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Comfort food after a break-up

  • m

I've been very close to a guy for a couple of years. We never officially dated but he treated me like his girl friend. He never made any promises and while I would have liked it to become more, I was satisfied because I really like his company. Last week he told he he'd started dating someone. Needless to say, I am devastated. I miss my best friend terribly. And I've lost all interest in cooking and eating. I used to love cooking and baking for him. He'd come to my house at midnight for omelets or pancakes. I used to surprise him by bringing warm cookies to his office. I am miserasble and food has lost it's appeal.

So my question to you all is: What's good to help mend a broken heart? I need serious comfort food here. Something warm and tasty and not too hard to prepare since I have no desire to spend time in my lonely kitchen.

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  1. Sorry for the sucky situation. Hopefully some of these ideas will help.

    Is pasta too time consuming for you? When I've had a crappy day, I come home and make a super eggy and pancetta laden carbonara. Top it with lots of black pepper and pecorino.

    At the grocery store, I have recently seen these Duncan Hines type desserts that you mix and bake in a mug. Not very chowish but would be fairly quick and oh so comforting.

    Recently, I have been making toaster oven s'mores. I swear to you that it will not take more than 2 minutes between preparing and toasting. I preheat my toaster oven to 350 (sometimes I don't even wait for the preheating to finish). On the little toaster tray, i put 2 (or 4!) graham crackers, topping 1 with 1 square of Lindt dark chocolate, and the other with a marshmellow. I put it in the oven until the marshmellow swells and turns a nice brown. Squish together and enjoy.

    How about not going into the kitchen at all, and ordering your favourite takeout and curl up under a blanket with the takeout and a glass of your favourite wine, and watch a movie?

    Hopefully you can quickly get through this funk...

    6 Replies
    1. re: icey

      Oh, yes... carbonara is major comfort food.

      1. re: LauraGrace

        Or just use plain old butter and parmesan.

        1. re: Avalondaughter

          Whatever pasta is in the "pantry, olive oil or butter or both, sliced garlic, or from the jar, parmesan, darn...whatever else, maybe some chopped roma toms, and some sliced black olives, I guess there's some dry oregano and/or basil in that pantry...oooh, forgot about the fresh ground pepper....hey, whatever can be found!

        2. re: icey

          Those toaster oven s'mores sound SO good! Now I'm gonna have to go get some marshmellows!

          1. re: RowanGolightly

            I agree, and I don't even feel depressed. I know how you feel, though, Miri1, since I went through the same thing a few years back. It was awful!!!
            Sticky, Gooey, Creamy, Chewy has a great recipe for "Breakup Bars." If it looks like too much for you to handle, forward the recipe to one of your other close friends and ask him or her to make some for you. The prospect of sharing them will probably get your friend motivated. That or you could invite someone over to commiserate with you while baking together. You can drink some of that good wine while baking, then switch over to milk when the bars are cool enough to eat.
            Oh yeah, the friend and I got back our firendship after a couple years.

        3. Nourish your self and your soul with some chicken soup or a nice braise. Fill your house with aroma. Buy yourself some flowers, rent a movie.
          Pardon the candor here, but this guy is no prince. No way, no how he did not realize you were in love with him, and he took advantage of you big time. Focus on healing yourself. Move, get out in the sun, exercise and look forward to meeting a guy who wont take from you in a one-way relationship!!
          Oh, and chocolate.

          2 Replies
          1. re: monavano

            I was also going to suggest chicken soup. Eaten from a large bowl, preferably in front of the tv

            1. So sorry this happened to you. If you don't feel like cooking, why not spend a little on yourself and go to a restaurant you like for take-out, then bring it back home and enjoy it with a good movie and a glass of wine? Or if you don't want to be alone, invite some women friends over and cook a meal together. It might help you to repurpose your kitchen into a "cooking for me" space rather than a "cooking for him" space. If you do have friends over, make something complicated and time consuming, like a mole sauce.

              1. Something warm and tasty and not too hard to prepare:

                Oatmeal with a ton of sweetened condensed milk poured over topped with some nuts and chocolate chips.
                Macaroni with butter and salt and pepper
                Take a jar of peanut butter--squirt a generous amount of chocolate syrup over and start eating with a big spoon.

                2 Replies
                1. re: jarona

                  +1 on the peanut butter and spoon (or almond butter). Failing that:
                  the all-purpose pint of ice cream.

                  1. re: pine time

                    better yet: ice cream with the peanut butter and chocolate syrup (or actually maple syrup is great too) poured over!

                2. a big plate of wings (whichever you like)
                  followed by a hot fudge sundae

                  4 Replies
                    1. re: spinachandchocolate

                      Wings and a hot fudge sundae? Sounds awfully good to me! :)

                      1. re: Nicolette S

                        agreed. as long as they're not from Hooters.

                  1. Ben and Jerry may have the answer!!

                    2 Replies
                    1. re: Motosport

                      b&j's chunky monkey is my fav w/ chubby hubby a close second!

                      1. re: betsydiver

                        I can knock off a pint of Phish Food when I am feeling down.

                    2. A couple pounds of king crab always puts a smile on my face and picking out the meat always keeps my mind off of whatever is bothering me. Also incredibly easy to steam up. A little butter and I am in Heaven. Not an everyday thing but good to indulge in sometimes.

                      1. oh Miri, i'm so sorry :(

                        doesn't get much easier than a baked potato. you can top it with anything from shredded store-bought chicken or pork to tomato sauce and cheese. grilled cheese is another good one, particularly dipped in tomato soup. i also love scrambled eggs for dinner sometimes, and that can be pretty comforting...with or without bacon. oatmeal was a great suggestion as well.

                        and i absolutely agree with Gail's suggestion to do something nice for yourself - mani/pedi, massage, new haircut (or color!), a new pair of shoes...whatever makes you feel special.

                        hang in there - it *will* get better, i promise. it just may take a little time.

                        8 Replies
                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                          Is there such a thing as chow-therapy? Thanks guys! First, I know he's no prince. But you know what? You can't help whp you develop feelings for. Emotions are slippery and he's the one person I let get under the wall I have built arund my heart. So I'm the fool, not he. I still miss him, miss my best friend, but I'm getting on with it. And I'm finally hungry so here's what I'm eating.

                          I found a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles. That's my appetizer. My main dish is leftover mac and cheese into which I have dumped a can of cream of mush room soup, canned peas and some cheese. Baked till bubbly, it looks good! And, I bought a pineapple upside down cake. I deserve the sugar, dammit! and, because I need to alcohol, a bottle of champagne. I'm going to eat and drink myself silly and then sometime this week get myself some new duds and a mani-pedi. Gonna show him how stupid he is to pass me up in favor of some chick who probably can't even scramble an egg! (bet she can't!)

