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Funniest Thing a Server Said to You

Probably are some good stories that could be fun.

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  1. "Gimme FIVE minutes, and I'll give you *EXCELLENT* service!!!" (as he walked away from our table only to return 25 minutes later...)

    GAH. Who SAYS that???

    57 Replies
      1. re: Breadcrumbs

        LOL. The memory is much funnier than the experience. :)

      2. re: inaplasticcup

        My H and I were dining at a restaurant in Quebec. We were trying to speak French and the server was trying to speak English. We asked him what the soup du jour and the house made pate du jour were. Both times he struggled with the English - he had to ask another server to help him with the soup - it was vegatable, which is the same in French and English just pronounced differently! The pate was even funnier - he actually pantomimed the animal the pate was made from and we guessed it....ostrich! Which is also the same word in French and English!!

        Related hilarious story - we were traveling with friends who are kind of snooty about their ability to speak French (always speaking French in front of those who do not speak it). We were on an Air France flight and the attendant came to ask our friend something in French - the friend replied "I'll have the salmon". The attendant then switched to English and said "Madame, I was asking if you were able to operate the emergency exit"!

        1. re: kireland

          "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you're seated in an emergency exit row, in the event of an emergency, you will be instructed to grab the fish. Thank you."

          1. re: kireland

            I had a similar experience in Florence. I thought I understood what I was ordering but thought I had better ask, just to be sure. I pointed to the menu and in infantile Italian asked the waiter, "What animal?" His face showed some consternation, he held up one finger, and then went around to other customers, obviously asking for help with English. He came back a few moments later looking rather relieved and, very laboriously, got out the word "hare." I thought that's what it was. I was just dreading the Bugs Bunny impression that I was afraid was coming.

            The dish was delicious, by the way.

            1. re: rockycat

              Sounds like when my now-ex-husband was in the hospital in Carcasonne, France. His meal came with the label hand-written and not very clear. We were all trying to figure out what the meat was, when his roommate leaned over and said "Baaaaaaaa". We got it. (I think I may have mentioned this in another thread)

              1. re: tracylee

                A-do-rable in English or French. Too cute.

                      1. re: mariacarmen

                        I was in Thailand and asked a street vendor what kind of meat he was serving on a stick. We had a rather funny back and forth based on the fact that I used "moo" to describe a cow, without knowing that "moo" is the Thai word for pig.

                        *point*
                        Moo.
                        Moo?
                        *finger horns*
                        Moo?
                        *head shake*
                        *pig nose with noises*
                        Moo.

                        1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                          LOL!!!!! excellent mental image with this one - i just choked on my tea :)

                          1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                            i was advising friends who were going to thailand (fuck that was a long time ago - maybe 88) as i had been there the year before. i told them that "moo" mean pig, which we thought was funny. then one asked me "if 'moo' is pig what's cow?" i answered "Khao is rice..".

                            1. re: thew

                              Thank the gods of food, that I learned this here.

                              I would have assumed that "moo," meant beef.

                              Little did I know.

                              Hunt

                    1. re: tracylee

                      When my mom went to the hospital, and we were settling her in, she picked up the menu. On the bottom it said, "Asian Menu available". We got v. excited, and asked the nurse for the Asian Menu. She looked at us quizzically, and asked us why would we want the Asian Menu. Didn't we read English? It turned out that it was an Asian translation of the menu, not actually Asian food choices. We had a good laugh, although we were a bit disappointed!

                      1. re: CookieLee

                        Gee, there are a whole lot of different languages in Asia. I wonder which Asian language the menu was translated into...

                        1. re: Tripeler

                          I wonder if they had a European translated menu, as well?

                            1. re: Tripeler

                              My guess is that it was in Mandarin.

                          1. re: tracylee

                            I was at this tiny restaurant in Carcassonne and ordered le lapin. The waiter proceeded to, in rapid fire French (I was 14, but reasonably proficient in French), tell me the long convoluted story about why they were out of rabbit. At my confused look, he finally just said "Le lapin," miming bunny ears "est finie" with the finger across the throat motion. I had to chuckle.

                            1. re: kubasd

                              Yeah, Bugs Bunny, or at least Roger Rabbit.

                              Hunt

                              1. re: kubasd

                                well I'd hope it was dead (ok recently that is) and cooked as bunny isn't known for lending itself to tartare/carpaccio, although...

