HOME > Chowhound > General Topics >


i'm powerless over ... mayo

  • o


I'm a mayo addict and I'm tired of it. Take this morning -- why did I need to put mayo on a egg and cheese bagel? Why am I continuously stock piling little mayo packets in my desk drawers at work to put on pretty much anything I eat (lunch, snacks, anything but candy).
I need it with normal foods (sandwiches, chicken/tuna salads, fries, etc. -- but always adding extra) and not (ramen/noodles/baked potato, grilled vegetables, any roast meats, the list goes on).
It is most awkward when eating with others at dinner or being a guest in someone's home -- I can't ask for a bottle of hellman's by my side o_O, I just hope there is something containing mayo already and secretly hope I can sneak in some more. This is occupying too much mental space!

What are better, tastier, and healthier ways to add flavor to foods? Any good fun alternatives?
This might seem silly but I need help -___-

Thank you

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
  1. No, there are no healthier/better/tastier alternatives. Fries dipped in mayo? Nirvana.

    If you want to be healthy, forget trying to achieve the same mouth feel and psychic happiness that a good mayonnaise gives you. Ignore the health food addicts.

    Don't forget, healthy food is overrated. Think Jim Fixx and enjoy your glorious mayo, in moderation as the sainted Julia notes, in moderation.

    1. Well, clearly, you need to eat more candy. You're welcome.

      But since you do seem to want help, I'm going to give you my top four not *too* bad for you condiments: pesto (made with spinach), sundried tomatoes, balsalmic vinegar, and chutney. These can go on pasta, salads, sandwiches and meats, adding a lot of flavor and moisture. Oh, and there's always hot sauce.

      And as a significant portion of my posts lately have mentioned chutney, I am going to have to stop and think whether or not *I* have a problem, with chutney.

      2 Replies
      1. re: onceadaylily

        thanks guys ^-^
        I think the best solution I can come up so far is to only insist on GOOD mayo -- not some generic packets or hellman's even (?!?!) I'm sure if I decided that I would only eat nice homemade mayo that I had to make every time myself it would cut down on the consumption considerably.

        (on the topic of pesto, hot sauce, and chutney all I could think of how awesome they'd be mixed with mayo ::sigh:: -___-)

        1. re: olia

          Yes - one of my favorite ways to prepare thick lamb chops or pork chops is to mix up one part each of olive oil and harissa paste (North African condiment, comes in tubes, always a French brand because they're nuts about it) with two parts Hellman's and smear it thickly all over the meat before baking it on a rack... but wait, you're trying to get AWAY from mayonnaise. For some reason I can't quite fathom... look, if you do make your own, don't think for a minute that'll make you cut down. You'll probably just be making a new batch every other day! (Hint: drop a big clove of garlic into the running processor, then scrape all the tiny bits down and proceed with your mayonnaise. Yum yum.) Oh, heck, I'm sure I'm being no help at all... But hey, olive oil, lemon juice and eggs. What the hell is unhealthy about that? Unless you get no exercise and smoke a lot. Just don't do that, and bon appetit!

      2. It's not the mayo, it's what you put it on. Meats and veggies, fine. Bread, chips and starchy stuff not so much. You might want to start making your own mayo, that way you can come up with the perfect blend.

        20 Replies
        1. re: MandalayVA

          Why no mayo on bread or starches? As another poster suggested above, mayo and french fries is a winning combination. And what would a meat sandwich be without mayo?

          Now, Olia, I can't have your back with the ramen or baked potato & mayo combos... you just need to break the addiction, sister. But, that said, I love mayo too (but only Hellman's or the housemade stuff... no Duke's for me). For a while I used the Light Hellman's and it never satisfied me. And then I went home for a visit (PA) and had an Italian hoagie and it tasted SOOOO good and I realized that that was because it had the full fat hellman's mayo on it. I bought a jar of the real stuff when I got home and never looked back.

          1. re: lynnlato

            "But, that said, I love mayo too (but only Hellman's or the housemade stuff... no Duke's for me). For a while I used the Light Hellman's and it never satisfied me."

            Sooo true. I tried it for awhile, and it had the same feel as margarine. Ick.

            I tried the homemade one time, and, like homemade ice cream, can't have it around very often. Hellman's, amazingly, is still excellent, although of course the ounces are less.

            In addition to the wonder of mayo and fries, I have shared that I made the Hellman's dressings back in the 1960s, thanks to Madison Ave. Hellman's and oil and ketchup and relish and lemon juice and different variations thereof........and, in my house, we had only iceberg on which to put this lovely concoction. Yum.

            Ever put mayo on white bread? Yum again.

            1. re: anonymouse1935

              Delicious, yes. Healthy, no. Fat by itself is fine, fat and protein even better (which is what mayo is since it's eggs and oil). Bring a starch into the picture and all the health problems which are blamed solely on fat rear their ugly heads. I'm a Hellmann's devotee too but when I'm eating sandwich stuff I spread the mayo on a big piece of leaf or Romaine lettuce instead of bread. Crunchy fatty deliciousness. And I can eat celery dipped in a mayo/sriracha mix all day.

              1. re: MandalayVA

                Mayo + sriracha was SUCH a revelation to me. Spicy crab and crawfish rolls at my local sushi joint come slathered with the stuff. I could bathe in it. >insert Homer-Simpsonesque drool here<

                1. re: LauraGrace

                  Whatever you do, don't dip a grilled cheese sandwich in that.


                  1. re: Davwud

                    *goes to the kitchen to make a grilled cheese sandwich*

                2. re: MandalayVA

                  Mandalay, I've never heard the fat + Starch combo = problem before. Do you have any source for more information on this, I'd like to read on it a little bit! Thanks!

                  1. re: mateo21

                    A good start is Gary Taubes' "Good Calories, Bad Calories." Taubes is a science journalist and the book basically blows everything that's been taught to us about what constitutes a healthy diet out of the water. It's in paperback. Some of it's a little on the technical side but it's eyeopening reading.

                  2. re: MandalayVA

                    While eggs are present in mayo, they are a minuscule amount. Check any mayo label for protein content. It is fat fat and fat. Hellmans is my favorite.

                  3. re: anonymouse1935

                    Okay, yum, yum and yum.

                    As I kid my love affair with mayo was such that I used to eat wonder bread mayo & iceberg lettuce sandwiches. As if the lettuce somehow added an element of nutrition to the otherwise naughty concoction.

                    We used to eat french fries topped w/ melted mozzerella cheese and then dipped the fries in a mayo-y 1000 like dressing. Pure gluttony.

                    1. re: lynnlato

                      "french fries topped w/ melted mozzerella cheese and then dipped the fries in a mayo-y 1000 like dressing."

                      Wow. That's something even I had never thought of.

                      All this talk of mascarpone -- I bet fries dipped in mayo mixed with mascarpone would be good.

                      Cold dark meat turkey with mayo and cranberry sauce and chestnut/apple/onion stuffing all smooshed together is outstanding.

                      FoodFuser, we don't have Duke's here, is Hellmann's just as good? Yes, I am a mayo addict, and proud of it. I put mayo on Kettle Brand sea salt and vinegar chips (their best flavor and I've tried them all), when I am crazy enough to have both in the house.

                  4. re: lynnlato

                    Agree about Duke's. It's not sold in my area. Picked up a jar when I visited Dallas. It was disappointing. I'm back with Hellman's/Best Foods.

                    1. re: Babyducks

                      I live in Duke's country (NC) but was raised in PA on Hellmans. I've tried Dukes on several occasions (the locals here swear that a tomato sandwich w/ Duke's is perfection) but it just doesn't do it for me the way Hellmans does.

