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Gay Friendly

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I'm really not trying to insult anyone or any group. (usually people say that then insult said person or group, I hope not too) but what is Gay Friendly. I'm reading a review on yelp about Downcity in Rhode Island (on Kitchen Nightmares) and people keep talking about Gay Friendly. While I'm not gay, I am black and I never think of a restaurant being Black Friendly, even though I've had Black Unfriendly.

What makes a restaurant Gay Friendly? Just wondering.

  1. Not being told to "Get Out" or "Leave" [or, at the least, being stared at hostilely and given barely any service] because you are there with someone of the same sex and you are holding hands (briefly) or being a little affectionate - or being there with a young child who, it becomes clear, is part of a "family unit" [from observed behavior] with you and this person of the same sex. Not being told in this context that "your disgusting behavior" [with or without child] is not "Family Friendly" according to the restaurant/place and that you need to leave because they don't want "Your Type" there setting a lascivious example/spectacle for other "Wholesome Family People" who might be eating there especially if they have other "Normal" children there. Rather, one is welcomed and given prompt and obliging service for being a person who fits these descriptions or similar. Do you get the idea?

    It is interesting that you needed to ask. Perhaps one might consider that there are other classes of people other than Blacks who experience discrimination.

    5 Replies
    1. re: huiray

      Excellent response! that I hope makes others think more than a bit, as part of being gay-unfriendly is the other customers.

      Food is sexual but sexual orientation does NOT determine where everyone eats! People who feel and worst, indicate, their concept that people need to be of a "certain ordained" orientation should not eat in public are the first ones who should not eat in public.

      Just saying.

      1. re: huiray

        Thank you very much. I don't think of Gay people as being different which made me ask the question. But your response made me say.."yeah okay I get it now".

        I've experience discrimination myself. When we were travelling to a family reunion on a bus, we stopped at a restaurant. My father and a couple of uncles got out to see if there was enough seats for everyone. I could see someone run to the door as they approached. I seen them talking them my uncles grabbed my father as he went for the guy at the door. They were told that the place was closed, even though the place was full. I was 12 years old and at 47 I'll never forget the look on his face.

        Thanks again for the lesson

        1. re: Just Plain Craig

          JPC, glad I could be of some assistance. I'm sure you have many stories that you could share with folks, too.

          Cheers.

        2. re: huiray

          Wow, this is very interesting! I guess I've never thought about this before. When I was working as a server (years ago), it never occurred to me to notice the orientation or even the ethnicity of the people I was serving. I was so freaked out about doing my job well (I sucked at it, which is why I'm a generous tipper today) that my biggest concern wasn't who might be holding hands with whom, but whether I could avoid spilling something burning hot on them and possibly salvage a tip.

          1. re: huiray

            I think that JPC was wondering at the "accommodation" being made for gays, when there isn't one for blacks - although prejudice against both still exists. There should be no "accommodation", there should be no "tolerance" - we have to "tolerate" gays and/or blacks?? It should just be people eating at a restaurant - period, and the only time you are not made to feel welcome is when you behave badly. but of course, that's not the way it is everywhere, even at this late date.

          2. I'm not 100% myself!:} I assume it means that a restaurant has a regular gay clientele. Therefore, if you are part of a gay couple, you'll likely feel comfortable eating there as you most likely will see other gay couples. Living in NYC this is not uncommon in standard restaurants. I'm sure though that the label would be much appreciated if you were to live in Kansas though:} I must say that as open as people are or say they are, many people still get squeamish if they see two men holding hands. Ironically, if they went to the Middle East they'd be extremely uncomfortable.... there it's unusual for men not to hold hands:} (Although unfortuantey they also are fervently homophobic... go figure)

            3 Replies
            1. re: NicoleFriedman

              Now, now... let's not start hatin' on Kansas! There's a lot more to Kansas than the Westboro Church.

              1. re: KansasKate

                I think that's the point of the thread right :D No hatin'.

                1. re: Sue in Mt P

                  true, Kansas can pleasantly surprise one. I'm not moving back anytime soon, but met some very nice and progressive folks when I did live there.

