People leaning over you at the bar....
Good evening! This is my very first post, and I signed up after long-time lurking as I simply have to know what others think on this....
If one (or a couple) is eating a meal at the bar of a nice/upscale restaurant, should one (or the couple) expect to be able to eat their meal in peace without the people waiting for a table & wanting drinks hovering over their shoulders? And I mean very close!
Tonight for example, we were out at a nice place and trying to eat our meal while one gentleman's cologne was so overpowering as to upset my allergies. Another "gentleman" proceeded to curse at me when asked to step away. While his behavior was unacceptable, was it wrong of me to even ask??
Thank you everyone in advance for your thoughts.
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EWSflash
Apr 21, 2010 11:03 PM
Regarding the cologne guy- three or four good wet sneezes on his shirt coupled with a thin (aka insincere) apology like "oh gosh my allergies, sorry" shoulda fixed his little red wagon. Or you could throw up on his shoes and say that sometimes happens when you're in close proxiity to extreme clogne poisoning.
I used to have people coming into my department to use the phone and ended up not being able to use that phone for weeks due to the stink they put on it with cologne. -
People hovering close by don't bother me. The ones who DO bother me are the ones who insist on using the back of your bar stool as an arm rest & jabbing you in the back with their elbow every time they move.
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re: Jerzeegirl
LindaWhit
Apr 19, 2010 12:02 PM
That's when I sit fully back and their elbow has no place to go. The perpetrator usually gets the point. I have no problem if *I* tell you you can hang your coat on the back of my chair until your table is ready, but don't think it's your resting place for your lazy elbow when I got there first and am sitting there.
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re: Jerzeegirl
jenscats5
Apr 20, 2010 07:16 AM
LOL I tried to do the elbow thing & it didn't work at all! These people were so close they could have helped themselves to the food on my plate with no issues.
Shame, I liked the food but doubt I'll be returning. It's one thing if it's a casual-mostly-drinking establishment, but it was not that type of place.
Thank you to everyone for their replies! I will definitely be visiting the Home Cooking board more often!!
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You have two separate problems here.
1) While sitting at the bar, eating or not, you will encounter other people wishing service at the bar. It's the nature of the space. No, you do not get to cordon off the bar while you are there- it's the bar. If you require assigned space, then get a table.
2) Perfume and Cologne overuse is ubiquitous and revolting. There is no cologne or perfume that should be detectable to any person that is less that 1/4 inch from the skin of the wearer. Any more is over kill.
That said, please , please people- NOBODY needs perfume or cologne. NOBODY. EVER. Unless you just emerged unwashed from the Amazon 3 days ago and need to mask the funk, no person with moderately decent hygiene ever needs to bathe in scent. And, if this is your situation, I advise that you go home for a wash before heading out to dine.
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re: cheesemonger
Seriously, thank you. People need to quit it with the perfume/cologne, especially while eating out. A couple of months ago I went to a local breakfast joint, and the woman who sat down behind me halfway through the meal was wearing so much perfume that I literally could not taste my food anymore and had to ask for what was left on my plate to be boxed up. I'm generally a live-and-let-live kinda gal, but the perfume thing is out of hand. My boyfriend is terribly allergic to most scent and we are constantly having to leave places because of heavy fragrance usage. Seriously, it's gross and it's rude and it's intrusive.
But regarding the original question - I think that everyone needs to be conscious of everyone else. When I dine at the bar I don't expect a bubble of space, but I would certainly hope that others would be considerate of me. Most of my bar dining experience has been very positive in this regard. I like it when the bar is set up so that there is a rail immediately behind the bar seating - helps prevent others from hovering right over your shoulder.
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re: cheesemonger
LindaWhit
Apr 19, 2010 11:20 AM
Thank you. You perfectly expressed both points I would have made. If you're at the bar, there will most likely be people who will need some service (the bar back area is probably full of waitstaff anyway and most bar staff will shoo you away from there, as they're constantly coming and going from that area). I usually try and realize there's someone behind me waiting for the attention of a bartender, and will try and help them get his/her attention and often pass the drink(s) back to them so as not to have them spilled on me.
As for perfume/cologne.....please, people - don't douse yourself in a scent. Not everyone LIKES your scent, and we all don't want to smell it, too - especially if you walked past 20 minutes ago.
Unfortunately, the OP got a Nasty McNasty response from the one "gentleman". Obviously he felt he was WAY more entitled to intrude on the OP's dining space than she was to complain about it.
Also unfortunately, asking someone to step away because of an overpowering scent rarely works. The scent wearer is usually completely clueless about it - or doesn't give a damn about the fact they're bothering others with a cloud of pee-yew smelly scent.
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re: LindaWhit
".............with a cloud of pee-yew smelly scent."
Your post made me smile in remembrance, LindaWhit. Many years ago, dining in Paris with my two young sons, the youngest begged to leave the table, foregoing dessert, which signaled dire straits indeed. "Mom, between your smelly 'foot cheese' platter and Fi-Fi Le Phew sitting next to me, I can't breathe".Yes, I was eating pungent cheese but the woman who arrived mid-meal was so strongly scented that we were all made uncomfortably aware of her before we even saw her. Banquette seating, with her next to my son, was an assualt. We finished our meal and left quickly. He was rewarded with a long stop at the chocolate shop.