                      1. re: lynnlato

                        Every once in a while I reach for Duke's because it's so much cheaper than Hellmann's. But Hellmann's is so much worth the incremental $.

                        1. re: southernitalian

                          Not here; Duke's is slightly more expensive, but I'm willing to pay the extra $ for Duke's (which, incidentally, contains no sugar). I love it, but I'm a danged Southerner.
                          I do not, however, turn my nose up at Hellman's/Best Foods, which is a pretty darned good mayo. But do not put any other brand before me--no Kraft, no Whole Foods. And no veggie or soy substitutes, please. Low-fat? That just ain't mayo.

                        2. re: lynnlato

                          I also live in Duke's country (VA) but raised in NJ on Hellmann's. I don't refuse Duke's if that's all that's available and it's a very decent mayo but it's not Hellmann's.

                          1. re: MandalayVA

                            You captured my sentiment exactly. It's good, but it ain't Hellmanns.

                        3. re: Babyducks

                          Oh me too! I"m so glad I am not the only person disappointed with Duke's. I will forever be a Hellmen's girl. though Kraft is ok in a pinch. Anything besides the fat free crap.

                          1. re: KristieB

                            I will never forget the time my MIL told me, "This family prefers Cain's." She, of course, meant her and I had bought Hellman's. Duke is for southerners and Olde Cape Cod mayo is for damned Yankees.

                        4. re: lynnlato

                          Have you ever tried a combo of 80%mayo/10%ketchup/!0% mustard for french fries? I think this is what the old fast food Artic Circle Restaurant served with their fries. I'm hooked.

                      2. I am a lifetime dieter who loves mayonnaise (Best Foods) west of the Rockies.

                        Cut the mayo with mustard. Keep increasing the amount of mustard ratio to the mayo. It works. I have made tuna salad with just mustard.

                        1. I love mayonnaise!

                          I didn't think I'd ever switch from Duke's or Hellman's, but I am very, very happy with Veganaise. I like their grapeseed variety best. Slightly different texture, a little less calories and no cholesterol.


                          1 Reply
                          1. re: meatn3

                            I agree with you on Vegenaise. I was hesitant to try it, but I actually think it tastes better than regular mayo. It's amazing on a sandwich. I always buy the grapeseed oil one too.

                          2. massive mayo fan here, chips (english lingo for fries), tomato sandwiches, fried fish, eggs (obviously - and I frequent spoon mayo onto a hard boiled egg), tuna and mayo are an obvious pairing, chicken salad, I just love the stuff. Recently discovered Duke's which beats Hellmans hands down.

                            1. I too am a Mayo addict....extra on everything even before I taste it...

                              This won't be much help...but this is my favorite story...about 8 years ago..

                              My friend Jill and I went to Disneyworld...we call it the "All You Can Eat Mayo Trip".

                              Everywhere they had mayo...and no, not the packets...in the pumps like Mustard and Ketchup...

                              Breakfast...where they were selling Fried Chicken....no reason to provide Mayo...

                              But we loved it and ate it on everything......

                              I digress to present time....but I still remember it....

                              2 Replies
                              1. re: christy1122

                                LOL! I love it- finding nirvana wherever you are!

                                1. re: christy1122

                                  lol oh yes "all you can eat mayo" trip for me was Japan -- they found even better ways to put mayo everywhere! and since my travel buddies did not appreciate it on their "cream cheese" toast and the like I was the lucky receiver of many such goodies. Maybe I should just move there and be happy ^-^

                                2. Growing up we never had mayo in the house. it was a totally foreign object. Maybe that had something to do with being Jewish. I don't know many Jews who would put mayo on a pastrami sandwich. I didn't have potato salad until I was in college.

                                  Just realize that everytime you add mayo, you are tasting less of the featured ingredients.

                                  You need to break out of your rut - try some things you haven't had - or not in a long time. SInce I don't know what that is, let me just say you should go to an ethnic market and get foods you don't usually eat. Anything from matzoh with gefilte fish to Indian curries to tropical fruits. If you haven't bought a fresh pineapple or mango or cherries in a while, get some. Or a jar of pickles,. You can snack on those.

                                  The main thing is to get out of your rut.

                                  4 Replies
                                  1. re: Steve

                                    Jewish here too but we had mayo. And I am in my 50s.

                                    1. re: smartie

                                      That's ok as long as you don't ask for your hot pastrami sandwich slathered in mayo.

                                      You could get kicked out of the club.

                                      1. re: Steve

                                        so true :) but you have to keep mayo in the house for other purposes - you can't have a Reuben (or a Rachel) without Russian dressing!

                                        1. re: goodhealthgourmet

                                          Mayo is halfway to Russian dressing and certainly goes well with pastrami. Also in the cole slaw that belongs on the sandwich.

                                  2. Not actually an addict, but i'm so glad to finally see a thread populated by people who actually like mayo!

                                    I ws shocked to see so many hates on one of the "I can't stand ___" threads, it really shocked me. Then t lunch one day at work I got some mayo packets because i'd brought celery and wanted a wee stripe of mayo down the middle, and got a snarly "Ewwwwwwwwww- you like mayo?" from one of the group, which in retrospect- oh never mind, I just didn't realize that to some people mayo was the Antichrist. I like it on a bunch of things- a whole bunch of things. Something I learned from some childhood friends, get some lettuce (romaine's especially good) and put a piece of bologna on it, then top with a mixture of mayo and mustard, and some pepper. Roll up and taste the glory.

                                    Alternatives? Maybe a couple- try the neufchatel cream cheese, not a substitute but good in its own right even compared to cream cheese and fewer calories than mayo.
                                    For me, a bleu cheese is always good, not similar, but if you love it, a substitute.

                                    Anybody know if mascarpone is lower in calories or fat than mayo?

                                    11 Replies
                                      1. re: enbell

                                        @enbell, the info from caloriecount isn't quite accurate...as is often the case with that site, in my experience. those numbers for mascarpone are for an OUNCE, not a tablespoon. but the mayo info is correct.

                                        @EWS, a tablespoon of mascarpone will save you about 25 calories and 3 grams of fat over the same quantity of mayo.

                                        1. re: enbell

                                          So much for that theory. Thanks for the info, though.

                                        2. re: EWSflash

                                          Yeah, there is a contingent out there that truly dislikes the moist, eggy, lemony, smoothness that is mayonnaise. I can't fathom it. They seem to break down into two types: ones who genuinely dislike mayo, usually due to the texture (huh?), and Luddites, who dislike mayonnaise but love Miracle Whip. I feel sorry for the latter, who were obviously entrapped in their youth when anything sweet triumphed over anything less sweet.

                                          A new type seems to have been added recently: those who were normal, mayonnaise-loving people until the health police arrested them and they were sent to reeducation camps where aversion conditioning was used to make them hate anything with salt or fat. I live with such a person, who seems completely normal in all other aspects of her life, but EWSflash, as you so well put it, regards mayo as the Antichrist. And she was normal until about five years ago.

                                          As to Olia's question (the OP), substitutes for mayonnaise depend on what you are trying to do. Mayonnaise is the Esperanto of foods. It goes with practically everything, despite their wildly different flavor profiles. So, if you want something that will also go with a disparate group of foods, i would recommend full fat (amazing that I have to specify nowadays) sour cream. It works with savory and sweet dishes and has the same sort of non-intrusive flavor as mayo.

                                          If the food police have gotten to you and you are really concerned about calories, then a full fat Greek-style yogurt, such a Fage or Cabot's Greek Style, will work well for you.

