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Funniest thing you seen in a restaurant?

Do you have any funny stories about what you've seen or has happened to you in a restaurant?
I'll start to get the ball rolling. Years ago along the trans Canada hwy in mid Saskatchewan we stopped at a little diner in a dusty farm town. The sign outside said 'Sunday Buffet'. The place was half full of farm families. Men with cowboy hats on. It looked like 'this was the place to take the 'folks' who had moved off the farm into 'town' out for the regular Sunday family meal.
The buffet was your usual 'smorgasbord' under glass with a dozen stainless tubs holding all manner of meat and potato based dishes. These were all sitting on a nice bed of broken up heads of ice berg lettuce heads 'for decoration'. We got in line and chose our items. I didn't see any salads on offer. After sitting down I called the waitress/cashier/server over and asked for a couple of 'side salads'. At first she looked perplexed. Then she smiled and went into the kitchen and came out with two large soup bowls. She went to the buffet and grabbed a few hand fulls of the decorative iceberg lettuce. She brought them to our table with a smile and left. I didn't have the nerve to ask for any dressing.
And one more briefly: We stopped at a restaurant in Cranbrook BC for lunch and parked in the parking lot. As we approached the restaurant door we saw two well used toilets, one on either side of the door. One was pink the other blue. We didn't go in but we got a good photo.

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  1. 1976. Visited my brother going to college in the small upstate NY town of Oneonta. After a long night of revelry we headed over to a place called Nicks Dinner at around 2 AM. I don't remember much about the evening but I remember quite vividly that the fork in my place setting wasn't fully cleaned and had some "food" stuck to it. I pointed this out to the waitress when she came to take our order expecting a replacement fork. Instead, she said, "oh,sorry" picked up the fork and preceded to scrape the crud off of it with her fingernail. When it appeared she had gotten it all, she simply placed it back in front of me and went back to work. 36 years later and I'm still dumbfounded.

    1. Watching 3 or more women with one check each trying to pay her share. "But you had wine and I only had coffee." "But I didn't eat dessert and Mary did." ...on and on LOL

      14 Replies
      1. re: Gail

        My sister started calling that behavior "Who had 'Fruit Cup'" years ago, to this day, we joke about it and also say that we don't want to play "Who had 'Fruit Cup.'"

        1. re: jacquelyncoffey

          >>> "Who had 'Fruit Cup.'"<<<

          Good one, jacquelyn!!

          1. re: Gail

            I'll tell her you like the saying, it cracks us up everytime.

          1. re: cosmogrrl

            Having been involved in one too many of those episodes years ago in college....the last straw, and I refuse to participate ever again, was when a relative told me I owed them all 25 cents(I had given them every cent I had) after they'd spent about an hour trying to figure it all out on paper and calculators.
            This was a family gathering.

            1. re: latindancer

              OMG! I love that cartoon. I missed that. I had a similar experience recently with a friend, won't happen again.

            2. re: cosmogrrl

              Douglas Adams had a joke about that too, the highest order of mathematics there is full of utterly unsolvable problems and irrational numbers:

              Bistromathics.

              1. re: cosmogrrl

                i've never seen a table of just men engage in this behavior.

                1. re: alkapal

                  oh I have. "yeah I ordered 'X' but you had some of it"

                  thankfully separate checks are so easier now.

              2. re: Gail

                I recently saw three young guys sitting at the bar drinking beers and eating burgers on one bill. Then one guy realized he didn't have cash, so instead of the guys giving him the cash, they asked for separate checks. The bartender didn't say anything, but it annoyed me.

                1. re: jhopp217

                  Call me stupid... I don't get the problem here. You mean two should have just put their cash in and let the other guy pay the rest (i.e. his portion) on his card? And by not doing that they created a hassle for the bartender in terms of presenting and ringing 3 checks up? Just trying to understand the ish.

                  1. re: thegforceny

                    You said you didn't understand the point and then said the point. The bartender wrote out one check as desired by the customers. Then when the bill was already rung up, they asked for it to be separate checks. Not sure what is so confusing.

                    1. re: jhopp217

                      It's good to clarify. In your original post, you simply wrote 'Then one guy realized he didn't have cash, so instead of the guys giving him the cash, they asked for separate checks.' There was no statement about the bill being delivered first.

                      Not sure why this is the 'funniest thing' you have seen in a restaurant either, but to each their own.

                2. re: Gail

                  I used to work as an office assistant in the Physics Department of a university. We had a department lunch in a restaurant with about 25 department employees. At the end of the lunch, two of the physics professors set out to divide up the bill, calculating to the penny each person's charges and share of the tip. They didn't just do a 15% or 20% tip, but they worked out a two-tier tip formula with a 15% tip for individual items and 18% tip for shared appetizer platters. The non-physicists thought this was very funny, but the profs were totally oblivious to the humor.

                3. Maybe not THE funniest, but I'll never forget one visit to Tony Roma's (a restaurant specializing in ribs) as a kid with my family, back in the '80s. There was another family sitting nearby with two young boys, and one of them yelled to his brother "HEEEEEY JUSTIN, I'LL TRADE YOU SOME FOOD FOR YOUR PENCIL!"

                  For whatever reason, it struck all of us as hilarious, and 25 years later, we still quote that line to each other.

                  2 Replies
                  1. re: Big Bad Voodoo Lou

                    ha! Makes you wonder... did Justin not have any food? Why did the other need a pencil at dinner? and so on.... :)

                    1. re: kubasd

                      I don't know if it was the kind of restaurant that had disposable kids' menus with games and puzzles and coloring activities, or maybe he had a coloring book or a pad. But even as young kids, my brother and I loved to eat, and we would have happily traded any pencils we had for more ribs!

                  2. Watching a waif of a model trying to separate the salad dressing from the lettuce in her Caesar Salad prepared tableside.

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: ipsedixit

                      That makes me want to cry. Tableside Caesar is one of my favourite things ever.

                    2. Several years ago, we were dining at a steak place with three other couples. One of the women was quite drunk. She ordered French Onion Soup to have before her meal. When she started eating it, she proclaimed quite loudly "THIS SOUP HAS ONIONS IN IT!" and refused to eat it.

                      Whenever someone in our group order French Onion Soup, they now proclaim "THIS SOUP HAS ONIONS IN IT!"

                      5 Replies
                        1. re: alkapal

                          Yes, it was....bahahahahah. It was Hooch after partaking of a lot of hooch.

                          1. re: Janet from Richmond

                            I read your earlier post about the soup, and just automatically figured it was Hooch. And how ARE the dear Mooch and Hooch, BTW? :-)

                            1. re: LindaWhit

                              You know we have not seen them in months and it's been years since we've dined with them. And that is great :-)

                              1. re: Janet from Richmond

                                All is right in the world of Janet and the Mr. and whoever else dines with them. :-)