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Classic Sarcastic descriptors

Alanbarnes recent comment on some Aussie Sauvignon Blanc wines as "grapefruit-run-over-by-a-lawnmower", made me wonder how many more blow-it-out-your-nose bon mots might be out there. What hilarious descriptions have you heard? Apologies if this has been previously flogged about.

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  1. Smell descriptors, there are tons of funny ones.
    I'm not your typical descriptor user, but can remember some very abused ones:

    Barnyard
    Horseshit
    Wet socks
    Locker room
    ...

    1. Like a donkey defecating into a vat of blue cheese: descriptor used by a member of our tasting group to describe the nose of an impossibly bretty Vacqueyras.

      4 Replies
      1. re: carswell

        Bacon fat cooked over burning tires (South African poorly made red)
        Band-aid
        Wet-dog
        Crushed river rocks dipped in lemon-lime-water
        Chocolate-milk
        Green bell peppers with a side of manure
        Fresh compost over cherries

        1. re: carswell

          Reminds me of the comment attributed to H. Allen Smith after he drank his first American beer... "Put it back in the horse!"

          1. re: PolarBear

            "Put it back in the horse!"

            Ha! Hadn't heard that before. Thanks for the laugh.

            At an all-bubbly tasting yesterday evening, a particularly vile sparkling Shiraz elicited the comment "like a Little Penguin that's been feasting on beans."

          2. I've used "like a tar road on a hot July afternoon" to describe the aroma of a German Rielsing. I've also used "toe jam" as a descriptor (not in a good way) to describe some older whites. Finally, I've used "my grandparents' basement" to describe a Bordeaux that had a pronounced gun metal aroma.

            1 Reply
            1. re: Brad Ballinger

              Wow Brad, that is getting very Faulkneresque. Now, I do get transported to other times and other places, when encountering wines, but most of those times and places are a bit more pleasant than what you have encountered - though I have had my share of "off-putting" ones.

              Hunt

            2. I've heard "cat pee" tossed around quite a bit.

              2 Replies
              1. re: Matt Esq.

                That's a typical trait of Sauvignon Blanc (a desireable one).

              2. Gasoline
                Kerosene
                Lighter Fluid

                4 Replies
                1. re: MGZ

                  Oh, and after a recent taste of a local wine (NJ), my wife likened the nose to industrial resin. I picked up hints of dry cleaning solution.

                    1. re: MGZ

                      <I picked up hints of dry cleaning solution.>

                      I can think of more than one Jersey wine and several from Illinois that would answer to that description.

                      1. re: ChefJune

                        Now, "petrol" is one thing, but "dry cleaning fluid" is something else - entirely.

                        Hunt