            2. gender neutral bathrooms are a plus for transgender ppls

              3 Replies
                1. re: PotatoPuff

                  Not to mention to avoid the ridiculously long lines that sometimes form at the womens' restroom!

                  1. re: PotatoPuff

                    I USED to disagree, because guys tend to pee all over the seat. But women seem to be pretty competent at spraying all over the toilet now-days, as well, so it definitely makes sense. And yes, avoiding those long ladies' lines is very welcome!

                  2. I've only ever seen this in relation to vacation destinations (Montreal for eg). But it's funny, as I followed a link from I think the HP the other day with a list of restaurants, and one of them was described and a reference made to "while much of the clientele are gay" because of the amount of bars in the area.

                    I remember thinking, well that's weird. I wasn't sure if it was just elaborating that all were welcome, or if it was a heads up to the unsuspecting who might encounter, "teh gays, oh noes!!!!"

                    1 Reply
                    1. re: im_nomad

                      Same here, but I think it might be because I live in a very "gay friendly" community. I honestly can't imagine any of the restaurants or other businesses around here being unfriendly to anyone, much less an entire demographic group. They would go out of business pretty fast.

                    2. Living in NYC I've never encountered "Gay Unfriendly." My best guess is that if a restaurant made it uncomfortable for gay clients and workers they would soon be out of business.
                      But that is in NYC, a big city with a huge mix of ethnicity and "lifestyles."
                      My best guess is that in smaller cities and towns alternative lifestyle clients may face bias.

                      1. Are you in the midwest?

                        1. As I'm sure you know there are varying levels of - gay/black/asian/etc - unfriendliness. Everything from being told the place is sold out to grudging tolerance. A 'friendly' restaurant lets you know that you are welcome, that they are glad to have your business and hopes you come back. It may seem like a basic assumption. But its not necessarily true. Even today, even in big cities. But it is far more common than it was a decade or so ago.

                          1. Maybe it's just where I am and the folks I know, but the whole notion of "gay friendly" seems so 1980s. Remarking on it seems as silly as commenting that a coffee shop serves African Americans or that a golf course allows women on the links.

                            In my experience it's rare for a place of public accommodation to provide anything other than friendly service without regard to gender, religion, ethnicity, national origin, or sexual orientation. Am I just leading a sheltered life here?

                            12 Replies
                            1. re: alanbarnes

                              Oh yeah ... two men walk into a place holding hands pretty much anywhere in the South and I doubt they are going to enjoy their visit.

                              1. re: redfish62

                                That hasn't been my experience in places like New Orleans, Savannah, Birmingham, Atlanta, etc. But then again, I'm just a visitor there, so my experiences are limited. And since I'm not on the receiving end of the discrimination I'm admittedly less likely to notice it.

                                1. re: redfish62

                                  I think you need to visit some different Southern cities. I can't speak for every state, but for NC I would recommend Asheville, Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Durham, Raleigh, Wilmington, and Greensboro.

                                  1. re: redfish62

                                    I'm from the south, and it's really not like that. I'm sure there are some people and places that might judge you and give you less than the service you deserve, but for the most part, i think even in small town usa, people are a lot more open and friendly than we think.

                                  2. re: alanbarnes

                                    You live in Northern Cali, right? Yeah, I'd say you're leading a sheltered life regarding tolerance.

                                    Around here (Central PA), two men holding hands walking down the street or >gasp< campus is very, very rare. And it turns heads. Yet somehow, the CL casual encounters section is bustling with m/m ads.

                                    Ugh.

                                    1. re: linguafood

                                      Oh, I don't dispute that there's plenty of individual discrimination going on in lots of places. Maybe less here than elsewhere, but it's a fact of life even in Northern California.

                                      My point had to do with public accommodations - restaurants, bars, hotels, etc. I can't imagine a place that would be unwelcoming to paying customers.

                                      1. re: alanbarnes

                                        I think you two are talking about the difference between unwelcome gestures from the restaurant establishment vs strange looks from other patrons/customers.

