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Painful, but funny

I was reading the thread about finger cutting while cooking, and it put me in mind of a rash of older, food-related injuries showing up in ERs that struck me as very funny - Popcorn Eye was one (staring immediately into a just-opened bag of freshly-popped microwave popcorn) and Bagel Hand another (back in the day when bagels were novel in much of the country and the uninitiated insisted on slicing same with one hand while holding with the unfortunate other).

I'm probably not a very nice person for getting such yuks out of this, but there it is...a few steps shy of the Darwin Awards. Any nominations for similarly hilarious mishaps?

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  1. Back when I was a line cook, I found it pretty hilarious that a couple of my colleagues managed to dunk their entire hand into the fryer. Yuk Yuk!

    1. Oven Eyes, where you dry roast your eyeballs by opening a really hot convection oven "just to peek"--but you're standing too close because you're not wearing your glasses (and thus not protected because you're not wearing your glasses!).

      1 Reply
      1. re: Beckyleach

        LMAO @ dry roasted eyebrows.

        there is also eyebrow and eyelash instant removal when you light the gas burner and it makes a woooooooof and blows up in your face.

        we have boiling water hand scald when the electric kettle lid is not clipped in and you wonder why it won't turn itself off putting hand over the boiling top of the kettle to close it - duh.

      2. hehe, I have a Bagel Hand scar.

        Hows about Vinegar Lung? Leaning over a hot pickle stewing or similar seasonings on eg popcorn and taking a big deep inhale..... particularly enjoyable when you're asthmatic.

        5 Replies
        1. re: im_nomad

          jfood pulled that bonehead move once when he was reducing balsamic vinegar to a balsamic syrup for mozzy and tomatoes.

          1. re: jfood

            And then there was the time many years ago when I attemped to make chili oil. Or when I made steak au poivre. There wasn't enough ventilation in the universe to clear the air.... Live and learn.

          2. re: im_nomad

            A few days ago, my chile powder looked a little clumpy. I make my own, and I *love* the way it smells. But it was clumpy, so I gave the jar a hard shake before I took the lid off and promptly (stupidly, idiotically, etc) buried my nose in the jar to inhale, on purpose. Thank god it was a mild batch. Even so, I had flaming nostrils for a good hour.

            And I often manage to place my oven mitt, or my bare hand, directly over the steaming vent on my DO lid. The peek-a-boo burn.

            And I do sometimes start wiping the stove down, and forget that I've only meant to wipe around the still-hot burners, and I put my hand right on the hot iron.

            1. re: im_nomad

              Or homemade horseradish sauce, took the top off the blender and took a big sniff, sinuses were clear for months. Also dropped a frozen ham on my foot, have a couple of very ugly toes.

              1. re: BeefeaterRocks

                Rhetorical question, but why is it that a ham-related injury is just so very hilarious?

            2. Every year I get my "Thanksgiving Burn" When I burn my forearm taking the turkey out of the oven and it singes on oven wall somehow... EVERY DAMN YEAR!!!!

              14 Replies
              1. re: gryphonskeeper

                I manage to remember the food I was cooking while garnering the array of burn scars up my arms, somehow I managed to scald above the elbow during pumpkin pie, and I have an impressive inner side elbow scar from Thanksgiving turkey. Painful, and you get to feel dumb at the same time....

                1. re: rcallner

                  It has gotten to be almost comical. Every year they ask me "So where did you get the burn this time?"

                  1. re: rcallner

                    tiger stripes? I have plenty of faded ones from working in restaurant kitchens

                  2. re: gryphonskeeper

                    whimp, the sides are the not-so-hot part of the oven. You know that orange thing on the top of the oven...now you're talking hot. :-))

                    1. re: jfood

                      That is usually where I get it. Right on the top part of my forearm!

                        1. re: jfood

                          And knits this thread together nicely with the vented range hood thread. Apart from the horrific screams from the kitchen as we sip a cocktail in the living room, the smell from the burned forearm is a Debbie Downer. Don't you wish hosts would get their act together?

                          1. re: Veggo

                            the only skin jfood has ever smelled from the little orange thing is his own. when he is a guest at friends' houses, they are much more careful than he.

                            1. re: jfood

                              and they type more carefluly, too.:)

                    2. re: gryphonskeeper

                      Every year? Count your blessings. I do the same g__d__ thing every other time I bake something. It's not my fault. I like to wear short sleeves at home, and no one's making elbow length oven mitts yet. Why not?!

                      1. re: gryphonskeeper

                        I have a row of four parallel burn scars just above my wrist from hitting the top of the oven while taking something out. Kind of amusing in a sick way.

                        1. re: DGresh

                          I've had those burns, too. Sadly, the last time, the pot holder had a thin spot I didn't know about so I burned my hand which made me jerk up and hit the top of the oven.

                      2. How about the famous Chili contacts? Rub eyes with chili juice (painful enough without contacts) only to re-experience it the next day when you put your now contaminated contacts back in!

                        1 Reply
                        1. re: Quine

                          Had a bad case of jalapeno eye this summer. Chopped jalapenos from the gareden and promptly rubbed my eye. Also gave myself a pasta facial just this very evening.

                          Like my kids say, it's all funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!