm welcome!

                                                                                                          1. re: AeroDoe

                                                                                                            gotta admit I didn't quite 'get' it at first yet knew there was a joke in there somewhere.

                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                              Yup. The joke was in reference to the last sentence in this excerpt from the link paulj offered:

                                                                                                              "Origin:
                                                                                                              Sodium salt of lactic acid (E270), a natural acid produced by bacteria in fermented foods. All fermented foods are very rich in lactic acid. Commercially produced by bacterial fermentation on starch and molasses. Also produced in large amounts in the large intestine by the resident bacteria." (http://www.food-info.net/uk/e/e325.htm

                                                                                                              )

                                                                                                              Don't feel bad. I don't think anyone got it! Sorry 'bout that. '-)

                                                                                              3. re: paulj

                                                                                                thats nothin. i drink gallons od dihydrogen monoxide each week. go through the stuff like its water or something.

                                                                                                1. re: mattstolz

                                                                                                  WC Fields would have been grateful to have you drink his share! '-)

                                                                                              4. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                Yeah, but then you miss out an all those fun WhipIts!

                                                                                                  1. re: paulj

                                                                                                    Lactated Ringer's Solution.
                                                                                                    Wow! Amazing how words can trigger thoughts.
                                                                                                    All I can think about now is Squad 51, Gage and DeSoto.

                                                                                                1. re: paulj

                                                                                                  oooh- have one of those somewhere. Now I need to find some nitrous oxide for a propellant, good luck after Demi Moore effed it all up for the homemade whipped cream aficionados.

                                                                                        2. re: mamachef

                                                                                          Just saw it in the cooler (near the eggs) at Whole Foods. Must be good, right?

                                                                                          But how's this different from using a nitrous oxide cream whipper to make a 30 second cup cake, as done on ICA?

                                                                                          1. re: paulj

                                                                                            Never said it wasn't good, Sporto. It was the idea and the packaging that kinda drove me nuts. I've heard it was good product, but it still drives me crazy to envision all these people splurting their pancakes from a can. And it's completely identical to whipped cream in a can, but I don't use that shit, and that's not what this thread is about. I don't knock people for what they choose to use, even if it is pressurized canned pancakes.

                                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                                              Well, sorry, but if you really want to get technically and logically dumb imho, I think those bags full of lettuce/spinach/arugula/mixed greens are a real sign of the times.
                                                                                              When did we all get so lazy that buying a head of lettuce, or whatever it is we want, couldn't be purchased, brought home and washed/dried and cut or broken up?
                                                                                              I've bought them and STILL come home and washed it.

                                                                                              1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                Convenience. Duh. Not everyone would like to buy any number of heads of differently lettuce variety if all they want is a mixed salad that day.

                                                                                                And don't get me started on the ridiculously massive trees of parsley in US supermarkets.

                                                                                                1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                  Well...
                                                                                                  Give me an acre out in the middle of nowhere where convenience mentalities are viewed as lazy and uncreative.
                                                                                                  I'll take it one step further and grow my own lettuce and wash the dirt off it.
                                                                                                  Those mounds of parsley make me cringe.

                                                                                                  1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                    Well.... aren't you lucky! I live in the boondocks, yet have no acre for growing my own, lettuce or otherwise. To deduct laziness and/or lack of creativity is a far stretch.

                                                                                                    1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                      I didn't say I live on an acre....I only wish I did so I could grow my own.
                                                                                                      I know at least a dozen people who are lazy AND lack creativity thus the convenience mentality...they serve their families some of the worst commercial, convenience crap imaginable.
                                                                                                      It's not a stretch at all.

                                                                                                      1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                        "I didn't say I live on an acre....I only wish I did so I could grow my own."

                                                                                                        Yeah, don't we all. Unfortunately, few people are privileged enough to grow their own food, grind their own coffee, bake their own bread, etc. etc.

                                                                                                        But to say that someone buying bagged salad mixes is lazy or lacking in creativity *is* a far stretch.

                                                                                                        I think it's a lazy example for "dumb food". YMMV.

                                                                                                        1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                          It's really interesting, in my opinion, the social norms that appear to have risen in the last several decades.
                                                                                                          My parents would never have been described as 'privileged', quite the contrary, yet they grew their own food, ground their own coffee, baked their own bread, etc. etc...
                                                                                                          Yet here you are, and you're not alone in this theory, stating it's the 'privileged' who are the lucky ones who get to grow their own, etc.
                                                                                                          BTW...how many people, if you actually gave them that one acre, would have the wherewithal or the desire or the ambition to do all the things you've mentioned?
                                                                                                          We are, and have become, for the most part a society of 'get it done quickly and efficiently' and our children will eventually pay the price....no matter how 'privileged/not privileged we are.

                                                                                                          1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                            It's not that the social norms have changed (they've been changing since the dawn of time, thank goodness, and will continue to do so -- the illusion of some Golden Age is just that), it's life's circumstances. Your parents may have done all of this for one reason or another, but let's not kid ourselves into thinking that anyone working 2-3 jobs and possibly raising children "on the side" wouldn't consider it a luxury to have ample time on their hands to grow their own precious salad, etc.

                                                                                                            Plus I know few people who are actually good at gardening or farming. It's not everyone's cup o'tea, and it neither means that they're lazy, un-creative nor spoiled.

                                                                                                            It's a reality.

                                                                                                            1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                              Truth is....

                                                                                                              We all make choices and that also goes for working 2-3 jobs.
                                                                                                              Life's just a serious of choices.
                                                                                                              It's a reality.

                                                                                                              1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                                Yep, sure is. Serious choices all around.

                                                                                                                1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                                  Two different perspectives and, obviously, two difference life experiences.

                                                                                                                  I like fresh produce, seafood, meat, etc...
                                                                                                                  I'd rather market daily, in small amounts, than purchase otherwise.
                                                                                                                  That's my choice.

                                                                                                              2. re: linguafood

                                                                                                                Actually, there's an important factor inolved here that no one has yet taken into consideration. My house sits on 3/4s of an acre in a lovely "horsey" area of Plano, Texas. You would think I have lots of room to grow my own vegetables if I want to. Fact is there is no way in hell I would grow anything to eat in my yard! This house was built in 1975, and every inch of the yard has been treated with pesticies and other chemicals since the first owner moved in. This is a relatively new problem in the world today. It's one of the things that "pinches" grass fed cattlemen when it comes to finding appropriate land for their cattle to graze. As a kid groing up, we were an "extended nuclear family" of three generations living in a lovely century old Victorian house that sat on seven acres, none of which had ever been sprayed with chemicals and "organic fertilizers" (steer or horse manure) was the "Miracle Grow" of the day. During World War II, we bought very little in the way of edibles beyond flour and sugar and the occasional loaf of bread, because my grandfather grew it AND we had fruit trees in our yard and a citrus grove across the street. ALL "organic" because back then there was NO OTHER WAY! From MY perspective, the world has NOT changed "for the better."

                                                                                                                If people are smart, in today's world growing your own vegetables or anything else in your own yard may or may not be a wise thing to do.

                                                                                                                Just felt somebody had to mention this...! '-)

                                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                  Certainly demography has alot to do with what I'm stating...
                                                                                                                  Not everyone can farm, not everyone can build a restaurant and serve food, unless they have millions to spend on EPA requirements to eradicate a problem....
                                                                                                                  However it's not an entirely filthy planet we live on.
                                                                                                                  I grow citrus trees on my small lot and have no problem eating the oranges, grapefruits and lemons.

                                                                                                                  1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                                    Well, when I started this thread I was thiking of things like aerosol pancakes and gold spray paint for food and frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as "Really Dumb Food" and not whether people should or should not grow their own vegetables and such. This kind of discussion is taking the fun out of it.

