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Jun 19, 2011 03:14 PM

A General Thank you From the Bottom of my Heart


Dear Fellow Hounds,
I haven't been on these boards much lately - as some of you may know, my son Michael (aka #1 son) died last Monday at the age of 27 after a grueling and courageous battle against a rare form of leukemia.
I want to thank the Chowhound community for a few different things. Mainly, just for being here. Clearly food is my big passion, and over the past few years it's been a welcome distraction to have that interest supported and diversified by all the different threads and opinions here. I've developed friendly relationships and actual real-world friendships that carried over, and have gotten such lovely support in so many different ways: when I was racking my brains out about what to try feeding him, it was 'hounders to the rescue. You also reminded me to try and nourish myself and my other family members at the same time. There were nights alone in the hospital during the past week where the time difference between here and my overseas friends was a truly welcome diversion - always, there was someone to talk to no matter what time it was. You've sent food and flowers and cards and love. Mainly, I just knew y'all were there in thought.
My big guy was kind of a chowhound himself. He liked really good food and wine and beer (although he preferred good hard liquor drinks more) so.....if you raise a glass tonight, please do it with a smile for Mike.
With Love and Thanks
Shalom shalom,

  1. I did not know, but I am so, so sorry!

    1. Shalom, Marci. We know you will be strong. Cry anytime.

      1 Reply
      1. re: Veggo

        Even at the butcher shop? I think the other people there thought I was trying to curry favor, or move up in line, but that wasn't it. It's just that they had buffalo steaks on sale, and Mike loved the buffies so much.........

      2. What a fine, strong heart you have that opens up in gratitude when it could so easily and justifiably just knot in grief. Best, best, best wishes to you.

        21 Replies
        1. re: ninrn

          nirn, it is knotted in grief - but it is not bitter, it's purer than that. So what generally spills out of me isn't anger or rage - just justifiable pain, and y'all have helped me much with great words of friendship, compassion and total wisdom that take my breath away.

            1. re: mamachef

              Hi Marci, Sent you contact info and got your email back. Thanks so much! I sent a reply to your email and another email after that, but I'm not sure if they went through. My Mom says she doesn't get my gmail and I wondered if the same thing might be happening with you. There was absolutely no need for you to reply, so please don't worry about that. Just checking if they reached at all.

              1. re: ninrn

                I was offline for a month or so....things here went straight to hell. I had to put my husband in a dementia/alzheimer's facility, and things are settling down some. I just want you to know that I thought about you every day and I'd love to know how you're doing. Love, Marci

                1. re: mamachef

                  Oh,mamachef, you've had way too much to bear. I hope you're being well cared for, too. My thoughts are with you.

                  1. re: nomadchowwoman

                    Thank you for that, lovely lady. It's a lot to bear.....yes. But I am still standing, sense of humor pretty much intact. I missed you all so much.

                  2. re: mamachef

                    I can't tell how sorry I am to read this. My prayer for you is that you wil have the inner strengh to bear this latest trial, and I'm sure you will. ((Mamachef))

                    1. re: Gio

                      Love you, Gio. Thanks so much. You know that old saw, "G-d doesn't give you anymore than you can handle?" Well, whatta crock. Except for one thing - I seem to be handling it!

                    2. re: mamachef

                      Oh, honey....(tearily wraps mamachef in a patchwork quilt and a big bear hug, and hands her a mug of tea and something to nibbles, because I just have no words)

                      1. re: sunshine842

                        Thank you for lovies, sunshine. I really mean that, and if you were close by I'd invite you over for tea and fleece and bad reality tv, which are my drugs of cherce these days!

                        1. re: mamachef

                          ooooh I LOVE trash TV, it really does help one's self esteem. (as in sheesh I've never been that bad)

                      2. re: mamachef

                        So sorry to hear that. I noticed you were gone (or noticed I hadn't seen your posts and wondered if I'd just missed them) and thought you might be busy cooking for the frat. I'm sorry that that wasn't the case. My thoughts are with you, too. Glad to see you're back here.

                        1. re: chowser

                          Hey Chowser, thanks! Nope, I'm on a paid leave for now. (PAID leave? In a frat? Never expected that. Job there when I'm ready to be there. Thank goodness, or I'd be on here begging for food donations!!

                        2. re: mamachef

                          Oh mamachef, I am never on this board. I wish I saw this earlier. And I wish you were on the east coast, so I could bring you good food and good wine/liquor to sustain you. Or I wish I was on the west coast and could bring you Hubert to serve you good food and good wine ;)

                          I know the drain that alzheimers can cause--my thoughts and parayers are with you Marci.

                          1. re: gaffk

                            Thank you for the love, gaffk. I am getting so much support, and I am so, so very grateful. ((you))

                          2. re: mamachef

                            oh Marci - there are no words. It sucks! Just not fair. I don't believe that stuff about you only get what you can bear - who needs to be tested to their limits? It seems that you certainly have given so much of yourself to all that are fortunate to be in your world - and that includes all of us out here in CH universe. I am going to temple this weekend as it is my first husband's yarhzeit - I will say my own prayers for you and those you love.
                            Keep your strength and your smile.

                            1. re: smilingal

                              smilingal, I didn't realize how close this was to you. I am so sorry to hear about his passing. Yahrzeit can be such a beautiful and communal healing process for you and for the whole community. If I lived close, I'd offer to host the Oneg. That must mean the unveiling is imminent too, yes? My arms are just so tight around you right now. My dad died in very early November many years ago, and Mike's birthday would've been 13 November, so it sounds like these fall months are difficult for us both.
                              There are just no words, honey. I will be going to synagogue as well. If you'll e-mail me his name, I'd like to speak it at temple as well, and my prayers will likewise be with you. Please, feel free to write me at my regular e-mail (on profile) if you want to talk or to vent. And meanwhile, know that you have a friend in me.

                            2. re: mamachef

                              Oh Marci, there are no words adequate for what you have been going through. I am not even going to try. Sending you a big hug and much love and prayers. xoxo

                              1. re: mamachef

                                Oh mamachef, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know your loved ones (family and friends) will continue to support you during this time and I hope that you use them to lean on when you need to. Your incredible personal strength is much admired.

                        3. mamachef, I'm so sorry to hear this. I knew from an older post that you were dealing with illness but did not realize it was your dear son you were cooking for.

                          So glad you have found friendship, distraction, and comfort here. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers, mamachef.

                          My husband and I will make a point of raising a glass (hard liquor, then!) in Mike's honor this evening.


                          1 Reply
                          1. re: fern

                            I am sorry for your loss mamachef.

                          2. Marci, I am so sorry for your loss. I am fairly new to CH and did not know about your son. What I have learned about you in the past few months is that you are a lovely and generous person who freely shares your love and knowledge of good food with others. Knowing the very challenging circumstances you have faced all this time just makes your generosity that much more meaningful.

                            God bless you & your family,