Antigua, GT: La Fonda de la Calle Real or how to say “tourist trap” in Spanish

[rworange]

The plates were set down. We look. We pause. We contemplate a while.

My friend who is Guatemalan gives me that look of pity and resignation that I get after dragging locals to joints praised in tour books. He says this with heart-felt, serious solemnity …

“I’m going to be honest with you. Pollo Comparo next door serves a lot better breakfast for much less money. It isn’t anything great, but it is better than this”.

It was 1992 when that first glowing review by the NY Times was printed about la Fonda de la Calle Real. Almost two decades later, IMO, what glory was there is gone. It is now a chain with three restaurants in Antigua.

I say this without exaggeration. I had a much … MUCH … better Guatemalan breakfast at Burger King. The service was better at BK also.

After living half a year in Guatemala, the one thing I do know is what a traditional breakfast should be. It is the thing every one eats … day after day … rich or poor.

I am more than qualified to judge the absolute mediocrity of our breakfast. No. Not even good enough to be mediocre.

This was the Denny’s of Guatemalan food … only expensive … and the service wasn’t as good.

What was also annoying was that they didn’t even give the correct names for some of the food … tourists don’t know any better, after all.

That was NOT ranchero sauce. It was chirmol. I've had Guatemalan ranchero sauce. This was not it. A plain sweet roll is NOT a mollete. That was NOT pan Frances. I have no clue what the grilled meat was … pork … beef … chicken?

Here's what we had rated on a scale of 1-10
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/724584

- El Tradicional: 3 - Below average
(Scrambled egg, plantains, refried beans, cheese, chirmol sauce)

- El de mi antojo: 3 - Below average
(Grilled meat with chirmol marinade, fried egg, chorizo, plantains, refried beans, cheese, chirmol sauce)

- Mollete: 3.5 - Below average
- Pan Francais: 3 - Below average
- Tortillas: 5 - Average
- Coffee: 3 - Below average
- Tap water … TAP water: 1- Unpotable

Congrats La Fonda. That is the first “1” that I’ve given since I've started using ratings in my reports.

Service: 2 – Way below average
Ambiance: 6 - Slightly above average
Price: $$

I have a long thread about restaurants in Antigua.
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/713371

Usually I’ll post a separate report if the restaurant is so exceptionally wonderful that it deserves special attention.

This is my first report for a restaurant that is so exceptionally underwhelming it deserves special attention … especially since it has a high profile with tourists.

Restaurant and Bar records
La Fonda de la Calle Real 1
http://www.chow.com/restaurants/918424/la-fonda-de-la-calle-real-1
La Fonda de la Calle Real 2
http://www.chow.com/restaurants/918423/la-fonda-de-la-calle-real-2
La Fonda de la Calle Real 3
http://www.chow.com/restaurants/918425/la-fonda-de-la-calle-real-3

I ate at location 2 near Central Park, the only location serving breakfast. Oddly, it is located across the street from location 1.

Flikr photo stream with a few more photos of the restaurant.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7685047@...

The details in the first reply where I will rip the meal in little pieces, chew it up, spit it out and enjoy that more than what was served.

[rworange]

LA FONDA DE LA CALLE REAL DETAILS

- EL TRADICIONAL: 3 - Below average
(Scrambled egg, plantains, refried beans, cheese, chirmol sauce)

My friend had this. It is basically the same as mine without the meat. The egg, beans cheese and chirmol were all ok, but lacked any real taste or character. Though it is called ranchero sauce I’ve had Guatemalan ranchero sauce. This isn’t it.

The bananas were greasy. At home when someone makes a mistake and cooks them like this, a napkin is used to pat the oil off. No one patted the oil off here.

- EL DE MI ANTOJO: 3 - Below average
(Grilled meat with chirmol marinade, fried egg, chorizo, plantains, refried beans, cheese, and chirmol sauce).

The sausage was burnt, and looked like a small brown turd. I can’t believe how tiny it was. It was dry. The slight heat was the only flavor.

The mystery meat was listed on the menu as “Churrasquito con chirmol asado” which roughly translates as “roasted meat with chirmol”. It was dry on the outside, so I assume the red color came from the chirmol marinade. I just couldn’t identify what type of meat it was.

The breakfast in the photo costs almost $10 USD.

- PAN FRANCES: 3 - Below average

While I love soft, yeasty fresh pan Frances, I’m not a fan of the type that is toasted with butter. Toasted it is more the texture of stale bread that is left out and goes hard. Guatemalans seem to like it toasted that way. It is how toasted pan Frances and other white bread is served at home and many restaurants.