                                (I know he meant ended as in dinner service, but that can interpreted to mean so many things)

                                1. re: hill food

                                  ha! Yeah, can't say i've ever heard of rabbit tartare....

                                  1. re: kubasd

                                    Had it at Chez L'Ami Jean in Paris a few years back. The legs were confited but the saddle was room temp raw. It was amazing.

                                    1. re: Delucacheesemonger

                                      hmm... now you have me wanting to try rabbit tartare, thanks for the info!! Now to find someplace that serves it in New England... I love food missions :)

                              2. re: tracylee

                                My dad told a similar story. He was in Germany with some friends and one of his friends wanted goat meat (he was African) and his friend bleated like a goat. LOL

                                1. re: nikkib99

                                  I don't think I could tell the difference between a goat bleat and a lamb/sheep bleat

                                  1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                    A shepherd once told me that a lamb/sheep's bleat is cuter.

                                2. re: rockycat

                                  When I was an undergrad I spent the summer in Spain living with a host mother. She did not speak English and I did not speak Spanish. The only way she could describe the meat in her paella was to point and say "bugs bunny". The only other English she said to me that summer was "Tom Cruise, is gay?"

                                  One of the first few nights I was there she was trying to describe to me, entirely through pantomime, that it was not okay to get drunk and throw up in the house (she had been hosting college students for awhile).

                                  1. re: jao204

                                    this is hilarious! two great laughs tonight! (yours and AmyH's below.)

                                    1. re: jao204

                                      Oh my god, I died laughing at your anecdote, jao.

                                  2. re: kireland

                                    "he actually pantomimed the animal the pate was made from and we guessed it....ostrich!"

                                    That is hilarious! I have no idea how to do an ostrich impression--would've loved to have seen that.

                                    1. re: kireland

                                      We were eating in a restaurant in Bolivia that had picante de lengua (spicy stew of tongue) on the menu. I asked the waiter what animal the tongue came from and he said "pollo" (chicken). I was surprised that they could make a dish with chicken tongues and wondered how many it would take. We both had a good laugh when it became clear that the other picante option on the menu was picante de pollo (spicy chicken stew) and that the tongue was regular cow tongue.

                                          1. re: AmyH

                                            There's a restaurant here that has duck tongue tacos (http://extravirginkc.com/). Every time I take someone new there, they comment on that menu item. One person said she didn't even know ducks had tongues!

                                            1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                              Amazing! All sorts of interesting things on that menu. Next time you go there, could you order the duck tongue tacos and let me know how many it takes to fill a taco?

                                              1. re: AmyH

                                                I've had them a number of times. The tacos are rather small, and the tongue meat is sliced. According to this page ( http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/20... ), duck tongues are two inches in length and have a bone down the middle.

                                                I wonder if the crunch from a duck tongue taco has an echo?

                                                 
                                                1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                  Interesting! I'm impressed that they're big enough to slice. But chicken tongues can't be more than half an inch. How do they taste (the tacos, not the tongues)?

                                                  Crack.... Quack!

                                                  1. re: AmyH

                                                    Well, as far as size goes, there has to be something to...fill the bill?

                                                  2. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                    a duck tongue has a bone down the middle? quite odd!

                                                    i must say that chowhound has always spurred me on to research and learn more, so here it is: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/20...

                                                      1. re: buttertart

                                                        Everywhere I have found refers to it as bone. This site ( http://www.tinyurbankitchen.com/2009/... ) says it turns into cartilage towards the end (which end I have no idea)

                                                    1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                      I've had duck tongue tacos, no crunch, looks like maybe 4 or 5 to fill a taco. They're at China Poblano at the Cosmopolitan, in case you were wondering. They're the Silencio tacos.

                                                      This brings back memories of the time I was wandering the aisles of the local Chinese grocery and saw Cryovac trays of duck tongues in the freezer section. I grabbed the package, and chased my friend around the freezer section waving the package while making "BLBLBLBLBLBL" noises with my tongue. He didn't think it was as funny.

                                                      1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                        I thought duck tongue should be served with quackers.

                                                        1. re: G8trDoc

                                                          Oh that SO deserves a groan, G8tr! lol

                                                          1. re: G8trDoc

                                                            That comment didn't make me groan. In fact, it quacked me up

                                                      2. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                        The FoodTV show "Best Thing I Ever Ate" did a Halloween-themed show focusing on scary foods. Curtis Stone talked about the Extra Virgin duck tongue tacos.
                                                        http://www.foodnetwork.com/local/mo-k...