                          1. re: Miri1

                            good for you!! love the upswing in your attitude :)

                            i had my heart similarly stomped on by the first guy i dated after my beloved passed away. he knew how huge of a step i had taken by putting myself back out there, and there was no excuse for the callous and childish way he handled the situation...but even though i knew i was better off without him, that didn't make it hurt any less in the beginning. however, give yourself enough time and you'll realize he did you a favor. about 6 months after we broke up i found out that 'my' jerk had gotten married - presumably to the woman for whom he screwed me over - and the first thought that came to mind was "that poor girl." :)

                            someday in the not too distant future you'll find another guy to spoil who actually deserves it, but in the meantime, spoil YOURSELF. enjoy the comfort food and the bubbly!

                            1. re: Miri1

                              Good for you!

                              And don't forget the ice cream and your favorite cookies/pies!

                              1. re: Miri1

                                Good for you Miri1!
                                I've had my heart lead instead of my head before, and it took me a long while to realize that I was on the giving end of the relationship more than not. Of course, that's changed with my DH, but I wore some big-ass rose-colored goggles in my day!
                                Chow and and heal!

                                1. re: Miri1

                                  a friend of mine used to say that subway cars are like men ... if you miss one there's always another on the way,,, you have the advantage of being able to move in the kitchen and imagine a great partnership... have a party invite all your friends... old, new, and prospective; anyone at work?; church? school? subway stop? friend of a friend?, neighbor? landlord; friend's brother? brother's friend? in having a party there's no reason to have an excuse to invite anyone have fun

                                  1. re: Miri1

                                    I'm sorry for the situation. I won't elaborate, but I definitely empathize.

                                    @goodhealthgourmet--a VERY loaded baked potato and grilled cheese dipped in tomato soup is precisely what I would have recommended. Congratulations on your good taste ;-).

                                    1. re: Miri1

                                      Funny how a little can of bubbling Campbell's Cream O' Mushroom can be so comforting. Must be a childhood thing. They should market it as such!

                                      The champs is a nice touch. A bath and a bottle of champagne then covers over the head. Tomorrow is a new day.

                                      Sorry Miri. Emotions are slippery indeed. Sometimes love sneaks up on you. It is not foolish to be open to love and friendship. I bet you now who is right for you a little more now. A long time ago I told a boyfriend to Sh*t or get off the pot with our relationship. I wanted to get married. He chose to get off the pot. Heartbreak and drinking ensued. Then I met someone who adores me and I him and we are together pretty much 24/7 gleefully! If boyfriend got off the pot... well, I cannot even go there!

                                      1. re: Sal Vanilla

                                        Yes, the mushroom soup. I ate an entire can of that on Tuesday. I wasn't feeling well, was wishing he'd been there with me to make me feel better. So I had the soup. Oh, sheer, delicious unadulterated comfrot in a can. Mmmm....

                                  2. Years ago I was in your shoes and about all I could swallow for a week or two was mashed potatoes with lots of butter and salt. Sounds horrendously fattening, but I actually lost 7 pounds. I think Nora Ephron had the same solution in her book "Heartburn."

                                    Recently egg-drop soup has been my go-to meal when I want something fast and easy and comforting. This is a great recipe and quick and easy to make, just use packaged stock from the grocery store.

                                    http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/egg_...

                                    Oh, and maybe rent "The Holiday," where Kate Winslet has the same problem and gets help from Eli Wallach and Jack Black. :)

                                    1. That's a bummer of a situation, but it sounds like you're already feeling a little perkier so that's good! Is there anything you love that the ex-ish person didn't care for? That would probably be the road I would go down-something you don't have a shared history with, plus you can do a little internal gloat about how he doesn't know what he's missing (in every regard). And a BIG glass of wine while you're cooking, although your champagne sounds like a pretty great idea...

                                      1 Reply
                                      1. re: ErnieD

                                        Oh, that's a great suggestion - eat that thing he always hated that you love but had to kind of set aside! This is why I basically have Chinese food anytime my husband isn't home for dinner - not that he hates it, but his casual liking of it can in no way approach my gluttonous passion. :)

                                      2. Miri1,
                                        For me as for you, it wasn't the food, but the cooking:
                                        Don't want to be a downer, but please read, it's an upper in the end. My wife of 14 years died at 34 from breast cancer and then my new fiance' (my high school sweetheart) passed away in November. I always enjoyed cooking and now make meals occasionally and share them with my family (mom, nephs and neices), friends, and their families. I've hosted a couple cook-outs with all families and have enjoyed the new relationships and friendships that have developed. We are a bigger and better family after the tragedies. Are there others in your life you could cook for to get you back in your lonely kitchen?
                                        Stay strong,
                                        Hammy

                                        4 Replies
                                        1. re: hamboney

                                          Wow, I'm so sorry to hear of your story, as well as Miri's. About 12 years ago, I had 2 very serious losses in quick succession. Like you, I found that searching for pleasure in the small things slowly brought a bit of color back in to my world. As for Miri, I would also urge her to focus on treating herself well, and to try to get herself used to the idea that she should treat herself well; it's a strange process, one that is counter-intuitive for many women (and perhaps men) but people will respond in kind.

                                          Cooking for oneself, and cooking for others, is a great way to do all of these things. I just forced myself to slow down, to really stop and look at the flowers (literally), to approach cooking more slowly and deliberately, to really see the world around me and to find pleasure in it. After the comfort food phase, I'd urge her to try cooking with a new and different ingredient, something a bit out of her comfort zone but from which she can take pleasure. And, perhaps, like you, to use cooking to reach out to new people in new ways that might be a bit out of her comfort zone, but which will allow her to redefine her space and herself in new and interesting ways.

                                          1. re: hamboney

                                            Hamboney--I'm sorry for your losses... I think the company of group/family BBQs or potlucks would be perfect for Miri. Great suggestion. I lost my appetite completely after my ex-husband disappeared some years ago (turned out to be a drug thing which has persisted and turned into homelessness, jail, psych wards, etc.). I lost weight and all desire to cook those meals we used to enjoy together.

                                            Spending time with family, BBQs when the sun was out, and fun-themed potluck dinners with friends saved me. The other thing that really helped was baking treats for my co-workers. I fell into a routine of trying a new recipe literally every night of the week after work--cookies, cupcakes, muffins, cakes, pies, crumbles, etc. It was a good way to spend those quiet hours alone before bed (with my iPod on), and my co-workers would rave each day about what I brought in. They even kept a collection basket in our office kitchen to pay for my treats (sometimes paying up to $50 for 2 dozen muffins!). I actually miss those days now. I learned a lot about myself, and got very comfortable in the kitchen. As long as you don't eat to "stuff" your feelings, I think letting yourself enjoy food to excess can be very therapeutic.

                                            1. re: nothingswrong

                                              (the traditional female therapy for a broken heart consists of the following: A best girlfriend, your oldest, ugliest, but most comfy sweats, a favorite afghan, a family-size box of tissues, a pint (or two) of Ben & Jerry's, a bottle of wine, and a copy of Wuthering Heights. Apply liberally.)