                                                                                                                  2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                    Raised beds with plenty of bunny poo do WONDERS for that issue... :) AND you get worms to fry up as a bonus! :) :) :)

                                                                                                                    1. re: meatrabbits4all

                                                                                                                      Well, you could have a point... There was a time when I harvested and the family ate (kids too!) our own home grown snails regularly. They were fannnnntastic!

                                                                                                                      1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                        I have heard good big worms are great sauteed in garlic butter. though I think I'd keep them in dark damp towels and lettuce for a few days first.

                                                                                                                        1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                          A plastic dishpan half filled with cornmeal with a wire screen and brick on top of it worked very well for cleansing my snails. It's been a while, but I think three or four days did it. Should work for worms as well. Happy eating!

                                                                                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                            timing sounds right, but worms don't have the shells snails do, so I wonder about the weight issue.

                                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                              Don't see why that would be a problem. Corn meal is lighter than dirt. You don't bury them. You let them bury themselves! They know what they're doing even when we don't. '-)

                                                                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                yes, but you mentioned use of a brick...

                                                                                                                                I only use those when (ahh I'm going to abandon that part)

                                                                                                                                snails have shells - no crushy. cornmeal does sound appropriate. finding others willing to try is a different question.

                                                                                                                                1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                  The corn meal went into the plastic dish pan. The snails went on top of the corn meal. The screen went on top of the dishpan to keep the snails from crawling out. The brick went on top of the screen to make sure the snails couldn't push the screen off the dishpan and make their grand escape into my house....! Do you have any idea how hard it is to follow trails off snail slime across a shag carpet????

                                                                                                                            2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                              One of the Travel Channel guys visited a snail caviar 'farm'.

                                                                                                          2. re: latindancer

                                                                                                            Linguafood and latindancer: I love those huge mounds of Italian parsley and buy them frequently! I get annoyed when the parsley bunches in the supermarket shrink to 1/3 their normal size for seemingly no reason.

                                                                                                            1. re: woodleyparkhound

                                                                                                              I guess I'm just used to smaller amounts *in general* from the supermarkets in Europe. I have no use for forests of herbs.

                                                                                                              I LOVE the salad mixes with all kinds of micro greens and a nice variety of leaf lettuces and sprouts, etc. -- without having to buy a head of lettuce each or grow my own patch. But I'm pretty lazy like that '-P

                                                                                                              1. re: woodleyparkhound

                                                                                                                I couldn't make tabouli without them...!!! '-)

                                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                  That's about the only example I can come up with where an abundance of parsley would be needed.

                                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                    I couldn't make anything without them either...
                                                                                                                    But not in the bag...
                                                                                                                    I buy them, by bulk, in either my local market or my weekly farmer's market

                                                                                                                    1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                                      What, you don't grow your own? '-)

                                                                                                                      I've never seen parsley in a bag, but I have no idea what bloody difference that would make.

                                                                                                                      1. re: linguafood

                                                                                                                        Nope...I don't grow my own.
                                                                                                                        Remember, I don't have that acre of land?
                                                                                                                        It's why I visit my local farmer's market.

                                                                                                              2. re: linguafood

                                                                                                                I used to do that and ended up with way too many greens to use up half the time. I prefer to mix them like I did in the old days but sometimes I get impatient. And lazy.

                                                                                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                  I hope I don't appear sorry...

                                                                                                                  I love to cook, love fresh ingredients and am willing to go the extra mile to buy them for me, my family and friends.
                                                                                                                  It's just the way I was raised and hope to bring it into the next generation that follows me. So far I'm doing well with it.
                                                                                                                  Convenience is fine for those who think they need it...perhaps they do in their world. I suppose I was a little hasty in my judgment of those who don't/won't consider other alternatives. Raising and feeding small children is a really awesome responsibility. I can't imagine a mother/father not taking the time (what is it, 60 seconds) to make a peanut and butter sandwich for their child. Instead they resort to a frozen pre made, wrapped in plastic, PB&J?
                                                                                                                  Wow....it's mindboggling.

                                                                                                                2. re: latindancer

                                                                                                                  I have zero idea why this is to me? Were you aiming for the OP?
                                                                                                                  I've used those bagged products. Not the lettuce, because since it's treated it has a chemical taste and artificial crispness that I don't care for, but the spinach product, and had no problem with it and was kinda happy that I saved 10 minutes washing all that nice healthy spinach, which gave me time to go have a nice unhealthy smoke. ; )

                                                                                                                  1. re: latindancer

                                                                                                                    the grocery stores i normally shop at actually dont even SELL spinach outside those stupid bags. makes me angry

                                                                                                                    1. re: mattstolz

                                                                                                                      You mean spinach .... doesn't grow in the bag?

                                                                                                                      1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                        and looking forward, Hank knew:

                                                                                                                        My life will never be the same again.

                                                                                                                        1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                          There's a market niche for an enterpreneur...

                                                                                                                3. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                  "Blorp" is my new favorite word, and well on its way to being my new favorite thing to do.

                                                                                                                  1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                    LOL- if I ever see it I have to buy it!

                                                                                                                    1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                      Really liking the word "blorp" fits perfectly

                                                                                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                        Confession: I bought a can of Batter Blaster once. My picky son saw it and asked me to get it, so I did. (I guess I was thinking, "Food!! Yeah, he's finally interested in EATING!").

                                                                                                                        It was truly horrible: sweet, gummy, dense, greasy, everything that a really bad pancake can be. I ended up making my own pancakes. (We were out of house slippers.)

                                                                                                                        1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                                          Isolda, we all make culinary missteps. And sometimes the whining of a child is the best inspiration. Case in point: that horribleawfulnasty peanut butter/jelly blend that I caved on and then got the munchies and ate. (Danger, Will Robinson!!)
                                                                                                                          Dearfoams actually taste much, much nicer.

                                                                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                            I did convince my Mum to buy Tang once. It was what the astronauts drank! This was just after the second moon landing I think (dang I'm getting old). I discovered it was awful. It did make me have second thoughts about whining for certain foods though.

                                                                                                                        1. re: redfish62

                                                                                                                          Frozen "peanut butter sandwiches" are the most ridiculous thing I've encountered.

                                                                                                                          1. re: redfish62

                                                                                                                            Who thought of that?!!! the hot dog bun stays soft and "fresh" for over a year!.. and you even get a piece of Laffy Taffy in with it. Get outta the way of the stampede.

                                                                                                                          2. My idea of dumb food runs more to the 'who the heck would pay for that?' variety in the grocery stores, with it usually being some outrageously priced convenience item, and then I see it in shopper's carts.

                                                                                                                            Expensive basic ingredients I'm okay with, such as a $4 or $5 loaf of bread when I want hearth-style sourdough from an out of my way artisan baker downtown, but it would take an Act of God to get me to buy a bag of those frozen veggies you can steam in the same plastic bag it's packaged in. That just has spendthrift written all over it in my mind, but then I don't have a limited amount of time to get food on the table for four hungry mouths after commuting an hour each way and working all day. So in the end, I understand the compromise some people choose in order to feed those they love seven nights a week.

                                                                                                                            Central kitchen prepped baked goods finished in those in-house bakeries in grocery stores just breaks my heart, and also goes into my dumb food category. I can't help but think about all those good local bakeries those abominations have put out of business. Although I did buy a baguette at Fred Meyer yesterday, because it was on sale for 99¢ and freshly "baked". I know, makes no sense, but at least it was halfway decent and very fresh tasting, despite being of suspect provenance. I felt like such a sell-out during check-out that I had to go through the self-checkout line, even though I'm sure it would have been nothing more than another item to run across the scanner to any cashier.

                                                                                                                            Sometimes I imagine myself lying on a psychiatrist's couch with my first words being, "I have issues with baguettes," then hearing a guffaw from the other side of the room. :)

                                                                                                                            9 Replies
                                                                                                                            1. re: RelishPDX

                                                                                                                              Relish - I too have anxiety at the checkout and try to bury the 'dumb' food between the 'real' stuff or at least put it first so it goes in the bag fast and the person behind me only sees the raw spinach etc.

