Whats Eating You

[DallasDude]

Here is a food related poem to ponder:

This is Just to Say
By William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Don't you hate it when you bring a beautiful sandwich to work and someone from the IT department eats it secretly before you have a chance to get to it? Or perhaps a prized cupcake you bring home and stash for a late night kitchen raid? Or even a small piece of the left over Bleu d’Auvergne or Maytag you were saving for a morning nosh.

Who ate yours, and what was it? Or better yet, did you eat my sandwich?

[Leper]

The poems are terrific! You post made me recall a BBQ some year's ago when a friend's Afghan hound stole and devoured a $75.00 prime rib that had been set to "rest" before cutting. No one in the kitchen saw the dog take it. (While we were all distressed, I must say, that was one happy hound.)

[kimmer1850]

Something I wrote in high school for my kid brother.

Ode to a chocolate chip cookie
So crispy and so right.
It was sitting on the counter
For my tea tonight.
I know I must forgive you,
You are my brother, right?
Just think of me and what I'll do
when you close your eyes tonight!

[Normandie]

A Haiku

by Normandie

Williams ate someone's
Plums. What an imbecile, he.
He left the choc'late?

[bushwickgirl]

Wow, I've been in a miserable funk lately (impending holiday anxiety) and this thread, which is too funny from start to stop, cheered me up considerably. Thanks, guys!

[mountaincachers]

I saw you were up at 3:30 to make your pie...no wonder you've been stressed. Hope you enjoy the holiday.

[FoodFuser]

Posted on employee fridge:

To the rascal who acted as if my food was yours:
You're out sick today, seeking medical cures
for the gastro distress that you've suffered.
Last night you discovered
when you steal food from others
There might be some Ex-Lax inside.

As you paid gastro-price
and you hit the throne thrice
Did you contemplate on your action?...
that gave you the moans
and the deep-boweled groans
and no peristaltic traction?

The lesson is clear
to any food thieves in here:
Pilfering is not recommended.
The "five finger discount"
can lead to a deep bout
of belly all puffed and distended.

[kattyeyes]

From Sheba, the Doberman--to my Uncle Al (RIP, both!)

I have knocked
the gingerbread
you baked
this morning

and which
I know you craved
and baked
when you awoke

My bad
It landed upside-down
Leaving none
for either of us

[taos]

that's good

[beevod]

Bad punctuation

[KitchenKitten]

OUR FIRST LUNCH DATE
_______________________________

The Bread was soft the scent divine

Heavenly ingredients thou not mine

I took just one bite a small one too

After the bite, thought “what did you do”

After a couple more bites, I needed to think

I spy your thermos and I needed a drink

A small little sip was all I would take

and I spy in the bag your chocolate cake

I do not know what came over me

After eating your cake and your grapes by the bunch

I found I had eaten your entire lunch

I was in shock my behavior had been as such

I was staring at the bag that said do not touch

I had no other choice I knew what I had to do

I hid the evidence quickly before running in to you

I smiled and inquired about your day

You seemed focused on going along your way

I saw you rummage through the fridge and close it in disbelief

You saw the new guy with your note and shouted thief

I was stunned and started to panic a bit

I watched you melt down and have a fit

I walked over and asked you what was the matter

You told me your tale and could not have been sadder

I said I had an idea to put a smile on your face

I took you to lunch at your favorite place

[iluvtennis]

That reminds me of something terrible i did as a child. We stopped at a Stucky's gas station on the way home from a vacation, and i found some kind of chocolatey, marshmallow-y candy bar that i started really liking. For a while after that, I would look for it when i would go to gas stations with my mom. I guess one of my nephews (who was two years younger than me) took a liking to the candy bar as well, so he would sometimes eat the ones i had gotten for myself. I decided that had to stop, so i ate half of one of the bars and then sprinkled the end with salt and pepper so he'd have a surprise when he went in for the steal. Problem is, i forgot about the salt and pepper myself, so hours later when i went back for a bite, guess who got the salt and pepper? Taught myself a lesson about stinginess...i still feel embarrassed now for being such a stingy 8-year-old.