                                          1. re: gfr1111

                                            I guess I want to stop my sole reliance on mayo to add flavor to things -- it is a great condiment but I suspect it also overwhelms a lot of things.
                                            The accessibility and availability of it is what makes it such an easy thing to get addicted to -- how often do they have sides of yogurt, or mascarpone, or what have you?

                                            Thank you all who replied (and HI to fellow addicts), there are great suggestions for substitutions (and quite a few of new mayo uses ::woe is me:: ^___^)


                                            1. re: gfr1111

                                              >They seem to break down into two types: ones who genuinely dislike mayo, usually due to the texture (huh?)

                                              I find the texture of mayo gag-inducing and that it ruins the flavor of the meat on a sandwich for me. Like, I will literally gag if someone puts mayo on a sandwich and doesn't tell me before I take a bite.

                                              That said, I love things like chicken salad, potato salad, slaw - provided the mayo is basically there lightly as a binding agent and not turning the salad into a gloppy mess. I tend to like salty/peppery/bitter flavors better than the soft of bland sour nothingness of mayo.

                                            2. re: EWSflash

                                              The thickness and creaminess are why I put mayo on so much stuff. Good mustard is a good change of paste but if you put it on thick so its not too dry you often can overpower the flavor. I also like cream cheese on a sandwich instead of mayo but your not saving calories there.

                                              1. re: Shann

                                                "" Good mustard is a good change of paste..."""

                                                shann, wasn't that a very apropos freudian slip, perhaps?

                                                1. re: alkapal

                                                  Ha. I hadn't clicked on this thread in a long time and forgotten that I had posted. The slip of the finger was pretty appropriate huh?

                                            3. My name is Peg and I am a mayo addict.
                                              The only cure I know is to go cold turkey.
                                              Honestly - I never buy the stuff now - if I'm entertaining I may make some from scratch, but I don't buy jarred mayo anymore, ever. If I had a jar in the house I'd find something to eat it with, it is just not safe from my greedy addiction. Anything is improved by mayo - a dollop in a bowl of veggie stew makes it so rich and creamy, raw veg is just naked without it...
                                              Dang, where's that yummy creamy healthy Greek yogurt...

                                              10 Replies
                                              1. re: Peg

                                                Cold turkey? Mayo is utterly delicious on cold turkey! Absolutely transforms it... Anyone who's trying to get me off mayonnaise had better not even MENTION cold turkey, or the cause is lost right there.

                                                1. re: Will Owen

                                                  This use alone justifies pushing the dark meat at the Thanksgiving table, to reserve as much of the breast meat as possible for leftover turkey mayo sandwiches. (I sneak some cranberry relish in there, too. But then, that use of relish with its tart sweetness could be a gateway taste the use of Miracle Whip. Straight Duke's is my drug of choice.)

                                                  1. re: Will Owen

                                                    oh yeah, cold turkey with mayo! in avocado season, add slices and some bacon (or bacon salt).

                                                    and to all you miracle whip haters, there is a fond place in my heart for a salad my sister used to make: a chopped summer tomato and iceberg salad simply mixed with miracle whip, salt and pepper. you know, it *is* known as "salad dressing."

                                                    1. re: alkapal

                                                      Turkey, green chile and mayo sandwiches; my fave. Avacado doesn't hurt either.

                                                        1. re: EWSflash

                                                          Green chile and mayo anything are a pretty good combo. We get our green chile cheeseburgers w/ mayo. Hold the mustard and ketchup, please. And extra mayo for the fries, please.

                                                    2. re: Will Owen

                                                      I am so right there with you, Will...cold-sliced turkey breast spread with mayo, salt and heavy pepper...I could eat a pound at a sitting without thinking about it.

                                                      1. re: mamachef

                                                        make a sandwich for me too please, that's one of my all time, all my life, favorites...................
                                                        but I'm talking my own home baked from scratch turkey, none of this package nonsense

                                                        1. re: iL Divo

                                                          Oh no. no no no no no. Packaged turkey is slimy and falls under the heading of notfood. Home-roasted turkey, on the other hand, is juicy, salty, roasty, deep and real-tasting, with a rim of delicious deep-brown skin if you're lucky and I haven't gotten there first. To Pdk: Sliced Turkey, melted pepperjack and green chile on butter-grilled sourdough. Whoever gets there first gets the biggest half, and I warn you, I am short, mean and fast. Elbows allowed.

                                                        2. re: mamachef

                                                          Gotta have green chile; a match made in hot heaven.

                                                    3. I eat it by the spoonful right out of the jar.

                                                      1. Love it. Impossible to eat any kind of sandwich without it. I'm not a big fan of ketchup, mustard is fine, but if it's between or on bread, bring on the mayo.

                                                        Sorry, that wasn't helpful, but it seemed to fit how the conversation was tending.

                                                        2 Replies
                                                        1. re: occula

                                                          The subversion was actually there in the first reply. I hope Olia has more willpower than she professed in her post.

                                                          Last night, my boyfriend brought home fries from the local stand. They sell little containers of sauce that bear elegant enough names, but bear little resemblance to those actual sauces. "Why can't they just admit it?" I asked my boyfriend. "Your condiments come in to choices, mayo mixed with garlic, or mayo mixed with pickle relish." "Not that I'm complaining," I added hastily. And I wasn't, because it was sooo good.

                                                          1. re: onceadaylily

                                                            Ooh, mayo mixed with pickle relish sounds exactly like my 'homemade tartar sauce' recipe. :)

                                                        2. A Short Quiz to See if You are REALLY a Mayo Addict.

                                                          1) The addiction often begins by licking the knife clean of mayo after making the sandwich. Guilty?

                                                          2) You check the status of the number of foil mayo packets at the fastfood condiment bar, whether you are going to steal any this time or not.

                                                          3) If refrigerator space becomes critical, the first thing you remove to make room is the jar of mayo, since you know you will finish the jar before it goes bad.

                                                          4) You have never had a single bit of your homemade mayo get moldy on top, because it's eaten in days.

                                                          5) You have made secret arrangements with a friend in the restaurant business to provide you with a push-down hand pump dispenser to screw onto that gallon mayo jug you buy at wholesale.

                                                          6) You make a permanent place for said jar on the dining table, even if means your wife has to move her flower arrangement. Keep the fruit bowl, as Elvis taught us that bananas go great with mayo in his PBB sandwich.)

                                                          7) When selecting vegetables at the markets, you find yourself quietly evaluating which veggies might go best with mayo.

                                                          8) The sound of a sandwich knife dropping into an empty jar can awaken you at 50 paces.

                                                          9) How early in life did you beg to be the first to open the new jar of mayo, to dip your finger into that beautiful top curl?

                                                          10) You have arrived late in the week to the grocery store featuring 2 for 1 Duke's mayo, and they double coupons, and you have 12 coupons which you have traded for in a coupon network. The store is out of stock, and has a "no raincheck" policy. Rate your reaction below.
                                                          a) I say nothing and accept the situation.
                                                          b) I ask for a manager, in hopes he will make an exception.
                                                          c) I tell him I'll call his corporate office.
                                                          d) The manager has to use his belt radio to call store security.
                                                          e) Store security has to call the police.

                                                          Please chime in with some more.

                                                          7 Replies
                                                          1. re: FoodFuser

                                                            there is no such thing as too much mayo even when you know you've overmayoed the tuna or egg salad.

                                                            when the jar is almost empty and the spoon gets right to the bottom and mayo smears over your hand (which is virtually in the jar) it has to be licked off.

                                                            1. re: FoodFuser

                                                              food fuser, that, my dear, is a classic.

