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change in venue

KaimukiMan Oct 9, 2010 05:09 PM

a friend has started to date someone new, hooray. the newbie's birthday is today, great. the gang is going out to celebrate and meet newbie.... wonderful

here is the crux, the 'host' has changed minds about where to eat 3x now. and by host, i don't mean the person paying. it will be dutch, although presumably host will be covering newbie's food as it is someone who is not (yet) a friend in common. the venue was originally a favorite pizza place that would have run about $10 - $12 each and allows byob for the 2/3 of us who choose to imbibe. after two changes the venue is now a korean buffet place with marginal food and a cost of $22 per person plus tip and tax, in addition we will have to purchase beverages, so its going to be around $35 per person.

as we had all agreed on the date and time, we can't claim we have a conflict, and bowing out simply because of cost seems churlish. i suppose there really isn't a decent resolution, but i hope others keep this in mind when making their own plans. you could be putting your friends in a real bind. i'm lucky, (this month) its not going to make or break the bank.

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  1. s
    small h RE: KaimukiMan Oct 9, 2010 06:29 PM

    Ugh, that is very inconsiderate. It's always possible that you did not get the message about the change in venue and oops! you showed up at the original place and are so very sorry to have missed everyone. Not that I would recommend this course of action, perish the thought.

    1. q
      queencru RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 08:03 AM

      Wow- that seems extreme for a new significant other. If I was dating someone for a short period and he wanted to introduce me to his friends, I think I'd prefer a casual environment with inexpensive food. If s/he wants to do somewhere fancy at this stage, it should be for the host/SO only. It sounds like in the future everyone should agree on the budget first and then pick a location, because it does seem a bit chintzy to bow out at the last minute because of cost.

      1. boyzoma RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 10:06 AM

        If this is a friend, I would just be honest and say you'd rather stick with the first place that was chosen. If the friend still decides to go to the more expensive place, it gives you the option of saying sorry, I can't afford that right now, and I'll meet your SO another time.

        1. c
          CocoaNut RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 11:50 AM

          It wouldn't concern me to suggest keeping the cost down with consideration to everyone's budget concerns. You wouldn't be the first to make a suggestion of that nature and I can't see it being offensive. It may be that your friend is simply starry eyed and trying to make the best impression on the new "love", not really thinking about the impact in may have on others.

          7 Replies
          1. re: CocoaNut
            queencru RE: CocoaNut Oct 10, 2010 01:10 PM

            I've actually had people tell me I was being selfish for bringing up a budget issue with respect to an outing. I was unemployed at the time and the outing was probably going to cost a good $70 minimum. I was told that if I were really a good friend, I'd just shut up about it and pay the $70-100.

            1. re: queencru
              CocoaNut RE: queencru Oct 10, 2010 01:56 PM

              Sounds like your "friend" may not be a "friend".

              1. re: queencru
                PattiCakes RE: queencru Oct 11, 2010 08:31 AM

                Wow. Those weren't really "friends".

                1. re: PattiCakes
                  queencru RE: PattiCakes Oct 11, 2010 06:21 PM

                  IIRC, it was one friend who was a SAHM and felt like if she could suck it up and pay, I could too. However, her husband was working so it wasn't similar at all.

                2. re: queencru
                  Cherylptw RE: queencru Oct 11, 2010 08:30 PM

                  R.e.a.l.l.y.? And being a good friend, I would have told that person exactly what I thought, although I'm not sure they would have wanted to be my friend afterward... Or I might have said if they were really a good friend to me, perhaps they should pay for my meal. Either way, it wouldn't have gone down smooth

                  1. re: queencru
                    Kajikit RE: queencru Oct 12, 2010 03:00 PM

                    No, if THEY were a good friend they'd be considerate of the fact that you were in seriously reduced circumstances and find somewhere to eat that wouldn't require you to shell out a hundred bucks that you didn't have! Some people are plain spoiled... (not you)

                    1. re: Kajikit
                      queencru RE: Kajikit Oct 12, 2010 04:27 PM

                      Initially I agreed to spend $30 on an event and then probably another $10-20 on the afterparty. Then it got switched to $60 for the event plus a dinner beforehand that would probably run $20 minimum. It just seemed like a bit bait and switch to me. What's worse is that when the event came, I had such a horrible migraine that I had to leave after about an hour and while I didn't eat anything, I still had to pay $60 for the event I did not attend.

                3. s
                  smartie RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 01:41 PM

                  I don't believe we should ever be pressured to spend our own money. If you don't want to spend $25-40 on dinner per person then say it's not in this week's budget.

                  1. Barbara76137 RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 05:11 PM

                    I've read all of the 7 replies so far, and gotta agree with them all, although they all brought up different things.

                    Something that sticks in my mind is that is the meal or the person (or persons, in the case of friends) more important? I think the friendship issue would be more important in introducing the new SO to the new circle of friends. That introduction shouldn't put any logistical or financial pressure on the friends. Just meet for coffee or cocktails to introduce the new SO and then not expect everyone to be jerked around about the birthday meal. Those that would join the couple for dinner could do so, those that chose not to could do something else.

                    1. KaimukiMan RE: KaimukiMan Oct 10, 2010 09:52 PM

                      well, friend surprised us all and sprang for dinner for all 7 of us. must be true love, huh?

                      3 Replies
                      1. re: KaimukiMan
                        smartie RE: KaimukiMan Oct 11, 2010 05:19 AM

                        how lovely!

                        1. re: KaimukiMan
                          CocoaNut RE: KaimukiMan Oct 11, 2010 06:32 AM

                          Indeed! and what a treat for all of you!

                          1. re: KaimukiMan
                            small h RE: KaimukiMan Oct 11, 2010 07:24 AM

                            Everybody wins!

                          2. Bill Hunt RE: KaimukiMan Oct 12, 2010 09:10 PM

                            I hate when folk cannot make up their mind. I often get placed in the position of doing the reservations, and then people begin with, "oh, Dr. ____ cannot make that date, so we need to cancel, and book elsewhere." That is not my style. I also do not like to bump up, or pare down, the number of diners. Give me the count, and stick to it - damnit.

                            I feel your pain. Going though similar with a set of reservations in London at the end of the month. I finally put my foot down, and said - "if you, and the others cannot make it, then my wife and I are dining there, then. Good luck."


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