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"Kids Say the Darndest Things" about Food, Cooking, etc.: Plse Add Your Funny Experiences!

i love the "Cooking w/ Dexter" pieces in the NYTimes Sunday magazine. Here in Boston, my fav story was one i read in The Globe Sunday magazine.

A woman was post-holiday cooking a turkey leftovers dish with her 4 year old grandson. After she explained to him that next, she was going to dice the turkey, he asked "O.K. but after you do that, can I paint the dots on them?" !!!!!!!!!!

i bet you have some good ones too!............

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  1. We have a child in the family who has a tendency to complain about the food being too spicy. This extends well beyond foods that actually have hot chiles or cayenne pepper etc. in them. Any food and every food is subject to be declared "too spicy" by fiat.

    So one day, we're having supper. Something totally bland- turkey sandwiches or something. Child has a glass of ice water. Child drinks ice water and declares,

    "Ugh! This ice is too spicy!"

    1. My youngest thought mangoes were flamingo eggs. She was absolutely convinced: Flamingoes gave us mangoes like hens gave us eggs. To this day (child is graduating high school now) we still call mangoes "mangle-o's," as that was child's word for both flamingoes and mangoes.

      And there's the "Which came first...?" joke in there.

      1. My 11 yr old told me, after a stop at Starbucks, "I always feel so much more mature when I drink coffee.". Made me chuckle.

        1 Reply
        1. re: VeggieHead

          I would have told her not to fret, Starbucks isn't actual coffee!:)

        2. I tried passing off some frozen Chinese chicken stir fry (one of the better ones I think) as something I made, which I dashed up a bit and made some rice on the side. I thought I might try it to see if it was a meal I could use again when my boys were much younger. When I brought it to the table I made it look real appetizing (I think we had salad too). After they both started eating my older son (not yet 10) said to me with the most puzzled look, "Mom? Is this.........prepared?".

          1. After boosting himself into a cafe chair, and opening a menu, my preschool son said with a sigh, "Still can't read."

            15 Replies
            1. re: sueatmo

              did you HEAR my deep guffaws?!!! That is PRECious!!

                  1. re: sueatmo

                    This is my favorite so far, I can just see it happening. So cute!

                    1. re: sueatmo

                      Ha - I wandered over to this board and couldn't resist opening this thread. LOVED this story - laughed out loud. Last year, I found my 2 year old (who also can't read, obviously) sitting on a chair, studiously going through the weekend flyers. When I asked him what he was doing, he gazed up at me and said "I'm looking to see if diapers are on sale at Wal-Mart". Kids are the best!

                      1. re: peppermint pate

                        They are so much a product of what they hear and experience, aren't they peppermint? That's a precious, precious story. It made me snort-laugh out loud.
                        In that vein, when #1 son was maybe 5, we got out of the supermarket and I looked down to see that he had a roll of lifesavers clutched in his sticky little hand. When I picked my jaw up off the pavement, I asked him what in the world he was thinking, and he said, "yesterday in the 'apartment' store, you said, we never pay full price for anything, so I didn't."
                        Quick re-structuring in life lessons:

                        #1: we never take something that does not belong to us
                        #2: we never pay full price for anything. (especially at the department stores.)

                        1. re: mamachef

                          OMG - so, so funny. I particularly like the way you recalibrated your life lessons on the spot.

                          That same son, having figured out that anything pictured in a flyer was on sale, pointed to an ad for a GPS system, which showed a monitor with a map in it and said "Look mama, roads are on sale."

                          I need to get my brain in gear to remember some of the food related comments as I know there has been loads of them - just can't remember a single one at the moment!

                          1. re: mamachef

                            Love it! Perfectly logical to a 5-year-old-brain because, really, he didn't pay full price.

                        2. re: sueatmo

                          LOVE IT! I can just picture the sigh.

                            1. re: sueatmo

                              That's one of the funniest things I've ever read.

                              1. re: sueatmo

                                This still cracks me up every time I think about it.

                                1. re: buttertart

                                  me too!! I tell people IRL this story... They love it!

                                  1. re: kubasd

                                    You know, I crack up myself whenever I remember it. He is of course far older now. He still cracks me up though.

                              2. If we were at a sports event, my kids always wanted to go to the "confession stand" for treats.

                                1. When my son was about four, he and my husband collaborated on a dinner to have ready when I brought his little sister home from the hospital. It was great; beef stew and salad, as I remember, and I complimented him and he puffed up and said, "you know why it was so good, mommy? Because it had so many INGREDIENTS."

                                  4 Replies
                                  1. re: mamachef

                                    Too cute!

                                    "INGREDIENTS." makes me think of my 18 y.o., who recently shepherded yet another impromptu tribe of snack-seeking teens through the kitchen with a casual "Oh, we don't have any food right now; we only have ingredients."

                                    At least we have "many" of them, huh? ;)

                                    1. re: cayjohan

                                      Oh, that kills! And it's so funny - until I really learned to grocery shop (what with all that boring meal planning) my husband used to say, "you either come home with things to eat, or things to cook, never anything in between." Hah!

                                      1. re: cayjohan

                                        My 17yr. old says that when she doesn't feel like cooking. She is a very talented cook too.

                                      2. re: mamachef

                                        Years ago, my son told his preschool teacher his least favorite food was "ingredients." She was totally baffled until I explained that I'd made a beef stew that was different from my usual recipe. When my son complained that he didn't like beef stew, I told him, "You just don't like the ingredients in this one."

                                      3. These stories are too adorable!

                                        Recently I was telling my young nieces and nephews about the "different" foods my husband and I have encountered in European countries. My 3-year-old niece asked, "You mean the food is mushy and gooey? Is it stretchy? Is it sticky or slippery?" She proceeded to ask me if it was green. My 4-year-old nephew lost focus of the food and wanted to blurted, "Did you buy your house or are you renting?"

                                        2 Replies
                                        1. re: chefathome

                                          OMG I would've peed myself on your nephew's question. And actually it sounds like the niece may be a budding 'Hound, don't you think?

                                          1. re: mamachef

                                            It was so funny! His question was so out of the blue. What 4-year-old even knows about owning/renting options? Must have heard his Daddy talk about renting land or whatever.

                                            That niece is definitely a budding hound. She was so in earnest when she kept asking me questions about different foods. When I told her "different" it is almost as though she thought it was otherwordly or something...

                                        2. I've posted this elsewhere, but....

                                          My friend's son forgot his homemade lunch one day, so his mom gave him money to buy a school lunch. on picking him up, she asked how he'd liked it. "It was weird. The menu said tuna, but when I got it, it was on bread and was all brown and squishy with some white sauce on it."

                                          The 5 yr. old boy, of course, had only ever had raw tuna from sushi restaurants! He has still never had a tuna fish sandwich, and he's 8!

                                          Another friend's child (i don't have any!), about 6 years old, on telling us what he would feed a girl on their first date: "Some lobster and a big bowl of rice!" Apparently, that was the culinary apex for him.

                                          2 Replies
                                          1. re: mariacarmen

                                            That's my kinda boy--and the only kinda tuna I like, too! :)

                                          2. We used to buy a thin, Italian sausage that comes in a curly-cue, which we barbecued. My nephew, always a good eater, mused, "where does this sausage come from? Surely not a fat pig!"

                                            Cuz you can't get thin sausage from a fat pig, get it?

                                            3 Replies
                                            1. re: pdxgastro

                                              Too cute - but what I want to know is the name of that sausage? I don't think I've ever seen it!

                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                Sorry, I don't know the name. I think you can find them in Italian delis on Long Island.

                                                1. re: mamachef

                                                  It's pin-wheel sausage!
                                                  It's the BEST.

                                                  Cheese and parsley pinwheel sausage.
                                                  It's in every "pork store" in Brooklyn, but for some reason, it's not so common in Jersey.
                                                  Weird, since Hoboken and JC where I shop, both have Italian community roots.

                                              2. My son (now 12 yrs old) was/is a nail biter. I should say, not so much a nail biter, as much as, a finger chewer.. always nibbling on something. Several years ago, while on our way home from our annual "Pick Day" on the farm where I work, I look in the rear view mirror to see him nibbling away. No sooner do I tell him, "Get your finger out of your mouth.", do I look back and it's in there again. Now, this being an ongoing "battle", I'm accustomed to saying it more than a few times each day. Well, I look up to see him chewing again and after the third time telling him, I finally raised my voice. Sitting there in his booster seat, he looks up at me and in this sad voice (because I "yelled") says, "Dad'n...I'm NOT biting my nails." and proceeds to pull a Poinsettia pepper out of his pocket and says, "I'm eating this!". Ahhh.. that's my boy!

                                                1. MY favorite wasn't from a child, it was from a woman in her 30's who was dining with my ex. She took a soup of her gazpacho and exclaimed "oh, my god they didn't even cook it, it's freezing cold." My ex, looked at her and said "you have no idea how lucky you are my boyfriend isn't here."

                                                  This one might not be the best reflection on my family, but my brother when he was about six, used to pour iced tea in a shot glass and yell "Wild Turkey" and then slam the glass on the table. When I took him out for his bachelor party I made him do the real thing. He wasn't a drinker at all, but loved the stuff. Go figure.

                                                  26 Replies
                                                  1. re: jhopp217

                                                    Mine, on having a taste of a religeuse (a French cream puff filled with pastry cream), said "Mom, I know why this is called a religeuse." oh....why?

                                                    Because the minute you take a bite you say, "Oh. My. God"

                                                    I almost drove off the road.

                                                    1. re: sunshine842

                                                      sunshine, did that REALLY happen like that?! That is just toooo perfect!!!! guffaws echoing throughout the house..........

                                                      1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                        Yep. I was dumbfounded, then I started laughing and couldn't stop.