                                        1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                          Where I live , you would get both, racism and homophobia are the norm. IMO small towns just breed contempt for the "different" be it people or food.

                                    2. re: alanbarnes

                                      Keep in mind that the Civil Rights movement began in the 50s. While there obviously is still racism, it's thankfully not on the scale it once was. Also, people who are racist are more likely to keep it hidden. However, discrimination against homosexuals, while illegal, is not as taboo.

                                      1. re: alanbarnes

                                        Yes alan, you are leading a sheltered life.

                                        1. re: alanbarnes

                                          Agreed, Alan. And I live in the South and have worked in the restaurant biz here for years. Now, I'm in a larger city though. I suppose if you wander out into the boonies you may have a different experience. But they'd probably look at me funny because I clearly wouldn't appear to be "from around here".

                                          1. re: alanbarnes

                                            It's not the service, it's the looks you get from other diners, and often even comments loud enough that you can overhear them. Many restaurants, even in supposedly socially liberal big cities, even in states like mine where gay marriage is legal and gay relationships are accepted by a vast majority, have a rather socially conservative clientele. It's just not comfortable to be surrounded by people who are judging your relationship. Part of this is probably paranoia, but a lifetime of being discriminated against is going to nurture some paranoia in most people.

                                            The only two cities I have found to be an exception to this are San Francisco and Boston. San Francisco because just about everyone seems genuinely accepting. Boston because the people who have a negative attitude towards gays are not only a small minority, they have a negative attitude towards everyone and everything - a sort of egalitarian hatred.

                                          2. Can't say I've ever seen two men holding hands or being affectionate in a restaurant.

                                            28 Replies
                                            1. re: redfish62

                                              It's probably due to fear of discrimination.

                                              1. re: redfish62

                                                I think that goes to the heart of the original poster's post. Many people feel uncomfortable seeing two men or two women making out. As such, this kind of responds are consider -- not gay friendly.

                                                1. re: redfish62

                                                  Can't say I recall ever holding my husband's hand in a restaurant. We just aren't "that couple".
                                                  And if I saw anyone making out in a restaurant, I'd push my plate away and ask for the check - yuck.

                                                  Personally, I think "gay friendly" simply refers to a place where a lot of the staff and customers are gay. That's all - no big whup. :-)

                                                  1. re: lynnlato

                                                    "And if I saw anyone making out in a restaurant, I'd push my plate away and ask for the check - yuck. "

                                                    Why? I have a coworker. Once a bunch of us went out in a bar/pub and she pointed out that there is a couple (straight) sitting behind me which is making out. I looked and turned back to her and said "Ok?" She then said "It is disgusting". What is so disgusting? People do that in a bar/pub all the time.

                                                    I think gay friendly means it is a place where gay couples can feel comfortable displaying initimacy without people giving straight looks.

                                                    1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                      "Dsiplaying intimacy?" Really? If intimacy is on display, it's not intimacy.

                                                      1. re: Isolda

                                                        It's interesting to note that people think of kissing and groping when they think of inappropriate public displays of intimacy. In other words, they're thinking of physical intimacy.

                                                        However, for gay people, certain non-physical displays of intimacy which straight people take for granted are considered inappropriate by certain factions. For example, two people staring happily into each other's eyes in silence. For another, calling one another dear, honey, baby etc. These are things that some people prefer (if not demand) that gays "keep it to themselves" that they would never demand of straight people.

                                                        1. re: dump123456789

                                                          I live in a gay friendly neighborhood in Philadelphia. Some nights our bars and restaurants might have more gay couples than straight. Hand holding is common as well as refering to each other as baby, dear, my wife, etc. And I think that it's important that all people have a places in the world where they can feel at ease. Finding those spaces is the main thing.

                                                          1. re: dump123456789

                                                            But I was speaking only of physical intimacy and I "demand" not to see that in public. I really don't care if you are gay or straight. If you want to make out, do it somewhere private. Really, this is just basic decency. Looking into your partner's eyes is not making out, and is unlikely to be noticed by anyone brought up not to stare.