Also, at work a couple of years ago someone i didn't know was having a birthday. A cake was purchased and stored in the refrigerator until break. When the birthday celebrating group went to get the cake at break they found a big chunk missing. Some people in another department with an earlier break time actually decided to help themselves to the birthday cake. Unbelievable.

[gryphonskeeper]

O bag thee of chips... from potatoes so crisp,
That I laid to rest behind the pile of linens.
When then did you go… from the secret stow,
I had thought for sure you were so well hidden!

Ah but nay… were you where I set you to lay.
I searched hither and yon, but alas you were gone!
My stomach did growl, I knew someone was foul.
My husband’s shirt potato crisp remnants did don!

(sorry if this stinks, I have had a couple glasses of wine... :p )

[DallasDude]

noo wwine makes it better!

[Karl S]

This is me impersonating a former co-worker of my brother, on one April Fool's Day

I have noticed
how much y'all
so often enjoyed
the jelly beans
in my desk drawer.

Why
then
did one of you
curse me today?

I thought
y'all might prefer
to save calories
so you can fit
in your bathing suits
next month,

So

What was wrong
with the
sugar-free jelly beans
you scarfed down?

You do know
not to eat
too
many, right?

Happy
April
Fool's
Day.

[taos]

I have never written a poem in my life, so excuse the bad poetry, but this inspired me to write a 21st century version as well:

The fresh-roasted
organically grown
fair trade
beans

were waiting for me

to hand grind
and prepare in
an unbleached
locally-sourced paper filter with
purified water.

not for you
to brew with
tap water in the old
Mr. Coffee you found
in your parents’ basement.

But I forgive you.
You must have really just
wanted some coffee.

[DallasDude]

Well I had one juggling about in my skull I should get out as well. I enjoy the false remorse that Williams portrays in his poem, and I play on that as well:

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I left out
the gallon of ice cream
that was taking space
in the freezer for many months

and which
you were probably
saving
for some absurd ice cream sundae

Forgive me
it is now warm
and created a puddle
on our new granite counter top

[mountaincachers]

OK, these poems are too funny.
Since we are approaching Thanksgiving, I will share my worst (and most memorable) food snatching, known in my family as The Fish Market Apple Pie Incident.
I was spending Thanksgiving Day with my family and and visiting boyfriend. I had made an apple pie (recipe from The Fish Market). At the time, I did not have an apple peeler, so there was a fair amount of labor involved in the pie. There were just enough pieces for everyone there. Just as we were sitting down to eat dessert, my college roommate, who hadn't seen in several years, called. While on the phone with her, everyone else finished their pie. My boyfriend then took a little nibble from mine, then another bite, and eventually ate MY WHOLE PIECE OF PIE!!!!!!!!!!! I got off the phone, and thought everyone was joking when they said the pie was gone. Amazingly, the guilty boyfriend and I later married and will be celebrating our 18th anniversary in December.

You have eaten
my apple pie
which was
sitting on the table
waiting for me

From the crumbs
left in the pan
I could tell
it was delicious

I forgive you
but you will
be punished
by hearing about it
for
the
rest
of
your
life

[kattyeyes]

LAUGHING SO HARD, you have no idea...<applause, applause>!

[rorycat]

Wonderful poem for this topic! It's one of those pieces that I forget about until it unexpectedly pops up again, and then I read it and am drawn in like it is all new.

Yes, I do loathe having a morsel I was coveting scarfed down by refrigerator raiders. It has been a while, but the one that comes to mind was my leftover lobster mac 'n cheese. It was sublime. I was really looking forward to the rest of it, since I could not finish it on the first try. Alas, hubby got to it first. Sigh.

I've Noticed That (with apologies to William Carlos Williams)

You have eaten
most unwittingly
the rest of my
lobster mac 'n cheese

Which, yes
I was absolutely
saving
for breakfast

You're forgiven
it was irresistible
so creamy
and so rich

[DallasDude]

That, my friend, is funny as hell. The pre-WWII poem does has a timeless effort about it.