                                                                                                                              1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                Ooooh, as a single mom, I used to "bury" the most conspicuously kid-oriented items between sexy single lady food. My local Petrini's had a Single's Night, and since babysitters came dear, I'd go with a girlfriend and just sandwich in my regular shopping. Popsicles and graham crackers, hidden right between a box of wine (real sexy, huh?) and a head of Romaine.
                                                                                                                                I'd forgotten all about that, and it was not where I found my future husband. : )

                                                                                                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                  aww Petrini's, I do know of what you speak - forerunner of good grocers like Andronico's

                                                                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                    Yes indeedy. It was a revelation, wasn't it?

                                                                                                                                  2. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                    your grocery store had a singles night?? i need a store like that.

                                                                                                                                    as for central prepped but baked-in-house breads... i dont really see that as an issue... since most of the breads i make at home and enjoy best rise for a long period of time in the fridge anyways.... i figure thats not much different than sitting in a refridgerated truck for a couple hours right?

                                                                                                                                    1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                      Oh hill food, I totally do this too. It's ridiculous really, but I can't help myself.

                                                                                                                                    2. re: RelishPDX

                                                                                                                                      Relish, I pay $1.50 for a loaf of freshly baked Italian bread, still hot from the oven at my local bakery. Worth every penny, then again, I have a Carb problem...

                                                                                                                                      1. Overpaying for coffee in a plastic cup at a place with barristas and without waiters (i.e real service) is dumb.

                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                        1. re: Wawsanham

                                                                                                                                          is it ok if its a recycled paper cup?

                                                                                                                                        2. I thought $15000 for a 17 oz bottle of olive oil was pretty dumb. By the way, I'm not missing a decimal point or anything. It's fifteen thousand dollars.

                                                                                                                                          http://www.smartmoney.com/spend/dumbm...

                                                                                                                                          5 Replies
                                                                                                                                          1. re: roundfigure

                                                                                                                                            Amazing. More money than sense, I'm guessing. Fifteen hundred would make me think they're dilettantes and noobs and all sorts of things, but 15K? Holy cow.

                                                                                                                                            1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                              As the saying goes, "A fool and his money are soon parted." Then, from that website comes this comment: "This is for very special people," says a spokesperson. I think we know what kind of people he's talking about.

                                                                                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                one per....shutuupshutupshutupmamathisisn'ttheplace...

                                                                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                  Special- I'm thinking in a challenged kind of way.

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                    challenged yes, but not in the context "special" is normally used. the folks who carry that label have better sense.

                                                                                                                                            2. C1 - I did see that a short while ago. I dunno, it sounds like an everyday thing to me...

                                                                                                                                              I can see myself in an OCD spiral deciding I need NEED to have silver asparagus (although I imagine Miss Manners might have questions - "your guests may be tempted to wonder which are the tongs and which the stalk")

                                                                                                                                              but the idea is perverse enough to be tempting.

                                                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                                                              1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                Yes, but for asparagus you have to get CHROME! Gotta make a spear look like a spear, don'tcha know?

                                                                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                  well if they were to come out with a mirror finish...

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                    That's the only way I like it, with a side of turpentine for bright n shiny dipping sauce. Yummo!

                                                                                                                                                2. Spepper - a Salt and Pepper Seasoning Mix. This ingenious revolutionary culinary miracle was even highlighted on the Food Network's "Unwrapped" which revealed how this unique and original seasoning blend was created from salt and. .......... .wait for it. ............. . .pepper! (OK, there was probably some silica dioxide to keep it from clumping but that just means it was salt, pepper, and sand.)

                                                                                                                                                  8 Replies
                                                                                                                                                  1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                    They could have a top seller if they make their brand name, "Beach Party Seasoning."

                                                                                                                                                    1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                      I remember seeing peanut butter and jelly in the same jar when I was a kid. And I remember thinking, why? Don't you want to control the PB to J ratio?

                                                                                                                                                      1. re: iluvcookies

                                                                                                                                                        I recall being in a grocery store (did they have "supermarkets" back then?" with a girlfriend and seeing it for the first time. We both stopped and looked at it, probably even picked up a jar. Peanut butter and grape jelly. I commented on how dumb I thought it was. She laughed and said, "Yeah, but it could save a lot of fighting about somebody leaving jelly in the peanut butter jar!" Then I remembered asking my mother for my very own jar of peanut butter because my little brother ALWAYS did that! Do they still make that stuff?

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                          Yup! Smucker's Goober brand is available in grape or strawberry. Even chocolate!

                                                                                                                                                          http://www.smuckers.com/products/cate...

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: RelishPDX

                                                                                                                                                            LOL! Thanks! Brought to us by the good folks who make "Uncrustables." I''m gonna hold out for peanut butter and apricot jam. '-)

                                                                                                                                                          2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                            Yes ma'am they do. Relish's answer is much more complete, but I did so just want to get right on in here to say that, at my local dented-can store, I saw a type of this that wasn't only packed together in a striated mess, it was packed into a squeeze bottle.

                                                                                                                                                            Yep.

                                                                                                                                                            It gets worse.

                                                                                                                                                            There was purple and tan, so I assumed grape. There was red and tan, so I assumed strawberry. And there was violent, bright opaque green and tan and I assumed....WTF jalapeno jelly? Snot? That Slime crap from Nickelodeon?

                                                                                                                                                            I have no idea because that stuff hurt my eyes and made me mad........until I remembered how my #1 son begged, and begged, and begged and pleaded for it when he was maybe 6. And his eyes got real wide and he got so happy when I pulled it out of the grocery bag.......his fondest hope, dream and wish had been granted!! Oh Happy DAY!

                                                                                                                                                            So thank you, again, for a sweet memory. : )
                                                                                                                                                            I am just loving this thread.

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                              At least one of the Nutella clones comes in black and white versions, Duo Penotti.
                                                                                                                                                              http://www.penotti.nl/en/duo-penotti/...

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                Oh my god, MORE sin in a jar! I'm a hazlenut junkie, and you share this? I'm in trouble....

                                                                                                                                                                Thank you.

                                                                                                                                                        2. I know that it's become a commonplace grocery item, but I've always thought that instant oatmeal packets are dumb. Quick oats are already instant! Throw some cinnamon on it, and you' ve got flavoured oatmeal at a fraction of the cost.

                                                                                                                                                          I think that the invention of the instant oatmeal packets was probably the most brilliant thing that Quaker ever came up with, and they've been laughing all the way to the bank ever since.

                                                                                                                                                          7 Replies
                                                                                                                                                          1. re: BrightRedMud

                                                                                                                                                            Quick oats and instant are different. Instant is just that, add boiling water, ta-da. Quick oats takes 5 minutes to cook.

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: wyogal

                                                                                                                                                              I know that quick oats and instant oats are different. (My bag of quick oats gives directions to cook for 3 minutes rather than 5 though.)

                                                                                                                                                              But I was making the point that 3 minutes is, for all intents and purposes, instant. I guess I didn't make myself clear. It was meant as a bit of a joke; that we can't spare 3 minutes, so we need to pay a huge premium to save ourselves that time.

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: BrightRedMud

                                                                                                                                                                I guess your statement, "Quick oats are already instant!" threw me off.

                                                                                                                                                                I can see that the bags of instant are nice for those that take them to an office where there are water dispensers for hot and cold water. Can't really do that with the quick variety, unless you want to soak it a bit, then it will be cooled down by the time you want to eat it. I see them as handy for those that take them out of the home, to another place, traveling or school/office situations.

                                                                                                                                                                1. re: wyogal

                                                                                                                                                                  Yes, I guess they would be good for travelling. I was only thinking of home use.

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: BrightRedMud

                                                                                                                                                                    ive made quick oats in my hotels coffee maker before. its easiest if you have a pot-style coffee maker with a warming function, but even the ones that just heat up some water and dump it in a cup can get enough heat going to make instant OR quick oats.