                                                            1. re: Isolda

                                                              I didn't realize that you meant physical intimacy only, since you only referred to "displaying intimacy", and I parsed Chemical's earlier post too quickly.

                                                              At any rate, in "mixed" company, most gay people do not engage in PDAs that are any different from straight people. Yet, they're judged differently. The difference in judgement is what defines "gay friendly".

                                                          2. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                            >>"People do that in a bar/pub all the time."<<

                                                            We must hang out in different places. I find a little hand-holding and eye-gazing charming. But full-on snogging? Get a room, already.

                                                            1. re: alanbarnes

                                                              Definitely. Soooo creepy.

                                                              We always assume it's two people having an affair who are all over each other in public.

                                                              1. re: invinotheresverde

                                                                Hey, I empathize with the snoggers and make no assumptions about them. It's been a while (dinosaurs walked the earth), but I remember what it was like to be young and in heat. I mean love.

                                                                Still and all, it's bad manners. And that's true regardless of whether the junk in your undies matches or complements your partner's.

                                                                  1. re: invinotheresverde

                                                                    Ewww. (Is it still politically incorrect to harbor discriminatory feelings against middle-aged people if I'm middle-aged?)

                                                              2. re: alanbarnes

                                                                Ok, I am having a feeling that we are talking about different kind of "making out". I don't mean touching privates parts or full on sexual inter... . I am talking about heavy French kissing and groping. The point is that some people find it'difficult' to watch two gay men making out in a restaurant/bar/pub.

                                                                1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                  We're talking about the same thing. And IMO it's totally inappropriate behavior for a public place regardless of sexual orientation.

                                                                  1. re: alanbarnes

                                                                    Ugh, I had this experience just yesterday. Girls' day out in a nice restaurant in a section of the city known for shopping and eating. Good mix of people in the restaurant for lunch--families, friends, same sex couples, traditional couples. The table that caused the most awkward glances was not the one with 2 children under 3 being a bit fussy or the same sex couples--it was the guy and girl sitting next to each other in the booth devouring each other's faces. Please, if you can't get a room, at least take it out to the back alley.

                                                                    I too was once young and in lust, um, love. And this behavior was not alien to the dive bars we frequented on weekend nights. But in the dining room of a nice restaurant at Saturday lunch? As alan says, Ewww.

                                                                    1. re: gaffk

                                                                      Gaffk,

                                                                      I admittedly understand it can get very uncomfortable if the people sitting across you are the ones who are making out. When your friend start to make out with his girlfriend, then you are basically forced to watch. On top of that, you are not sure if you are supposed to talk. If you don't say something, you seem like you are being bothered. If you talk, you seem like you are interrupting.

                                                                      1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                        No, this couple was not at my table. Now that we're older, my friends have more decorum.

                                                                        1. re: gaffk

                                                                          I know. I am more or less saying in the case that this couple is on your table.

                                                                    2. re: alanbarnes

                                                                      Why? I understand people don't like to see a lot of making out especially with their little children. I really do.

                                                                      However, I am not talking about friendly restaurants like "Friendly" or "Smokey Bones". I was mostly talking about pubs and bars where you expect people to get drunk, to try to hook up with strangers. I think seeing two persons making out is probably much milder than all other things can possibly happening in the background (like smoking joints and other drugs)

                                                                      1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                        I am talking about pubs and bars where you expect people to get drunk and puke, to hit on strangers, to start a fist fight and most probably smoking joints and possible worst drugs.
                                                                        ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        Yeah, even when young I avoided those puking, fighting places. (And joint smoking was done discretely in the back room where only regulars were allowed.)

                                                                        1. re: gaffk

                                                                          Ok, I agree. Most of the puking is in the bathroom, most of the fighting is outside (and happen very rarely). Joint smoking or whatever smoking is out in the balcony.

                                                                        2. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                          Just because heavy PDA is legal doesn't mean it's appropriate. In my book it's right up there with spitting, nose-picking, and noisy flatulence as far as things that just shouldn't be done in public.