                                                              and...i think you beat me at finagling the pump for your gallon jug of table-top mayo.


                                                              """""""10) You have arrived late in the week to the grocery store featuring 2 for 1 Duke's mayo, and they double coupons, and you have 12 coupons which you have traded for in a coupon network. The store is out of stock, and has a "no raincheck" policy. Rate your reaction below.
                                                              a) I say nothing and accept the situation.
                                                              b) I ask for a manager, in hopes he will make an exception.
                                                              c) I tell him I'll call his corporate office.
                                                              d) The manager has to use his belt radio to call store security.
                                                              e) Store security has to call the police.""""""

                                                              i want to let you know, you never talk to the police without counsel. i'll be right out.

                                                              1. re: alkapal

                                                                Thanks, alkapal, but I am merely one voice at the oracle that "spreads" the word about the addiction... be it the belly of Delphi or the belly of Dukes. I fear for those who disdain Dukes, in choosing Hellmans, as the eponymous "Hell"mans may come back to greet them in the afterlife. When they see that Charon has a jar of Dukes, with spoon, attached to his lantern staff as he ferries them across the river Styx, they may tremble.

                                                                1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                  Eat Olde Cape Cod and you'll understand why the Pilgrims believed in heaven!

                                                                  1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                    "When they see that Charon has a jar of Dukes, with spoon, attached to his lantern staff as he ferries them across the river Styx..." Yes, that's exactly where I'd expect to see it - going to Hell!

                                                                    Seriously, it is okay. I think better than Kraft's. But I have more than one serious cookbook with recipes that specify, "Mayonnaise (homemade or Hellman's)", and that's pretty much my attitude.

                                                                    1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                      But but but , it is Best Foods here and it is Best.

                                                                      1. re: laliz

                                                                        Yeah, I love Best foods, but on th advice of this thread I tried Kewpie mayo, and it iss VERY good. Also, the squishy bottle makes it much easier to get the mayo out of the container.

                                                                2. re The Japanese addicts:

                                                                  Are you addict enough to buy this web domain?

                                                                  She cares enough to have pics of over 100 world mayos. I sent her these to add to her collection.




                                                                  Anyone have any others to send to her?

                                                                  Fun google thread:


                                                                  1. when i was a kid, and mom or grandmother made chicken soup, the chicken would be eaten separately dipped in mayo. it was good, with the remnant mositure from the chicken broth.

                                                                    a possible substitute if you're looking to go lighter and protein-y is 0% greek yogurt... no it's not the same, but it's something...

                                                                    1. I practice inappropriate use of condiments. ;) Count me in the mayo-addict ranks, I think mayo and sriracha are my two favorites, and often appear together. I do buy the Hellmans light though, its how I justify it. I also have a horseradish mayo in the fridge that I dole out in small doses.

                                                                      I thought on this topic one day when I caught myself putting mayo on top of chili, and have been known to swirl a little into soups. Just occasional everyday stuff though. Mayo gets mixed into and on top of eggs (not at the same time). A combo of mayo and sriracha makes a damn fine dip for popcorn or chips in a pinch IMHO.

                                                                      I will add that my love also extends to tartar sauce (not the sweet kind), which is a must for fries for me.

                                                                      7 Replies
                                                                      1. re: im_nomad

                                                                        OMG mayo is sooo good with sriracha! (also mustard, horseradish, ketchup, jerk spice, etc)
                                                                        last night I put it into mashed potatoes and I swear its just better!

                                                                        1. re: olia

                                                                          Glad you found the trick on mashed potatoes. A little mayo, a little butter... somehow it goes farther in mouthfeel than the same calorie equivalent of just butter.

                                                                          1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                            baked potatoes are also good with mayo - I tell myself it's less fattening than butter!

                                                                          2. re: olia

                                                                            Don't forget mayo with chipotle in adobo... did anyone mention mayo and wasabi? Try it with Worcestershire and a little squeeze of lime or lemon. Or cut with plain fat free yogurt. See, it can even be healthy.

                                                                            I love mayo in any and every combination. If I can't get Trader Joe's Organic then I revert to Hellman's. However, as anonymouse said upthread.. everything in moderation. Yeah. That's the ticket.

                                                                            1. re: Gio

                                                                              Oh i've been definitely cutting mayo with some sour cream (it is lower in fat i think, and of course milder in flavor) and yogurt for dips, salad dressings (russian style salad w/no lettuce just tomatoes, cukes, and herbs), etc.

                                                                              but i'm coming to the conclusion that mayo is pretty perfect and can be used in so many ways, that breaking the addiction (short of acquiring an extreme aversion, but who wants that to any food) is just modifying it's use o_O

                                                                              1. re: Gio

                                                                                I do a mayo and horseradish powder that is very similar to wasabi. I've once added some green food coloring, and it tastes identical. (Remember that most commercial wasabis are just horseradish and green dye, because the native plant is so expensive).

                                                                                Got on a Kewpie Kick recently, and started adding a pinch of msg to the mayo. Yep... Kewpie. It is simply awesome. Given the nature of this thread geared to "addiction", adding msg may best be avoided by those who fear they are near the precipice.

                                                                                1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                  I thought I was being oh so authentic buying a small jar of green wasabi powder from Spice House, I think it was. Not long afterward I read about the green horseradish. I haven't used it since. WRT MSG: I had this irrational fear of it, having always been told it was too salty and since I'm supposed to use very little salt...I believed it. Then I learned about umami.

                                                                          3. I'm so sorry I can't help you with your delicious, delicious addiction, olia... BUT I just thought of this and I'm so glad I did. Put mayo on the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich instead of buttering it before it goes into the pan. You can really slather it on, it spreads easier than butter, it makes the bread crispy and crunchy without making it greasy.

                                                                            And then, if you're like my family, you dip your grilled cheese in...? No, not mayo, sorry. Cocktail sauce. DUH. ;)

                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                            1. re: LauraGrace

                                                                              Many a diner has increased profit margin, and gained followers, through the use of mayo on grilled bread. True story.

                                                                              1. re: onceadaylily

                                                                                So true. I as a cook in a deli in college back in the 80's and we used mayo on all the griddled bread. There was nothing special to set apart the ingredients we used in the reubens, but I sure did love them and eat many of them.

                                                                            2. olia, i'm somewhat hesitant to encourage your addiction, but i just spotted the following piece while leafing through the May issue of Cooking Light magazine and immediately thought of this thread!


                                                                              1. olia,

                                                                                poor thing, you are asking for help in getting rid of a food addiction, instead 90 percent of the replies are encouraging it.

                                                                                i like mayo, i find i like mayo on things i never thought of putting it on. but just because i like it, doesn't mean i have to have it. i do think that the only way to get past something like this is cold turkey. putting lots of butter on a sandwich instead of mayo isn't the way to go. finding out that a turkey sandwich can taste great with some lowfat ranch dressing or some thick yogurt, or even hummus is much better. but be aware that these may give the food the moistness, they are not going to replace the mouth feel of mayo. believe it or not i actually know people who find that feeling rather nauseating, they liken it to eating slime.

                                                                                im guessing that if you go cold turkey for three to six months you will find that there are lots of foods that taste really really good witihout mayo. that you can enjoy vegetables (even raw ones) without it.

                                                                                it's not quite the same thing, but i was a cola addict, six-pack a day habit. went a year without. now i allow myself a coke when i really want a coke, not just when im thirsty. i enjoy each one a whole lot more now. why did i stop? i didn't need the extra calories, i was not actually enjoying it as much as needing it, and i didn't want food (or drink) to control me. i need to be the one in control, not the food. try avoiding dishes that require mayo (potato/egg/macaroni/chicken salad), don't put it on things that don't require it, and focus on the fresher sharper taste of the foods without.