                                            2. re: hamboney

                                              Hamboney, you sound like you have been through so much and yet you are positive. I hope you continue to enjoy these relationships as you heal. I admit your story hits a little close to home as someone undergoing treatment for breast cancer, it is a terrible disease (as is any).

                                            3. Phase 1: ice cream, chocolate, cookie dough (raw or baked into cookies); just stuff your face stuff.
                                              Phase 2: Spaghetti, Beef Stew, Casseroles: stuff you can cook easily, ready when you want.

                                              1. Take to your bed with a quart of Edy's french vanilla, a bottle of scotch and your favorite stuffed animal. You be fine in no time.

                                                1 Reply
                                                1. re: beevod

                                                  Any advice that beings "Take to your bed" is good advice.

                                                2. So sorry Honey that you were 'done wrong'. Now it sounds like you're picking your self up and dusting off hiz cobwebs. I liked the idea of a few girlfriends over to cook in your kitchen and blow any leftover dust away from the bum, and a good big bottle of wine to help. Makes your kitchen yours again, to do what is best for you. Cleanse your kitchen of any reminder of him, or any special food item you have there that were for him only.
                                                  And any pampering of yourself that you think will help. And a good self help book - Maybe -
                                                  He's Just Not That Into You - I forget the author, but it's at the bookstore, and they will know.
                                                  Be good to yourself first, then think 'I Am Available' thoughts to let others know you are.

                                                  1. Miri, I am so sorry. We've all been there (cue the ex-fiance who, as I held up a bra--not mine-- that I found under *my* bed, sneered and said, "Oh, like you didn't know."). I truly can laugh about it now, but at the time, comfort food and drink became something of an art form.

                                                    When things are rough, I light some candles, load myself up with funny movies and books, open a bottle of whatever suits the meal, and grab my favorite blanket for a couch picnic of finger foods and small plates. What those small plates consist of usually depends on the type of sadness. For this particular kind, I like spicy foods: stuffed chiles, chips and salsa, or a small plate of nachos, or quesadillas. When my fingers stay busy, it soothes my mind. And I like to think of spicy food as kindling for the fire inside.

                                                    Take care, and don't force yourself to cook if you're not into it. Sometimes you take care of yourself best by letting others provide for you, even if it's just the Thai place around the corner.

                                                    4 Replies
                                                    1. re: onceadaylily

                                                      I slept for 10 hours straight last night. A record for me. Must have been all that sugar and champagne. Loving all of the suggestions and helpful advice. This truly is a first for me. I've suffered unbearable loss before (mom, sister) but this is different. He's the first person I let myself feel anything for in a very long time. In his defense, he never made any promises and I always knew he was looking for a girlfriend, but I let myself be lulled into thinking that just maybe...

                                                      anyway, breakfast today was a can of diet coke. And there will be many more to follow because my store had a sale -buy 2 cases of 12, get 2 free- so I have plenty. Not hungry at all but I'm going for force down some toast and butter (oh yeah. LOTS of that) and then we'll see. I really have ZERO interest in cooking or even going into th ekitchen to prepare even the most basic things... can't even face the peanut butter since he'd always dig into that first thing. <sigh> Who made the suggestion to eat something he didn't like? Too tired to scroll back up to look. Problem with that is, I can't think of anything I like that he didn't. We seriously were so alike in many ways. Except for the diet soda. So I'll drown in that today.

                                                      1. re: Miri1

                                                        I don't know which is more tiring, being sad, or trying *not* to be sad. It'll get better, Miri. It sounds like take-out, or a meal out, is a good idea for you at the moment.

                                                        Now I have to go look up Niblet's song choice!

                                                        1. re: Miri1

                                                          Been there, Miri. UGH. UGHHHHHHH.

                                                          I lost about 8 pounds in two weeks, and then was back to normal with eating. Lots of booze, lots of filling food (welcome back, 8 pounds!), equal parts sympathy-from-friends and distraction, and Mumford and Sons on a neverending replay. And being ok with crying at random moments for no reason. Carry tissues always, is a major lesson learned. ;)

                                                          It gets better. Total shite right now, but it will get better.

                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                            Can I suggest that rather than seeing the foods he liked that don't appeal to you any more, you 'take them back and own them' on your terms? If that's impossible then get rid of the offending objects for a while.
                                                            It sounds like this guy was stringing you along, taking advantage of your giving nature- would it do you any good to get good and pissed off at him? Not to his face, but in your own mind. It would sure help me under the same circumstances. That, and a big load of pasta carbonara.

                                                            Here's something I learned from Miss Manners, who deals in manners rather than emotions- f you should run across this guy again, if you can be polite and manage to ACT like you're somewhat relieved to be rid of the burden of being his friend and 'doing' for him, you're going to feel a whole lot better- and he might just feel bad for a change. Sounds to me like he earned it.

                                                        2. Sounds like you're pulling out of it with junk food, good for you! Whatever works.

                                                          I agree with upthread rec to buy flowers for yourself, strangely therapeutic.

                                                          I also recommend singing along to "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles, as loudly as you dare, as many times as you want.

                                                          I'd consider sitting at the bar of your favorite restaurant, order a big juicy burger and rich red wine in a huge glass, and have a fun chat with the bartender.

                                                          2 Replies
                                                          1. re: Niblet

                                                            For whatever reason, my loud-singing-to-myself breakup song is King of the Road, it's cathartic, or was both times :)
                                                            Trailers for sale or rent
                                                            Rooms to let, fifty cents
                                                            No phone, no pool, no pets
                                                            I ain't got no cigarettes
                                                            Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom
                                                            Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
                                                            I'm a man of means by no means
                                                            King of the road!
                                                            (not a man, tho)
                                                            After not eating for a while, I just dived into all the things I loved and they didn't care about. Mushrooms sliced thick and fried on high in butter, crispy on the outside and not quite cooked in the middle. Porridge (oats, cream of wheat, you name it). Raisin-Bread Milk toast. Green beans for dinner, nothing else.

                                                            I've been single for the first time in my adult/late teen life for the last three years (I'm now 47) and I actually like it quite well. Good luck to you, Miri, may you feel better sooner.

                                                            1. re: Teague

                                                              Miri posted this three years ago -- hopefully, she's recovered from this breakup and is happy now, either by herself or with a partner who values her.

                                                          2. Oh jeez, I have been there and it sucks!! Lots of great suggestions already. I'd add lots of Chinese take-out, Jack in the Box, just super junky food! If you're a salt/cheese freak like me try some chips and queso, or a big fat cheesesteak, you get the picture.. And don't forget the power of fresh air(when you feel up to it)- a long drive with the windows down and good music or a walk in the park with a good friend.

                                                            2 Replies
                                                            1. re: Luvfriedokra

                                                              Ice cold beer and a bag o chips..works everytime

                                                              1. re: petek

                                                                I made myself laugh today by taking some of the cookies and junk he had at my house, going outside to sit in my yard, in the glorious Los Angeles sunshine, and fed the squirrels that live in my yard! Seriously, they come up and take cookies right out of my hand. They were delighted with all I fed them.

