Cooking away from home disasters
I made a Christmas capon in a rented ski chalet, not realizing what a mess it would make in the oven (the grease spattered well beyond the tented foil to reach every nook and cranny)... We were vacating the chalet the next day so I spent the rest of Christmas cleaning the oven and racks with the paltry cleaning products that were on hand since all the shops were shut... Next year we're having cereal! (The capon was actually very tasty though-- sorry about your cranberry bread).
don't ever ask someone who doesn't cook about the ingredients in his (or her) home.
Me: "You have buttermilk?"
Him; "Of course, silly!"
Cut to: 3 hours later
M: "Honey, where's the buttermilk?"
H: "On the door and on the shelf?"
H: "On the door and on the shelf... Let me show you." Comes into kitchen and opens the fridge door wide, then patronizingly pulls out half a stick of butter and the dregs of a quart of milk."
M: "No... I wanted..."
H: "You said butter, milk."
H: "Huh?" Beat. "Does this mean I have to go to the store?"