                                                                                1. Short form: a man whose favorite after-midnight snack is a chunk of supermarket mozzarella skewered on a small cooking fork and dipped in Hellman's does NOT need to be trying to help this poor soul out of his or her misery.

                                                                                  4 Replies
                                                                                  1. re: Will Owen

                                                                                    oh wow, even I couldn't do cheese and mayo (at least dipped like that), I always have to scream in delis to not put mayo near cheese side of any sandwich (because face it every sandwich needs mayo but not next to cheese ::shudder::) -- maybe I can cultivate that aversion ^-^

                                                                                    1. re: olia

                                                                                      LOL at this... my dad has the same aversion. Whenever someone else makes him a sandwich, they have to remember that the meat goes on the mayo side, and the cheese goes on the mustard side! Reverse them at your own peril!

                                                                                    2. re: Will Owen

                                                                                      Will Owen have you been peeping again? I've done that late night snack thing a time or two. Did you char the cheese just a little?

                                                                                      1. re: Gio

                                                                                        No char; I eat it alive and screaming. BWAH-ha-haaaaaa...!

                                                                                        In the Owen family, from time immemorial, the cheese side of the sandwich is EXACTLY where the mayo goes. From day one my sandwiches were made: bread, butter, mustard, meat, cheese, lettuce if any, mayo, bread. When I began making my own, I continued the tradition, and so it is to this day. Any pickle or onion has to get stuck in the mayo as well; it's where they BELONG.

                                                                                    3. I finally gave in and bought the mondo jar of Hellman's at Costco for my mom.
                                                                                      She was running out when I just bought the usual size at the grocery a couple times a month. When I saw how much she puts on a sandwich, or how she dips veggies into the jar, I understood the depth of her addiction. Seriously, I think she eats maybe a quarter cup a day. That's some serious mayo.

                                                                                      I used to hate the stuff as a kid, but it's grown on me. I try to limit myself to a tablespoon when I make a protein based salad (chicken, egg, etc.) When I make sandwiches, I mix it half and half with dijon mustard, which some chefs apparently think is sacrilege. I kind of like it.

                                                                                      1. wow thanks so much for all the replies! I have gotten many more ideas on how to use it but in more flavorful ways (mixing w/other condiments etc.)
                                                                                        one note of progress is that I have successfully substituted mashed up avocado (salt/pepper/lime/hot sauce) on a grilled chicken and a sandwich over the weekend...not sure if it actually tasted as good or I just felt great for being more "virtuous" ^-^

                                                                                        Thanks again!!!

                                                                                        1. Hey, I take solace in the fact that I am a mayo junkie and not a ketchup addict. I enjoy making my own mayos especially w/ fresh lime juice. Yesterday on Memorial Day, I had the traditional hot dog w/ mayo and fresh mango, the burger w/ mayo and green chile. I simply can not imagine a Maine lobster or crab roll w/out mayo binding. (Yea, yea, I know about the CT hot butter lobster rolls, but that's like putting ketchup on a hot dog.) Chipotle mayo on a fish taco = yum. Aeoli is, is, is, well, French garlic mayo. I like aeoli on my Freedom Fries.
                                                                                          Today's sandwich? Turkey, green chile and......mayo!
                                                                                          Carpe Chow

                                                                                          6 Replies
                                                                                          1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                            hell yeah! i take mayo in all its forms, all i oli (which took for me only one taste to recognize as beloved aioli), will try making my own tonight o_O (no even planning on getting any food stuffs to use it with cause everything but the cat is game)

                                                                                            1. re: olia

                                                                                              In South Korea mayo can be had on pizza.

                                                                                              1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                                You'd probably love the Japanese Okinomayaki, a pancake with cabbage and vegetables, often served where you sit at a teppanyaki grill and make it yourself from the batter and veggies provided.

                                                                                                There's a traditional brown sauce, to be followed with mayo.

                                                                                                In this pic, the object at 12 oclock is an exhausted squeeze bottle of Kewpie mayo. The presentation is de rigeur.


                                                                                                1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                  Yum! I enjoy and am amused by the the uses of mayo in Asian cuisines. No tradition.

                                                                                                  1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                                    About the pic, I forgot to add: In the southern hemisphere (ie the Japanese in Peru) the twirl is reversed, due to the Coriolis effect.

                                                                                            2. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                              I was really surprised in a thread many months ago that so many people hate mayonnaise! I'm really glad to see a mayo-loving thread. I'm not powerless against it, but I think the world would be a lesser place without it. When it's right, it's SO right.

                                                                                            3. I'm addicted to mayonnaise. And I'm a "pusher," too; getting others addicted as well.

                                                                                              You can say whatever you want about sour cream, even mascarpone but a good homemade mayonnaise beats anything else of its type.

                                                                                              I'm so bad I keep a jar of Hellman's in the fridge and put it on everything. *Never* pastrami, but yeah, once in awhile ham and cheese. I'm not beyond just putting mayo, salt and pepper on a wedge of iceberg lettuce and eating that. I'll sprinkle some gorgonzola if I have it hanging around.

                                                                                              The Cantonese make these deep-fried shrimp balls wrapped in bacon... they're coated with dough and let cool to room temp and they serve it with mayonnaise. Rich.

                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                              1. re: shaogo

                                                                                                <"I'm not beyond just putting mayo, salt and pepper on a wedge of iceberg lettuce and eating that. I'll sprinkle some gorgonzola if I have it hanging around.">

                                                                                                OMgoodness another peeper. When I crave a snack that's one of three of my favorites.

                                                                                                1. re: Gio

                                                                                                  This is why iceberg lettuce is sold.

                                                                                                  A wedge, with the coarsest pepper applied to one face, then whacked a few times to send the pepper inside, then pepper reapplied, whacked again. Seal that face with a tight-scraped sheen of mayo to hold the pepper in.

                                                                                                  The other face gets the same pepper treatment, but this one gets the heavy mayo, pre-mixed with crumbled Stilton (my blue), then sprinkled with more Stilton to adhere to the top.

                                                                                                  If eaten carefully, there is very little mess on the fingers, and it can be licked off. And if you don't lick it off, then what the heck are you doing on the addict thread?

                                                                                              2. Watch the Russell Crowe movie, "A Beautiful Mind." He's never interested in food at all... at the end, while he's recovering, he hands a sandwich from the lunch his wife packed him to a student who's approached him, and says "My wife - she loves mayonnaise."

                                                                                                1. As I take my personal inventory, I recognize a crucial moment at an early stage of my addiction.

                                                                                                  College age... student trip to Paris... 40 picky eaters. As a budget trip, the meals were fixed menu. One night in an average bistro, coq au vin was followed by a course of eggs mayonnaise. Which meant that each diner was served a saucer with a halved boiled egg (perfectly set yolk) and a mound of mayonnaise next to the egg.

                                                                                                  I had never seen homemade mayo before. It was glossy, yellowish, with a texture divine. As I set in with my fork, I became aware of lots of people who were not pleased with the idea of eating mayo, and slid their saucers aside. I rallied the troops and within two minutes there were almost 20 saucers before me. This was before I had seen the egg scene in Cool Hand Luke. As I worked my way through the saucers, I realized that it was the mayo I was after more so than the egg.

                                                                                                  Mea Culpa Mea Carpe Mayo Totum.

                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                  1. A limerical eulogy, nay... a tribute, for Michael, the addicted Mayohead in many of us.