                                                                I still haven't been able to ingest anything other than diet coke and seltzer but I'm starting to think about something creamy and cheesy. Like the tuna casserole I had the other night... might make another one, this time with potato chips as a topping. Just to keep occupied.

                                                                I found myself reading Eating Well this afternoon and came across some tuna recipes. First thing that came to my mind was "Oh, Jeff would like this!" Gonna try and roundup a few girl friends for a movie night tonight. Popcorn, chips, some wine...might help.

                                                            2. im so sorry to hear about what youre going through :( a few months ago when i was fresh out of a break up, cheese was my ultimate comfort food. cheese and crackers and good beer. and yogurt too...i became a little addicted to dairy (more so than usual). im not a big fan of junk food and feel reallyyyyy guilty afterwards, but i convinced myself that cheese was good for me and that i needed the extra calcium.

                                                              i like your idea of a movie night! haha a wheel of cheese and wine and trader joes mango ginger chutney makes everything better

                                                              2 Replies
                                                                1. re: honkman

                                                                  I think there are types that qualify, but they are labeled "cheese food product" or something like that.

                                                                  Honkman, I am sure that any cheese that you normally eat doesn't fall under this classification.

                                                              1. When you said omelets or pancakes here is what I think will help yo move on.

                                                                Make crepes ahead of time in a pile possibly in a warm oven. Stuff with chicken chunks, chopped water chestnuts, chopped celery, and chopped onion. Cover with a home made cheddar cheese sauce. Eat with a vegetable you like and a side salad. Yum. Good as left over munchies later.

                                                                Extra crepes can be filled with anything like scrambled eggs and bacon covered in syrup might be a good thing to try and something I also enjoy sometimes.

                                                                7 Replies
                                                                1. re: smaki

                                                                  Really unable to focus on food or cooking. Haven't eaten much for days. This isn't getting any easier. I'm actually missing him more and more as the days pass. I think I can name every single thing I've eaten since last week because it wasn't much. And today, I peeked into the fridge and there was this bowl of pancake batter I'd made anticipating his visit last week that never happened. What a jolt to my system. I'm going out for lunch. can't bear to make anything. I'll go to IHOP for pancakes and onion rings!

                                                                  And just now, because I was starting to get light headed,I scrounged up an ice cream sandwich. Not big on ice cream, but needed the sugar rush.

                                                                  1. re: Miri1

                                                                    Yeah. It can get tougher when reality sets in. You were really good to him! I say go with your instinct: if you don't feel like cooking, don't. Decide what will really taste good to you and find it.
                                                                    If you do feel like cooking fix things that are fun to cook. And ice cream is always a good soother! Best to you.

                                                                    1. re: Miri1

                                                                      Being lovesick has got to be one of the worst griefs of all!
                                                                      it SUCKS

                                                                      But as so many have said, it does get better with time, you just have to hang in there!

                                                                      You said, you havent eaten - make sure you eat - and while comfort food is great - you don't want to go overboard - You definitely dont want to be broken hearted AND ten pounds heavier!

                                                                      1. re: Miri1

                                                                        Miri, try (if you don't mind spicy things) something spicy. It gets the circulation going. Try going out for really good Mexican/Thai/Szechuan food, heavy on veggies and spices and good proteins. Very cathartic.

                                                                        1. re: pinehurst

                                                                          Catharsis thru capsicum.
                                                                          You should write a book.
                                                                          I think you are on to something.

                                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                                            Living, eating & drinking well=the best revenge

                                                                        2. I say, skip the food, cooking just leads to dishes. Go straight for the alcohol.

                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                          1. re: Whinerdiner

                                                                            Wine can work miracles.... so can a vodka with citrus soda!

                                                                          2. Booze and lots of it is one of the keys to mend a broken heart..along with a bunch of mac n'cheese boxes..the expensive ones..
                                                                            Been there and it sucks big time but after you've cried your eyes out with bags of Chips Ahoy and downing it with a tons of Cranberry vodkas, its time to get strong and realize that there are lots of great guys out there that appreciate someone like yourself Miri that makes them omelets or pancakes at midnight...warm cookies to his office..

                                                                            Dang, I bet most of the guys at his office are already weaseling how to get your phone number because your guy was just too blind to see how wonderful you are!

                                                                            Trust me...the girl who knows how to cook and cook well is a real prize!
                                                                            A guy loves a great gal that knows how to cook and take care of her man!

                                                                            Hang in there sweetheart and take the advice of Beach Chick..

                                                                            1. don'[t eat too much - you wanna look awesome for the next guy when you're ready!!

                                                                              1. Miri, the reason you don't crave eating is because that was what you "shared" I would say make a nice cool and tasty fruit salad, or some homemade chicken soup with a ton of veggies and a hint of citrus. The get out and go to the beach (if you can) and get an ice cream as you walk its length and enjoy the sunshine. I too have had a similar situation and to be honest the BEST thing I ever did, was get away from him... what a waste of my energy.

                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                1. re: gryphonskeeper

                                                                                  Love you all! :)

                                                                                  I ened up finally making a sort of Mexican sandwich with beans and cheese on corn tortillas and cooking it till melty in a frying pan. Got down half of it. Had that for lunch and then tonight, I bought a fresh baguette and made garlic bread with a tuna salad (one of my all time faves).

                                                                                  I can;t handle too much alcohol, or believe me, I'd have gone for an entire bottle of wine. A glass is about my limit. I'm taking heart in the fact that his entire family loves me and will not welcome the new chick very warmly.

                                                                                  Gonna hit the gym tomorrow and perhaps beat the crap out of the heavy-weight bag. I'm starting to get angry now, so maybe I'll be functioning better...

                                                                                  1. re: Miri1

                                                                                    Based on the stages of grief you are making progress! Here is a link to them and in the seven step model Anger is #3 and in the five step model it is #2.

                                                                                    http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&am...

                                                                                    Some say it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to truly get over it. In the mean time, beat the heck out of the bag - working out is awesome. Focus to turn the negative into a positive with productivity in any way possible. Maybe in your personal life enjoy a hobby you didn't have time for when with him. Extra work attention often pays off as well. Life is a ballance. Time will do the most to heal.

                                                                                    1. re: Miri1

                                                                                      good for you -- one of the few times that it's GOOD to be pissed off and bitter.

                                                                                      just remember to let it go when you don't need it any more. ;)

                                                                                  2. Miri1, I couldn't be more sorry about what you're going through. A terrible experience for you. For now, we need to get you through these first weeks. I know you can't really eat so I'd like to remind you to be sure that you're taking supplements now. And keep drinking tea or water or whatever so that you aren't dehydrating. That will make you feel even worse and lord knows you don't need that. Are you up to a small smoothie? Maybe leave the blender out and whirl something up just to give you some nourishment that doesn't require much prep and is still good for you.