                                                    2. re: kireland

                                                      I would worry if the waiter pantomined Foie Gras. Very funny story:)

                                                  3. Ate a restaurant called Crabby Joe's (motto: Good food. Good fun. Bad temper), the 4 of us all ordered french onion soup to start. Someone else (not the original waitress) bring them to our table, and says in obvious disgust "Everyone the same thing? Whatever."
                                                    It took me a second to remember where we were and then laughing, had to explain it to the other 3.

                                                    Actually has me wanting to go back. :)

                                                    58 Replies
                                                    1. re: Midknight

                                                      at an Outback Steakhouse, very young and inexperienced server. My wife and I ordered dinner then I looked at the wine list and asked for a certain wine. Server comes back with one glass for me. I said, I'm sorry, we meant a bottle.

                                                      She says, "Wow, you want da whole bottle ??!!"

                                                      ....Sorry I meant to reply to the OP.

                                                      1. re: Dave_in_PA

                                                        OK, reminds me of a wine retort.

                                                        Went to a new restaurant in Denver, that prided themselves on their wine list. We were doing lunch, but I ordered a bottle of the Ridge Lytton Springs Zinfandel.

                                                        In a few minutes, the server came back, and apologized, "that's not a White Zinfandel, but a White Merlot." I was caught off guard for a moment, but then realized that they had some sort of Rosé, that must have been done with the Merlot grape. I went on to explain that the wine that I wanted WAS a Zin, and not a Rosé of Zin. So much for their "wine savvy" place in the dining community, though the food, the Ridge and the rest of the service was good.

                                                        Hunt

                                                        1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                          We had that problem ordering Zin Zins in the Midwest when the white was all the rage. Snif...thinking of all the Zins that would be wonderful now had they been made red...

                                                          1. re: buttertart

                                                            Every now and then, we'll order a wine from the server, and he/she'll drop back by saying something along the lines of "you know that is a 'red Zinfandel.' don't you?"

                                                            As it was a Turley 101, I am only HOPING that it is red! [Grin]

                                                            Hunt

                                                            1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                              That has happened to us occasionally too. Grr!

                                                              1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                Ah, but you'd be surprised how many people order a "zin" and expect some pink crap.

                                                                1. re: kimmer1850

                                                                  That was part of what I took away from the exchange too.

                                                                  Though it iscgetting a bit OT here, not that long ago, I saw a short wine list, and the two Zins had "(red Zinfandel)" after the names.

                                                                  Also, and for the very first time, I saw one where several bigger white Burgs, and even two domestic (US) Chards had, "(served at cellar temp)." Like the Zin part of it, I can well imagine how many have ordered those wines, not knowing anything about them, and then complained to the server, "waiter, this wine is hot!"

                                                                  Maybe we need a thread for servers, waiters, chefs, hosts/hostesses, GM's and sommeliers, along the line "Funniest Things That a Patron Has Ever Said?"

                                                                  Hunt

                                                                  1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                    Hi Bill - I did start that thread too a few days ago about funny things patrons say: http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/788105 There are some good stories there as well.

                                                                    1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                      My kingdom for quality Old Vines Zinfandels!

                                                                      1. re: pilotgirl210

                                                                        How about some Pinot's for your Cessna?...;)

                                                                        1. re: Veggo

                                                                          I'm impressed!! Most people have no clue what the 210 stands for, and as an Oregonian, I love our pinots !! Or white bordeaux or tempranillo or syrah or.... I am sooooo easy! I have a great rhinestoned T-shirt that shows three wine glasses....each half full with a white, a rose and a red with the words *Group Therapy*. That pretty well sums it up for me. You know the old pilots' saying: *Eight hours from bottle to throttle, eight seconds from throttle to bottle!*

                                                                    2. re: kimmer1850

                                                                      As a server, I've really enjoyed reading this thread, and felt I had to weigh in to agree with kimmer1850. Until recently, I lived in the Caribbean, where I waited on people from all over the world. Believe me, people from all over the world think zinfandel is a pink wine. I even remember one woman who corrected me when I told another customer it was red; she thought the grape itself was white, and would've argued with me had I gone there! (She was from Connecticut) Now I live in Sonoma County, CA, where zin rules, and so far, everyone knows it's a red wine AND grape!