                                                            1. re: jhopp217

                                                              Ahahahaha, the things we laughed at then that we'd be examined closely for now......
                                                              My folks used to have quite a few cocktail parties, and would generally save the glasses, etc. that had been left out for mom and some help to handle the next day. Darling baby brother slipped out of his crib one morning (he was maybe two) and got ahold of a few highball glasses with dregs in them and set to. When daddy got up, DBB was staggering around the living room giggling, heading for his perhaps 3rd or 4th tablespoon of liquor. Dad picked him up, and slung him over his shoulder, and my brother went red-faced with rage, screaming, "No! Want Mo'!"
                                                              No, he didn't grow up to have a problem with the booze, although you couldn't have predicted that from the initital explosion when it was denied him.......and I guarantee you that was the last time they ever left anything out from the night before.
                                                              : )

                                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                                Just talked briefly to mom and mentioned this topic, and she reminded me about the time she called when I was making lunch for #1 son. He had just learned how to answer the phone, so I let him go ahead. Lunch that particular day was hot dogs. We were low on ketchup, so I was resorting to the old tried-and-true method of whacking the bottom of the Heinz, so imagine the look on my face when I overheard Michael say, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now, grandma: she's hitting the bottle."
                                                                ; (

                                                                    1. re: mamachef

                                                                      Not quite food based, but a similar story. When I first met my son's dad I worked in a pharmacy and someone asked my 8 year old step son what I did for work. He very kindly informed them that I sold drugs.

                                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                                        Mommy can't come to the phone right now, grandma: she's hitting the bottle."
                                                                        that's awesome! :)

                                                                        1. re: mamachef

                                                                          :::::snort::::: Oh yeah, I can only imagine the shock on the other end of the line!

                                                                        2. re: mamachef

                                                                          o.k. mamachef, just remember, you ASKED for this:
                                                                          i was born in '51. when we lived outside of d.c. in va. when i was in elementary school, my mom would sometimes take us(younger bro. and me) antiquing in the country. when she would go into an antique shop, we were told to 'stay in the car' and not come in the shop. on one particular summer day, she was gone an unusually long time and we got bored and left the car. we knew we couldn't go in the shop, but we found something else of interest. outside the shop in an alcove was one of those now-oldfashioned red coke machines. and what was NEXT to that coke machine? why, racks of those wooden coke bottle crates.... filled with empty bottles. right? by the time my mother finally exited the shop, my brother and I had gone through ALL those 'empty bottles'!!! so of course, i have always attributed my (knock on wood) good health - to this incident. i figure if i didn't die from this experience, i prob built up quite a field of immunities!!

                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                            my mom & her cousin used to get drunk under the Passover seder table off of whatever was left in the glasses after the meal...it got them out of helping with the dishes because it was the one occasion for which they used the good china & wine goblets, and everyone was afraid they'd break something :)

                                                                            1. re: mamachef

                                                                              LOL! That reminds me of the story my mother used to tell about my older brother. We'd visit family friends out on Long Island, and "Daddy Bill" (family friend husband) always had a beer or three on those summer weekends. Approximately 5yo brother was very intrigued about Daddy Bill drinking out of a bottle instead of a glass, and kept sticking his nose into the opening of the beer bottle to smell it. Finally, Bill looked at my mother and she said "sure, go ahead!" and brother took a slug from the bottle (with Daddy Bill making sure he didn't take TOO much!)

                                                                              The rest of the weekend, brother would follow Daddy Bill around saying "Mo' beeah, Dadd' Bill! Mo' beeah!"

                                                                              And now, I don't think my brother drinks beer all that much! LOL

                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                O.k., linda, you asked for it!......in 1969, my mother and brother and I were living in Rome Italy while my father(the Naval commodore of a squadron of ships)was on a " mediterranean cruise" (as in Navy; not pleasure). At one point, my mom and he finally had a chance to be together and go away for a long wkend, just the 2 of them, leaving my 9th grade bro. and me (11th grade) on our own.

                                                                                One night that wkend, unbeknownst to me, my bro. got into and finished a bottle of wine, staggered to bed, took off his shoes, and passed out.
                                                                                When I awoke the next morning, he had just awakened and we both simultaneously went "eew! what is that smell?"
                                                                                He looked over and saw that he had thrown up all over his desert boots ( nubuck shoe style from back then.)
                                                                                He swore me to secrecy and did his best to wash them clean. You can imagine how the whole story finally came out after my mom returned home and noticed the pair of cardboard boots drying on the balcony!! My brother, now 57, does not drink wine to this day.

                                                                                1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                  Ummm...yeah. I remember desert boots. No way in hell those will clean up after being thrown up on. ;-)

                                                                                  And I don't think brother doesn't drink beer because of that taste...I just think he prefers wine or mixed drinks now more! LOL

                                                                            2. re: jhopp217

                                                                              i will venture OT for a quickie: a waitress who once worked for me told me that the most memorable waitressing incident in her career was when an( American adult ) customer, part of a table placing orders, asked her "What is Pork?" !!! i try to keep this story in mind whenever someone asks me what i consider a very basic food question. after all, we live in a very big country, with many many different people.

                                                                              1. re: jhopp217

                                                                                also not kids but... when in college some of us went to dinner together. Soup of the day, or rather soup du jour was Vichyssoise. One person ordered it. When it arrived she sent it back to be mircowaved.. exclaiming "how was i supposed to know 'soup du jour' meant 'cold soup'?"

                                                                                  1. re: KaimukiMan

                                                                                    ha, that reminds me of the time my bf and I went out to dinner with "Mr. know it all" and his date. She asked him what potage du jour was and he replied "potato soup, you idiot"

                                                                                    1. re: budlit

                                                                                      You double-dated with Cliff Claven? Cool!

                                                                                1. Last Easter, my then 4 year old had his first taste of Italian wedding soup, 100% homemade by real Italians from a family that knows how to cook. He could not stop eating it. I swear he put away a gallon.

                                                                                  A couple of days later, he asked for "meatball soup" So I bought canned soup at the store and served it to him.

                                                                                  He takes one look at it and gets really aggitated, declaring "THIS IS NOT (insert family name) SOUP! I WANT REAL MEATBALL SOUP!"

                                                                                  I cracked up because he was just so passioinate about his love and desire for the wedding soup of his memory.

                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                  1. When I was little, I remember going up to my grandparents' house for a cookout. Nanny made potato salad...the potatoes were still warm, it was sooooooooooo delicious. We took some home and my mom put it on a plate for me the next day. I looked at her and said, "Well, aren't you gonna heat it up?" Imagine. Cold potato salad. HA HA!

                                                                                    4 Replies
                                                                                    1. re: kattyeyes

                                                                                      Cleo and Katty: You're lucky (your son) and (katty) didn't end up on the couch for years of food trauma therapy. Fake meatball soup. Cold potato salad. Litigation could pend. : )

                                                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                                                        Oh there is still time, he is just 5 yo!

                                                                                        Mr. Cleo and I often talk about how different our son eats compared to our own childhoods. My mom was the absolute queen of the frozen dinner, she did not cook, period. Mr. was raised on homemade but very bland and basic food.

                                                                                      2. re: kattyeyes

                                                                                        Ok, admission time. I like to eat my potato salad right after I put it together and it's still warm. And when I eat it for leftovers, I heat it in the microwave. :*)

                                                                                        1. re: emilyjh75

                                                                                          Who knew I had a sister? Nice to meetcha! ;) It really does taste good WARM.

                                                                                      3. Driving home while my noisy 3 1/2 year (at the time) sat in the back seat bellowing... uh...singing loudly. I told him he sure was loud, but awfully cute. To which he replied "yep, I'm cute like a cutecumber." We still call them cutecumbers but now at 8 yo, inexplicably, he's decided he doesn't like them. Man, what do I do with all the cutecumbers I get with my salads now?

                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                        1. here's another one from a boston globe sunday mag's Tales of the City feature:

                                                                                          " My daughter and son-in-law were heading home with their two kids and stopped at the drive-through at Starbucks. They ordered two lattes for themselves, whereupon my 2-year-old grandson yelled out from his car seat in the back, “Window, can I have a grilled cheese?” "
                                                                                          L Terry / Malden

                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                          1. The boyfriend's daughter, when she was three or four, was curled up with him as he read to her. She leaned up and put her face close to his head, and he stopped reading. "Daddy," she said. "Mommy's hair smells like fruit." He smiled and asked what kind. "Good fruit," she said, and then just stared at him for a moment before saying, "Your hair smells like . . . *mushrooms*." The face she made let him know just what she thought of mushrooms. He came home from the visit and quizzed me about how his hair smelled, and changed shampoo.

                                                                                            14 Replies
                                                                                            1. re: onceadaylily

                                                                                              Oadl, 'member that shampoo from the 70's, "Gee, your hair smells terrific?"
                                                                                              Cut to: "Gee, your hair smells like mushrooms."
                                                                                              Hahahahahaha. Kids.

                                                                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                Ha, was that Breck?

                                                                                                I love mushrooms, though. I wonder if I would have gone so head over heels for the guy if he had smelled like strawberries.

                                                                                                1. re: onceadaylily

                                                                                                  Breck? I haven't seen or smelled that for decades!

                                                                                                  But smelling like mushrooms is a bad thing? I think better that than strawberries.

                                                                                                  1. re: gaffk

                                                                                                    Gee Your Hiar Smells Terrific is now sold by the Vermont Country Store...


                                                                                                    They also have Body on Tap and Prell (but no glass bottle) ha ha!!

                                                                                                    1. re: SparkleKristy

                                                                                                      Prell! I always thought Prell looked delicious. It was such a beautiful, silky green.

                                                                                                      1. re: SparkleKristy

                                                                                                        Thanks for the info! I LOVED this shampoo, and I just ordered two bottles. Hope it smells as good as I remember!

                                                                                                        1. re: macca

                                                                                                          @ Oncedaily - Prell WAS beautiful - so viscous. I still can't beleive it was in glass bottles.

                                                                                                          @macca - I only know this becuase I just ordered some too. I can;t wait for it to arrive. I'll be smelling my hair all day!!! ;) I read the reviews and they say that the conditioner is what throws it over the edge for smelling good.