                                                                                    Now here is the mother in me speaking: Time to change up your routine. If your days stay just the same, the hole he's left will remain and every time he "should" have been there will feel like a fresh stab. The old advice about doing something to help others is SO incredibly right on. Doesn't have to be altruistic at this point, do it for you. But do it. Not even really to make friends at this point, though you might anyway, but to fill your time, distract you, and change your schedule. You might choose something involving serving food to folks who need it if that would be comforting. Or maybe that'd just be painful at this point and you'll want something completely unrelated.
                                                                                    If it's too soon to think about that, do anything you feel up to. Set up a walk time, a time to hang at the library and look at their magazines, time to walk your neighbor's dog. Heck, start a gym routine and meet a friend before/after at a time you'd normally be home cooking/feeding him. And be patient and gentle with yourself. If your heartache was a head wound you'd be in the ICU, right? Treat yourself tenderly.
                                                                                    Bottom line: Break your routine, fill your time (but not so much that you don't have time for yourself and some grieving), be sure you're at least fairly nourished and well hydrated.

                                                                                    I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. His family probably can't say too much, in support of him, but I'd bet their hearts are hurting, too.

                                                                                    This is a seriously painful time but you will be back out in the sunlight after you heal. Know that, even when you can't feel it.

                                                                                    1. Sounds like you not only enjoy cooking, but also cooking FOR someone. Even if you don't much feel like eating (understandable), can you perhaps get some pleasure out of food by cooking for some girlfriends or family? Or, as Nicollette suggested, perhaps serving food (e.g. at a soup kitchen). BTW, I never much felt like eating after a breakup, choosing to exercise instead.

                                                                                      Or perhaps you could bake some bread that requires kneading? The kneading could be an adjunct to your punching bag at the gym (you can work out some serious aggression with bread baking), plus you can freeze to eat when your appetite comes back.

                                                                                      19 Replies
                                                                                      1. re: nofunlatte

                                                                                        I cooked for my office when I found myself single...I got to cook for someone else, and I promise they enjoyed it. I think they were disappointed when I met my husband.

                                                                                        1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                          Spring is almost here and I suggest a trip to a farmers market. Walking around outside, talking to the farmers, and be inspired by some beautiful vegetables.

                                                                                          The right man is looking for you, but you won't meet until you leave the house.

                                                                                          1. re: DaisyM

                                                                                            Update. My best girlfriend dragged me out of the house on Tuesday night for the mardi gras party at the Farmer's Market here in LA (3rd and Fairfax) Music, food, dancing...I actually enjoyed myself a little. Its hard not to because she's always laughing, even at herself. We had hot tea and cookies at the Coffee Bean after and I felt a little more alive.

                                                                                            Then yesterday he dropped a thank you card in my mail box to thank me for the b-day party I arranged. That was the same party where his current gf (though at the time they hadn't started dating) basically tried to get rid of me, even though I'd made the party! That card hit me hard. Later in the day he called to ask why he hadn't seen me around, how was I doing etc. WTF?? Hes so damn clueless. I was very polite, but hung up pretty quickly.

                                                                                            Lucky for me, I was right next to a bakery when he called so I went in and bought a danish. Nibbled a little but its still pretty much uneaten. He reopened the wound. I don't hink he knows how I feel, how much I'm hurting. He's not a mean guy. Just clueless.

                                                                                            1. re: Miri1

                                                                                              Honey, you are SO much better than this clod. Mark anything he sends you as "return to sender". Don't answer his calls.

                                                                                              Why would you want to saddle yourself to someone so completely out of touch with anything that's going on around him? Life with this one would be an endless stream of forgotten birthdays and anniversaries, and him just never catching on to the fact that there's a living, breathing person in the same room who might have thoughts or emotions.

                                                                                              He'll continue to ignore your wants and needs for as long as you're around him...so don't be around him.

                                                                                              Get pissed off. Shout at him if he calls and just feel obligated to answer.

                                                                                              But close the door on this one, my dear -- there's someone else out there who deserves you.

                                                                                              1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                I'm not sure I understand the reaction in this one. The OP said they were never actually dating unless I'm missing something.

                                                                                                1. re: im_nomad

                                                                                                  because she's obviously hurting and trying to get over him...and he remains oblivious to her feelings. Doesn't matter whether it had an official title or not -- she had feelings for him, and got hurt.

                                                                                                  1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                    I was specifically talking about the "rip him a new one" mentality, not the overall post.

                                                                                                    1. re: im_nomad

                                                                                                      Shout at him =/= rip him a new one.

                                                                                              2. re: Miri1

                                                                                                Miri,
                                                                                                Since the guy obviously doesn't have a clue - why don't you fill him in on how you're feeling?
                                                                                                I bet you would feel a whole lot better for getting it off your chest - and out of your heart.
                                                                                                Then maybe you'll get your appetie back and indulge in some of the many suggestions you've gotten here for some good comfort food!

                                                                                                1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                  Miri, sounds like this oaf has his cake but he wants his ice cream too with you.

                                                                                                  1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                    Is he that clueless? He's gotta know that treating you like a girlfriend for 2 years and then deciding to date someone else is hurtful! Girl, life is beautiful and you live in LA!! Get back out there and please don't ever just settle for someone's company when you know deep down you want more, we're all worth more than that!

                                                                                                    Hope you're feeling better!

                                                                                                    1. re: Luvfriedokra

                                                                                                      You know what's amazing? You guys here don't know me at all and you're all more concerned about me thanhe was after knowing me for YEARS! Wow, what a revelation! :)

                                                                                                      I signed up, for the first time, for an online dating service. First guy I spoke to was an ass. He was offended because I wouldn't come to his house to meet him. Crossed him off my list.

                                                                                                      Second guy was similar. strted discussing inappropriate topics right off the bat. Strike two.

                                                                                                      Third guy sounds like he might have potential. He called, we had a nice conversation, he's going to call again this weekend. Things are lookingup.

                                                                                                      And, to bring it back to the topic, food, I made my first omelet tonight in 2 weeks! Yay! I've missed them!

                                                                                                      1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                        I made my first omelet tonight in 2 weeks! Yay! I've missed them!
                                                                                                        ~~~~~~~~
                                                                                                        now THAT, my dear, is the best news you could have given us :)

                                                                                                        please take it slow with your reentry into the dating world...putting yourself back out there before you're ready for it can make it even more difficult to recover if things don't go well. for now, just give yourself some time to heal!

                                                                                                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                          I'll second that -- get yourself healed up...you're not ready to put yourself out there again yet.

                                                                                                          Volunteer, take up a new hobby, take a class you've been putting off (because you were waiting around for Mr. Insensitive to declare you his girlfriend).

                                                                                                          You've spent a lot of time and energy taking care of him....try taking care of yourself for once. Be selfish, it's okay.