                                                                      1. re: stxmermaid

                                                                        Isn't there a White Zin wine? Although it's actually pink?

                                                                        1. re: randyjl

                                                                          there is a rose, but most often usu. red, it can come in various shades depending on the vintner.

                                                                          1. re: hill food

                                                                            We were dining in a small rural town once and Mom ordered a glass of white zin. The flustered young waitress came out and said: "It says white on the bottle, but the wine's pink!"

                                                                          2. re: randyjl

                                                                            There are Rosé versions of many grape varietals, and White Zinfandel is but one. You can get a Rosé of Cabernet Sauvignon, Grenache (very common), Merlot, and many others.

                                                                            The White Zinfandels are most popular in the US, and can be any color from very light, tinted pink, to rather deeper "salmon." From IT, ES, FR and elsewhere, a Rosé wine can come from many different grapes, though most regions/countries limit the varietals. Unlike most US White Zins, those can be colored anywhere from very light pink to rather dark salmon.

                                                                            White Zinfandel was sort of a marketing ploy, using a common international process, of producing a tinted wine from a "red varietal," and possibly actually saved the US Zinfandel grapes. Many have a certain amount of RS (residual sugar), or have had sugar added. With most other Rosé wines, from elsewhere, that is not likely to happen, or very unlikely to happen at the same level. In many countries, some fairly serious Rosé wines are made, and most are totally unlike a US White Zin. Now, there ARE several very good Rosés of various grapes, done by US vintners, like Beckman.

                                                                            Rosés are "serious wines," but many wine drinkers, and especially those newer to wines, turn up their noses at ANY "pink wine," associating them all with White Zinfandel, which is NOT assumed to be a "serious wine," though it DID introduce many new wine drinkers to less austere wines - most wine drinkers, who now consider themselves as "serious," will not admit to ever having tasted it.

                                                                            I tried for some years, to introduce members of my International Wine & Food Society to Rosés, but most refused to even try them, assuming that ALL pink wines were just like White Zinfandels.

                                                                            Such is life, and perception.

                                                                            Hunt

                                                                            1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                              I had a server at a French bistro (he was French), kiss my hand when I ordered a rose on a warm afternoon. "Perfect! This is a day for a good rosé!". I was quite flattered, and he was very cute.

                                                                              1. re: cosmogrrl

                                                                                Now that IS great!

                                                                                Not sure what all went into that event, but I feel that a great Rosé gets far, far too little love in the US, and maybe FROM US patrons?

                                                                                Still, sounds like a wonderful experience - in Paris, I let the servers (usually gentlemen) kiss my lovely wife's hand - and that is not difficult, as she speaks French, and I only speak English, or Spanish... [Grin] OTOH, the servers kissed my wife's hand, when in Mexico, and I placed all the orders. They just assumed that SHE was the Hispanic person in our couple, though I did all the speaking. Wishful thinking? I felt like Señor Wences - they all talked to her, but I answered. They fawned over her, but I always answered. Still, we got by for a 30 day honeymoon, into the interior. Heck, when we crossed back into the US, the Customs & Immigration folk demanded HER papers!

                                                                                Nice story, and thank you for sharing.

                                                                                Hunt

                                                                                1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                  's OK, 's alright.

                                                                                  wow you don't see a Señor Wences reference everyday. who's next, Topo Gigio?

                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                    topo gigio speaks his native italian as well as spanish and english (when he became popular, my parents bought me a ceramic topo gigio sculpture/doll that sat on my chest of drawers. he had a large bobble-head, and was dressed in real clothes -- a red & white sailor striped top, as i recall). ( i wish i had him now, but i think his head had an accidente. ;-((.

                                                                                    and i am a huge fan of dry french rosés, having been introduced by "french country wines" in houston, texas. great folks there!

                                                                                    1. re: alkapal

                                                                                      food & wine related topic:

                                                                                      topo gigio sometimes seemed like he had been drinking just a bit, no? this one looks like my topo!

                                                                                       
                                                                                        1. re: alkapal

                                                                                          Obviously, he had either been drinking a FR Rosé, or perhaps an IT Rosato. Both interesting wines, and NOT to be confused with US White Zinfandels, of similar coloration, though there ARE some interesting US Rosés, but mostly from other varietals, than Zinfandel.

