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Sep 3, 2010 06:39 AM

Join small h and I in opening an ironic-foods restaurant!

On another thread, small h inspired me to consider how much $ I could make if I opened a restaurant whose entire menu was ironic. Of course that means we'd serve PBR, and as small h pointed out, we'd have to offer parmesan in the green can.

What else—going beyond the obvious like green bean casserole and Jello salads?

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  1. Any recipe with Velveeta as an ingredient. In soliciting noodle kugel recipes for the upcoming Jewish New Year, a poster on another board offered up a kugel with Velveeta. I will be polite and not explain the irony of that, but it should be evident.

    1. Heavenly hash! You'd HAVE to have Heavenly Hash!
      Grilled cheese and shaved ham
      KABOOM! Cereal
      Celery with peanut butter
      Deviled ham on Triscuits
      pigs in a blanket (vienna sausage, Pillsbury biscuits, and mustard)
      RICE A RONI!
      Cold Duck
      Turkey Croquettes
      Salmon patties
      Swedish meatballs
      Oooo, just think of the great cocktail you could make with Cold Duck and TANG!

      20 Replies
      1. re: ZenSojourner

        <Oooo, just think of the great cocktail you could make with Cold Duck and TANG!>

        I ordered a vodka & grapefruit juice once and was served vodka & grapefruit-flavored Crystal Light. I was disgusted at the time, but now, what with fancy-pants cocktail madness gripping my beloved home town, I think the natural next step is just as you've suggested: powdered drink drinks.

        1. re: small h

          Actually, some 10 years ago a restaurant in Boston, Tremont 647, used to serve a Tang-rimmed drink.

          Cold duck: brilliant. But I'm not sure I get the croquettes and patties? Those sound okay to me... :)

          A restaurant here in Denver makes Spam fries.

          Oh! Hanky pankys (speaking of Velveeta):

          1. re: tatamagouche

            Ooooo, SPAM! How could I have forgotten Spam?

            For an exotic touch, sweet and sour spam or stir-fried spam

            1. re: ZenSojourner

              I think the key, as your own list suggests, would be that the kitchen would NOT make wink-wink high-end versions of any of this: it would actually be stocked with Velveeta, Spam, Jello, Rice-a-Roni, Triscuits, etc. The food would be crap, and the customers would lick it up.

              1. re: ZenSojourner

                Or good ol' Spam sushi, perhaps, for some cross-cultural irony?

                1. re: grayelf

                  Oh my! Now that is TRULY frightening!

                  1. re: ZenSojourner

                    It actually tasted okay, but I don't know that I'd go out of my way to try it again.

                    1. re: grayelf

                      I just tried Spam musubi myself the other day at a Hawaiian place. It was...what it was.

                      1. re: grayelf

                        On which island did you first have it?

                        1. re: wew

                          I gather it's everywhere :) See the Wiki reference re 7-Eleven:


                          Once I became aware of it and started talking to people who live or visit there, it was just ubiquitous. Or is that ironic??!?

                2. re: tatamagouche

                  I haven't been there in a while, but my better half once ordered a Buzz Aldrin cocktail with Tang at the Corner Office in Denver.

                  Most chefs have already capitalized on the ironic foods trend. I had a S'mores dessert at Per Se several years ago, forgodssake. In Denver alone you've got Troy Guard of TAG using Pop Rocks as if it were panko, Frank Bonanno dishing out Cap-N-Crunch soft serve at Bones, and Jennifer Jasinski dispensing bombers of Miller Lite in a paper bag at Euclid Hall.

                  1. re: rlm

                    Yes, but this won't be high-end...I'm sure the S'mores were made with homemade graham crackers, marshmallows, and pricey dark chocolate right? This has to be pure crap! Nothing but the worst for our clientele!

                    1. re: tatamagouche

                      Frito chile pie
                      Spaghetti O's
                      Little Debbie Snack Cakes
                      Hormel tamales in a can
                      Swanson old-school TV dinners in the foil packages with tons of trans fats
                      Top Ramen
                      Deviled eggs with French's yellow and Miracle Whip--none of these fancy-pants versions with chives, crab, actual seasonings, caviar, or other flourishes
                      White trash casseroles like broccoli-rice with Velveeta, green bean with canned onion strips, or chicken with Lays Original Potato Chips on top
                      S.O.S. (roast beef hash on Wonderbread toast)
                      Green and pink mystery whipped "salads" with mandarin oranges, marshmallows, mayo, cheap chopped nuts, etc.

                      This restaurant would separate hipsters from their cash faster than anything before it ever has.

                      1. re: rlm

                        There's a little fake-mex taco joint in my hometown that does Frito pies. Ate one of those for lunch at least once a week in high school. Yum.