                                                                                                    There once was an addict named Michael
                                                                                                    who had gone through the mayohead cycle.
                                                                                                    Each time he would try
                                                                                                    To eat his fries dry
                                                                                                    His bod craved a mayo debacle.

                                                                                                    He ate mayo on foods we can't mention.
                                                                                                    Then his family called intervention.
                                                                                                    They were tired of meals sleazed
                                                                                                    Where his chin got all greased
                                                                                                    And upset manners and good convention.

                                                                                                    The problem was Mayo, you see...
                                                                                                    It started out innocently.
                                                                                                    Just a dunk, for his fries,
                                                                                                    or spread on meat pies,
                                                                                                    For years he'd imbibed with glee.

                                                                                                    He found more ways than you could imagine
                                                                                                    to apply that grand oil emulsion
                                                                                                    No day was complete
                                                                                                    Without Mayo to eat,
                                                                                                    And his waistband was slowly a bulgin'.

                                                                                                    When the doctors examined his diet
                                                                                                    They found there was room to be pliant.
                                                                                                    If he'd "walk off" the fat
                                                                                                    that the Mayo begat
                                                                                                    there would still be some ways he could try it.

                                                                                                    So now each morning Michael arises
                                                                                                    to specific mayo exercises.
                                                                                                    The calories expended
                                                                                                    take his belly distended
                                                                                                    below the old level of crisis.

                                                                                                    He walks with a smile right in place
                                                                                                    'cause he knows that he's going to displace
                                                                                                    Those calories burned
                                                                                                    with calories earned
                                                                                                    When mayo again coats his face.

                                                                                                    It's a miracle, truly: constraint.
                                                                                                    It has powered most every true saint.
                                                                                                    While the Gift of the Magi
                                                                                                    wasn't mayo-smeared meat pie.....
                                                                                                    Love this 'mulsified gift, with restraint.

                                                                                                    7 Replies
                                                                                                    1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                      That was wonderful, *applauding*! You're killing me.

                                                                                                                1. at long last, i have found my people!


                                                                                                                  and yes, i even put it on pastrami.

                                                                                                                  5 Replies
                                                                                                                  1. re: Jelly71

                                                                                                                    Here in Chicago, you have to get the goods to go from the deli, take it home, and assemble it in secret. With the lights off.

                                                                                                                    Not that I do that.

                                                                                                                    1. re: onceadaylily

                                                                                                                      I am saddened to think of all that fumbling in the dark, to keep the urban deli myth alive.

                                                                                                                      Breathe deep.. be brave... and step forth to join us into the enveloping illuminatti of the mayonatti.

                                                                                                                        1. re: onceadaylily

                                                                                                                          I proudly count myself one of the mayonatti.

                                                                                                                          1. re: EWSflash

                                                                                                                            Let the Light of the Kewpie Doll shine.

                                                                                                                  2. Lest we think that WE are the only ones with a problem....

                                                                                                                    Consider this restaurant in Japan, dedicated to mayo based recipes.

                                                                                                                    Several pics, one of which is of a refrigerator full of "Keeps". In Japan, a "keep" is a bottle of liquor that the customer buys, and is kept on the display shelf along with those of the other regular customers. Used on each visit, it cements a relationship between the customer and the proprietor. In this case, instead of liquor, it is squeeze bottles of the national Kewpie Mayo.

                                                                                                                    And finally note the last pic, where a mayohead has totally come out of the closet.


                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                    1. Someone sent me this link, and I believe that this might be the appropriate place to pass it along.


                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                      1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                        That was one terrifying mayo-baby. I'm probably going to see that one in a nightmare or two.

                                                                                                                      2. I'm currently on a low fat diet. I can't have much in the way of egg yolk.

                                                                                                                        I made my own mayo subbing yolks with whites and Dijon. Worked quite well.

                                                                                                                        It's not quite right when it's on it's own but I made tuna salad with it and it was fantastic.


                                                                                                                        3 Replies
                                                                                                                        1. re: Davwud

                                                                                                                          Just don't drink light beer! It's un-Canadian. I'll tell Red Green!

                                                                                                                          1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                                                            Can't drink beer at all right now.


                                                                                                                            1. re: Davwud

                                                                                                                              I don't diet, just increase my exercise! Priorities.

                                                                                                                        2. Just no mayo & avocado and call it guacamole. Avocado sauce is okay, though.

                                                                                                                          3 Replies
                                                                                                                          1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                                                            I have mayo occasionally. On a BLT, a roast beef sandwich, and mixed with ketchup on a burger. I grew up with Hellman's, but the best I've had is Admiration. It's a food service brand that you can't get in supermarkets. From a small N.J. company that makes excellent mustards and salad dressings.

                                                                                                                            1. re: hotdoglover

                                                                                                                              admiration also makes the very good quality vegetable oil they use at our favorite indian restaurant. i even asked the chef the name of the brand. and yes, unfortunately, i can't buy it retail.

                                                                                                                              1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                In N.J. there is one place you can buy Admiration products without a membership. That's Karis in Newark across the street from Best Provisions. It's also available at Restaurant Depot. I forgot about their cooking oils. I see the boxes labelled Admiration that the oil comes in at restaurants all over. Five Guys uses their peanut oil.

                                                                                                                          2. Ahhh mayo. I love the stuff. LOVE. Have you ever had a pickle dipped in mayo? OMG delicious. Chicken nuggets, french fries, potato chips, potatoes, heck...pretty much everything tastes delicious dipped in mayo. My boyfriend doesn't eat mayo (I know, I don't understand either...) so I keep a bottle of the stuff in his fridge, and eat it on everything. I am sure this contributes to the spare tire I like to carry around my waist, but hey, curvy is in! So, I eat my mayo (and I do try to limit it somewhat. I try not to eat it every day.

                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                            1. re: milkyway4679

                                                                                                                              You boyfriend doesn't eat mayo????? "Too Many Fish in Sea"!

                                                                                                                            2. Buta mayo donburi. A bowl of rice, then a layer of shredded mayo'd cabbage, then stir fried pork, then mayo.


                                                                                                                              1. Mayo never held an attraction for me. Ne'er understood it. Nope. Sandwich Spread - that's my poison. It's not common. Usually in the mayo section. Not all markets stock it. When asked to describe it, sometimes I'll say it's kinda like Miracle Whip, but not the same. Or, like mayo plus relish. Some brands of tartar sauce come close to it. I grew up on it, slathering it all over my bologna sandwiches. Still crave it after all these years.

                                                                                                                                3 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: nooyawka

                                                                                                                                  like this one? sounds like miracle whip plus pickles in reading the ingredients. http://www.aviglatt.com/Product.asp?i...

                                                                                                                                  1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                    Yup, that's it. Love the tangy sweetness.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: nooyawka

                                                                                                                                      it is a good sandwich spread. it is pretty versatile with the meats you can use it with, too. nice on the sandwich with a crunchy lettuce adjunct, too. right now, i'm thinking of a roast turkey sandwich!

                                                                                                                                2. Someone in the thread mentioned "Veganaise." May I mention "J&D's Baconnaise?" Although the label says, "It's even kosher and safe for vegetarians," the label goes on to say it contains eggs, which may not fit in with all vegetarians' regimens. But when I gave up pork (and obviously bacon), the Chowhound discussion of alternatives mentioned this product and I really like it as a spread. But if it contains eggs, I am nervous when they advise, "Do not refrigerate after opening." I saw some Hellmans on a restaurant table on our vacation a few weeks ago, and was also skeptical when I read that it, too, did not need refrigeration after opening. A separate issue for another day. Mayo lovers, you may enjoy this Baconnaise stuff.