                                                                          As far as your other examples, I have no objections to people getting drunk in a rowdy bar, and the puking is generally involuntary. It doesn't bother me that folks are smoking whatever they like, and although fistfights cross the line, there's nothing wrong with people hitting on strangers, either. But once you've found a stranger who's receptive to your advances, it's time to go find a place to be alone together.

                                                                      2. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                        I clearly said above that if I were in a RESTAURANT I'd take issue with it. I wasn't talking about a bar/pub. But I don't want to have to see anyone "french kissing and groping". I'm no prude, but seriously, there are things that are best left to the privacy of your own home... or car, back alley, etc.

                                                                        I like Isolda's comment that if it's in public it's not "intimacy".

                                                                        1. re: lynnlato

                                                                          'I clearly said above that if I were in a RESTAURANT I'd take issue with it. I wasn't talking about a bar/pub. But I don't want to have to see anyone "french kissing and groping"'

                                                                          There is the contradiction. On one hand, you argue that you ONLY said a restaurant. On the other hand, you argue you don't want to any intimacy in any public area -- period.

                                                                  2. re: lynnlato

                                                                    "Gay friendly" has nothing to do with the sexual orientation of the staff and customers; if there are many gay people amongst them, the place is obviously quite likely to be gay friendly, but I've been to many small places where the staff is entirely heterosexual but I would consider the establishment quite gay friendly.

                                                                    As someone else said, it more concerns the attitude towards gay people. If I can't hold my husband's hand at a restaurant without feeling like it's making the staff / customers uncomfortable, then it is not gay friendly. Here in Ottawa, Canada, for the most part, restaurants are gay friendly, and a small number are not.

                                                                2. As someone who has been to Down City, the restaurant mentioned, many times, I can say that a good portion of their staff is gay, as is a very good portion of their clientele. They also host drag brunch. There's just a whole lotta gay goin' on.

                                                                  1. Here in St. Louis, a very conservative city with veins of liberalism running through some of it, there certainly are restaurants that are known to be gay-friendly, and others that don't have that reputation. I suppose I need to ask my friends who bat for those teams if there are any that are known to be un-GF. However, the yearly Dining Out night that benefits a charity called Food Outreach that began as a program to maintain nutrition in HIV+ folks and now has broadened its client base, draws an ever-increasing number of restaurants that surprise and please me. Yes, prejudice is still out there, for many sorts of folks.

                                                                    1. It shouldn't have to be relevant... but sadly, a lot of places are anything BUT friendly to those who don't meet their ideal of what a family should be. The days of open racism against black people being acceptable are long gone, but there's still plenty of discrimination against those who are 'different' in other ways.

                                                                      4 Replies
                                                                      1. re: Kajikit

                                                                        A woman friend of mine is African American. On occasion when she and I are out together it is clear that we are being perceived as an inter-racial couple, and at times it is equally clear that they wish we weren't there. It's rare, but it still happens. The same is true when I am out with one of my guy friends. Again, it is increasingly rare, but it still happens. We have been indirectly refused service (ignored for 25 minutes), been seated in less desirable locations, been told that no reservations were made (kinda dumb when I can point to them in the book and say... no, there's the name), and once even asked if I wouldn't prefer to have the food prepared for take out instead.

                                                                        As I said, in neither situation is it a usual occurrence, I am sure it has not been restaurant policy (except in one instance) and calling attention to it has always resolved the issue. But it does happen.

                                                                        1. re: Kajikit

                                                                          A gay friend on another board has the story of how he knew he should have never gone on a date with a guy in Florida City Well Known For 1950s-style Racism Today, but hey, he didn't want to assume about the guy based on the reputation of the city. No problems being two guys on a date in the rural deep south in that town since they were both sufficiently pale and all, but the date went horribly wrong around the entree course when his date went off on a rant about how the restaurant shouldn't have seated that table of "n.....s" so close to them.

                                                                          1. re: beachmouse

                                                                            And the moral of the story is...that he should have indulged himself in the same sort of prejudice he objected to?

