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Apr 17, 2011 05:30 PM

Pesach when you're not kosher but your spouse is (or trying to be!)

I'm just curious if anyone else is in a similar situation. My spouse is not fully kosher at all (he can't give up his bacon) but is definitely avoiding the bread for Passover. I'm not:} While I'm extremely proud to be Jewish, I just feel hypocritical as I'm not very religious. This doesn't bother him (though he would be happy if I felt differently). Anyone else in the same boat?

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  1. Mom refuses to give up her bran cereal for breakfast during Passover, and after 40+ years Dad still hasn't walked out on her ;)

    1 Reply
    1. re: goodhealthgourmet

      I can't give up the bran for breakfast, either. My son and husband have no intentions of trading me in. :)

    2. I'll start off by saying, I am any the same boat.

      Sometimes I think we need a special sub-board just for these posts.

      Nicole, if it is of any help. The heavenly penalty for eating Chametz (bread) is, by the book, and I mean THE BOOK, far worse than eating treif. (pork)

      Try not to let feelings of "hypocrisy" overtake what ever you are trying TO DO for Passover.
      Embrace very achievable goals

      Are you going to a sedar?

      3 Replies
      1. re: vallevin

        We're hosting our family seder in an hour actually:} We're also going to the 2nd seder at our synagogue tomorrow. Thanks for the info; I actually did not know that eating chametz is worse than eating pork. At the same time, if I'm going to avoid chametz I will do it because I want to and not because I feel I should. Otherwise it would seem hollow to me. My hubby understands this. In college I had a boyfriend who "insisted" I avoid chametz. I avoided chametz while eating shrimp :) I know Judaism cares about actions and not always intentions, but my intention at the time was not pi++ing off my boyfriend and not because I felt any religious obligation.

        1. re: NicoleFriedman

          Avoiding chametz for you may be more about following in the tradition of your parents, grandparents, and beyond. It may be about solidarity with your husband and family. It may be an act of connecting with the heritage that you're so proud of. Hope this helps, and chag sameach!

      2. don't feel hypocritical. something is better than nothing, right?

        1. Yes, Vallevin makes an important point. It could be that your spouse is acting on tradition passed on which originates in the more stringent nature of not eating Chametz on Passover over not eating Treif in general. If you are observant, eating leavened foods on Passover is a more serious transgression than eating bacon. In the end, whether people choose to observe or not, I do think it is terribly sad that many of us (observant Jews too) do not know the difference/origin between the bible commandments, commandments of our sages and regional customs. Our culture is so rich that it warrants much study and attention in order to understand the intricacies. I don't think I've ever seen anyone offer that kind of course. If they did, I would love to attend myself. Sorry for the tangent. I know this wasn't what you asked for. I wish you both a happy and healthy Passover.

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