                                                                                                          1. re: SparkleKristy

                                                                                                            should have read the reviews first- guess i will order the conditioner today. thanks! Love the website. lots of great stuff! think i have to take a closer look at the candy!

                                                                                                            1. re: macca

                                                                                                              Vermont Country Store is a great place to find those "do you remember?" products from when you were growing up. :-)

                                                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                One caution - the perfumes aren't accurate reproductions.

                                                                                                                1. re: buttertart

                                                                                                                  Ahhh. Well I usually am only looking for long-ago food items, so won't have to worry about perfume. Can't wear it anymore. :-)

                                                                                                                2. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                  Had never seen the site before- love it! Am definitley using it form more stuff-love the candies they offer.

                                                                                                              2. re: SparkleKristy

                                                                                                                be aware that if you color your hair GYHST may just remove the color you've so carefully had added to it, but yeah, I do love that smell!

                                                                                                  2. when we were kids we had to buy our shoes at a specialty store because sis & i both had problems with our feet. since they also carried orthotics and the like, the store catered to the blue-hair set, and the staff members were much older, conservative, soft-spoken folks.

                                                                                                    we were trying on shoes one day - i was 6 and my sister was 4 - and she asked my mother "When we're done can we go get 'Kenfucky' Fried Chicken?" according to Mom, i rolled my eyes at her, put my hands on my hips and shouted "It's NOT KenFUCKY Fried, it's KenTUCKY Fried!"

                                                                                                    she said she didn't know who was more horrified, her or the little old ladies in the store :)

                                                                                                    16 Replies
                                                                                                      1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                        Wonderful! Made my day, thanks ghg ;)

                                                                                                        1. re: lilgi

                                                                                                          yeah, i never quite lived that one down.

                                                                                                          got another one for you...when i was about 2 1/2 years old, i was in the elevator of our apartment building with my older brother. an older man who lived in the building said hello and asked me my name, and for some insane reason i answered, "Marnie Meatball." and no, my name isn't Marnie! no one can figure out where the heck i came up with it, and to this day everyone in my family calls me either Marn or Meatball...the latter didn't sit so well with me during my 21 years as a vegetarian :)

                                                                                                          1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                            ahaha, you must have gotten that from somewhere (maybe you can't remember?) You must've been a fun kid, hope you didn't get into too much trouble!

                                                                                                            1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                              OT: but I'll try and sneak this in: For years, my daughter Lauren, when asked, told everybody that her name was Christina. Not likely for a Jewish kid, but every now and again somebody would greet her by that name, and I'd be like, "whaaa? whooo?"

                                                                                                              1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                Once I got done laughing, goodhealth, and drying my eys from tears, I shared your story with my husband. Who still has his head down on his desk laughing....thanks!

                                                                                                                1. re: mtngirlnv

                                                                                                                  aw, glad it made you laugh :) my dear departed Dad used to love telling that story to anyone who would listen.

                                                                                                                2. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                  That's so cute. When one of my boys was about 2, the same thing happened. Person asked his name. He replies, "Henry.". Person asks, "Henry what?". "Henry Pickle.". He'll always be my sweet pickle.

                                                                                                                  1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                    i'm more of a sour pickle girl myself, but in this case, sweet is definitely better :)

                                                                                                              2. re: goodhealthgourmet


                                                                                                                and i'm betting she was ALWAYS in trouble! ( :

                                                                                                                1. re: mariacarmen

                                                                                                                  nope! i *did* get into quite a bit of mischief, but i never got caught. in fact, i managed to get through all 17 years under my parents' roof without ever being grounded...and the one time i got busted at school - for smoking on school grounds - i sweet-talked my way out of detention and convinced the Vice Principal not to call my parents.

                                                                                                                  yeah, i was trouble.

                                                                                                                  still am ;)

                                                                                                                  1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                    ok, i guess i meant you were trouble, as opposed to getting IN trouble - you were smart and just never got caught!

                                                                                                                  1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                    OK, I think I love you, ghg! This is just too funny! I just snorted my sip of wine while reading this - SERIOUSLY! (Wine BURNS in the nasal passages!)

                                                                                                                    1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                      yeah, i was a funny kid, but i didn't *mean* to be! i was just a precocious pain in the ass who relished in every opportunity to correct someone when they were wrong...particularly when that someone was my annoying little sister :)

                                                                                                                      sorry about the nose, LW, but glad i made you laugh - i know you could use it.

                                                                                                                    2. When my daughter was younger (she did this until she was at least a teenager) we would tell her to eat her dinner and she would always reply "I'm waiting for it to warm up" instead of saying "I'm waiting for it to cool down", as she didn't want to eat it cold just warm. To this day she is a very literal person, she never minces words even if it comes out wrong.

                                                                                                                      5 Replies
                                                                                                                      1. re: nsstampqueen

                                                                                                                        My 16 yr old son was supposed to practice making a chicken pot pie for a midterm, but he seemed a little perplexed by the chicken poaching step. I dictated and he recorded all the steps (including which pan) to poach and he claimed he was all set to proceed even though I had to go out. When I got home and the pie had seen no action, I asked him what happened. Without turning away from his video game, he began with his defense: "Well, I couldn't find the pot... I couldn't find the water... I couldn't..." "WAIT!" I interrupted. "Did you just say 'you couldn't find the water?'" At that , he knew he was busted...

                                                                                                                        1. re: cookingk

                                                                                                                          Now THAT is funny, but I tell ya, them there video games WILL drain your intellect to the point that finding water is a helluva reach. Don't worry, he'll get over it. : )

                                                                                                                            1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                              OMG, oc, I was going to reference that - today's pot, minus the munchies!
                                                                                                                              I smoked so much weed at one point that reaching for the remote control was a completely ridiculous chore - but I could still clean out the fridge. With my mouth. : )

                                                                                                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                I'm with ya mamachef! We never had much in the way of munchie food in my house. All we ever had an abundance of was condiments. haha... but my friends and I still laugh at the things we'd find to eat and the way we'd try to ghetto-gourmet the most mundane foods... I also went through a hell of a lot of boxes of croutons, since we never had chips.

                                                                                                                      2. When my daughter was four we spent a month in N.Y. city. She wanted to eat a hot dog from a Sabrett cart that she has been seeing on the street. At that point, I had never given her a real hot dog. She had organic sausages (ex. - artichoke hearts and sundried tomatoes with chicken, portabello mushrooms and chicken, etc.) that were not cured. I used to tell her they were hot dogs. I finally broke down and let her have a Sabrett dogs. She tasted the very first bite and declared very loudly, "This is not a hot dog!" I was embarrassed, but it was funny.

                                                                                                                        Between the ages two and four, she always said "Is it fresh?" every time she sat down to eat. She did not like left overs, or instant food.

                                                                                                                        When she was five, she sampled three different caviar. When we asked which one she liked, she said, "I think Beluga is the best. It is buttery! I would like to have a jar of Beluga for my next birthday instead of a birthday cake." We didn't know what to say. She was not given any prior knowledge and we did not influence her before the tasting.

                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                        1. re: chimster

                                                                                                                          I've never been a leftover fan. My mom was a teacher and would precook on the weekend for weekly dinners. I considered it all leftovers. She was a good cook but I really protested the Kraft orange powder mac & cheese etc. There are very few foods I will eat as left overs to this day. Taking my lunch to work with leftovers from the previous night's dinner so very much does not happen. My husband, prior to marriage would make one dish and eat it all week. He is still the leftover eater.

                                                                                                                        2. Not food related ( though he is a chowhound in the making). My neohew ( 6 at the time), had a dr appt. The nurse practitioner asked him if he would be able to "pee in the cup", he said of course, and off to the restroom he went. he came out a few minutes later, and she asked him if he had done it- and he said yes. Then she asked him where it was- he looked at her like she was crazy and said" I dumped it in the toilet and flushed it." she and my sister in law had a good laugh at this!

                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                          1. re: macca

                                                                                                                            On a tangentially related note...

                                                                                                                            My mother likes to tell the story of how when I was about five she had been marinating some chicken in a dish in the refrigerator. After she transferred it into the oven I, unprompted, went up to her and some guests we were having over and said 'Mommy I didn't wee wee on the chicken'.

                                                                                                                            Not wanting to take any chances apparently she ended up ordering pizza that night...

                                                                                                                          2. While driving a carload of kids to school (our own as well as neighbors) I was asked what would be served at supper that night. I explained that I'd be gone all day and would probably just make salad and frozen pizzas. 5 yr old son said "Frozen pizza! Why not cooked?" Everyone cracked up. It was an Amelia Bedelia moment. :)

                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                            1. re: Nicolette S

                                                                                                                              Amelia Bedelia. How had I ever forgotten that literal minder keeper of the home long enough to not pick up those books for my young niece. ;)

                                                                                                                            2. Many years ago, when my husband was away on business for several weeks, I got tired of cooking child friendly foods like macaroni and cheese for my kids. I decided to cook fresh pasta with shrimp, scallops and fresh peas. My 16 month old dumped it on the floor while his more diplomatic four year old brother said, "Mommy this very good but I think it's one of those foods that grownups like waaaaay more than kids."

                                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                                              1. re: ola

                                                                                                                                OK, now THAT is a very smart kid! LOL

                                                                                                                                1. re: ola

                                                                                                                                  thank you ola, i am major laughing!

                                                                                                                                  1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                    Thank YOU opinionated chef for starting this thread. It has become one of my favorites!

                                                                                                                                2. My four year old nephew: "Eeew, this is scotch. You can't fool me."

                                                                                                                                  8 Replies
                                                                                                                                    1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                      Single malt, no less. The kid's a confirmed Cognac lover.

                                                                                                                                      1. re: beevod

                                                                                                                                        Start 'em young, and they'll eat and drink well for life! ;-)

                                                                                                                                    2. re: beevod

                                                                                                                                      LOL! your nephew sounds like me. when my sister and i were about 6 and 8 respectively, she insisted on trying a sip of my dad's beer at the dinner table. needless to say, she wasn't impressed. she spit it out and made a big stink about how awful it was. i looked at her and proclaimed "it's an acquired taste." :)

                                                                                                                                      1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                        ghg, YOU were a kick in the pants! that is too much!!