                                                                                                                                                                    also, both quick (old fashioned) oats and instant oats can happen in a microwave. the difference is literally like 30 seconds.

                                                                                                                                                                    but i think the main difference in the packets is youre paying an extra dollar for 8 servings vs 30, so that quaker can add some maple and brown sugar for you, instead of just doing it yourself.

                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: wyogal

                                                                                                                                                                    Yep. Instant oatmeal packets + hotel room coffee maker = not having to spend $$$$ on breakfast on vacation. The flavour isn't perfect but our family probably saved an easy $100 buck on a family vacation a couple weeks ago by doing this.

                                                                                                                                                              2. re: BrightRedMud

                                                                                                                                                                Instant oats allowed us 7 year olds to make our own oatmeal in the morning. Something my Mom probably appreciated given that she was NOT a morning person.

                                                                                                                                                              3. another dumb food? . . .P.J. squares. Yes, folks, individually wrapped slices of peanut butter and jelly. . .for those days using a knife is just too inconvenient.

                                                                                                                                                                1. And, alas, one more dumb food. . . (I like this thread!)

                                                                                                                                                                  Directly from the manufacturer themselves: "Grāpple® Brand Apples - The Washington Apple that looks like an apple and tastes like a grape!"

                                                                                                                                                                  Grāpple® brand apples begin either as Washington Extra Fancy Gala or Fuji Apples, depending upon the season. These "premium apples" are the ones that take on the grape flavor best. This Patented Process is complex and the ingredient mix primarily includes concentrated grape flavor and pure water (USPP #7,824,723). All ingredients are USDA and FDA approved and the process has been licensed by the Washington State Department of Agriculture.
                                                                                                                                                                  There is nothing but flavor being infused into the apple. A relaxing bathing process prepares our apples for you or your kids. The apple takes on no additional sugars or calories. They are not genetically altered in any way. The apple is as healthy as ever but now has the new exciting grape flavor.

                                                                                                                                                                  14 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                    Ah, I tried those (why do I have to try every crappy novelty? why?). Weirdly too-grape-juicy flavor. A shameful way to treat a nice apple.

                                                                                                                                                                    I do like the language evoking an apple bathing languidly in a candle-lit, rose-petal-strewn grape juice bath. All apples should have something like that. Except contemporary Red Delicious apples, bah!

                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                      You KNOW you're getting old when you can remember Red Delicious apples when they were!

                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                        Oh, Caroline1, you just brought back such a memory. My dad was very ill when I was growing up, and when we went to go visit him in hospital, we had to travel several hours. On the way to The City (the ONLY city, silly - SF!) on the curvy, kill-me-now curves heading into Boonville, there was a farmstand, Gowan's Apple Tree. It's still there. Dilapidated and funky; weathered silver boards, old fruit crate prints with peeling taped edges...and the most beautiful Fall apple haul you ever saw. We'd stop there, every single trip, and mom would produce shop but the treat was that each of us kids was allowed to choose a piece of fruit to eat in the car on the way there. In Summer it was always a tomato for me, and yes, they had salt. But in Fall? A Red Delicious apple. Oh, man I can remember the perfume, fruity and flowery and intense, as I brought it to my mouth. The anticipation of biting into it; feeling the skin depress, crack and then give as I bit into the snowy-white, crispy-sweet apple. The smell was nothing compared to the taste, which was like apple-smell on steroids. The juice running down my throat, the crunchy give and flavor of the flesh....I will never forget. Thanks for the memory.
                                                                                                                                                                        (I picked Red Delicious because the colors enchanted me......the reds, the russets and roses and oxbloods...)

                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                          GREAT memory...! Unlless you own your own tree, I don't think you can buy such an apple in American food stores today. And I have eaten Red Delicious that were exactly as you describe. Wanna go in halvsies for a ticket on the first Time Travel Bus, then one of us can go back and come back with Red Delicious apples for both of us...? :-)

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                            Dealio. I have a feeling you'd be a most excellent travel companion. But, we can't tell the other Chowhounds because according to the thread "What food do you love that isn't made anymore" we'd have a Bible-length shopping list and NEVER get home to enjoy our bounty!!
                                                                                                                                                                            Thank the gods, apples taste like apples again because of the folk who thought people should eat a Mutsu Apple at least once in their lives and tended long-lost varietals. And some in the store are really good too.

                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                              Apples... One weekend, when we were living in Greece, we were off on a sightseeing jaunt across the Peloponnesus. We were in an isolated mountainous area, then came down into a long flat plane and out in the middle of nowhere (literally!) there was an old man standing at the side of the road holding out apples. Strange looking character in rumpled clothes, a worn military overcoat and wearing (really!) what looked like a World War I "Sopwith Camel" leather pilot's helmet with goggles and ear flaps and the whole 9 yards. He had a gunny sack full of apples sitting on the ground next to him. I yelled, "STOP!" at my husband and he backed up. I rolled down my window and asked the old man if he spoke English. He did! How much did he want for two apples. I paid him. He handed me three apples. We chatted. He had learned English when he lived in Chicago forty years prior. As we were about to pull away, he asked for an American cigarette. (I still smoked but I don't any more!) I felt generous and gave him my newly opened pack. He forced about a dozen more apples on me! THOSE apples are the greatest apples I have ever tasted in my entire life! They were a green apple, tree ripened, and so sugar laden it was oozing out of the skin. They were sticky! And for the ONLY time in my life, every single one of those apples tasted identically great. Amazing.

                                                                                                                                                                              When we got home to Vartholomeo, I asked our landlord and all of our Greek friends if they had any idea what kind of apples those were. I showed them the apples and even gave them slices of them. No one had any idea what kind of apple they were, nor had they ever seen them or tasted them before. I even took one of them to the produce market on Thursday, when they always had lettuce special ordered for me. None of the vendors I talked to in the produce market knew what kind of apples they were either...

                                                                                                                                                                              One of my magic Greek moments! And now you can turn off the Twilight Zone theme.... But them was some apples....!!!

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                THAT is a wonderfully-written memory, Caroline. You are so lucky!! And I'm sitting here drooling over the apple description. I'm going to find me an apple, and then I'm going to go to bed later tonight and dream of pie.
                                                                                                                                                                                Just wonderful. And how mysterious!!

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                  Love all this talk of apples and the apple tales. They're so elemental, aren't they? Probably the second fruit most kiddos get (bananas first I bet). I soooo miss those crunchy Delicious apples from back then.

                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                            Mamachef, thank you for sharing your apple fairy tale. Very occasionally, I still bite into a Pink Lady that strikes me with its floral perfume, but only when I am lucky.

                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: vil

                                                                                                                                                                              Just one word:

                                                                                                                                                                              Honeycrisp.

                                                                                                                                                                              Picked right (when tapped next to your ear, the sound should be clear, crisp...you know! And the idiot who puts fingernails through the skin should be shot on sight.), these are THE BEST apples I think I've ever had. Absolutely incredibly crunchy with juice to wet your shirt that is so good you might suck on your shirt to get it all....A grower friend (sadly not close enough to pull a raid) says to also look for the intensity of yellow in the skin for best flavor; I like my method better, I think.

                                                                                                                                                                              But all year I hold back a little cash, just waiting for that first sign in the store: HONEYCRISP. And then I go nuts. I buy and eat ten pounds at a time and go back every couple of days for more. I put not-quite-ripes into the plastic produce bags and let them sit in the dark for 2-3 days and then OMG yum.... NEVER refrigerate these apples. Season is relatively short despite the fact that they store well.

                                                                                                                                                                              Now...heirloom apples are so awesome, it's fantastic to get the chance to buy a real assortment and then sample your little heart out...like I plan to do this next season. Maybe I'll find yet another apple I can't live without! :)

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: meatrabbits4all

                                                                                                                                                                                If you ever see 'Black Twig' apples, give them a try. They are my favorite apple, hands down. But they aren't as sweet as Honeycrisps, I'll warn you. But they are everything an apple should be!