                                                                                                        2. re: Miri1

                                                                                                          it is amazing to me too....that he does not care half as much as a stranger online

                                                                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                            Online dating is a strange thing, but there are nice people out there. Get ready for some first-date tales of horror to dine out on for years! I have a few. . . One guy who wouldn't stop trying to explain to me how long his erm, "fingers" were. I drank a lot of wine during that appetizer wait. Ooh, and then there was the gentleman who investigated UFO sightings.

                                                                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                            Does he really know how you feel?
                                                                                                            Have you ever told him?
                                                                                                            Don't ASS-U-ME!
                                                                                                            We're (guys) clueless unless you tell us!
                                                                                                            There might still be a chance............
                                                                                                            This little separation might have made him realize he really misses you, but he doesn't know how to get back together.
                                                                                                            What's to lose. Need to really know befroe you move on..

                                                                                                            1. re: flylice2x

                                                                                                              nah, if they want it, guys are on it. No percentage in trying to make them.

                                                                                                    2. Tip: The best "comfort food" is time. You shouldn't be dating while the scar is healing. BUT -- if you meet any of of these online guys, and so it isn't a total loss, at least ask them for recipes.

                                                                                                      2 Replies
                                                                                                      1. re: beevod

                                                                                                        Or find some new, delicious restaurants/coffee shops etc to add to your rotation!

                                                                                                        1. re: iowagirl

                                                                                                          No kidding -- do not, under any circumstance, go to the places the two of you hung out together...at least until the healing process is well underway.

                                                                                                      2. Does wine count? No? Not even if it's red? Then I've been doing it all wrong...

                                                                                                        1. What is your phone number :)

                                                                                                          1. Miri1, you have my sympathies. I'm one year out from a surprise divorce after 6 years of living together and only 2 married, he walked in and said, "I don't think this is gonna work." So here I am starting over with nothing but my stuff, my determination and my sewing business at 56. I've been looking for a job for a year but nobody wants to hire someone who isn't already working. Karma came when he recently got fired from his job.

                                                                                                            What I do is mac-n-cheese with sliced hot dogs, nachos by browning some hamburger with chopped onions and garlic, add some salsa, chop up black olives, grate cheese on it, add some salt and cumin; then pop in toaster oven until cheese melts. Then I add sour cream and chow down. I read a lot. I use baking therapy and have perfected my muffin recipe. I also made apple butter and baked pumpkin and zucchini bread to sell over the holidays.

                                                                                                            Good luck, know you're not alone so long as you have sympathetic friends. Also know that he didn't deserve you and that you'll find better.

                                                                                                            1. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes over how sweet Chowhound folk are. After a break up, cooking for others does really help, but feel free to wallow in pity for awhile with some fresh pasta with parmesan and butter. Time does actually help. So does a new boyfriend!

                                                                                                              1. If things are REALLY bad, one box of Stove Top stuffing from beginning to end. If they are just kinda bad, then instant mashed potatoes topped with pesto and parmesan.

                                                                                                                1. Wow. Been there and I am so sorry.

                                                                                                                  For me, at that time pizza was a great healer. That and a good General Tso's shrimp with fried shrimp dumplings on the side. Take out is a must. It gets you out of the house and if it is nice outside and there is a place to eat, sit. Try to stay out of the house if you can at least at the beginning.

                                                                                                                  And sushi is good too. After the abusive idiot dumped me about 10 years ago, I went to a sushi bar and sat in front of the master sushi chef- or however he is referred. He kept me in sushi all night and made me laugh. He made extra big rolls for his other customers and gave me the 'extras'. He bought me a Sapporo but only to be nice, nothing more. I guess I had that 'freshly dumped' look. (Idiot boy couldn't eat seafood so I was deprived for a year or more.)

                                                                                                                  Sounds like you did alot for this guy and he didn't appreciate it. Did he ever bring you cookies or make you breakfast? Thinking of these things might help you heal. And I don't think he is clueless. He had a good thing with you but sounds pretty immature. I haven't read the book, but 'He's just not that into you ' might be a good one for you to get.

                                                                                                                  1. My first thought when I read your comfort food appeal was this post from ChowHound: http://www.chow.com/food-news/74871/f... Melted cheese always makes me feel better.

                                                                                                                    On that note, French Onion Soup au Gratin, Lasagna or a big heaping plate of nachos with all the fixings.

                                                                                                                    1. Potstickers! Kung Pao chicken and fried rice

                                                                                                                      1. ramen. my favorite is shoyu with tons of pork on top. you can always go out for ramen and there's always a seat for one and others eating alone. good luck. we've all been there. guys suck. move on. it's for your own good.

                                                                                                                        1. I am so sorry you're going through this. The sadness changes your relationship to food, yet food can help! I didn't want to go out, didn't want to cook. Chocolate helps, good very dark chocolate. Since I couldn't bear to cook, I ate hummus and lots of great cheese, which felt like pampering myself. You may not want to go out, but let a good friend come and bring a great bottle of prosecco or whatever you like, cook you some pasta and watch funny movies with you.

                                                                                                                          1. Miri, anger and doing the online thing are good! Take some solace in the fact that someday when this fellow is old and gray, he is going to reflect back on this time and regret what he passed up! Seriously. Keep busy, help those less fortunate than you and do things to make yourself happy!

                                                                                                                            You sound like a lovely lady and deserve someone who will appreciate all that you have to offer. That being said, no other person will make us happy. Need to do that yourself.

                                                                                                                            1. So sorry for your pain, but it's almost impossible for any of us to escape this life without experiencing it. Become a "wounded healer". Do something for someone who has neither the power or resources to return the favor. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or women's shelter and cook for people who would really appreciate your efforts. Not only does it make you feel better about yourself, but you meet some wonderful people when you do volunteer work.
                                                                                                                              So often, people in unfortunate circumstances, haven't had anyone to make them feel special or worthy in a long time. Miri1, one person can really make a difference in the life of someone else.

                                                                                                                              Food preparation can be theraputic for the giver, and the finished product can go a long way to building self esteem and dignity in the life of the receiver, The world needs people like you.

                                                                                                                              Toni

                                                                                                                              1. Miri1, I just saw this, and I'm certainly hoping that things have improved for you since March. I do have a suggestion for when you need comfort, though; a baked potato, in a bowl, with kosher salt and pepper and unsalted butter on the side. You have to eat each bite with a little bite of butter to make it happen right, but this one works; just ask Nora Ephron (and me.)

                                                                                                                                2 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                  MC, are you in some alternate universe with an accelerated calendar? 'cause we still have more than half of March to go where i am ;)

                                                                                                                                  "I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most, but never the potatoes that went with them."

                                                                                                                                  1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                    yack! When I looked at the OP I didn't look carefully; when I saw March I assumed March of last year until you called this to my attention! (I do live in an accelerated universe, though; last night we SPRANG FORWARD an hour!)
                                                                                                                                    So Miri1: I'm sure you're still feeling sad and in need of comfort. The advice below is beautiful and heartfelt (from Ski_gypsy.) Mine in addition would be to love yourself, do something nice for yourself everyday if you can, and reach out whenever possible.
                                                                                                                                    Regards and Hugs,
                                                                                                                                    Marci

                                                                                                                                2. Miri1, I have had serious relationships with some wonderful men. According to my mother there were a couple that I should have married, but looking back there aren't any that I'm sorry I didn't. What does surprise me though looking back, is that as much as I passionately loved each one at the time, I'm so glad now that I didn't marry any of them because I wouldn't have the wonderful relationship I have now with the man of my dreams. I see that each of those relationships served to prepare me for the amazing relationship I have now.