                                                                                                                                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                          ROFL! Oh, man - I can only imagine you had your parents in stitches most of the time, ghg!

                                                                                                                                          1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                            apparently so :) i'll give you another of Mom's favorites. when i was 4 she had to take me out of nursery school one morning for a doctor's appointment. on the way back she gave me an apple to eat in the car, and when we got to school i was still working on it. she told me to hurry up & finish it so she could take me inside, and i said "please don't rush me. i'm just a little girl with a little mouth and i can't chew any faster."

                                                                                                                                            1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                              ghg, you are just SOMETHING!!! and singlehandedly keeping us all in stitches here,choke choke, permanently grinning!

                                                                                                                                      2. My then-preschooler brought home a "cookbook" his class had compiled, where they drew pictures and dictated their favorite "recipe" to their teacher. Most of the kids had "recipes" for chicken nuggets, mac-and-cheese, pizza, and the like, including instructions like "cook for 1490 minutes," "put it in the oven for like five minutes at one degree," etc.

                                                                                                                                        My son's recipe for Lobster:

                                                                                                                                        Ingredients: Lobster
                                                                                                                                        Directions: Start it as alive and then you cook it and it will be dead. Cook for 20 minutes, I think.

                                                                                                                                        His brother, in 2nd grade, made a Thanksgiving cookbook. They had to include a "recipe" for an app, entree, and dessert. His app (he may be less of a 'hound than his little brother) was for Ritz crackers. Directions: "Put Ritz in a bowl and munch, munch, munch!"

                                                                                                                                        13 Replies
                                                                                                                                        1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                          #1 Son's contribution to his kindergarten cookbook was "How you make bisketti." Make the nudles, make soss. Eat it.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                            My little sister always called it bisketti, and watched heckilopters fly every now and then. And sometimes if we were good, we got Tuck'n Frieds during The Loren Elks Show.

                                                                                                                                            1. re: tracylee

                                                                                                                                              we called it pisketti or geppies. my mother will *still* tell me she's making my father geppies for dinner, which i think is just a wee bit silly at this point :)

                                                                                                                                              your comment about watching the heckilopyters (very cute!) reminded me...during a storm i liked to stand at the window and "watch the thunders."

                                                                                                                                              1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                My 3 year old daughter was over the moon with excitement when the delivery man showed up with her Birthday Baboons. (balloons)

                                                                                                                                          2. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                            Was reminded of another incident this afternoon at the grocery. (I was with my kindergartner, and we stopped at the deli counter for cold cuts. The deli guy offered my son a piece of cheese, which he politely accepted.) A few years back, I had the boys in the cart, and we stopped at the deli counter. The fellow behind offered the boys cheese, and the older one (who was maybe 3) looked at him and said, "I want lobster." Ingrate ;-)

                                                                                                                                            1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                              i love it! that's what you get for raising Chowpups - once you turn them onto the good stuff there's no going back ;)

                                                                                                                                              1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                In some cases! Some flexibility would be nice every once in a while, though.

                                                                                                                                                I always make mac and cheese with sharp white cheddar, but where my parents live, it can be hard to find white cheddar. One son was with me and Nana at the store on a visit there, and we could only find orange cheddar. I explained that it was still cheddar, just a different color, and asked if he would eat it. He (age 3 or 4) graciously said, "Well, *only* because we're in NC, it will be OK."

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                    Where in NC does Nana live? We can get a good variety of Cabot cheeses in many stores here.

                                                                                                                                                    Still, the little one is showing great adaptability. And doesn't he know that *everything* tastes better at Nana's? :-)

                                                                                                                                                    1. re: rockycat

                                                                                                                                                      Not quite enough adaptability for Nana's, which makes this cheese incident so memorable -- Nana is partial to casseroles and stews, and my kids are partial to separating things on the plate. However, Pa's garden is fun, even though we stay away from the beehives. They're in Morganton, in the foothills. You?

                                                                                                                                                      1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                        The Triangle - Raleigh, specifically.

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: rockycat

                                                                                                                                                          Gotta cater to the relocated Yankees ;-) I made a pilgrimage to A Southern Season when I was in that area in the fall.

                                                                                                                                                    2. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                      When we first moved to Indiana from northern New York, so my husband could get 1 more degree that he never used, I worked for Kroger as an in house customer consultant/home economist. I approached a customer in the refrigerated cheese area. he asked me where the cheddar was. I looked around and only saw orange cheese. I told him it wasn't carried.

                                                                                                                                              2. My poor parents..... I was always the klutz, and even in the late '60s, doctors hinted at reporting them for abuse when I managed to hurt myself.

                                                                                                                                                My little sister had Hepatitis, and when she was allowed to go back to nursery school, she told everyone that it was because she drank too much beer. Yeah, we'd get to sample, but I've never liked beer. When I'd make Grasshopper Pie, Mom would hover over me to make sure that every drop went into the pie and not me.

                                                                                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                1. re: tracylee

                                                                                                                                                  One of my friend's sisters was named Ginny. She was trying to get her niece to say her name. "Come on, say Ginny, say Ginny, say Gin!" The baby grinned and said "booze!"

                                                                                                                                                2. When I was little, I was at some family dinner. (I don't remember any of this, but my parents have told me about it since) Someone passed my aunt the broccoli. She was sitting next to me, so she turned to me and said something like "Broccoli is brain food. It makes you smarter." Then she asked me "How much should I take?" I looked at her and said, "All of it!"

                                                                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                  1. We were having a family gathering at "The Christmas Inn" in New Hampshire. There were 12 of us at the dinner table and the harpist was sitting about 5 feet away from us. My then 5 year old son turned to his grandmother, pointed to the harpist and said "do you think she has a penis?" This as the harpist stops playing. I don't think there's been that much laughter in that dining room in decades.

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                                                                                                                                                    1. re: jnk

                                                                                                                                                      haha! kudos to you for teaching him the right word. "wee wee" wouldn't have made for such a hilarious story.

                                                                                                                                                    2. Overheard at a local crabshack this weekend, a kiddo maybe four who took a look at what came to their table, and declared for all to hear, "these thangs got too many laigs. I'm not eating 'em."

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                                                                                                                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                        you are defntly an angel. My husb just came back from erands VERY upset, and that just got him to bust a gut. so thnk you so much.

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                          Oh, more than glad to help. Mr. and I tried to avoid snort-laughing out loud, but it was a lost cause. And the kid stuck to his guns, too: Dad ended up going and bagging some Mickey D's for him (I noticed he doublechecked with the management, and they laughed too.) And when he brought it back, the kid said, "now that's what i like for dinner." (Gaw, hope not too often.)

                                                                                                                                                      2. There was one Thanksgiving where the whole family gathered around. It was the standard Italian-American celebration with all the old aunts and uncles.
                                                                                                                                                        After the bird was brought to the table, my grandmother was about to plate up my very young (6yrs old) sister's dish with turkey.
                                                                                                                                                        My grandmother asks her,"What part of the turkey is your favorite to eat?"
                                                                                                                                                        My sister then yells out at the top of her lungs "I LIKE BLACK MEAT!" LOL
                                                                                                                                                        ...you could hear a pin drop. Of course, she meant dark meat. My grandmother's eyes crossed, she gave the sign of the cross, and then everyone broke into laughter.

                                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Novelli

                                                                                                                                                          Braaaaaaaahahahaha Novelli! That's too funny! Oh, I can see it now....Dear Grandma, crossing herself against it.....
                                                                                                                                                          It's amazing, how wonderful and funny this thread is. What's even more amazing is, I can remember some of the things my kids said like it happened yesterday; but I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday......
                                                                                                                                                          Michael, age 5: "Mamma, I TOLD you I don't like "baggish" (beige) food!"

                                                                                                                                                        2. All of these are so amusing. Thanks to the op for suggesting it, and thanks to all who shared.

                                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                          1. re: sueatmo

                                                                                                                                                            isn't it just the greatest. to have all these laughs?!! makes my day! keep 'em comin' in- and forward the thread to your friends!

                                                                                                                                                          2. My paternal grandmother didn't really like to cook but she would make a respectable basic roast meal. I do remember getting first tastes of several foods there -- a truly chopped salad (tiny chop of a number of veg), bottles of saccharine that was dripped into iced tea....

                                                                                                                                                            But there are 2 new experiences that inspired comments on my return home after my week visit one summer. I told my parents that:
                                                                                                                                                            "Grandma served these horrible orange potatoes." (No, not sweet potatoes, but mashed rutabagas (also known as yellow turnips or wax turnips. Funny thing is that now I love them.)

                                                                                                                                                            "I ate tiny cabbages." (brussel sprouts of course, which I still like.)

                                                                                                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                            1. re: eamcd

                                                                                                                                                              At Christmas dinner this year I made brussel sprouts and my brother in law said he wouldn’t eat them because they were "troll babies." If the comment had not been so hilarious, I might have been a little upset. :)

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: girleatseverything

                                                                                                                                                                Hey, that just means more for you. (Brussel sprouts are a favorite).

                                                                                                                                                                1. re: girleatseverything

                                                                                                                                                                  When my daughter was 5, she indignantly asked me why I had not allowed the baby cabbages to grow to their full size. (She wasn't familiar with brussels sprouts because my husband hates them, and I only cook them when we have guests or when I'm on my own for dinner.)

                                                                                                                                                              2. For family dinner last night I served a lovely roast leg of lamb. I asked my mother to please pass the lamb, and my 3 year old daughter piped up "Where's lamb?"

                                                                                                                                                                My sister pointed out the meat on daughter's plate and told her that was lamb.

                                                                                                                                                                My daughter, indignantly said "That not lamb! That meat! Where's lamb?"