                                                                                          Hunt

                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                        You can never tell. If you "miss a day, you miss a lot... " [Grin]

                                                                                        Hunt

                                                                              2. re: stxmermaid

                                                                                The Rosé version of many grape varietals, can be a bit of a problem. Also, some folk ONLY experience the Rosé version, of some.

                                                                                Since this is an older thread, I cannot recall if I mentioned this situation. At a high-middle restaurant in Denver, we ordered a particular Zinfandel (red) for lunch. The server returned and stated, "That wine is really a white Merlot." We looked at him, and asked him to please explain. His next comment was, "Well, it's listed as a White Zinfandel, but it's really a white Merlot." At that point, I saw the issue, retrieved the wine list, and once more, pointed to the Zinfandel, that we wanted - not a White Zinfandel, or a "white Merlot." He looked at me funny and stated, "Don't you know that all Zinfandels are pink?" I took him aside and explained Zinfandel and White Zinfandels, plus other Rosés of red grapes. Not sure that he ever fully understood.

                                                                                Similar happened at a near-by table, many years ago. The table's host ordered a particular Burgundy from the wine list. The server, or sommelier brought the ordered wine, and presented it. The host accepted it, but, when a tasting pour was offered, he was furious. The wine was white, and just what he ordered. He refused it, and ordered something else. When the server/sommelier left the table, to retrieve the second wine, the host commented loudly, for all to hear, "what sort of restaurant is this? Everyone knows that all Burgundies are red!" Well, I stopped the server/sommelier and took the opened white Burg (a Montrachet), at a greatly discounted price. I smiled, and toasted the near-by table's host, and enjoyed my white Burgundy.

                                                                                OK, that was one from a server, and another from a patron, but you get the picture, or I hope that you do. Too many folk, on both sides of the equation do not know squat about wines, and often it shows.

                                                                                Hunt

                                                                                1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                  Just think of all the lovely red Zins that could have been produced had the evil white Zin not have been invented. What a waste.
                                                                                  Current favorite, a stunner: http://www.noceto.com/productinfotabs...

                                                                                  1. re: buttertart

                                                                                    Oh, I completely agree!

                                                                                    White Zin from Sutter Home, and then Beringer and others, allowed many of those very old Zin vines to survive. Then, some winemakers took it upon themselves to develop those old Zin vines.

                                                                                    Michael DeLoach told me a tale, about when his father, Cecil DeLoach bought some vineyard land, when he retired from the SF Fire Department. On two, there were some very old Zin vines. The sellers, asked him to keep those old vines, and on a handshake, he agreed to do so. His bankers begged him to rip them out and plant "popular" varietals, like Merlot. He refused, as had shaken the sellers' hands. In time, he explored those old vines, with small quantities of grapes. He experimented with the output, and discovered that they produced some GREAT Zinfandel (the red kind... grin]. He was so glad that he had been good to his word, as those were very special Zinfandel vines, and the wines were great.

                                                                                    Yes, the much maligned White Zin had many benefits, beyond the direct profits for Sutter Home, and others.

                                                                                    Hunt

                                                                                    1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                      "on two" uhh vines? acres? multi-acre plots?

                                                                                      I'm guessing the latter otherwise why would the bankers (investors maybe?) care as long as he was good for the debt.

                                                                                      while my current state's wine industry is vibrant and still uninteresting, it does allow me a smirk that during the blight in the 19th c. root stock from here was sent back to Europe to restore their yards.

                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                        Bill Hunt & buttertart

                                                                                        PINK ZIN played a big financial role when the California wine industry was hurting.

                                                                                        Harvest to table was 6-9 months for a return.The alternative was 2-4 years to realize any return.Simple $$$$ Not all bad when plan B was very often to rip out vines.I don't drink PINK ZIN,,,,but when looked at from the inception I can't slam it.

                                                                                        1. re: lcool

                                                                                          You are right economically speaking, lcool (I was drinking Zins in the 70's and remember the bad old days for the industry).

                                                                                          1. re: lcool

                                                                                            No argument. It did two things, and I believe that I have mentioned them both - it allowed many Zinfandel vines (really leftover from before and during Prohibition, plus introduced millions of US drinkers to wines.

                                                                                            Though not a fan of what we have known as White Zinfandel, I do doff my hat to the marketing strategy behind that.