                                                                            1. re: Naco

                                                                              The moral being that trying to say X is a thing of the past, but Y still happens can turn up some interesting exceptions to that theory.

                                                                        2. From a Seinfeld episode.............."Not that there's anything wrong with that."

                                                                          I managed restaurants for a chain in Los Angeles in the mid 70's known for hiring gay waiters. LA being an epicenter for the entertainment industry, many waiters were part-timers wating for acting/dancing gigs. Most clientele were tolerant and a minority specifically asked for waitresses to serve them.

                                                                          1. this is a really interesting thread for me, having lived the last 20 years in cities where the standard reaction (allowing no or little PDA either gay or straight) would be "who gives a ..."

                                                                            now I'm in Hooterville for a while and find it hard to remember what all of this even means. but then for me it's more of a matter of not being the TOTAL outsider even though after 40 years I always will be. of course if I'd grown up here and was related somehow to everyone's cousin I could cruise around in a convertible with my pet chimp, Mr. Squiggles, lolling a powder-blue Gucci loafer on my heel, but that would be different.

                                                                            and upstream to NIcole, there are still plenty of places homophobia and racism are tolerated to the point violence will never be effectively prosecuted. in some places it is still essentially illegal to be gay. or at least a career-killer. or an invitation for arson.

                                                                            1. To me "gay friendly" is much more dependent on the clientele than it is the owner. All that I can relate it to is interracial dating and in my experience it was always the disapproving looks and stares from other patrons that ruined some evenings for me and my date.

                                                                              1. I had a negative experience at a bar in Trenton. I found a place to kill an hour while waiting for someone, didn't notice the rainbow flag, so I was a little clueless when I sat at the bar. After ordering a drink I noticed all the TVs were tuned not to baseball but to America's Top Model.

                                                                                A guy came over and started testing me (and at the same time all this came together for me very quickly(, and then he started harrassing me and told me to finish my drink and leave. The bartender apologized and I left a generous tip.

                                                                                Even today I would question if an establishment really means "Straight Un-Friendly."

                                                                                27 Replies
                                                                                1. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                  'Even today I would question if an establishment really means "Straight Un-Friendly."'

                                                                                  At most you can only say your experience shows the patrons were unfriendly to you, but the establishment (the waiter) was relatively nice, no?

                                                                                  1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                                    Yes, the bartender was not the problem. Imagine the Animal House frat boys feeling out-of-place at the Dexter Lake Club.

                                                                                  2. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                    "Gay friendly" is almost never used to describe gay bars. (After all, why would a gay bar be not gay friendly ?) It's usually used in the same way as "straight, but not narrow", used to describe establishments that are generally thought of as not gay-specific. So given that, why would a gay friendly establishment be straight unfriendly, since they're primarily straight anyway ?

                                                                                    A straight unfriendly gay friendly establishment is equivalent to a gay unfriendly gay bar.

                                                                                    1. re: dump123456789

                                                                                      > "Gay friendly" is almost never used to describe gay bars.

                                                                                      I'm honestly asking here, is this the actual norm?

                                                                                      1. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                        Graydon, it would seem sort of redundant, no?

                                                                                        1. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                          I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you asking if gay bars are not normally gay friendly ? Or are you asking if gay bars don't normally advertise themselves as "gay friendly" ?

                                                                                          Most gay bars are "gay friendly", pretty much by definition. But, just as you wouldn't bother to say "that woman is female", you wouldn't bother to say "that gay bar is gay friendly".

                                                                                          And most gay bars don't advertise themselves as "gay friendly". They just advertise themselves as "gay".

                                                                                        2. re: dump123456789

                                                                                          > almost never

                                                                                          I'm essentially re-asking the question in the OP in the context of places that fly a rainbow flag. Does "Gay friendly" sometimes mean "Gay Only" ?

                                                                                          1. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                            oh no, not at all, maybe uptight weirdo unfriendly, but that's about it. I've never been anywhere that is not welcoming to all. just don't get your panties in a twist if some guy looks at you. although it does sort of weed out the type that would.