                                                                                                                                                                6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                1. re: tzurriz

                                                                                                                                                                  when my friend's high chair-age son found out that cooked lamb was the same as baby lambies, he refused to eat it. .... for many years.

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: tzurriz

                                                                                                                                                                    My son at age 18 months or so, was pointing to various items on his high chair tray to get the words that went with those items. He'd point and look at me, and I'd label it. "Milk." "French fries." "Ketchup." "Chicken." He looked back at the nuggets, then looked at me, and said, "Buck buck?" I agreed, hoping I wasn't going to shut down one of the few foods he ate at that point. He looked back at the plate and kept on eating.

                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                      you mean he thought they were Cadbury eggs?

                                                                                                                                                                      (forever that mental image of that big brown rabbit saying buck-buck-buck)

                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                                        Loved that commercial.

                                                                                                                                                                        Buck buck = chicken like Moo = cow, that's all ;-) (And I don't share my Cadbury.)

                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                          No, I knew what you meant...it was the buck-buck that triggered the Cadbury comment, that's all.

                                                                                                                                                                          I'll never forget the look on mine's face when we were in the meat department of the supermarket, and all of a sudden he connected the dots between what he was seeing in the package and a real.live.animal.

                                                                                                                                                                          Of course, now he's used to seeing whole animals hanging in the market, and rabbits and poultry sold with the head and feet still attached to their owner, so he's pretty nonplussed about it at this point.

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                                            I remember my daughter at age 3 eating in McDonalds and suddenly asking if thet got their hamburger meat from the cows on Old McDonald's Farm. She called the restaurant Old McDonald's for years.

                                                                                                                                                                  2. My sweet-hearted 26 yr old brother (who's a kid at heart) was helping me put together a huge batch of chocolate chip cookies the other night and asked, "Did you add the vanilla abstract?"

                                                                                                                                                                    Covered with flour and butter, exhausted and sweaty from cookie labor, that moment will always be one of the best and dearest ones for me.

                                                                                                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                      1. as a kid, we used to go to this very Americanized Chinese restaurant a couple times a month. You all know the place, the name is something golden, blah, blah, dynasty. Anyways, one time we go in and they show us to our red vinyl(natch)booth and on the table, for some inexplicable reason is a small dish of prepared Chinese mustard. Now, me being(and still am. I should show you my condiment collection sometime!)an absolute mustard fiend at the ripe age of 4, got real wide eyed at this. Before anyone realized what I was doing, I had grabed a spoon and taken a mighty bite! Upon entering the 5th circle of hell about 2sec. later, I threw the spoon at the approaching waiter and screamed at the absolute tippy top of my lungs, "I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A BAD MAN!!!!WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" and proceeded to wail all the way out of the restaurant!

                                                                                                                                                                        8 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: nkeane

                                                                                                                                                                          I love how you blamed the waiter - they always seem to get the short end of the customer's wrath, don't they? Even better that you're *still* a mustard fiend after that experience. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                                                            I would certainly excuse it if a four-year-old blamed the waiter after an experience like this.

                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Tripeler

                                                                                                                                                                              I was teasing nkeane. Of course I would excuse a 4yo child for saying this.

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                                                                Of course. After I posted this I realized that I could not read your real intent.
                                                                                                                                                                                Still, it is a very funny story.
                                                                                                                                                                                And this has become one of my favorite threads.
                                                                                                                                                                                Have a great day, Linda.

                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: nkeane

                                                                                                                                                                            I'm the oldest grandchild, so I had several baby cousins when I was a teenager. I remember being at a suburban Chinese restaurant with my aunt, uncle, and their 3 kids. The youngest was in a high chair -- probably 2-3. He saw the mustard on the table and picked it up. His parents told him not to try it. His eye glinted. They told him that he really wouldn't like it, that it was hot, etc. But knowing their son, they didn't try to wrestle it out of his hand (or it would have gone flying) -- he was about 2 after all.

                                                                                                                                                                            But in went the fried noodle and pop into the mouth. The look on his face was priceless. It was a family story told for years. (As I recall they had his juice and duck sauce at hand to quench it.)

                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: eamcd

                                                                                                                                                                              Similar story when my child was a baby. We were in a Chinatown dim sum restaurant with a large group of friends from around the country and a few visiting from overseas. While waiting for the carts to come around I had the baby in my lap. She reached for a dish of hot sauce sitting next to me and started to dip her fingers in it and bring them to her mouth. The young British man sitting next to me called my attention to her actions, all the while seeming quite appalled at the incipient "disaster."

                                                                                                                                                                              He was surprised at my reaction - "Don't worry. If she doesn't like it she won't do that again." To this day, I have a confirmed chilihead. And we got another dish of hot sauce for the table.

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                  Oh, no. The little one was maybe a bit surprised and didn't go back for seconds, IIRC, but didn't seem unhappy at all.

                                                                                                                                                                          3. I was walking to the train one day last week and overheard one 15 or so year old boy say to his pal upon emerging from Dunkin' D: "I love coffee but it's so frickin' bad for you. It's like God's beer or somethin'".
                                                                                                                                                                            When I first learned to read, I was very indignant that the word restaurant was pronounced the way it was, I insisted it should be restauranit (because of the n). I was of course completely convinced I was right and my mom and the rest of the world were wrong. Restauranit were they in family jokes until the end.

                                                                                                                                                                            1. My now 7 year old daughter doesn't like a lot of classic kid favorites. Won't touch hamburgers, french fries, nuggets. She hated all pizza until I built a wood-fired pizza oven in our backyard; now she loves our pizza, but still doesn't like it anywhere else.

                                                                                                                                                                              When she was five, she was invited to a birthday party at a place that teaches cooking classes to children. She corrected the instructor's flour measuring technique (that's what you get for having a pastry chef grandma), and informed them that further, they should really be measuring the ingredients for the dough by weight. She turned her nose up at the dried herbs and asked if perhaps they had any fresh basil (nope), olive oil (nope), asked for fresh mozzarella instead of shredded (nope). "Parmesan?" she asked in desperation (nope). While the other little kids were dutifully rolling out their dough, she was showing off her dough tossing skills and explaining to the closest kids how to stretch the dough over the knuckles, like she was. When, at the end of the class, the instructor asked all the kids how the pizza tasted, and they all cheered and gave thumbs up, my daughter looked around, and gave the food two thumbs down.

                                                                                                                                                                              I've never been so simultaneously proud and embarrassed.

                                                                                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: modthyrth

                                                                                                                                                                                I used to teach for a franchise of that company, I believe.

                                                                                                                                                                                The method for measuring flour drove me completely barking insane -- they scoop and level, rather than sprinkle or weigh. But I quickly found out that the recipes don't come out right if you don't measure THEIR WAY....so I sucked it up and did it THEIR WAY when I was there...and MY WAY when I wasn't.

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: modthyrth

                                                                                                                                                                                    My sister tried to correct the teacher when she instructed the home ec class to add the sugar to the whites before whipping. The teacher insisted she was right, but Donna did it as our mother always did and hers were twice as high as all the rest. I don't think the teacher ever forgave her.

                                                                                                                                                                                  2. I was reminded of this story today. I asked my then-3yo one day while I was cooking dinner if he liked couscous. He paused a moment, then thoughtfully said, "I like Dora."

                                                                                                                                                                                    (For those who haven't had toddlers anytime in the last 15 years, couscous apparently = Blue's Clues; Dora = Dora the Explorer.)

                                                                                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                    1. My husband took our two sons, then three and six, to Barbara's Crab Shack in Princeton-by-the-Sea for lunch. Dad let the six year old order by himself for the first time. He was very excited and when he ordered the calamari, he said in a classic stage whisper "I sure hope it has lots of testicles."

                                                                                                                                                                                      3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: ola

                                                                                                                                                                                        ROFLMAO! OMG, I think I would have peed my pants right there!

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                                                                                                                          I think I just did, Linda.
                                                                                                                                                                                          This is so one of my alltime favorite threads.

                                                                                                                                                                                        2. My 6 year old boy has been on a sushi kick lately and has embraced everything Japanese. I thought it would be fun to take him to a Japanese place with a sushi train - plenty of stuff for a curious 6 year old to see, smell and taste. I explained the idea to him and asked if he would like to go. He contemplated it for a moment and exclaimed brightly "I've never driven a sushi train before!"

                                                                                                                                                                                          1. Driving cross country from California when our son was 9, we stopped for dinner at a "family" restaurant in a very small town on the Great Plains. After dinner he asked the waitress if they had mousse (he adored chocolate mousse). She thought he meant moose.

                                                                                                                                                                                            13 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Emmalou

                                                                                                                                                                                              When my sister was about 7 years old, we went out for dinner and were exceptionally good all day long, so were allowed to order dessert. The waitress listed off everything on the dessert menu, and my sister got all excited about the chocolate mousse. She ordered it, and then asked my mom is she thought it would still have antlers. Well, the waitress must have overheard because when the mousse arrived, it had two cinnamon sticks sticking out of it like antlers!

                                                                                                                                                                                              Now as an adult, whenever we serve chocolate mousse in my family, we add cinnamon stick antlers.

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: tzurriz


                                                                                                                                                                                                When my nephew was 3 or 4, I asked if he would like some chocolate mousse and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Then his big brother explained it was just "fancy chocolate pudding." I wish I had thought of the cinnamon sticks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: tzurriz

                                                                                                                                                                                                  this part of the thread just sent me reeling back to my childhood..."A Chocolate Moose for Dinner" was one of my favorite books when i was little :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                    pretend this is a kids' story. it is, in a way. We were in paris long long ago with parisian friends, and the choc mousse dessert was served family style, from a huge glass bowl that made its way around the dining room. When it came round to us, we were compelled to tell our non-english speaking friends about the moose thing. Though i speak fluent french, i did not know how to say moose in french ( there are no moose in france)....... so i drew a characature(sp.) . Our friends' eyes lit up as they exclaimed, "Ah! BULL wink ELLLLLL!

