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Sep 28, 2011 12:28 PM

BYOB BBQ or Dinner party

Is it considered tacky or rude to have a BBQ or dinner party, and request your guests to provide their own alcoholic beverages? The host is a recovering alcoholic, and while she is ok with others drinking around her, she doesn't like keeping alcohol around in her house (either before or after-party leftovers). She's providing everything else food and soft drink-wise, and invited others to bring a dish they made only if they wish. Some of the guests I know have grumbled about having to bring their own drinks, but as someone who has seen enoug alcohol abuse in his life, I fully understand her concern and reasoning for the request.

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  1. My friends and I always have BYOB parties. I don't see anything wrong with it.

    1. Absolutely not rude or tacky. No one should expect a recovering alcoholic to go on a shopping spree for booze. Frankly, it would even be fine if she didn't allow alcohol at all, and served Arnold Palmers or something.

      1. Recovering alcoholics definitely get a pass on this in my book. Do the people "grousing" know her situation? I find it hard to believe anyone worth entertaining in your home would complain that an alcoholic won't provide some booze.

        4 Replies
        1. re: LeoLioness

          If I knew her situation, I would actually not only not grouse, I would not bring alcohol to her house. I like my cocktails\wine\beer, but if I cannot enjoy a dinner party or BBQ with friends without alcohol? I may ask her to refer me to her treatment program. Friendship trumps wine any time.

          1. re: gaffk

            well yes. I agree, the grumbling is a bit childish/churlish. if it might cause discomfort I would happily abstain, but it sounds as if the host is OK just doesn't want it around before or after or even have to consider it. fine in my book.

          2. re: LeoLioness

            Agree with LeoL. A recovering alcoholic or someone who abstains for religious reasons that welcome guests to bring their own booze is going above and beyond what is required of a host(ess).

            1. re: LeoLioness


              It's been my experience that normal drinkers who do not have issues with alcohol (or "normies," as we call them) are fine with not having alcohol served at every social occasion or being asked to BYOB.

              I have also observed over many years that there are those who are offended that alcohol isn't offered or made readily available in good quantity and don't have a problem being vocal about their opinions. Not only are they not considerate of the recovering alcoholic, they often seem determined to undermine or sabotage someone else's sobriety. IMO, these are usually people who want someone drinking as hard as they do so they feel more comfortable in their own exceess.

              I have a couple of hard-drinking (most likely alcoholic) extended family members who weren't so supportive when I stopped drinking as I am sure I was more fun to them when I was pounding the drinks down with them. It can be uncomfortable to be the only problem drinker in a crowd of "normies." I avoided them at eating/drinking events until I was comfortable and strong in my own sobriety but I know that a couple of them still think of me as a kill-joy. Whatever. What matters to me is that I am sober and healthy. I wish them well but don't intend to get dragged down in their problems.

            2. not tacky at all, I usu fret (as a drinker) that I haven't stocked enough, but people often bring something anyway so usually the opposite is true and the non-drinkers get stuck with few choices. given the circumstance I might mention that it's also take YO away.

              and I second LeoL's opinion/outlook.

              1. I can't imagine that friends of this woman would complain about a BYOB gathering. What kind of people could possibly even think of this as a huge burden placed on their poor selves?