                                                                                                                                  I guess what I'm trying to say is that, as hard as it is to believe in this moment, "This too shall pass".

                                                                                                                                  When you're ready to see it as such, this guy gave you a great gift. He helped you define the positive things you want in a man and a relationship, and to be able to recognize it when you see it. The things you enjoyed and admired about him will become the foundation of your "must have" list when you're ready to meet the RIGHT man for you, i.e. the man who has all those qualities... and wants and adores YOU!

                                                                                                                                  In the meantime, you wanted some easy things to make that require minimal effort but are comforting, and I have 2 that I highly recommend. First is; Pasta coated with straight from the bottle Basil & Garlic infused olive oil, then topped with chopped jarred sun dried tomatoes, and sprinkled with chopped fresh basil and parmesean.....yuhummm, and EASY!

                                                                                                                                  For dessert; Graham crackers spread with cream cheese and slathered with Lemon Curd from the jar = Instant lemon pie!

                                                                                                                                  And of course HUGE helpings of great girlfriends, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, and Faith and self love!

                                                                                                                                  1. Sorry to hear this, but to be honest, probably the best thing to do besides focusing on food to comfort the emptiness (because this can become a pattern), it's best to get outside and be active with a friend or go to the gym and something healthy with protein and complex carbs. This will make you feel better a lot longer than a quick fatty fix, and keep your serotonin levels up.

                                                                                                                                    1. I've got the answer! Bacon infused bourbon! A fabulous invention plus you et some home cooking therapy! http://nymag.com/restaurants/recipes/...

                                                                                                                                        1. re: Jenn1234

                                                                                                                                          I haven't been on the board much lately so there were a lot of posts for me to read regarding my original post.

                                                                                                                                          First, thanks to all of you for all of your responses. It means so much to me that a bunch of veritable strangers, brought together by our love of food, are so concerned for my well being. It's a wonderful feeling!

                                                                                                                                          In the last few weeks I've really done a lot of soul searching, and while I still miss him terribly, I see that our relationship was mostly a give and take, with me giving and him taking. I'm a very giving person, and this enver bothered me until I had no choice but to take a step back and take a good look at that relationship. dammit, I deserve MORE! I deserve someone who is going to take me to dinner at a nice restaurant. I deserve to have someone bring me flowers once in a while. I deserve someone who will be punctual. I deserve someone who will take care of ME when I need it, not constantly worry about caring for HIM and HIS needs. A relationship is a partnership!

                                                                                                                                          Yes, I miss him. I miss his silly, random texts, I miss his comforting arms when I'm sad and his off color jokes when he tries to cheer me up. But I'm doing better, and last week i got back into the kitchen and learned to bake something new- mandelbrot. All sorts of variations, and then are GOOD! I never made those for him, and now he might never get to taste them. But I'm so happy I have something new that I can make that doesn't remind me of him.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                                                            Miri1, good on you! And dear, if you care enough to post your sadness, of course we're going to care enough to respond for you. It's what we do here.
                                                                                                                                            Mandelbrot. That'll cure a broken heart for sure. I'm glad you found your way back into the heart of the home, and even happier that you've had a chance to do some serious soul-searching. You DO deserve more. You deserve partnership. I wish you the best, only the very very best, while you are a-journeying.
                                                                                                                                            Marci

                                                                                                                                            1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                                                              HURRAY! That's the anger and (very) righteous indignation I was hoping you'd find...because until you have that, you're not ready to slam that door hard enough to keep it closed.

                                                                                                                                              Good for you!

                                                                                                                                          2. You might consider a bit of therapy before you fall into another I'm-the-giver-you're-the-taker relation. PS: Chocolate covered halvah can be a great comforter.

                                                                                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                                                                                            1. re: beevod

                                                                                                                                              I'm not going into ANY relationship right now. I'm meeting some new men, but none of them are looking for serious relationships right now so it's a good thing. Lots of laughs, some silliness. One of my best friends, a guy, is in the middle of a divorce and we've been hanging out too. He's a lot of fun. Took me to the beach today. There's nothing like a stroll on the sand at the edge of the Pacific ocean to make me feel better.

                                                                                                                                              mamachef, yes madlebrot are amazing. Wit a hot cup of tea and a girlfriend for company they soothe the soul.

                                                                                                                                              Um, did someone mention chocolate covered halvah? Outta my way! It's MINE! :)

                                                                                                                                              1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                                                                Halvah is so good. I am glad that it has never gained much of a following otherwise it would be more readily available. Imagine if halvah was as commercially available as all of the American Hershey bars... decadence!

                                                                                                                                            2. Ugh, I know this is old, and I was smug in my answers, but it happened to me on Mother's day, and things have fallen apart. Cooking for myself with no appetite or hunger seems a huge waste of time.

                                                                                                                                              I don't mean to be a downer, but now I understand.

                                                                                                                                              5 Replies
                                                                                                                                              1. re: tracylee

                                                                                                                                                *hands tracy a tissue and a pint of Haagen-Dazs*

                                                                                                                                                Re-read the rest of the thread to get some ideas on keeping your body nourished while your soul just couldn't care less.

                                                                                                                                                and hope it's looking brighter soon.

                                                                                                                                                1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                  Thanks so much sunshine, I do intent to re-read the thread. For now, party pizzas and hot pockets are my friends. I so wish I could eat Haagen-Dazs!

                                                                                                                                                2. re: tracylee

                                                                                                                                                  I recently got dumped too, and I can relate. It is so hard for me to make my children dinner when I can't even put anything in my mouth that is not alcoholic lately. I have wasted down to 96lbs. ugh. I am just now able to get down a few swallows. It's tough but I am bouncing back... slowly.

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: gryphonskeeper

                                                                                                                                                    Ugh, sorry gryphonskeeper. Yeah, I'm down to 102, and no muscle.

                                                                                                                                                    I'd been making progress before all of this happened, cooking all sorts of new things because I knew they'd be eaten up, regardless of the results.

                                                                                                                                                  2. re: tracylee

                                                                                                                                                    I'd try chocolate!

                                                                                                                                                    I hope you take some time to heal and don't be too hard on yourself for feeling like garbage. You'll be hungry again soon and your esteem will pick right up.

                                                                                                                                                    When it happened to me, I was eating corn tortillas warmed in a pan with cheese then rolled, wrapped in a napkin (to keep the cheese grease from landing on me) and nibbled on slowly. Very yummy, very small and very easy to make without taking planning, effort or time. And, since it is warm, it is soothing.