                                                                                            Hunt

                                                                                          2. re: hill food

                                                                                            Well, the bankers were urging Cecil DeLoach to plant a varietal, that was "hot" at the time. It happened all up and down Napa and Sonoma. Most bankers want the greatest ROI. This is very common practice.

                                                                                            Hunt

                                                                                            1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                              I can understand that, but given the years it can take to establish good vines, I can't help but wonder if they (the bankers) would have been better off thinking about what the next 'hot' varietal might be rather than the flavor of the moment.

                                                                                              it is interesting watching the popularity arcs of any given type of wine (and food) and the when/where as the interests move across the country.

                                                                                              1. re: hill food

                                                                                                Oh I agree. There are so many considerations, regarding the planting of vines, but then, if one has lent $, they DO look for ROI. Bankers are seldom in the business of making great wines, and "betting on the come."

                                                                                                Hunt

                                                                                                1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                  well yeah they want to see their money now, hence my confusion of not chugging (so to speak) forward with the vines they had.

                                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                                    I am sure that I have missed some "banker-driven" wineries, and their products, but wine is made, first in the vineyard, and then in the barrel house, or mixing room - seldom in a banker's office.

                                                                                                    I have had the pleasure of talking with many winemakers, who bucked their bankers, and not only made very good, to great wines, but also made $ for all concerned.

                                                                                                    Same thing when bankers try to run a restaurant. They often fail badly.

                                                                                                    Hunt

                                                                                            2. re: hill food

                                                                                              i've got a book from the library called "beyond jefferson's vines..." that you might enjoy!

                                                                                              http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Jefferso...

                                                                                              1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                I WILL have to look for that, I love histories of consumables we take for granted. although I will remain largely skeptical of most VA (or MO or NY or TX...) wine.

                                                                              3. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                slurp drool...Ridge zinfandel...*sigh*

                                                                                1. re: toodie jane

                                                                                  Paul Draper does some great Zins, plus the Monte Bello, but if you ever, ever get the chance, try Larry Turley's 101. It's grown in a tiny vineyard, right in a cloverleaf exchange on Hwy 101. It is a slight departure for Larry, and is more like Paul's touch, but with differences.

                                                                                  OK, back to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

                                                                                  Hunt

                                                                                  1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                    ah, the wonderful world of hydrocarbons.

                                                                                    1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                      Thank you for the tip in any case, my favorite CA wines. Amador especially.

                                                                                      1. re: buttertart

                                                                                        Amador is great, and so is Santa Cruz Mountains, and then Sierra Foothills! Lots of places, that the mainstream has never heard of, though they might know the wines.

                                                                                        Hunt

                                                                                          1. re: buttertart

                                                                                            Doing one tonight!

                                                                                            So many good wines, and so little time...

                                                                                            Hunt

                                                                              4. re: Midknight

                                                                                Once went to a restaurant supposed to be like the Middle Ages - we sat on big wooden logs covered with furs, there was a lots of straw around... and the servers were supposed to be rude.

                                                                                So this guy comes in and asks us - what're you doing here? what do you want, you rabble? in a very patronising voice. And my husband, in a very good mood, answered - what are you waiting for? bring us the food and wine, you bastard (he used a very old version of the word), or I'll get you whipped.

                                                                                The guy actually looked at us in horror and left immediatelly, leaving the service to his colleague. I actually think that he has been dishing out verbal abuse without anybody ever answering him back!

                                                                                  1. re: sasicka

                                                                                    Hm-m, sounds like a Renaissance Festival.

                                                                                    Could be fun, or maybe not?

                                                                                    Hunt

                                                                                    1. re: sasicka

                                                                                      <<or I'll get you whipped.>>

                                                                                      Was that on the first page of the menu, or later on? Did it cost more, or was it included?

                                                                                      Hunt

                                                                                      1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                        What, you don't like a nice beating to top off your meal? What's wrong with you?
                                                                                        Great story. Interesting shtick for them to try out - I've been to Ed Debevics in Chicago, where they do the same thing, only in a '50's style diner. The waitresses are supposed to be rude, saucy, and quick with the comebacks. It was fun. One time, it was fun. Kids really like it though. :)

                                                                                        1. re: mamachef

                                                                                          My parents took me to Ed Debevics when I was little, and I thought it was hilariously shocking how rude the waiters were! Until our waiter got out a furry plastic jumping spider on a string and took everything just a step too far... Admittedly, 20 years later, I'd probably still cry!