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re: Sherri
LindaWhit
Apr 19, 2010 11:45 AM
A foot cheese platter vs. Fi-Fi Le Phew? LOL
I'm thinking your son got the best result out of all of the stinkiness - breathing in the lovely scent of a chocolate shop! And eating said chocolate, of course. But at least he got to clear his nostrils the best way ever. :-)
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re: Sherri
Bill Hunt
Apr 20, 2010 07:24 PM
Got a laugh out of your post. We love a ripe cheese, BUT, we have our limits. We dine at a lot of more traditional French restaurants, and have some events catered by a few. We usually specify the "level" of cheese ripeness and pungency, but sometimes get surprised. That is why we ALWAYS have the cheese-course after the mains, and then retire to the upper patio for desserts.
Thank you for bringing a big smile to my face - sorta' been there - done that.
Hunt
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re: cheesemonger
I agree with you. I am the person with asthma and the sensitve nose. My nose will clog up with too much perfume or cologne in my breathable air, and I may start coughing. I do the same with cigarette smoke. What you need to realize is that the scent of cologne becomes nearly undetectable by the wearer after a while. When I was very young, before my lungs went, I used to wear a cologne every day. I realized that my nose had grown insensitive to it when one of my coworkers commented on it. I had no idea -- truly. I think the same happens with smokers. They don't really detect the smell of smoke the way non-smokers do. Not an excuse, but there are a lot of people who splash on a splash-on, and have no idea how offensive that odor can be.
The solution? Like Bill Hunt, I "downgrade" restaurants that are crowded and uncomfortable. If they have pushed the tables and booths so close together that I get to see a bird's eye view of waiter's butt during dinner, or that it is nearly impossible to enter and exit the wall-side seating without your coat taking out the neighbors' wine glasses, I take the resto off my list. I have been known to walk out of restaurants with awful and crowded seating, and I have no problem telling them why I am leaving. And, while on the subject of coats -- if there is no coat check or sufficient room to hang a coat during coat season, I take the resto off my list too.
I look at it this way: I am paying for this meal, and I should be comfortable while eating it. Any my coat deserves a better place than hanging on the back of my chair and dragging the floor.
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re: cheesemonger
Bill Hunt
Apr 20, 2010 07:18 PM
"There is no cologne or perfume that should be detectable to any person that is less that 1/4 inch from the skin of the wearer. Any more is over kill."
Well said. I only wish for a young lady to tell me that I "smell good," after I have given her a kiss on each cheek. Even then, I will wonder - "did I apply too much?"
As we do a ton of wine diners, cheese tastings, and similar, I have a line of non-scented after-shave products, and use them constantly. Finding these is a bit of a problem, but I understand completely. Same for wonderful floral arrangements in the dining area! I love flowers, and am typing on the patio, surrounded by tons of night-blooming jasmine. Lovely! Would I host a wine diner out here, at this time of the year? No way!
We've canceled season tickets to the symphony, due to patrons' cologne, and have moved our seating in wine-oriented events, as some folk feel the necessity to bath in certain scents.
If someone can "smell" me, I have kissed them on both cheeks, or I have messed up badly.
Hunt
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Bill Hunt
Apr 17, 2010 08:48 PM
As one who seldom dines at the bar, I have not experienced your pain. OTOH, as one who often wishes a glass of wine, while waiting for our table, I am the "other person." I would NEVER reach across a diner, or just someone having a drink. If there were not openings at the bar, I'd head to the waiter's station, and fight with them - never with a "fellow diner." If the servers had an issue, I'd just order my wine from them and stand back.
Unfortunately, you encountered some tacky and ego-centric people. I find that too many are of that ilk nowadays, but that is fodder for another thread.
Unfortunately, you were the victim of ill-bread individuals, with poor choices in after-shave. Aren't you glad that you did not have a 30 mile trip on a crowed tube with these folk nearby?
Maybe now I know why we do not dine at the bar that often. However, that is not a guarantee, as many restaurants love to jam tables in on one another, so instead of cologne-ridden guys, one's meal is ruined, as servers' butts on both sides, hover over your meal, as they serve others, whose tables are far, far too close to yours. I downgraded two highly vaunted and oft recommended Las Vegas restaurants for such table spacing. I do not care how shapely a young lady's posterior is, I do not want it hanging over my plate! That goes double for a guy.
When one is dining, the interruptions should be minimal, at the very best.
Trust me, should I be over your shoulder, I will be moving to a free space, or to the servers' area, for my drink order. Your space is sacred to me. [Also, if dining, or having wines, I use unscented after-shave balm, for some of the same reasons, plus my wife has asthma, so I do not want to affect her.]
Sorry to hear of your plight,
Hunt
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re: Veggo
Bill Hunt
Apr 20, 2010 07:11 PM
Now I must warn ALL readers - semi-sexist remark to follow: If the leaner was an attractive young lady (21 - 65), I might relent a bit, though not much. I would still question the person's upbringing, and probably quickly decide that I would not leave my long-suffering and ever-loving wife for them, regardless. [semi-sexist comments OFF].
I have always admired a good up-bringing, over many other attributes.
Hunt [now branded a sexist-pig]
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re: c oliver
jenscats5
Apr 17, 2010 06:01 PM
Well, it wasn't crowded at all when we arrived. It was pretty empty, actually. As we were eating, other arrived & began milling about & hovering over.
I think it would do a service to have a sort of "walk up" area at the bar where those waiting for a table can obtain drinks in that area only so as not to disturb others.
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