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A Menu for a Break Up Meal

My DSM (dining soul mate) is going though some major life transition. He is coming over to "talk" Tue and despite the fact he may dump me, I want to plan a nice dinner. I was going to do a Lobster Clam Bake for two but feel I won't have an appetite and want to have food I can serve in the living room on my little butler table. I love cooking amazing meals for my DSM but have not had my heart into this and need your help. Need a great menu, seafood or fish and even tapas ideas. Also please be mindful my energy level is quite low due to the circumstances. I was thinking of homemade pizza or an antipasto of sorts with nice pasta (I can get homemade pasta at the shop nearby so a simple sauce?). Thanks all. Sniff

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  1. If your DSM is coming over to talk and you're expecting the worst, take control of the situation. Make something that YOU enjoy, whatever that may be. Not knowing the situation it's hard to give advice. However, I can give personal experience. When going through break-ups, people either eat too much or lose their appetites. I always lost my appetite, so I probably would serve absolutely nothing and have him explain himself before we (possibly) order in- or I throw him out. Assuming that this is someone who you plan to stay friendly with, cook if you must- but only if YOU want to and not because he expects you to. I'm assuming that your relationship is deeper than food. and he should respect the fact that this is not easy for you, no matter what he's going through himself. I hope that whatever happens works out for the best.

    5 Replies
    1. re: NicoleFriedman

      thanks Nicole! I have lost 7 pounds..will make homemade pizza and a salad..easy peasy...

      1. re: phelana

        Are you sure he's coming over to break up? Maybe he means to propose, or something in the positive vein.

        I'd make what you like, as Nicole suggests, and nothing messy if you decide to toss it in his direction...best of luck to you. Hugs.

          1. re: bushwickgirl

            This reminds me of a scene from Joy Luck Club. A woman was making a peanut butter pie for her husband while they were finalizing their divorce. Her mother yelled at her, saying that just because he sees this pie, he's not going to realize what you're worth. You have to be able to communicate your worth, and not just through your cooking.

        1. re: NicoleFriedman

          I had the opposite reaction to the question...I would make something I like OK, but not my favorite thing. I would worry too much that if the situation turned emotionally traumatic, I would forever tie baggage to a favorite food item. I would hate, for example, to think of a painful breakup every time I looked at a crabcake. The pizza/salad idea is a good one: easy, relatively comforting, and you probably won't ruin it forever no matter how the evening goes. Good luck to you. I hope it goes better than you are anticipating.

        2. I'd go for comfort food - creamy, rich, carb-y.

          1 Reply
          1. re: shanagain

            oh he is definitely not proposing..he has huge life stress..thanks for the tips

          2. Hugs to you! I'm zero help on this one. I would not cook for someone that intended to dump me. I would save the amazing meals for someone in the future... who loves you and appreciates you.

            1 Reply
                1. re: paulj

                  I guess I have an odd opinion but I wouldn't go to any effort to be broken up with. I'd ask them to get to the point over a glass of wine. If you are breaking up be nice but I don't know why I would want to eat at a moment like that. Drink, hell yes, but I don't know that I could muster up the desire for food.

                  1. re: paulj

                    thanks all for putting a grin on my face..he adores me but has to move back to his hometown for his kids..he is sacrificing his needs for his kids..any good parent would..I just hope there is something left for us..he is my best dining buddy...I have positive expectations..homemade pizza and salad...I need a great salad recipe..greens with?? I always do my homemade candied walnuts and goat cheese and cranberries..need a new one..HUGS all..

                    1. re: phelana

                      greens, walnuts, strawberries, red onion, blue cheese in a strawberry vinaigrette dressing

                      arugula pear blue cheese and walnuts in a vinaigrette dressing

                      lots of alcohol and chocolate to follow

                  2. Go with Nadia G's suggestions. It was the perfect 'breakup menu' .....

                    1. In the worst case....serve
                      Distressed salad greens, sprinkled with rue
                      Prick Potato Chips (Brazil) or Half-Baked Potatoes
                      Toad in the Hole
                      Beef Jerk(y)
                      To drink: Dry Sack
                      And for dessert: Spotted Dick or Banana Split

                      2 Replies
                      1. re: DonShirer

                        thanks all..I decided no meal..just end it and be done..happy eating...