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: meatrabbits4all

                                                                                                                                                                                  Honeycrisps are indeed very good....even better are Ambrosias...we find these rarely, but they are amazing!

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: meatrabbits4all

                                                                                                                                                                                    My 7 year old complains when I buy non- honeycrisp. And there are no more until next fall :(

                                                                                                                                                                                    I am lucky to live near one of the major growing areas for these perfect apples

                                                                                                                                                                          3. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                            Now I'm curious. I want to try that too.

                                                                                                                                                                          4. Frozen Toast. . .just remove from freezer and toast. . .voila! instant toast. . . in more time than it takes to toast regular bread!

                                                                                                                                                                            6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                              Seriously?! If there's a prize I think you've just won :)

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                It would be better if the frozen bread was pre-toasted, and all you had to do is pop it in the microwave ... maybe I'll invent that "MIcrowave Toast" ... could make me millions

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                  I don't know if if they're still around any more, but during that era of American history when everyone was encouraged to have their own nuclear bomb shelter, gag shops used to sell empty cans marked "Instant Water." The directions said, "Open can and add water."

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                    I manufacture my own Frozen Toaster-Ready Toast at home. A.k.a. sliced bread stored in a Ziploc bag.

                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: vil

                                                                                                                                                                                      I do the same thing. Think we could market and sell it?

                                                                                                                                                                                  2. Pringles are just an abomination. A concept that needs to go away.

                                                                                                                                                                                    3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: arktos

                                                                                                                                                                                      "Pringles are just an abomination"
                                                                                                                                                                                      Put up your dukes Arktos, those are fighting words.
                                                                                                                                                                                      Go ahead and burn me at the stake for eating them...just build the fire out of loaded baked potato Pringles. Mmmm.

                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Samalicious

                                                                                                                                                                                        My daughter says that when the Zombies attack, she's gonna hang out and watch them destroy the world while she eats Pringles and drinks Pepsi, both of which she's busily couponing for so she can hoard them in her "stockpile" in the garage.

                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Here's one:

                                                                                                                                                                                      "Recipe Inspirations" from McCormick Spice. Overpackaged bits of separated spices plus a recipe. I guess it might be useful for a beginner? $1.99 on their website for pennies-worth of spices.

                                                                                                                                                                                      http://www.mccormick.com/Products/Rec...

                                                                                                                                                                                      16 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                                        OMG, Duchess. I saw that the other night and it PI$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ED ME OFF!! Another example of marketing genius.

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                                          That's the one that stopped me dead in my tracks in the aisle. People really need to pay a premium for somebody else to combine oregano, rosemary and thyme?

                                                                                                                                                                                          I fortunately live close to a Penzey's. (And thanks to our incredibly mild winter this year, not only did my rosemary produce all winter, so did my parsley and oregano! And yes, I combine them without any help from McCormick ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: gaffk

                                                                                                                                                                                            Sounds like Penzey's Italian herb mix
                                                                                                                                                                                            http://www.penzeys.com/cgi-bin/penzey...
                                                                                                                                                                                            "Hand-mixed from: Turkish oregano, basil, marjoram, thyme and cracked rosemary."
                                                                                                                                                                                            What premium does Penzey's charge for hand mixing them?

                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                              I don't generally buy the Penzey's blends, just the single spices, extracts, etc. But I doubt their markup approaches that of the teensy individual McCormick "Inspirations."

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: gaffk

                                                                                                                                                                                                It's common knowledge that the markup on McCormick spice bottles in the grocery is high. But what's new about that? The price of peppercorns in medieval Europe was astronomical compared to prices in the Spice Islands. With most spices and herbs, handling and distribution are a big part of the cost.

                                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: gaffk

                                                                                                                                                                                              As I know a fair number of people (adults in their 30s-40s) who literally don't know how to make anything beyond simple reheating, I think these spice packets can actually give apprehensive beginner cooks some knowledge of and familiarity with common spices without too much trial and error.

                                                                                                                                                                                              I would hope that they'd move on to at least being able to measure out for themselves from a larger container, though.

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: guilty

                                                                                                                                                                                                I actually got a preview of those packets before they hit the market. To be honest, while I have hundreds of dollars of Penzey's spices floating around my kitchen I did understand the point to the Recipe Inspirations line. They have 2 really good uses at a minimum.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Use A. you're vacationing somewhere with a kitchen, say a beach house or one of those residence hotels and you decide you want to eat something that you didn't pack your spices for. You don't really want to buy full bottles and lug them home either - well now you can grab a packet and make whatever you wanted.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Use B. This is the far more likely one. You've never cooked a particular dish before and do not own all of the spices you'll need to make it. You're also not sure if your family will like the dish and want to eat it again. Buy the card, make the dish, decide. If you dislike it you're only out the price of the card which was less then a single bottle of spices. If you do like it, you now own the recipe card and you can then buy bottles of all of the spices that you didn't already own and now need. This is not necessarily a dumb idea. It would be a dumb idea if you bought the cards over and over.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Frankly, I'm a rather good cook. My recipes have been featured in Penzey's cooking magazine and catalog, and I've won a few contests in my day. You know what, I would definately consider buying those spice cards when I'm on vacation vs packing the entire kit. I would also consider buying them if the recipe contained 2 or more spices I don't already own (less likely, but possible). At least the people using them are cooking.

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Ariadanz

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Both of the reasons you listed make perfect sense. I only wonder if there are enough people out there who would buy them often enough for it to make sense for grocery stores to dedicate shelf space to them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I won't get involved in the pissing match going on up-thread, but the convenience factor can't be overlooked either. Following this thread plus my efforts to learn some new cuisines lately has given me an enormous amount of respect for households with two working parents and kids to feed. In fact, I'd even alter my post from the other day as my perspective has changed.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Getting home at 5:30-6:00pm every night, plus having to plan meals and shop, tote the kids around to doctor appointments, dance/music lessons, out for clothes shopping, helping with homework, etc., PLUS trying to live your own life, and find time for your spouse/partner, must take a lot out of a person. I'm single and barely keep up, though I do indulge myself with cooking from scratch a lot, which zaps the time away.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I'm beginning to believe that almost anything reasonable that can help cut a corner here or there must be viewed by some as a godsend, even if it's something so simple as not having to find and measure all of the spices for a dish you may know by heart. I've got a couple of dozen or more spice bottles split between 5 trays in the cupboard, but even I'm stopped in my tracks sometimes trying to find a little bottle of something. (Which tray was the ground allspice in was tonight's dilemma, that had me going through each tray twice since I missed it the first time.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: RelishPDX

                                                                                                                                                                                                    You could go to CostPlusWorldMarket and Masala Dabba for each cuisine that you dabble in. Masala Dabba are the boxes (now usually stainless steel) with compartments or small cans that can hold a set of commonly used spices. Marketers have extended that idea to prepack these with spices - one with common Indian spices, another with Mexican, another with North African.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Here's a whole page different spice kits:
                                                                                                                                                                                                    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=bl_sr_gro...

                                                                                                                                                                                                    But there is nothing new about sampler kits (e.g. CC tea bag sampler to give to grandma at Christmas).

                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: Ariadanz

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Update: At my local Albertson's today, the McCormick's seasoning cards were on the clearance rack for 99¢ each. Looks like it didn't catch on.

                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                                                Wick Fowler's 2 Alarm Kit Chili Mix has been around for years. The packaging isn't as fancy as McCormicks, but the idea is similar.
                                                                                                                                                                                                "7 Packets. Contains: salt, onion/garlic, chili pepper, cayenne pepper, cumin/oregano, paprika, masa"

                                                                                                                                                                                                For someone who wants to move away from typical midwestern chili to the Texas bowl-of-red it's a nice transitional step.