                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                        3/4 of the way down this thread and this is the one that gets me snorting.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: Emmalou

                                                                                                                                                                                                    i took my friend's daughter out to dinner a couple of weeks ago... she's 4, very bright, and practicing her reading skills. she wanted to order for both of us, to show off her magic. no problem by me. the waiter was very very good about the whole thing, as we both tried to stop ourselves from bursting into hysterics. my salad and ahi (ah-hi) went over pretty smoothly. then she got to hers: "um i would like to have the tomato sauce please. only i think i should have spaghetti..." the waiter looked confused for a moment. she took it down to a hushed whisper, "i don't think it's appropriate for me to be eating 'pee-nee.'" the waiter very nicely gave her the correct pronunciation. she followed it up, "even if that's how you say it in Italian, i don't think it's appropriate." i leaned in and told her it was a kind of pasta. she wrinkled her nose, shrugged her shoulders and said ok.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    dessert... oy. i wasn't having any. waiter comes and asks her what she would like. "i'll have the chocolate mouse." he sweetly says it's actually mousse. a look of horror comes over her face. "oh never mind. i wasn't sure if i was okay with the mouse, but since it was chocolate... i definitely know i'm not okay with moose." the waiter and i all but lost it.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    good times.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Emme

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I *LOVE* that she was OK with it being a chocolate mouse, but NOT with a chocolate moose. And I love that the waiter was very good-natured about the whole thing. It probably made his day. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Emme

                                                                                                                                                                                                        LOVE the pee-nee bit :) and Fred Gwynne's "A Chocolate Moose for Dinner" was one of my favorite childhood books.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                                                                                                                                                                                          i'm so buying her that book! thanks for the reminder!

                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: Emme

                                                                                                                                                                                                          That is hilarious, particularly the mouse and moose part!

                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Emme

                                                                                                                                                                                                            emme, terrific! so you might appreciate this scene: 30 yrs ago I visited Paris, and while dining out w/ a Parisian friend, our meal ended with a family style chocolate mousse- an enormous punch bowl of chocolate mousse that was passed around the room and people helped themselves. I was trying to explain to my non-english speaking friend why Americans find the word 'mousse' funny, and what a (moose)is in America. I realized that there are no moose in Europe, so i drew a picture. As I completed it, he broke into a big smile of recognition and exclaimed with great excitement, " Yes, Yes! BULL win-kel "!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                              American cartoons. Gotta love 'em. :-D

                                                                                                                                                                                                        3. What great stories on this thread!! My .02:

                                                                                                                                                                                                          My mom told me that when I was maybe 3 or 4, at a family dinner, we had corn (kernels in a bowl). I had apparently only had had corn on the cob before. So I naturally asked, loudly, "hey! Who took the corn off the stick??"

                                                                                                                                                                                                          At a family brunch 30 years later, I was making a plate for my own daughter (she was about 3 or 4). We had a whole assortment of bagels, lox, cream cheese, etc. I asked her which bagel she wanted. She replied, "the BIG one!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                          And the pies de resistance (sp): Same daughter, roughly same age, went to her babysitter's wedding in a church (we are Jewish). First time at a Mass. Now I forget what its called, but everyone was lined up to accept the body of Christ... the wafer? You know. Anyway, my daughter pulled on her Mom's arm, and wanted to go get in line. Mom told her that we don't do that, because we're Jewish. So in her best stage whisper, my daughter semi-yells "Oh! I see! So we don't get to eat because we're Jewish???!!!" That was fun...

                                                                                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: woodburner

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha! She said it like a true member of the Tribe!!
                                                                                                                                                                                                            That is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: woodburner

                                                                                                                                                                                                              As a Catholic, I would have told her she wasn't missing much . . .challah is much tastier.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. I love love love this thread.
                                                                                                                                                                                                              My contribution is not exactly a "said," but...
                                                                                                                                                                                                              My family was out to dinner at a nice restaurant with a bowl of after-dinner mints sitting on the hostess stand. My 6 year old brother started grabbing handfulls and shoving them in his mouth. My mother, mortified, hissed "Daniel! Use the spoon!" referring to the serving spoon in the bowl. Well, my brother shrugged his shoulders, grabbed the spoon and immediately spooned a nice serving directly into his mouth.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              17 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: hyacinthgirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                When I was about 5 I refused to eat something on my dinner plate (probably peas, my refusal to eat something at that age usually involved peas). My mother gave me the classic "there are children starving in Africa speech" and my reply?... "well why don't you send it to them?".
                                                                                                                                                                                                                I have since overcome my pea aversion.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: CynAmyn

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  oooh oooh, apologies in advance for the gross-out factor here, but this reminded me of my little sister's "pea story." Our stepfather told us we were not allowed to get up from the table with food left on our plates (don't get me started) unless we 1) passed out 2) threw up or 3) died. (Again, don't get me started). My sister, about 4 at the time, HATED peas. She choked them down by swallowing them whole, like pills. She asked to be excused from the table, but Dad looked at her plate with everything but about 1/2 her serving of peas gone from it and said, "You know the rules, you can't leave the table." She looked at him and without a word, threw up her peas neatly back onto her plate (that takes skill, I tell you, it was JUST the peas, and she didn't get kid barf anywhere else). Stunned silence all around. She was allowed to clear her plate and leave the table.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: CapreseStacy

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    WOW, that is impressive - the way she could single out the peas AND land them on the plate, avoiding the usual trajectory and splatter patterns. What is more familiar is the way a young child can throw up and then stand up to play three seconds later. Funny story.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: peppermint pate

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That's great!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I did a similar thing when i was a kid. For me, the grossest thing in the world was milk. My parents always tried to make me drink a glass of milk with dinner and it was a battle ever time. I'd gag and cry and put all my theatrics into it. The one day as I was trying to get it down I threw it up all over the table. And that was the last time they ever tried to get me to drink milk! (And I never have since.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: MichelleRenee

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Related to both peas and gagging -

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        My then-2 1/2 year old was balking at her first try of split pea soup. That was odd, because she's the one who'll eat anything, and the spicier the better. I mean, this is the kid who ate a full adult serving of jambalaya at just under a year old. Well, I told all the children they would get a treat if they ate a certain amount of their soup (which was more for the older one, who has almost has to be bribed to eat at all), but there was no penalty for not eating. Strangely, the older child ate hers up, and the younger one had to really choke it down. The last bite was the best - as she put it in her mouth and tried to swallow it, she started gagging. I told her, "No, no you don't have to eat it if you don't want to!" but she soldiered on and swallowed it down like a champ. Then asked for her treat. She earned it!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: MichelleRenee

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I did the same with shrimp creole.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I also didn't like milk and I managed to carefully pour it down the drain for weeks. Well I got sick and taken to Sick Kids'. The doctor said I was severely dehydrated ( I had 4 IVs in my arm for a week) That's not possible!I give her a large glass ofmilk with every meal!" screamed my mom. I was soooooooooo busted.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      It took me the longest to understand what that had to do with me not liking peas.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. re: hyacinthgirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That reminds me of the time I was at my uncle's house, and my cousin was young enough to still be in a high chair, but old enough to be a smart aleck. He was leaning over and eating his food out of his bowl without using fingers or spoon. His mom said, "No no, little doggies eat like that. Little boys use a spoon." He picked up his spoon and put it on the tray next to the bowl, put a piece of food on the spoon, and bent over and ate the bite out of the spoon.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      This was the same cousin who figured out that he didn't get a cookie every time he asked for one. (Mid-afternoon, he might get more than one; right before dinner, no chance.) As a toddler, he asked for a cookie once right before dinner, and his mom said "no," as she was busy making dinner. She saw him a minute later with a cookie. She asked, "Where did you get that?" He led her to his hidden stash. Turns out he would ask for a cookie and hide it, then ask for another one. He had cookies hidden on window sills behind curtains, inside toys, inside the cabinet door of the coffee table...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        why do I figure that they were finding cookies for *years*?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: sunshine842

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Only until they moved out of that apartment ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          That is one smart cookie, your cousin! LOL

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Reminds me of the story my father tells of what I did when I was about 4. He and I were playing in the family room. He asked me to go get us some cookies from my mom. He said "ask Mommy for one for you and two for me". Smart cookie that I was, I went to the kitchen and asked for "two for me and three for Daddy"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              thank you for some REALLY NEEDED big laughs!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: momjamin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                One night we were missing the butter dish while setting the table. I asked everyone if they had seen it, including my 4 yr old. "No, but last night I saw a man steal it and take it up to my room. I'll go check and see if he left the dish" and away he ran.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: dianne0712


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And I'm SURE the man ate every last smear of butter....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: hyacinthgirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Well, my brother shrugged his shoulders, grabbed the spoon and immediately spooned a nice serving directly into his mouth.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                LOL!!!! this one cracked me up. you really can't blame kids for following the literal meaning of our instructions :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              3. For years when we were little, my father never said "casting aspersions," it was always "casting aspergrass." Aspergrass was his goofy word for asparagus. In high school, I was giving an answer and made the self-correction: I described a character as "casting asparagus" on another. There was a pause before my teacher and a couple students with good vocabularies burst into laughter.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                When my sister was about 6, my family had a huge spaghetti dinner with extended family and my dad took her to the package store. As there were about 12 adults coming, he pondered the wines before selecting several. He turned around to look for more, and turned back to see her putting them away. He stopped her, and she said "But it's too much!" He tried to explain that we needed lots because there were a lot of grown-ups coming, but she proceeded to SHOUT "I don't want to be in a room with a bunch of drunk adults!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Basiorana

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  ROFLMAO! OMG, that is TOO funny, Basiorana! You can't say the little ones don't notice things! LOL

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Basiorana

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. Did your dad know mine? He was an aspergrass-sayer too. Among many other choice things, most gleaned from his (Canadian) Army days.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. That is just the best, absolutely.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: buttertart

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      In my house it was mom--she called it sparrow grass. (And insisted that was how Thomas Jefferson pronounced it?)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. In the Boston area, there is a restaurant review business called The Phantom Gourmet. They have TV and radio shows, and stage several food-sampling festivals every year. Restaurants they approve of can display a small poster to that effect.....although PG doesn't get much respect from local foodies or other critics. Suspicions of payola are common.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Several years ago, after working overtime in terrible weather, I decided to stop for a solo dinner on the way home. I was the only customer until a young couple with a little boy - perhaps 3 or 4 yrs old - arrived. They were seated near the PG poster, whose stylized purple-caped phantom caricature caught the child's eye. First he asked who it was, then wanted to know what the Phantom's super powers were, if he's a hero or villain, etc. The parents patiently fielded the questions and explained that the Phantom writes about restaurant food. Next the boy wanted to know the Phantom's real identity. I could see that the parents were beginning to fade under the continuing barrage of questions. At this point I had paid and was about to leave. As I passed their table, I said that no one knows who the Phantom is. It could be anyone, man or woman. The boy's eyes opened wide as he whispered to his father, "Daddy, I think SHE'S the Phantom!".