                                                                                                                                  1. oh listen I've been known to tell the kids that I think mayonnaise should be a registered food group, that's how much I love mayo. I literally buy it around the world so I can bring it home and taste the difference, how's that for nuts?

                                                                                                                                    1. I'd forgotten about this thread.
                                                                                                                                      I can't read all the comments but believe you are
                                                                                                                                      serious about your dependence on mayo. Have you found a solution?

                                                                                                                                      1. Hey, I feel your pain. I too love the mayo and there's nothing wrong with it! I say let the mayo flow. You cant beat that beautiful texture and simple perfect ingredients.

                                                                                                                                        1. i made some homemade ranch dressing yesterday, with buttermilk, sour cream and duke's mayo. i served it on a salad of arugula, baby spinach and mesclun, with trader joe's organic pea shoots and carrot matchsticks. it was so refreshing in this cold weather, where i'm tiring of "comfort foods" -- well, at least for the time being. i was craving "green."

                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                          1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                            I too crave 'green'.
                                                                                                                                            I too love Dukes.
                                                                                                                                            and to a certain post I just read, not yours alka, I'm nodding toward perfunctory................. *)))

                                                                                                                                            1. re: iL Divo

                                                                                                                                              "Perfunctory" seems that we need calibration
                                                                                                                                              within deep oiled swell of the mayo-naise nation.

                                                                                                                                              Arugula launches taste buds just like a rocket
                                                                                                                                              and pea shoots have crunch and the twirl of their tendrils
                                                                                                                                              If raw spinach is involved
                                                                                                                                              I'm fully enthralled

                                                                                                                                              All those greens get a fork-tip of a mayo-based dressing.

                                                                                                                                          2. Much to my wife's horror, I dress my broccoli with mayo. And I still occasionally enjoy a peanut butter and mayo (hold the banana, please) sandwich (on Arnold's or Pepperidge Farm white, of course.)

                                                                                                                                            1. I grew up on Miracle Whip, but my neighbor lady from New York always used Hellman's mayo and I always wished my mom would buy it. Once I moved out of my house, I never touched mayo (or margarine) again.

                                                                                                                                              I hoard mayo. I have to have two jars at all times. One open and one in waiting.

                                                                                                                                              1. Mayo on fries...the most decadent thing ever, but I loves me some. Especially FRENCH mayo and fries. Oh man...that hint of mustard in the French mayo my sister brought back for me from Dijon...I'm not even a regular mustard fan, but it gave just the right amount of zing to the mayo and fries.

                                                                                                                                                1. There's a tangent relationship which we must apprise
                                                                                                                                                  Twixt the dance of good Mayo and really good Fries.

                                                                                                                                                  Please consider that both
                                                                                                                                                  might give gift contrapuntal
                                                                                                                                                  as we dip deep fried shards
                                                                                                                                                  down deep in the mayo.

                                                                                                                                                  But here to the basic
                                                                                                                                                  C'mon now let''s face it
                                                                                                                                                  as we draw forth a strand of potato
                                                                                                                                                  that has been perfectly marvelously fried.

                                                                                                                                                  Glistening, even Listening
                                                                                                                                                  that deep-fried potato
                                                                                                                                                  gives moment to how we'll apply it to lips.

                                                                                                                                                  Thank God and the Heavens,
                                                                                                                                                  that prior to the frying
                                                                                                                                                  I did a bit of emulsifying
                                                                                                                                                  and made Mayo with glossy and gossamer leavens.

                                                                                                                                                  So, to where to direct this batch of good fries?
                                                                                                                                                  The answer is one-by-one down to Mayo,

                                                                                                                                                  1. i thought i'd posted here already but perhaps it was some other mayo thread..... hmmmph - putting mayo on things - i GUESS you're all mayo lovers!....i, however, enjoy it right out of the jar, from spoon to mouth. and i'm not even talking about particularly good mayo - i live in no. cal. and yes, i've had kewpie in my fridge on occasion (and once a terrible mass produced olive oil mayo) but the standard is Best Foods. big creamy goodness unadulterated by other ingredients! ( : i am going to try to pick up some Duke's when in Austin over NYE.

                                                                                                                                                    1. The best part of making mayonnaise is licking the bowl. Also, when feeling guilty about dubious nutritional content, don't forget the counterbalancing psychic nutrients in mayonnaise. If that doesn't work, about 1/4 cup of mayo consumed with about six spears of cold leftover broccoli will set you right. If that doesn't work, try it again with a little less broccoli.

                                                                                                                                                      I make a lot of sauces well, but every time I make a hollandaise or bernaise I think, "Gee, this would be so much tastier with mayonnaise!"

                                                                                                                                                      4 Replies
                                                                                                                                                      1. re: tim irvine

                                                                                                                                                        I'm one of those party poopers who recommend against licking the bowl.
                                                                                                                                                        Once you get your face in there and start in with your tongue
                                                                                                                                                        there's far too much chance some will cling to your eyebrows and jowls.

                                                                                                                                                        Post-mayo-making etiquette is best accomplished with one scraping finger
                                                                                                                                                        working in circles like a surgical plow.

                                                                                                                                                        When you've gathered a fingerful you can politely apply
                                                                                                                                                        that glob of good mayo to a clean opened mouth.

                                                                                                                                                        This allows that the sheen and the glow on your face
                                                                                                                                                        will come just from pleasure, and not remnant oil.

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                          but fuser, mayo would be good for your eyebrows!

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                                            Gives a nice shine to all hair, including beard and moustache. Mayo is a great hair conditioner. Apply first before shampoo.

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: phantomdoc

                                                                                                                                                              but don't venture into a tomato field in summer hauling a salt shaker and a loaf of wonder bread!

                                                                                                                                                      2. Due to the diet I've been on I've been making my own mayo. It's not only healthier but much tastier too.


                                                                                                                                                        1. I share my rejoice, that in these last few days
                                                                                                                                                          I've received a Care Package of Duke's Mayonnaise.

                                                                                                                                                          Sent from a friend back in natal Carolina
                                                                                                                                                          who knows that we Okies can only get Hellman's.

                                                                                                                                                          It is nice to have friends who have stayed of long stead,
                                                                                                                                                          especially, when they, too, are stout MayoHeads.

                                                                                                                                                          3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                          1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                            That is the sweetest story I have ever heard....I'm running to the fridge to get a scoop of Duke's....

                                                                                                                                                            1. re: christy1122

                                                                                                                                                              Be careful to balance that Dukesian Dollop
                                                                                                                                                              to ensure that none drops to the floor.

                                                                                                                                                              There is high casualty rate, of both slips and of falls,
                                                                                                                                                              from reduced shoe traction from prior mayo spills.

                                                                                                                                                            2. Presented with delight and also dilemma
                                                                                                                                                              of ingredients of what might be
                                                                                                                                                              a really darned good sandwich.

                                                                                                                                                              Toasted bread, shaped omelet, plenty of cheese.
                                                                                                                                                              The question is mayo. Help me please.

                                                                                                                                                              Should it be just a dollop, or more Spartan, just smear?
                                                                                                                                                              Or should be so thick that it drips from the edges
                                                                                                                                                              requiring versatile use of the tongue in outer crevices?

                                                                                                                                                              Just a simple egg sandwich.
                                                                                                                                                              But the question is mayo of which we are afflicted.

                                                                                                                                                              Poised now with a spoon deep into my Hellman's jar
                                                                                                                                                              I seek advice from my fellow powerless peers.

                                                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                              1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                                sorry it took so long, fuser. egg salad requires lots of mayo. you know that!