                                                                                                                                                    There is nothing wrong with being a downer when you are down, it happens to us all and we just need to work through it.

                                                                                                                                                  3. I wonder how you are doing. Are you still moving forward and feeling better?

                                                                                                                                                    I liked the responses you got, they were really good.

                                                                                                                                                    I thought I'd share that this happened to me too. A very good friend wanted more, I didn't but over time I did and then he lost interest. I lost the friend and those romantic feelings. I couldn't eat anything, well, hardly anything, for three months! I started with chocolate and moved on from there. The desserts make it easy because they, especially chocolate, can create happy sensations in the brain, helping to bring about better moods.

                                                                                                                                                    I'm glad you are taking your time before starting any kind of relationship. Even though he was a "friend", they can be as much of an emotional/heart investment as any relationship and they hurt when they end.

                                                                                                                                                    When I think back, I'm really glad my friendship never became more. It wasn't a good match (I don't drink alcohol nor do I smoke pot). And, I've grown quite a bit out of the frustration of the loss. AND, I'm very happy with my guy and we have been happy together for six years. He was worth the wait.

                                                                                                                                                    Good luck! I hope all continues to go well.

                                                                                                                                                    1. My advice: go to lots of movies .. they are really distracting. If you read a book, your mind can wander back to him more easily.

                                                                                                                                                      Next relationship/friendship .. try hard to keep it even, don't give so much more than they do.

                                                                                                                                                      What about taking a cooking class or teaching yourself something like fresh pasta, fresh bread, pie?
                                                                                                                                                      (I think I'd like to find a Chinese cooking class -- would be different and loads of fun.)

                                                                                                                                                      1. Usually I do not eat much after a breakup ether but when I need something highly caloric... I make...PUPPY CHOW!

                                                                                                                                                        You can even make it with Sunspire Grain-sweetened chips--which IMHO, are the best kind of chocolate chips.

                                                                                                                                                        2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                        1. re: GraceW

                                                                                                                                                          Wow, was I surprised to see this thread reactivated, and so sorry to hear about the break-ups. It totally sucks. I still feel pain when I think about mine, and it's been several months. I was in a very bad place, and I needed to get out of my hole. And, as it turns out, my best friend, who I met through my ex, as then also unceremoniously dumped by my guy;s brother! (yeah, we were going out with two brothers and through them we became bff's and then got dumped. In the same month.

                                                                                                                                                          So fast forward to now. I started seeing a natural healer for my insomnia and he put me on an entirely new eating plan. No dairy, no soy, no white wheat. All whole grains, fruits, veggies, eggs, fish, tempeh (because it's fermented, and fermented foods are good) seitan... you get the idea. Suddenly I had no choice but to learn to cook foods that my boyfriend had not liked. And I found that I was enjoying cooking again. I'm experimenting with making my own seitan, whole grain cookies, bread and different foods. I'm feeling better, sleeping better, my allergies are gone. and I've lost 180 lbs (and 6 feet) of body mass! LOL I still get the occasional twinge when his name comes up, but I've thrown out all traces of him, even gifts (of which there were few) and I'm putting myself back together. It was hard and painful, but it can be done with a little effort and time.

                                                                                                                                                          I've started hanging out with my girlfriends again, and it's actually FUN! We poke fun at men, make funny voodoo dolls and just give one another strength. What a difference a few months can make!

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                                                                            Glad to hear you're doing well! Isn't it great what good friends can do for you.

                                                                                                                                                            I know I'll get through this eventually. Glad you posted

                                                                                                                                                        2. I know this is a revived thread, but to any others that may need some chow advise as to what to eat after that idiot dumped, this is what I have done with good results:

                                                                                                                                                          Buy a dozen oysters and a bottle of champagne (or makings for a martini). It's simple and decadent. You're treating yourself!

                                                                                                                                                          Pasta. Oh, the pasta! This is a must. Weather it's freshly made or from a jar, pasta is the dish that makes me happy. Have a favorite Italian place? They most likely do take out.

                                                                                                                                                          Once your feeling a wee bit better, get a nice steak (or a chop or chicken), pair it with a nice salad (made with whatever vegetable they hated), and some bread. Get a nice bottle of wine, because you are worth it! You need to treat yourself properly, because that fool did NOT!

                                                                                                                                                          If you like to bake, make cookies (or any other baked good that can be easily shared). Take them into the office. Not only have you had the joy of licking the beaters, and having a cookie, you now have shared food with friends. They'll thank you for it!

                                                                                                                                                          Then, yes, since we love to cook for others, invite over a friend or two. Make them dinner. It need not be fancy, or complex, in fact it should be a simple easy recipe; it can be very simple like pasta, bread, salad, and wine. Share the meal with them. This will dissociate cooking for that fool!

                                                                                                                                                          And to you miri!, glad to hear you're doing better! That fool was not worth a snot. Get someone who will treat you well, none of this half assed stuff. He should be making you omelettes!

                                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                          1. re: cosmogrrl

                                                                                                                                                            Tracylee, the best thing to do is just get out...don't allow yourself to sit and wallow because it will never get better. The mind starts to over-think it and before you know it. you're back to square one. "If only's" are the worst! "If only I'd done such and such, it wouldn't have happened. "If only I'd said something else". "If only, if only if only..." That phrase can run like a hamster in a wheel around in your head and drive you insane.

                                                                                                                                                            cosmogrrl, yeah, I'm doing a lot better. He's a total jacka** and not worth a second of my time. But ti took me a while to get to this point and with good friends, online and otherwise, and good food, I'm recovering quiet well! :)

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Miri1

                                                                                                                                                              Thanks Miri1. In my case there's nothing I could have done differently. It was an issue he's had most of his life and it suddenly came to a disastrous crisis. Think restraining order. 'nuff said.

                                                                                                                                                              Suddenly my appetite and need to cook came back with a vengeance, however! On Monday, I made ricotta to make ricotta gnocchi on Wednesday, picked the meat off of a rotisserie chicken, and made chili oil. Yesterday, I made the gnocchi with plenty to freeze for later, ate a serving of them in sage browned butter, and finished the evening by making a pepperoni pizza from scratch. Tonight it's chicken curry from that chicken.

                                                                                                                                                              I really need to rearrange a few things in the kitchen. I hate having to drag out the step-stool to get out and put away storage containers. There's a low cupboard with things I don't use as often that I can swap things out.

                                                                                                                                                          2. Ohhh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that :(

                                                                                                                                                            Best comfort food? Chocolate. Brownies, cookies, cakes, truffles, doughnuts, and anything in between. Then, sign up to your local gym and get high on exercise endorphins :)

                                                                                                                                                            1. Initially I always go for the starches: pasta, rice or popcorn with plenty of butter and maybe some grated cheese.

                                                                                                                                                              Sometimes an old school Cantonese egg fu young will do the trick for me as well.

                                                                                                                                                              As I'm feeling just a mite better, any kind of seafood becomes a must-have.