                                                                                            ok back in the 80's there was this one place in East St. Louis that didn't allow women on a certain floor and I thought that was kind of messed up. also had real strict rules about which gender used which bathroom which was even weirder ('scuse me? you've got a drag show going on upstairs, half the folks here are all gender-bendy and this is what you're going to throw someone out over? but maybe that's another thread, " 'gay friendly' places run by homophobes looking to make a buck")

                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                              I think it's actually rather common for gay bars to have restrictions on such things as what gender can use which bathrooms and certain areas where only one gender is allowed. I know of several bars in Chicago with such restrictions. I really appreciate the female-only restrooms, not because I don't like the guys, but because I don't want to be part of the restroom "scene" when I actually just want to use the facilities. I also like that I have a better chance of finding a dry toilet seat. Most places like this actually require the ladies to get a key from the bartender to enter the female-only restroom.

                                                                                              And, with another bar, I consider the suggestion that I should not want to go into the basement a kind heads up. I don't want to go into the basement.

                                                                                              1. re: merkay

                                                                                                "I really appreciate the female-only restrooms, not because I don't like the guys, but because I don't want to be part of the restroom "scene""

                                                                                                I understand people what to go to gender based bathroom, but what is a restroom scene? I am a male, and I don't remember there is any scene in our bathroom. If anything I believe it is the female bathroom which has a scene of 'gossips'

                                                                                                1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                                                  "what is a restroom scene?"

                                                                                                  If you have to ask, you probably wouldn't be interested in it.

                                                                                                2. re: merkay

                                                                                                  merkay - frankly I don't want the bathroom 'scene' either and the basement was actually rather tame, I just thought it silly and patronizing to make that decision for women. my point is sorta that's about the most excluding I've ever seen.

                                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                                    "I just thought it silly and patronizing to make that decision for women"

                                                                                                    Were they really making the decision for women, or was it more of a "no women in the men's shower room" kind of thing ?

                                                                                                    1. re: dump123456789

                                                                                                      dump: it was an old department store converted and just no women in the basement period. and really for no real reason - gee porno films on the wall. my wilting flower female friends might never recover. there was a backroom. but I didn't explore (I'm kinda Victorian that way)

                                                                                                      CK: my friend on that night just wanted a companion with her whether in the guys or the gals and I figured what the hell, gal pals go together all the time. but we're going OT.

                                                                                                      to keep it on topic I'd prefer a term to the effect of just "friendly to all" or "all are welcome (unless you're a jerk)" anybody with an ounce of sense really can figure out if a place is or not before going in.

                                                                                                      hell I pride myself on being ok in cow pastures, methhead biker bars, tranny shacks (neither my cup of tea exactly), swankster cocktail lounges or crashing parties in some looming empty house. I do alter my behavior and speech accordingly, but maybe that's the whole point of this, knowing beforehand you won't have to bear that stress. "shit, really? he got that much for his calves? that's a damn good price!" "I despise Andrew Lloyd Webber, but get this my mother finds JC Superstar depressing! she totally misses the point! ya want Ethel Merman go rent something!"

                                                                                                      I sympathize with JPC, it's not easy and does not make for a good time, but one can disguise 'gay' a heck of a lot easier than one's race.

                                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                                        Hmm, the bar I'm thinking about plays porn in the main areas, so I don't even want to know what's happening in the basement. Actually, I have a pretty good idea, and I can understand why women wouldn't be welcome. When I patronize gay bars, I consider myself to be a guest, and just like I would when visiting someone else's home, I respect their boundaries. I am not gay and I don't get to decide what the rules should be in "their" places.

                                                                                                        But, most gay bars I visit either have a men's restroom and an "other" restroom, or a men's restroom, a women's restroom, and an "other" restroom. And, some places just have restrooms, no distinction at all, but that is only if they are single user restrooms.

                                                                                                    2. re: hill food

                                                                                                      I don't know. I think just many people would object a man entering a female bathroom even if the man is gay. Now, you may not, but many do. For example, many people would argue that a gay man has no more right to touch a woman's breast or smack her butt than a straight man.