                                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                                            Dick's Last Resort does much the same thing. The first time I went there the waiter managed to insult each member of the party, calling us old, fat, hicks, and more. At one point, someone was asking about their beer selection and the waiter said "It's just freaking alcohol. You drink it and you get drunk. Pick something already."

                                                                                            I didn't get the appeal.

                                                                                            1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                                                              Ah yes, Dick's can be a tad "over the top," but when you have done one, you sort of know what to expect - well, sort of...

                                                                                              Hunt

                                                                                              1. re: 2roadsdiverge

                                                                                                I hated Dick's and was appalled at the way they treated us.
                                                                                                We were in The Flats in Cleveland and the wait staff was just brutal.
                                                                                                I'd never been nor had my girlfriend but the guys had been and knew what we were all in for.
                                                                                                We all had a great night but not having anything to do with that place.

                                                                                              2. re: mamachef

                                                                                                Some of the "retro-themed" places sort of catch me "off-guard," and not with just the menu, but the full presentation... Not sure how to take some things, but that is just me.

                                                                                                Hunt

                                                                                                1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                  The opposite of retro... You might find Space Aliens Bar & Grill in Fargo, Bismarck, Grand Forks or Minot, ND to be out of this world.

                                                                                        2. At Compass in NYC last year - great meal, gracious and attentive but very young server. As she was telling us of the specials of the day, she announced the magret de canard as "margaret duck breast." Pleased to meet you, Margaret!

                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                          1. re: BobB

                                                                                            That reminds me of a time I was at a donut shop and I asked the young lady what kind of cream was in the cream filled donuts. She replied, "Barbarian cream."

                                                                                              1. re: beevod

                                                                                                In Montrichard, where in the film 'Catch me if you can' they did.

                                                                                                Me in a bar wasting time for the Sunday afternoon film.

                                                                                                I asked for a coke, on asking 'How much,' she said:

                                                                                                FF`14.75, Would you like to F*^k me?

                                                                                                This was said in French and I was in my seat at the cinema before it came to me.

                                                                                                1. re: Naguere

                                                                                                  Would you like to ---k me? That resonates from a waitress in Lausanne, exact words. Gotta love Switzerland.

                                                                                                  1. re: Naguere

                                                                                                    I'm missing something....

                                                                                                    EDIT: ohhh she was actually asking that, just in French.... a bit slow tonight!

                                                                                                2. I was 20 and went out to dinner with my boyfriend, his sister, and his dad at the Captain's Quarters in Brooklyn. I was NOT a young-looking 20-year old. When we ordered dessert, I ordered chocolate cake. I did not drink coffee and ordered milk with it. The waiter brought our orders and served everyone but me. He swooped down with my glass and said, "And here's milk for the baby." And there went his 20%.

                                                                                                  A few years later, I was having lunch with a friend at the Houlihan's near the Empire State Building. Our waiter was flirty. When we requested the bill, he put his acting comp card (photos, phone number) in the receipt folder. As I opened it, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "By the way, I'm not gay."

                                                                                                  4 Replies
                                                                                                  1. re: foodiemom10583

                                                                                                    Ha! That reminds me of the time I went out to eat with a bunch of friends. One guy was desperately hitting on the waiter (who was wearing about 10 different gay pride buttons on his shirt). When my friend asked him out, he replied, "I'm not gay."

                                                                                                    1. re: Miss Needle

                                                                                                      LOL! How did that play with your companion and with the group?

                                                                                                      Hunt

                                                                                                      1. re: Bill Hunt

                                                                                                        We all thought it was very funny, especially since the guy was a piece of work. He adamantly kept denying he was gay (even though he kept dragging us to gay clubs and bars) and accused everybody in the group of being in the closet -- of course, everybody with the exception of him. We all shrugged off his accusations because we knew he was just projecting. When the waiter told him he was straight, we did our very best to keep a straight face -- though it was a bit difficult. I was also amazed that the waiter was able to say that with a straight face as well!

                                                                                                        Thank goodness that he came out about five years later. I'm happy that he's being honest with himself.

                                                                                                        1. re: Miss Needle

                                                                                                          I cannot imagine how you were able to stay calm. Glad that you did, as there was probably enough embarrassment in the room, to fill the QE2.

                                                                                                          Still, a good one!

                                                                                                          Hunt