                                                                                                                                                              2. One gives pause to consider
                                                                                                                                                                In their heft of the wrist
                                                                                                                                                                Whether twis dollop, or dab.

                                                                                                                                                                Line in the sand only faintly discerned
                                                                                                                                                                Thus be the perplexus of Mayohead.

                                                                                                                                                                What is your cline?

                                                                                                                                                                2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                                                    I used the dollop.
                                                                                                                                                                    then pressed sandwich flat.
                                                                                                                                                                    Used tongue to clean exuded mayo edges.
                                                                                                                                                                    Tongue lingered.

                                                                                                                                                                1. I had an uncle with the name 'Mayo'.. really!!

                                                                                                                                                                  8 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: arktos

                                                                                                                                                                    i know people who've been to the "mayo clinic."

                                                                                                                                                                    … it is for people having problems with their emulsification technique. the technical term is emulsification dysfunction. i think they sell a drug for that….

                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                                                      Corollary diagnosis is vortexial disharmonia..
                                                                                                                                                                      The mayo almost makes, but then slides down from sides.
                                                                                                                                                                      As it clings yet it slides, we cooks can hear it...
                                                                                                                                                                      The sorrow, the pathos... even the horror
                                                                                                                                                                      Of another damn batch of unemulsified mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                      That is why I use stick blender as I travel upriver,
                                                                                                                                                                      pint sized Masons, offering smooth concoctations
                                                                                                                                                                      No Kafka of rivers and slipperyy emulsifies be.
                                                                                                                                                                      Apocalypse Mayo? Not for me.

                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                                                        "Mayo clinic" - good one, Alkapal!

                                                                                                                                                                        I would love to work there. i would be in charge of testing every batch by spooning a giant tablespoonful directly into my mouth.

                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: mariacarmen

                                                                                                                                                                          mc, we will have to get you some nice accompaniments as you work for the benefit of mankind! ;-).

                                                                                                                                                                          by the way, i did my duty today and ate a nice juicy BLT!

                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: mariacarmen


                                                                                                                                                                            It is my understanding that restrict tasters to five grams a squirt.
                                                                                                                                                                            But then, they strap you in a chair for a full eight hours
                                                                                                                                                                            to monitor consistency of full day's mayo run.

                                                                                                                                                                            And of course, these jobs are unpaid positions
                                                                                                                                                                            filled by waddling volunteers.

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Passadumkeg

                                                                                                                                                                                Since we hunker in bathtubs until the storm passes
                                                                                                                                                                                the hard white enamel would give a good surface.
                                                                                                                                                                                But then there's those tufted chunks of those damned mattresses
                                                                                                                                                                                That we pulled over our heads.

                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                                                FF: It's for science. I will take one for the team.

                                                                                                                                                                                Yours, Waddling MC

                                                                                                                                                                        2. Mustard is good... but...

                                                                                                                                                                          Nope, can't help you either. I can't get enough of good hearty, well-toasted bread slathered in mayo and slices of juicy, sweet tomato sprinkled with salt and pepper. (drooling as I write)
                                                                                                                                                                          And... add a fried egg, some romaine lettuce and even a pickle, then sandwich it with another piece of mayo covered toast = heaven!

                                                                                                                                                                          1. Dentists like MayoHeads because we present them
                                                                                                                                                                            with shards of tinfoil that are stuck in our dentum.

                                                                                                                                                                            The pesky enshrouding of those one ounce mayo packets
                                                                                                                                                                            lead to frustration and so we attack it
                                                                                                                                                                            with bared, growling teeth.

                                                                                                                                                                            They provide us with flanges
                                                                                                                                                                            that you'd think we could manage,
                                                                                                                                                                            But, Hey, we are MayoHeads.

                                                                                                                                                                            We appraise situation
                                                                                                                                                                            in a tough-open package.
                                                                                                                                                                            We focus on factory-cut deep serrations
                                                                                                                                                                            and take aim to the foil with our teeth.

                                                                                                                                                                            Too often we end up
                                                                                                                                                                            with foil twixt incisors
                                                                                                                                                                            or if we were growling
                                                                                                                                                                            maybe even bicuspids.

                                                                                                                                                                            Thus the dentist.

                                                                                                                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                                              And those packets are so small. Paltry, really.

                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                                                                i can't even READ about aluminum foil in the teeth without getting an automatic -- almost physical -- reaction!

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: alkapal

                                                                                                                                                                                  To be sure there's discomfort of foil in teeth after bingeing on packets of mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                  Just make sure twixt the time of your over-imbibement
                                                                                                                                                                                  and your dentist appointment
                                                                                                                                                                                  that you be careful around electrical outlets.

                                                                                                                                                                              2. Unpacking, this morning, the gift of the Mayo...
                                                                                                                                                                                Shipped from a friend back in North Carolina.

                                                                                                                                                                                It is a four pack.
                                                                                                                                                                                It is DUKES.

                                                                                                                                                                                This friend of some forty years remembers those times
                                                                                                                                                                                when we took Dukes for granted.

                                                                                                                                                                                With dull knives we slathered
                                                                                                                                                                                that Mayo on hot dogs
                                                                                                                                                                                and let leak from edges
                                                                                                                                                                                of buns on those burgers.

                                                                                                                                                                                This gift of a four-pack of quarts of Dukes Mayo
                                                                                                                                                                                invites good imbibement
                                                                                                                                                                                enfolded with friendship.

                                                                                                                                                                                May it always be friends.
                                                                                                                                                                                May it always be Dukes.

                                                                                                                                                                                1. Dear Father, forgive us our breadth of relapses.

                                                                                                                                                                                  I speak of my singular affliction to mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                  I've tried many times not to eat up the product
                                                                                                                                                                                  so tasty, erogenously emulsified.

                                                                                                                                                                                  I caved in with a burger, slabbed with thick mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                  Are there others. who find,
                                                                                                                                                                                  that sense of delight

                                                                                                                                                                                  When burger compressed brings the mayo to edges
                                                                                                                                                                                  to there be beslurped?

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. Admission to relapse
                                                                                                                                                                                    of my love of Mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Occurred upon real good encounter
                                                                                                                                                                                    with the sizzle of french fries.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Helpless, I was,
                                                                                                                                                                                    not to ask for them foiled packets
                                                                                                                                                                                    each containing one ounce
                                                                                                                                                                                    of the drug we call Mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Helpless I was,
                                                                                                                                                                                    twixt the tumble of fries,
                                                                                                                                                                                    and so good appeal of packected Mayo.

                                                                                                                                                                                    I was weak. I succumbed.
                                                                                                                                                                                    But only in luxury of mayo and fries to my belly.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Be there others that share such afflictions?

                                                                                                                                                                                      1. I LOVE mayo but it has to be home made. If you want to cut down your mayo, I'll suggest you start adding other stuffs to your mayo, reduce mayo every time and increase the other stuffs . Mustard would be a very good stuff. Also try tomato ketchup, chilli sauce, hot sauce etc. When making salads, add the juice of one lemon to a tbs of mayo. It's still taste like mayo but lighter. My family loves yogurt as dressing and dipping. Greek yogurt mixed with garlic, mint and a drizzle of olive oil. Heaven. You may find that flavor too strong. May be add some mayo to this mixture for the first time. On the other hand, simply make your food spicier. South Asian and Asian food is so full of flavor and zing, it may curb your craving for mayo. Try wassabi over your meat if you want more flavor.

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. Hi there! I'd love to learn more about your obsession with mayo! I'm producing a documentary for a cooking network. Would you mind chatting? Thanks - Becky blevi@20west.tv