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: greygarious

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      LOL -- the kid hadn't heard the radio voice, or he'd have a whole nother set of questions ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. I think I was about 8 or so. I was asked to offer the prayer of thanks at our Thanksgiving table. With a dining room full of relatives and friends, I dutifully thanked God for the food we were about to eat, for the hands who worked to prepare it for us, and for being able to gather with loved ones for the meal. The part I will never live down is when I added, at the end, "... and Dear Lord, please make it taste good. Amen."

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: CapreseStacy

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        These are too amusing!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        When my sister and I were little, going out to eat was a rare and special occasion. When my parents asked where we wanted to go, she would always answer, "Jiffy Lube!" We were never sure where she got the idea that Jiffy Lube sold food.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        When I was growing up I used to like putting on different kinds of performances for my parents. So, this one time, I created a little hand gesture thingy to go along with the Army Reserves theme song. You know, the one that goes "BE. All that you can BE. In the Army. Reserves." Well, I was a always a bit of an air-headed kid, and instead of saying Army Reserves, I said Army "Preserves", and had a little hand gesture to symbolize the jar of preserves I was pretending to hold. My mom cracked up and made me perform that again for my Dad's entertainment. They did let me in on my little mistake, but not until everyone got a good laugh out of it!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Another one about my sister. Not as funny, but just cute. We went to stay at a really nice hotel in Boston when I was probably around 7 years old. My sister was 4. We went tromping around looking at all the sites, and when my sister got tired, she'd start begging to go back to Boston. My parents kept saying to her, "We're in Boston." Until they finally figured out that she meant the hotel... One of the treats my parents allowed us was to order whatever we wanted from room service. I got shrimp cocktail, which, at the time, I thought was the fanciest, most exotic food on the planet. All my sister wanted was a PB&J sandwich. The hotel was very fancy and didn't have the ingredients to make it for her, but my parents couldn't convince her to order anything else, so the staff went to the store to buy the ingredients to accommodate her.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: MichelleRenee

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Now THAT'S a properly run hotel. How fun.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: MichelleRenee

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            THANK YOU!!! i will never again pass a jiffy lube w/o a good loud cackle!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Lol! Happy to share the amusement! It's been well over 20 years and I still crack a smile when passing a Jiffy Lube. Next time I get my oil changed I'm gonna order one oil change and a turkey sandwich... just to see the look on their face.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. It's out of print now, but you MUST get a copy of Jane Martel's "Smashed Potatoes: a kid's-eye-view of the kitchen. Here's a recipe:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Some chops that are enough to fill your pan
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          fresh salt and pepper
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          fresh flour
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1 ball of salad lettuce
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1 spongecake with ice cream

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Put the chops in the bag and shake them for 5 hours - and the flour too. Put them in a skillet pan on the biggest black circle on the roof of your stove. Cook them for plenty of time.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Fringe up the lettuce in little heaps all over the bowls.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Go on the porch and bring the high chair and have your supper everybody!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Note: But stoves is really dangerous - and you shouldn't go near one till you get married.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Michelly

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Beautiful! This was done when my children had just started elementary school. The children were told to bring in an easy-ish recipe to cook at school and the recipe, but the recipe had to be rewritten in class (so no help from mom or dad) AFTER the demonstration at school. The booklet that the teacher compiled for the parents is hysterical! Such a treasure for a parent to have.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. Here's the latest great one from our local paper :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            from the boston globe(Tales from the City) sunday 5/15 /11:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "My parents and I were baby-sitting my sister’s children. As we sat down to lunch, my 4-year-old niece asked for a glass of milk. “What do you say?” my mother replied. “You gotta say the P-word,” her 7-year-old brother chimed in. “Please,” she said, and got her glass of milk. Her big brother continued, “Now you gotta say the F-word.” There was silence as my parents and I exchanged startled looks and my niece looked puzzled. “Fank you!” my nephew finished.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            -Joan O’Brien / Amherst, New Hampshire

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              When my son was a toddler, I handed him a glass of milk and, fishing for a "thank you," asked, "What do you say?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              He replied, with his most charming smile, "Hello, milkie."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. When my niece was in third grade they were getting a lesson on home safety. When the teacher asked, "What does it mean when the smoke detector goes off?" Caitlin raised her hand and announced in a matter-of-fact voice, "It means supper is almost ready."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: al b. darned

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                thank you al b.! that's terrific. after reading the responses to my query about CH allowing sexually based language- on the Site board, i needed that laugh.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: al b. darned

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  an old friend of mine from HS told me that one of her kids said the same thing :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. Just remembered when #2 son was a fast-talking toddler, maybe 3. Lunch was chopped tofu dogs and baked beans which I'd made in the crock and not tried yet. He dipped his spoon in and took a bite, and he said, "my beans is hard." As I said, he was a fast talker, and if you say this a few times fast to yourself, you'll get why my jaw dropped and my eyes were the size of dinner plates.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: buttertart

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Even funnier, that incident, which he does remember, paved the way for "The Talk" about 7 years later.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. My nephew Byron was in the 2nd grade and was given a paper that said on the top "My Mother cooks____________" . All the kids in the class wrote what their favorite dish was that their mother made. Byron wrote " My Mother cooks ...The best that she can" My sister was mortified.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Even funnier he was right.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. We visited relatives, and my aunt asked my son (age 5) if he'd like biscuits. Well, yes, of course. He loves biscuits.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Out come the biscuits.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Son: "Hey, these aren't biscuits."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Me: (quietly) "Yes they are honey."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Son: "No way."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Me: (again quietly) "Yes. They're from a can."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Son: (quite puzzled) "Biscuits don't come in cans."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      He was used to my scratch biscuits. He ate the canned ones, but I don't think he ever bought the idea that those were biscuits.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: CyndiA

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Good for you! I asked my mom when I was little where the pea-can-trees grew. I didn't know they came from pods. And I grew up in SoCal. It's unfortunate.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. My dd is still only 2 but I guess the cutest thing is when she asks for certain foods like dim sum or salmon sashimi. She also likes Indian and Thai food but if she doesn't like something, regardless of how hot it is, she'll say "It's too spicy."

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: fara

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          We had that problem for the longest time. I eventually figured out that, in our case, "too spicy" really meant "I don't like black pepper and I can taste it in this dish." She still doesn't like black pepper at all, even through she can tear through traditional Sichuan foods with no problem at all.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. My 3 year old daughter saw me cutting up a whole chicken. She pointed out a part and asked, "What's that?" I told her the wing and she looked puzzled. I said,"You know, like flap your wings." She looked down horrified and said ,"This is a BIRD?" Also my son used to call deviled eggs "Dead old eggs". He thought that's what everyone was saying.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: shecrab

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            My nephew (now in his twenties) called them "doubled eggs"--the name has stuck and that's what they've been called in my family for two decades.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: gaffk

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              similarly, they're "spoiled eggs" at our family get togethers.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. I've posted this before, but not on this thread. When my son was around six we went to a tourist-trap "Western town" in north Scottsdale that had a restaurant, and one of the menu choices was a deep-fried rattlesnake meat appetizer. Not too shabby, but a little bland (probably too delicate for deep-frying). Anyway, he was relating the story to my sister (not what you would call a gourmet/foodie/chowhound/cook), and when she asked him what it tasted like, thinking of course he would say "chicken", he replied "Calamari". I was so proud.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. When I was younger I was playing soccer for the first time (around kindergarten or so) and I remember the coaches saying "it was time for subs"....I totally thought we were getting sandwiches and not substituting players...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. When my daughter was 3, she thought McD's was the end-all-be-all of fine dinning. One day in the middle of the week we were driving down the street and she aked, "Daddy, can we go to McDonald's?" I told her "Baby you have to wait until daddy get's paid on Friday, I don't have any money until then." at which she looked right at me and said, "You need to go to the store and buy some money!" I had to pull over, i was laughing so hard.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. I've always loved Nigella Lawson's anecdote about how her son Bruno gave her a much-needed reality check before a party once. She asked him "Is there anything in the world more beautiful than a table full of food?" to which he replied "Yes, a table full of people".