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I will admit that I like Carroll Shelby's chili mix. I do use fresh veggies and 3 kinds of meat when I make it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  (I'm disgraced)

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Kelli2006

                                                                                                                                                                                                    I've used that mix and liked it fine. No shame in your game, or mine!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I used to use Shelby's a lot, when I could find it. Made a good pot of chili.

                                                                                                                                                                                                2. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I just saw those in the supermarket yesterday, and I also stopped in my tracks and went, "What the.....?" Glad I'm not the only one!

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: DuchessNukem

                                                                                                                                                                                                    For those of us without a spice rack, it's well worth the price. I use that many spices maybe once in ten years (I live on curry and dill thank you), so it is worth two bucks or so to have just enough to do the trick when I want something more complex.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. Here's some bread in a can that is "Classical whole-grain bread without crust. Ready-sliced, without preservatives. Ring-pull closure for easy opening without can opener. Includes resealable plastic lid."

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Granted, it's manufactured and sold by "Trek'n Treat - Food for your outdoor life" so I can see their market. What I don't understand is why anyone in their market would you take heavy cans of food trekking?

                                                                                                                                                                                                    http://www.trekneat.com/en/trekn-eat-...

                                                                                                                                                                                                    P.S. I guess they quit making their infamous "Cheeseburger in a can" since there was so much online ridicule.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    9 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                                      It's the Aussies in the outback. Hauling weighty canned things is no fun, but having no power to chill things is even worse. They have canned everything out there, I believe. Maybe it's nostalgic by now.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                                        If your Treking is backpacking you don't want cans. But there are other expeditions where weight does not matter so much, but being shelf-stable does. For example boating. Notice the news item about a solo row across the Atlantic.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Would you like some canned butter (from New Zealand) to go with that bread?
                                                                                                                                                                                                        http://www.amazon.com/Cans-Feather-Cr...

                                                                                                                                                                                                        How about the classic New England brown bread - now only sold (in most places) in the can (e.g. B&M Brown Bread)?

                                                                                                                                                                                                        When car camping I use a lot of prepackaged (including canned) items that I normally don't use at home. I even placed an order with http://minimus.biz/ at one time. Still have some leftover single serve vinegar and soy sauce packages.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                          I remember B&M Brown Bread from when I was a child. It used to get eaten a lot at our house. Thanks for the memory!

                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                            That canned butter with the 15 year shelf life really appeals to my paranoid side.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            It sure would open up some new possibilities for those #10 cans of barley, beans and wheat berries that I don't admit to anyone IRL that I own a stockpile of.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: rohirette

                                                                                                                                                                                                              At $7.60 per pound, it isn't something you would want to use all the time but the 15 year shelf life would fit into your doomsday prepper storage. It would store nicely right next to the ammo.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Oh man! B&M brown bread is SO GOOD. Toss it on the fire (in the fire at our age) and off again in ten, handle with care, slice with the can top, smother in margarine or butter and drip yourself into paradise... :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Now I'm hungry for some! :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: meatrabbits4all

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Because I eat the whole thing myself, I only buy one can of brown bread a year. It's so delicious!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                            3. re: seamunky

                                                                                                                                                                                                              I see great kitsch value in canned bread, though I wouldn't want to eat the stuff. But it might do better than your average loaf in a natural or unnatural disaster.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: guilty

                                                                                                                                                                                                                The canned Boston Brown Bread is surprisingly very tasty, moist and tender, more like cake than bread in my opinion. It's really good with some of that canned butter, LOL, no seriously!!! I have a friend who is diligently preparing for TEOTWAWKI, and we tested those products just the other day. If the world became a post-apocalyptic wasteland, that bread and butter are some of the more palatable long-term storage food options, IMHO.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            4. Saw a fake ad somewhere for "freeze-dried water." Instructions: "Just add water."

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. A lot of the "lite" or "low fat" food is really dumb. For example, at the grocery store there is a brand that sells cans of regular coconut milk and also cans of "lite" coconut milk. Both cans are exactly the same size and price. The ingredients of the regular coconut milk: coconut milk. The ingredients of the lite version: coconut milk, water. That's right, the ONLY difference is that the "lite" coconut milk is watered down. Of course, hardly anyone reads ingredient lists, so you have lots of dumb people paying the same price for less coconut milk thinking they're making a healthy decision.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: StringerBell

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I am a stubborn person regarding label-reading. I read the ingredients always, and RARELY read the "nutrition" label.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I am too, I read the ingredient list of every single product I buy, but I never read the nutrition label except to check protein. For example, if I buy some breaded fish and the protein numbers are low then that tells me I'm mostly buying breading with a tiny bit of fish inside so I skip it. I don't give a flying funk about calories or grams of fat per serving or any other data, the only way to get any idea about the quality of the food is to read the ingredients

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: StringerBell

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You lot have all the fun with Dumb Food! Butter in New Zealand is wrapped in boring old waxed paper, but they can our butter for you?!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I experienced pb and j in a jar as a kid on holiday in Fiji. The concept Blew My Mind!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Ah, simpler times.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. re: StringerBell

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I have light coconut milk. Ingredients are exactly the same as the regular coconut milk.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      In fact, it's the same for Thai Kitchen and Goya as well as the Native Forest brand I found in my cabinet. So maybe they add *more* water to light ones? Either way, I'm ok with that. It has significantly fewer calories than regular coconut milk so I'm not calorie-bombing myself when I use it and it's already the size I need. I'm not saving 1/4 can of coconut to water it down a bit myself. THAT would be dumb, IMO.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I suppose I *could* press my coconut meat and then I wouldn't be paying for any water...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: eastofnevada

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Fair enough, but when I make curry, I usually find that one can usually isn't quite enough, and two is too many, so if anything I might add a little water myself to stretch the liquid a bit. If I started with lite coconut milk it might get a little too watery.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. Sushi in a tube.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Tuna in a bag.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I never understood the need for bagged croutons or bread cubes (dry stuffing).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      but some really dumb food irks me because it's sold in really ridiculous packaging not to mention the recycling issues.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      31 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Okay, I KNOW I'm going to step in it with this one, but do you mean recycling issues from dumb things like Kuerig coffee? <ducking>

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Ooh, are you in trouble. You better do more than just duck. : )

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Ha. I'm afraid so (ducking in response). I don't own a Kuerig but my kids do.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            The day the sushi needs to be sold in a plastic tube....come on, C1, that's just crazy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Yeah, well the day sushi needs to be sold in trays in a supermarket... What about that? I don't do "black bubble gum." I like my nori freshly toasted and my sushi not more than two minutes old, MAX! '-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I have never bought or tasted supermarket sushi, C1. There just is no need to with sushi galore fresh and made to order.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And around here, the supermarket sushi is roughly the same price as the made to order sushi joint, and doesn't offer the variety or freshness. I'll find my convenience purchase in another aisle, thanks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: JenJeninCT

