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change in venue

a friend has started to date someone new, hooray. the newbie's birthday is today, great. the gang is going out to celebrate and meet newbie.... wonderful

here is the crux, the 'host' has changed minds about where to eat 3x now. and by host, i don't mean the person paying. it will be dutch, although presumably host will be covering newbie's food as it is someone who is not (yet) a friend in common. the venue was originally a favorite pizza place that would have run about $10 - $12 each and allows byob for the 2/3 of us who choose to imbibe. after two changes the venue is now a korean buffet place with marginal food and a cost of $22 per person plus tip and tax, in addition we will have to purchase beverages, so its going to be around $35 per person.

as we had all agreed on the date and time, we can't claim we have a conflict, and bowing out simply because of cost seems churlish. i suppose there really isn't a decent resolution, but i hope others keep this in mind when making their own plans. you could be putting your friends in a real bind. i'm lucky, (this month) its not going to make or break the bank.

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  1. Ugh, that is very inconsiderate. It's always possible that you did not get the message about the change in venue and oops! you showed up at the original place and are so very sorry to have missed everyone. Not that I would recommend this course of action, perish the thought.

    1. Wow- that seems extreme for a new significant other. If I was dating someone for a short period and he wanted to introduce me to his friends, I think I'd prefer a casual environment with inexpensive food. If s/he wants to do somewhere fancy at this stage, it should be for the host/SO only. It sounds like in the future everyone should agree on the budget first and then pick a location, because it does seem a bit chintzy to bow out at the last minute because of cost.

      1. If this is a friend, I would just be honest and say you'd rather stick with the first place that was chosen. If the friend still decides to go to the more expensive place, it gives you the option of saying sorry, I can't afford that right now, and I'll meet your SO another time.

        1. It wouldn't concern me to suggest keeping the cost down with consideration to everyone's budget concerns. You wouldn't be the first to make a suggestion of that nature and I can't see it being offensive. It may be that your friend is simply starry eyed and trying to make the best impression on the new "love", not really thinking about the impact in may have on others.

          7 Replies
          1. re: CocoaNut

            I've actually had people tell me I was being selfish for bringing up a budget issue with respect to an outing. I was unemployed at the time and the outing was probably going to cost a good $70 minimum. I was told that if I were really a good friend, I'd just shut up about it and pay the $70-100.

            1. re: queencru

              Sounds like your "friend" may not be a "friend".

              1. re: queencru

                Wow. Those weren't really "friends".

                1. re: PattiCakes

                  IIRC, it was one friend who was a SAHM and felt like if she could suck it up and pay, I could too. However, her husband was working so it wasn't similar at all.

                2. re: queencru

                  R.e.a.l.l.y.? And being a good friend, I would have told that person exactly what I thought, although I'm not sure they would have wanted to be my friend afterward... Or I might have said if they were really a good friend to me, perhaps they should pay for my meal. Either way, it wouldn't have gone down smooth

                  1. re: queencru

                    No, if THEY were a good friend they'd be considerate of the fact that you were in seriously reduced circumstances and find somewhere to eat that wouldn't require you to shell out a hundred bucks that you didn't have! Some people are plain spoiled... (not you)

                    1. re: Kajikit

                      Initially I agreed to spend $30 on an event and then probably another $10-20 on the afterparty. Then it got switched to $60 for the event plus a dinner beforehand that would probably run $20 minimum. It just seemed like a bit bait and switch to me. What's worse is that when the event came, I had such a horrible migraine that I had to leave after about an hour and while I didn't eat anything, I still had to pay $60 for the event I did not attend.

                3. I don't believe we should ever be pressured to spend our own money. If you don't want to spend $25-40 on dinner per person then say it's not in this week's budget.