Psst... We're working on the next generation of Chowhound! View >
HOME > Chowhound > Wine >
May 2, 2010 05:30 PM

The HoseMaster ( aka Ron Washam )

If you've never heard of the HoseMaster (aka Ron Washam) check out the link below, one of the most creative and hysterically funny people I've ever had the pleasure to stumble over or upon.

Describing Grenache:

These are wines that can live for decades, but are usually consumed very young, and mostly orally, in honor of the Pope.

On Syrah:

Syrah goes by the name of Shiraz in Australia and South Africa. An apocryphal story goes that the grape originated near the Persian city of Shiraz and that's how its alternative name came about. I find this explanation rather Iranic. Actually, no one knows how Syrah came to be known as Shiraz, though I believe that Shiraz is Syrah's rap name. Fershizzle.

Petit Sirah:

There is a society of Petite Sirah lovers called "P.S. I Love You" but both of them refuse to appear in public because their teeth, all six of them, have turned the color of a Whitney Houston bruise.

And just as a PS, don't even think of stealing this material, loyal fans have documented dates and times, well some of us are more occupied with trying to find a date and others... hell, any old time will do.

The HoseMaster's Honest Guide to Grapes Volume 4

You can find links to Volumes 1-3 in the left margin of the website,

WARNING: If you have a sense of humor you are about to enter a force that I can only equate to that of what science describes as a black hole. Also, if you consider yourself a "serious" wine writer/blogger/100 point scale fan, just go purchase another bottle of Screaming Turkey and a can of Spam.

Enjoy the trip.

Link to previous thread on Classic Sarcastic Wine Descriptors

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
  1. I've known Ron for nearly 20 years, both when he was with Mission Wines in Pasadena and at The Pacific Dining Car. He's got a great palate, and a superb, biting wit.


    6 Replies
    1. re: zin1953

      Holy Crap!!! I remembered my I am clearly not drinking enough. So just wanted to weigh in on the whole Washam deal. I think he is brilliant. One of the funniest men I have ever had the pleasure to read. Takes a thick skin as a blogger to read him from time to time but I adore the voice and often admire his willingness to say what others have or will not. I might be a bit biased because I also love him as a person but there is no denying his fierce wit and amazingly skillful writing. (Oh this is Sam by the way...have not been here in years!)

      1. re: bubbles4me

        Welcome back to the pack, Sam. I had a sneaky suspicion that you might be a 'hound.

        Since Sam is obviously to modest, let me put in a plug for her beautiful writing about wine, food, relationships, their evolution and revolution. Either google Samantha Sans Dosage or click the link on her profile. More seriously good writing.



        1. re: bubbles4me

          Sam, you still working with Randy? If so, say hi for me . . .

          1. re: zin1953

            I am still at The Wine Country and whom shall I say this "hi" is do you know Randy?

            1. re: bubbles4me

              Ah, Samantha . . . first of all, Randy tried to sell ME wine when I was the corporate wine buyer at Liquor Barn in the 1980s . . . then I tried to sell HIM wine when he first opened WC and I was sales manager of Adventures in Wine in the 1990s . . . and I remember when you first started there . . . .

              Jason Brandt Lewis

              1. re: zin1953

                So you know Randy from way back in the Pacific Coast Wine Marketing days! Wow, long time ago. So was when I started at the shop, was over 13 years ago...

                I will be sure to say hello for you when I see him in the morning.

      2. I saw this on another board - hilarious!

        1. Love him too...Reached out to him with a directly e-mailed question not long ago, and he actually responded, quickly and graciously. Witty, knowledgeable and nice: is he married? (Kidding)

          1 Reply
          1. re: tatamagouche

            Just to answer: yes, married. Also, a lovely man.