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Couldn't agree more Jen. The supermarket sushi around my area looks like it's a few days old most times. Thankfully we have plenty of sushi bars.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Speaking of things in plastic tubes, what do you think of egg tofu? It's a delicate egg custard cooked in a plastic tube. When it comes to packaging foods, Asian countries are every bit as good as Americans, may be better.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                http://www.vietworldkitchen.com/blog/...
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Actually, these 'pan seared egg tofu scallops with sweet chili sauce' look pretty good. I need to buy another tube of this stuff.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I have never tried egg tofu, paulj. Those mock scallops look lovely in the photo...but, come on when you crave a fresh scallop....tofu is not the answer.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I will have to keep an eye out for the product tho. thanks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I am not particularly fond of the packaging because I find it messy, but this is actually quite good and I cannot find other products like it in other kinds of packaging.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have the refillable basket (My K-Cup) for my Keurig. Do your kids know about them? They're awesome.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Yes they both know about it. But my daughter wasn't happy with the physical fit to the unit and complained about grounds running up and over a bit. It sounds like you've had much better luck with it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  3. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Oh, boy, the Kuerig thing. Environmentally irresponsible and not great coffee, besides. Besides that, a lot of it appears to be flavored, and who drinks this artificially flavored-up kind, anyway? Yes, I know I'm in trouble now.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The hubby does french press and the kiddo does pour-over. Both are easy, inexpensive, and make amazing coffee. No flavored beans in either home, EVER.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I have yet to find a Kuerig that stayed hot long enough to finish the cup. The pods replicate coffee available everyone...no need in my case..to buy pods. (still ducking)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I typically run a short drop of water into my mug without using any coffee. I then let it sit while I go get the K-cup I want to use, grab my sweetener and whitener of choice plus a spoon and perhaps a snack to go with. Then I dump out the water which has warmed my mug for me and brew my K-cup of choice on the hotter setting of 192 degrees. I find that having the prewarmed mug makes all the difference in keeping the coffee hot. Especially if I use one of my double walled stainless steel travel mugs with the lid.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      LOL- I hate the whole Keurig idea but MIL wanted one for Christmas last year and I got her name so like a dutiful DIL I got her one. It's like barking down an empty well trying to ger her to be anything remotely resembling green at this stage so I just enjoy her and love her and try to ignore the other stuff

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I am amused by your post. I am a MIL, and I am sure your MIL appreciates your regard. I used to fuss regularly at my mom about her old fashioned food prep methods. It did no good at all; I should have shut up and mellowed out. On the Keurig, I have mixed feelings. I have welcomed one in an outpatient waiting room, and I like being able to make my own cup when I want, when I visit a family member. For someone like me who makes coffee everyday, and actually enjoys it, a Keurig doesn't make sense. But for your MIL, it might make perfect sense.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: sueatmo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It does. She's a circa 194x Home Economics major from a midwestern university (her father caled it an MRS degree LOL). She raised five kids fabulously, was widowed way before she should have been, and is living her life the way she wants, which is great. She's awesome. Except she's not the least bit green. Oh well

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            http://www.dailyfinance.com/2012/03/2...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            McDonalds Coffee Cups now served in paper cups. About time!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      i have to jump in & defend tuna in a bag. those pouches are really handy for traveling when you don't have a can opener handy or don't want to make a huge mess draining it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        There's less packing liquid in the pouches. I don't use either enough to judge which is better quality.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I don't think there is anything inherently superior about cans compared to foil or plastic pouches, or tetrapacks either - other than the fact that cans have been around longer.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          And the pouches are better than canned tuna anyway, they aren't subjected to as high of temperatures as cans and don't have added water than canned tuna has.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            That's cool if you enjoy the convenience. I find the bagged tuna too dry.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Spam in a single serving pouch (3oz) isn't too dry. Not that I'm a frequent user The other day when I made Spam and grits ala carbonara, the Spam pouch was past is 'best by' date.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I agree tthat the foil packs of tuna are a great convenience for trravellers, and they have come down in price since they first hit the market, but I use albacore and compared to the water packed canned albacore, the foil packs suck! The texture is so much tougher and chewier and to make a good tuna salad (about the only thing I use canned tuna for) it takes more mayonnaise to get the same texture I get with canned tuna. I think I have a couple of foil packs in the pantry that must be waaaaaay past their expiration date.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I think I know someone who needs to clean out the pantry..... : )

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Indeed you do! And even more, I probably need to clean out the hurricane survival box in the entry hall closet. The food in it is probably six year old. Even the copper top flashlight batteries may be dead! Caroline, GET BUSY!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    OK, this may not fall under 'dumb' foods exactly, but here's a article on 6 of the scariest processed foods of all time. My kids have never had them, but I was a little shocked to hear that frozen blueberry waffles actually don't contain any blueberries at all!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    http://www.alternet.org/health/144395

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Our Calgary Stampede always offers some bizarre deep fried concoctions, like deep-fried butter, jellybeans or Pop Tarts. I have not partaken, but admit that I did have my first corn dog (and I'm nearly 40) there last year. Fairly tasty, actually. ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  OK, so canned tuna is what I feed my cats. I know, it's bad for them; my last cat only lived to 21. And I despise mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  But I hear you on the pantry. Last week's project was to clean out & organize the pantry and the amount of thrown out food was scary enough to make that a monthly exercise from now on.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I prefer cans. It's probably irrational but the bags remind me of botulism for some reason.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. Dumb food (my list)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                vitamin water
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                canned asparagus
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                spray cheese of any sort
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                canned chicken
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                vegetarian cheese

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                33 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: sueatmo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Agreed, except for the spray cheese, which is a guilty pleasure and a really fun stoner food for the younger ones than me

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How about bacon-n-cheese spray dog treats? Also comes in liver, peanut, and chicken flavors.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    http://www.petsmart.com/product/zoom/...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      EWS - ahem, I think you mean the ones younger than you are now (subtle re-phrasing)...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      it's OK as back in the day I'd have indulged in that as well.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        >busily sprays cheese directly into mouth...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I have never tasted spray cheese - is it just aerated Velveeta?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Yep, exactly. You haven't missed much except the actual experience of squirting your cheese food product as opposed to slicing it. : )

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Squeeze Cheeze on Ritz - classic party hors d'oeuvres from 1972. Just add cute teeny slices of manzanilla olives or jalapeno or little basil leaves. Why did we do it? Not the taste! Well, we thought it was so modern or something.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Oh paulj, to what are you referring? I thought my original phrasing was correct. what did I say wrong> I am so confuse...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I think you meant me - nah you're ok, I was using marketing speak to change the implication of your post so you're still young enough and fully capable of acting silly if you choose, not gone around the bend yet so to speak. (I'm too old for that now, but like to think it's still in reach)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            hey anybody want anything second-guessed? send it my way.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Well, the terms "sweetener" and "whitener" used upthread regarding coffee have me a little confused and upset.....ha.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Well, I did say it was 'my' list. I've never been stoned so I wouldn't know about that latter use you mention.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          3. re: sueatmo

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I am still astounded that you can actually get spray cheese - I have never seen it over here. It completely boggles my mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I have a friend in Berlin whom we used to bring spray cheese from the US. He actually likes that shit. Stoner, tho, so that may explain it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ahh you're not missing much. but if you ever come up here we'll set you up. give enough advance notice and maybe we can find the source of the impetus to even try it (and then an emetic, a nice palate cleanser and later some good VN or Thai)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Haha, good thing I always carry anti-emetics. I am endlessly fascinated by the uh, convenience products available in the US, I can hardly believe it's true. I often read CH for the sheer amusement of the products available to you guys over there; next time I go to the US I am going to hit the supermarkets and see if all this stuff I read about is actually true! And then I'm going to hope that the Thai is as good as you say it is ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In our supermarket, you can choose between 3 different flavors of spray cheese.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Cheddar", American "cheese" and something I musta blocked out of my mind to keep my culinary sanity.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That would be an interesting thread on it's own. Unusual scratch that.... Insane convenience items found at grocery stores.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        oh Huntress I bet you get astounding SE Asian there. I was just trying to think of the diametric opposite of the spray cheese. a restorative gesture if you will.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        'sides, if the situation that allows that dumb food into the room occurs, what better way to get back on track than a lot of smart small delicate things?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Yep, we get fantastic SE Asian here, but it's reassuring to know I could get in close proximity to a place that sells spray cheese. I still can't get spray cheese out of my head...or most of the things on this thread...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            don't worry, in fact block the idea of it, unless one was an 8 YO with stoner parents it is something easily avoided (the cheese 'product' not the SE Asian) just stick your fingers in your ears and yell. forgetting is the hard part.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            anyway it's not really 'spray' more 'squeeze/squirt' sounding better now?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Well, to be honest. even canned whipped cream (something that barely registers in our major supermarkets, people tend to whip all their own cream here) is a completely bizarre idea for me, so squeezy cheese still doesn't quite seem right...unless you're squishing a gooey, soft cheese between biscuits? I'll start yelling now...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: TheHuntress