                                                                                            2. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                              Graydon--
                                                                                              I've found myself in the same situation a few times(except I never clued in, when a guy tried to pick up my dad he let me know) but we never got any negitivity from anyone, we had a blast and went back to the bar every night we where in town. Toronto and Vegas.

                                                                                              1. re: Dave5440

                                                                                                HA! that's too funny, there's something to tell your kids "well one time me and Poppop were..."

                                                                                                one of those situations when the next day you come up with all sorts of funny ways of dealing with it

                                                                                                1. re: hill food

                                                                                                  The time we were in vegas there was 7 of us the first time in the bar including my wife, and nobody figured it out till my dad, the only thing I needed help dealing with was NOT being hit on , geez my dad was 65

                                                                                                  1. re: hill food

                                                                                                    ok a good reply woulda been (of course way too late) "back off sweetheart that's MY daddy find yer own"

                                                                                                  2. re: Dave5440

                                                                                                    'Mom! Dad was picked up by a gay man in a bar.'

                                                                                                    1. re: Chemicalkinetics

                                                                                                      Yep he took some ribbing, but he pointed out yer old man's still got it!!!!

                                                                                                    1. re: im_nomad

                                                                                                      "no I AM the only one in the village!"

                                                                                                    2. re: GraydonCarter

                                                                                                      Graydon: well that person was just wrong and rude. sorry I missed your initial posting I woulda been tempted to indulge in a "knee jerk reaction" myself.

                                                                                                      1. re: hill food

                                                                                                        for whatever reason something got cut, Graydon was treated rudely for no purpose hence my response (if my comment remains it makes no sense otherwise)

                                                                                                    3. In Columbus, Ohio which can be very gay friendly - you should see the Gay Pride Festival and Parade - Gay Friendly refers to the fact that either the people running the restaurant/bar etc. are gay and/or there will be a number of gay clientele any time that you go there.
                                                                                                      I do have someone homophobic in my family - he used to act like he could catch it and never wants anyone to hit on him but we have gotten him to go to Gay Friendly restaurants and he has returned because the food and service were very good, but I have always warned him that it was Gay Friendly because he doesn't like surprises where he would feel uncomfortable.
                                                                                                      Now, Columbus also shows its sad side where German Village is called by some people Gerbil Village because it's a neighborhood with a decent gay population.

                                                                                                      1. seeing what's been cut from this thread I gotta ask what/whose sensibilities are being protected? cause anybody I know that has a personal stake is one heck of a lot tougher than that (ie not offended easily).

                                                                                                        3 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: hill food

                                                                                                          ya never know. you just never know.

                                                                                                          1. re: hill food

                                                                                                            we all know CH errs on the side of heavy handed when it comes to moderation.

                                                                                                            1. re: hill food

                                                                                                              whoops my mistake (mea culpa) skimmed through too many posts too fast.

                                                                                                              would be sorta fun to hear what the OP feels about the reactions elicited.

                                                                                                            2. Gay Friendly usually implies "Gay-Owned", at least on the West Coast. As a result, if you're gay you're less likely to be hassled in a gay-owned business.

                                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                                              1. re: dave_c

                                                                                                                http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dTQ4Civ9X-8...

                                                                                                                Sorry, couldn't resist..... >-)
                                                                                                                But yes, I imagine you would be right in a general sense.

                                                                                                                1. re: huiray

                                                                                                                  welllll... being hassled isn't necessarily a bad thing. Fortunately 'gay friendly' is a rapidly expanding part of the world, especially in restaurants, etc.

                                                                                                                  It has changed tremendously in the last decade. On the other hand one tends to wonder how long Reverend Phelps would survive if he was protesting military funerals with signs reading "God hates niggers, kikes, chinks, gooks, nips, cunts, and queers." Kinda shocking isn't it. But then it was only a century ago that my grandparents faced signs reading "Irish need not apply" anyplace there was a now-hiring sign. Progress happens.

                                                                                                              2. We've removed some posts debating some legal and political issues that are really outside the purview of this site, and are closing this topic to further discussion