                        1. re: LauraGrace

                          Frito pie is also on the menu at many a Sonic drive-in.

                        2. re: rlm

                          Tamales in a can, YES.

                          Maybe we should get Steve from Steve Don't Eat It! to consult. Maybe he'll give us his decades-old boxes of Urkel-Os.

                          1. re: rlm

                            Mmmmm this is making me crave frito pie. Chili from can!

                        3. re: rlm

                          >> Jennifer Jasinski dispensing bombers of Miller Lite in a paper bag at Euclid Hall.

                          That was Miller High Life... let's get our iconic images right.

                          Also looks like she was serving corn dogs.

                      2. re: small h

                        LOL - vodka and grapefruit flavored crystal light is my go to beach drink. But I would be very disappointed if I ordered a vodka and grapefruit juice.

                        For additional irony, I'd do a hamburger helper kind of thing.

                        1. re: jeanmarieok

                          It's different when it's on purpose. You made a choice (and no judgments - I'm sure that drink has its charms and is very refreshing on a hot day). I was baited & switched.

                    2. OK - I like this thread!

                      Celery with Kraft Old English or Pimento Cheese Spread
                      Trix Cereal
                      Hostess Twinkies, Snow Balls or Chocolate Cup Cakes
                      Tuna and Noodle Casserole
                      Kraft Mac & Cheese
                      Noodles Romanoff
                      Dinty Moore Beef Stew
                      Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup (from the box)
                      Corn Dogs on the stick
                      Chicken Pot Pies from the freezer in the little tins

                      6 Replies
                      1. re: boyzoma

                        I was in a restaurant in Puerto Rico where they had Twinkies on the dessert menu . . .

                        1. re: boyzoma

                          There are some of us who find nothing "ironic" about either Ovaltine or tuna-noodle casserole. Or corn dogs, for that matter. I can see dissing the current North American version of Ovaltine, as it's gotten stupidly sweet, but the stuff of my (far distant) youth is still available in Asian markets here in SoCal. But Mrs. O has this thing about corn dogs that resembles some peoples' relationship with crack cocaine, and if I don't make a tuna-noodle casserole every so often - I introduced her to it, as it was a mainstay of my childhood, not hers - she pesters me until I do.

                          Kraft mac'n'cheese? Okay, I like that, but it's ironic... especially with Oscar Mayer weenies cut up in it.

                          1. re: Will Owen

                            I agree that we can disagree on some things. But I love your comment on the Oscar Mayer weenies in it. Did that with both the mac & cheese and the spaghetti-o's. :-)

                            1. re: boyzoma

                              I took a driving vacation through southeastern Belgium and stayed one night at the Luxembourg Hilton. The rooms are outdated but it is a beautiful location. There were many families staying there.

                              For the buffet breakfast, there were many wonderful items. Imagine my surprise when I removed the lid of the buffet server to find... weenies and beans. These weren't American-style baked beans, but the British Heinz in a can style beans. And the weenies were like Libby's Vienna sausages. I suppose that's why they're called Vienna sausages, just didn't think they'd show up at a Hilton.

                              1. re: GraydonCarter

                                Oh, that really is bad. I feel for you! I know all too well about Heinz beans. My mom used to try to change them up by adding ketchup, brown sugar, diced ham and pineapple and then bake for an hour or so!

                          2. re: boyzoma

                            the comment about Lipton soup from the box reminded me of one...

                            Good Seasons Italian dressing from a packet.

                          3. Prepare something like pressed duck with an entirely automated method (from slaughter to plating) and deliver it to diners in their cars via conveyor belt or bank tube.

                            1. Hi-C and Hawaiian Punch
                              Boone's Farm and Annie Green Springs "wine"
                              Pineapple upside down cake
                              Pillsbury Dinner rolls from those cardboard tubes or packaged rolls from the bread aisle.
                              Instant mashed potatoes
                              Minute Rice
                              Drake’s Coffee Cake, Devil Dogs, Yankee Doodles, Funny Bones, and Ring Dings
                              Salisbury Steak w/brown gravy
                              Canned peas, green beans, or asparagus
                              Flavor straws

                              7 Replies
                              1. re: al b. darned

                                YES on Boone's Farm and Pillsbury rolls especially.

                                And: cereal milk! We'll "infuse" our own, of course. Also, milk and Pepsi.

                                1. re: tatamagouche

                                  milk and Pepsi.

                                  Together? Never heard of that.

                                    1. re: tatamagouche

                                      Can you say "Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated" !!!!!

                                      1. re: tatamagouche

                                        Never been much of sitcom watcher....especially that one.

                                      2. re: al b. darned

                                        Used to be made with Coke at soda fountains and called a Brown Cow.