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Well... I have to admit I keep whipped cream in a can in the fridge. Who wants to make fresh whipped cream if you are only going to use a little? I can go to the fridge get a pudding cup (I suppose that is a bad thing, too) and spray some whipped cream on top.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                But best of all...when nobody is around, you can go to the fridge, get the can of whipped cream out, point it into your mouth and SPRAY!!!. oh wow...talk about making you feel 12 years old again.. that's it. Heck just talking about it makes me feel younger.....I wonder if I could talk Judy into going to the store or running an errand or just going into the back yard for a minute!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Oh my grand daughter has discovered getting up before everyone else and crawling under the kitchen table with a pudding cup and a can of whipped cream. I wonder if she has discovered spraying it into her mouth. Her grand mother told me I would get hurt if I taught her. Oh well.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I hereby nominate you as Grandpa of the Millenium! You're good.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have learned that one of her uncles showed it to her much to the dismay of the other set of grandparents. ..Smirk...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    She did teach herself to lick the ice cream bowl ... big smile... I didn't teach her but I routinely do that but had stopped in front of her because E.F. Mama commanded it... yes Maam (shivers in fear). I wonder if that is in the genes? I will succumb to the temptation to show you a picture of Cassidy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      No wonder you're smitten ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I remember my grandpa drawing pictures of horses in mustard on my sandwiches . . . talk about disposable art. And no, mom never remembered him doing that for her . . . these genes definitely skip a generation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: gaffk

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I didn't spoil my son. That's what his grandpas were for. We spoil our grand children as pay back for what our children did to us. Besides, when she is a brat, I can go... "Take your daughter home, now".

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I love kids, but really only other peoples in a limited and controlled way.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            she is adorable. I say get under that table and teach the direct delivery method for canned whipped cream. (though I s'pose some might interpret abuse in that scenario)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            She's getting some cooking skills, too. She can crack an egg on a flat surface and not get it everywhere and then open the shell and dump it into a bowl...Something her grand mother doesn't seem to be able to master.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            She helped her other grand mother cook breaded fried pork chops, too. She was quoted as saying " No nana that's too dark but that one is just perfect". Would have loved to seen nana's face. Oh she can bread pork chops, too.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Just saw a s'mores kit at Walmart. It was $8 and contained enough ingredients to make about 6 s'mores. How hard is it to pick out a bag of marshmallows, box of graham crackers and a couple chocolate bars?!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      28 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I'm convinced that that's another doppleganger item that Walmart stocks its shelves with to get their "Made in the USA" quotient up. It isn't a real product, it just acts like one.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Good point, CanadaGirl! Why oh why...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I was just drooling over the marshmallow winner over at Serious Eats the other day....these s'mores are so interesting!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          http://sweets.seriouseats.com/2012/03...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            yeah, that winning recipe is RIDICULOUS...in the best possible way. i was really digging both chai spice recipes and the cinnamon toast variation as well.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            What would be the cost of buying the parts individually, and how much 'leftovers' would you have after eating 8? Those aren't items that I've priced lately. I bet the kit has instructions on how to make them in the microwave.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Where I live, a box of graham crackers is about $3, a bag of marshmallows about $1 and big cheap chocolate bars (only acceptable kind for s'mores, IMO) would be about $1 each. So I would say $6 gets enough ingredients for about 2 dozen s'mores. Obviously there are leftovers, but I have never had s'mores by myself and we've never made as few as 8! And the leftover ingredients aren't problematic to me ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I can give micro instructions: assemble items then nuke for 30 seconds. It'll melt, but I won't be toasty :( The oven is better. Assemble graham cracker, chocolate, marshmallow. Broil until golden then add 2nd cracker. Almost as good as over a campfire.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Otr if you have a kitchen torch or even a plumber's blow torch, but no campfire, they'll both work too! When my kinds were elementary school age, they used to LOVE to make microwave S'mores, but they ended up eating the top graham cracker alone because they loved watching the marshmallows puff up and puff up and puff up and colllapse into inedible gunk. Kids.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  We bought Easter marshmallow chicks JUST to blow them up in the microwave!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: HillJ

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I just heard my first good use of Peeps ever. Those things are NASTY.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      No lie. But those suckers puff up under micro current like you won't believe!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          But the sugar coat is so gritty-licious.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            You must have only eaten fresh Peeps, then. Those are no good. You have a buy a package, stab it with a knife in a few places to let some air in, then allow the little critters to get nice and stale. The texture of a stale Peep is wonderful.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Then again, I like those fake marshmallow eggs with the hard candy coating, especially the blue ones. Maybe I shouldn't even be on this site....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                nope youre right where you belong. especially because you noticed the superiority of stale peeps to fresh ones.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Isolda, the orange eggs are CLEARLY superior ;)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Isolda

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    My 6 year old grand daughter found the perfect recipe for peeps. She puts one on a paper plater and nukes it in the microwave. She then puts the goo and the paper plate in the freezer for 24 hours or so. Then... she throws the whole thing away.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What a natural culinary talent.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Washington Post has lots of photos of their peeps dioramas contests, present and past.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifesty...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        her technique impresses and deeply amuses me!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: cosmogrrl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Peep abuse! Peep abuse! Poor little defenseless things...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Caroline1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          At least it's still a bit better than actually eating those things!!! (Blech!)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Hank Hanover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Okay. That's it! I'm reporting you to the PeePolice!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I prefer mine made with Hobnobs and a good dark chocolate. Haven't tried designer marshmallows.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Wasn't that a Christmas item about three years back? I remember seeing shelves and shelves of them at Bed Bath and Beyond after Christmas a while ago. They were originally about $35 as I recall

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Not sure about BB&B; I almost never go. I've only seen them at Walmart and so don't know if they are the same. To be honest, I think they must be different, as I can't see anyone paying $35 for these. But, you never know!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: CanadaGirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Judging from the after-Christmas inventory at BB&B, I'd say you weren't the only one to arrivbe at that conclusion. There was an entire wall of them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  3. Back in Wisconsin due to family emergency and made my annual trip to Trader Joe's. My favorite example of DUMB food was a quart container of mirepoix. In layers. How many hours will it take for the onions to overpower everything else? And how often do you use a quart of the stuff before it starts to rot?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: INDIANRIVERFL

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That's gross. Mirepoix needs to be freshly cut!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joe's does have a......sense of humor.....in some of their products, to put it nicely.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: sandylc

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        But it must sell, and not to just first time buyers. Traders is pretty ruthless when it comes to dropping items that don't sell (or have producer problems).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        If I can't imagine someone buying an item like this, could it be that I lack imagination?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        When I do buy something like this (e.g their chopped kale, or trimmed fennel, frozen leeks, frozen pearl onions) it's because of combination of price, convenience and consistency. Often what is convenient and economical for a family of 5 isn't for just 2.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: paulj

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          my house-mate buys that regularly because 1. she does know how to cook (her diagnosis, not mine) 2. she is too lazy to peel an onion 3. cannot cut veggies that finely and regularly 4. would not use a whole onion or bag of carrots 5. finds the product convenient and thus, worth the cost.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          So yeah, there's a market for that item. I would never buy it myself though

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Watermelon pizza makes me wonder, who is dumber, it's inventor or those who eat it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: arktos

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I've never heard of watermelon pizza so I Googled it. Apparently there are two kinds: one where a 1" cross-cut slice of watermelon is the "crust" and another where chunks of watermelon are one of the toppings on a regular pizza crust. Which one do you think is dumb?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        The one with chunks of watermelon on it makes me think of Japanese pizza. Wild and crazy toppings! Maybe it's coming to America?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: arktos

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Anyone who does not think like me is dumb! :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: arktos

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            i had to google it also. but the recipe i found doesn't sound that bad. it includes a crust topped with hot molten brie, chunks of cold watermelon, and torn basil. sounds like a good combination to me.