La Fonda knows their tourists and gringoed it up. It wasn’t great, but the at least it was soft.

I say to my Guatemalan friend “the pan Frances isn’t bad”

He says “it’s not pan Frances”

Yeah, I knew that. Wrong shape. Wrong flavor.

- TORTILLAS: 5 - Average

Innocuous.

- COFFEE: 3 - Below average

Tasted like 7-11 coffee … that had been sitting a while.

- MOLLETE: 3.5 - Below average

My friend scored this one since I’m not familiar with molletes.

It was served warm and tasted like bread pudding. It is the kind of bread pudding I don’t like. It was too soft, soggy and squishy.

My Guatemalan friend was unhappy because it had no syrup. He said molletes start out as sweet rolls. Then they are stuffed and soaked in syrup.

There is a mollete served with a tamal. They were out of tamales and the waitress said the mollete with that was just a plain sweet roll without syrup.

- TAP WATER … TAP water: 1- Unpotable

It took us a couple of repeated requests to get the pitcher of water. It didn’t have the ice we requested. My friend takes one sip and says “this is tap water”. That may or may not be the policy of the restaurant. Given our server was not good, it might have been her decision to do this.

Service: 2 – Way below average

Included in the price of breakfast was a choice of coffee or tea and tortillas or coffee.

The waitress didn’t bother to ask which we wanted. I had to speak up as she tried to take off. She tried to stiff my friend out of his beverage. He attempted to flag her down a number of times and she just ignored him.

There were only two occupied tables at the time which included ours. The lady at the other table finally stood up, waved her arms and called “cuenta” so she could get the check. It took her another ten minutes or so.

I was asked if I wanted an English menu. I said yes. I was handed a Spanish menu.

Then there was that issue of serving us room temperature tap water.

Ambiance: 6 - Slightly above average

Even with my bad photography it looks beautiful. It is a restaurant that photographs well. It was a little worn in spots. Antigua is a city of drop-dead gorgeous restaurants. This was nice enough but there are too many that are much prettier.

It seems a place that no longer tries. The tourists will come based on their past reputation. Most are unfamiliar with Guatemalan cuisine and will not know that it can be much, much better than this.

[JoanN]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that that last photo, the dessert one, is a torrejas and not a mollete. First of all, a mollete is a pan dulce, a sweetish, dry bread that you’d dunk in coffee. I simply can’t imagine something like that being served with a tamal. Below is a picture of a mollete I bought yesterday at Panaderia de San Francisco.

The dessert made from molletes is called molletes rellenos. There’s a recipe for it (#367) in “Cocina Regional Guatemalteca.” Basically, as the name implies, the molletes is stuffed with it’s own seasoned crumbs, fried, then soaked in honey. The photo you’ve posted just doesn’t look like a mollete relleno. Also, if you take a look at the menu for La Fonda you’ll see that Torrejas en Miel is the first dessert listed under Postres. There’s no mollete, rellenoed or otherwise, on the menu.

There are two different recipes for torrejas in “Cocina Regional.” I wonder if either of those, rather than the recipe for molletes rellenos, seem more like what your friend had at La Fonda.

ETA: Just had a long conversation with my daughter-in-law about the recipe for molletes rellenos and the difference between molletes rellenos and torrejas. I couldn't figure out what "2 pomos de rosicler" were (in the list of ingredeints for the molletes in "Cocina Regional"). She told me that that translates as 2 tubes of an anise flavored pink decorative icing type product that she remembers as being a traditional decoration on molletes rellenos and a number of other traditional sweets. She also said that sometimes molletes rellenos and torrejas will look the same on the outside (except for that pink decoration) but the difference will be obvious once you cut into them since one has been cut apart and stuffed and the other has not.

[rworange]

My friend left before I could clarify. I'll get the answer some day.

As I wrote in another post, I am going to back away a bit on my La Fonda de la Calle Real position.

This article about the 35th anniversary of the original restaurant writes that the restaurant where I ate breakfast is owned by different family members.
http://www.degustantigua.com/en/35-ye...

If I was the owner of the original restaurant I would demand they change the restaurant name. So if anyone must try La Fonda, then walk across the street to the original.

After having slammed the restaurant, I feel it is only fair to see if the original is any better, so I'll report back in a few weeks ... though I am anticipating the meal with dread.