                        1. re: phelana

                          I hope that you haven't truly changed your mind and are just nipping in the bud the less than helpful posts to this thread.

                          I love your idea. It seems like you and your DSM have had a good relationship so far, and it doesn't seem like honesty is lacking. You apparently care about one another, so discussing this over a nice meal, with someone that you have enjoyed breaking bread with so many times in the past seems like a perfect way to make this transition as smooth as possible for you both. Anything less...

                          I wouldn't skimp on this meal. Nor would I make it elaborate. Your homemade pizza with a nice salad and a bottle of wine sounds perfect.

                          As far as what salad to make..well, the one you described sounds wonderful. Have you made this before for your DSM and did he like it? If so, may be a nice idea to make him something that you make so well and he enjoys.

                          Best Wishes to both of you. You sound like two level headed adults who cherish friendships.

                          Take care, Robin

                      2. I'm thinking something like boubon on the rocks. I'm one that loses my apetite when faced with emotional turmoil though, so food would be the last thing on my mind.

                        Also, years ago I once cooked a meal for someone who broke up with me later in the evening and I was *bullshit* that I had wasted time and money cooking for him.

                        6 Replies
                        1. re: LeoLioness

                          Leo, I have lost a lot of weight over this not eating..now I am svelte and sexy and he loses...seriously, I am glad I did not waste a good meal ...now, what do I do with the 30.00 of Joseph Carr Cab I bought..I don't like cab... sigh...I have been off booze for two weeks..it's a depressant...will focus on me and my healing and health..On to meals with those worthy...nite all...so all, my dining soul mate (DSM) is no more....but I open to meeting the real DSM who will be a keeper...positive expectations..

                          1. re: phelana

                            Never mind then..I wrote mine before I saw your last post...Oh Well

                            1. re: phelana

                              I am sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you're on the right path to healing. And wine keeps; you can bring it as a hostess gift or even use it in a sangria or mulled wine if you want to--it's not a waste if you drink it. Or you could send it as a Christmas gift to the ex if you're feeling ironic.

                              And while I totally think you made the right non-food choice, I still love that you thought to ask this question. I was once dumped after buying the guy dinner, and I think that particular detail was the part that galled me the most; not the actual dumping. I would have been way more upset had I cooked--even if I had already suspected what was to come.

                              1. re: guilty

                                i agree - good choice to not cook for the guy, but great question, and what a good soul to think of it. me, i woulda served a cup of bile.

                                nah, i know it was a hard decision for him. don't lose faith, you'll find another dining buddy and maybe more, with someone who stays local..

                                and yes, to graydon, it's TOTALLY a CH topic!

                              2. re: phelana

                                good outlook and good for not getting bombed, that would be a sad memory of you, "and the next day/week she was found choked in her own vomit" (word to the wise - aspirated stomach contents make for a really REALLY sad last meal)

                                hope ya all are still on good terms for chats, leave it alone for a while and keep it brief and light (last year I went through a long negotiated amicable break after many years and we had a sort of celebratory dinner my last night in town, so it was no surprise) but knowing we can call each other with "deep" questions or just shoot the breeze every few weeks w/o pretending there's a chance has made it easier. and trade recipes.

                                1. re: hill food

                                  thanks all..he started work in a new office in early Sept. and has apparently replaced me with an office mate ..nuff said, no contact moving on...too had, he really was the best dining buddy ever (amongst other amazing qualities)...anyone have a single chowhound friend..LOL..I am ready to get back into the game...just for companionship, mind you. Cape Cod winters are longggggggggggg

                            2. Is this such a ChowHound topic, or what?

                              1. If he didn't stick around, then he isn't the one. It might be nice if you tried to prepare the first meal you two had together.

                                1. Well, at least you're svelte, sexy, and off the booze! Take the money you would have spent cooking for him and treat your new bod to some cute new clothes.

                                  When you look good and feel good, you become a magnet for all the good things around you. Enjoy!

                                  1. Can you return the wine? I live in PA and was able to return wine without a receipt.

                                    1 Reply
                                    1. re: Sydneyeats

                                      oh I will bring it to a party or give to my Mom...no worries Sydney...