Psst... We're working on the next generation of Chowhound! View >
HOME > Chowhound > Not About Food >
Feb 3, 2012 07:13 AM

Ways to refuse univited guests

So hubby and I handled the current situation already, but, I am looking for ways I or anyone else could in the future politely refuse the request from an invited guest to also bring someone that you didn't invite. It was horrible, awkward and something we will hopefully never go through again. Luckily it wasn't a situation where they just simply brought the uninvited person along not having said anything.

I looked for a response on this site last night before we responded and didn't come across anything. I thought that others might need some help in the same department.

So, what are ways that you can get past a bully guest trying to get someone else on your list? I want to have some responses at the ready next time!

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
  1. I wish I could remember which thread I saw it on, but someone made the suggestion (or similar) "I'm sorry, but it's not possible" without giving any explanation as to why.

    And here is a thread to look at for some suggestions:

    3 Replies
    1. re: viperlush

      I learned that pharse all too well when my daughter got married two years ago.

      Now, when I comes to dinners my husband is the "more is the merrier" type and especially after a few cocktails will invite people to the house for all sorts of events.

      Christmas a few years ago 'almost' cured him. A couple of days before Christmas he started inviting virtually everyone to the house for Christmas dinner. And they all showed up. He had to stand at the kitchen counter to eat his modest meal as we had to stretch a beef tenderloin for 8 people to about 18 people. Part of me wanted to kill him. The other part was amused that he was the victim of his own creation.

      1. re: Janet from Richmond

        "That's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating."

      2. re: viperlush

        That someone was probably me, because I tend to trot this worthy pearl out frequently at Chowhound. It's generations-old, time-honored Emily Post gambit, useful in so many situations. The key is that it is presented as an undebatable fact, with no absolutely commentary or invitation to negotiate - you just have to maintain the nerve to avoid any commentary or invite negotiation. If the other person expresses [negative feeling], steadfastly avoid commentary and negotiation. Imagine you are playing the dowager Countess of Grantham if you need to get all Method (but in reverse) for the occasion...and give your martyred non-guest a chance to find more enticing scaffold elsewhere.

        It works. Emily Post knew her stuff on this point.

      3. Oh, I'm so sorry, we just can't this time!

        1. "I'd rather you didn't" works for me.

          1. "I really can't invite any more people but I hope you can still come. Thanks."

            3 Replies
            1. re: LeoLioness

              that one's my favorite LeoL. for me, I like:

              "I'm comfortable with the number attending already, maybe another time..."

              1. re: iL Divo

                That said, I've never actually used this line in practice. I'm more of "the more the merrier" type, but to be fair, I don't host any particularly formal events, either.

                1. re: LeoLioness

                  you're right LeoL

                  I like more merrier too. And you can always put more lettuce in the salad bowl and stretch (say a pot of chili) not that hard making another skillet of corn bread. I can also cut the pieces of pie smaller and cut up some fresh fruit and cheese. < Always have both.

                  There's a good rule though it's the 'look down and do a 5 count'. That way you don't fall into the 'yes man' - 'yes girl' category. A unattractive trait I possess..

                  and this is comin from a Leo Lioness also :)

            2. My cousin whom I adore, often brings some random people like her friend or one of her family members from her in law's with her whenever she is invited to my house. I don't say anything but it sometimes irritates me. She doesn't ever mention, she just brings the person and walks in. And knowing her personality, she will never buy, i rather not you bring extra certain thing, I just live with it. ha.