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. (Here in Boston, we have a famous local seafood restnt chain- Legal Seafoods)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    this was in the Globe Tales from the City 11/20/11. I just had to add it here:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Fishy Logic

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    My son was in kindergarten when we moved to this area from the Midwest. While dining in Legal Sea Foods for the first time, he asked, “What happens to people who eat at illegal seafood restaurants?”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Kathy Linke / Sudbury"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: opinionatedchef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      which spawn a discussion about what the word "puking" means.....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. We took the in-laws out to eat at a Japanese restaurant where you sit on the floor. My then 4-yr-old dauughter was fascinated by the hostess, who was in full kimono and headress. When she brought a special (large) pillow for my daughter to sit on, she seated herself, then turned to the hostess and said "Thank you, little girl!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. This is from a movie, but funny nonetheless!:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        In the first extended scene in The Man Who Knew Too Much, vacationing Jimmy Stewart ,wife and young son meet and speak with a Frenchman visiting Morocco. The intrigued little boy asks Antoine if he eats snails and the surprised man replies "Why yes!Whenever I am lucky enough to get them." The boy says, "Well you should come to OUR house;we have plenty of them in our garden. Dad's tried everything to get rid of them.... but we never thought of trying a Frenchman!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. this was only actually said in a movie, but i just couldn't resist posting it on my own thread!:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Hi! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Are they made from real Girl Scouts?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          from the first addams family film.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. At Christmas dinner I asked my 5 year old nephew if he wanted a glass of milk. He replied " no thank you, I only drink my mother's milk". After a shocked silence, my sister-in- law explained that the kids had noticed that milk tasted different at other people's homes ( we drink skim) and they only liked the 2% milk at their home.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: lunchslut

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I can only imagine how LOUD that stunned silence was! LOL

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: lunchslut

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                my friend has a 5 year old son, and he had a friend over. her son wanted a glass of milk, and she offered the other little boy one. he said, "sure, but make mine African-American." ...it was African-American History month, and the school was doing some special lessons, particularly on ethnicity, and identifying heritage with respect, and tolerance...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. A high school classmate posted this one on Facebook last night. She and her husband were coaxing their almost 3 year old son to eat roasted squash. He's had it before, and liked it then, but wasn't enjoying it this time around. Dad says "Try it, it's good, and tastes sweet." Toddler replies "It tastes like horrible candy."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. I was having salad the other evening and my 2 year old told me to, "eat all your leafs, mommy." I tout that was cute. This isn't quite relevant to the question, but I was just thinking about the time about a year ago when I was making chicken legs for supper. Sweet baby girl was in the living room playing with her brothers, or so I thought. It seemed to me at the time that I should have more legs, but maybe not? Anyway, in the oven they go. I go in the living room to check on the kids and the sweet baby girl is gnawing on a raw chicken leg like some kind of savage beast. I can only guess she snuck in while my back was turned washing my hands. Bleck!

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    we don't have kids but have a new kitten and i have been repeatedly saying to My Love that this boy is just like a 2 year old. Now i KNOW it's true!! this is just hysterical!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      reminds me of my ex-stepbrother... he was about 6 or 7 at the time. we went out for mongolian bbq. at lunch they bring you a bowl of your protein. they put down his raw chicken shards. my ex-stepdad turns to the waitress to ask for something, and when he turns back, the kid is munching on raw chicken like beef jerky. my ex-SD, ever the over-reactor, smacks the kid on the back of the head yelling, "spit that out! spit it out! what the hell is wrong with you?" i often wonder what happened to his kids...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. I cooked a very flavoursome dish of chicken with stirfried vegetables and pasta, coated in a sauce of soy, worcestershire, honey and balsamic. Everyone was very appreciative except my 11 year old who, I noticed, was eating very slowly and with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. When I asked him what the matter was, he said 'Well, it's this sauce..... I just don't know why anyone would want to make it' which did a good job of puncturing my culinary pride!

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: flashria

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Awww, flashria - he'll get there, I'm sure! He's 11yo. A lot of kids that age don't like strong flavors. Give it time. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. So my sister has me, Mrs. Sippi, my other sister, husband and kids over for dinner. She made a really good roast beef with all the fixin's.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Anyway, sister #2 is trying to get her son to eat the roast beef and finally, in frustration he yells, "No mommy it tastes like poo!!"


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. According to my mother, when i was very young,in the early 60's, my Aunt was babysitting me and offered me some tomato soup. I said sure, and my Aunt opened up a can of Campbells when i exclaimed, "where are the tomatoes"?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          My aunt got a tomato out and cut it up into the soup, and i proceeded to eat it. Afterwords she told my mother something about me liking tomatoes in my tomato soup. My mother then told her, "I don't think he's ever had any kind of tomato soup before".

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: TroyTempest

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            well, speaking of tomato soup---
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I have cooked a family meal for my family of 4 at least 6 nights a week for, well, forever. Lots of whole grains, vegetables, a variety of cuisines, (nearly) everything from scratch, you get the picture. So in second grade my daughter's class was doing some sort of "family" unit, where they talk about their parents, siblings, etc. She wrote "My mom is a good cook. The things I like best that she cooks are tomato soup and hot dogs". And yes, in our house, I will admit, the tomato soup was the *one* thing that comes from a Campbells can. On the other hand she said "My dad likes to take vacations" !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: TroyTempest

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              reminds me of the time i was watching my friend's kid, who was 4 at the time. her mom warned me about how picky she is, and the name of something can turn her off. i rolled my eyes of course. i asked her what she felt like for dinner. she said ketchup (remember the kid in Big Daddy? yeah, that one.) I thought for a second, and said, "How about ketchup puddles with river-rafts?" She got excited and agreed. So I made tomato soup (from scratch, no judgments of others with cans, just part of the story here) and grilled cheese that i cut into crouton sized rafts. She was stoked, and even had more ketchup puddle.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Anyway, she goes home, and the next day, she tells her mom she wants ketchup puddles for dinner... like at my house. Mom calls me saying what the heck, I thought she ate tomato soup. I explain, and we hang up. Ten minutes later, the phone rings. I pick it up and here yelling and crying... Mom proceeds to tell me that Little One has informed her that ketchup doesn't come from a can, and that she can't just make grilled cheese, cut it up and call them rafts. i'm trying not to laugh... Suddenly, Little One comes on the phone and sniffling says, "You need to tell Mommy how to make real puddles and rafts. And if she can't, can I come live with you?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              She's eight now. She comes over for tomato soup and grilled cheese croutons. She will not, however, eat tomato soup from a can.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Emme

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Ha! That's great. It's a hard position to be in when your friends' kids like your cooking better than that of their parents.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: TroyTempest

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I still remember the one time I had to feed my best friends kids. She had told me to just make KD because they always liked that. Not wanting to risk it I went out and bought a box. When I gave it to them they took a few bites but really just pushed it around.Iwas worried that I'd misunderstood so I said "What's wrong? Your mom says you love Kraft dinner!"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The youngest answered me "yes, but when she makes it it's good!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. This may be a "kids DO the darndest things", but I think it'll fit in. When I was a single parent, I took my kids camping. This wasn't my first rodeo, so setting up camp was not a problem. The tent went up and got secured; sleeping bags and duffels unrolled, unpacked and organized. My coolers and kitchen supplies, likewise. All went well until it was time to start the fire, because the wood they were selling was a bit damp. Getting it to catch was a sweaty and angry proposition, but finally after about an hour and a lot of swearing, it caught, and my plan was to make pan-grilled steaks, ash-baked potatoes, and (yep, pre-bagged and dipped in freshener) salad. Fine. Dinner was delicious, and my game plan was to bank the fire down and of course, use it the next day. I still had some dishes to do, though; so I sent my oldest son up to the spigot with a large pot of water that I planned to boil for said dishes. (Melamine. Never, ever again.) He came staggering back under the weight of all that water. There was a grill over the flames, and I pointed to it and said, "Put that on the fire, please."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              You guessed it.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: mamachef

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Smoky the Bear would be SO proud :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. My 2 year old always introduces me with, "This is my friend, Mommy. She makes supper". And I don't know if this is related in her mind or not, but any time she wants to get rid of me, she tells me I need to go make supper.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "any time she wants to get rid of me" - LOL!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Love this. Go make supper, mommy. You bore me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: silvergirl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      my friend's daughter does the same thing... only now that she's 5, she's got the perception of time down... she was telling me last week that she told K - "it's time for a snack, so you need to put your paint away." K protested, "but is it ready yet?" my friend couldn't very well lie, so she told her that she would go make her a snack, and she needed to be down as soon as it was ready. "do you want cereal and milk?" K thought for a second, "No... that doesn't take long to make. (tapping her chin) how about chili and cornbread, you know the kind you put in the big pot before we leave for school and isn't ready until dinnertime? that, i want that for a snack." outsmarted, my friend was!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. This just happened at the lunch table today. Keep in mind that my husband's mother recently stayed with my 2-year-old while I was away for a few days and her dad was at work. She likes to spoil her grandkids a bit and is less strict about things like sugar consumption...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Daughter (2-years-old): [looking at the pictures on her placemat and pointing to them] " What's this?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Me: "A pear."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      D: "What's this?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      M: "A tomato."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      D: "What's this?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      M: "A cupcake."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      D: "Have cupcake!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      M: "I'd like to have a cupcake too, but we don't have any."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      D: "Where's Nana?"

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. I Freecycled a bread machine today as I just never liked how the bread turned out. The man who picked it up had his kids with him & when he took it, the young boy did a fist pump & said "YES!! Free bread!"


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. My husband, who’s a child at heart, contributed this one.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I made zucchini fritters and he loved them. A few days later he said, “Will you make some more of those “critters?” And that’s what we call them to this day.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Spice_zing

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  My daughter (she's 7) loves sushi as do her two older brothers. Upon being served cooked fish for dinner one night when she was about 4 looked at it quizically and demanded to know what it was, when I told her it was fish she looked at me folded her little arms and told me that wasn't fish, it took quite a bit of convincing before she believed that "warm fish" wasn't gross.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. My sister is always very precise and sh was precocious. At the cottage my mom asked a 3 yr old Susan if she'd like berries on her cereal. "What kind of berries?" Susan asked.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Rasperries was the answer. "Those aren't berries. Those are multiple stone fruits." said Susan.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. Another favourite is when my 8 yr old was at afriend's house for dinner last year. He asked what was for dinner and was told turkey with mashed potatoes and corn. "Great!" he yelled.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "oh! Do you like turkey?" the mother asked.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Do you like mashed potatoes?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Do you like corn?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Then why did you say great?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "I don't know. It just is."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. When my daughter was little, she used to call PB&J "Penis butter and jelly."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      We've promised we won't tell the story at her wedding.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Chatsworth

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Oh, I so hope you break your promise...or keep the promise and tell it at her bachelorette party.