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Dec 22, 2011 09:08 AM

Accused of being too interested in food?

Well, I sit writing this with mixed feelings. My DH and I had a small argument last night, and I was accused of thinking/talking too much about food. This started around being asked to bring a veggie tray to the in-laws for Christmas. I aked DH if we could do a nice punched up lettuce salad instead. And then it went downhill. First he was going to call in-laws to conform this was okay, and I said they are both 'veggies,' was it a big deal? If it was, nevermind, let's just do a veggie tray. And after a minute of DH thinking- he admitted he thinks I invest too much time in thinking, planning and daydreaming about food. This makes me sad- if I have to eat anyway, why not eat something yummy? But I suppose it starts to complicate areas where maybe it doesn't need to- like just bringing a veggie tray for example. Or just surrendering control of the food every once in awhile. Anyone else ever been convicted of 'hounding too much? Coping methods? Where do you compromise? :) I feel almost like I've surrendered my title of proud chef to embarrassed addict.

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  1. I've been accused of same and I take it as a compliment. We all have interests, hobbies, causes, etc and most of mine are food related. I garden organically, spend time and money on local products and especially humanely handled meat and poultry, and spend most of my free time collecting and reading recipes and cooking. I can think of a lot worse obsessions!

    1. Well, there are a number of issues at play here. My own friends joke about how much time I spend thinking about food, but they also designate me the menu planner and restaurant picker every chance they get. They view it as a fun quirk of mine.

      But I think some foodies do have a tendency to get a bit control-freaky about food. Sometimes you just have to relax and indulge your passion in your own time. When I go to my auntie's I know I'm not going to be excited about the food - she's an indifferent cook, after all. But I value the experience because I will spend time with my family. And sometimes my friends are going to insist on *gag* Applebee's for dinner - they're my friends, so I'm not going to argue because it's about the time I'm spending with them rather than being a "foodie."

      When a host asks you to bring a specific dish, I think you try to accommodate them. For example, your host was asking you to bring an appetizer, but you turned the tables and countered with a salad, which would in all likelihood be served with the meal. It just kinda messed with the plans. And why did your husband have to be the one to talk to his sister? Why can't you negotiate something with her?

      I think one's love of food becomes an issue when it starts to cause friction in your personal relationships. I'm all for people trying new things, but for family gatherings on holidays, it's best to just go with the majority flow unless there's a specific reason NOT to do so. Save the experimenting and menu fussing for when YOU are hostessing.

      3 Replies
      1. re: Heatherb


        You make some good points. It is about spending time with the family, after all. And I know that I CAN get control-freaky about food. I suppose my nonchalance in trading salad for veggie tray is that this is a potluck style event in which this year we were designated to bring an item, at Mother-in-laws, actually. So bets to just follow instructions and avoid stirring the pot. But really- it is about the getting together and not about the food.

        1. re: daniellempls

          hey danielle, i know how boring a veggie tray sounds to make or buy(!). but you could get creative with it and do a combination of cooked/raw veggies, pickles, etc with your own sauces. i'm thinking something like blanched asparagus with aioli or sauteed carrots that have been caramelized in butter and honey

          1. re: daniellempls

            I know how you feel. The SO's friends and family are convinced I will be incapable of making anything but the most simple of dishes. For several years I was asked to bring the lettuce tomato onion platter for the picnic or the fruit or veggie tray. The most I've been gable to levied at holidays is baked beans from a van with syrup Nd brown sugar added ( they dictated the presentation they wanted). Finally one year I apologizes and said due to an engagement they day before I didn't have time for the veggie tray and would they mind if I brought potato salad. They raved about it and kept the leftover for their kids' lunches because they ate so many plates of it. I would bring the darn veggies and suck it up unless you want to get into it again with DH.

        2. It shouldn't be a real issue for your DH. If he loves you, he loves you for who you are -- which includes your likes and dislikes, and your passion for things he may not feel passionate about himself.

          Have you ever accused him of being too interested in football? Same thing, IMO.

          3 Replies
          1. re: linguafood

            I attribute a long and happy marriage on lots of respect and tolerance for the things we can't change about each other

            1. re: scubadoo97

              Yep. Only 10 years down so far, but going strong, and still damn happy -- even though my man isn't nearly as interested in food as I am. So what. I don't care for hockey or football, but I'd never give him shit about it.

            2. re: linguafood

              I agree. I'm accused of being too interested in food. And in football. And hockey. But it wasn't exactly a secret...


            3. The statement that rang true for me was "Or just surrendering control of the food every once in awhile." Those of us who love good food tend to feel we are the ones that "know" and that can be annoying to others. I've helped with meals at my sister's house and have often made complicated multi-course dinners. I remember her husband making some comment about "do we have to have courses this time?" He was not being mean, it was just not the way they usually ate. So when we scoff at people who bring a ham when the perfect menu has already been planned or complain about what other family members serve, it might be worth it for us to take a look at ourselves and see what we do to "get our way" at a group event. We have plenty of time to run things our way so maybe it's time to loosen up and not act like each meal is our last.

              1 Reply
              1. re: escondido123

                "it's time to loosen up and not act like each meal is our last" Yes- it is good to remind myself of this :)

              2. Could it be that you feel slighted... that all you were asked to bring was a simple veggie platter? Cause that would bother me. (The term my mom used last to describe me was "too food-centric")
                If a veggie platter it must be, then you may as well go all out. Make it the most beautiful platter the in laws have ever seen, with a fabulous dip.